01x01 - Peace & Quiet/U.S. Acres: Wanted: Wade/Garfield Goes Hawaiian

[bunniefuu]

-

- Oh,

- Oh, we're

- Oh, we're wearing

Our doggy coat, are we?

Don't we look just pwescious

In our dumb wittle doggy coat?

When we go on our walk

All the other dogs

Are gonna call you a nerd.

[ Whimpers ]

- But don't feel bad.

You'll be the best dressed

Nerd ever.

- Come on, guys, let's

Get ready for our walk.

- Maybe lightning'll strike me

And end this humiliation.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Garfield and friends.

- Friends are there

- ♪ To help you get started, ♪

♪ To give you a
push on your way ♪

- ♪ Friends are there ♪

- ♪ To turn you around, ♪

♪ Get your feet on the ground ♪

♪ For a brand new day ♪

- ♪ They pick you up ♪

♪ When you're down ♪

- ♪ Help you swallow ♪

♪ Your pride when something ♪

♪ Inside says to
break on through ♪

♪ To the other side. ♪

- ♪ Friends are someone ♪

♪ You can open up to ♪

- ♪ When you feel ♪

♪ Like you're ready to flip ♪

- ♪ When you've got ♪

♪ The world on your shoulders ♪

- ♪ Friends are there ♪

♪ To give you a tip ♪

- ♪ Friends are around ♪

♪ When you need them, ♪

♪ They're even there ♪

♪ When you don't ♪

- ♪ For a walk in the park ♪

♪ Or a shot in the dark, ♪

♪ Friends are there ♪

- ♪ I don't care ♪

- ♪ But friends
will care for you ♪

- You folks have this confused.

I'm real and you're animated.

[ Bicycle bell rings ]

[ Snoring ]

[ Pants ]

[ Licks ]

- Huh? Help!

I'm drowning.

Oh, oh, it's you odie.

I thought I was under

Water for a sec.

- For most slacks

And undergarments--

- Oh, no!

I left the t.v.

On all night!

- Then there are

The lightweight models

And that concludes our


Your friend, the coat hanger.

- I feel like such

An unworthy parent.

- Tune in next week for our


Cotton swabs,

A blessing or a curse?

[ Drum roll ]

- Hey, kids!

Binky's the name and

Clowning's my game.

How would you like me to come

To your house on your birthday?

Have your parents call

This number.

- Not now, binky,

I have to put garfield to bed.

[ Barks ]

- Oh, shh, shh, odie,

Garfield needs to sleep.

I have some shopping to do.

Let's go out so garfield can

Have some peace and quiet.

[ Yawns ]

[ Banging ]

[ Banging stops ]

[ Yawns ]

[ Circus music ]

- All right,

Who's the clown

Makin' that noise?

[ Tires screech ]

[ Knocks ]

- Hey, cat,

I'm binky the clown.

Is the home of

Mrs. Edna fogerty?

- No.

- I'm here to wish her

A happy 97th birthday!

- If he does,

Edna wont make 98.

- ♪ Happy birthday, ♪

♪ Happy birthday, whoopty do, ♪

♪ Whoopty do! ♪

♪ May your day be pleasant, ♪

♪ Open up your present, ♪

♪ Just for you, just for you. ♪

♪ Happy birthday, happy-- ♪

[ Knocks ]

- ♪ Happy birthday,
whoopty do, ♪

♪ Whoopty do. ♪

- People who sing like that

Should be drug out onto

The street and shot.

- Neither rain nor snow

Nor gloom of night

Nor cat with bad disposition

Will stay this clown

From his appointed rounds.

[ Yawns ]

[ Drums ]

- Hey, cat!

Smell my flower!

[ Laughing ]

- I have to finish

My birthday special.

I have another house

To do after this.

h*, h*, h*, merry birthday!

Yes, it's santa clown.

h*, h*, h*!

- Santa clown, gimme a break.

- Have you been

A good little cat this year?

Here's a gift for you, cat.

h*, h*, h*!

And so forth.

- Warning, splut enclosed.

What's a splut?

Oh, right, I keep forgetting.

- Oh, I'm sorry, pussycat,

Here, have a piece of candy.

That's chocolate covered

Tobasco hot peppers.

[ Sizzles ]

[ Laughs ]

- Water, water!

Come on, I need water!

- I have to wish edna

A happy birth--

[ Crashes ]

- He won't go away.

He'll never leave me alone.

He doesn't realize he has

The wrong house.

I have to do something.

- All right, I'm through

Being mr. Nice clown.

Open up, I'm gonna

Wish mrs. Edna fogerty

A happy birthday or else!

Mrs. Fogerty?

At last.

♪ Happy birthday,
happy birthday, ♪

♪ Whoopty do, whoopty do. ♪

- The way I figure it

I'm also doing mrs. Fogerty

A favor.

She doesn't have to listen

To this.

- ♪ May your day be pleasant,
open up your present, ♪

♪ Just for you, just for you. ♪

- At last, peace and quiet.

I think I'll sleep

Until halloween.

No, thanksgiving, it's longer.

- Garfield, we're home!

Well, you look like you've got

A nice nap while we were gone.

We got you some birthday gifts,

Garfield.

[ Barks ]

- That's right, I was so tired

I forgot today was my birthday.

[ Pants ]

- And while we were out

I arranged for

A special birthday surprise!

- ♪ Happy birthday, ♪

♪ Happy birthday, whoopty do, ♪

♪ Whoopty do-- ♪

- [ Screams ]

♪ Open up you present, ♪

♪ Just for you, just for you. ♪

[ Wind blows ]

[ Panting ]

- Made it, at last a place

Where I can have peace

And quiet.

- I thought you'd never

Get here!

Happy birthday, happy
birthday,

♪ Whoopty do, whoopty do, ♪

♪ May your day pleasant, ♪

♪ Open up your present, ♪

♪ Just for you, just for you. ♪

♪ Happy birthday,
happy birthday, ♪

♪ Whoopty do, whoopty do. ♪

- Hey, wade!

- Oh, oh, oh. Who "waded"?

- Wade, you gotta come

Over here, man,

And scope this out.

- What is it?

- You won't believe it, man.

- Believe what?

- This bug I found.

[ Yells ]

- A bug! A bug!

- A bug.

Wade, you sissy, you shouldn't

Be afraid of a bug.

- Whoa.

[ Snores ]

[ Alarm beeps ]

[ Yawns ]

[ Crowing ]

- I can sleep later now

That they've brought out

A whole compact disc

Of rooster cries.

[ Crowing continues ]

- Another day,

Another 600 things to dread.

Up early, orson?

- I got hooked on this book.

It's about a wanted criminal,

A fugitive from justice.

The police hunted him--

[ Crowing continues ]

- Everyone's up.

Roy can knock off that crowing.

I'm gonna go tell him to stop.

- Hey, orson, is this your

Paper here under the sofa?

It's stuck.

What is this thing?

Warning, do not remove this tag

Under penalty of law penal code


Gee, it's against the law

To remove--

Well, I have leaves to rake,

So I tore a tag off.

What harm can it do?

They can't arrest me for that,

Can they?

Maybe I could sew it back on?

What harm can it do?
What harm can it do?

What harm can it do?

- ♪ It starts with just ♪

♪ A little thing, ♪

♪ No one would miss at all. ♪

♪ What possible perceivable ♪

♪ Harm can it do ♪

♪ To break just a little law? ♪

♪ What harm can it do?
What harm can it do? ♪

♪ What harm can it do? ♪

[ Whistle blows ]

[ Sirens ]

- ♪ Bedtime's every
night at nine ♪

♪ But out of bed you creep. ♪

♪ You play real quiet ♪

♪ Until you hear. ♪

- You're supposed

To go to sleep.

- What harm can it do?

What harm can it do?
What harm can it do?

♪ Rules are made for a reason, ♪

♪ Always some we hate. ♪

♪ They help us all ♪

♪ To get along together, ♪

♪ Laws are made ♪

♪ To keep us straight. ♪

♪ You borrow something ♪

♪ From a friend, ♪

♪ A doll or maybe a truck ♪

♪ They saw you take it, ♪

♪ They want it back, ♪

♪ Oh, boy, no toy, oh, yuck! ♪

♪ What harm can it do?
What harm can it do? ♪

Wade, you're a wanted duck!

- What harm can it do?

What harm can it do?
What harm can it do?

[ Gavel bangs ]

- Wade duck, you are charged

With tearing the
tag off a pillow,

How do you plead?

- I did it!

I did it. I'm glad I did it!

And I'd do it again.

- I sentence you to 9,999 years

In prison.

- At least I didn't get life.

- I robbed 50 banks

And 60 gas stations.

- Yeah, well, I robbed 70

Banks, see, and 90 gas stations

And I stole

The klopman diamond.

What are you in for?

- I tore the tag off a pillow.

[ Gasps ]

- Let me outta here.

- Help!

- No, no, I don't wanna

Go to prison!

I gotta sew that tag back on!

[ Crowing continues ]

[ Snores ]

- Roy, wake up.

Roy, roy, you have

Your earmuffs on.

- I can't hear you.

I have earmuffs on.

- The folks next-door

Called the police.

See? They called the police

To complain.

Turn the noise off.

[ Crowing continues ]

- I can't hear you.

Wait till I turn the noise off.

- Oh, this is ridiculous.

They wouldn't put me

In jail for tearing a tag!

I'm too nervous.

It's not like the police

Are looking for--

The police!

They found me. Help, help!

- It's stuck.

That's what I get for buying

A stereo from a horse.

- You've gotta turn it off.

- Hide me! I'm too
young to go to prison

[ Crash ]

- Whoops. [ Laughs ]

- Well, that's one way

To stop it.

- Please, you gotta save me.

Hide me.

Get me an attorney.

Get me an attorney named murray!

I don't wanna go to jail!

I didn't mean it.

Please, orson!

- Wade, calm down.

What did you do?

- I tore the tag off

Of a pillow

And now the police

Have come for me.

- You thought that that was--

You were--you were.

[ Laughs ]

- Wade, you're not

Going to jail.

I guarantee it.

- We know you're in there.

Come out with your hands up.

[ Babbling ]

- Come out with your hands up.

We have you surrounded.

Didn't that sound neat?

- I don't know, booker.

Do you think that was very nice?

- Oh, come on.

What harm can it do?

- Ew! A spider.

Hold still, little spider,

While I squash you

With the window.

Yeah, I know it's kind of cruel

But it's part of my job.

[ Glass breaks ]

- Well, at least I got

Rid of the spider.

Oh, no.

- Really, liz?

A new cat disease?

What's it called?

- I just got the report here

At the clinic.

It's called the
hawaiian cat flu.

- Hawaiian cat flu?

Well, I'm not worried.

Garfield never gets sick.

- Hawaii, hawaii, hawaii.

- Jon, can you hear me?

Jon.

- I'm not sure

But I think garfield

Just might have the
hawaiian cat flu.

- 101 Degrees.

- 101?

That's a fever?

- Nah, that's normal
for garfield.

- That's the temperature

Of microwave lasagna.

- Just give him the medicine

I'll prescribe and whatever

You do, don't mention...

[ Whispers ]

- Don't mention hawaii?

[ Chants ]

- Every time you mention

Anything hawaiian

He'll react like that.

- Really?

[ Pants ]

- You mean, he's gonna

Start dancing every time

I mention hawaii?

- Take him home

And give him this.

- Either that or plan a luau.

You have to take it, garfield,

You start dancing every time

I mention who, uh,

That place or anything

From that place.

- You're being more ridiculous

Than usual which

Is pretty ridiculous.

- Macadamia nuts.

[ Chants ]

[ Pants ]

- Now will you take
your medicine?

- He refuses to
take it, liz. I...

[ Barks ]

- I'll call you back, liz.

[ Barks ]

- Odie, look what you've done!

You've ruined my best

Hawaiian shirt!

Let's see, one cup of flour,

Two eggs, one can of pineapple.

[ Humming ]

- Poor garfield, dancing like

That every time someone

Says honolulu.

If garfield doesn't

Take his medicine...

- Tomorrow night's show

We'll be featuring

Silly animal stunts.

So if your pet does something

Silly, you could win $1,000!

- A cat that does the hula.

That's pretty stilly,

Isn't it, odie?

[ Barks ]

- I'll get garfield

On that show and then I can

Just kiss all my financial

Worries aloha!

- Could we have

The next applicant

For silly animals stunts?

- He tap dances to old

Wayne newton records

While knitting a sweater.

- Oh, not another tap dancing

Knitting octopus act.

- All right, next?

What does he do?

[ Screeches ]

- Polly does impressions.

Polly does impressions.

[ Whistles ]

- [Bill cosby] hello, hey, man,

This is really cool.

Give me a cr*cker, man.

La-la-la-la! La-la-la-la!

[Jack nicholson] let me have

A cr*cker, pal,

Or I won't be responsible.

[Bob hope] hey, how about

These feathers, hunh?

Aren't they something?

Hey, I wanna tell ya'.

[Dirty harry] go ahead,

Make my cage.

[Mr. T] I pity the fool.

I pity the fool

Who don't give me a cr*cker,

'Cause I need a cr*cker.

[ Pants ]

- Well, what do you think?

- Needs work.

- And what does your cat do?

- Oh, he has a very

Silly talent.

He dances whenever he hears...

[ Whispers ]

- Oh, that's silly.

That's the silliest one

I've heard all day.

He's on the show.

Be back here tonight.

- Me? On t.v.?

Well, it took him long enough

To discover my natural talents.

[ Hums ]

- I'm gonna be rich,

Yes, sir, I'm gonna be rich.

[ Hums ]

- Jon thinks he's gonna

Make a fortune.

Well, if I'm gonna be on t.v.

I'd better be in my best health

Which means taking

This medicine.

- Yuck!

- Come on, garfield,

They're waiting for us

At the studio.

- My public awaits.

I hope I don't have to

Sign autographs

Mainly 'cause cats can't write.

[ Barks ]

- Maybe I should have

Brought a film clip.

I wonder what they

Expect me to do?

- I wonder what

They expect me to do.

[ Applause ]

- Well, thank you.

Wasn't that just silly?

Well, our last contestant

I'm told is one of

The silliest acts

We've ever had.

- Come on, garfield, we're on.

- Would you please welcome

Mr. Jon arbuckle and his cat,

Garfield.

- Next time I get

First billing.

- Well, mr. Arbuckle,

What exactly is it

That garfield does?

- He dances the hula every

Time someone mentions hawaii.

- I do not.

[ Audience laughs ]

- Did you hear me, garfield?

I said hawaii.

[ Laughs ]

- No, honest, he dances

The hula.

He must be nervous.

Hawaii, garfield, honolulu,

Surfboards, ukuleles, don h*?

- Me?

Dance the hula on t.v.?

I have my dignity.

- Garfield, please, hawaii,

Maui, book him, dan-o,

Pineapples, volcanoes,

He really does.

He dances the hula.

Like this.

Hello, hawaii.

Can I come over?

[ Babbles ]

He did! He danced the hula!

- Congratulations,

This is the silliest act

We've ever had on the show.

You win the $1,000!

- I do?

- How do you like that?

I get him on the show

And he gets the money.

- I guess he's all cured, liz.

Garfield's all over

The hawaiian cat flu.

- Great but you better

Keep him inside.

There's another one going

Around, the alaskan cat flu.

- Alaskan cat flu?

How will I know if garfield

Comes down with that?

[ Barks ]

- Mush, mush.

- Jon, are you there?

I'll explain about

The alaskan cat flu.

[ Sighs ]

- Never mind.