03x07 - Return of the Buddy Bears/U.S. Acres: Much Ado About Lanolin/Reigning Cats and Dogs

[bunniefuu]

- Ladies

- Ladies and

- Ladies and gentlemen,

-Garfield and friends.,

- We're...

- We're...

- Ready...

- Ready...

- To...

- To...

- Party!

- ™ª we're ready to party ♪

™ª we're ready ♪

- ™ª I hope you bring ♪

™ª lots of spaghetti ♪

™ª come on in ♪

™ª come to the place ♪

™ª where fun never ends ♪

™ª come on in ♪

™ª it's time to party ♪

™ª with garfield and friends ♪

™ª dancing ♪ fiesta!

™ª romancing ♪ siesta!

™ª samba ♪ la bamba!

Ay carumba!

Disguises!

- Disguises!

- Surprises!

- Surprises!

- And pies of...

- And pies of all sizes! Ha ha!

™ª come on in ♪

™ª come to the place ♪

™ª where fun never ends ♪

™ª come on in ♪

™ª it's time to party ♪

™ª with garfield and friends ♪

™ª come on in ♪

™ª it's time to party ♪

™ª with garfield and friends ♪

™ª garfield and friends ♪

- Hey, you, the kid

Who missed last week's show.

You better have a good excuse.

- Swiss cheese.

Know what these holes

Are good for?

I'll show you.

- Mmm.

- Swiss cheese is good

For making mouse balloons.

- Let's see, front section.

Not interested.

Editorials. Not interested.

Sports. Definitely

Not interested.

Employment opportunities.

So not interested,

You wouldn't believe it.

Ah, here.

Comics and food section.

- Garfield, I'm home.

- Nice of them to put my two

Favorite subjects together.

- Garfield, look at this place!

- Yeah?

- The living room

Looks like a dump.

- No, the kitchen

Looks like a dump.

The living room looks like

A vacant lot with garbage

All over it.

- Listen, I'm taking liz

To a movie this afternoon.

- Well, what are we going

To see?

- You are not going.

- See if I share my popcorn

With you.

- You are going to stay here

And clean up this house, and it

Had better be absolutely clean

By the time I get back or else.

- Jon sounds serious,

Serious enough

To make health food

For dinner for a week.

Hmm. Who can I get

To clean this place up?

Hello, odie.

- Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

- Odie, if you came to me

And you needed help,

What do you think I'd do?

Yeah, that's about what I'd do.

[ Doorbell rings ]

- Gee, who can I get to

Clean up the house for me?

- Ready, guys?

[ 媻 ]

- ™ª hum, hum, hum ♪

™ª oh, we are the buddy bears ♪

™ª we always get along ♪

™ª we say we do a little dance ♪

™ª and sing a little song ♪

™ª if you ever disagree ♪

™ª it means that you are wrong ♪

™ª oh, we are the buddy bears ♪

™ª we always get along ♪

- Don't do an encore.

Why are you here?

- I'm bobby buddy bear.

- I'm billy buddy bear.

- I'm bertie buddy bear.

[ All ] we're the buddy bears.

- And we're looking for work.

- I agree with him.

- And I agree with you.

- Well, I agree

With both of you.

- These guys agree

With everything. Watch this.

You guys really want

To clean my house for me.

- I agree with that.

- I agree with that, too.

- I didn't hear it,

But I just know I agree.

- Whew.

Boy, for a second there, I was

Afraid I was actually going

To have to do some work myself.

- ™ª oh, we are the buddy bears ♪

™ª we're here ♪

™ª to clean your place ♪

™ª we'll work and always ♪

™ª have a smile ♪

™ª on each and every face ♪

™ª if we don't clean ♪

™ª fast enough ♪

™ª we'll hurry up our pace ♪

™ª oh, we are the buddy bears ♪

媻 we're here to
clean your place ♪

- Hey, this house

Is really clean.

I get some great ideas.

Well, time for my 2:47

In the afternoon snack.

Keep it up, lads.

This cake needs something.

Maybe some peanut butter.

Okay, who took my cake?

If you did it,

You're in a lot of trouble.

I'll just have to make myself

A peanut butter sandwich.

I need some milk.

Aah! I didn't see that.

The refrigerator wasn't empty.

I'll look again,

And all the food will be there.

Aah!

Billy, I'm going to ask this

Calmly and with quiet restraint.

Where did all the food go?

- I'm not billy buddy bear.

I'm bobby buddy bear.

Billy buddy bear is busy

Bleaching blue blouses

And black blazers

In the bathroom.

- And she sells seashells

By the seashore.

I want the food,

And I want it now!

- The food was messing up

Your nice clean place,

So we got rid of it.

- I agree with bobby buddy

Bear.

The refrigerator

Is so much cleaner now.

- And I agree with both

Of them, whatever they said.

- Enough! I'm going to get

My peanut butter.

Where's my peanut butter?

No, never mind.

I'll have a cookie.

- You're getting crumbs

All over.

- Hey! Give me that!

- These cookies

Are much too messy.

Have to get rid of them.

- Hey! Come back here

With those cookies!

- Here, you'll mess up

The place with these cookies.

- What a coincidence running

Into you downtown, odie.

I hope garfield has the house

Cleaned up by now.

- [ Woof ]

- You're fired!

Get out and stay out!

- Okay. Give us our pay

And we'll go.

- Pay?

- Why, I paid you guys already.

- You didn't pay us.

- No, we haven't been paid.

- I agree. No bucks yet.

- What? You're disagreeing

With me?

I thought you guys

Never disagree.

- No, we never disagree.

- Then you agree

I already paid you.

Imagine, cleaning a house

But getting rid

Of all the food in it.

- Garfield, is the house all--

[ Gasps ] clean?

- [ Gasps ] huh?

- But it was clean.

The buddy bears cleaned it,

But then billy buddy bear--

Or was it bobby buddy bear--

Took the cookie jar and--

Oh, what's the use?

- We'll find a new job, guys.

- Yes, we will.

- We sure will.

- Hi, guys.

Need a trainee buddy bear?

Jon said something

About not feeding me

Until century after next.

Maybe I can teach you

To be disagreeable.

I've had a lot of experience.

- Welcome aboard.

- I agree.

- Fine by me.

™ª oh, we are ♪

™ª the buddy bears ♪

™ª we're never, ever rude ♪

媻 we'll sing and dance
and laugh for you ♪

™ª if you are in the mood ♪

™ª if you want to make us leave ♪

™ª then give us lots of food ♪

™ª oh, we are the buddy bears ♪

™ª we're never, ever rude ♪

- Tonight's movie is "attack

Of the weirdo martian zombies."

- [ Squawking ]

- [ Squawking ]

- Oh, this is scary.

- Yeah, turn it off, orson.

- Oh, very well.

Guys, it was only a movie.

- Imagine, turning us off

In the middle of our big scene.

- I was just starting

To get into it.

- I didn't even get on.

- Ah, what a day, what a day,

What a day.

- We could run a race.

- No, it's too hot.

- We could get some ice

And make ice cream.

- Too cold.

- Then let's have lunch.

- It's, like, too early, man.

- Breakfast?

- Too late.

- We better think of something

To do, 'cause this episode

Is going nowhere fast.

- You guys ought to be

Ashamed of yourselves.

- And when am I not?

- That's not what I mean.

Lying around all day like this.

There are crops to be harvested.

- Lanolin, will you get me

A drink of water?

- Get you a drink of water?

- Uh-huh.

- That's the laziest request

In the world.

- Not so.

There are lazier requests.

- If you can name me one

Request that's lazier, rooster,

I'll give you a dollar.

- Just slip the dollar

In my pocket.

- I mean, like, chill down,

Sisaroo.

Don't be so disagreeable.

- I am not disagreeable.

- Yes, you are. You disagree

With me all the time.

- I have never disagreed

With you.

- Get comfy.

This could take a while.

- Yeah, you just disagreed

With me.

- I did not.

I have never once

Disagreed with you,

And every time you thought

I did, you were wrong.

- Uh, can someone, like,

Translate that into english

For me?

- Guys, I've got a terrific

Idea for something

We can all do.

- Oh, I hope this is better

Than his come-as-your-

Arithmetic-assignment party.

- Oh, that was fun.

I dressed up

As a long division problem.

- I just came across this book

Of plays by william shakespeare.

- William who?

- Shakes what?

- William shakespeare.

He's the greatest playwright

Who ever lived.

Shakespeare lived

In 16th century england,

And he wrote tragedies,

Romances, comedies.

- Doing a play sounds far out,

Man, but, like, are we minus

Something important,

Like a stage?

- Oh, all the world's a stage.

- That's deep, orson.

- You see, you just have

To use your imagination.

The barn could be our stage.

The doors could be our curtains.

- Hey, do you see what I see?

- I see what I'm seeing, but I

Can't be seeing what I see

I'm seeing, see?

- And we can imagine that

We all have fancy costumes.

- Hey, neat!

- Can I see something

In a light tweed jacket?

- Theater is all about using

Your imagination, so let's just

Use our imaginations.

Is something wrong, bo?

- I don't know, man.

I, like, never got the point

Of all this play acting stuff.

- Oh, it's real simple.

Art imitates life,

And then life imitates art.

A play can give you

A new look at the world

You live in.

- Oh, right. I could use

A new look at it.

The old look just shows me

My sister disagreeing

With me all the time.

- Hmm, we could do

"The taming of the shrew,"

But we'd need someone

To play the shrew.

- What's a shrew?

- It's this girl with a loud

Voice who shouts at everybody

All the time and throws things

When she gets mad.

- Gee, I wonder who we could

Imagine up to fill that role?

We'll pretend lanolin

Is our star.

- Is that the real lanolin

Or the imaginary lanolin?

- She's not yelling.

Must be the imaginary lanolin.

- Okay, everybody.

Let the play begin.

- To be or not to be.

That is the question.

Whether the answer be on

The crib sheet of our existence

Or in the palm of my hand

Wherein is writ the textbook.

- Psst, hey, wade.

You got the wrong play, man.

- 'Tis not for a duck to see.

Wrong play?

Oh, dear. This must be

Every actor's nightmare. Ooh.

- Was ever a father

Less grieved than i?

But h*, who comes here?

- A great desire had I to see

Fair pajua., Pleasant garden of

Great italy, that I left behind

My pizza with pepperoni

And olives.

- You left pizza?

I see you are a musician

And a scholar.

I am looking for a tutor

For my daughter lanolina.

Such a person

Who leaves a pepperoni pizza

With olives has many virtues.

Come then and meet her.

I present my daughter lanolina.

- Whoa!

- Fire he who build-eth

Those stairs!

They be defective, I say!

- My daughter, I present

Unto you lucentio.

He shall teach you.

- Friends, romians,

Countrymen, lend me your shears.

I come to bury

The gladiola bulbs,

Not to plant lettuce.

Oh, judgement, thou art lacking

If planting me one onion,

They brought out the rutabagas

By their tender pits.

- Hey, wrong play, my liege.

- Wrong play again?

- Right, wrong play again, man.

- Double nightmare.

- What brings you here,

Minstrel?

- I seek to teach you

A lesson, lanolina.

- What? You seek to teach me?

- Still your temper, lanolina.

I--lanolina, stop!

I beseech you.

Still your temper, m'lady,

Before our land suffers a severe

Pottery shortage because of you.

I like you as you are,

Lanolina, speak your mind,

But there is no need

To throw things.

- You like me?

- Our costumes are gone.

- We are but wool and feathers.

- That's the real lanolin.

- Lanolin's reality

Interrupted orson's fantasy.

- What are you guys doing?

- We were just imagining

A play.

- A play? What a waste of time

That is!

- Not if you learn something

From it, man.

- What do you want?

- I just wanted to say, sis,

Like, we all really like you.

- You like me?

Gee, I guess I should be nicer

To you guys from now on.

Okay. I will be.

- Alas, poor sheldon.

I knew him, horatio,

A fellow of infinite egghood

Of most excellent cholesterol.

Where be your jibes now,

Your gambles, your clean socks?

How honorable be this duck

Who cringes

From e'en his own shadow

And anything larger

Than a gnat?

- The following program

Is being made possible

From a grant from luigi's

Drive-through lasagna.

Welcome to the great debate.

Tonight's topic: why are cats

Better than dogs?

Here to address this topic,

Garfield cat.

- [ Clears throat ]

Why are cats better than dogs?

They just are, that's all.

Thank you.

All right, I'll elaborate.

Why cats are better than dogs.

To demonstrate,

I'll need a dog.

- Ta-da.

- Oh, this is too easy.

I'll start by pointing out

This critter's basic flaws.

- Huh?

- I don't even know where

To start.

I'll also need a cat

For this demonstration.

- Hi, garfield!

Yes, it's me, nermal,

The world's--

- The world's cutest kitty cat.

- Face facts, garfield.

I'm just the cutest thing

On four legs.

- Wrong, lasagna served

On a dining table is the cutest

Thing on four legs.

Nermal, this demonstration

Calls for the ultimate cat,

A cat who has grace and beauty,

Speed, agility, and above all,

A cunning feline intellect.

So I'll have to do it myself.

All right. Why cats are better

Than dogs.

Let us take our first example:

Asking for food.

- Ah, my pie is all done.

- Here's how a dog

Asks for food.

- [ Barks ]

[ Whines ]

- All right already.

You can have some pie.

- Effective but annoying.

Let me show you

How a cat does it.

- Ah, my pie is all done.

- See?

- Much more dignified,

And it doesn't get dog slobber

All over.

Let's compare more dog

And cat activities.

Here's how dogs exercise.

Here's how cats exercise.

Here's how dogs chase the ball.

Here's how cats chase the ball.

Here's how dogs

Go to the store.

Here's how cats

Go to the store.

Cats are extremely--

- Please, garfield?

I'll show you

How cute I can be.

™ª la la la la la ♪

- I hope none of you

Are watching this while eating.

- Garfield, no! Stop!

Garfield, I won't be cute

In here!

Garfield! You promised to stop

Doing this last season!

Garfield!

- Our next example is fetching

The paper. Observe.

- [ Humming ]

- Note the use of doggie mouth.

Highly unsanitary.

Look at this, teeth marks

On the sports section,

Paw prints on the want ads,

Then worst of all,

Doggie drool on the funnies.

By the way, doggie drool

On a comic strip

Is a felony in some countries,

Especially on a certain strip

Which shall remain nameless.

Here's how a cat handles

Fetching the morning paper.

[ Bell rings ] paper cat!

Okay. You owe me for two months,

Daily and sunday.

I accept cash, check,

Or blueberry waffles.

I can't show you all the ways

Cats are better than dogs, but--

[ Doorbell rings ]

Excuse me one moment.

Boy, try and educate people,

And you get interrupted

Over and over.

- We've been watching

Your show, and we don't like

What we hear.

- [ All talking ]

- If we hear any more insults

About dogs, you're in

A great deal of trouble.

- Who, me?

Libel man's best friend?

Ha! You jest.

- Whew!

- I would never say an unkind

Word about you fine canines.

- You best not.

- If I continue telling

The truth, those dogs will make

Kitty kibble out of me.

Due to circumstances

Beyond my control

And with big teeth,

I will be unable to con--

- Garfield, this is unfair.

I'm a cat

And a very cute one at that.

I demand

That you let me explain

How wonderful kitties are.

- Hey, this could work out

After all.

Nermal, I'm not only

Going to let you be on the show,

I'm going to let you host.

- Really, garfield?

- Come on, odie.

My work here is done.

- Huh?

- Dogs are uncute

And unwonderful,

And they bite and smell

And have fleas and--

- [ Growling ]

- And...and...

Want to see me play

With a ball of string?

- [ Growling ]

- [ Teeth chatter ]

- Actually, dogs

Aren't so bad.

They serve

Some useful functions.

- Help! Being chased

Is not cute!

- [ Growling ]

- There's one of them

Right there.

Come on.

I'll get a cheeseburger,

And you can watch me eat it.