01x01 - Pilot

[bunniefuu]

Nikki hayes: ♪ 'cause just when I had enough of you ♪

[Woman moaning]

Hayes: ♪ and when I'm fed up, I'm not through ♪

♪ You get close to the core ♪

[Man grunting]

Hayes: ♪ but you know I want more ♪

♪ And then we get on one accord ♪

Woman: that was awesome. Ha ha ha!

Man: ahh...

Woman: [sighs]

Man: what?

Woman: nothing.

Man: yeah. I'm sorry.

You know I'm supposed to be at the gym by a.m.

Woman: I know, I know, I know.

Man: but--

Woman: all right. You can take forever if you want.

You're gonna be late.

Man: you just wait right there.

Woman: what are you doing in there?

I'm getting cold.

- Hold on. - Gary--ha!

- No. - Yes.

Woman: no. I don't want to celebrate.

Gary: fine.

Woman: ha ha ha! Thank you.

Gary: mm-hmm. Kidding me?

I wanted to be the first face you saw on your birthday.

Woman: I know that, and thank you.

Gary: I'll get the kids off to school...

Woman: mm-hmm.

Gary: get to work.

So what are you gonna do today?

Woman: I have court.

Gary: that's right--the new hotshot divorce lawyer

For benson.

Woman: yep, and I really have to win this case,

So I can prove I was worth my recruitment.

Gary: so, um--

[Cell phone vibrating]

Woman: is that her?

[Tapping]

Gary: come on, babe. It's your birthday.

- Answer it. - No.

Woman: no. Go ahead.

Gary: she just wants to argue.

Woman: argue about what?

Gary: I'm going to leave her.

I swear I am.

I'm not like those other guys that like to play that game.

You know that.

Don't you believe me?

Woman: oh, yeah. I do.

Gary: you just got to give me time.

Hell, who knew meeting at the grocery store

Would turn into meeting the love of my life?

[Cell phone vibrates]

All right. Um...

I wish I could stay.

I'd celebrate with you all day.

Woman: yeah.

Gary: I can try and get back tomorrow.

Woman: that's ok.

Gary: come on. Say you love me.

Woman: uh-uh.

Gary: say you love me.

You love me.

Woman: I have to eat this right now.

Gary: you love me.

Woman: you know I do. I love you.

Gary: I love you, too. See you later.

Woman: get out of here. Ha ha!

Gary: ahh... All right, babe.

Woman: ♪ bye ♪

Gary: bye.

Woman: mm...

[Sighs]

Woman: ♪ don't my girls hold me down ♪

♪ Let them boys mess around ♪

♪ My love life is a headache ♪

♪ We're going out tonight ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm into the love ♪

[Cell phone rings]

Woman: hello?

Woman on phone: girl, I am so pissed.

Woman: danni, I can't really talk right now.

Danni: no. No, no, no.

Like, this is straight bullshit, you know?

Like, why am I even with him?

Woman: what'd he do now?

Danni: he's liking h*'s pics on the 'gram.

- Danni-- - no.

Danni: this b*tch is from tuscaloosa

Who the ... Heard of tusk-a-looska?

Woman: calm down, danni, ok? Did you ask him why?

Danni: yes. He said he just liked the pictures.

Woman: ok. Well, maybe he did.

Danni: then tell me why she just made a post saying,

"Getting ready for a road trip," hmm?

Woman: maybe she's going on a road trip.

Danni: ok. This country b*tch don't know nothing

About no road trip, karen, ok?

She think going to the local walmart is a road trip.

Karen: will you stop it, ok?

You judging her. You don't even know her.

Danni: all right. I'll send you her account.

She looks like she belongs behind a mule.

Better yet, she looks like the mule should drive her.

Karen: ok. Enough. Stop, please. Stop.

Woman: ms. Karen mott?

Karen: yes. Danni, can I call you back?

Danni: where you at, girl?

Karen: doctor's office.

Danni: ok. Why are you at the doctor?

Karen: getting my annual physical, ok?

Danni: ok. Well, I only go to the doctor if he's single, so--

Karen: well, you really should. Call you back.

[Telephone rings]

Woman: hey.

Danni: hey, you will not guess what he did now.

Woman: girl, I don't have time right now.

I'm at work.

Danni: then why did you answer the phone?

Woman: because I thought you were calling me

About andi's dinner tonight.

Danni: what are you talking about?

Woman: please don't tell me that you forgot

It's andi's birthday.

Danni: it's her birthday?

Woman: oh, my god, danni, seriously,

You're so sorry sometimes.

Danni: I didn't forget.

It's just this as*h*le has me preoccupied.

Woman: all right, girl. Will you just call me la--

Danni: no. You know what?

I haven't even called her and told her happy birthday.

- I'm gonna call her. - No, no, no, no. No, no.

Woman: danni, do not call her right now, ok,

Because this birthday is a little bit hard for her.

Danni: what, why, and how do you know that and I don't?

Woman: because we're her friends and we listen when she talks.

Danni: ok. I pay attention. It's these edibles, ok?

I just need to cut back.

Woman: I really think you need to stop.

Danni: I just gave up potato chips.

sh*t, one thing at a time,

And why she hate birthdays so much?

Woman: danni--

Danni: oh, it's the proposal.

She gave him till her birthday, didn't she...

Woman: yes.

Danni: and you know what?

Have you thought about this?

It's been months, and we ain't even met him yet.

How come karen's the only one that met him?

Woman: well, you know, she said that she travels a lot,

And honestly, I don't really think

That she wants you to meet him yet.

Danni: why?

Woman: girl, you'd be saying whatever is on your damn mind.

Danni: and what's wrong with that?

Woman: ok. Hey, look. Just do me a favor.

Don't mention it, ok,

Oh, and did you hear that karen and zac broke up?

Danni: oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

I'm gonna see his raggedy a*s at work,

And I'm gonna let him know-- I mean, sleeping with that h*--

And I am gonna lay into that a*s--

You know what I mean?-- Like just--

Woman: ok, ok. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I got you off on a tangent.

We're gonna talk about this later over drinks, ok?

Girl, I got to go. I'll see you tonight.

Danni: all right.

Woman: all right. Bye.

Man: next?

- Next! - You can go ahead.

Man: uh-uh. One moment, please.

Now, either he hates me or he's in love with me.

Woman: why?

Man: he does that every time, passes on me.

I think he's on the down-low, and he really wants me.

Woman: or maybe he just wants me.

Man: why would he want you?

- Get out of my face. - I'm just playing.

Woman: next? May I help you?

Man: uh, yes. Uh, just need to make a deposit.

Woman: your deposit slip?

Man: oh, heh, I'm sorry. There you go.

Woman: heh. Ok.

Man: look. I'm sorry, but I've been coming in here

Every friday for the past weeks,

And--this is crazy--

Well, I finally got the courage to say

What I'm about to say to you.

Woman: are you robbing me?

Man: ha ha! Do I look like I would rob you?

No. I just want to ask you on a date.

Woman: uh, well, mr. Rodney--

Man: so you know my name.

Woman: calvin rodney?

Calvin: uh, right, the deposit slip.

Woman: I don't mix, you know, business--

Calvin: with pleasure. I get it.

Woman: excuse me?

Calvin: well, look. I'm a cool dude. I work hard.

I even own my own real estate company,

And I'd really like to take you out.

Woman: well, how do you know I don't have a boyfriend?

Calvin: ha! Well, your social media sa--

Look. I know that sounded crazy.

I'm not a stalker. I'm not a creep.

Woman: well, you shouldn't believe

Everything you see on social media.

Calvin: well, it was under your stats, so--

Come on. What's the harm? Please?

Woman: heh.

All right. Look.

I am meeting a few of my girlfriends tonight

At : for drinks.

We should be done around :,

So if you're at freddy d's around then,

I may--i may have a drink with you.

Calvin: ok. Sounds good.

- Ok. - I'll see there--freddy d's.

Woman: have a nice day.

Calvin: you, too.

Woman: I'm sorry, ma'am.

Different woman: well, of all things--

Man: what you doing?

Woman: huh? Not doing anything.

Man: don't you let ms. Mims catch you

Looking up tricks' accounts.

Woman: I wasn't doing anything like that.

Man: mm-hmm. You're a manager. Don't get fired.

Woman: I'm not doing that.

Man: good, and you don't need to know that I already have,

And he's paid, and one day gonna step in my line

And give me all of that.

Woman: are we still talking about a deposit?

Man: oh, yes, a big one. Ha ha!

Woman: excuse me. Are you going to open this line?

Man: yeah. Sure. I'm gonna open up right away.

- Um... - It's about time...

[Door opens]

- Hello. - Hi.

Woman: how are you?

Karen: nervous.

Woman: why?

Karen: I need the results for the test.

Woman: oh, I'm sorry.

I could have called you with the results.

Had I known you'd be so concerned.

You're negative.

Karen: oh, thank you. Thank you so much.

Woman: have you been having unprotected sex?

Karen: just the one partner.

Woman: why were you so worried? Was he unfaithful?

Karen: can we not...do that...

Woman: oh, ok.

Karen: doctor?

Woman: all right, but let me just say--

Karen: yeah. I know. I know all that.

Thank you. Can we do the exam?

Woman: of course. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to offend you.

Lie back.

Karen: oh.

- Legs up here. - Ok. Yep.

Woman: you know the drill.

Karen: unfortunately.

Um...

I'm sorry. It's not you.

It's just, I went through a bad breakup.

- I really am sorry. - Thank you.

Woman: I know you thought he was the one.

That's so sad.

The last time you were here, you were talking

About having a family--

Karen: ok. If you don't mind, I don't want to talk about it.

- Ok. - Yeah.

Woman: I'm sorry.

But let me just say, you're now, right?

Karen: yes. Mm-hmm.

Woman: well, there are a lot of alternatives out here

If you're unlucky in love and you still want a family.

You could freeze your eggs, but you have to know,

After , all pregnancies are geriatric,

Uh, high-risk.

Karen: is something going on down there I need to know about?

Woman: no, no. Everything looks great here.

Karen: oh, ok.

Well, then can we stop talking about the gloom and doom

Of my future and getting older?

- Ok. Sorry. - Thank you.

Woman: shall we talk mammograms? You know, at a certain age--

[Karen scoffs]

Andi: good morning.

Man: come.

Andi: yes?

Man: he's here, mr. Green and his lawyer.

Andi: well, we're not due in court for another two hours.

Man: I know, so why do you think he's here?

Andi: I think he wants to talk settlement.

Man: I think he wants to avoid court.

I know this is only the second case that you've done

For our firm, but if you nail this for helen,

She'll have a lot of friends

Looking for a great divorce attorney.

Andi: I am aware.

Man: a lot of, um, money will flood this place.

Andi: [chuckles]

I am aware of that, as well.

Man: as you know, we took a huge gamble on you...

Andi: yes. You have made that very clear, sir.

Man: and I took a lot of heat from the other partners.

Andi: well, I'm glad that I can finally show

What I can bring to the table.

Man: do you need me in the room?

Andi: no. I can handle it.

Man: this is big.

Andi: I got this.

[Clears throat]

Hi.

Helen: we're supposed to be in court. Why am I here?

Andi: well, apparently, my boss called

And asked you to come in here first.

Helen: is there a problem?

Andi: no. No. This is very good.

Helen: will they give me what I'm asking for?

Andi: we'll see.

Helen: listen. If he gives me million and the house, it's--

Andi: hey, we'll see. Coffee?

Helen: aren't they waiting?

Andi: yes,

Which is even more of a reason for us to take our time.

They came to us, remember? Cream? Sugar?

Helen: yes.

Woman: sir? Sir--

Man: I am not gonna pay $ for this bag, all right?

- Sir-- - that is crazy.

Woman: sir, it needs to fit in the bin.

Man: and it does.

Sir, you're clearly stuffing it in there.

Danni: all right, sir. What seems to be the problem?

Man: I've been flying this airline for years, ok?

I am not gonna pay for it.

Danni: all right, mr. Jackson.

We will not be charging you any extra today.

You go right ahead. You have a good flight, ok?

- Thank you. - Sorry for the inconvenience.

Jackson: thank you. Someone here knows how to treat a customer.

Danni: yes. You know, my name is daniella king.

If you want to send a comment to corporate,

You go right ahead with this card, ok?

Jackson: all right.

Danni: thank you for flying higher airlines.

- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

Woman: thanks.

Danni: girl, stop arguing with these assholes.

This ain't your money. Get them their sh*t.

[Vehicle beeping]

Zac: don't cross in front the cart.

Don't cross in front the cart. Don't cross in front the--

Damn! What is wrong with you?

Danni: your a*s is gonna talk to me.

Zac: I got to get these people to the plane.

Danni: I hooked you up with my friend,

And now you want to go and be with this wh*re.

- You a trifling-a*s... - Oh, wow.

Danni: b*tch-a*s punk of a man

Who ain't even got the damn ba*ls to be a man.

That is my friend.

- Are you done? - No.

Danni: wait till I see her at work again.

You let me see that h*...

Zac: can I go now?

Danni: oh, and tell your boy, mr. Jerome,

That if he keeps liking these h*s pics, I mean,

I'm gonna light his a*s up.

Zac: you know you're not dating, right?

Danni: I don't know what you call it, zac,

But we are, ok?

We're in a situationship of sorts, what have you.

Zac: can I go?

Man: we really need to get to our plane.

Woman: no. I want to hear about his b*tch a*s.

Zac: I should hit you with this cart right now.

You're lucky I need this job.

Move out of my way, danni.

Danni: you better hear me.

Zac: I got you.

I'm sorry about that, guys. We were just--

No. It's routine. We do that somet--

Man: just get us to our plane.

Zac: excuse me. Cart coming through.

You see the cart. You see the cart!

Everybody see the cart.

What are they doing? That's a nice suit, brother.

Andi: well, this is our offer.

Man: are you insane? Just--

Green: [scoffs]

- You have lost your mind. - Michael--

Michael: well, she's trying to take me for everything I got.

Andi: we will take million.

Man: offering .

Andi: ok.

Well, then we'll see you in court in a little bit.

Man: young lady, do you know how settlements work?

Where's grant or bellamy?

Andi: I am her attorney, and I am handling this.

Now, you deal with me now, or you deal with me in court.

Let's not waste each other's time.

We both know why you don't want to go to court.

It's because I subpoenaed your tax records

And I found some things that I'm pretty sure

You've been hiding from ms. Green.

Man: come on, michael. We won't be blackmailed.

I ought to report you to the bar.

Andi: see you in court.

Helen: I would've taken the .

Andi: I promise you, I can get you more than that.

Do you know what he's been up to?

Helen: I don't.

Andi: do you see that body language?

That's them giving in.

Welcome back.

Man: [clears throat]

Million, our final offer.

Andi: my client will take your offer and the house.

- She wants the house, too? - Michael--

Michael: fine. I hate you.

I hope you die on every dime.

[Door opens]

[Door closes]

Helen: oh, my, I love this.

Andi: congratulations.

Helen: oh, my heavens. Oh, my god.

I have a friend who wants to file for a divorce.

Just wait till I tell her about you.

Andi: please do.

Helen: this is great.

[Knocks on door frame]

Karen: you know, I was really hoping not to have to spend

More money to change the locks, but go ahead.

Make me waste more money.

Zac: how many ways can I say I'm sorry?

Karen: let's see.

There's the way you said you sorry

And got me flowers.

Then the next time, you did it again.

Then there's the way that you said you sorry

And brought home some sh*t that I had to be

On antibiotics to get rid of.

Zac: ok. Yeah.

You think I do this sh*t on purpose?

Karen: does your d*ck have a mind of its own?

Zac: I don't know why I do this.

- She didn't even mean-- - mean nothing to you?

Zac: oh...

Karen: yeah. I heard that sh*t again and again.

Don't worry about it.

Zac: you know I love you, karen.

Karen: what is love, zac?

- Baby-- - no.

Karen: call that b*tch baby.

What is love to you, zac, hmm?

Zac: it's the way I feel about you.

Karen: [scoffs]

Zac: it is.

Karen: get--

You better have all your sh*t gone,

Or I'm gonna have it gone for you by the time I get home.

You understand me?

- Karen-- - what?

Zac: nothing.

Karen--

Karen!

Andrea valle: ♪ I don't know what you want from me ♪

[Indistinct conversation]

Karen: hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm sorry I'm late.

- Hey, lady. - Hey.

Danni: break-up will make you put on your highest heels.

- Oh, god. - Danni--

Danni: what? She does.

Anyway, girl, I cussed his a*s out for you at work today.

You know, I'm sorry that men are dumb.

Woman: can we just not? Can we not?

- Thank you. - Fine. Where's andi?

Karen: she just texted me. She's parking.

Danni: ok.

Woman: remember, don't mention her birthday, ok? Promise me.

Danni: I'm not your child.

Woman: thank god.

- Oh! - Ooh.

- What's up, girl? - My word.

- Hello. - Happy birthday, b*tch.

Woman: danni, I just said not to mention the birthday.

Danni: oh, because you're the boss?

Anyway, we are all having birthdays

At least once a year, ok, so chill.

Karen: oh, my god. This girl.

Andi: you know what? That's fine because today is a great day.

Danni: oh, did he propose? Girl, let me see the ring.

Andi: he did not propose, danni,

But thanks for asking and making me feel uncomfortable.

Danni: who's uncomfortable?

Woman: I think we were just so excited because we thought

He was gonna propose today, you know, on your birthday.

Danni: but, you know, we still ain't met him yet

Or given you our approval or disapproval, so--

Andi: look. My happiness isn't based on him today.

Is that ok with everybody?

Karen: you're really ok with your birthday this year?

Andi: why not?

I just got the largest divorce settlement

My firm has ever seen.

- What? - Ha ha ha!

Karen: better get back. Andi: yes! Ha!

Woman: that's amazing. Congratulations.

Andi: thank you. Yeah.

You guys have no idea, seriously.

Woman: oh, well, I mean, I understand.

Some of these white people don't want you in their spaces.

Andi: to be fair, one of them did,

But I was so happy to rub it in their faces

Because I know they only hired me

To get the black athletes who are getting divorced,

But this settlement was the ceo of a major company.

I was like, "pick up your faces, clear people."

- Yes. - I want some champagne.

- Yes. We do. - You deserve it.

Andi: oh, hi. Come on over.

Danni: hi. Let me have some patron shots,

A ace of spades, and I'll have peach ciroc.

Karen: wait. Didn't you just say you ain't had no money?

Danni: see? That's the sh*t--

Woman: it's all right. All right. I got it. I got it.

- I got it. I got it... - Yes, you do.

Andi: thank you, sabrina.

Sabrina: but I want to get back to the topic at hand.

When is he gonna propose?

Andi: oh, that's the topic at hand?

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

Andi: we are gonna take our time

Because we have plenty of time, right?

Karen: mm-hmm.

Danni: mm. Mm-hmm.

Andi: right?

Danni: ok. Well, you know, I like him for you, ok?

He sounds perfect, even though he's a ghost.

Sabrina: oh, gosh.

Danni: how long has it been that we haven't seen this man, ok?

Sabrina: months, but who's counting?

Danni: how do you know that? We need to get them shots now.

Oh, speaking of shots, how did everything go at the doctor?

Karen: that depressed the sh*t out of me.

Sabrina: how?

Karen: did you know that if any of us get pregnant,

It's considered geriatric?

Danni: krrrroo! What?

Karen: exactly.

Danni: I don't have a geriatric uterus.

Karen: we're not even yet...

Andi: it's just the way it is.

Karen: but she was talking about freezing eggs

And all this stuff that I just really, really,

Really don't want to think about.

Sabrina: I don't want to think about that, either.

Can we get back to our happy place with andi?

Andi: yes, and, um, I am going to break things off with gary.

Sabrina: what?

Danni: is it because he didn't propose?

Sabrina: is that it?

Andi: I don't think he's the one.

Danni: hold the hell on. I'm gonna need some clarification.

Sabrina: danni, I got this one because I need to--hmm.

You--you find a single...

- Mm-hmm. - Ok.

Sabrina: hot-- he's so hot--

Andi: right. Ok.

Sabrina: man with schmoney-- I mean, he's stacked--

And you want to dump him?

Explain it.

- Is he down-low? - No.

Danni: ok, crooked d*ck.

Sabrina: wait. What do you mean, crooked d*ck?

- Captain hook... - Ah.

Danni: just like a hook.

Sabrina: that feels good, huh?

Danni: what? Ok. Turtleneck?

Andi: no. What is that?

Danni: uncircumcised.

Andi: oh, my gosh.

Karen: ooh, ok. Ok. You know what?

Andi: yeah.

Karen: some of us just aren't compatible.

- Thank you. - That's it.

- You're full of it, karen. - You are so smart, karen.

Danni: no, because I'd be compatible

With a damn rat if he paid my bills.

Sabrina: don't say that so loud. That's sad.

- That's nasty. - And gross.

Danni: well, I'm talking real, right?

Sabrina: ok. Shh. I just want to know for real, though,

Why are you breaking it off with him?

Karen: ok. Can we just--

Can we eat and just not talk about men?

- Thank you. She understands. - Puh-lease.

Karen: one night? Tonight?

Danni: but we always talk about men.

Andi: not my man. Let's just talk about your--

Why, oh, that's right. You guys don't have any men.

No wonder. Ha ha ha!

Danni: keep it up, you ain't gonna have no more birthdays.

- Waitress, the drinks. - Mind your business.

Karen: cheers. Cheers. Andi: third time is a charm.

Karen: is it?

- Mm! - Mm.

Andi: wait. You didn't look me in my eyes.

Sabrina: you're gonna have bad sex.

Andi: bad sex for you.

Danni: don't wish that evil on me, wicked one.

Don't wish that on me.

Andi: wait. Are you having sex right now?

Karen: do you? Aren't you celibate?

Danni: ok. What time is it?

- :. - Go.

Danni: wait. How do you know that?

You didn't even look at your watch.

Sabrina: because my date just walked in.

- Oh. - Date? What date?

Sabrina: ok, so make it obvious. Andi: he is fine.

Sabrina: right. Look, look, look.

I met him at the bank. He asked me out.

Well, my friend, he thinks he's kind of on the down-low,

And I'm not quite sure,

So that's why I didn't tell you all about it,

But I want you to give me an on-the-spot appraisal.

- It's ok. We're gonna tell-- - shh shh shh shh shh shh shh.

Calvin: hi.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hi. You're on time. - How you doing?

Calvin: yeah.

Sabrina: um, these are my girlfriends.

- This is karen... - Hey, how you doing?

- Andi. - Hi.

- This is danni. - Do you like d*ck?

Andi: danni.

Danni: what? Do you?

Andi: excuse her.

Calvin: I could chill at the bar if I need to come back.

Sabrina: no. No. No, no, no. It's fine.

It's fine because-- you know what?--This is over.

Calvin: well, it was nice meeting you, ladies.

- You, too. Bye. Mm-hmm. - Same here.

Karen: goodness gracious, did you see

His chest hair popping out?

Andi: I did. Um, excuse me. Could you stop?

Danni: listen. All I know is, he didn't answer the question.

- Ok. See, I can't. - It's true, though.

- Are you serious? - All right. I'm gonna smoke.

- No. - Ok.

- Thank you. - Ciao, ciao.

Karen: why are we friends with her, again?

Andi: because she's harmless, and she's funny as hell.

Karen: mm, if you say so.

Andi: you know you love her.

Karen: hmph.

Andi: stop it, and thank you

For not telling the girls that gary was married.

Karen: girl, you know, I'm not gonna say a word.

Come on, now.

Andi: I'm gonna end it. I am.

I mean, this cannot go on.

I mean, he comes over in the morning,

And we have sex, and then he goes to the gym.

It's just, like, I feel like a wh*re, you know,

And on top of that, hearing all these women

Talk about what their men have done

And going to divorce court, I just know how ugly this can get.

Karen: are you strong enough?

Andi: are you?

Karen: look. I know what it's like to be cheated on,

And so do you.

That's why we both vowed we would never do it.

Andi: he said he's leaving her.

Karen: you gave him months to at least move out.

That time has come and gone, andi, and he's still there.

Andi: I know.

When I am with him, it just feels so right.

He makes me feel like he's the one

And like I'm the only one.

Karen: at a.m.

Oh, look.

Hey, I get it,

But you and I both deserve better, ok,

So I'm not gonna give in to zac, and you don't give in to gary.

- Deal? - Deal.

Karen: that was quick. I didn't expect that.

- You're agreeing real fast. - I'm ready.

- I hope so. - Me, too.

Karen: can we drink some more of this?

Andi: another shot? Ha ha ha! You know, I am drunk.

Karen: you are, but we got a whole 'nother bottle, girl.

Andi: I know.

Gary: hey.

Andi: what are you doing here?

Gary: I wanted to surprise you.

Danni: excuse me, girl. She'll be right back.

Sabrina: what? Oh! Damn, he's fine.

Danni: yeah. Hey.

Andi: oh, no. Oh, no.

Sabrina: damn, he's fine.

- Who you? - Hi.

- Danni-- - hi.

- Hi. - You're gary.

- Danni-- - what?

Danni: we've been waiting to meet this mystery man

For months.

Damn, you fine, gary. How are you?

- He fine. - Yeah. I know.

Andi: he travels a lot. That's why you don't see him.

Gary: yes, and I'd hate to steal

This amazing woman from you all tonight.

Sabrina: oh, no. We're done. We're done. You can have her.

Danni: may I just ask you something?

Sabrina: no. Shh. We're done.

- Yeah. - You can take her.

- Are you ready to go? - Yeah.

Andi: we're gonna leave. We're gonna leave. Yes. Ok.

Gary: ladies, it's a pleasure to have finally met you all.

Andi: ok. Yep. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah.

Sabrina: such a pleasure. Danni: don't be a stranger.

- All right. - Thank you. Bye.

Danni: tear that a*s up.

Sabrina: have a lot of pleasure.

Danni: what?

Karen: why would you say that in public? Why would you--

Danni: this is why you can't drink.

- Oh. - I should drink yours.

Sabrina: I should get back to my date. I'ma see you all later.

Danni: wait, wait. I don't want to leave.

Karen: no, no, no. I'm gonna go.

- Let's go to ladies' night. - I'm gonna go.

Karen: I don't feel like dealing with strippers,

And I know you ain't got no money.

Danni: that's why I want you to go, duh!

Karen: good night, danni.

[Both chuckle]

Sabrina: sorry.

Calvin: your friends, they're over the top.

Sabrina: it's just the one, you know?

Sorry about that.

Calvin: what, her asking me if I was g*y?

Sabrina: oh, well, do--

Yeah. You don't have to repeat it.

Calvin: well, she must've gotten it from you.

Sabrina: sorry. I'm sorry.

Calvin: sabrina, what would you like to know?

Look, I kind of like to think of myself as honest

And straight-up, so--just tell me--what you want to know?

- Honest? - Yeah.

Sabrina: ok. Maybe it's a little silly,

But you are really groomed,

And my friend at the bank

Thought you were flirting with him.

Calvin: ha ha! Wow.

Well, let me put your mind at ease.

I'm not g*y, sabrina. I'm not down-low.

I'm not bisexual.

I love women, just women,

Especially women that are-- I don't know--

'", Small waist,

And know how to wear the hell out of a blue dress.

Sabrina: it's black.

Calvin: heh. Are you serious?

That dress is clearly blue. These eyes don't miss nothing.

Sabrina: no. This dress is black.

Calvin: uh, excuse me.

Can you please tell me what color

Is this beautiful woman's dress, please?

- Blue. - Thank you.

Oh, and can we get another round?

- Sure. - Appreciate it.

Sabrina: I don't care what she says.

My dress is black.

Calvin: hmm.

Well, perhaps I'll get a chance to check the tag later.

Come on. I'm kidding.

Sabrina: and if you came here because you think

I'm gonna sleep with you, you can leave.

Calvin: now, do you think that I would come into the bank

All those weeks trying to get your attention

Just so I could sleep with you?

Sabrina: I hope not.

Calvin: give yourself more credit than that.

Sabrina: I give myself all the credit.

I'm just not giving you anything.

Calvin: h* h*! Ouch. Ok.

All right, but you are a beautiful woman, though.

Sabrina: thank you.

Calvin: so what's wrong with you?

Why ain't you got no man?

Sabrina: wow. That is such an aggravating question.

Calvin: now, why is that?

Sabrina: because, I mean, people like you

Ask somebody why they're single

Because they think something's wrong with them.

What if I just didn't find the right guy yet?

Calvin: well...

Here's to the end of yet.

Zac: you really changed the locks?

Karen: my brother did as soon as you left.

Just get your sh*t and go.

Zac: years,

You're just gonna throw it all away just like that.

Karen: no.

You threw it away when you got with that insta-h*.

- I was-- - what? What you was, huh?

Zac: can we at least talk about this?

Karen: can you just go?

Zac: you act like this ain't my place, too, karen.

Karen: what the hell you talking about?

Zac: oh, so you gonna act like I ain't help you

With the deposit?

Karen: and you ain't spent a dime on rent since,

So I damn sure think we are even, zac.

Zac: all right...

But you asked me what love is, right?

I don't know. You know where I come from.

I've just been trying to figure this all out.

I've never had a woman like you before.

Karen: and you never will again.

Zac: I know, so damn stupid.

I don't know how I keep doing this to us.

I can't believe I keep doing this to us.

Baby, help me, please.

Karen: leave.

Zac: baby, help me get better.

If you leave me now, I'll be lost forever.

When I met you, you saved me. You did that.

Karen: zac--

Zac: look. Baby, please--

- Zac, stop. No. - Please.

Karen: I can't save you if you are so hell-bent on drowning.

Zac: baby, I'll get help.

I swear I'll get help. I'll do whatever I got to do.

It just-- it's not right.

What I'm doing to you is not--

I don't know what else to do.

I need you, baby, I promise. Please, please--

[Sobbing]

[Sobbing continues]

Andi: ah...oh...

Gary: mm...

Andi: hmm...mwah.

Gary: ok. Hold on. Ah!

Andi: ha ha ha!

[Smartphone chiming]

Ha! Heh heh.

Ha ha ha!

No, that's not it.

Uh! Shut up.

Mm...yeah.

Gary: oh...

Andi: I missed you.

Gary: mm-hmm.

[Cell phone vibrates]

Oh...

Andi: round two?

Gary: uh, heh.

Andi: [chuckles]

Gary: I got to go.

Andi: well, I thought you were spending the night tonight.

Gary: I was going to, but she just texted me.

My son has a fever. So sorry.

Andi: gary, I have to say this. Uh, you can't keep--

Gary: babe, I can't fight with you and my wife, too.

Andi: I'm not trying to fight with you.

I'm just trying to have a conversation about what--

Gary: I love you, and you have been so cool

And so great through all of this.

Please don't give up on me now.

Just give me a few more months.

Andi: hmm. You said that months ago.

Gary: look at me.

I love you.

I love you,

And I've always been honest with you.

She and I are at the end.

We are.

I got to go.

[Buzzing]

Karen: mm...

[Buzzing continues]

Oh...

Zac, I said you could stay on the sofa.

Zac: I know. I just feel so bad, everything I did to us.

Karen: ok, but the sofa.

Zac: yeah, but, like, can I just hug you?

Like, I feel so lonely out there.

Karen: no. Zac, the sofa.

Go. What are you doing?

Zac: what you using that thing for?

Karen: zac, stop.

Zac: I hear you using that thing.

Karen: stop, zac. Stop. Zac--ha ha ha!

Zac, let go. Zac--

Oh...zac--

Mm...

[Panting]

[Applause]

Man: mm, you did it.

Andi: thank you.

Man: so word got around.

Apparently, helen has a friend who's also married

To the ceo of a "fortune" company,

Who's waiting to see you in your office.

- Hi. - Hi.

Andi: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to keep you waiting.

Woman: oh, no worries.

Andi: heh.

Woman: [clears throat]

Andi: I'm andrea barnes, but everyone calls me andi.

Jasmine: jasmine borders.

Andi: and you're friends with helen?

Jasmine: yes.

You got a really great result for her.

Andi: yes. We did. We worked really hard at it.

Jasmine: hmm. Yes. Um, I'm sure.

[Clears throat]

Andi: first, I'd like to say, I hate that we're here

To talk about divorce.

I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Jasmine: well, unfortunately, it's inevitable for some.

Andi: yes. It is.

Jasmine: so, hence, I'm here.

Andi: and, hence, I have a job to do.

Jasmine: so, um, where do we start?

Andi: let's start with your husband's name.

Jasmine: [exhales]

Gary--

Gary marshall borders.

Announcer: next on "sistas"...

Jasmine: I know he's cheating with someone,

And I'm sick of it.

Andi: do you have proof?

- And we're sitting there... - Mm-hmm?

Sabrina: and then this guy comes in.

Calvin: oh, my god. Lance? Oh, look at you! Oh, mm--

- Oh. - Oh.

Karen: you know what I was thinking about last night?

How you did that to her.

Zac: why would you be thinking about her?

This between you and me.

Andi: I can't represent jasmine borders.

There is a clear conflict of interest.

Man: I think you need to think

Long and hard about this conflict.

Andi: are you firing me?