Bad Guys, The: Haunted Heist (2024)

[bunniefuu]

Long before

The Bad Guys terrified the city,

hacking,

disguising,

lockpicking,

and fighting our way

to the top of the crime world...

...there lived a maniacal,

legendary, fiend of a crook.

His name was Reginald E. Scary,

and Scary loved loot more than anything

in the whole wide world.

But Scary prized one item

over all the rest.

One of the oldest pieces of loot

in existence.

Empires were built on it,

wars fought over it,

croissants shaped after it.

The Crescent Amulet.

Over time, he grew paranoid

that somebody would steal from him,

the way he stole from others.

He locked himself in,

spending his final days cuddling, adoring,

obsessing over the amulet.

And he made one final vow before dying.

If anyone dared steal

a single piece of his legendary loot,

he'd haunt them...

forever!

All right, guys, what do you think?

It's the perfect Halloween heist.

You want to rob

Reginald E. Scary's mansion?

Uh, no way.

This is just another one of

your excuses to scare us,

like you always do on Halloween.

When have I ever done that?

Stealing a mummy's loot

on Halloween.

Great idea, Wolf. Wolf?

I bet this thing is loaded with booty.

Boo!

Uh-uh! Don't say anything.

We're far from done.

Ah.

I love a pre-Halloween-heist latte.

Eyeball?!

Oh, I got you so good!

And then, there was last year.

-Careful!

-Don't worry. I got this

There's no laser I can't dodge.

Ha-ha! Got it.

Ha-ha! Gotcha!

Okay.

So, maybe I can't help myself sometimes.

This year will be different, I promise.

No one's ever stolen

from Reginald E. Scary's mansion,

so pulling it off on Halloween

would show the whole crime world

that The Bad Guys

aren't afraid of anything.

Wouldn't it be more fun

to stick around here

and hand out broccoli

to unsuspecting trick-or-treaters?

Oh, I love doing that.

They're all,

"Thanks for the candy, mister...

Huh? Broccoli?"

And we're all, "Get out of here, shrimp!"

The amulet is some legendary loot,

but the stories, the lore...

What if the ghost of Reginald E. Scary

shows up and causes trouble?

You can't punch a ghost!

That's a scientific fact.

Oh, come on!

You guys don't believe that stuff, do you?

I don't know.

Westside Wallabies tried to rob this place

and were never seen again.

Rumors.

I bet they botched the heist

and used the legend to skip town

and save face.

Guys, I know

I've fooled around in the past,

but this loot is too legit for pranks.

You in?

It would be a primo steal.

The only thing better than a croissant

is a big, old gem shaped like one.

I can play the role of

someone who isn't scared.

Yeah, obviously, we're in.

Uh, I-I'll stand lookout by the car,

w-while you search this very not scary,

definitely not haunted mansion.

Aw, man!

But I'm already disguised

as the lookout.

Guess we'll both have to do it. Bummer.

We don't need a lookout. Come on.

Now, Scary built this place

as a fortress against thieves.

These gates aren't gonna open themselves...

Huh. L-Lucky gust of wind.

Ooh!

Scary used offset pins on the lock.

Notoriously tough to crack.

But to a boxman like me,

it's like dining on caviar.

And no Wi-Fi.

Not sure this heist needs a hacker.

...this heist needs a hacker.

Uh, is the creepy echo mocking me?

Is the creepy echo mocking me?

It's just an echo.

Then how come your voice isn't echoing?

...your voice... echoing.

Come on, we gotta find the crypt where

legend says Scary died with the amulet.

Guys, it's a statue!

Ew!

Tidy up after yourselves, spiders!

Humans have the weirdest heads.

I'll never get used to 'em.

Look at this. It's him.

The creep's eyes are following me.

It's an optical illusion.

Emphasis on "illusion."

Aha! Let there be light.

Not so spooky with the lights on.

Huh. Place could really use a dusting.

Haunted piano!

-I'm out.

-This music... I can't take it!

It's not haunted.

It's just a player piano.

You know, where you crank it up

and it plays automatically?

Ha! Yeah, bro.

Can't believe you got scared of that.

Hey, ghouls, take the big fish!

-There's more meat on him!

-Hey!

It's worse than the music!

Nuh-uh. No.

The furnace must have turned on

with the lights. See?

I thought we were The Bad Guys,

not the "scared by every little thing

that goes bump in the night guys."

Let's focus.

If Scary really did

hide his amulet in a crypt,

he probably hid the access to it as well.

That's what I'd do.

I'd never pose in chiaroscuro. So tacky.

Wait a minute.

The portrait.

"My loot you'll never claim,

as hidden as my name."

Huh.

Reginald E. Scary...

Reginald E. Scary...

-The heck?

-What is it?

Oh, sorry. I had a thought.

Got a little excited.

What if the "E" in the dude's name

represented a musical note?

Maybe it's some secret key

that will open the crypt.

I went deep undercover

for that jazz heist, remember?

I'll play something in E. Jazz heists.

It's the loot you don't steal

as much as the loot you do.

This must be the way to the crypt.

Ha-ha. Funny, Wolf.

But you promised. No spooky pranks.

I'm not doing it.

It's moving on its own!

Uh, I've never met these intruders before!

I'm on your side.

Wait a minute.

Hey!

-My friend here dares you to battle him.

-No, I don't!

Don't worry. Trust me.

Just trust me. Do it.

I always knew

this gig was a one-way ticket!

The thing was automated,

just like the piano.

Huh. Just a bunch of gears.

It's like tech... without the tech.

- Props.

- Of course!

Scary wasn't gonna leave his mansion

unsecured after he died.

He left security measures in place

that make it seem like it's haunted.

The whole legend of Scary

vowing to haunt whoever stole from him

was probably made up by Scary himself

to spook future crooks from trying it.

I gotta admit,

that's a top-tier con.

It's a smart play.

Too bad we're more smarter-er.

Ha-ha. I said that wrong.

Nah, bro. It's "smarter-est." Duh!

This is it.

The inner sanctum

of Scary's life of crime.

Incredible.

Wow.

The only thing

in my inner sanctum is farts.

That was anticlimactic.

Let's hit the road.

That heist was epic!

I was all, "Take that, stupid axe knight!"

And you were all like,

"Piranha, you're so brave and cool,

and also handsome!"

That did not happen.

Hello?

I can't see anything in all this fog.

You stole from me!

-Wolf, I thought you turned that off.

-He did!

I couldn't help myself!

Happy Halloween, you scaredy-cats!

You guys are babies.

Look at it. It's gorgeous.

What? Oh, you're not still mad

about last night, are you?

You went too far.

Look what you did to me.

You stole my youth!

The most heinous of crimes.

Yeah, I know we're Bad Guys and all,

but I thought even Bad Guys

kept their promises.

Come on!

It was just a little bit of fun.

Focus on the results.

We stole from Reginald E. Scary.

Oh, you're lucky it's some prime-time loot

is all I'm saying.

At least we never have to go back

to that creep's haunted un-funhouse.

You're still afraid? It was all fake.

You make it too easy for me to scare you.

Have some coffee. You'll feel better.

That's weird.

Wolf!

Sorry.

Hey, you all hear the music

from Scary's mansion, right?

What? No.

Although it was kind of an earworm.

How did it go again?

No, no, no. You're wrong.

It was more like...

Nuh-uh. It was more like...

As I was saying, we have the perfect pitch

for our next heist. Shark?

What if we rob...

Ba-da-da-da!

...the dentist!

-Picks!

-Drills!

Gold fillings!

But mostly, those little water cups.

Ooh! Love those tiny sips.

Huh.

You can't get those anywhere else.

Holy Grail of drinkware.

You guys really aren't hearing

that piano music?

Not hearing that?

You're just trying to prank us again.

Not falling for it, mister.

You caught me!

Uh, now, tell me about

this dentist heist again.

First step, rot out our teeth

by eating a lot of candy.

I can't take this! Come on!

Where is it? Where's it coming from?

Where is what coming from?

Buddy, you're losing it.

There's no way.

Uh-uh. No, no.

There's an explanation for this.

Sorry. Nope, nope, nope. Nope!

You don't hear that?

You okay, Wolf?

Seems like you could use some, uh, space.

Hello?

Anybody here?

Hey, listen, I'm sorry I stole the amulet.

I warned you,

but you still stole from me.

Now I steal from you.

It's horrible!

What is it?

You know I need my looty sleep.

Piranha, he's gone!

I heard a struggle, and when I went

to check on him, I found this.

Reginald E. Scary?

The stories were true.

I warned you!

-What did you say?

-I warned you.

This is like what happened

with The Westside Wallabies!

Oh, poor Piranha!

We have to go back for him.

Ever since we stole this... this thing,

I've been hearing music,

having terrible dreams,

and now Piranha's gone?

Look, I'm sorry about Piranha.

I really am. But a give-backsie?

That's the biggest no-no there is

in crime!

If word got out that we gave loot back,

our reputations would be ruined.

I'm sure Piranha's fine.

Piranha!

Oh, we gotta help him.

I sure hope this lucky rabbit's foot

keeps the supernatural at bay.

What stinks?

A silly rabbit's foot? Are you kidding?

I brought something

actually useful against ghosts.

A garlic necklace.

Aren't those for vampires?

Vampires, ghosts, lawyers, baristas,

improv teams, hipsters. Same difference.

Well, check this out.

I call it the Ghoul-ometer.

It'll detect any inter-dimensional,

supernatural presence.

Let's go find our friend.

Wow. Lots of supernatural activity.

Gee, you think?

Piranha, you in here?

Come on out, Fin Bro!

It's just like my dream.

You-know-who is back!

Eat garlic, you haunted piece of junk!

Whoa! Never mind.

Hey, you lousy geared-out sack of bolts!

Why don't you pick on

someone your own size?

I believe.

It worked!

Uh, something's coming

from, uh, up on the balcony!

Piranha?

What are you doing,

floating like that? Like a ghost.

How could you let

Reginald E. Scary take me, Wolf?

Some heists are better left undone.

The little twerp was right.

They're unhittable. Be gone!

Everyone for themselves!

If I replace the amulet, we'll be okay.

Everything back to normal.

Never returned loot.

Feels awful, really bad.

Oh. Hello.

Uh, okay, I-I returned your amulet.

You don't need to haunt us.

All good. Crook to crook.

You've sullied my precious amulet

with your filthy, furry fingers.

Now I must take something in return.

What do you want? I got a nice pair

of sunglasses on me somewhere.

You can have those.

Your crew.

Snake! He got to you too? No!

Webs!

Shark!

You did not heed the legend.

You did not heed my vow.

We are Scary's now.

I'm sorry I got you all into this.

I didn't think

the story of Scary was real.

Really should have made sure, dude.

You could... You could take my soul,

but let my team

go back to their normal lives.

They don't deserve this. Please. Please!

Too late!

No, no, no, no, no! Please!

Got you. LOL.

Wait. What?

Somebody take a picture.

I want to remember

the look on Wolf's face.

Yeah, we got you, bro!

Ha! You were all, "No! Save me!

I'm the scaredy-cat now!"

Now, that's a prank.

It was you? The whole time.

The music, the dream, the ghosts?

Impossible!

Actually, getting you to believe

you were haunted was pretty easy.

First, we planted micro speakers

all around the lair.

Making you feel like it was only you

that could hear the music.

But my nightmare. And you were ghosts.

And Reginald E. Scary?

Making you have a nightmare stumped us,

until Webs figured it out.

Virtual-reality sunglasses.

While you had your nightmare,

we rigged the mansion

with my patented CGI hologram technology.

Sure looks real, doesn't it?

And yours truly rigged the knight

to work without a crank.

While I

put my painting skills to good use.

You should have seen the look

on your scaredy little face, Wolf!

It was priceless!

I can sort of see

why you liked prank-spooking us,

but we couldn't take it anymore.

You broke your promise.

We had to get back at you.

Wow.

Such great lengths,

all for a little prank.

That is the most petulant,

irresponsibly vindictive, petty,

and totally freaking coolest thing

in the world!

You got me good.

I gotta say, it's good.

And if it's any consolation,

I'm sorry I broke my promise

and scared you guys.

I shouldn't have.

Eh, it was kind of sweet of you

to offer yourself

in exchange for our souls.

Hope you learned your lesson, Wolfie.

P.S., My soul is worth three of yours,

not that it matters now.

Come on. Let's get out of here.

Hey, does this thing bring out my eyes?

What?

Scary's revenge!

It was true, after all!

He deserved a noble death,

like being backstabbed

by his snakiest friend.

I missed my chance!

Boo!

Got you again, baby!

Huh?

You thought you could spook

the king of spooking?

Never!

I obviously discovered your little plan.

And I pretended

to freak out so hard,

you all had to leave

for some peace and quiet,

leaving Webs' laptop free for me to learn

the complexities of CGI holograms.

You basically set up all the tech

for me to use against you.

You touched my laptop?

I'm gonna destroy you!

Come on, you love me.

Let's scoot with the loot

and call it a great Halloween.

Guys? Okay, now I'm really scared.