01x03 - The Bender

[bunniefuu]

♪♪ ♪♪

[PHONE CHIMES]

Hi.

My name is Merritt Tryon.

I'm 27 years old...

[SIGHS]

... and when you're as
big as me, not much fits,

but I think I am the
perfect fit for your show.

- [LOIS] No, do not do it...
- Mom.

... like that.

No.

- No, no, no. You sound a mess.
- Mom, please.

- [PHONE CHIMES]
- You-you-you sound stiff, like a robot.

[IN MONOTONE] "My name is Merritt.

This is my story."

And why you got this filthy
hospital curtain up here?

Okay, it's my backdrop.

Let's record again.

Do not interrupt me.

Okay, Ms. Diahann Carroll.

- I won't say nothing.
- [PHONE CHIMES]

[WHISPERING] Take two.

[SIGHS]

Ever since I was a little girl,

I've had a problem with food.

I mean, or...

at least, what I thought was a problem.

[FADING] It was what I ran to

when I felt scared or sad...

or trapped.

But I'm starting to realize that maybe

that food wasn't the only problem.

It was that anxiety and depression...

Christ on a cr*cker.

All right, you're done.

Thank you. No, thank you.

Merritt, why do you have
to debase yourself? Why?

- They want a story.
- Tell them how smart you are.

Tell them you graduated at 16.

Tell them you got a
perfect score on the SAT.

Want to know why? That is a story.

They don't want to hear that, okay?

They-they want to hear
about adversity and hardship.

Okay, I have seen a lot of
victims in my life, Merritt,

and believe me when I tell you,
baby, you are not one of them.

Mmm. Well,

you can go. Thank you.

- [SCOFFS]
- Please, go.

- I will.
- Mm-hmm.

Let the g*dd*mn light in

and let everybody see

how wretched and horrible your life is.

Mm-hmm.

All right, go.

You're still here... so that's funny.

Okay, baby girl, I'm-a go.

But Mama is literally
cooking you up something

- you gonna love.
- Mmm.

Mm-mm-mmm.

Oh, so, wait. Let me get this straight.

You're making me a turducken.

You bet.

- [LAUGHS]
- Mm-hmm.

- Wow.
- We have the makings of

a fresh full-fat turkey

with a layer of andouille
sausage stuffing,

then, a very good Muscovy duck,

carefully deboned and gently placed

within the turkey's cavity.

And then last, but certainly not least,

an organic free-range
m*therf*cking chicken

within that,

all layered with this
andouille sausage stuffing,

if you dare.

Oh, I dare.

How did you learn how
to make a turducken,

and why did you wait so long?

Listen, I told you,

I would help you actualize your dreams

of worldwide fame.

This dish has over



so if you eat that over
four days, that's, like...

It's like 3,000 a day.

Ding, ding, ding.

But I intend to eat this in one,

possibly two days. [LAUGHS]

[MERRITT RUBBING HANDS TOGETHER]

Here's the deal.

You don't give me sh*t
about what I like to drink.

Understand me?

Vodka, martinis, any of it.

In exchange, I'll help you

get where you want to be, weight-wise.

Take it or leave it.

It's a deal.

Can I watch you make it?

Can you fill 'er up first?

I don't want to get raw
poultry on the vodka bottle.

♪♪ ♪♪

You'll love this next part.

[BONES CRACKING]

This is where it gets delicate.

You need steady hands,

like those of a trauma surgeon.

We got to make it look
like a turkey again,

not flattened roadkill.

So, we...

sew up the back.

Then we truss the fowl,

like roping a calf.

And finally, a simple

shoelace knot,

and voilà,

one engastrated turkey.

Wow.

Wait. I'm sorry, you said, "castrated"?

Engastrated.

It means the remains of one animal

are stuffed inside of another animal.

How do you even know that?

Lately, I can't sleep at night,

so I read cookbooks, girl.

Huh.

That's interesting.

Well, how long is this thing gonna take,

because I think I will need a snack.

Will you now?

About three hours.

But if that's too hard for you,

I can make you an omelet or something.

Ooh, yeah. What kind?

I think we got some morels left.

A little mascarpone, a little Jack.

Pour Mama another drink, could you?

["DEDICATED TO YOU" BY
JOHN COLTRANE PLAYING]

[MERRITT] Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. This is the greatest thing

ever invented,

and the kindest thing
you've ever done for me.

You know, I was gonna make

cherries jubilee for desert,

but I can't.

Oh, that's okay.

I'm gonna have some more of
that turducken for dessert.

[CHUCKLES]

Okay.

Mmm.

So, what's this all about?

I mean...

uh, you used to put
out a frozen lasagna,

- if anything.
- Okay, relax.

Now, my domestic skills, I admit,

were slow to develop.

I do miss your father's cooking, though.

All those layered flavors.

See? I knew you missed him.

I know you miss him. You have to.

Okay, I miss certain things about him

that made me stay as long as I did.

I mean, those are things
from long, long ago.

That's nostalgia, baby.

Well, tell me the story

- of how you and Daddy met.
- Oh, my God.

Why do you want to
hear that story again?

Because I want to hear it again.

I've told you this a
thousand times before.

Make it a thousand and one.

- Okay, okay.
- Thank you.

I was working in Riverside
near the university.

Taking classes during
the day, working at night.

Ooh, I loved being there.

I could've done this for a living.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

And Marshall comes in with his students,

like, every Friday night,

which I start really looking forward to.

... into the real.
That's when the truth...

I got you some extra dumplings.

You're a goddess,
Lois. You're a goddess.

And was Lacan right in his notion

that we are the words we speak?

Lois, are we not the words we speak?

You're a wise woman.

I don't know about that, but I do think

you get the face you earn

and the a*s you work for

as you get older.

Who had the extra chili paste?

You? Oh, you want one, too?

Your kindness is noted.

[LOIS] I love his table.

His students love him.

They light up the place,

- laughing, happy.
- Mmm. Now, where were we?

Cheers, Ms. Lois.

To the end of the day
and the end of the night.

[LOIS] And he would stay
after so we could talk.

We loved it.

Maybe we were the words we speak.

That's good.

Wait a minute,

I saw you on campus
the other day, didn't I?

You... you're a student
there, aren't you?

- I am, indeed.
- Hmm.

My daddy wants me to be a lawyer,

and I'm straining to
be interested. Pre-law.

Why don't you just change
your major to something else?

Like philosophy?

[LAUGHS]

I love philosophy.

I know you do.

- People need it.
- Mmm.

They don't realize it,

but they do.

I am interested in the law,

just not interpreting it,

parsing it, using it.

I would much rather defend it.

You the Lone Ranger
in this mad, bad world.

- You bad, girl.
- Yes.

There is something about

the idea of a woman
with a badge and a g*n.

It's just... powerful.

I agree.

We should go on a date.

- When? What?
- Now.

Right now. Now more than ever, baby.

♪♪ A lifetime could be ♪♪

♪♪ Just one heavenly day ♪♪

♪♪ If I should find... ♪♪

- Ooh.
- [LOIS LAUGHS]

And then we were together.

Nobody looked at me like he did.

♪♪ One half so wondrous as you are... ♪♪

Ooh, ooh.

[LOUIS LAUGHING] Be careful.

I told you I would be
done with this puzzle

before dinner was ready.

You did, you did.

The last piece is never
as much fun as the first.

I think every piece is fun for you.

You know, you should be a detective.

You'd be wasted as a lawyer.

- Maybe.
- Mm-hmm.

[WINE POURS]

You don't want to waste that
little squirrel brain of yours on torts

and depositions, no.

You like to get... underneath that,

you like to root around in the dark...

Ha! Cheers to that.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Mm.

Mm, let me get up there by this food.

It's too hot over there.

Oof. You ready?

[LOIS] And he was so right.

All I've ever wanted

was to live in a universe of order.

Solve all the chaos.

I don't, I don't know
how he knew that about me

right away, but he did.

Truth is, I know what it is now. I'm...

hypervigilant.

I see everything, everywhere.

It's no fun.

You listen to me.

You be on guard to be careful

about what love can do.

It can turn a soft soul
hard or a hard soul soft

when it needs to be brutal.

[MERRITT] That makes
me sad for you, Mommy.

It is sad.

But it's also survivable.

God. All of it.

All of it's survivable.

I just don't know whether
or not that's a good thing.

So, what? You just...

You-you curl up like a pill bug and...

and die?

Sometimes, obviously.

Well...

I know I'm not allowed to, um,

speak of your drinking,

uh, but does that apply to, um,

all love or...

just romantic love?

If you're asking me if I love you,

most days I do.

And even when I can't,

I want to.

- Stop drinking.
- Stop eating.

- [VEHICLE APPROACHING]
- [GASPS SOFTLY]

[VEHICLE DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

[DOOR CREAKING]

♪♪ ♪♪

[HOSPITAL MONITOR BEEPING]

[FLATLINING]

[PHONE RINGING]

[MERRITT] Mom. Mom!

Answer the phone. That could
be the hospital calling about Dad.

[MUTTERS]

Hello?

[CRANBURN] Lo, it's Cranburn.

[SIGHS]

It's five, we have another body.

Text me where.

[TIRES SCREECH]

Mmm.

f*ck me.

Y-Yep.

Let's do it.

[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]

[OFFICER] I don't know.
It's like a Frankenstein.

How did they even get
in there to do that?

Just slow down, Officer. Would you?

The doors, the exits are closed inside.

There's no signs of B&E.

I got it.

[MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYING
LOUDLY IN SPANISH]

Okay.

- [OFFICER] What is it?
- [SHUSHES]

Let me think.

[MARIACHI MUSIC CONTINUES]

Who are they?

- [OFFICER] Who are... ?
- The body parts.

Son, who do they belong to?

Um, we don't know. We don't know.

The DNA will take a few days.

Can somebody cut that music off?

And these f*cking lights! Jesus!

We're working on it right now.

We have to locate the
controls somewhere...

[CRANBURN] Lois, it's
a, it's a crime scene,

- you can't just...
- [MUSIC STOPS]

Lois, you cannot be here.

Not like this.

I can't be here?

Can this be here, Jack?

'Cause it is.

That sh*t is real.

And it's right in
front of our eyes, Jack.

You are not in control.

You reek of vodka, which is hard to do.

Lo. Stay away.

Go home. Sleep it off.

I'm sorry, but I have
a duty to the force,

to the community.

Exactly who in the community
do you have a duty to, Jack?

Huh?

Jessica Holt?

Is that who you're talking about?

You got a duty to her?

Drea Rhymes? Nini Lynn-Taylor?

- Danny Cotter?
- W-What... ?

- Who-who are you talking about?
- Them!

The body parts.

How dare you not know who they are!

[SOBS SOFTLY]

Drea...

was a part of the
Broadside Motel crew...

Pimp had gotten physical with her,

she was afraid.

She came in, you took
the goddamned report.

And then what did you do, Jack?

You locked her up!

She came to you for help.

How do you know... ?

Jesus, Jack, she had
a tattoo on her ankle,

cherry blossoms.

A symbol of transience, fleeting beauty,

the f*cking irony.

That's her leg.

♪♪ ♪♪

Danny Cotter used to wander all the time

between 7th and Camino,
looking for dope.

I shot that boy up with Narcan

more times than I can even count.

Told me how he got
the scar on his chest.

Had open heart surgery
when he was a baby.

Six months old.

Mitral valve.

Rheumatic fever.

Nini.

All the girls went to her
for ink, for piercings.

She used to say to me all the time,

"Officer Tryon, give
your husband a thrill,

let me pierce you down you-know-where,"

and I said, "Child, no.

The only reason I'm saying that is

'cause my man don't
deserve a damn thrill."

And you want me out of here?

For the community, Jack?

You don't know the community!

[QUIETLY] And you
don't love these people.

You would just as soon wait three days

for the DNA to come
back, tag 'em all "Does,"

throw 'em in a mass grave

with a headstone made out of concrete

'cause they ain't worth
the price of a rock to you!

Mm-mm.

Then go home.

You go home and you watch the news

and you see what's going on elsewhere

that's so bad... so, so bad.

But what about right here, Jack?

That's how you love the community.

You.

- Did you get all those names?
- [OFFICER] Yes, ma'am.

I want to know every
person that they spoke to

in the last two weeks.

I want pictures of everything.

I want it tagged and bagged
and on my desk in an hour!

- Do you understand me?
- [OFFICER] Yes, ma'am.

The monster is out there,

and after the night he had,
he's tired as a m*therf*cker.

And he is slow right now,

so we might be able to catch him.

So move!

Move, people!

You heard her.

Move, people.

[SIGHS]

[SWALLOWS]

I apologize...

for my hostility.

No, I f*cking don't.

Stop pouting, Jack,
'cause you know I'm right.

You know it.

♪♪ ♪♪

Come on, Sister, we're up.

[LOIS] What do all these
cases have in common?

These are all well-known
sex workers in town.

I mean, all of you have collared
them at one point or another.

Do you have collective amnesia?

With all due respect,

what the hell is the nun doing here?

Is she a confidential
informant or something?

Because she has the insights we lack.

Or you lack.

It's because you're not
using your imagination,

you're always two steps behind.

Sister, you have the floor.

Preach.

[MEGAN] k*lling

as an art form.

This is a language he uses, an essay,

taking something from his unconscious,

making it real so we can
use language to describe it.

- Read Lacan.
- Exactly.

- Bingo.
- I'm sorry, read who?

[MEGAN] We need to decode
the language he's speaking,

and then we'll have him.

Think of it as hieroglyphics.

The bodies, and what's on them.

- Bam. Exactly.
- The tattoos.

On the shoulder, a shamrock.

The arm, another clue.

A lily. Two flowers.

One, the symbol of mourning.
The other, the symbol

of the Father, the Son
and the Holy Spirit.

Are you hearing this?

People, are you... do you
see what she is saying?

By their ink alone,

I can tell who every
recidivist in this town is.

[SCOFFS] If I could,
all of you I would fire

for not recognizing those people.

Okay, Lo, I admit, we're lagging.

It's a surgeon.

A coroner, s...

Someone who knows anatomy.

And knows how to sew. [STAMMERS]

A trauma surgeon, a-a medic.

Check the Army and Air Force bases.

And it's someone who knows me.

[MEGAN] Detective
Tryon is being taunted.

- [HANOVER] Explain, please.
- Oh, Jesus.

Because of my relationships
with the sex workers.

I've helped all of them.

I've... driven them to clinics,

taken them to detox,
fought for, advocated for,

protected them even when
I was arresting them.

This is known by him.

He has a...

deep contempt for me.

[MEGAN] He hates sex.

It's filthy, steeped in sin.

He's a cleaner, a prophet,

trumpeting the coming of the end.

- Bam.
- [SLAPS TABLE]

[WHISPERS] Listen to her.

[HANOVER] Lois?

Find the surgical thread he used.

Who supplies it?

What size was the needle?

How did he get his construction there?

How did he hang it?

Check warehouses. You got to...

find connections.

Sniff it out. Smell it.

Unravel the string.

[MEGAN] Lois?

[SNIFFLES]

Come on, Chief. How much more

before this becomes an I.A. issue?

[GRACE] More like an A.A. issue.

Did you smell her? She reeked.

And why is the creepy nun
all over it all the time? Why?

Who's this Lacan person?
Does anyone know who he is?

Yeah, he's a f*cking French philosopher.

Dead. So he didn't do it.

- Don't you know anything?
- [HANOVER] Jesus,

you are all so eager to get rid of her.

Her husband is in a coma.

And guess what? She's right.

She's being taunted by this k*ller.

She is Lois Tryon.

She has closed more
cases than all of us.

Show some g*dd*mn respect.

- Yeah, but she's sick, so...
- She needs our support.

Maybe she'll solve this case.

She's a once-in-a-lifetime detective,

and you'll miss her when she's gone.

Bye. Dismissed.

f*ck off. Go.

♪♪ ♪♪

[BISHOP] Charles, dear boy,
you've done wonderful work.

It's not that.

It's more granular and nuanced.

It's a matter of where

your energies can be better focused.

The morbidity of the
reporting, it's too much.

We would just like to put the
newspaper to bed for a bit.

I think that this is exactly
the wrong moment for that,

- Bishop, Mother Superior.
- [COFFEE POURING]

- [THUDS]
- Have you seen the throngs?

The readership mushrooming?

Bill, you've seen the
subscriptions multiply.

This paper is profitable, finally.

First time in decades.

These stories are pornographic.

Exactly, and what's so bad about that?

Nobody but us is discussing
the implications of all of this.

Politicians win by capitalizing

on the great fears within the populace.

The Church used to do this, by the way.

Quite effectively, I might add.

You burn a witch,
people flock toward you,

and then everyone is trembling
before the doors of the Church!

Maybe he's right, you know?

The numbers are proof, in a way.

Donations up, attendance is up.

And the newspaper's driving that.

This desert town,

military bases,

farm workers, retirees,

it's low hope, it's low
income, it's low support.

And here we are.

We don't stop publishing.

We publish more.

Maybe a Spanish edition.

That's not a bad idea.

Charlie here makes a lot of sense.

We tell them more than the local papers

and the local news does.

[PRIEST] My neighbor Rabbi Chabon,

he said his congregation Beth
Shalom are all reading it.

Maybe because we offer

exactly the kind of blinding
vision that we should be,

and that no one else is.

Because make no mistake,
these murders are parables.

They are.

Proverbs 4:25-26.

"Let your eyes look straight ahead.

[PANTING]

Fix your gaze directly before you

and give careful thought
to the paths for your feet

and be steadfast in all of your ways."

[BOOK CLOSES]

Do you have any notes, Bishop?

Okay, then, keep going.

Cast your bread upon the waters, son.

But with a little less relish, perhaps?

[CHUCKLES] I'm s... I'm so sorry.

Less relish?

Yes.

No.

No, more.

With all due respect,

if the Church does not modernize,

it will die, Bishop.

Spinning classes online.

OnlyFans for the God-fearing.

For couples of faith, perhaps.

[KEYBOARD CLICKING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

♪♪ Ave ♪♪

♪♪ Maria... ♪♪

[PHONE VIBRATING]

- [CHARLIE CLEARS THROAT]
- Oh. Hello there. Salutations.

- It's Sister Megan.
- Yes, I know that

from your caller I.D. that popped up.

Oh, right. I'm a
ding-a-long. Of course.

Sorry, Father.

How can I help you, good Sister?

Um, well...

Gosh, golly, I'm working
on tomorrow's story,

and let me tell you, it's a pip.

A k*ller story.

She's got puns. Give me the headlines.

Um, sure, okay.

That's why I'm calling. There are things

I want to publish here,
and, I mean, it's something.

- Something...
- Uh, graphic.

Not for the squeamish.

I feel it's heretically controversial,

and I need to know I won't
get fired if I run this.

An example, please.

I'm not a mind reader
nor a mystic, Sister.

Um, sure, okay.

Hold onto your Communion wafers,
Father, this is bold stuff.

"At the crime scene,

bodies of dismembered
sex workers were arranged

in a terrifying tableau.

Male and female hookers
on the stroll... "

I like that. That's very clever.

[MEGAN LAUGHS SOFTLY] Um...

Me, too. Um...

"... hookers on the stroll were snatched

from their street corners
or darkened Internet spots

of sin and shame, slaughtered

and then arranged in a stomach-churning,

Catholic mise-en-scène."

- Are there any suspects?
- Yes, um,

Lois strongly believes, and I concur,

that a freakado doctor or nurse or medic

is-is involved here,

someone specializing
in surgical precision.

Interesting. There's precedent for this.

"Precedent"?

In the 1980s,

I believe, in New York City,

there was a medical professional

who came under great investigation

connected with the West Village murders.

It was a horrible case.

All the victims were members
of the h*m* community.

They were viciously tortured...

before being stabbed.

Strange fellow, this...

murderous man, he was a sodomite nurse.

Oh, yes, yes.

An anesthesiologist who
specialized in spinal taps.

Oh, and did you know, Father,

this Cruising k*ller was actually

featured in the movie The Exorcist?

That's a great movie,
it's one of my faves.

He was the one the director hired

to give Regan her spinal taps.

This is great reporting, Sister.

Um, what I'd like you to do

is bring a hard copy
for me to redline in one hour.

And, um...

This is great, Sister.

You're doing God's work.

[LINE BEEPS]

[DOOR CREAKS OPEN]

[DOOR CREAKS CLOSED]

[FLOORBOARDS CREAK]

♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

[CHARLIE] Come in.

Would you mind closing
that door, please?

Well, that was quick.

Is that a Bioré pore
strip on your nose?

[CHUCKLES]

Cleanliness is next to godliness.

Isn't that what they taught us?

Mm-hmm.

Is that the article?

For my approval?

Yeah.

Here.

If I may be so bold...

We have that in common.

Why did you have me deliver
this story in person?

I could have emailed it to you.

This is excellent.

This is incredible.

- Gripping.
- [MEGAN CHUCKLES]

Maybe I like seeing your angelic face.

It lifts my spirits.

Would you mind?

Drying my back?

♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

[SHUDDERS]

- [CHARLIE CHUCKLES]
- [MEGAN PANTING]

Let's go to the press with this.

You have my permission.

[MEGAN MOANS]

[WHISPERS] Sister.

Sister...

No... no.

[MEGAN MOANING]

No!

"For all that is in the world,
the desires of the flesh,

the desires of the
eyes, the pride of life

come not from the Father...

but from this world."

♪♪ ♪♪

[SHOUTS, WHIMPERS]

[SHOUTING]

[MOANING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

[SLOSHING, SQUISHING]

Oh, my God.

Don't just stand there gaping!

You're a detective, you
must've seen worse than this.

I can't hold him

and do this at the same time.

What is it? And where is your team?

My team? [LAUGHS]

My team are all spread out.

Spread out and spread thin.

It's a bloody huge bedsore.

We better pray we're
not too late to stop sepsis.

Come and hold him. Hold him!

For God's sake, help me.

God's sake!

[EXHALES]

How come this is first
time you're noticing this?

Because we'll be damned
if we're the only ones

caring for him while you
drink yourself into oblivion.

Jesus!

I can't... I'm gonna be sick.

Now don't you dare vomit
your boozy bile, Detective.

You'll k*ll him if it gets in there.

- [REDD] All right.
- I got to sit down!

No, no, no, not yet.

Not yet, not yet.

I can't. I...

I need to dress this.

All right, I got to dress him.

All right, you can let him down now.

Gently, gently.

[EXHALES]

How could you let this happen?

[CHUCKLES]

[SNIFFLES]

You should be ashamed of yourself.

There she sits, doing nothing.

Simply wringing her alcoholic hands,

weeping vodka-filled tears,

negating any responsibility.

Well, Officer, this is a
tiny, small-town hospital,

and you terrorize the
staff and you berate us.

People flee when you come around.

They flee!

[SOBBING]

So this is what happens

when you bully the people

- trying to help you.
- [GLOVE SNAPS]

The time has come.

The time has come for a talk.

[LOIS SNIFFLING]

[INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT OVER P.A.]

[REDD] I am not unsympathetic.

You, hunted

by this demonic k*ller.

It's hard.

But still...

there are things that
must be accomplished

and I'd like to offer one way.

What is this?

Give me power of attorney over Marshall.

You just can't do it, can you?

Not like this.

Are you insane?

Have you lost your mind?

Why would I?

Because I care about
him more than you do.

And you know that to be true.

So just let him go, hmm?

Walk away.

Nobody will blame you.

Everyone will understand.

[WHISPERS] You're in
an alcoholic's haze.

You should check in to our rehab.

It's just here.



Oh, yes, 28 days

with nothing else but drying out

on your poor addled mind.

Hmm?

- No?
- No.

He's my husband.

I'm not gonna abandon him.

But you already have.

Look, I have my ways.

I could get a court order.

I could get you declared incompetent,

have you held, you'd lose your job.

This case that you're on,

this case that is all
you seem to care about,

as if this k*ller were an atomic b*mb

waiting to be detonated.

He is.

I think you'll sign
this power of attorney.

Or else risk losing so much more...

than our dear Marshall.

[CHAIR CRASHES]

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR SLAMS]

[BIRDS SINGING]

[WIND CHIMES TINKLING]

- [BIRDS SINGING]
- [INSECTS BUZZING]

[SIGHS]

[LIGHTER FLICKS OPEN]

Thank you, handsome.

What's your name?

Ed. Ed Laclan.

But you can call me Eddie.

Eddie.

Something tells me when you're done

with your little ciggy break here,

you're gonna want to
get the hell out of here.

And I don't blame you.

But should you be driving?

Probably not,

but I'm going to anyway.

- Of course you are.
- Of course I am.

- Windows down...
- Mm-hmm.

Hair blowing in the wind.

You know it.

A little Earth, Wind
& Fire on the radio?

[LAUGHS] Don't act like you know me.

I know a little something.

You want to go with me?

Only if I can drive.

[GROANS, CHUCKLES]

Miss Sassy Pants.

Flirting with orderlies.

Whoa, whoa, who is the one flirting?

You are lighting cigarettes in the wind.

And smiling like a cartoon cat.

Mr. Eddie Lac...

- [EDDIE] Laclan.
- Laclan.

Yes.

You are oddly beautiful.

Or beautifully odd.

I can't seem to figure it
out, but I sure want to.

Do you now?

Mm.

And does that line always work?

"Oddly beautiful or beautifully odd"?

- Only when it's true.
- Talk your talk.

[CHUCKLES]

Miss... ?

Lois. Lois Tryon.

[WIND CHIMES TINKLING]

It's like heaven, isn't it?

It sure is.

But we're not allowed out there, Lois.

In that case,

I'm gonna leave, Fast Eddie.

[CHUCKLES]

Listen, I really don't think
you should be driving right now.

I can tell your reflexes
are off a little bit.

I don't want you to have any regrets.

Who doesn't have regrets, Ed?

Come on now.

[RETREATING FOOTSTEPS]

♪♪ ♪♪

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[STEAM HISSING]

[MONITOR BEEPING DISTANTLY]

[DISTORTED CHATTER]

[HANOVER] Lois?

[COUGHING]

Lo?

Mm?

[HANOVER] Lo.

Oh, God...

[CLINKING]

Am I actually handcuffed?

You were arrested.

Blood alcohol 13.

Highway patrol found
you on Pearl Blossom.

Oh, God.

I'm trying to make it go away.

Why would you do that?

'Cause none of the other assholes
at the precinct can solve this one.

- [KNOCK AT DOOR]
- [DOOR OPENS]

Hello, ma'am.

I have something for you
that looks like it's meatloaf.

Enjoy.

I have to go and try and
explain to highway patrol

why this should go away.

So, congratulations,
you've managed to do

what countless bribers
and politicos couldn't:

You turned me dirty.

[GROANS SOFTLY]

Damn it.

[EDDIE] Ouch, that was
rough. How you doing?

Notice I didn't say "I told you so"?

You just got here.

There's a keyring in my
purse. It has a cuff key on it.

Use it. I'm police.

I just figured that one
out. Yeah, thank you.

An you want me to be complicit
in a crime with you too now?

Tell me,

why should I help you?

I'm trying to catch a k*ller.

On the hunt, huh? That old excuse.

Yeah.

Try something else, Sassy Pants.

Come on.

Fast Eddie.

- "Fast Eddie."
- Please?

- [CHUCKLES]
- Help a sister out.

[SIGHS]

I am such a sucker for
you problem child types.

There's just something about you.

- Powerless.
- [HANDCUFFS CLICKING]

Totally powerless.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

Um...

Can you help me get out of here?

Help you get out of here?

If you make it quick.

Because any moment, some
as*h*le's gonna barge in here...

with a lot of orders, and
a bunch of testosterone.

And that's just the candy-striper.

Now, where are your clothes?

Over there.

- Hmm.
- Okay.

Need any help getting that on?

I do not.

I just, um, if you could...

turn around, I got it.

All right.

And don't peek.

["THAT'S THE WAY OF THE WORLD"
BY EARTH, WIND & FIRE PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

♪♪ ♪♪

[LOIS AND EDDIE LAUGHING]

[LOIS SQUEALS]

- [EDDIE] Come on.
- [LOIS] I'm coming.

Let's get out of here.

After you.

♪♪ Hearts afire creates
love desire... ♪♪

You really are a gentleman, aren't you?

You have no idea.

[LAUGHS]

♪♪ Hearts afire creates love desire ♪♪

[DELIGHTED SCREAM]

♪♪ Higher and higher to
your place on the throne ♪♪

♪♪ We come together
on this special day ♪♪

♪♪ Sing our message loud and clear ♪♪

♪♪ Mmm ♪♪

♪♪ Looking back, we've
touched on sorrowful days ♪♪

♪♪ Well ♪♪

♪♪ Future, past, they disappear ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, ah ♪♪

♪♪ You will find, you fill find ♪♪

♪♪ Peace of mind, yeah ♪♪

♪♪ If you look way down
in your heart and soul ♪♪

♪♪ And don't hesitate 'cause
the world seems cold ♪♪

♪♪ Stay young at heart ♪♪

♪♪ Ah, 'cause you're
never, never old at heart ♪♪

- ♪♪ Never, never ♪♪
- ♪♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪♪

- ♪♪ That's the way ♪♪
- ♪♪ That's the way ♪♪

- ♪♪ Of the world ♪♪
- ♪♪ Of the world ♪♪

- ♪♪ Plant your flower ♪♪
- ♪♪ Gonna plant your flower ♪♪

♪♪ And you grow a pearl ♪♪

♪♪ Child is born with a heart of gold ♪♪

- ♪♪ Way of the world ♪♪
- ♪♪ Gonna plant your flower ♪♪

♪♪ Makes his heart so cold ♪♪

♪♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ha, Lord ♪♪

♪♪ Can't you see me, y'all? ♪♪