02x10 - Polecat Flats/U.S. Acres: Hogcules/Brain Boy

[bunniefuu]

- What's

- What's this?

Why, thank you, garfield.

Mmm, delicious. What is it?

Dog food? Ooh, quick!

Give me something to drink!

Tabasco sauce! Quick!

Give me something to drink!

- Goldfish water!

Quick! Give me an antidote!

Dog food again!

Quick! Get me a drink!

- This could go on for days.

- More tabasco!

I'm burning up! Quick!

Get me something to drink!

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Garfield and friends.

- 媻 friends are there... 媻

- ™ª to help you get started ♪

™ª to give you a push ♪

™ª on your way ♪

- 媻 friends are there... 媻

- ™ª to turn you around ♪

™ª get your feet on the ground ♪

™ª for a brand new day ♪

- ™ª they'll pick you up ♪

™ª when you're down ♪

- ™ª help you swallow ♪

™ª your pride ♪

™ª when something inside ♪

™ª syas to break on through ♪

™ª to the other side ♪

- ™ª friends are someone ♪

™ª you can open up to ♪

- ™ª when you feel like ♪

™ª you're ready to flip ♪

- ™ª when you've got the world ♪

™ª on your shoulder ♪

™ª friends are there ♪

™ª to give you a tip ♪

- ™ª friends are there ♪

™ª when you need them ♪

™ª they're even there ♪

™ª when you don't ♪

- ™ª for a walk in the park ♪

™ª or a shot in the dark ♪

™ª friends are there ♪

- ™ª I don't care ♪

- ™ª but friends will care ♪

™ª for you ♪

- Eat and be lazy, kids,

And someday you'll have

Your own show, too.

- Here it is, garfield,

The polecat flats dude ranch.

- We coulda gone to rome,

Acapulco, maui.

Where does jon take us?

Why, the middle of nowhere.

- This is a real working

Ranch.

We'll get to experience

What it's like to live

A simple, clean life out here

Where men are men.

- Translation, jon is paying

Them major bucks for the

Privilege of being a ranch hand

So that he can meet women.

And incidentally,

What's a polecat?

- Well, howdy ma'am.

I was just wondering--

Oh!

[ Barking ]

- This is what happens

When you put a 10 gallon hat

On a five gallon head.

[ Crows ]

- Time to get up!

You can't do a decent day's

Work if you're gonna sleep

Till noon.

- It's still dark outside.

- Wild horses

Couldn't get me up.

- Get up, you good for nothing

Saddle bums.

Get your britches

Over to the cookhouse

For breakfast or we'll feed it

To the coyotes. Breakfast!

- Breakfast? Don't just lay

There, you good for nothing

Saddle bum!

You heard the man!

- I doubt they serve animals

In the cookhouse, garfield.

I'll bring you back

Some breakfast.

- No animals, indeed.

- Thank you kindly, ma'am.

- Garfield.

Uh, this is the ranch foreman,

Cactus jake.

Jake, this is...uh...

A friend of mine.

- Your friend don't say much,

Does he?

- Yes. He's the strong

Silent type.

He just does what he--

- I think I'll take a little

Stroll before lunch.

Danger. Keep out.

Untamable outlaw bronco.

This is the orneriest horse

In polecat flats.

What's a polecat?

- You can't get me.

Nah nah nah nah nah-nah.

No excitement here.

I think I'll go see

What jon's doing.

- This is a horse.

This is the front

And this is the back.

Don't get 'em confused.

- Well, I'll say, you're

A couple of mighty cute

Little fillies.

[ Both laugh ]

- Now, we've got some calves

To separate from this herd,

And I think we'll have

The best dressed dude

Show us how it's done.

- Wait! Wait! I didn't come

Here to polecat flats for this.

- What is a polecat?

Don't any of you know?

- Nice cows. Easy cows.

That's--that's a good cow.

This isn't so hard.

Get along there, little doggie.

Whoa! Stop!

Cease! Desist!

[ All laugh ]

- Mommy!

[ Splat ]

- Aw, you went and got your

Fancy duds all soiled.

What a shame.

- Easy there, duke.

- I am so tired.

Cactus jake said we have

To whitewash the corrals.

I need a little sleep.

[ Snoring ]

- Poor jon. Cactus jake is

Really giving him a bad time.

Guess you belong

Over at the corral.

It's my good deed for the year.

Maybe jake's horse would like

Some company for lunch.

Pasture for two, please.

[ Whinnies ]

- [ Sniffs ]

What's that strange smell?

This is the whitewash

For the corral.

Hmm, I think cactus jake

Deserves a taste

Of his own medicine.

- Now, there ain't nothing

Complicated about whitewashing

A corral.

There's paintbrushes here.

After you finish,

Muck out the dairy barn.

Whoa you ornery coyote!

What's the matter with you?

Hold it! Oh!

[ All laugh ]

- Hey, that ain't my horse.

Who went and painted him white

Like that?

- Garfield?

[ Sniffs ]

What's that smell?

Look out!

[ Screaming ]

- You know, maybe this wasn't

The brightest idea I ever had.

[ Sniffs ]

- I can explain everything.

- No. The joke's on me,

Ain't it?

Didn't think you had it

In you.

- Neither did i.

- Whew! I smell polecat.

- What is a polecat?

- Polecat's another word

For skunk, you know.

- Well, that answers

My question.

- We better be getting home,

Garfield, but first we

Have to make a slight change.

You know, garfield, I sure had

A good time on this vacation!

Anything you need back there?

- Could we stop somewhere

For a case or two

Of roll-on deodorant?

- It's morning.

Time to blast

The farm animals awake.

- [ Snoring ]

- My, don't they look peaceful?

[ Plays bugle ]

- Gosh I love this job.

- Morning, wade.

That sure was some wind storm

We had last night.

- I'll say. This whole shed

Almost blew down.

- I'm gonna go read

To the chicks.

I think they'll like

This book of ancient greek

And roman myths.

- How utterly edumacational.

- Well, I better not keep 'em

Waiting. See you later.

- Orson, do you think the shed

Is safe?

I guess that answers

My question.

- So hercules, the strongest

Man in the world, set off for

The swamp to battle

The dreaded hydra.

- What's a hydra?

- I think firemen hook their

Hoses to it to pump water.

- It's a giant snake monster

With nine heads.

- That's pretty hard

To believe, orson.

- I thought you said

These stories were true.

- No, I said they were myths.

A myth is a story

From ancient history.

Some parts might be true,

But mostly a myth was a way

Of explaining the unexplainable.

- Speaking of unexplainable.

- Hey, orson, you reading

Another one of your silly books?

- This book teaches heroism

And courage.

- Well, you're gonna need some.

I just saw your brothers

Coming up the road.

- Oh, no, not my brothers.

Again?

- It's too bad you're not

As strong as hercules.

- Yeah, then nobody

Could push you around.

- I wish I were like hercules.

Then my brothers wouldn't treat

Me like a runt.

Boy, that would be great.

[ Trumpets play fanfare ]

- Hooray for hogcules! Hooray!

[ Cheering ]

Hogcules is our hero! Yay!

- ™ª hogcules our hero ♪

™ª he's the strongest ♪

™ª and the best ♪

™ª he eats bad guys ♪

™ª for breakfast ♪

™ª he grows hairs on his chest ♪

™ª he fights for what is right ♪

™ª his conscience ♪

™ª points the way ♪

™ª he never lifts a finger ♪

™ª except to save the day ♪

™ª he can always be counted on ♪

™ª he never takes a fall ♪

™ª if you don't believe me ♪

媻 just follow the
bouncing ball ♪

™ª no one can defeat ♪

™ª this wondrous pig of steel ♪

™ª it's hard to believe ♪

媻 this muscle
bound pig is real ♪

™ª they just can't stop him ♪

Or can they?

媻 look, he's back
with a smile. 媻

™ª a victory on his face ♪

™ª putting bad guys ♪

™ª in their place ♪

™ª hogcules ♪

[ Cheering ]

- Chains cannot hold hogcules!

[ Trumpet plays ]

- Orson? Hey, orson! Orson!

- Huh? Where?

- Your brothers are here.

Where would you like

Your mail forwarded?

- I needn't run

From the likes of them.

I shall face them in combat.

- Too bad.

I always liked orson.

[ Laughing ]

- There's the runt!

- You guys leave quietly

And I won't have to use

My brute strength!

[ All laugh ]

- What's orson up to?

- Gort, wart, and mort

Will pulverize him.

- Run, orson!

- And keep out of the shed!

I haven't finished

Rebuilding it yet.

[ All laugh ]

- I'm warning you.

If I get mad, I'm just liable

To do something like this!

- I warned him it wasn't safe.

- Our brother did that?

- He has gotten stronger.

- Nice seeing you, orson,

But we gotta go now.

- So long, orson.

No hard feelings, okay?

- [ Laughs ] know what?

You don't need big muscles

If you have a big brain.

- Of course, there are times

When big muscles come in handy.

- You're both so quiet, guys.

Usually when we go someplace,

Odie is yapping

And hanging his tongue

Out the window and slurping,

And you're getting mad,

Garfield.

- We're going to visit

Jon's cousin al.

Almost as exciting

As watching paint dry.

- How did you guys learn

To behave?

- [ Gulp ]

- [ Mumbling ]

- Calm down.

It's only another 300 miles.

- Nice to see you again,

Cousin.

- Well, thanks

For inviting us, al.

- You remember my son roscoe.

Roscoe, say hello to cousin jon.

- A pleasure to see you again,

Sir.

- Isn't he polite? Roscoe's

Just the best behaved kid

In the world.

Roscoe, why don't you

Play with the kitty and doggie

While I show jon some slides

Of my vacation.

- Vacation slides?

Oh, gee, you don't--

- I just got in 16 rolls I shot

At the cheese dip festival

In dubuque.

- How exciting.

- Kitty, would you like

To see my lab?

- No.

- Good. Come with me.

I got an "a" in advanced

Thermo nuclear physics.

I can dissect proton particles.

- I know how to make toast.

- This is my lab. Like it?

- Depends. What's

The possibility of getting

A chocolate malted?

- I've been inventing since

I was five, when I built the

First solar-powered skateboard.

Here. I want to show you

My latest invention.

It's a completely transistorized

Full function cybernetic robot.

I'll program it

To pet kitty.

- There. There's your kitty.

Pet him. Quick! Slurp him.

Maybe he'll rust.

- Uh-uh.

[ Buzzing ]

- [ Laughs ]

Okay. Okay. That's enough.

- I'm gonna go find

Some conditioner.

[ Laughs ]

- I must do something about

These split ends.

Hey!

- [Laughs ]

- Help! Assistance!

Mayday! Medic!

Do you read me?

Help would be needed

About now!

Anybody?

- Okay. Now, here's marge

Waving.

Here's marge waving

With the other hand.

Here's more of marge waving.

- This is fascinating.

- Animals! Anything!

I did come to a complete stop,

Officer.

- The kitty tried to steal

My robot.

Bad kitty! Bad!

- You got a kid like this in

Your neighborhood and you hate

Him, too. Admit it.

- Garfield, how could you?

- It's all right, roscoe.

Daddy will buy you more parts

For your robot.

- [ Crying ] thank you, daddy.

- Now you go in and play

Nicely with roscoe.

No excuses. You're a guest.

- He won't let me get a

Word in edgewise.

Of course, if I could talk,

It would be easier.

[ Alarm ]

- Trying to steal my candy,

Kitty?

Oh, yes, you were.

But I'm not mad.

In fact, I'm gonna

Give you a nice ride.

Where would you like to go?

- Depends. Where are you not?

- Maybe you would like

To go to mars.

- My doctor told me

Not to travel,

Especially off this planet.

[ Growling and barking ]

- Good boy, odie. Get him!

- [ Laughs ]

Ready for countdown.

- And this would be marge

Waving to the north.

Now here's

A real change of pace.

Marge waving with both hands.

- This is exciting, al.

- If you think that's

Exciting, the next batch

Is marge waving in 3-d.

Put on these glasses.

- 3, 2, 1! Ignition!

- Here's a fireworks display

We saw.

- Hey, that looks realistic.

Garfield! That's it, garfield!

If you can't play nicely,

I'm taking you home!

- I'll give you everything

I own if you do.

- Now before we go, you go in

And apologize to roscoe

For wrecking his things.

I'm not leaving until you do.

- Is that you daddy?

That bad cat

Stole my rocket and--no! No!

I built you! Get away!

- I am really sorry

About the damages.

- Oh, it's okay.

Come back soon.

I have 53 more trays of slides.

- Yeah. Come on, boys.

I can't take you anywhere.

Roscoe is such a nice, polite

Young man and always learning.

In fact, he'll be learning

For a long time.

- Yep. If those are long-life

Batteries, he'll be learning

For about three days.

- Let me go!

I don't want to ballet dance!

Daddy! Daddy!