01x51 - #TheFreshPrincessOfRenFaire

[bunniefuu]

♪ Whoo! ♪
[theme song playing]

♪ When super me
Becomes super we ♪

♪ Suddenly, magically
Pretty automatically ♪

♪ Crushing it side by side ♪

♪ Look out, world
We're Super Hero Girls ♪

♪ Now that we're together
Gonna get that super life! ♪

♪ Wow! ♪

[Barbara] ♪ I sing thee a
tale of times of olde ♪

♪ Of maidens fair
and champions bold ♪

♪ Of a winsome princess
shut high away ♪

♪ Her fate to become a cruel
dragon's prey ♪

♪ But lo! Comes a knight,
so brave and so strong ♪

♪ To rescue the damsel,
to right all the wrongs ♪

♪ Fiddle-de-dee, fa-la... ♪

Fiddle-de-dude!
Enough already!

Prithee, Milady Danvers!
Hark! Hark and thither!

Uponst this most
portentous morn,

at the eminent Faire of thine
Renaissance,

do nottest thou callest me of mine
olde moniker "Babs" and stuff!

In lieu, I beseech thee, referest
thou to my humble personage as...

Lady Barbara de Gordon,

First of her Name, Maker of
Burritos, Daughter of Jim.

C'mon, Kara! The Renaissance Faire
is only fun if you play along!

Uh-uh, dude, I'm only here
for two things, 'kay,

to eat turkey legs
and to laugh at geeks.

[Jessica] Hey, guys!

[Kara] Speaking of which...

Wow! Great costumes.

Thanks. I'm an Elven Ranger...

[coughs] Geek!
[coughs]

Zee and Diana are
running late.

They'll meet us inside.

Then let us not tarry!
Into the Faire we goooooo.

[people talking indistinctly]

[children laughing]

Uh-huh. This isn't The Renaissance
Faire they were talking about

in the news, is it?

You know, the one where
some people go and

[voice breaks] never come back?

Yeah! 'Cause it's awesome!

Forget those rumors, Karen.

They're just trying to scare people
off to keep the crowds down,

so they don't run out
of turkey legs.

Hey, did someone say
turkey legs?

Oh, hey, there. I'd like
one turkey leg to go...

Amber.

- It's Ember.
- Got it.

Leg me, Amber!

And the corn on the
cob on a stick.

- [Ember] Ugh!
- [footsteps receding]

Thanks, Ember. I'm a little
surprised you came today.

I didn't think Renaissances
Faires were really your thing.

You kidding? I love this.

- [sizzling]
- [munches]

Ha! Geek!

[Ember grunts]

Sorry about her, Amber.

It's Ember.

Ugh!

[laughs wickedly]

[typing]

[growls]

[blades swoosh]

[growls]

- Hey, geek! I'm ready for round two.
- Hmm?

[Kara] Time is turkey legs.
Let's go!

Ugh!

Keep 'em coming, Amber.
I'm starving!

[Kara] That's right. Yeah, keep it.
Yeah. Right.

And, one for the chompers.

Aaaah!

Okay. Thanks, geek.

[sighs]
You think you're hungry,

I haven't had a decent meal
in centuries.

[Ember] You call these princesses?

Blech. Bland. Tasteless.

Nothing but empty calories.

What I wouldn't do for an
old-fashioned, authentic, delicious,

delectable... [sniffs]

Wait! Is that?
[gasps]

After all these years.

[Ember relieved]
A real princess!

[laughs wickedly]

Hello, my subjects.

Oh, photos are encouraged.

Oh, and don't forget,
Hashtag Princess Zee.

Though two gorgeous
princesses would be far more

social media-worthy.

What do you mean? I am dressed
as a princess, as instructed.

That is not "princess."

This...

is "princess."

Indeed not.

Huh?

"Princess" is a title
of birthright,

defended on the field
of battle, then passed down

from one generation
to the next.

One's dress is not a factor.

Uh, it's the only factor!

What's the point of being a princess
if you don't get to be gorgeous?

The actual point of being a princess
is leadership and diplomacy.

Where's the fun in that?

Who said ruling kingdoms
is fun?

♪ I tell thee a tale of two
princesses fair! ♪

♪ Who showed up totally late
but it's okay we don't mind! ♪

Oh, there you guys are.

Come on,
let's go have some fun.

Pfft! Never in my 317 years,

have I seen criminals
allowed the fries of France.

Everything here
is most inauthentic.

Except for the turkey legs.

- Which look delicious.
- [munching]

What's inauthentic? There's
Ye Olde Snack Bar,

Ye Olde ATM Machine,

Ye Olde WiFi Mobile Hot Spot!

[sighs] Forget it, Babs, you're talking
to the princess of party poop, here.

♪ Say I, Diana,
thee hath not yet ♪

♪ Seen the full pleasures
of the Faire! ♪

♪ Pray, follow
and be enchanted! ♪

[sighs]
If I must.

[Barbara] Huzaah!

[laughs wickedly]

Whoa! Woo!

Hark, Diana!
A giant mace!

Authentic, am I right!

- [metal thuds]
- [Barbara grunts]

[groans]
And dense!

- Authentic!
- [sword swooshes]

This workmanship is
crude and lazy.

Hmm.

[grunts]

Much better!

[Ember groans]

[grunting]

And now, I remove
her hood,

so she knows the hunt
is about to begin.

[snoring]

[audience laughing]

Come on, wake up,
Milady Hawk.

Insolence.

Diana, will you just...

- Hey!
- Fool!

This falcon does not
respect you.

- Hey!
- Away, hunter of game.

Heed your noble calling
and seek worthy prey!

[sadly] Milady Hawk.

[grunts]

[hawk screeching]

[screams]

- [crying]
- Well, thanks a lot, Diana.

You ruined the whole show.

- [Ember screaming] Get off me!
- [hawk screeching]

[screaming] Stop it!

[grunting]

What is this?
I do not understand.

[Zatanna] You know, for the first
time today, I'm with Diana.

That is gross.

[grunt] Eww!

[Kara] What's not to get?

[Kara] They're pathetic
peasant dudes

- throwing mud at each other.
- [growling]

It's hi-larious!

I understand that.
What I do not understand

is why they are using mud so
unsuitable to proper throwing.

That mud contains
far too much pig filth.

[gasps] Pig filth?

[gasps]

[gasps and screams]

[pig snorting]

[horse neighing]

[crowd cheering]

Finally, the main event.

Ugh!

[Zatanna] Evomer tops.

[softly] Zee, what are
you doing?

You can't do magic in public!

Well, what choice
do I have?

A real princess can't receive
her knights covered in filth!

Our champions shall choose
a fair maiden to fight for.

Pray tell, who shall
they offer their rose?

[gasps]

[clears throat]

Your princess awaits, boys.

[gasps] Huh?

Huh!

[fighting and effort grunting]

Oh, aren't you just adorable.

Tsk. A disgrace.

I've never seen
such poor equestrianship.

[Diana] One should have
slain the other by now.

Why do you encourage
this charade?

- Grr.
- Clearly, you're stronger than both of them put together.

- [groans]
- And that says much, for you are so physically weak.

[effort grunting]

[gasps]

Oops. Reflexes.

Grr! What is your problem?

Can't you just
play along? Just once?

You get to be miss island warrior
princess thingy every day of the year.

Would it k*ll you to let me
be a princess for one day?

This is folly. One cannot be
princess for only one day.

- It is a lifetime of solemn responsibility...
- [growling]

[yells]

You know what, why don't
you just go ahead and be

[mimicking Diana] "Responsible
Princess Diana"

with a lifetime of drudgery and
awfulness, somewhere else!

I'm going to go and enjoy
the rest of my day.

And I shall be responsible
Princess Diana

with a lifetime of drudgery and
awfulness in this direction,

far away from you and your
delusions of nobility!

[sighs]

[munching]

[belches and munches]

[mimicking Diana] I'm so smart.

And being a princess is
terrible and filthy and no fun.

[grunts]

[sighs]

[soft sigh] Just one day,
that's all I wanted.

[growls]

[blades popping]

[laughs maniacally]

[mouse squeaks]

[growls]

[growls]

[gasps]

[demonic voice]
Well, hello, there, Princess.

[whines]