02x09 - Bad Feng Shui

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪]

[Clock chimes]

[Echoes of children playing]

[Gears ticking]

[Children's voices echo]

[♪♪]

[Low growling]

[Stereo plays loudly]

This new color's a win.

- I'm so wearing this
- to the dance...

I mean, if I even go.

Relax.

- Justin is totally
- gonna ask you.

Then why hasn't he?

Well, you know

How he tries to be

All mister "whatever."

Asking too soon would be,

Like, un-cool.

[Laughing]

I hope you're right.

I'll die if I miss this dance.

- Jessica!
- It's almost 9:00.

Time for megan to go.

Could you try knocking?

- I, uh, guess
- it got late.

Um, bye, mrs. Chen.

I'll, uh, see you tomorrow?

Yup.

When I left for mrs. Taylor's, I

Told you to clean this room.

Oh, right...

But megan came by

And wanted to study together.

Study?

- How would you even find
- a school book in this chaos?

No wonder your grades

Have declined.

- You know I have some of
- the hardest teachers, and...

Jessica!

I'm tired of

Your constant excuses.

You don't do your chores.

You neglect your violin.

- You forget
- what I tell you,

- Or don't bother
- to remember.

And this mess...

Fine, I get it.

- I'll clean it right
- when I get home tomorrow.

- No, right after
- you get home tomorrow,

I want you to take a city bus

- And meet me in chinatown
- to help shop.

Okay.

Then I'll do it after that.

Yes. You most certainly will.

Yeah. Okay.

Bye.

Megan, justin just asked me.

[Both squealing]

- We so have to go malling
- and start looking for dresses!

Come on!

No, wait.

- My mom had something
- she wanted me to do.

Oh.

[Sighs]

- I wish she'd just chill.
- She's always on my back.

Your mom seems okay to me.

'Cause you don't

Live with her.

Hey, let's just

- Check out a couple stores
- real fast before I meet her.

If you think that's okay.

[Cell phone rings]

Yeah, come on.

Okay. [Squealing]

- [Frustrated]
- answer your phone...

- You've reached jessica.
- Leave a message.

You are very late.

Beautiful,

Aren't they?

They are to be used

- In the practice
- of good feng shui.

Yes, I know.

As a child, I was taught

The importance of harmony

And positive qi.

Then you must know

That bad feng shui

Puts life

Out of balance,

Causing misfortune

And discord.

Would you be so concerned

With my discord

If you weren't trying

To sell me something?

[Chuckles]

To put coins in my pocket,

I could peddle postcards

To tourists.

[Sighs]

I have a child who is...

Spirited.

Perhaps you will

Find this useful.

Other cultures

Do not appreciate

The snake as we do.

It has such powers

Of healing and change.

It's a good price.

But I can take 10% off.

My daughter

Wouldn't like this.

It is a rare child

Who likes her medicine.

But if she has no need

Of improvement...

Do you deliver?

Mom, I'm home!

Sorry I'm a little late, but...

Mom!

What did you do to my room?

I put things in order

According to feng shui,

A chinese way

- Of arranging
- the environment

To attract positive qi...

The good energy.

- It will make
- your life better.

My life is fine.

Where's my stuff?

Jessica, listen to me...

- Positioning
- the furniture properly

And displaying objects

Is a chinese tradition

- That will bring
- good things to you.

- Fish bring
- great achievements.

They will help you

To excel in schoolwork.

The elephant

Improves concentration

And memory,

- So you do not
- forget

- When your mother
- is waiting for you

To go shopping.

The dragon protects,

- And the horse
- is for perseverance.

- You will try harder
- at your violin studies.

Mom, I don't want

This stupid chinese junk

In my room.

It's creepy.

- I just want
- my stuff back.

All that clutter

Was bad feng shui.

It traps qi

And attracts bad things.

Why do you have to

Ruin everything?

That's enough.

You can come to dinner

When you're ready to apologize.

[Door closes firmly]

I'm not hungry!

It's awful.

My room is a freak museum.

- Where'd your mom
- even find that stuff?

Um, a place in chinatown.

Mr. Ming?

- I've seriously
- never been so mad at her.

[Statue shatters]

- I bet it's not
- as bad as you think.

Oh, yeah?

- I haven't even told you
- about the giant snake face yet.

The what?

- It's so gross.
- [Statue shatters]

I hate snakes.

So, what're you going to do?

I don't know.

I just want everything

Back the way it was.

[Sighs]

I gotta go.

Bye.

[Sighing]

[Latch squeaks]

[Pin snaps apart]

[Door creaks open]

[Snake hissing]

[Hissing]

[Hisses]

[Snarling]

[Furniture dragging heavily]

Time for school.

[Groans groggily]

Jessica!

I'm up, I'm up.

- Why did you move
- the furniture?

What?

I didn't do this.

It was good

Feng shui before.

I'm very disappointed in you.

I have not been a good mother.

Mom...

I didn't do it.

- I should not
- have permitted you

- To neglect your schoolwork
- and violin.

I swear I didn't do it!

Or allowed you

To become a person

- Who disrespects
- her heritage.

- You're not listening to me,
- I didn't do it!

Or lies to her mother.

This is crazy.

- Someone else
- messed up my room.

But I am not giving up on you.

- When your father
- comes back from his trip,

We'll begin tutoring you

Every night.

Mom, something weird

Is going on.

You have to believe me...

- And no more
- silly social distractions,

Like ball games,

Or sleepovers,

Or school dances!

You can't do that.

Yes, I can.

I'm your mother.

I wish you weren't.

[Screams]

[Screaming]

Whoa, jess, calm down.

It was just a nightmare.

No, no, no, it wasn't.

- Okay, you got
- way too wound up

Over that chinese stuff.

I mean, now you have, like,

- Post-traumatic
- freakout disorder.

Look, I'll be there

In a few, okay?

Megan, wait!

[Door rattling]

[Doorknob rattling]

Mom!

Mom, you're okay...

[Jessica gasping shakily]

I thought that...

Your hand...

You're not my mother.

[Ghostly snarling]

[Door slams, dresser thuds]

[Panting in terror]

[Ghostly snarling]

[Ghostly whispers

[Hiss and fade]

Oh, hi, mrs. Chen.

Um, is jessica here?

Well, I mean,

I know she's here,

I just talked to her, but...

Is she ready for school?

Do you... Feel okay?

Um...

I can just wait over there.

[Dialing cell phone]

[Jessica's cell phone rings]

[Cell phone rings]

[Phone ringing]

Megan?

- So does
- your mom think

- I'm like
- the worst influence ever?

- Because she won't even
- speak to me now.

Megan, that's not my mom!

Stay away from it!

What?

- It's some
- horrible ghost.

- It's got fangs,
- and gross reptile skin,

And these nails...

- It has something to do
- with feng shui.

[Ghostly snarling]

Megan!

Jess?

J-jessica!

[Dresser dragging heavily]

You okay?

[Screams]

Jess!

You okay?

Yeah...

[Screaming]

Wait, are you sure

- We shouldn't, like, call
- the police or something?

It's a chinese ghost.

I need a chinese solution.

Wait, is this is it?

I think so.

Okay.

Mr. Ming?

How may I help you?

A ghost took my mother.

- You have to tell me
- how to get her back!

How could I have

That knowledge,

When it is your ghost?

- It is a curious
- predicament

You describe,

But why do you believe

That feng shui is to blame?

- 'Cause the ghost
- didn't show up random.

It was after mom bought

The chinese stuff.

The practice of feng shui

Is to bring in more positive qi.

Ghosts are attracted

To negative qi.

Um... You kind of

Anti-feng shui'd

Your room.

- I got really, really mad
- and broke the things.

Do you think I stirred up

A bunch of bad qi?

"When you invite guests

To your house,

Expect him to eat

What you serve."

Huh?

I don't get it.

[Sighs heavily]

Then perhaps

- Your mother will be
- lost forever.

It's time to close.

B-but I don't know

What to do.

The horse...

My mom said

- It's a symbol
- of perseverance.

My mom wouldn't give up on me,

- And I'm not going to
- give up on her.

Hopefully, it's not too late.

Is it?

Is it too late?

I'm a shopkeeper,

Not a fortune teller.

Okay.

- Let's go all feng shui
- on this place.

I have to do this myself.

What?

Jess, you can't.

My mom got taken.

I can't put you in danger, too.

I mean it.

Just be careful.

You're supposed to protect.

You better have my back.

[Distant clattering]

Hello?

Hello!

[Ghostly snarling]

We have good feng shui now.

So give me back my mother

And go away!

Stop it!

My mother belongs here.

[Distant smashing]

No, don't!

[Hisses, beckoning]

You want me to smash it?

Wait, do you think

This is what I want?

Maybe that's what

Mr. Ming meant

About you being "my ghost"

And "eating what I serve."

I didn't mean it

When i...

When I said

I wished she wasn't my mother.

I want her back.

Do you hear me?

- [Jessica's voice echoes]
- I didn't mean it...

Jessica?

I want my mother back!

Jessica?

[Hissing and smashing]

Stop it!

Don't you understand?

Jessica?

I love my mom!

Where is she?

I love my mom!

I'm here, jessica!

I'm here!

I need you!

Please, mom...

Where are you?

I need you!

[Groaning with effort]

Please, mom...

[Groaning and straining]

I didn't mean it...

Do you hear me?

[Crying]

Please, mom!

Mom?

[Music warbles peacefully]

I know it's you.

[Strumming chords]

My mother loves it

When I play the violin.

Jessica, yes, yes...

[Playing violin]

[♪♪]

[Smashing and clattering]

[Hissing and roaring]

[Jessica continues to play]

[Snarling]

[Hissing]

[Bolt slides fast]

[Stammering in confusion]

[Gasps in fright]

Jessica?

Oh, mom, I love you.

The tiger mother

Has a dragon daughter.

[Laughs]

- What's wrong?
- What is it?

This room...

Has very good feng shui.

[Laughing]

[♪♪]