07x15 - Horror Hostess/Newsworthy Wade

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. [drumroll]

♪ We're, we're ♪

♪ Ready, ready ♪

♪ To, to ♪

♪ Party

♪ We're ready to party, we're ready ♪

[Man] Yo!

♪ I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪

[Wade] I'm scared!

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Dancing, fiesta ♪

♪ Romancing, siesta ♪

♪ Samba, la bamba ♪

♪ Ay caramba

♪ Disguises, disguises ♪

♪ Surprises, surprises ♪

♪ And pies of, and pies of ♪

♪ All sizes

[screams]

♪ Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪

[Man] You bet!

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪

♪ Garfield and friends

[Garfield] After seven seasons,

we've pretty much said everything

you can say in this spot.

[ominous music]

[high-pitched hum]

[device chimes]

The Supreme High Commander asked

that we visit the third planet from the sun.

You mean Earth?

Did they ever get intelligent life there?

Uh-oh.

Meteor shower!

Activate meteor deflector invisible force field.

Meteor deflector invisible force field on!

[beeping]

[high-pitched hum]

[device chimes]

Now, then, our leader requests

that we bring back a specimen of a shredded

and processed unit of bovine tissue,

festooned with aged lacteal substance.

Ah, yes, what Earth people call a cheeseburger.

By climbing up on the roof and putting up a new antenna,

I'm sure I'll be able to see

the big football game tomorrow clearly.

[Garfield] Sure, they have TV sets

in every room in the hospital.

Hi, Odster.

Better get a good seat for Jon falling off the roof.

[yelps]

[high-pitched hum]

The meteor shower is past.

I'll turn off the invisible deflector.

[beeping]

[loud clang]

Too soon!

[high-pitched hum] [loud crackling]

The deflector has been knocked off the nose of our craft!

[high-pitched hum] I'll be right, whoa, whoa!

[intense drumming]

Whoa!

[Jon yelping] [loud thudding]

[Garfield] Come on, Odie.

Let's follow the bouncing Arbuckle.

I'm not hurt.

I fell off the roof and I didn't get hurt.

[Garfield] Not possible.

You oughta have a broken something or other.

Guys, I don't know how or why,

but I seem to be indestructible!

[gentle piano music]

Yeah, I'm the talent agent.

What do you do?

I am the Indestructible Man!

If you don't believe it, just pick up that baseball bat

and hit me over the head with it.

Well, okay, but this is gonna be

the shortest act I've ever seen.

[Garfield] Don't ever ask anyone

to hit you over the head with a baseball bat.

[high-pitched hum]

[loud crack]

[sighs] Did you do it yet?

Aw, gee, you broke your bat.

I don't believe this!

Well, then, maybe you'd better drop

that 10-ton safe on safe on me.

[Garfield] Don't ever ask anyone

to drop a 10-ton safe on you.

[Jon humming]

[high-pitched hum]

[loud crash] Hold on.

[woman screams]

Did I feel a raindrop?

Pal, I'm gonna be your agent,

and I'm gonna make you millions.

Just sign right here.

[Garfield] And especially don't ever sign a contract

with an agent who dresses like that.

That's really dangerous.

Really?!

I get $1 million?

What do I have to do?

Practically nothing.

We just tie you to a railroad track,

and let the 4:15 run you over.

Oh, is that all?

Gee, I thought it was gonna be something dangerous.

I'll see you there.

$1 million!

Boy, this being indestructible

is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Say, I'll bet there will be a lot of TV cameras there.

I'd better change my clothes.

Well, guys, I'm off to earn a million dollars

by letting a train hit me.

Bye.

[Garfield] Odie, when was the last time

Jon did anything that turned out right?

Um.

Hm.

Uh--

[Garfield] Oh, get back to me on it.

[high-pitched hum]

Look, as if things weren't bad enough,

we have men from another planet breaking into our house.

[both sniffing]

What are you doing here?

We lost the invisible force field meteor deflector

from our spaceship, and we need it to get home.

I've located it.

[Garfield] So it was that thingy in his pocket

that made our friend indestructible.

[Both] Certainly.

The time is late.

We must depart.

Remember, we have to stop and get a cheeseburger.

[high-pitched hum]

[Garfield] Well, that explains why Jon was indestructible.

[Odie] Mm-hm.

[Garfield] Too bad he's not gonna have it on him

when they put him on those railroad tracks.

[Odie] Mm-hm.

[both scream]

[Garfield] Hurry, Odie!

If we don't get there in time,

Jon will be flatter than a truck stop burrito!

And we're coming to you live from the railroad crossing

where we are but moments from this incredible stunt.

Jon Arbuckle, the so-called Indestructible Man,

looks confident as he signs autographs for fans.

Ow, that pen of yours is sharp.

All set to be tied to the track.

Yes, sir Mr. Agent.

Let's go.

Uh, wait a minute.

My finger...

Hey! Wait a minute.

[Garfield] Hurry, Odie!

It's almost 5:30!

That's the time the 4:15 comes through!

[Odie whining]

Uh, guys?

Mr. Agent, sir?

I don't think this is such a good idea.

Mr. Agent, I can't go through with this!

It's too late.

They paid us in advance, and I've already cashed the check.

Bye.

[yelps]

[whimpering]

Oh, boy. Oh, gee.

[panting]

[Garfield] It's no use, Odie.

There's no way we'll ever get there in time to save Jon.

[whimpering]

[Garfield sighs]

Might as well get something to eat.

Poor Jon, there's no way in the world to save him.

Hi, small planet, is it not?

[Garfield gasps]

[Garfield] Quick, you've gotta save our friend!

He's tied to a railroad track 10 blocks from here!

You were so nice to us, so why not?

A simple molecular dissolve should suffice.

This is it!

[device beeping]

I'm history!

[train horn wailing] [bell tolling]

[panting]

I'm alive!

I'm in one piece!

[Agent] You're not getting paid.

I'm not getting paid.

Tell us, one called Garfield--

Did you ever wish to be indestructible?

[Garfield] I never wished that, no,

but after two more of these, I may wish my stomach was.

Pass the ketchup.

He means the tomato-based condiment.

[Garfield] And the sauerkraut, mustard, relish, pickles.

[gentle music]

Jon's soda pop.

[loud clunk]

[soft bubbling]

A-ha.

He thinks I'm going to open this

and spray soda pop in my face.

[chuckles]

Well, we'll just see who has the last laugh.

[chuckles] [loud splashing]

Whoa!

[Garfield] Ha.

[gentle music]

You already read us that book, Orson.

Oh, well, how about this one?

[Sheldon] Orson, that's a cookbook.

Okay, okay, I get the hint.

I guess I'll just have to tell you a true story.

A true story?

Uh, yeah, yeah, it's true.

Uh, and it all started on a mountaintop

just a few miles from here.

[lightning crackles]

In the house, there lived a family of monsters.

Igor, what did you do today

to make your dear father proud of you?

I scared 37 cows so much that they gave milkshakes.

Oh, that's wonderful!

Milkshakes!

And Boris, what did you do today

to make your dear father proud of you?

I scared a yard full of chickens so badly

they laid deviled eggs.

I love it!

I simply love it!

And then there was the third son, Michael.

Michael, what do you do today

to make your father proud of you?

[Michael] I did all my homework

and got straight As on my arithmetic.

Uh-huh.

Didn't you scare anyone?

[Michael] Uh, I tried to scare a lizard.

[Both] And?

[Michael] The lizard scared me first.

In short, Michael was a massive disappointment

to his parents.

Although you're my son,

I cannot abide such a failure living under this roof.

Go forth, go forth into the world, my son,

and do not return until you have scared someone!

And seeing as how you are so homely, my son,

wear your paper bag at all times.

[Michael] Yes, father.

I will scare someone.

I'm going to turn my life around!

[loud thud] Ow!

But first, I'm going to turn my paper bag around.

Ooh, scare!

I'm a monster!

Ooh-wee!

Boy, I'm frightening!

Better run!

Run from the scary monster!

Oh, I'd sure be scared of him!

Boo! Boo!

Ooh-wee!

[loud clang]

He was scared.

He didn't show it, but he was scared.

Scared he k*lled me.

[Roy] Help, leave me alone!

Go away!

Grab that rooster!

Get him! Get him, get him.

[Sheldon] Why were they chasing Roy?

Roy had done some typical Roy trick.

[chuckles]

These guys would have to be really dumb

to fall for what I have in mind.

It'll work.

[loud thudding]

Hey, where'd that rooster go?

Hurry, there's 10 seconds before the final g*n,

and we're 107 points down.

Our only chance is a touchdown.

Okay, yeah, all right.

Good idea, come on.

You guys go way out for a long pass.

Wort, you do a 380 clavicle maneuver.

Gort, you buttonhook right, buttonhook left,

then button up your zipper.

What do I do?

You run out till you see the hot dog vendor,

get me three chili franks with everything.

All right, men, on three!

Hey, we can't count that high.







The square root of nine!

Three! Hike!

I hope he doesn't throw me the ball.

[laughs]

[Michael] Boo, I'm a monster!

Oh, am I a monster!

Is it my imagination

or am I being menaced by a small sacked lunch?

[Michael] It's no use.

I'll never scare anyone!

I'm a failure as a monster!

Let me get this straight.

You just wanna scare someone?

Anyone?

[Michael] More than anything in the whole wide world!

Well, come back to the farm with me.

I know someone who gets scared by butterfly sounds.

[panting]

I'm beginning to get the feeling

he's not gonna throw us the ball.

You you don't suppose it's possible

we've been tricked, do you?

[chattering]

Oh, Wade.

You aren't perchance feeling uncommonly brave today?

No, I just fainted at the sight of a dill pickle.

Good, because there's a monster coming this way.

A horrible, frightening, disgusting, terrorizing,

compacted sized monster, and here it comes now.

And here I go now.

[loud whoosh]

Wait, you have to see him before he can scare you!

No, I need not do no such thing!

I could be scared just over his impending arrival!

Read my contract!

I can, oh--

[loud clang]

Wake up, Wade, so you can see this monster and pass out.

[Michael] Is that who you said I could scare?

I can't scare him if he's unconscious.

Who am I kidding?

I can't even scare anyone who's wide awake.

Thanks for trying,

but I'm just destined to be a failure in life.

Wait, Dracula, or whatever your name is.

Stick around.

He'll be conscious in a few minutes.

[Mort] Maybe so!

But you won't be.

[chuckles]

You guys didn't mind my little football joke, did ya?

Nah, we like football.

In fact, we're just about to practice tackling.

And you are the dummy.

[yelping]

[loud crash] [loud thudding]

It looked like poor Roy was history, but then--

[Michael] My friend is in trouble!

Trouble was, there wasn't much he could do.

[Michael] Stop that!

Stop beating up on my friend!

Thanks for the effort, kiddo, but it's not enough.

And as he was standing there,

frustrated he couldn't do more to help,

a sudden gust of wind blew the paper bag off his head.

And my brothers saw his face.

[all blubbering]

[all scream]

Let me outta here! [loud thud]

Oh, that's scary!

Michael had his bag back on before Wade woke up,

but he didn't care about scaring Wade now.

He couldn't wait to get home

and tell his folks how he'd scared three big pigs.

They were very proud of him.

The end. Well, goodnight, guys.

Hey, wait a minute!

[Sheldon] You can't leave without telling us

what he looked like under the bag.

Yeah, he must have been horrible, huh?

With fangs and hair and--

Actually, when the bag was off,

he looked exactly like this.

He looked like that?

Well, that's not scary.

[Sheldon] Yeah, he looked like a farmer,

and he looks familiar.

Didn't you guys ever see this guy on TV?

Farmer Merv.

Howdy there, fans.

Farmer Merv here for Farmer Merv Pure Pork Sausage.

That's the guy who sells sausage on TV all the time.

[Sheldon] Why would they be afraid of him?

Don't you know what they make sausage out of?

Oh.

[gentle music]

[playful music]

♪ Three weeks ago, maybe four

♪ A man named Jon took his pets to the shore ♪

♪ He packed a picnic much larger than most ♪

♪ Which quickly vanished en route to the coast ♪

♪ Jon went swimming when they got to the beach ♪

♪ When suddenly, he heard somebody screech ♪

♪ A man who worked on a nearby pier ♪

♪ Yelled that a shark had been sighted around here ♪

♪ From the water, Jon quickly fled ♪

♪ And he decided to go fishing instead, ha ha ♪

[laughs]

Well, wading is fine, but I'd really rather go fishing.

[Garfield] Gee, I wonder why.

♪ He set his tackle and his fishing gear up ♪

♪ And that's when the kitty turned and said to the pup ♪

♪ The only thing that Jon will catch is a cold ♪

♪ I have a hunger that must be controlled ♪

♪ That's when the Odie dog happened to note ♪

♪ The harbor's pizza delivery boat ♪

♪ On a yacht or on a canoe

♪ To order pizza, here's what you should do ♪

♪ Send up a flag and they'll bring one to you ♪

♪ Out there on the ocean blue

[laughs]

Piping hot pizza, man!

♪ You can order a pizza with ease ♪

♪ Just raise up a flag for a jumbo with cheese ♪

♪ A red pennant brings a mushroom-sardine ♪

♪ For pepperoni, just run up the green ♪

♪ Two silver flags means that garlic's a must ♪

♪ Just run up a yellow for extra thick crust ♪

♪ A man with a mustache who works on the cove ♪

♪ Prepares your order right on the stove ♪

♪ You will receive it by ship or by barge ♪

♪ In 30 minutes or there is no charge ♪

♪ Hearing this caused the cat to decide ♪

♪ I think that we oughta go for a ride ♪

[Odie] Mm-mm, mm-mm.

♪ But despite the poor puppy dog's plea ♪

♪ They found a boat and they pulled out to sea ♪

♪ Though neither one of the pets could steer ♪

♪ Or were aware of a visitor near ♪

♪ The way to sail, they hadn't a clue ♪

♪ The cat and the puppy were quite in a stew ♪

♪ Without a captain or even a crew ♪

♪ Out there on the ocean blue

Oh, they in big trouble, man!

♪ They tried to order a pizza by flag ♪

♪ But almost at once they ran into a snag ♪

♪ Garfield said

♪ I just cannot recall

♪ Does gray get you olives or a spicy meatball ♪

Sausage is orange or maybe chartreuse.

No, wait, the pink was Canadian bacon.

Or was that the stripes?

No, the stripes were for zebra.

[dramatic music]

♪ And all of the time, they were motoring loose ♪

♪ Watching them sail from up on the dock ♪

♪ Jonathan Arbuckle went into shock ♪

♪ Those are my pets

♪ We heard Arbuckle say

♪ They're in a boat and they're floating away ♪

♪ Arbuckle ran out to yell to their ship ♪

♪ And that is when he embarked on a trip ♪

♪ Jonathan found himself soaring through air ♪

♪ Fortunately, they were sailing past there ♪

♪ That's when he noticed with mournful regrets ♪

♪ That he was in the same boat as his pets ♪

♪ It looked as if they were all through ♪

♪ As they were headed for southern Peru ♪

♪ The cat and the dog and Jon Arbuckle too ♪

♪ Out there on the ocean blue

Oh, they goners for sure.

[engine sputtering]

♪ Arbuckle said

♪ We are all in a mess

♪ And he attempted a call of distress ♪

♪ All he could raise on the boat's radio ♪

♪ Was what they call a talk radio show ♪

MAN: Yeah, I said,

turn your radio down! I can't hear you.

No, no. I can't hear you.

Turn your radio down. Hold on.

Wait, I'm gonna go turn--

Turn your radio down. ♪ And as they moaned

At the fore of the craft

♪ Someone was nibbling away at the aft ♪

[Odie] Hm?

♪ It was the puppy who noticed the sound ♪

♪ Went to investigate what could be found ♪

♪ He could not see 'cause the water was dark ♪

[Odie] Hm?

♪ Until a beam of sun lit on the shark ♪

[Odie howls]

♪ He gave a howl they heard in Quebec ♪

♪ They had a visitor eating the deck ♪

♪ Which brought the following thought from the cat ♪

♪ I've never been quite as hungry as that ♪

♪ As they stood there, and the shark ate the boat ♪

♪ They had but moments remaining afloat ♪

♪ There was a shark that they could not subdue ♪

♪ Eating the ship without pausing to chew ♪

♪ Hinting the next course could maybe be you ♪

♪ Out there on the ocean blue

Very little boat left, man.

[dramatic music]

[soft bubbling]

♪ Just then, a diver jumped up and unmasked ♪

♪ Who ordered pizza

♪ The visitor asked

♪ Garfield said

♪ It had better be dry

♪ And he made Arbuckle pay for the pie ♪

I so love swimming through shark-infested waters

to earn a 10-cent tip!

[dramatic music]

♪ Jon asked him

♪ How can you eat when we're doomed ♪

♪ By now, the shark had their boat half-consumed ♪

♪ 20 more bites, and they'd be in the ocean ♪

♪ That's when the cat had an obvious notion ♪

♪ Maybe he'd like a more edible dish ♪

♪ And so the cat gave the pie to the fish ♪

♪ Fish was so grateful and yearning for more ♪

♪ Gave them a ride safe and sound to the shore ♪

♪ They told the folks

♪ If you want a safe bay

♪ Feed the shark pizza three times every day ♪

[gentle music]

The shark was just hungry?

I guess everyone has to eat.

We'll arrange it so whenever he wants pizza, he'll get it.

[Garfield] How do I get that deal?

[playful music]

♪ Oh, how do I know all that happened at sea ♪

♪ Simple enough, for the shark, it was me ♪

♪ Now, when I'm starving, I know what to do ♪

♪ Order a pizza or maybe a few

♪ Since I'm not hungry, it's safe in my view ♪

♪ Out there on the ocean blue

[Garfield] Not anchovies again.

I'm a shark.

I like them!

[Garfield] I'd rather eat the boat.

[upbeat music]