02x07 - Binky Gets Cancelled!/U.S. Acres: Show Stoppers/Cutie and the Beast

[bunniefuu]

- No,

- No, mom.

Nothing's going on around here.

Everything is normal.

- Ta-da.

- We need more fruit.

- Real normal.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Garfield and friends.

- Friends are there

- To help you get started,

To give you a push on your way

- Friends are there

- To turn you around,

Get your feet on the ground

For a brand new day

- They'll pick you up

When you're down

- Help you swallow your pride

When something inside says

To break on through

To the other side.

- Friends are someone

You can open up to

- When you feel like

You're ready to flip

- When you've got the world

On your shoulders

- Friends are there

To give you a tip

- Friends are there

When you need them,

They're even there

When you don't

- For a walk in the park or

A shot in the dark,

Friends are there

- I don't care

- But friends will care

For you

- Hey, you chewing the gum,

I hope you brought

Enough for everybody.

[ Slurps ]

- Hi, I'm just relaxing

After a hard day's nap.

I gotta tell you about

What happened to binky.

Remember binky?

Sure you do.

Binky, that clown who's on t.v.

Who's always saying hey kids!

Right, that binky.

Well, let me tell you

What happened.

Queue the flashback!

Three weeks ago binky

Was the most popular kid's

Show host on t.v.

- If you think of

Calling it quits,

Get some seltzer

And give them a spritz!

You can be the life of

The g*ng, drench your friend

In lemon meringue.

[ Cackles ]

- Binky was a big t.v. Star

Until one day.

- All right, miss sondheim,

Send in the clown.

- Hey, boss.

- Binky, you've been

With the station

A long time and well,

Your ratings are down

And we've decided

To cancel you.

I'm afraid you're through.

- I'm fired?

[ Sobs ]

- They told him to take his

Rubber nose and his size


[ Wails ]

- Binky was upset because,

Well, he knew there weren't

A lot of jobs around

For clowns.

He even thought of

Getting into politics but,

Of course, there are too many

Clowns in washington already.

Binky's fans were stunned,

Both of us.

- The binky the clown show

Will never be seen again

So that we may bring you

An intellectual t.v. Program,

Bowling for meatloaf.

- Gee, no more binky?

What'll I do without

A clown in my life?

[ Crash ]

- Oh, that's right.

I have jon.

- I tripped on that

Loose floorboard.

This whole house is

Falling apart.

I'm going to hire a handyman.

I'm getting rid of everything

Around here that doesn't work.

- I am not leaving.

- I hired a handyman

Through an agency.

Let him in when he gets here.

I told them to have him fix

Everything that needs fixing.

- Let's see, while jon's out

Should I do tons

Of grueling yard work

Or should I nap

And eat a lot?

Guess what?

- Hey, cat, aren't you

Thrilled to see me?

- No.

- I'm the handyman

Who's gonna fix up your house!

- Note the worried

Look on the cat's face.

[ Banging ]

[ Crash ]

- I tried to sleep and

When I can't sleep you know

How loud he must be.

I was just dozing off.

- Hey, cat!

I'm finished!

- Finished was right.

The whole house had been

Decorated in clown provincial.

He fixed jon's potted plants.

[ Laughs ]

- He'd even committed

The ultimate crime,

Tampering with

The refrigerator.

[ Laughs ]

- No, don't touch

The dishwasher!

I rewired it

And it's acting strange!

- Like everything else here

Is normal, right?

Jon arrived home about then.

He'd forgotten his keys

So he rang the bell.

[ Circus music ]

- Jon took it rather well,

I thought.

- You-you-you-you clown you!

When I get my hands on you!

- Binky! Yo, binky.

I found you at last.

Binky, bowling for meatloaf

Is a b*mb.

It's too sophisticated

For our audience.

You're rehired!

- I got my show back!

[ Smooch ]

- The t.v. Station agreed

To pay for a real handyman

To put our house back

The way it was.

- Excuse me, I have to go

Start the dishwasher.

- It looked like we had

A happy ending possibly

Until we realized...

[ expl*si*n ]

- Start the dishwasher!

- And that's what happened

This morning.

[ Slurps ]

- How's it going, binky?

- Just a few thousand

Tons more of suds!

[ Slurps ]

- Hey, every house can use

A bath once in a while, right?

- Oh, give me a home...

[ Crash ]

- Where the buffalo roam...

Where the deer

And the antelope play.

Row, row, row your boat...

[ Sighs ]

- But seriously,

Ladies and germs,

It's great here on

The farm expect one day

I was milking a cow

When a tornado came by.

The cow flew away and

Left me holding the bag!

[ Cymbal crash ]

- It was an udder disaster!

[ Cymbal crash ]

- And now I'd like to do

A little dance for you.

- Oh, don't.

My earthquake insurance

Isn't paid up.

[ Giggles ]

- I am not fat.

I have the body of

A superb athlete!

- Well, give it back!

You're getting it

All stretched out of shape!

[ Giggles ]

Oh, this is good.

- Roy, aren't you supposed

To be selling tickets

At the door?

- What? And miss my chance

To heckle you, pig nose?

I'm on a roll.

- Well, in that case,

I won't dance.

[ Applause ]

[ Growls ]

- Our next act is

The song styling's

Of those barnyard bookends,

Booker and sheldon.

- I'm booker

- I'm sheldon

- And here's our hat and cane

- We love to sing and dance

For you we love to entertain

- That's sheldon my brother

He lives inside an egg

He doesn't have

A hand to shake

But he can shake a leg

- That's booker my partner

He's the joking sort

You won't have to wait

To laugh, like him

The jokes are short

[ Giggles ]

- Hey, sheldon, what do you get

When you cross

A lasagna loving cat

With a bunch of

Zany farm animals?

- You get picked up

For another season.

[ Cymbal crash ]

- Hey, booker?

What has six eyes, green skin,

A trunk and dances a ballet?

One of these.

[ Cymbal crash ]

- But you can't back out now.

- Oh, contrary, I am not

Setting one webbed foot on

That stage and neither is fido.

- You can't have stage fright.

- Oh, I can't? Ah!

There is a stage and of it

I am frightened.

Ergo, stage fright.

Fido and I will not appear.

- But wade,

That's the coward's way out.

- Wrong again, orson.

This is the coward's way out.

Bye!

- Well, there goes

The animal act.

How could things get any worse?

- I'm booker

- I'm sheldon

- We love to joke and clown

- But it's obvious to us

It's time to catch

The first bus out of town

[ Applause ]

- Here's an empty seat.

- Gee, this here theater's

Much too crowded.

I wish we had more room.

- That's a might roomier.

- Come on, wade,

The show must go on!

- No, it mustn't,

Not with fido and me.

People might mock us!

[ Whimpers ]

- Orson! They're out front.

- There is no one out

Front to be scared of.

- It's your brothers.

- My brothers?

- This is different!

This is family!

I can't go out there

With them here!

- We want jokes!

We want jokes!

We want jokes!

We want jokes!

- Don't send me out there.

- You have to!

- We want jokes!

We want jokes!

We want jokes!

- And now on with the show.

- It better be funny!

- Yeah, make us laugh!

- I want lots of guffaws

And howls and some buffo yuks.

- Well, there were

These two horses

Or were they ducks?

No, I remember they were horses

And they were looking

At the klopman diamond.

And then this sailor

From portugal comes up

And--or was he

A vacuum cleaner salesman

From fargo?

- Oh, what's happening?

- Orson's trapped in

A joke with no way out!

- Why don't you go out

And do your animal act?

- Fido and I are not

Performing and that is it.

- Where did the three mountain

Climbers play the bagpipes?

- That's a rotten joke.

- Besides, we heard it!

- Only it was

Two drill sergeants

And a canoe instead.

[ Cymbal crash ]

- How's it going?

- Well, either he is bombing

Or he's doing a great impression

Of a salad bar.

- Well, I'm going some

Place with a better view.

Maybe switzerland.

- You are a chicken, chicken.

Ha! Look who's talking!

I, the most craven of

The craven, here I stand

As my close, personal friend,

Orson, is in jeopardy.

Could I find the courage

To come to his aid?

Of course not.

Yes, I can.

- You know what this act needs?

[ Snorts ]

- Thousand island dressing?

- Nope, I will not allow

This one second more.

You are bullies!

You are nasty swines, you are!

I will tell you weren't fit

To eat with pigs except,

Of course, that you are pigs

But if you mess

With my pal orson,

You will answer to me!

[ Laughs ]

- Oh, that's the funniest thing

I ever heard!

- Wade, you are a true hero

And to think you were afraid

To do your act with fido.

- Ironic, is it not?

[ Laughing continues ]

- Wait a minute.

He said not nice things

About us.

- Yeah, that's right.

He did say that.

[ Screams ]

[ Laughing ]

- Quick, in here with fido.

- Who's that?

- That's fido.

[ Moos ]

[ Screaming ]

- Wade, you're a hero!

- You got rid of them!

- Yeah, in spite of who

And what you are.

- Yes, because from now on

At least until next week's show

I am a brave,

Mallard type person.

[ Cymbal crash ]

- Yike!

- Oh, well, that's showbiz!

[ Ticking ]

[ Snoring ]

[ Alarm rings ]

[ Yawns ]

- Well, time for my exercise.

One.

[ Pants ]

Maybe next year

I'll do another one.

- Hey, garfield!

- Nermal, what a thrill.

Yipes!

Visit us again soon, like,

Day after never.

- Oh, you're just jealous,

Garfield, because I'm so cute

And you're so not.

- You're not so cute.

- I am so cute.

Watch this!

[ Tires screech ]

- Oh, jim, look at

That adorable kitten!

- Carolyn, that is

The cutest kitten

I've ever seen.

- Well, it's time

For my cutie nap.

- You mean beauty nap.

- Nope, cutie nap.

[ Yawns ]

- Odie, I'm thinking

Of something to do to nermal

But it's way too rotten.

[ Pants ]

- I'll go nap

In my bed instead.

Guess I'm gonna do it, huh?

[ Whimpers ]

- Oh, nermal?

Time to wake up.

[ Yawns ]

- Gee, nermal, why don't you

Step outside again

And let even more people

See your unparalleled cuteness?

- Maybe I will.

You're just a sucker

For punishment, garfield.

[ Hums ]

[ Tires screech ]

- Look, jim, have you ever seen

Such an un-cute kitten

In all your life?

- Oh, they don't come

Less-cute than that one!

Eww!

- I peaked, my cute is gone.

I was in the springtime

Of my life.

How did winter come so quickly?

Let me look in the mirror

And see how un-cute I now am.

- You have a whisker

Out of place, non-cute one.

Let me fix it.

You need all the help

You can get.

- Gee, I think I'm cute

But who am I to go

Against popular opinion?

I'm not fit to be around people.

I shall find some place where

Folks tolerate un-cute kittens.

Bye.

[ Snickers ]

[ Growls ]

- He deserved it!

[ Hums ]

[ Growls ]

[ Snores ]

[ Growls ]

- I used to be so cute

But those days are gone.

- Hey, look at the cute kitten.

- Oh, that's nice of you to say

But I know I'm not cute.

- Well, suit yourself.

Well, you look hungry.

- Yes, when do

The humans feed us?

- Oh, well, you have been

A housecat all your life,

Haven't you?

Here's how we get fed.

- Oh, a hungry cat.

Just a minute.

Here you go, hungry cat.

Eat up.

- Very impressive.

[ Munches ]

- Yeah, so now

You're out here with us, cat.

Have some.

- That's very generous of you.

- Hey, this stuff is awful!

Now I feel like some

After dinner games.

- Oh, I love games.

How about checkers or gin rummy

Or mahjong or something?

- My favorite game

Is pound the kitten!

- Pound the kitten?

I never heard

Of pound the kitten.

How do you play

Pound the kitten?

- Well, first you find

A kitten then you pound it.

- Oh, oh.

- Leave us be anywhere else

But here, kitten.

- I owe it to odie

To do my best to find nermal,

To conduct an exhaustive search.

Oh, nermal?

Well, no sign of him.

Guess I can give up and go home.

Hey, he went through

A boulevard stop

And did one of those creatures

Resemble nermal?

Yeah, I was afraid so.

I guess that means

I have to save him.

[ Pants ]

- He wouldn't really pound

The kitten, would he?

- You don't wanna know

The answer to that.

We're trapped!

- Hey, no way outta there.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Now, round one of

Pound the kitten.

Huh?

- I'm sorry, this is a

No-pounding kittens area.

Folks are trying to eat.

- You're not eating.

- No, but I'm about to.

There's a gourmet feast

Over on that side

Of the fence, hams and yams

And jams and even foods

That don't rhyme.

Pound the kitten but don't

Spoil my meal, okay?

Bye.

- Oh, no you don't.

Any feast around here

I'm gonna feast on.

I ain't had a good feast

In years.

Hey, I don't see no feast here.

- Oh, my.

What does this sign say?

It says city dog pound.

[ Laughs ]

What a silly mistake

On my part.

[ Barking ]

- Hey, boys, down.

Help!

Let me outta here!

Help!

You'll hear from my lawyer!

Help!

- Write if you get work!

- Garfield, you saved me and

So did my new friend here.

- Thanks, I think.

- Look, you want to thank me,

Help me get a good meal.

I'm famished!

- Good meal?

That's a cinch!

- What is it now?

Oh, it's a kitten.

The cutest kitten in the world.

Here's roast beef for you,

Cute kitten

And a ham and mashed potatoes

And chow mein

And couple of pizzas

And bean soup.

- Garfield, I got my cute back.

I'm adorable again!

- Yeah.

Hey, don't tell anyone

I did something nice, okay?

I've got an image to maintain.

[ Music ]