02x17 - #TheWarriorAndTheJester

[bunniefuu]

♪ Whoo! ♪
[theme song playing]

♪ When super me
Becomes super we ♪

♪ Suddenly, magically
Pretty automatically ♪

♪ Crushing it side by side ♪

♪ Look out, world
We're Super Hero Girls ♪

♪ Now that we're together
Gonna get that super life! ♪

♪ Wow! ♪

[chomping]

- Come to Diana.
- [door slams]

[Barbara] This is
the greatest day of my life!

She's the best, best, best!

[chuckles] Slow down, Babs.
Who is the best?

Woohoo! Dang, dang, dang!

- [ice cream plopping]
- [Diana grunts]

[splatters]

Looks like you missed your mouth
a little there Big D. [laughing]

Ah, yes, I am so clumsy.

Kiddin'. Come on, Diana.
Can't you take a joke?

Of course, I can.
Oh, I just remembered.

I have less hilarious
places to be.

- So what are you so excited about?
- Oh, nothing really.

Just Harleen got me
the most insanely incredible,

amazed, crazed gift
in the entire universe.

[both] Hmm?

Yeah, I don't get it.

This is Batman's ear.

Legend has it,
this ear was sliced off

- the Dark Knight's cowl by the Joker himself.
- [Joker laughing]

It then made its way to the black
market where it was snagged

by one of Harleen's
connections.

Now it is my most
priced possession.

[both squealing, chuckling]

[swishing]

I cannot take a joke.

[scoffs] Perhaps I will
convince you otherwise

when I not only take your
joke but shove it down your...

I'm sensing you're still a little upset
about Harleen this morning, huh?

What does Barbara
even see in her?

Look, Harleen can be a bit...

[gasps] What are you
sharpening your sword with?

A whetstone, of course.

Mine was worn, so I borrowed
the one from Babs' desk.

Diana, that is Batman's ear.

[cracking]

[gasps] Oh, no.

I mean, they look so similar.

[cracking]

But why would Babs
have a whetstone?

And didn't you see this?

[triumphant music]

[exhales] I must have been
so blinded by rage.

Well, I have no choice
but to do the honorable thing.

Confess my horrendous mistake
to Barbara.

Ordinarily, I'd say
honesty is the best way to go.

But Babs really loves that ear.

I know,
but I must do what is right.

Really loves that ear.

♪ I love you, Bat-ear ♪

♪ If anyone hurt you
I'd lose it mentally ♪

♪ Whether it was on purpose
Or done accidentally ♪

[gasps] What do I do?

Okay, Babs won't be back
down here

until 6:00 am tomorrow
to watch her cartoons.

That means you have ten hours
to find the replacement ear.

But does such a thing
even exist?

If it does, I can think
of only one person who'd know.

[Harleen] Road trip!

[chewing loudly]

[sighs] Look at us.

Just a couple of gal pals
on our way to Gotham City.

It's so exciting.

Yes, exciting,
but let us stay focused.

We have just enough time to get a
replacement ear and return before Babs...

Harleen, are you listening?

Hey, since I'm helping you, you're
gonna owe me big time, aren't ya?

You have my word, Harleen.

I intend
to fully repay my debt,

no matter what [splat] you ask.

- [train stops]
- Oh, look at that. We're here.

[banging on door]
Open up, open up, open up!

You're gonna love Gotham.
But a word of warning.

G-town can seem a little
prickly to the uninitiated.

- [siren blaring]
- [gasps]

[dog barking]

- [Harleen] Hey, Jeremy.
- Oh, hey, Harleen.

- [indistinct chatter]
- Uh, excuse me.

[crow cawing]

- [grunts]
- I beg your...

Hey! [gasps] My backpack.

I have been robbed! That
Gothamite thief will regret to...

[alarm beeping]
There's no time to go after it.

- We must get Babs new Bat-ear.
- Right.

So we gotta meet my connection
across town at Sprang Station.

Don't worry, I'll get us there
in no time. This way.

- [sighs]
- I mean, this way.

- This is not Sprang Station.
- Nope.

This is the Ace Chemical Plant,

and that is the vat where the
legendary Joker was born.

Isn't it something?

And what does this have to do
with getting a new Bat-ear?

Nothing. Just thought I'd share some
of Gotham's rich culture with ya.

- [watch ticking]
- All right, time crunch.

Okay, okay. From now on,
I'm gonna stay razor-focused.

Ooh, butterfly. [giggling]

[sighs in exasperation]

Harleen, are you okay?
What is it?

This is Crime Alley.

[lightning crackling]

Two of Gotham's greatest treasures
were lost forever right here.

I was just a kid and I
remember it like yesterday.

I was sucking on a pair
of all-day Jack Smackers

when they fell out of my mouth
and on to the ground.

I spent hours looking
for those two candy ba*ls,

but they were gone.

Harleen, can we please
just go and...

Oh, look, here they are.

Pesky pearls.
[chomps] Wait a minute.

These ain't mine.

Harleen, you have already
shown me this chemical plant.

Ah, you're thinking
the Ace Chemical on 3rd.

This is the Ace on 27th.

This vat is what turned
Dr. Freeze into Mr. Freeze.

[sighs in exasperation] I do
not care about chemical vats.

You sure? I wanna show you
the Ace on 43rd.

That's where this actor guy got
turned into a clay monster...

Just take me to Sprang Station!

- Please.
- Eh, yeesh. Cranky much?

Eh, I still love ya.
Now come on.

Here we are. Sprang Station.

What do we do now?
And, please,

try to limit your answer
to 20 words or fewer.

The plan is to get the Bat-ear

by cutting it out
the Batman himself.

Hey, that was only 15 words.

- Are you serious?
- Eh, I think so.

I counted Batman as one word. I'm
not sure if he hyphenates, but...

I was talking about your plan!

Yep. I know this place is on
the big guy's night patrol.

All we gotta do
is tag us a wall

and when Bats comes
to wag a finger at us,

my connection will sneak up behind him
and snip, that ear is as good as Babs'.

This was a terrible idea.
I should have known better.

I should have been upfront
with Barbara from the start.

Uh-oh. Sounds like someone's coming
down with a case of the "Should'ves."

And you, Harleen Quinzel,

you are the single most, irritating
person I have ever encountered.

[laughs] Oh, you.

Let us just return
to Metropolis

so I can tell Babs the truth
about her ear.

[spraying]

- [gasps]
- Great, huh?

They say the best artist is both
beautiful and thought-provoking.

[panting] We must remove this
defacement of public property at once.

[dramatic music playing]

[gasps] Batman. It is an honor.

I realize how this looks,
but I assure you

I would never make such public
assertions about your personal odor or...

[clattering]

Stay still, Bats.

Harley Quinn!

[grunts] Just gonna take
a little of the top.

[thrilling instrumental music]

[grunting]

[grunts]

[screams]

[grunting]

[grunts] Stucco.

Why'd this wall
have to be stucco?

It's itching like crazy.

[speaking indistinctly]

You are not alone
in your anger, sir.

In fact,
this may sound strange,

but I had much higher hopes for
the first time our paths crossed.

[speaking indistinctly]

[dramatic music playing]

[Barbara crying]
Has anyone seen this Bat-ear?

It's the sweetest little ear
you've ever seen.

Or at least it was. [crying]

No amount of treats
can fill the hole in my heart.

But I'll try. Bat-ear would
have wanted it that way.

[chomping]

In case it wasn't obvious, Babs
found out her ear went missing.

I would give anything to make this
pain I have caused her go away.

[crying]

But I'm afraid it is time
to come clean.

Barbara dear,
there is something

I must tell you about your Bat-ear.

You found it, right? That's what
you have to tell me, right?

Right, right? You found it?

No, I'm afraid
your Bat-ear is gone.

Gone?

[Harleen] That's right. Gone.
'Cause I took it.

See, my connection got her hands
on some even better Batmobilia.

And said I could trade
the ear for it.

Tada! A genuine
used-in-combat Batarang.

[gasps]
A real-life Batarang!

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Look at my cool thing.

Harleen, I believe I owe you
an apology and my gratitude.

I didn't do it for you.

I knew my Babsie
was gonna be heartbroken

and there was no way
I was letting that happen.

That's right. An honest-to-goodness
Batarang. Can you believe it?

You know, I think I'm beginning
to see what Babs sees in you.

- [Babs giggling]
- I am grateful.

[chuckles] All the same,

for putting a smile
on Babs' face,

consider me in your debt,
Harleen Quinzel.

Better believe you owe me.

Batarangs ain't easy
to come by, you know.

Yes. I can imagine
it would be very difficult.

How did you say your connection
came upon this one?

See, you can tell
this was used in the field.

It's got little pieces
of stucco wedged in it.

[gasps] Merciful Minerva!

[laughing maniacally]

- You are Harley Qui...
- Shh!

Think I gotta cash in
that big favor you owe me

and ask you to keep
a little secret.

[gasps]