03x24 - Bad Egg

[bunniefuu]

the following program is rated tvpg some

scenes may be too scary for children

under seven we suggest watching together

as a family

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the latest match so some interesting

operations they've almost completely

lost their ostrich characteristics

they're uh far more aggressive than we'd

hoped I smell dollar signs just one

thing though um 82382 but it's missing I

must have got misfired with the with the

Duds from yesterday uh we wouldn't want

the Pentagon to think that we'd

accidentally destroyed one of their

genetically mutated weapons

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the Deads aren't here

what do you mean the dead side here

Gibbs

what have you done I uh donated them to

the junior high school

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foreign

thank you to Katie's dad for donating

these ostrich eggs for our assignment

From This Moment forward

we will not refer to them as eggs

they are your children

the purpose of our assignment is to

learn good parenting skills

if you damage your child

you get an F

what happens if I put it on a swing it

falls off and cracks its head don't put

it on a swing kids love swings not these

kids what if what I'm teaching you how

to ride a bike it falls off look just

don't break the egg okay

you called it an egg my child is very

offended Mrs topic

stop messing around Jason you can afford

another F understand

hey look my kid knows how to break dance

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laughs

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make sure your parents know about your

project and I'll see you Monday

with all your eggs in one piece

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oh

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my God

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oh my God we're coming I'm crying there

you are don't you dare run

school called

are you aware that you're failing three

classes only three

it's an improvement

it's funny

huh you want to be a loser your whole

life

I told you if you didn't Shape Up you'd

be headed for military school now I want

to send your butt there tonight

but your mother is willing to give you

one final chance but this is it son one

more F and we're done and I assure you

that Military Academy they will not put

up with your foolishness you'll be on

your own

do you have any homework this weekend

meet your grandson

that egg is your homework

I'm calling him Timmy he's not a very

good listener and he's kind of ugly but

he's family

you have to like keep it alive for

whatever well we'll be checking on that

then making sure you're not messing it

up

now go feed Corporal

let's go

come on corporal

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I give you food and this is how you show

you're grateful

watch oh you turn the corner there's

always going to be Five Guys

to bridge with the ladies how's your egg

doing it's an egg mama just sits there

although I'm sure Dad would even say I'm

not doing that right your father just

wants you to succeed Jason that's why

he's so tough on you

be good

I found this in dad's dad just shocked

me I'm in the zone

with the brochure for the Fort Union

Military Academy

sounds boring sounds horrible they can

show everything you do when you eat when

you sleep there's no TV there's no video

games and whenever you do something

wrong they make you march for like hours

you are dead you made me die

watch

Timmy loves this

you're gonna drop it

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that wasn't funny then I'd rather

practice my marching

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oh crud

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or Union here you come

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where's your egg

in bed

I put it down for a nap why do you look

so guilty

I always look like this

I'm going to be up there to inspect that

egg why

because I said so

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thank you

foreign

no there's nothing really in these eggs

they weren't fertilized how do you know

that because he wouldn't give us eggs

with real ostriches in them

here help me put it back together okay

well wait want to be lighter now

give me those socks hurry

help me pull it back together

ew it's slimy

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let's see that egg

it's just a little cold

what'd you do to it it smells like old

feet that is not a nice thing to say

about your grandson great now he's

crying looks like you haven't screwed

this up

yet

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this is the 10th kid we've checked if we

don't find egg 2382 before someone gets

hurt I'm not the one who gave a

biologically engineered weapon to my

kids

[Applause]

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I thought you said that those eggs

weren't fertilized now you're telling me

that there's an ostrich walking in our

house except ostriches don't have teeth

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so what did that

oh no maybe some kind of

cute

foreign

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what if it's a new species I probably

saw it for a fortune maybe we could get

on the local news we'll be famous

mom and dad won't be able to send their

rich and famous son to military school

stay here oh wait where are you going to

get Fluffy's old cat carrier

watch don't let it get away

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what happened here

I don't know looks like we've got

possums again go check the backyard for

Corporal I'll call Pest Control

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where's the cat carrier I couldn't get

it Dad came into the garage he's calling

pest control so we've seen it no he

thinks it's a possum but he's wrong I

think it ate Corporal what

we have to catch it

we're gonna do

I'm gonna flush it toward you

you're gonna jump on it with the pillow

trap it

ready

no

I said it wasn't ready bingo

here Timmy Timmy

come with me and we'll make millions

we'll be famous

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I almost had him he panicked you are the

worst monster hunter ever

he's behind the dryer

oh

foreign

give me that

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that thing is epically

ugly

why is it shaking like that

it's afraid

poor old guy don't worry little guy

careful I'm not gonna hurt you careful

careful I'm telling you it's afraid

oops sorry little guy

it's okay

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are we gonna call the local news now so

we can become rich and famous no way

they'll take him

that's okay

I'll take care of you now

ah Timmy

where are you boy

corporal here boy

pest control that was fast I just called

you we take pride in our jobs we're

gonna need to take a look around sir hey

uh do you see a dog out there

hello

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I'm from Pest Control you had any

unusual animal encounters

you mean the possum I mean anything you

need to report

the possum is in our garage last time I

checked this is the hallway

crazy I know now are we done here no

um thanks but I don't need help holding

laundry we have reason to believe you're

harboring a dangerous animal

underwear I'm harboring underwear

we'll find what we're looking for

that guy's freaky who was he I don't

know but he is not from Pest Control

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so you're really gonna keep him even

though he's like a monster hey he may be

a monster but he's my monster

excuse me boys we have to check every

room

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you think a possum did this it's a new

species of possum far more dangerous

than that than a normal possum great new

species just my luck

I found something uh

that uh

that thing we were afraid of

it's here

definitive proof

Mr Berkeley

I recommend that you evacuate your house

immediately I can't empty this house on

a moment's notice fine we'll be back at

dawn

if I find out this infestation is your

fault I am more responsible than you

think oh yeah

what about that age you're supposed to

be taken care of aren't you supposed to

keep that dumb thing with you at all

times he's not dumb he's not a failure

he's not bonehead either all he wants is

love and the fact that you can't see

that

makes you the dumb one you want your

tongue young man

you've seen corporal

no

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what are we gonna do when those pest

guys come back I don't know

but they do know about Timmy

so we'll just take him with us right to

me

Timmy

Corporal you in here boy

where's my little soldier

corporal

are you hiding on me

come here boy come on Corporal come here

Timmy

hey no you can't k*ll my dad

I know you didn't like it when he yells

at me I don't either but we never ever

hurt people

um a paint cancel on your head you need

to stack things more neatly dad

what now I was having such a fun time

with the ladies and then your father

calls and says corporal's missing and we

have some infestation a pain can't fall

on Dad's head I'm fine I'm fine I just

need some ice all right taking you to

the hospital concussions are no laughing

matter oh you watch your brother while

we're gone

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thank you

Timmy jump

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the fast guys are back and nevertheless

they want Timmy open up what do I do

don't let them in open the door kids go

around back don't pass

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to you

foreign

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no idea what you've done come on we can

still catch it before anyone else finds

out let's go

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okay

I don't know

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honey we're back well this is a surprise

you're doing what you're supposed to let

me see it

I said let me see it Jason now

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you broke it and then you tried to fake

it because you're right

I'm irresponsible but I thought you said

you were taking such good care of it no

I broke the egg

instead

I'll give it back

why is there a sock in it don't question

my parenting skills you know what this

means right means I'm going to military

school start packing maybe we should

give him one more chance no no the kid

won't learn what it means to cherish the

things he loves until he feels what it's

like to lose them

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I kind of missed some

do you miss him

yeah

I can't believe that they're actually

sending you to military school they'll

be all alone so we'll just have to find

someone else to pick on

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Jimmy you came back

I won't let anyone find you hope you

like marching Timmy because I have a

feeling we're gonna get in a lot of

trouble together