(ominous music)
(ominous music continues)
(car dinging)
(gravel crunching)
(car engine choking)
(door clicking)
(ominous music continues)
(owl hooting)
(gravel crunching)
- f*ck.
(ominous music)
Hey, it's me.
My car quit on me.
I'm up by the lake if you
could come and get me.
(suspenseful music)
(gravel crunching)
Sorry, I, I didn't know
anyone else was out here.
(ominous music)
(woman screaming)
(man cackling)
(ominous music)
(gentle suspenseful music)
(gentle suspenseful
music continues)
(intense dramatic music)
(intense dramatic
music continues)
(intense dramatic music ends)
(birds chirping)
- So, what happened with Dan?
- Ugh.
- Really?
It was that bad, huh?
- He was fine, after
he got a quickie.
- Oh God.
- He's like a horny teenager.
- Well, they usually
are, in the beginning.
- Do you know what
he said to me?
- What?
- Come on, babe, what do
you think it's there for?
It's not an ornament.
- (laughing) God.
Well, that's new.
What'd you say?
- Nothing, I was
too busy laughing.
Oh, hey, I stashed my g*n
in the closet, just FYI.
- Can you just make sure
that the girls don't see it?
Nah, uh, I just don't wanna
freak 'em out, you know?
- Well, what do you think I am,
some d*uche bag waving my g*n
around to impress strangers?
- They're not strangers.
Okay, they're my nieces.
- Yeah, that you haven't
seen in five years.
- [Charity] Three.
- Whatever.
What are we making
for dinner tonight?
- Uh, I don't know.
I was thinking we could just
wait until they get here.
I mean, I never
know who's a vegan,
or who has a gluten allergy,
or whatever the f*ck.
Wait, wait, wait.
All right, to no men and
no internet this weekend.
(bottles clinking)
(mellow acoustic guitar music)
- [Amy] Hey, how far
do you think we are?
- [Kat] About 15 minutes.
- [Amy] Pretty remote.
- [Kat] Yeah, I
like it like that.
- [Amy] I never
thought I'd come.
- [Kat] You were never
the outdoors type.
- [Amy] I hated summer camp.
- [Kat] I loved it.
I always wanted be a
counselor when I got older.
- Why didn't you?
- 'Cause the pay sucks,
but wouldn't have been
about the pay anyway.
So, why did you come out here
if you hate the
outdoors so much?
- Because it's free, and I've
got nothing better to do.
So, does Charity know
what you're up too?
- What am I up to?
- The lake, you
and your obsession.
- Oh yeah, whatever.
Falling down
All too many times
And carry peace
with forgiveness
To settle down
In an old sad song
Fallin' down
- [Amy] Yeah, right, I'm sure.
- Thanks for nothing.
- [Kat] He totally
just flipped us off.
- [Amy] Like that's gonna
make us change our minds.
- f*ck.
(mellow soft rock music)
Seems to care anymore
(mellow soft rock
music continues)
- So we haven't been
up here in five years.
This is, we're going
to our grandpa's cabin
that he won in a poker game.
- It was a tournament.
- Anyways, we
haven't been up here
since Mom and dad got divorced.
- [Amy] And he still
hasn't put the hot tub in.
- [Kat] Yes, he did.
Anyway, this is
what it looks like.
(car rumbling)
- [Amy] All right,
we're getting close.
- Gotta go, bye.
Oh gone
(gravel crunching)
(birds chirping)
(car doors clicking)
(car doors clicking)
(car door banging)
(birds chirping continues)
- Oh, hey.
- Hi.
- Oh, welcome.
- Oh, what a long time.
- It has been.
Okay, Teresa, these
are my, my nieces.
This is Amy, and this is
Kat, but not a real cat.
- Everyone calls me Tree,
but not a real tree.
- [Kat] So, when did
you guys get here?
- This morning.
- It's nicer than I remember.
Amy approved.
- Yes, oh, she
hated summer camp.
She's not the outdoors type.
- At camp, our cabins
didn't look like this.
- Well, okay, well
let's go inside.
Let's go.
(door clicking)
(zipper whirling)
- Now it feels like summer camp.
- No, we get to use
air conditioning
and don't have to ask
to use the bathroom.
- No signal, just
like summer camp.
- You and that phone.
- It's my lifeline.
- [Amy] Not this
weekend it isn't.
(zipper whirling)
- What are you
makin' me for dinner?
- Make you for dinner?
Hey, just an FYI.
Kat's into some
dark and gothy sh*t.
- Ooh, is that right?
- So, we used to bring
'em up here all the time
when they were little,
and there's this guy in town
who used to always talk about
this vampire at the lake.
She got obsessed.
- Well, does he scare
off all the fish?
- Does he scare off
all the fish, really?
So, it's hard to
get to the lake.
I mean, my dad, he used
to say that the locals
were constantly
telling this story
to the tourists just to
keep 'em away, you know?
Just local bullshit.
- [Kat] What bullshit?
- Nothing, we're just
talkin' about tourists.
- Some bum flipped us
off on the way up here.
- [Charity] Was he panhandling?
- It was some dude hitchhiking.
- [Teresa] Oh, was he
wearing a camouflage jacket?
- Yeah.
- [Teresa] I saw that
dude in the store earlier.
- Is he single?
- [Charity] Probably.
- Kat wanted to know.
- Yeah, right.
(Amy laughing)
(birds chirping)
(radio static crackling)
- [Amy] What's for dinner?
- [Charity] Well,
I was thinking.
- [Teresa] Raccoon a la king.
- Hamburgers.
- Yeah, none of that
gluten-free, vegan p*ssy sh*t.
No offense.
- Fine by me.
Can I have a beer?
- Yeah, me too please.
- Only if you promise not to
drive anywhere else tonight.
And no complaining if you throw
up or if you get a hangover.
- Oh, I'll do whatever.
- Okay.
(mellow soft rock music)
(bottles clinking)
- You girls enjoy those beers.
It's part of your
weekend benefit package.
- No wine coolers?
- Hell no.
(Charity laughing)
Such a crowd and
just one kiss
- [Kat] So, where'd you
meet Tree at, anyway?
- Well, I met her at work.
She works in the IT department.
I, we started talking one
day, and the rest is history.
- [Amy] She seems pretty cool.
- She is.
I, uh, she's a little rough
around the edges, you know,
very blunt and not shy,
if you couldn't tell.
- If she's an IT nerd,
then where's my wifi?
- She works on
computers all day.
She doesn't wanna do
that on her day off.
- [Kat] Boo.
- Hey, so, why do
you call her Tree?
- [Charity] Oh, so she had
this boyfriend in college
who used to call her that,
and the name just stuck.
- (sighing) I'd hate to be stuck
with a nickname from
my ex-boyfriend.
(Kat laughing)
(birds chirping)
- Oh, I like that one.
That's a good one.
- [Teresa] Here,
let me take a few
so they don't all
have to be selfies.
- [Kat] Thanks.
- [Teresa] Cheese.
- Send that one to me.
- I can't, no signal.
- Okay, well send it to me when
we get back to civilization.
- Back to civilization.
Like it's so bad out here.
We've got beer.
We've got food.
We've got music.
No men's bullshit.
Life is good.
(bottles clinking)
(girls chuckling)
(ominous music)
(ominous music continues)
(gravel crunching)
(phone dinging)
- If anyone's interested,
this is our grandpa's cabin.
We used to come
here when I was 13.
- Hi.
- [Kat] This seems, this
place seemed so boring.
Now it seems
slightly less boring.
We have no wifi, no satellite,
and we only get two
channels on the TV.
- [Teresa] Oh, first
world problems.
- [Charity] Oh no.
- Yeah, whatever.
I have something else in mind.
- [Teresa] Like what?
- No, Tree, you
don't wanna know.
- No, I do, I wanna know.
What are you gonna do?
Are you gonna go chase deer?
Go sh*t with bear in the woods?
(girls laughing)
- [Kat] You guys suck.
- [Teresa] Not me, dude, I rock.
- [Charity] Says you.
- [Teresa] Yeah, says
me and everyone else.
- Everyone without a pulse.
(everyone laughing)
- [Amy] How are those burgers?
(birds chirping)
- [Charity] Why are
you on your phone?
- She's been trying to get
a signal since we got here.
- I just like staying connected.
- You can get a signal in town,
but you're not gonna
get anything up here.
That's why I like it.
- We do you have a TV right
here in the living room.
- No, it's okay.
I'll survive.
- Will you though?
- Are you trying to
message a gentleman?
- I have no
gentleman in my life.
- Neither do I.
Why do you think I came?
- Actually, we did meet some
single guys in town earlier.
- [Amy] Oh, what'd
they look like?
- No, she's just kidding.
They're old men.
- I think they
are single though.
- No, no, if anyone's
interested in some marshmallows,
yeah, I have some.
- I'm done.
I'm in the mood so sit
around a fire tonight.
- Isn't your entire life
a dumpster fire though?
(girls laughing)
- All right, all right, so good.
- FYI, I am not
cleaning this up.
- That was one.
(Charity laughing)
(birds chirping)
(bag crinkling)
(ominous music)
(crickets chirping)
(animal wailing)
- I think that marshmallows kind
of taste like a
booger in your mouth.
(everyone laughing)
- How do you know
what that's like?
- Speakin' of food, your
burgers, they were overcooked.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- Pretty mediocre.
- I've had better.
- Great, I'm not making dinner
for the rest of the weekend.
You're ungrateful.
- [Kat] But what's
the plan for tomorrow?
- Uh, I don't know.
We didn't come here
with an agenda.
- I mean, what is there to
do around here, except relax?
- Go to the lake?
- [Teresa] Ooh,
that sounds cool.
- No, it's a five-mile hike and.
- It's less cool.
- No, it's a hike.
- [Teresa] What do you wanna
do with the lake anyway?
- What if we go hiking?
- No, no, no, let's
go to the lake.
- She thinks there's
some kind of vampire
that lives up there.
- So, what is this, some
kind of campfire story?
- [Kat] It's not a story.
It's true.
- Okay, don't get her
on that sh*t again.
- No, no, no, no, no,
no, let her finish.
I wanna hear it.
- There's a legend that
one lives at Fireside Lake.
You can summon him,
if you know how.
- How do you do that?
- You stand on the
south shore of the lake,
and you burn a page of the
Bible from the book of Genesis.
- Sure, and then what happens?
- He will appear and
perform a deed for you.
- Oh, like a genie? (laughing)
(everyone laughing)
- No, not like a genie.
He'll either turn you
or k*ll someone for you.
- Well, how do you
know he is not gonna
k*ll you right
there on the spot?
- [Kat] Well, he can't.
- [Teresa] Why is that?
- My name is written in
the book of salvation.
- Here we go.
Look at what you've started.
- The book of salvation?
- Yeah, it's a book blessed
by the Vatican in 1879.
If you write your name
in your own blood,
no vampires can harm you.
- Wow, I didn't know
vampires followed
some kind of code of ethics.
- Where did you get this book?
- At a convention.
After you write your
name in your own blood,
you pass it to someone else,
and I brought it to add
yours, just in case.
- In case of what?
Oh my God, you're
a vampire groupie.
(Teresa, Charity,
and Amy laughing)
- Wait, vampires are real.
- Right.
This explains why you don't have
any gentlemen in your life.
- Ah ha, d*ck.
- No, no, no, no, no,
d*ck is my brother.
I'm Teresa, though he doesn't
like to be called d*ck.
He prefers Richard.
- Okay, okay, okay.
In all seriousness, there
isn't a trail to that lake.
And when I said it was
five miles, I wasn't lying.
It is a grueling five miles.
- Yeah, then you gotta
hike five miles in
and then five miles out.
(owl hooting)
- Okay, let's play this out.
Let's say you go, and
you meet your vampire.
What then?
- Well, according
to my research.
- According to your research.
- He will either turn you
or k*ll someone for you.
- You wanna be a vampire?
- No, I didn't say that.
I just wanna see if it's true.
- Where do you get
all this stuff?
- Old books, secret
groups, the dark web.
You don't just find
this stuff on Google.
- (chuckling) Listen, I'm
gonna be honest with you.
I would love to see this
lake and your vampire,
but I didn't come
this weekend to hike.
I don't wanna think
if I'm not being paid,
and I'm not being paid to think.
- I'm sorry, do you ever think?
That's a thing you do?
- My idea of fun this
weekend is doin' jack sh*t.
- It's a true story, Teresa.
- Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it is.
You can tell me all about it
tomorrow at the next campfire.
Ha.
- Okay, I guess we're leaving.
(wolf howling)
(dog barking)
- Your niece Kat
is one strange cat.
Pun intended.
- Yeah, I don't
know what happened.
- What does she do?
- Well, nothing right now.
Her mom says that she's
on academic probation,
and she's taking a semester off.
- I'll be nicer to her.
I'm just tryin'
to have some fun.
- [Charity] Okay, thank you.
- And I guaran-damn-tee
you she's not gonna
wanna get up in the morning
and do a five-mile hike.
- I don't know.
She seems pretty
damn determined.
She might.
(door creaking)
Okay.
(Teresa yawning)
(fire whooshing)
(paper crinkling)
- So, if you go here
and burn the page,
he's supposed to
appear immediately.
- [Amy] Where'd you get that?
- [Kat] I told
you, secret groups.
There's vampires all
around the world.
- And you really believe that?
- I don't know, but
I wanna find out.
Supposedly if a vampire
puts this around his neck,
he's allowed to walk
in the daylight.
- [Amy] And where'd
you get that?
- At a Vamp Con.
- At a what?
- A Vamp Con.
- A Vamp Con?
- Yes.
- What's a Vamp Con?
- It's like a Comic Con,
but all things occult.
- You cannot be my sister.
- They're very popular.
A lot of people
go, even cute guys.
- Oh, really?
You see any?
Meet any?
- No.
- It's all right.
When did you go to this anyways?
- Um, April.
- You said you were
going to a Comic Con.
- It kinda was.
You said you didn't
wanna go anyway.
- That's fair.
I hate Comic Con.
All the geeks that take
it way too seriously.
- Yeah, some do, but not all.
- Plus the shady
guys that run them.
- [Kat] Are you done?
- No, I just thought
I'd heard of everything.
- [Kat] There's
conventions for everything.
Porn conventions,
medical conventions,
Star Trek conventions.
A lot of people have a lot
of different interests.
- No, I get it.
You dropped a coin to be around
dorks in Halloween costumes.
- [Kat] Don't be a hater.
I enjoyed myself,
and I learned a lot.
That's where I got this.
- [Amy] How much?
- [Kat] Some Chinese
lady gave it to me.
- Chinese people
believe in vampires?
- Vampires are known in many
different cultures
around the world.
So, what do you say?
- To what?
- Coming to the lake
with me tomorrow.
- [Charity] You
know, I feel like
I should probably go with her.
- No, don't buy into this.
- What do you mean?
I don't want her
out there alone.
- She's not gonna want
to get up in the morning.
She's gonna be too lazy.
- [Charity] Yeah, but I feel
responsible for her, you know?
- Your only responsibility
this weekend
is to relax and
have a good time.
- [Amy] So, are you coming
back to school or what?
- [Kat] Yes, only
if you come with me.
- [Amy] Is that a yes, yes,
or are you're just
telling me that yes?
- Yes, and tomorrow we vampire.
- Whatever that means.
- I don't know.
It sounded cool.
- No, it didn't.
- Yes, it did.
(ominous music)
- Are you ever going to
give that thing a rest?
- Is it bugging you?
- You're gonna ruin your vision
staring at that
thing all the time.
- Well, that'll be
my problem, won't it?
- No, it'll be
mine when I'm stuck
taking care of you
when you're old.
- Hey, what do
you think of Tree?
- She's okay, why?
- I think she's kind of douchey.
- [Amy] You're just saying that
'cause she fronted you out.
- Well, yeah.
She doesn't know me well
enough to be making fun of me.
- How long does someone have
to know you to make fun of you?
It's pretty easy.
- Don't be a smart-a*s.
- [Amy] It's better
than being a dumbass.
- You wouldn't know.
Hey, can I borrow your charger?
- It's in the car.
Well, go out to
the car and get it.
- I'm not going out there.
- Well, I'm tired.
I have a headache,
and I'm going to bed.
- Do you think Charity
and Tree are man-haters?
- [Amy] Oh my God,
this is summer camp.
- Well, at least here,
the food won't k*ll ya.
(ominous music)
(birds chirping)
- What?
What time is it?
- It's six.
Let's go.
- You were serious about that?
- Yes, let's go.
Come on, come on.
- Please stop yelling.
I have a hangover.
Just wake me up later.
(birds chirping continues)
(phone dinging)
- So, I'm making this
video just in case
something like
really bad happens.
I'm off to Fireside
Lake by myself
'cause my sister's a loser
and doesn't keep her promises.
It's 6:20 a.m.
Should be interesting.
(door clicking)
(somber music)
(haunting singing)
(bird cawing)
(somber music continues)
- Gone to find a vampire.
See you for dinner.
She's got her day planned.
What's for breakfast?
- What should we do?
- It's five miles
over rough terrain.
She's gonna turn back.
So, what's for
breakfast? (chuckling)
Hey, where are the Pop-Tarts?
- I don't know.
Maybe the girls ate them.
- How many beers did
they have last night?
(haunting singing)
(haunting singing ends)
(bird cawing)
(door creaking)
- Oh, look who it is.
- Do either of you
have any Tylenol?
- Don't tell me you have
a hangover. (laughing)
- Then I won't tell you.
- [Teresa] Hey, how many brews
did you guys suck
down last night?
- Four.
- Really?
So where'd all the beer go?
What?
I can't hear you.
- [Amy] The rest of
the world can hear you.
- [Teresa] Huh?
- The entire world can hear you.
- Huh?
(gentle suspenseful music)
(gentle haunting singing)
(water gurgling)
(phone dinging)
- Hello again, I'm still alive
no thanks to my sister,
my aunt, and her friend.
I've done my research,
and it says if I go to Fireside
Lake on the south shore
and burn the book of Genesis,
a vampire will appear.
Would I be doing this if I had
a normal social life
and a boyfriend?
Probably not.
But what the hell.
Wouldn't be doing anything else.
(creek gurgling continues)
(ominous music)
(ominous music continues)
- So Tylenol, somebody, anybody?
- Check the medicine cabinets.
- Mmm.
(Amy gagging)
(Charity chuckling)
By the way, Kat
left this morning
on her little vampire hunt.
- Seriously?
She did, seriously?
- Mmm hmm.
- I'm gonna check
the medicine cabinet.
- She looks like sh*t.
- I had as much to
drink as she did.
- She'll feel fine after
she takes a shower.
- I hope so.
She looks like sh*t.
- I just said that.
- I know.
(snacks clattering)
(birds chirping)
- [Kat] Hey.
- Hi.
- [Kat] Do you know how
much further the lake is?
- Uh, an hour and
a half that way.
- Beautiful dog.
- [Hiker] Thanks.
Are you meeting
somebody up there?
- [Kat] No, just
going by myself.
- [Hiker] Oh, well, be careful.
- [Kat] All right, thank you.
- [Hiker] All right, bye.
- Thank you.
(gravel crunching)
(phone ringing)
(phone ringing)
- Roller King, this is Rachel.
- [Man] Die, die.
- f*ck off.
(snack crunching)
- The blonde is always
in the beginning.
I bet you her name is Jessica.
- And she's not gonna
run fast enough.
- No, but she's always
the first to run
and the first to get k*lled.
- Of course.
- [Charity] She's
always the first to go.
- Yeah.
- [TV Actress] Wendy the h*.
Alicia, the sl*t.
- Oh wait, there's the redhead.
What do you think her name is?
- Probably Ginger.
It's always Ginger.
(Charity laughing)
(ominous music)
- Okay, would you do the blonde,
or would you do the red hair?
- Mm, Jessica, 100%.
- Really?
- Oh yeah.
- [TV Actress] It's not
the end of the world.
But how was your night?
- I don't know.
I like red hair on a female.
Males, men, not so.
Look, see.
- Yeah, pass.
- No, mm mm, mm mm.
Oh, like that pothead.
He had the nasty beard
and the yellow teeth.
- Oh, the dipshit.
- The dipshit, yeah.
- Ian, Ian.
- Yes, yes.
- I remember him.
- Ian, ugh, gross.
(ominous music)
I heard he's breeding
dogs in his backyard now.
- What a loser.
(snacks crunching)
(phone dinging)
- Hello, this is Kat again.
Been hiking for about
three hours now.
Drank all my water
so that was stupid.
Ran into a hiker.
Said I had about 45 minutes
to an hour to the lake left.
So should be interesting.
I have low juice on my battery
and didn't bring a charger
so that was stupid also.
So yeah, it should
be interesting.
(birds chirping)
(ominous music)
- [Charity] So, are you
gonna go out with him?
- I don't know.
- Feeling better?
- Yeah, look what I found.
Well move, well move.
- Hey.
(book slapping)
- What's this, your diary?
- I don't have a diary.
- Oh, your little black book?
- Stop.
It's okay.
She f*ck with
you, she likes you.
- Not necessarily.
Ow.
Okay, what is it?
- A book, dummy.
It's the book Kat's
been talking about.
- Oh, well that's different.
- Yeah, and if you look on
the last page, you see that?
- [Charity] Oh, I forgot
her middle name was Mary.
- Every Mary I've ever
known is some fat redhead.
- My mom's name is Mary.
She's not fat.
- Ow.
That looks like dried blood.
That's repulsive.
It's like a book
of STDs and A*DS.
- Oh, that's repulsive.
- You know what I think it is?
It's like one of those
vampire fan club books.
- Your sister is
into some weird sh*t.
- What are you telling me for?
- Because you let her get
into this vampire sh*t.
- I let her?
- Yes, you let her.
I mean, you know she's
going through some sh*t.
I mean, you can't help her
at least find a boyfriend
or distract her with
some talentless,
stupid boy band or something.
- Okay, first, that
is a load of crap.
There are a lot of
talented boy bands.
- Yeah, like the Beatles
or the Beach Boys.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- And second, I can't even
find myself a boyfriend.
And third, she's
always been obsessed
with this vampire lore.
It's got nothing to do with me.
- Really?
How clever.
- [Teresa] I say we
use it for kindling.
- No, no, no, no,
no, it's not yours.
Put it back where you found it.
(gentle music)
(TV actors chattering)
(inspirational music)
(ominous music)
- Okay, I am gonna make this
quick since I'm low on battery.
Really quick, I guess.
Promise to make an
updated video if I can.
(birds chirping)
(somber music)
- Where the hell are you, Kat?
(lighter flicking)
(haunting music)
(haunting singing)
(bird cawing)
(haunting singing continues)
- Why have you summoned me?
- Because, I wanna be turned.
- What is your name?
- Katherine Mary Legan.
- Your name is in the book.
- But, but I wanna be turned.
- Then, you must remove
your name from the book.
- I brought you something.
Do you want it?
(fire whooshing)
I'll give it to
you if you turn me.
- Agreed.
Oh yes.
I haven't felt the
sunlight in 400 years.
- But, but what about me?
- You must remove your
name from the book,
and then I will turn you.
- Do I come back?
- I'll find you.
(ominous music)
(dramatic music)
(birds chirping)
(dramatic music ends)
- [Charity] Oh,
there's no sign of Kat.
- I thought she would've
turned back by now.
It looks like a grueling hike.
- So, are we just gonna wait?
- Yeah, aren't we
gonna go look for her?
I mean, anything could be
happening to her out there.
- Look, I don't wanna
be a selfish b*tch,
but I didn't come
this weekend to hike.
I just wanna chill and relax.
- Really?
You're not at all worried?
- I mean, if it was later in
the day, I might be worried.
- There are transients
and rapists and murderers.
- Lions and tigers
and bears, oh my.
- It's not funny, Teresa.
- Come on, Charity.
You watch too many
forensic shows.
- No, it's true.
It's always a woman that
they find in the woods.
- [Charity] It's true.
(ominous music)
(geese honking)
(ducks quacking)
- [Fisherman] How's it goin'?
- I'm hungry.
(fisherman crying out)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music ends)
(birds chirping)
(ominous music)
- What is it with
vampires these days?
I mean, that's all you
hear about in the media.
Whatever happened to
zombies and werewolves?
- You're still not funny.
- I'm not joking.
Vampires used to be cool,
before "Twilight" came out.
Made 'em all faggy
and effeminate.
- Really?
- What, I don't have to
be politically correct.
I'm not running for office.
- Okay, Donald Trump.
- So, are we just
gonna do nothing?
- What do you wanna do, Amy?
Call the forest service
and tell them your sister
went looking for a vampire?
- We can go look for her, hello?
- Yeah, you're not
at all worried?
- Okay, if it were later in
the day, I might be worried.
Okay, if she's not back in
an hour, we'll go looking.
- Thank you.
(creek gurgling)
(birds chirping)
- [Woman] What time do
you wanna eat dinner?
- Man, I haven't even
thought that far ahead.
- [Woman] You never
think that far ahead.
- Sure I do.
What time do you wanna have
breakfast in the morning?
- Don't be a smart-a*s.
(bottle clinking)
(ominous music)
Must you litter like that?
- [Man] No, but I will.
- That can break and
cut a dude's foot.
- Hoove.
- What?
- [Man] Hoove, not foot.
- You're such a jerk
when you're drinking.
- Will you stop nagging?
- I'm not nagging you.
- Sure you are.
The thing you're doin', movin'
your mouth, that's nagging.
- I'm not nagging you.
- Sure you are.
Just goin' on about
trivial things like that.
- Well, maybe if you would stop
being such a jerk and you'd
quit littering.
(ominous music)
- What the f*ck do you want?
(man screaming)
(woman screaming)
(water gurgling)
(ominous music)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music ends)
(ominous music)
- [Amy] Guys, it's that really
creepy guy from yesterday.
- [Teresa] Ooh, scary.
- [Amy] He was there.
- [Charity] What was he doing?
- Anybody see anything?
- No.
- Now, can we be
worried about Kat?
- Oh sh*t.
- [Charity] What?
What, are you afraid
he's gonna take your car?
- No, I was worried he
was gonna siphon my gas.
- [Charity] Seriously?
- Yeah, four bucks a gallon.
- Really, Tree?
(ominous music)
(dog barking)
(ominous music ends)
(birds chirping)
(g*n thudding)
- All right, I'm going.
- [Amy] What about us?
- Stay here.
Lock the doors.
- Yeah, right, we're all going.
- Look, she's
probably fine, okay?
- Why are you taking your g*n?
- For bears or mountain lions.
You keep it.
- Let's just all go.
- I like that plan.
- Yeah, we're all gonna go.
- Okay, here, good.
- Let's go then.
(g*n clicking)
(birds chirping)
- [Charity] Do you even
know where you're going?
- The lake is east.
There's a trailhead
over here somewhere.
- Somewhere?
- Look, who made
me tour director?
Do you wanna be in charge?
Do you?
I didn't think so.
Look, how long are we gonna look
before we decide to turn back?
- It's already
getting darker, so.
- Well, I think we
should at least stay out
until an hour before sunset,
and then we'll head back.
We'll call the sheriff's
department if we don't find her.
- Yeah, okay.
- Remind me to kick Kat's
a*s as soon as we find her.
- [Charity] (sighing) What a
sorry a*s day this has been.
(ominous music)
(gentle suspenseful music)
(water gurgling)
- [Charity] Did anybody
bring any water?
- [Teresa] I should have
brought a beer. (laughing)
- [Charity] Are we there yet?
- Kat?
Kat?
Kat?
- Kat Legan?
- How many Kats do you think
are out here right now?
- Don't be a smart-a*s.
- That's better than
bein' a dumbass.
- Kat?
Kat?
(dramatic music)
Let's go, Tree.
Not funny.
So typical.
- Let's just go.
We don't wanna come into dark.
- Yeah, you're right.
- [Teresa] Ha. (laughing)
- [Charity] Is that
the best you can do?
- I mean, the best I could
do on short notice, yeah.
- Are you gonna help, or
are you just gonna goof off?
- You know what?
If I have to be out here
dealing with this bullshit,
I'm at least gonna
entertain myself.
- [Charity] Let's go.
(hand slapping)
- Ow.
You guys suck.
(ominous music)
Have I told you guys
how much this sucks?
- I have never heard
you complain so much.
- You haven't known
her very long.
- I'm just saying what
everybody's thinking.
- No, no, you're bitching.
- [Teresa] Well, there's
a lot to b*tch about.
- [Amy] When were with you.
- Hey, take this.
- What are you doing?
- Nature calls.
- Okay.
Should we stand back to back?
- [Amy] That's a good idea.
- Okay.
(ominous music)
Kat?
Kat?
- [Amy] Hey, you don't think?
- [Charity] Think what?
- [Amy] You don't
think she's playin'
some kind of game
with us, right?
- [Charity] I don't know.
You know her better than I do.
- It's not her style.
She'd rather moan and groan.
- More than Tree?
(both laughing)
- Maybe not that much.
What if, what if she took
another way back to the cabin,
and she's waiting there for us?
- Mmm mmm, there's no way.
This is the only trail.
We would've seen her.
- Are you sure?
- Mmm hmm.
- Okay.
- What'd you use to wipe with?
- Nature.
- (chuckling) Are
we ready to go?
- No, no, now I gotta go.
I'm sorry.
- Okay.
(Teresa sighing)
- What?
- You've been bitching the
whole time, since we got here.
- Well, get used to it 'cause
I'm not done bitchin' yet.
- Yes, you are.
- Actually I've got plenty.
(Charity screaming)
Amy, run, it's a vampmire.
I thought they weren't real.
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music ends)
(bird cawing)
(dramatic music)
(vampire cackling)
(dramatic music continues)
(Charity crying out)
No, no, no.
No, no, no, please
don't k*ll me.
I don't wanna die.
- Your desires don't concern me.
- No, no, please.
Please, please,
please, please, mister.
No, please, sir.
- Mortality is for suckers.
- No. (crying)
(ominous music)
(ominous music continues)
(g*nsh*t firing)
(g*n trigger clicking)
- That's not going to
work, Katherine Mary Legan.
- What do you want?
- [Vampire] The truth.
- What truth?
- [Vampire] Where is the book?
- I don't know.
- [Vampire] You're lying to me.
- I can get it if
you leave us alone.
(g*nsh*t firing)
(g*n clicking)
- Even the silver b*ll*ts
won't hurt me now.
I don't know where you got this
or who you got it
from, but thank you.
- But my name is in the book.
- I know.
(ominous music)
(footsteps pounding)
(door clicking)
- What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do?
Okay, I'll call the cops.
- No, don't do that please.
(ominous music)
(phone receiver clattering)
I saw you guys leave, and just
thought I'd take a shower.
I'm gonna get outta
here right now.
- No, don't go out there.
- Why not?
- [Amy] There's a
vampire out there.
- [Hitchhiker] A what?
- A vampire.
I don't have time to
explain this to you.
Do it.
Get some someone wooden spoons
or something to
make a stake out of.
- Hey, I don't believe
in vampires, okay,
so how about that?
- I don't really care
what you believe in.
- Okay, Twilight girl,
don't you watch movies?
What are you freakin' out for?
A vampire can only come
in if he's invited.
So, what's he doin' out
in the daylight, huh?
- Stop asking stupid questions.
- What?
What are you doing?
- [Amy] Oh, the book.
- What?
Hello?
(ominous music)
- [Amy] Get a knife.
Get a knife, quick.
- A knife, okay.
(knife clicking)
Here.
What are you doin'?
Oh, that's great.
(dramatic music)
- Write your name in blood.
Go, come on.
- Uh, I'm gonna pass.
- Let me in.
Let me in.
(hands pounding)
Let me in.
(door creaking)
(door banging)
- [Amy] What the
hell's going on?
- I unleashed the monster.
- [Amy] Oh, good work, Kat.
- Hey, I didn't know
this was gonna happen.
- [Amy] Oh really?
You think you can just
summon some kind of vampire,
and there'd be no consequences?
What are we gonna do now?
- Who's this?
- [Amy] Long story, it's fine.
- [Dave] I'm Dave, and I
was just about to leave.
- No, no, no,
don't go out there.
- [Dave] What is this,
some sort of reality
TV show nonsense?
Am I being punked
here or something?
- [Amy] It's not a f*cking
reality show, dude.
- [Kat] Am I dumb being
a vampire groupie now?
- [Amy] Screw you,
that's so funny.
(Dave clapping)
- Girls, thanks for the
shower, but I gotta jet so
good luck with everything.
Oh, I'm so scared
of the big vampire.
Oh yeah, everyone's so scared
of the big f*ck' vampire.
(dramatic music)
(Amy screaming and crying)
(arm thudding)
(somber music)
(dramatic music)
- He can't come in unless
he's invited, right?
- Uh.
(dramatic music ends)
(door creaking)
(ominous music)
- [Vampire] I know
what you're thinking.
This is not how you thought
your day was gonna go.
(footsteps echoing)
- Our names are in that book.
- I know.
(book thudding)
Katherine Mary Legan.
Amy Elizabeth Legan.
Amy, it's a pleasure
to meet you.
Katherine and I are
already acquainted.
"Life sucks so suck harder."
That's just good advice.
(ominous music)
Katherine Mary Legan, do
you know what this means?
Mortality is for suckers.
(dramatic music)
- Get a cross.
- It will be over quickly.
- Get back.
- Unless you would
care to dance.
- I will k*ll you.
(dramatic music continues)
(Amy grunting)
(Vampire groaning)
(Vampire gasping)
(Vampire laughing)
- f*ck.
- That never worked
in any century.
(Amy gasping)
There's nothing
quite like the smell
of a young woman's blood.
(microwave beeping)
(Amy screaming)
(dramatic music ends)
(footsteps echoing)
- You were supposed to turn me.
- And I will.
Do you know why?
- Because you suck.
- That's true, I do suck.
(ominous music)
You wanna be a vampire?
I'll make you a vampire.
(ominous music continues)
(gentle somber music)
(ominous music)
(birds chirping)
(mellow symphony music)
(Kat screaming)
(mellow symphony
music continues)
(gravel crunching)
(wind howling)
(bird cawing)
(engine humming)
(gentle soft rock music)
I'm feelin' left behind
While you gather
up your life
Will you remember me
You set out on your own
Markers set in
stone this time
Would you believe in me
For just one night
If all we did was leave here
I might believe again
The sun is falling high
And shadows tall
invade my soul
I'm left to die alone, no
But I'm not done just yet
So don't you bury me
Not yet, yet
(gentle soft rock
music continues)
I know it's late tonight
So move on with your life
While I just drink it in
My head has found my hands
Arrested while
I think of you
There's a ways to miss me
For just one night
If all I did was
believe in it
I might not tire at all
The sun is falling fast
The shadows
linger in the past
But I'm still here alone, oh
But I'm not done just yet
So don't you bury me
I might just make this life
I'm not done with it
Not yet
Where's God
Where's God
(gentle soft rock
music continues)
So move on with your life
Just for one more night
Will you remember me
(gentle somber music)
(haunting singing)
(haunting singing continues)
(gentle somber music continues)
(dramatic haunting music)
(haunting singing)
(dramatic haunting music
and singing continues)
(dramatic haunting
music continues)
(dramatic haunting music ends)
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Vampire Lake (2024)
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