02x10 - Portrait of the Artist as a Young Milo/The Sisterhood

[bunniefuu]

[THEME SONG PLAYS]

Who's that girl? What's her name?
Is she cool? Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?
Is she breaking every rule?

-[ALARM RINGING]
-Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann

BOY: Who?

GIRL 1: Is that the girl from gym class?

-MOOSE: No, that's me.
-GIRL 1: Oh.

GIRL 2: Who is she
and why does she have her own song?

PEPPER ANN: Did someone take my lunch?

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann
Much too cool for seventh grade

No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!

Wow! A dreidel!

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

[THEME SONG CONCLUDES]

[MILO SNORING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[BICYCLE BELL RINGS]

DIETER: Oh, Milo, you are a genius.

Your art, it transcends generations.

Keep it down Dieter.
Can't you see there's an artist at work?

ALL: Ooh!

Can I have your autograph?

ALL: Ah!

Well, ring my bell.
Guess what time it is again?

Time for the "Dental Hygiene-A-Palooza"
poster contest.

So put your best creative foot forward
and get jiggy with tooth care.

So, Milo-angelo, what you gonna
blow them away with this year?

I don't know. It'll hit me tonight
when I'm sitting at the canvas.

The student judges who'll award
the winning trophy to Milo...

I mean, the yet-to-be-identified winner,
have been chosen by Nurse Oomla

for their perfect cavity-free
dental records.

They are Constance Goldman.

Lamar Abu-Dabe.

And Pepper Ann Pearson.

I don't know what to say.

I'd like to thank everyone
who made this honor possible...

Why wasn't I chosen?

My teeth are a perfect string
of rectangular pearls.

Does Nurse Oomla know something I don't?

Mrs. Baker my first-grade teacher
for casting me in our school play,

Bring in Da Brush, Bring in Da Floss.

-[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
-[JOINTS CRACKS]

[ALARM BEEPS]

Nurse Oomla's taking this too far.

Nicky, four out of five dentists agree...
you're not fit to judge this contest.

Because I had one mild case
of tartar buildup?

Oomla's just jealous.

That woman has more crowns
than the royal family.

-Hi.
-Hi.

-Hello.
-No, everything's not fine!

Everything's terrible.

-I didn't get a wink of sleep last night.
-I know how you feel, Milo.

But if we stick together, we can knock
Oomla off her hygiene high horse.

I don't know what's happening to me.

Last night I sat down to create
and I couldn't.

-Milo, this happens to everyone.
-Not to me it doesn't.

Wait. Are we talking about art?

Then I'm afraid I must leave.

As much as I would like to help,

I can't discuss contest proceedings
with anyone,

lest it cloud my impartial judgment.
Good-bye.

You're probably just preoccupied
with other things.

Like deflating Oomla's tires.

-You think so?
-I know so. This too, shall pass.

-[SLURPS]
-[KNOCKS]

[FLOORBOARD SCREECHING]

Nicky, you were right.

My creative block was only temporary.

I have regained my muse.

Milo. No!

She looks familiar.

It's the Mona Lisa, Pepper Ann.
Circa 1506.

-It's quite a competent reproduction.
-[GROANS]

Oh! She works at the Freezy Pleasy, right?

Nice girl, kind of shy?

-Uh, no. It's a painting by Leonardo da...
-Ooh, I love him!

Promise me, Rose... you'll never let go.

No. Leonardo da Vinci.

Oh! Are you talking to me?
Hey, you talking to me?

No. That's De Niro! Ugh!

What's wrong with Nicky?

I've lost it, PA.

I've lost my creativity forever.

I'm sorry Milo, but I really can't discuss
the contest with you.

The note. Read the note.

"Meet me in Fish stick Alley. Come alone.
Signed, a friend."

All right, PA! See you there!

-[TRASH CLATTERS]
-Psst!

-Hey PA.
-Call me "Camille."

If Nurse Oomla catches us consorting,
my judging days will be over for sure.

My artist days are already over.

Milo, this isn't just about you.

The whole town is waiting to see
your next creation.

You're right, PA.

People are expecting
something great from me.

I have to regain my muse.

I have to revisit the place
of my first artistic inspiration.

Milo? What are you doing?

Revisiting the place of my first
artistic inspiration.

Oh. What?

When I was a little kid, my mom always
brought me to this store with her.

One day, I caught a glimpse
of what was in this freezer case.

It changed my life.

DIETER: [GASPS] It's... it's beautiful.

Then and there I grabbed my mom's
eyebrow pencil out of her purse,

started drawing on her ankles,
and the rest is history.

I know what you mean.

When I ate my first chicken caboodle,

it was like the heavens opened up
and the angels sang.

La!

No singing in the frozen food aisle, sir.
Come with us.

What? Get your hands off me. Mater!

-[STEAM HISSING]
-PEPPER ANN: Psst!

Milo, I've been looking all over for you.
What are you doing here?

Trying to warm up.
I spent the night with frozen food.

You know what I think my problem is?
I need to suffer for my art.

I haven't suffered enough yet.

-How about now?
-No. But thanks for trying, PA.

I think maybe I need to get back
to my roots.

I've been living in my head too much.

I need to get down
and commune with the people.

Now you're talking.

You need to know what the people want
before you can give it to them.

MILO: Look at it, Nicky.

Nothing says Americana like
a "Red Snapper" restaurant.

-So true.
-This is going to be great.

I'm going to work alongside my countrymen.

Dirty my hands in the heartland.

Good luck, Milo. You can do it.

To the ocean, Nicky.
To the freedom of the ocean.

The poster contest is tomorrow.

I might as well just give it up.

What kind of talk is that?

As my grandpa Little always says,
"That's stinking thinking."

Oh, how clever!
She's sending you a message in Morse code.

"Why don't you talk to someone
whose work has inspired you?

"An artist who knows a thing or two
about pleasing the missus."

PEPPER ANN: Masses! Pleasing the masses!

My favorite artists are deceased.

Renoir, Dali, Keith Haring.

Surely there must be one artist you admire
who's still alive.

Well, there is one.

Now what I wanted to explore in my book

is the difference between
reporting the news and inventing it.

See, the media will create
what they think we want in order...

BOTH: ...to satisfy the public's
insatiable need for a hero.

[ALL LAUGH]

-I know.
-I know.

Mark Hamill. The Mark Hamill.

You are single-handedly responsible
for lifting the spirits

of the entire nation
when it needed it most.

I am your hugest fan.

Well, thank you very much.
That's very nice of you.

I mean, when you take the ice,
it's like poetry in motion.

Your gracefulness, your poise...

Excuse me?

It's like the ice is your canvas
and the skates are your brush.

And not to mention the fact
that your personal style

set the trend for the whole country.

I'll never forget when my Aunt Cathy
got her hair cut like yours

after watching the Olympics.

That's Dorothy.

No, no, her name is Cathy.

That's Dorothy Hamill, the ice skater.

I'm Mark Hamill, you know,
the actor and comic book author.

-Who?
-I'm Mark Hamill.

You're talking about Dorothy Hamill.
No relation.

-What?
-Oh just get... Blast it!

He played Luke Skywalker, you laser brain!

[RADIO STATIC]

What? What? Huh?
What... what's going on here?

Mr. Hamill! Oh, no, Mr. Hamill, I'm sorry!

I kneel at the altar of you.

Hey, that was like
a bazillion years ago fella.

It's time to move on
with our lives, people!

Dorothy Hamill.

-I have no idea who that is.
-[SIGHS]

Good use of shadow.

Look at your giant face, dude.
You look like a pumpkin.

That's it. That's it!

I've done it.
I've broken through my artist's block.

I knew you could do it.

I told you,
if you just listen to me you...

MILO: No PA, that's just it.

I shouldn't have listened to you.
You were totally wrong.

Oh. So, can you believe this Frozurt
is fat free?

Pepper Ann, let Milo speak.

You were saying that Pepper Ann
was totally wrong?

-Actually, you were both totally wrong.
-Oh.

Fat free you say? Mmm.

I've been so concerned
about pleasing other people

that I forgot the reason
I create in the first place.

To please myself.

I stupidly let other people's expectations
put pressure on me.

'Cause it's not about winning a contest
or having people like what I do.

It's about the art, man.

-PEPPER ANN: Cool , Milo.
-NICKY: Congratulations.

Hey PA, I thought we weren't supposed
to be consorting.

Eh... Nurse Oomla kicked me off
the judges panel today.

Somehow, she found out I didn't floss
when I went away to summer camp.

That Nurse Oomla is nothing
if not thorough.

Man, was I freaking or what?

I mean, I painted a replica
of the Mona Lisa.

What was I thinking?

[ALL LAUGH]

Hmm. Try our fries.

Peppie, what are you doing?

The sooner Mom and Janie
leave for their retreat,

the sooner our weekend
of sweet freedom begins.

I thought grandma was watching us.

[CHUCKLES] Moose-ey.

Grandma plays bingo all morning
and watches Spanish soaps all afternoon.

We can do whatever we want as long
as we're home for dinner by four.

Don't call me Moose-ey.

Oh, Moose. There's a comb in my purse!

You're all packed,
have a great weekend. Bye.

Peppie that's so sweet, but you should
really be packing for yourself.

Did you tell her yet? Oh, tell her.

Pepper Ann, Janie and I had a tête-à-tête
and we've decided

that you're finally old enough
to come to our Adamant Eve retreat.

Oh! A whole weekend
of women supporting women.

Celebrating our accomplishments
in the home, workplace, and community.

Sounds great, but I'm all booked up.

In fact, I'm meeting Nicky and Milo
at Greezy 'N Cheezy in about...

Oh, you can go to Wheezy 'N Fatty
next weekend.

Besides, it's the perfect opportunity
for some mother-daughter bonding.

What about grandma?

We were going to watch
El Corazon, Mi Amigo and...

Grandma never took me to anything
like this, that's for darn sure.

Oh, Peppie you'll love it.

Women from all across the Tri-Nut area
sharing and drumming.

And this year, I have done my...
[INHALES] ...breathing exercises

and I will not be brought down
by that low rent

lingerie peddler Margot Lesandre.

Well, let's hit it, sisters.

[HORN HONKING]

I don't know why Uncle Jo Jo
couldn't drive us to the bus.

Pepper Ann, dear, your Uncle Jo Jo...
well, he doesn't quite understand.

He thinks this retreat
is a bunch of horse hooey.

It's the only thing Jo Jo and I agree on.

-Except for how beautiful Janie is.
-[TIRES SCREECHING]

Mom! Mom, watch the road.

GRANDMA: [SCOFFING] Celebrate women.

I celebrated women every day of my life
by raising two of them

in a loving roach-free household.

I didn't have to hang any banners
on any school buses.

-BOTH: Bye Mom!
-Bye Grandma.

Ugh! In my day we only needed one way
to spell women.

[TIRES SCREECH]

All right. Welcome Adamant Eve-ers.

As we leave Smiley's parking lot,

we leave behind the smothering trappings
of a patriarchal society.

We leave behind the bondage of pantyhose
and the sting of lady shavies.

Can't we leave me behind?

[ALL GASP]

So, take the hand of the sister
beside you, that's right.

And here we go.

-And here we are.
-[BRAKES SCREECHING]

[HYDRAULIC HISSES]

The Motel 3?

This is where you've been going
all this time?

Oh, isn't it wonderful?

Wonderful is right.

Have you been inhaling bus fumes?

Mom and Aunt Janie do their woman thang,
while you spend the weekend in a hotel,

ordering room service.

-Room service.
-[BONGO DRUMS PLAYING]

Mints on your pillow, housekeeping,
free cable.

[HUMS]

Okay, let's pitch your tent.

We are gonna reconvene at oh nine hundred
exactly for orientation.

-Don't be late.
-Tents?

Why can't we just get a room and come down
for seminars and stuff?

Adamant Eve is about women
coming together,

putting aside competition and cattiness.

And the rooms are thirty-eight fifty
a pop.

Ooh, this takes me way back
to my Peace Corps days.

Janie Diggity. How you talk.

Your Peace Corps days couldn't have been
more than, what, 40, 50 years ago.

[LAUGHS]

Come on, Janie.
Let's get our picture taken

with the Jane Fonda
cardboard cutout, huh?

Margot Lesandre. [INHALES]
Your eyebrows look fabulous.

But then, you always were handy
with a sharpie.

So, tell me, how's your life
as a homebody, Janie, huh?

You must feel pretty useless
now that Ned's in high school. Bye-bye.

-[GIGGLES]
-[GRUNTS]

What happened to putting away
competition and cattiness?

Put this away, Lydia.
Oh, look, a Jane Fonda cut-out.

Ms. Little. Is Nicky here?

When I told Nicky
she was old enough to come,

we shared a pot of Lapsang souchong tea
and talked it over.

Though she acknowledges the benefits
of female bonding,

Nicky feels that accentuating differences
between men and women

will only widen the chasm between them.

Uh... So, is Nicky here?

No, honey. She had a date with Stewart.

So none of your friends are here,
just hang back, blend in.

-The weekend will be over before you...
-COACH DOOGAN: Pearson! Hup!

Get on up here! That's right, Ladies.

We've got ourselves a first timer!
Let me hear it! That's right!

[LOUD INDISTINCT CHEERING]

And all right, calm down.

She is going to help us kick things off
with the ceremonial burning of the girdle.

Now, this year, management has,
rather stodgily if you ask me,

prohibited indoor fires. But never fear.

We have devised a way to simulate flames

with crepe paper, a fan,
and a pinch of glitter!

All right, Lil' Pearson. Come on.
Do the honors.

-[SWITCH CLICKS]
-[MECHANICAL WHIRRING]

ALL: Ooh! Ahh!

Now, let's dim the lights
for a Rosie O'Donnell movie marathon!

-[PROJECTOR WHIRRING]
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[WOMEN SOBBING]

All right already.
Come on, crybabies, circle up.

Huh? What happened?
Did Rosie make the baseball team?

Okay people, come on.

It's time to put down the tissues
and get to the issues. That's right!

All right. First up,
we tackle a raging debate...

"Going Dutch, is it asserting
your equality or letting him off cheap?"

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

I'm sure they just get the boring stuff
out of the way first.

It'll get better. Right?

All right everybody, listen up.

On your feet for the Homemakers
Versus Home-wreckers

-Forgive and Forget Volleyball Tourney!
-[APPLAUSE]

-Let's go!
-Oh, boy.

Next up, "Aprons, protection
or oppression?"

And now, Carlotta Sneed
asks the provocative question,

"What if the Civil w*r had been fought
by Ulyssa S. Grant and Roberta E. Lee?"

-Huh? What do you think?
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[SNORES]

-Rise and shine! Come on, women!
-[CLANGS]

Time to whip up some Sloppy JoAnnas!

-For breakfast?
-Oh!

Okay, day two activities.

Well, should we start off
with Sandra Day O'Connor's

"Don't look up my robe as I climb
the justice ladder" or...

Ooh! Carving radish roses.

Mom, I know you're into this stuff,
but I just don't think it's my thing.

-[BOTH GASPS]
-I could walk home, it's only four blocks.

Pepper Ann.

Celebrating sisterhood
is every woman's "thing."

Just give it a chance, Peppie.

I want you to learn how far we've come
and how far we can go.

All right. I guess it won't k*ll me
to sit through one more day.

Oh! That's the spirit.
You don't know how lucky you are.

In my day, women weren't so free.

-My mother put so many expectations on me.
-[GRUNTS]

She was always pushing me to do things
I didn't want to do.

-[GRUNTS]
-[GROANS]

Most of the time, I felt like my mother
just wasn't paying attention

-to my goals and accomplishments.
-[GROANS]

And the things she made me learn
were so useless in the real world.

My mother just didn't understand
that I was from a different generation

with different goals and opportunities.

You see Peppie,
women have come quite a long way.

Why are we chained to an outhouse?

For heaven's sake, Peppie,
it's a voting booth.

This suffrage reenactment is symbolic
of the oppression we still face.

Women weren't even allowed
to vote until 1920.

Really?

Get these buns out of the kitchen
and into the voting booth!

-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
-[CHAIN RATTLING]

And to think that we've come so far,
that in another 200 years,

a woman might even be president.

We are sisters, sisters, sisters!

-Oh, brother.
-[ALL GASP]

Pearson has a right to be heard.
Lesandre, pass the spatula.

It's just that, of course,
a woman can be president.

Not in 200 years, but now.

We're just as smart and capable
as any guy.

Sure, there may be a few people out there
who don't think so,

but everyone knows they're stupid.

I like being a girl and I don't see
what the big deal is.

We did it sisters!

As women, our goal was always to make
things better for the next generation.

To shatter the glass ceiling
and the glass slipper in one fell swoop!

-What's the glass ceiling?
-[ALL GASP]

Our daughters don't need to go
to Adamant Eve

because we have succeeded in making them
feel like equals,

not just one weekend a year,
but every single day.

[ALL CHEER]

Lydia's right. Times are changing.

I don't have to pretend to like you
just because you're a woman.

I am so proud of you
for speaking your mind

in the sister solidarity rap session.

I can't tell you how freeing it was.

I finally told that Margot Lesandre
what was what.

-I was talking to Pepper Ann.
-Oh!

And I'm sorry I dragged you
to Adamant Eve.

It's cool, Mom. I never really thought
about that stuff before.

And the ice sculpting was pretty fun.
Do we have a chain saw?

-No.
-We do!

[SPEAKING PIG LATIN]

GRANDMA: Welcome back!

How's my little Peppie shmepie?

You didn't “woman” her to death, did you?

-[LAUGHING]
-That's not funny, Grandma.

Adamant Eve is important to Mom and Janie.

Eh! What do you know from funny?
You're only 12.

Hey, us 12-year-olds are the future.

By the time you're a hundred,
I could be president.

A woman president? Hmm, it's possible.

JANIE: Two whole days of women
sharing and caring.

There's nothing better than being
completely submerged in femininity.

Jo Jo? Ned? I've come home to my men!

Well, I enjoyed spending the weekend
with you, Peppie.

If you want to go meet Nicky and Milo
at Wheezy 'N Fatty, go ahead.

Actually, I think there's a classic
Rosie playing at Abe's mall.

Want to go see it?

Grandpa's picking me up in four hours.

I'll just wait here for him on the stoop.

Alone. Still spelling women with an "E."

Grandma, why don't you come with us?
They have those bonbons you like.

I can't get enough of that Rosie.
Oh, she's just bursting with talent.

Bah! What does that girl know from talent?

Now, Lydia here had talent.

She could do a sea cow impression so good,

I swear you'd want to set her free
in the ocean. Now that's talent.

[LAUGHS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES]