06x13 - Magma c*m Laude

[bunniefuu]

- Last time,
on Total Drama Island...

Our four remaining campers had
to navigate spooky
nightmare-filled caves

collecting gold coins.

Super BFFs Priya and Millie
worked as a team,

forcing Bowie and Julia
to do the same.

But Bowie made a secret deal
with Priya and Millie,

and at the marshmallow ceremony
they all voted for Julia.

Then Bowie doubled down
on the double crossing

by dropping Millie's book full
of hurtful words on Priya,

completely destroying their
friendship.

Oh yeah!
Bowie came to play!

So this is it. The final three.

Today, someone goes home
a millionaire!

But on the bright side,
two of them will have suffered
through all of this

for nothing.

And that will fill my heart
with joy.

So let's get to it.
Right here, right now...

on Total Drama Island!

♪ Hey what's up
I'm here to slay ♪

♪ Don't know why the rest
even bother to stay ♪

♪ I know the game
And I brought the skill ♪

♪ Crushing players' dreams
Yeah, you know the drill ♪

♪ I wanna be
I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

- Sorry, I didn't sleep
that much last night.

I don't know what to do.

I've tried to apologize
to Priya but...
[crying]

I think I've lost
my only friend.

- After all my training,

I am so mad at myself
for getting taken-in
by a fake friendship

with a two-faced,
book-writing liar!

- I love it when a plan
comes together.

Now before you get all "Bowie's
mean" on the message boards...

strategy's part of the game.

I told you on day one:
I came to snatch crowns.

- Challenge time, Campers.
[laughing]

Priya. Bowie. Millie.

Congratulations on making it
all the way to the finale.

- For the first challenge
of the day,

each of you must build a raft

then drag it along a path where
you will reach a small lake.

The last one to make it across
is eliminated.

- But the first two campers
on the other side

will compete in
our final final challenge

for one million dollars.

- Hold up. Are we supposed
to cut down trees
with our bare hands?

- I wasn't done explaining
the challenge.

I was pausing with concern;
everything okay in BFF town?

- There is no BFF town.

It burned to the ground
with everybody inside!

No survivors. Population zero.

How do we build our rafts?

- You will each use
an old-fashioned two-person saw
to cut the trees,

and use rope
to tie them together.

- How does one me use
a two-person saw?!

- Do we need to team up?
I'll work with Priya!

- I will never work with you.

I would rather eat a bees' nest,
give a rabid gorilla
a bubble bath,

or I would rather--
- Okay!

Firstly, Chef, write down
those ideas

as potential future challenges.

Secondly, all three of you
will need help,

so... we brought back
some of your old friends!

- What's up?
- Hi, Bowie!

- Woo! We're back, Rajie.

- This must be how the pros feel
when they retire and then come
back as commentators.

- One of these failures
will help each of you
construct your raft.

- Great, I pick Raj--
- No, no, no...

Your partner will be determined
by spinning this:

the wheel of losers!

- Dude, that is unnece-celery
harsh.

- Yeah. Why not call it
The Wheel of People
Who Tried Their Best?

- Or Who Accidentally
k*lled a Turtle.

- Or Who Never Even Got a Chance
Because the Others Found Them
Physically Intimidating?

- Aw! Poor gorgeous you.
[horn blaring]

- We're not changing the name.
It's called The Wheel of Losers.

- Priya, you get first spin.

Priya's helper is... Damien!

- Woo! Yes!

- Millie. You're up next.

- Your helper is... Ripper.

- Yeah!!! More Ripper screen
time for the lucky viewers!

[groaning]

- Good! She deserves to be
paired with that fart monster.

They both stink.

- Alright, Bowie, your helper
will be...

Axel. Yes!
That's--

- Julia!
- Oh....

Look at you two. Together again.

I hope Bowie double crossing
you last episode

doesn't hinder your desire
to be the best partner possible.

- It totally does.
- Great!

Grab your saws, teams!

Build a raft,
drag it to the lake,

get to the other side.
Ready!

Set!
[horn blaring]

- Let's do it!
- Yeah!

- Come on, Millie, let's go!

- Follow me!

- Hold up. If I help you win
the million, what's my cut?

I'm thinking 40%.
- You're kidding, right?

- Yes. I was kidding.
Let's make it 50/50.

- Chris?

- Probably should've agreed
to the 40.

- Argh! You're like a vulture
in too-short jean shorts.

Now come on!

[grunting in effort]

- Can we... Just give me... ow!

Priya, slow down!
Why are you...

- Are you even trying?!

- What's the point?
Priya will never forgive me.

- What does that have to
do with... are you crying?

There's no crying
on Total Drama Island.

Okay, how about this:

you secretly sabotage
Priya's raft,

and as it falls apart,
you let her jump to your raft

so she doesn't get eliminated.
Then she'll have to forgive you.

It'll be like,
"Oh no, my raft!

Now I'll never
win the million dollars!"

"Priya. I will save you.
Jump to my raft!"

Thank you, Millie;

now we can be best new friends
forever!

Yay!"

- Maybe it's cause I got
no sleep and I'm completely
desperate,

but Ripper's plan seems... good.

[grunting]
- Come on! Faster!

- This is hard.

Let's renegotiate the terms
of my agreement.

- Contract terminated!
I'll do this without you.

- Okay. Good luck.

[grunts]

No! Chris! I need another saw!

- Darn. There are no extras.

- Ah! Who travels
without their own saw?
What a weirdo.

- Well, I'm gonna take my end
of the saw and go sit down.

- You can't take... Julia!

This is going to take forever!

[grunts]

- That is a good-looking raft.

- Now I need some kinda
gondolier pole
to push myself across.

C'mon, help me find one!

- Okay, how do I do this?
- Here. Use these.

- Why do you have
toe nail clippers?

- Duh, for my nose hair!
Hurry!

- Eewww! These were up
your nose?

- Snip a few more. More! More!
They're coming back!

- You got this, Priya!
Go get that lake!
It's all you, baby!

- That's not much of a raft.

- It'll have to do.

I need to stay close to Priya
for this plan to work!

[grunting, shouting]

- Priya, as the first one here,

you're the first to hear
the exciting news!

The lake is made of lava!
Surprise!

[bird coughs]

[exclaiming]

- Okay, this just got so good.

- Lava? Lava?!

Have you completely flipped
your pancake?

- Chill out. You're not
even going on the raft.

Priya, your lead is evaporating.

Get moving.

- Millie, the lake is
actually...
- Lava?

Lava?!

- That's exactly what I said!

Ripper! Why did you make me cut
so many of her ropes?!

- Hey, don't blame me!
Most lakes I've seen are made
of water!

- Priya has a strong lead,

but Millie is pushing
with the desperation

of someone who's done something
unforgivable to a friend!

And somewhere, far,
far behind them both, is Bowie.

[grunting]

- C'mon, Bowie! Get in the game,
eh? You can still win this!

- Wait, Priya, wait up!

Your raft is--
- Can't hear you!

Too focused on kicking your butt
back home.

- Please... listen to me!

- Lava, of course it's lava...

- Oh, hi, Bowie. Nice... log.

I didn't realize you were still
playing.

- Shove it, Chris.

- Track and field, basketball,
wrestling.

I've won all the trophies.

And most importantly...

You do win "Little Miss/Mister
Fabulous Ultimate Grand
Supreme"

by throwing in the towel
just because Betsy McMasters
pulled out her fire batons.

And yes, this was in my pocket
the whole time.

- And, pretending he still
has a chance,

Bowie's log is in the lava.

- I will... not... lose!

- Whoa! My raft!

- Priya! Jump to my raft!
You're not gonna make it!

- I don't need your help!

Oooh!

- Priya, don't be silly!
You're gonna fall in.

- Then you can write a book
about how you faked
being someone's friend,

then watched them drown in lava!

- But you were supposed
to jump to my raft
when yours fell apart.

Then we could become besties
again because I saved you!

- Did Millie just...
[exclaims]

She sabotaged my raft!

You are going to pay for this!

- Chris said it was a lake,
he never mentioned lava!

Just jump to my raft, we'll get
to the other side together!

- Priya is gonna jump, right?

- Her raft is disintegrating.
She has no other choice.

- Nah. Pride means everything.
Take the lava.

- Lava, lava, lava...

- Oh, I'll jump to your raft
alright.

But only one of us is going
to make it to the other side!

- Aaah!
- I'm starting
to like this nerd!

- Priya. No. Please...

- With Priya and Millie
both moving backwards,

Bowie may not be
completely out of this.

- Yeah! Go, Bowie! Hoot hoot!

- Does anyone have any tape?
- Super tape.

So strong you could reattach
the wings of a plane with it.

- Not what I was using it for,
but thanks.

- I just wanna
be friends again!

- We will never... Uh-oh!

- Priya!
- Coming through!

- Oh phew. She's safe.

- No hitchhikers! Get off!

- Oh yeah? Make me!

[grunting]

- I can't watch...
tell me what happens!

No, wait... don't tell me! I
can't decide!

- Just keep your eyes closed,
bud, I gotcha.

[Priya inhales in fear]

- Ah. Ah. Ah! Ah!

- Bowie, if we work together,
we could eliminate Millie!

- Pretty sure I can handle
Millie on my own.

- Oh, I get it, you're scared
to go up against me one-on-one.

- Scared? Ha! Okay.
Let's do it your way:

Millie first, then you.

[Chris]: Priya and Bowie appear
to have teamed up,

but will it be enough
to catch Millie?

- Why are you working with him?
He's the one
who ruined our friendship!

- Ex-squeeze me?

I'm not the one who wrote
all those horrible things
about Priya!

- And my family!

- Yep. It's hard to argue with
that.

- This is gonna be a close one!

- There's the finish line!

Let's pole vault!
- Great idea!

- Bowie and Priya
win the challenge!

- Woohoo!
- Yes!

- Whoa! That was awesome!

- Rajie! He did it!

- Yes! I knew he'd... what
happened to all my popcorn?

- Awe. No one fell in the lava!

- Millie. You are eliminated.

Please join the other failures
on the failure benches.

- Ah, man! We've been sitting
on failure benches?

- Before I go, Priya,
just tell me...

did you read the last page
where I talk about
how much you mean to me?

About how horrible I felt
for writing all the other stuff?

- I read all of it. There was
nothing like that in there.

- Ah! You tore out the last
page, didn't you?

- Who me? Yeah, 100%.
It was so sweet.

I just couldn't risk
Priya forgiving you
before today's challenge.

Bye!
[Millie crying]

- I don't care what she wrote
on the last page. I don't.

And I won't ask her.
Because I don't care.

Fine. What did the last page
say?

- That I wrote awful things
about you and everyone else

because of my own insecurities.

I thought I was above
all of you but I'm not.

It was just easier to judge
everyone than try to fit in.

And that you're the only person
who's ever made me feel good
about myself.

Even if you can never
forgive me,

you're still the best friend
I ever had.

[sobbing]

- If that doesn't make it right,
nothing's gonna make it right.

- That was so beautiful.

- I forgive you! BFF's forever!

- Thank you!

- All this raw emotion...
It's just so...

boring!

Millie, please, go join the
other losers.

Priya. Bowie.

I never imagined saying this
to the two of you:

Congratulations on making it
to the final challenge.

Heh. Came up with this one
on my own.

On foot, you will race all
the way up this mountain.

At the top you'll find
two turbo orbs.

You must get inside your orb
and race back down the mountain.

The first one to cross the
finish line hopefully alive

wins one million dollars!

- Wait! Make them each
take two goats!

It'll be hilarious;
the only thing that listens
less than a teenager is a goat!

- Chef's bringing his A-game
today! Nice!

You must arrive at the top
with both your goats unharmed!

Ready. Set.

[g*nsh*t]
Go!

- Woohoo! Ah!

- What good goats you are!
Bye, Priya...

[groaning]

- Goats? Goats!

- Hey! We need to keep moving.

Are you being serious
right now?

Because there is a lot
of money on the line!
So... come on!

[crashing[

[bleating]
- There you are!

You don't happen to know
where your friend is, do you?
[bleating]

Okay, let's try to find her.

- Listen, I've eaten goat before
and I'll do it again!

[bleating]

- Hey! Where'd he... Ah!

Oh, come on, where is...
[bleating]

- I'm going on an all-goat diet!

Goat curry. Goat stew.

Goat tacos! Goat cereals.
Goat pudding. Nothing but
goat. All goat!

- Stay here!

Gotcha! Wait...

where did the other one go?
[bleating]

[goats' bells ringing]

- Thank you Bowie, and
you're the first to arrive.

Took you long enough!

Now it's time to get into an orb
and race back--
- Wait! Wait!

First make them each
milk a mommy goat and drink
a bucket of warm goat milk!

- Okay, I have no idea
what you did with the old Chef

but never ever find him.
You heard the man.

Squeeze yourself a bucket.

- I was thirsty anyway.

[bleating]

- Milk the goat faster, bro!
Come on!

- Welcome Priya. Your next task:

fill this--
- Got it!

It's a milk-off.

- As part of my training,

my parents left me alone
in the woods for a month

with no food. I found a yak
and learned to milk it.

- Bowie's done!

He's getting into the orb
and he's launched himself off
a cliff

and oh... I am so glad
I'm not him right now.

[loud gulps]

[loud burp]

- Priya is good to go!

[loud scream]

- It all comes down to this!
A race straight down
the mountain.

Who will it be?
[both shouting]

- They should've filled the
ba*ls with snakes.

- Bowie! The winner
should be a guy.
- What?

[zipper sound]
- Don't care. Here to poop.

[shouting]

- This challenge is definitely
going to be my villain
origin story.

- Ew! Bowie pukes
in his turbo orb.

- I'm very good at not barfing.

Unless I see someone else barf.

- Now Priya has barfed.

Wow! They are literally rolling
down a mountain in barf ba*ls.

- This is awesome!

See! That milk stuff is bad
for you!

- Here they come. I have no idea
who's in which ball
but get ready to stop 'em.

- Releasing the porcupines.

- And the winner of this season
of Total Drama Island

and the 1-million-dollar prize
is...

[suspenseful music]

Priya!

[cheering]

[disappointed exclamations]

- Yes! Mom, Dad, I did it!

I... I won!

- No, no, no.
Aw... puke hug...

Priya, you survived cabbages
and catapults,

raptors and raccoons,

and now...
you are a millionaire!

Come and claim...
the final marshmallow.

- Thank you! Woohoo!

- I hope you all had fun
because you're all invited back
for a rematch next season.

[all exclaiming surprisingly]

- Yes!
- Now let's party!
[beep!]

[uptempo music]

- So another season
comes to an end.

And I know what
I'll miss the most:

the funny sounds they made
when they got hurt.

But we get to do it all again
next season on...

Total... Drama... Island!