07x14 - The Man Who Hated Cats/Deja Vu/Canned Laughter

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. [drumroll]

♪ We're, we're, ready, ready ♪

♪ To, to, party ♪

♪ We're ready to party, we're ready ♪

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

♪ I'm scared

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Dancing, fiesta, romancing, siesta ♪

♪ Samba, la bamba, ay caramba

♪ Disguises, disguises, surprises, surprises ♪

♪ And pies of-- and pies of all sizes ♪

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Garfield and Friends

[Garfield] Today a look into our writer's joke file.

That's right we examine both jokes.

[playful music]

[energetic music]

Isn't it all amazing guys?

This is an exhibit of the latest

scientific breakthroughs and inventions.

Big fat hairy deal.

Come on Odester, let's case the snack bar.

[energetic music]

Boy they have machines now that do everything

but dance the can-can.

[can-can music]

Boy they have machines now that do everything.

What else have they got here?

This is the device builder.

It builds a device and then that device

in turn builds another device.

Then that device in turn builds another device,

then that device in turn builds another device.

And then that device--

[beeping]

My invention here is very expensive

and it does absolutely nothing.

Why don't you junk the whole thing?

Oh I can't, I have too many government contracts to fill.

This then would be the Sheckitron 3000,

the world's first comedy performing robot.

Observe if you will.

[machine clanking]

[Robot] What do you call a zero base

digital telesponder without a coil?

Lucky. [laughs robotically]

How many amplified relocater units

does it take to change a light bulb?



You'd have to be pretty dumb to find this stuff funny.

[Jon laughs loudly]



I rest my case.

I have to have one of these for my home.

I wonder how much they are.

Excuse me, but how much is one of these robots?

[Salesman] Uh, the price is right on this sign.

[Garfield] Assume Jon catching positions.

[Jon] That's the price? [laughs]

But I...

Nice catch.

[Odie barks]

That's an outrage.

I can do it myself in my garage for half the price.

Uh-oh, that's what he said when they told him

he had to have his appendix out.

That much for a simple comedy robot.

[laughs] I'll show them.

Oh I hope this turns out better

than the home appendectomy.

Install mirth-o-meter next to whimsy filter

facing away from pun generator.

Then,

[clanking]

install irony modulator.

Huh, building a comedy robot is a cinch.

Okay let's get this over with.

There you see on the brochure

the very expensive comedy robot.

For only pennies I have made an exact duplicate.

[triumphant music]

[laughing]

I think you just got your first laugh.

You two won't be laughing when I turn my comedy robot on.

[playful music]

[Garfield] Undoubtedly.

Watch this.

[clanking]

Now watch this I'll press tell joke.

[drum rolls]

[laughing]

Now that's funny.

Stop laughing, I'll show you what it can do.

I'll turn up the mirth control.

[Robot] Want to hear a knock knock joke?

Sure.

[Robot] You start.

Alright, knock knock.

[Robot] Who's there?

What do you mean who's there?

[Robot] What do you mean who's there who?

No, you're supposed to tell jokes.

[drum rolls]

[laughing]

This is funnier than if the thing worked.

I programmed every comedy record, tape and CD

in my library into this thing, now I want some humor.

[clanking]

What kind of comedy do you think it's about to do?

[playful music]

[Garfield] The low kind.

Fine, fine.

You know when a robot goes berserk

and its tapes get all scrambled?

You ever notice that?

Isn't it sad you build a comedy robot and give it life

and then it goes nuts and destroys you?

Okie dokie, your time is up.

[triumphant music]

[robot yelling]

[energetic music]

Can you believe this?

The robot is going berserk

and he's chasing you around your own company.

[playful music]

Where did they go?

Which way did they go George?

Beep, click they went that-a-way.

Thank you very much.

I think I fooled him for a few minutes.

Would you believe 10 seconds?

Oh you big crazy, I'm gonna give you such a hit.

[playful music]

But I wanna tell ya, huh?

Quick, tell me who's on first.

I'm not asking ya who's on first.

I'm asking ya who's playing second,

and don't you tell me who's playing first.

Garfield are you alright?

Oh, that lemon meringue does wonders for my fur.

There's only one way to stop a runaway comedy robot.

It won't be pretty but it has to be done.

Insert sarcasm and adjust for worst possible timing.

[upbeat music]

All done.

How to build a heckler robot.

A heckler robot?

[beeps]

I programmed him with my own personal sarcasm.

Don't sit too close to the TV.

This could be dangerous.

I can't believe this.

I've turned on my master, the man who built me.

Hey you call yourself a robot?

I've seen better circuits on popcorn makers.

[drum rolls]

That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.

Some impression, I'm just devastated.

Oh, you're too close to me.

How far should I be?

You got a car?

[drum rolls]

No but I kid, mechanical people.

You know you're very close to a piece of junk.

Well then I'll move away.

[clanking]

You know when a robot goes--

Hey is that your face or did someone rear end an Edsel?

[comedy robot whirring]

What's happening to my robot?

Take cover, we're about to have a comedy expl*si*n.

[clanking]

[expl*si*n roars]

Hey, I don't get no respect I tell ya.

Take my wife...

please.

[Odie whines]

My comedy robot.

What happened to him?

I k*lled him you jerks.

Boy you should've seen.

I destroyed him you morons.

He went to pieces.

I had him on the floor you hockey pucks.

Now how do we get rid of him?

I annihilated him.

I cracked him up you dummies.

[upbeat music]

[Jon snoring]

[lip smacks]

[Jon yells loudly]

Garfield, what in the world do you think you're doing?

Why being your bungee buddy you silly neener head.

Neener, neener.

[upbeat music]

[light piano music]

Here comes my grand slam return Orse.

[laughs]

You'll have to do better than that Roy.

[laughs]

How's this waller brat?

Orse, Orse?

Calling Orson.

Hello?

Roy, I have the strangest feeling

we've done this cartoon before.

Maybe it's a rerun?

No, when you have the feeling

you're doing things you've already done.

Do you know what that's called?

A writer running out of ideas?

No.

Because that happened halfway through the second season.

It's called deja vu.

You can't say that on a kid's show.

It's not a dirty word Roy.

Well if it isn't it should be.

Let's get back to badminton.

What are those two yammering about?

Not that I care as long as

I get some nice juicy chickens to fricassee.

Here we go, here we go, here we go.

[chickens squawking]

I'll take you and you, and ooh, you I like.

Yes and you, and definitely you.

And you, and you.

You know it feels like I've done this before.

Okay Orse, on tippy toes.

[playful music]

Here comes my grand slam return Orse.

[laughs]

You'll have to do better than that Roy.

[laughs] How's this waller brat?

Didn't we do this already?

It's, it's...

Watch, five bucks says he can't get my whole name out.

It's the [stammering], it's the we, we, we--

Why don't you stay here and work on your vowel sounds?

We, we, we, we [stammering].

Now all I have to do is get away with them chickens.

It's, it's, it's the we, we [stammering]

it's the we, we, we [stammering] oh.

Deja vu is when you get the feeling

that you're experiencing events

that you've experienced before, sometimes over and over.

It sounds like having cable TV.

We, we [stammering], we--

What is it? What words start with W?

Wiener schnitzel?

Waterfall? No, no, no.

Wheels? No, no, no.

Woodwork? Watermelon?

Wait, weatherman?

Weasel!

Oh, it's the weasel yes and I Wade Duck

hath done spotted the weasel.

The weasel huh?

The thought it might be Woody Woodpecker,

but I guess it's the wrong show.

[Orson and Roy] The weasel?

Let's go. Right behind ya.

[energetic music]

I gotta get outta here.

Things keep happening which already happened.

[chickens clucking]

It's, it's--

Oh not again.

It's the we, [stammering].

It's the whoa, it's the we, [stammering].

I have to change things around now.

Hide the chickens here and run this way.

Here we go, here we.

I must have you and definitely you. [laughs]

I did this already, I already stole these chickens!

I stole 'em and I hid 'em in a bush.

That's right, I gotta go get 'em.

Deja vu is when you get the feeling

that you're experiencing events

that you've experienced before, sometimes over and over.

You said that before

and it still sounds like having cable TV.

There's the bush I hid the chickens in.

[playful music]

Oh no, they're not in there.

Yes we definitely seem to be having

a lot of deja vu around here today.

You keep saying that, but I don't see the weasel.

Wade must've been wrong.

Let's get back to badminton.

What are those two yammering about?

Not that I care, as long as I get

some nice juicy chickens to fricassee.

Here we go, here we go, here we go.

[chickens squawking]

I'll take you and you, and oh and you.

And I must have you, and definitely you.

Oh no, oh no.

I'm back in this scene again.

[yells loudly]

I can't take it.

Doing the same thing over and over again.

It's...

Oh no, it's, it's.

Never again, I'm never coming back but I keep coming back.

But I stole those chickens three times, I...

[yells loudly]

[playful music]

You can expect to be beaten again pig.

Well, that's possible.

The past does have a way of repeating itself.

You can expect to be beaten again pig.

Well, that's possible.

The past does have a way of repeating itself.

[dramatic music]

[light piano music]

♪ This cartoon's the story of a neighbor ♪

♪ Who has recently arrived

♪ Making friends with him was quite a labor ♪

♪ I'm amazed that we survived

♪ We went to get a little bit acquainted ♪

♪ And to welcome Mr. Block

♪ When I heard the guy I very nearly fainted ♪

♪ And my cat went into shock

♪ Yes I did

♪ He had a slight obsession

♪ He was filled with raw aggression ♪

♪ When he saw I had my pussycat along ♪

♪ Well Jon just stood there gaping ♪

♪ I was thinking of escaping

♪ As the man began his song

♪ The screeching and yelling and always rebelling ♪

♪ And that's why I hate a pussycat ♪

♪ The litter's aroma could bring on a coma ♪

♪ And that's why I hate a pussycat ♪

♪ Given the choice I would rather have a dog ♪

♪ A cat just lays like a bump on log ♪

♪ But when a puppy is playing, a cat's disobeying ♪

♪ And getting increasingly fat

♪ That's why I hate a pussycat

♪ A cat is always shedding and getting into scrapes ♪

♪ But they don't cost all that much to keep ♪

♪ A cat will claw your bedding

♪ And rip up all your drapes

♪ But they're kinda cute when they're asleep ♪

♪ Once in awhile some cats will catch a mouse ♪

♪ And in exchange bring the fleas into your house ♪

♪ They're crafty and cautious

♪ They all make me nauseous

♪ I wish every one of them would scat ♪

♪ That's why I hate a pussycat

[door slams]

Looks like our new neighbor

just doesn't like cats Garfield.

Oh, you picked up on that too?

The farther you stay away from him, the better.

[lighthearted music]

[tires screech]

[upbeat music]

[doorbell rings]

[Theodore] If you're a cat, go away.

- I'm not a cat. - Yes?

Are you Theodore F. for feline hater Block,

the man who hates cats?

I am, who are you?

[laughs]

Who am I?

♪ Oh I'm your typical afternoon ♪

♪ Controversial TV talk show host ♪

♪ I'm at the ratings' mercy

♪ I live for controversy

♪ I'll put on anyone who's seen a monster or ghost ♪

♪ I'm searching for a guest the people can detest ♪

♪ When they watch from coast to coast ♪

♪ If you just got a diet from a UFO ♪

♪ If you like to go swimming when it's 20 below ♪

♪ If you just married Elvis that'll keep 'em engrossed ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a typical afternoon ♪

♪ Controversial TV talk show host ♪

I'd like to have you on my show this afternoon.

To tell the world the truth about what monsters cats are?

[laughs] If you want.

I just want to start trouble and get ratings.

[piano music]

♪ I can't recall when I was small ♪

♪ This kid did not have a friend ♪

♪ One Christmas Eve my uncle Steve ♪

♪ Gave me a buddy on whom to depend ♪

♪ Right from the start, never apart ♪

♪ Some folks thought it was weird ♪

♪ Life was a dream, we were a team ♪

♪ Until the day that my cat disappeared ♪

♪ Early one day I went to play

♪ But my cat couldn't be found

♪ I called his name, he never came ♪

♪ I searched the yard but he wasn't around ♪

♪ Foo foo had fled, wished I was ♪

[sobbing]

Oh Foo Foo, why'd you leave me?

You were my only friend.

I trusted you.

I've never trusted anyone else since, especially a cat.

Cats are good for nothing, miserable.

[light music]

I have to find a cat who looks like Foo Foo.

[lighthearted music]

Nope.

Nope.

Wait.

He looks just like the cat in the photo, only older.

Excuse me, do you live somewhere?

Well, under cars, in alleys.

Would you like a home?

With a human?

Well I guess some people might call him that, uh yes.

Why would I want that?

Sounds like a song cue to me.

[energetic music]

♪ Life on the street isn't so sweet ♪

♪ I know a guy who needs a cat

♪ My life is proof I have a roof ♪

♪ To keep me warm I have a thermostat ♪

♪ Constantly fed, breakfast in bed ♪

♪ How do you think I got so fat ♪

♪ You can stay out here through every storm ♪

♪ Me I'll be in where it's cozy and warm ♪

♪ If this sounds good then let's have a chat ♪

♪ I know a guy who needs a cat

Oh gee, what you're saying makes sense.

♪ 'Cause I don't enjoy being chilly and wet ♪

♪ Gee do you think he'd have me as his pet ♪

♪ He'll adopt you in about 10 seconds flat ♪

♪ This fellow really needs a cat ♪

Gee, this is the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

You don't know how long I've dreamed of this moment.

Good, oh there's just one thing.

Huh?

You'll have to change your name to Foo Foo.

I shall tell the whole world

what reprehensible animals cats are.

How they are useless and unfaithful, and--

[clattering]

[light music]

Foo Foo, is it you you?

After all these years you came back to me.

Hey take it easy pal, we just met.

Mr. Block, Mr. Block you're being introduced.

♪ Oh here's your typical afternoon ♪

♪ Controversial TV talk show guest ♪

♪ Today I am presenting someone you'll be resenting ♪

♪ For you adore a show with hate that's loudly expressed ♪

♪ And now I'm bringing you an exclusive interview ♪

♪ With someone you'll detest

♪ This man despises cats so much you'll think he is nuts ♪

♪ I know you won't change channels ♪

♪ While he's spilling his guts

♪ Of all the angry folks I've had on, he is the best ♪

♪ Now here's your typical afternoon ♪

♪ Controversial TV talk show guest ♪

[audience applauding]

[playful music]

Ah yes, [laughs] this is famed cat hater Theodore Block.

Mr. Block would you tell our viewing audience

just how you feel about cats?

[dramatic music]

♪ It's so reassuring when you hear one purring ♪

♪ And that's why I love a pussycat ♪

Now wait a minute sir.

♪ Their fur is like ermine

♪ They guard us from vermin

♪ And that's why I love a pussycat ♪

We advertised hatred and I--

♪ There are some people who'd rather have a dog. ♪

It's sweeps week.

♪ That thinking just leaves me all agog. ♪

Here go my ratings

♪ But when a puppy is yapping, a kitty is napping ♪

♪ You need one in every habitat ♪

♪ That's why I love a pussycat

No one wants to watch nice things on daytime TV.

♪ A cat will let you pet him and interrupt his nap ♪

♪ But we'd rather no one gave a peep ♪

♪ And anytime you let him he will sit upon your lap ♪

♪ And stay 'til your legs are fast asleep ♪

♪ There is a pet shop with 20 cats or more ♪

♪ I'm going to go down and buy out all in store ♪

♪ You hug 'em and kiss 'em

♪ And frequently miss 'em

♪ The animal world's aristocrat ♪

♪ That's why I love a pussycat

That's your new master, what do you think?

I kinda like him.

I think he'll take good care of me.

Maybe long ago I even was his Foo Foo.

Can't we do something about that name?

♪ They really impress you the way they caress you ♪

♪ And that's why he loves a pussycat ♪

♪ And even when tiny they keep themselves shiny ♪

♪ And that's why he loves a pussycat ♪

♪ There are some people who'd rather have a fish ♪

♪ What good's a pet who just swims around a dish ♪

♪ But while a fish keeps you waiting ♪

♪ A cat's fascinating

♪ The whole world should hear my message that ♪

♪ That's why he loves a pussycat ♪

Meow.

[energetic music]