03x05 - 5. Winter

[bunniefuu]

♪ Going outside ♪

♪ Shoveling snow in the driveway ♪

♪ Driveway ♪

♪ Taking our shoes ♪

- ♪ Riding a sled down a hillside... ♪
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]

♪ Hillside... ♪

[TORI SIGHS]

♪ Can you say what you want? ♪

♪ Can you say what you want to be? ♪

♪ Can you be what you want? ♪

♪ Can you be what you want... ♪

What time is it?

Seven.

I only slept for, like, two hours.

Same.

You worried about today?

No, I'm just... thinking about
what presents I'm gonna get.

I hope I get a soul.

I hope I get good mental health.

I hope I get a mum who
can regulate her emotions.

I hope I get grandparents who
don't comment on my weight.

I hope Dad remembers to
properly season the turkey.

He won't.

Yeah, he won't.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

[CHARLIE SIGHS]

[TORI SNIFFLES]

♪ Silent night ♪

- ♪ Holy night ♪
- [WIND WHISTLES]

- [CHARLIE] Gonna beat you.
- I'm so close!

- I always do.
- No.

You're always trying.
Come on, come on, come on!

- [TORI] No!
- Yes!

Um... are you two getting dressed?

Yeah, in a minute.

Don't take too long. Everyone
will be arriving soon.

[CHORAL "O COME, ALL
YE FAITHFUL" PLAYING]

She's always grumpy when Grandma
and Granddad are coming round.

And yet she still invites
them every Christmas.

- [INDISTINCT CHATTERING, LAUGHTER]
- [UPBEAT CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING]

[CAMERA CLICKS]

I think you and Nellie are
gonna be best friends. Right?

- [HENRY WHIMPERS]
- Yeah? Good boy.

[NOTIFICATION WHOOSHES]

[CHARLIE] Henry is the
cutest dog I've ever seen.

I need to meet him immediately.
Also, happy Christmas, I love you.

[EXHALES SHARPLY, SIGHS]

[CELL PHONE DINGS]

- [NICK] Henry says hi. Say hi, Henry.
- [HENRY WHIMPERS]

[NICK] Happy Christmas. I love you too.

You can come over and meet
him any time if you want.

I know you've been stressed about today.

If it gets too much, there's a
little guy here who needs hugs.

[CELL PHONE VIBRATES]

By "little guy who needs
hugs," I did mean Henry,

but, actually, that applies
to me as well, so, yeah.

You're still looking a
bit skinny, aren't you?

I thought you were getting
all that mess sorted out.

- Um...
- Uh...

Oh no, Victoria. Why did
you cut all your hair off?!

Let's get you a drink, hey,
Mum? A beer for you, Dad?

- Yeah.
- Come through.

[GRANDMA] There'd better be champagne.

None of that cheap stuff from last year.

- Charlie!
- Oliver!

You've gotten so big!

Merry Christmas.

- [OLIVER] Merry Christmas.
- What did you get?

[OLIVER] I got loads of
tractors. What did you get?

[CHARLIE] I got some socks,
some shoes, a tuner, and...

and a PlayStation.

It's okay if you're feeling stressed.

Geoff said that it
was completely normal.

We can always try the
breathing exercises

that he suggested. You know, the...

- [INHALES SLOWLY]
- I'm fine.

[MUM] Everything okay?

- [DAD] Yeah, fine.
- Okay. Good.

- Um, come and sit down.
- Yeah. Yeah?

- Yeah.
- All right.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

- [UNCLE] Cheers.
- [DAD] Cheers.

- [MUM] Cheers.
- [GRANDDAD] Cheers.

[GIRL 1] Merry Christmas.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING, LAUGHTER]

- [GIRL 1] Do you want some gravy?
- [GIRL 2] Yeah.

[GIRL 1] Any roasties, sis?

- [MUM] Wine?
- [GRANDMA] She's offering you wine.

[CELL PHONE DINGS]

- [MUM] How's the turkey?
- [GRANDDAD] Lovely.

- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Charlie, you need to tell us about
your boyfriend. What's his name?

- Nick.
- How long you been going out?

Uh... eight months?

[GIRL 2] Oh, wow.

What about you, Tori? Any
lovely men in your life?

- No.
- [GIRL 2] You're not missing out on much.

Straight boys are the absolute worst.

- Let's hope this one turns out better.
- He might not end up being straight.

You're so right.

When did you realize you were g*y?

[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY] Uh...

How's everyone doing down
here? Everything okay?

- [GIRL 1] Yeah.
- [GIRL 2] Great, thanks.

- [SIGHS] I'm fine.
- We're fine.

Okay.

[CHARLIE SIGHS]

Stop getting up.
They're fine down there.

I... I think she's just worried.

Can't I just try and have a normal...

[SIGHS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- [CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING]
- [LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

- You know Dad's not coming?
- Maybe he will. Maybe he won't.

He won't. He always says he's
gonna pop in, then he never does.

Stop acting like you know everything.

[CHAIR SLIDES BACK]

[SIGHS] Ever since your boyfriend
became mentally deranged,

you've been acting like
the savior of the Earth.

- Don't say that about Charlie.
- I get it.

He wants attention, he stops eating,

you have to be the
hero who saves the day.

Can you just shut the f*ck up?

[SIGHS]

[DOOR OPENS]

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- [CELL PHONE BEEPS]

["ARE YOU OK?" BY WASUREMONO PLAYING]

♪ Hey! ♪

[CELL PHONE VIBRATES]

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

What do you think?

Oh, you look handsome.

- Come and use those big, strong muscles.
- [CELL PHONE BEEPS]

- Help me move the table. [LAUGHS]
- [DARCY CHUCKLES]

♪ All my life... ♪

- [GRANDMA] Come on.
- I'm coming!

♪ Elongated smiles and all... ♪

- [GRANDMA] I can't pick this up.
- One second.

School prefect. Oxford.

You're gonna do wonderful
things and make us all so proud.

[CELL PHONE DINGS]

♪ Well, you got to be brave ♪

- ♪ To be out of style... ♪
- [CELL PHONE VIBRATES]

♪ So-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ All I wanna say is ♪

- ♪ Are you okay? ♪
- [CELL PHONE VIBRATES]

- ♪ Are you okay? ♪
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

- ♪ Are you okay? ♪
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ All I wanna say... ♪

- [TAO] Oh, I think I'm gonna explode.
- [DING]

I ate too much. I need
something cozy and not tight.

- [TAO SIGHS]
- ♪ Are you okay? ♪

- ♪ Oh-oh-oh... ♪
- [TAO] There we go.

- ♪ And I love the seaside... ♪
- Yep. There, there, there.

- ♪ Where the dogs bark-bark... ♪
- [TAO SIGHS CONTENTEDLY]

That's so nice.

What? Enjoying the view?

What if I was?

Some might say you fancy me.

What if I do?

I wonder what we'll do?

[ELLE] Oh!

You do?

♪ So-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
-oh-oh-oh-oh... ♪

- [TAO] Wait. Glasses. Glasses.
- Okay.

♪ All I wanna say is ♪

♪ Are you okay? ♪

[ELLE GRUNTS, SIGHS]

Uh... [HESITATES]

Sorry, was that... was that, um...

- Sorry.
- It's fine.

- [SIGHS] Shall we... shall we go for a walk?
- Yeah.

[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]

- [GIRL 2] He always wins.
- How are you doing anyway, Charlie?

Uh, doing okay, thanks.

It's a relief you could come
back for Christmas, isn't it?

Can't imagine what Christmas
would be like in a place like that.

Uh... they... they
decorated it for Christmas.

It was really helpful, actually, so...

Oh, yeah, of course. You just
hear horror stories, don't you?

White walls, straitjackets, all that.

Did you meet anyone, like,
really crazy in there?

You're not supposed to say that.

[UNCLE] We're just happy
that Charlie's back to normal

and back with us.

I'm gonna get a drink.

He seems great.

As if nothing ever happened.

[TORI SIGHS]

- [MUM] I'm sorry, Charlie. Try to ignore.
- [SCOFFS]

Not everybody understands
what you've been dealing with.

So I just have to put up with
ignorant comments from family?

We just need to get through the day.

We'll have some tea later,

but that's not for a couple
of hours. How about a snack?

Is there a snack on
your meal plan for today?

Stop pestering me about food.

Charlie, why don't we
just go play Mario Kart?

- Oliver wanted to...
- I'm just aware

that today has been a very
difficult day for you, Charlie.

You only managed half your dinner.
The dietician said that's a concern.

You're not helping. You're
making me feel worse.

- Fine. Well, I'm... I'm sorry I even tried.
- [CHARLIE SIGHS]

- [TORI BREATHING SHAKILY]
- [STOMPING FOOTSTEPS]

I'm going to Nick's.

Please don't.

I just can't deal with all of that.

Can't you at least
spend Christmas with me?

You spend all your time with Nick.

He treats me as something
other than mentally ill.

[EXHALES SHAKILY]

I do too.

Sorry. I...

I... I'll see you later.

[DOOR SLAMS]

- [PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
- [SIGHS SADLY]

- Hey.
- [CHARLIE] Hey.

Where's your coat?

- ♪ I cut all the bruises off the peach... ♪
- [CHARLIE SOBS]

- ♪ Not as beautiful... ♪
- Sorry.

- I had an argument with my mum.
- ♪ But still as sweet... ♪

Wanna talk about it?

♪ There you go again
with all your needs ♪

♪ What did it ever have to do with me? ♪

[WOLF WHISTLING]

- I take it this is the boyfriend, then?
- [LAUGHTER]

Merry Christmas! Are you coming
in? We don't bite. Promise.

- Yeah.
- Yeah? Okay.

[DIANA LAUGHS]

[BELLS JINGLE]

[NICK] Um...

- Probably a little bit big.
- I don't care. I'm so cold right now.

[NICK CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Can you turn around while I change?

Oh. Uh...

Yeah. Um...

Yeah, course.

[BELT JANGLING]

Okay.

- All done.
- [NICK] Oh!

You look... adorable.

- I look ridiculous.
- Ridiculously adorable.

- Mwah! Mm. [KISSING]
- [CHUCKLING]

[NICK SIGHS HAPPILY]

[CHARLIE SIGHS]

[NICK] Sure you don't
wanna talk about it?

I just wanna have a nice day.

[NICK] Okay.

Let's do that, then.

Come on.

Merry Christmas.

- Good to finally have you.
- Good to be here.

- [NICK] Everyone.
- [GASPS]

Look out. All right, I'm
gonna take your glass.

Okay. Hello, Henry.

- Oh!
- Merry Christmas!

♪ ... suddenly so clear to me ♪

♪ So clear to me ♪

[FEMALE SINGER VOCALIZING]

[FEMALE SINGER VOCALIZING]

- We've not kissed like that in so long.
- Yeah.

We should probably go back down now.

Yeah.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Good idea.

- Yes!
- [CHEERING]

It's gonna go.

- Oh!
- Nick!

♪ Standing on the side of the road... ♪

- Great.
- Toast is good, yeah?

- It's really good.
- Yeah.

That's the deal though.

[CHUCKLING] Oh right. Thought so.

[TRUMPETS PLAYING EERILY ON TV]

[WOMAN ON TV] Taxi!

[CELL PHONE DINGS]

[WOMAN ON TV] Thanks for nothing,
Space Man. See you in court!

[CELL PHONE VIBRATES]

- [MAN ON TV] Donna!
- [TIRES SCREECH]

[HEAVY RAIN PATTERING]

[THUNDER RUMBLES GENTLY]

[DAVID] Did he text you?

[NICK] Dad? No.

You know you got a real family who
actually wanna hang out with you.

You know, Dad is family.

I think family are the people
who actually give a sh*t.

Merry Christmas.

You left me to fend for
myself against our cousins.

Oliver's in a bad mood because no
one will play Mario Kart with him,

and I think Mum might
be willing to apologize.

As wild as that sounds.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING, LAUGHTER]

I hate Christmas.

You don't.

I hate this one.

[CHARLIE SIGHS]

I worry about you all the time.

Did you know that?

I get that you're
scared of being a burden.

We just wanna be there for you.

You have to let us.

And not just say you're
fine when you're not.

I just wish we could rewind
and start today all over again.

[WISTFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

- Well, there's always New Year's Eve, huh?
- [HENRY PANTING]

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Hey, buddy. Hey.

[SIGHS] Hey, I'm sorry about earlier.

- I just...
- Tao...

I don't wanna do anything unless
you also wanna do... things.

I mean, I think about it, like,
all the time. Not all the time.

A respectful amount
of time that one thinks

about one's girlfriend that way.

- I'm gonna stop talking.
- Tao...

I also want to do things.

It's just... more complicated for me.

I don't really think about you being
trans, if that makes it easier...

I know, but...

I am trans, and it's a big part of me.

I never imagined finding a boyfriend

and... and feeling so safe with
him that I'd even think about, like,

taking my clothes off in front of him.

And when you put your hand there...

[DISQUIETING MUSIC PLAYING]

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

... all my dysphoria just hit me.

It made me feel like my
body wasn't my body, like...

like I wasn't there at all.

[MUSIC FADES]

- I'm sorry.
- [TAO] Hey.

Don't be sorry.

There's no pressure.

I'm sorry I made you feel like that.

It's okay. I... [CLEARS THROAT]

I know we haven't really
talked about this before, so...

It's hard to talk about.

I love you.

I love everything about you.

And whatever you wanna
do or not do, it's okay.

I still wanna be with you.

Come here.

[ELLE SIGHS]

How about while I walk you home,

we can talk a bit more about
what you're comfortable with?

- [CHUCKLES] Okay.
- Okay?

- [ELLE CHUCKLES] Okay.
- Okay.

Okay.

Let's go.

[PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[PENSIVE MUSIC CONTINUES]

- [TINKLING]
- [CHARLIE] How are you...

- Stop it!
- [CHUCKLING]

- I'm in second place!
- You're in second already!

- No!
- Stop!

- Yes, Oliver!
- I'm gonna do it to you.

Yes, sabotage. Go on!

[OLIVER] Stop!

["TOO MUCH TIME TOGETHER"
BY SAN CISCO PLAYING]

- [FIREWORKS SQUEALING]
- ♪ You don't know any of my friends ♪

♪ We're better off without them ♪
♪ I'm trying... ♪

- [BARKS]
- [NICK] Come on, buddy.

♪ You pulled me up so quick
that I got the bends ♪

- ♪ This must be love... ♪
- Ready?

- [HENRY GRUNTS]
- [DOORBELL RINGS]

- ♪ People say we don't need to rush... ♪
- You ready?

♪ I don't care, you're my first crush ♪

- ♪ We spend too much time together... ♪
- [CHUCKLES]

- Hey.
- Hey.

[GASPS] How is my tiny boy?

- Oh, he's missed you.
- Oh, I've missed him.

- You missed him, buddy?
- Hey, buddy!

You do know you're gonna be my
taxi driver from now on, don't you?

- Really?
- Mm.

Lucky me.

- [EXCITED WHOOPING]
- [POUNDING DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING, LAUGHTER]

- [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY]
- [CHEERING, INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[ELLE GASPS]

- Charlie!
- Charlie!

- [TAO] Charlie!
- Hello!

- [ISAAC] We missed you so much!
- [ELLE] Nick.

- [CHARLIE] It's okay.
- [ELLE] Nice to see you.

[TAO] Come on! We need to dance!

So my art keeps going, like, viral,

then I get a wave of new followers.

- You are so amazing.
- [CHUCKLES] Thank you.

- [IMOGEN SQUEALING]
- [DARCY] Charlie!

- Hello!
- [EXCITED SQUEALING]

[LAUGHTER]

- [TARA] Come dance with us!
- [CHARLIE] I don't dance!

- No!
- [INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[EXCITED WHOOPING]

♪ Enjoy your life ♪

♪ My mother says to me ♪

♪ Enjoy your life ♪

♪ Enjoy your life... ♪

- [GIRL 1] Why don't you ask her?
- Come on.

- Oh, hey, Tara.
- You're a prefect, aren't you?

- Can you talk to Miss Greenwood...
- Sorry, I... I... I've just gotta go.

Uh, sorry.

Hi. Ooh, champagne.

- You gonna drink that?
- Yeah.

It's gonna come up through your nose.

[GIGGLING] Yep. Just like that.

Now it's coming out of your
mouth. Don't. Not on me!

- [BOY] Hey.
- Hey!

- [BOY] You all right?
- Good. You?

- [BOY] I'm all right. Let's dance!
- Let's do it.

[EXCITED WHOOPING IN DISTANCE]

So I've told the others about my
pronouns, but that's kind of it.

I think I just wanna see how
I... how I feel for a bit.

Yeah. [CHUCKLES]

You don't need to rush
to come out as anything.

Just chill and, like, have fun with it.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- I will have fun with it.
- Do.

- Thank you very much.
- Please have fun with it. Cheers.

[NICK] I'm driving, so this...

What is it... ?

Hey, Charlie. How comes you
were off school for so long?

[CHARLIE] Uh...

Sorry, mate. We were actually
just gonna go head outside,

but see you later?

♪ I'm wide open, hmm ♪

- ♪ All yours, baby... ♪
- [GIGGLING]

♪ Come down like a million tonnes ♪

♪ All yours, baby ♪

♪ Flood me with your nervous love ♪
♪ All yours... ♪

Hello.

[VIDEO CAMERA BEEPS]

♪ Come down like a million tonnes ♪
♪ All yours, baby ♪

♪ Now I got my shot glass out ♪
♪ The punch is stickin' ♪

♪ Challenger dark blue ♪
♪ Why do I trust you ♪

♪ When you tell me I'm a good thing? ♪

♪ Girl, I wanna protect you, I do, oh ♪

- ♪ Your eyes destroying me... ♪
- [FIREWORKS SQUEALING]

♪ I'm wide open, hmm ♪

♪ All yours, baby ♪

♪ Come down like a million tonnes

♪ All yours, baby ♪

- ♪ Flood me with your nervous love... ♪
- [TAO CHUCKLES]

I'm gonna get a drink.

♪ Come down like a million tonnes ♪

♪ All yours, baby ♪

♪ Flood me with your nervous love... ♪

Hey.

- Want one?
- [CHUCKLES]

No. I'll be sick.

Oh no. How much have you had?

[CHUCKLES] Hardly any.

[SIGHS] Just...

Me and Tao...

We want to have sex.

Oh my God.

Or, I don't know, do something
more than kissing anyway.

You... don't seem that happy about that.

[SIGHS] I am, but it's a big deal.

I mean, what if he touches me and
I... and I just freak out? [SIGHS]

If you're not ready, babe, then...
you don't have to do anything.

[GROANS SOFTLY] I want to. I really,
really want to. I'm just scared.

I mean, I hate that this is stopping me

from being with him in that way.

[SIGHS] Come here.

You trust him,

and he loves you.

- And... if anything goes wrong...
- [CHUCKLES]

... I'll be here for you.

- And he'll be there for you.
- [SNIFFLES]

I know he will.

[ELLE GROANS]

- I love you.
- [NAOMI] I love you.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE]

I'll probably be ready to go
once the fireworks are done.

That's okay.

I'm pretty tired anyway.

- [GROANS SOFTLY]
- It's nearly midnight.

- Exactly. Need to recharge.
- [CHUCKLES]

Thank you. [SNIFFS]

I'm really glad you're back.

Being without you was

not fun.

Hey.

- How's your night?
- Mm. Better than Christmas.

That's a pretty low bar.

[LAUGHS] Yeah.

Still, managed a whole night
out without a breakdown,

so therapy must be
doing something right.

Maybe it is.

Praise be to Geoff.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

- [NICK CHUCKLES]
- Where are your friends?

Off being fun.

And cheerful.

One day you're gonna
make friends with someone

you actually enjoy being around.

The only person I care about is you.

That won't be true forever.

We'll see.

Almost midnight.

Make sure you've got someone
to kiss! Let's get cracking.

- [INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
- Fireworks?

Fireworks.

[SAHAR TUTS, SCOFFS]

Here we go. We haven't spoken
properly since Halloween,

and now you're here
to kiss me at midnight.

I'm not here for that.

I wanted to apologize for Halloween.

I was being so toxic.

[SAHAR] Oh.

Okay.

I wasn't doing it... for
attention or anything.

I don't really know... what I was doing.

Look,

I don't... [SIGHS]

... wanna be just an experiment to you.

Especially when you know

you're the reason I realized
I was bi in the first place.

["IN MY HEAD" BY NELL MESCAL PLAYING]

- Wait.
- Mm?

I didn't know that.

♪ I nearly found you in a stranger ♪

♪ And he tells me that I'm pretty ♪

♪ But he don't see me as an equal ♪

♪ And I was thinking
of your mom's house ♪

♪ And every picture
that you live in... ♪

[WIND HOWLING SOFTLY]

♪ I wanna crawl inside the photos... ♪

Ten, nine, eight...

[DARCY] There you are. Where'd you go?

Just needed to get away from everything.

Seven, six...

[CHUCKLING] Hiya. Don't worry.
I'm not here to kiss you.

- Just don't want to be alone at midnight.
- [CHUCKLES]

Five, four...

♪ ... start to forget all
the reasons I cried... ♪

Come with me.

Okay.

[BOTH GIGGLING]

Three, two, one!

Happy New Year!

[ALL CHEERING, WHOOPING]

♪ Yeah, I wanted you... ♪

[FIREWORKS CRACKLING]

♪ But you wanted out ♪

- ♪ I bite my tongue... ♪
- ♪ For auld lang syne, my dear... ♪

- ♪ As he pins me down... ♪
- ♪ For auld lang syne ♪

♪ 'Cause I think of you ♪

♪ At your mother's house ♪

- ♪ I look for you in the wrong places... ♪
- Happy New Year.

Happy New Year.

- [FIREWORKS SQUEALING]
- [GASPING]

♪ I don't know how I
could turn this around ♪

♪ But my fingers are blue ♪
♪ Gripping memories of you ♪

♪ 'Cause I care ♪

♪ I still care ♪

♪ I wasn't all right ♪

- ♪ But he turned off the light... ♪
- [SLURPING]

- ♪ Was too tired to talk... ♪
- [SIGHS]

♪ So I built it all up in my head ♪

♪ Was it all in my head? ♪

♪ Was it all in my... ? ♪

♪ You cut me loose ♪

♪ When I hung around ♪

♪ Yeah, I wanted you ♪

♪ But you wanted out ♪

♪ And I bite my tongue ♪

♪ As he pins me down ♪

♪ 'Cause I think of you ♪

♪ At your mother's house ♪

- [MUSIC FADES OUT]
- [FIREWORKS SQUEALING]