04x08 - A Valentine's Day Tune

[bunniefuu]

SINGER: Who's that girl?
What's her name?

Is she cool?
Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-Pepper Ann!
-SINGER: Pepper Ann!

SINGER: Is she lame? Is she cool?

Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-SINGER: Pepper Ann!

SINGER: Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can
Pepper Ann!

-BOY: Who?
-GIRL: Is that that girl from gym class?

BOY: No, that's me.

GIRL: Who is she and why does she have
her own song?

BOY: Did someone take my lunch?

SINGER: Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade
No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

-She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!
-Iceberg, dead ahead!

SINGER: Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

Happy Valentine's Day, Justin!

Ms. Pearson, Lydia,
speaking of valentines,

I was wondering if you would do me
the honor of...

Mom, it's not even Valentine's Day
until tomorrow.

I don't know why you're so excited.

I don't know why you're so grumpy.

You've got the love of your family,
your friends,

and maybe even this Craig
I've heard so much about.

Not even. He's way too cool
to fall for this bogus holiday.

What the dickens? Wha... this was supposed

to be a heart-shaped cake pan.

"Dear valued customer,
please enjoy your new cake pan shaped

like Mama Destructo
of Hazelnut Wrestling Federation fame."

Well, maybe I can turn Mama's cape
into wings and make her a cupid.

You'd better have a happy Valentine's Day
or I'll rip your heart out!

[LAUGHS]

Speaking of hearts,
where's that pretty Valentine's locket

I gave you a few years ago?
I haven't seen it in a while.

That's because,
it's too precious to wear. Bye!

Come on, buy a carnation.
Valentine's Day is tomorrow!

Red for love, white for friendship,
yellow for a secret admirer.

You can even send some to yourself.
Everybody does it!

I wonder who my secret admirers could be?

I'll need a receipt for tax purposes.

Hey guys, whatcha doin'?

Nothing. We're doing nothing.
What would we be doing?

What's that?

It's a...

A lobster bib.

Enough lies!

I can't live like this anymore!

Tell her the truth, Nicky.

It's a valentine for Stewart
that I commissioned from Milo.

A valentine? You actually paid Milo
to make a valentine for you?

Well at least he's in the proper
spirit of things...

Here we go again.

...making a buck off this stupid holiday
invented by greeting card companies

to sucker us all in.

My art's not for sale, P.A.

Nicky just gave me some money
to help pay for the supplies.

Glitter doesn't grow on trees, y'know!

For once I'm actually looking forward
to going to class.

At least I won't have to hear another word
about Valentine's Day.

Hearts, flowers, bonbons, love.
I dig Valentine's Day!

Can I get a beat?

In AD 270 Claudius the Deuce
Gathered up his Roman military crews

They were blown away by what he said,
"Sorry my men, you can no longer wed!

I don't want you hangin' home
With the kids and the wife

I want you fightin' wars
And risking your life"

As the soldiers began to cry and whine
Along came a priest named Valentine

Flowergram for Nicky Little!

Stewart paid extra for early delivery.

See, it's all about commerce.

Here Pepper Ann. Maybe this
will take you out of your grump funk.

What's this, pink for pity? No thanks!

[GRUNTS]

Interference!

Oh, sorry for the inconvenience,
but we've got to get the gym ready

for the Valentine's Day dance.
Nobody likes an ugly venue.

Those stupid decorations ruined
my highlight-reel return!

Can't we just play soccer?

Pearson, it's 10 degrees outside.

I'm not gonna make anyone freeze
their keister off

because a certain miss somebody's afraid
of a little crepe paper!

Now rotate!

I was going to save these for tomorrow,
but I had to get them out of my house

before I committed piggery!

[LAUGHING AND SNORING]

"U.R. Cute." [LAUGHS] Well said!

"Hunky Dory." Man, how do they know?

PEPPER ANN: "Say yec," eh?
Well, I would but I'm not supposed

to talk with my mouth full!

"Kiss me?" Kiss this...

She gets worse every year.

Just like my bunions.

-Wanna see?
-Ew.

You want some too, "love bug"?

I don't suppose you're coming with us
to the Valentine's Day dance tomorrow?

I don't suppose I really have
to answer that?

Pepper Ann, I'm worried about you.

You're more cantankerous
than Shelf McClain!

SHELF:
Who dares call me cantankerous? Who!

You can't go around hating Valentine's Day
your whole life.

What if the hatred creeps,
like an insidious virus,

into your hopes, into your dreams?

Nicky, I'm gonna be a Nobel prize
winning scientist.

Hating Valentine's Day
is not gonna change that!

I hope you're right, Pepper Ann.

I hope you're right.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Pepper Ann.

[HUMMING]

PEPPER ANN: Give it up.

Mama Destructo's too powerful.
She'll never lower herself

to cupid's level.

Maybe not, but I am no quitter.

I'm going to make the most beautiful
Valentine's Day cake anyone's ever seen!

And tasty, too.

I think I committed piggery.

I have to lie down.

[PHONE RINGING]

PEPPER ANN: Hello?

EFFIE: Pepper Ann Pearson...
I come from beyond, to warn you.

Cut it out, Milo. It's not funny.

EFFIE: I come from beyond, to warn you.

Nicky?

EFFIE: Hey, I said I come from beyond.
Does Nicky come from beyond?

[SHRIEKS]

Effie Shrug?

I have taken the form
of your erstwhile bully mentor,

Effie Shrug.

But why?

She represents the disdainful
and contemptuous attitude

that you harbor towards Valentine's Day.

But you're not Effie.

-I am a spirit. I come from beyond, to...
-Yeah, I got that part.

If you do not change your ways,
you will be doomed to suffer

-a horrible fate.
-Uh-huh. Right.

You're no spirit.
You're the result of eating

of artificially-flavored soda.

[BURPS]

There's more Chillade
than chill about you.

Why do I always get the problem ones?

On this night you will be visited
by three spirits.

Huh?

Pay attention to what they show you,
or else!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look, I'm sorry to be rude,

but you're not even real, so good...

night?

[SNORING]

What? Is Craig out of the pool yet?

Stan "the Cookie" Cookerstein?

What in the name of Fuzzy
are you doing here?

I have taken the form
of your first grade boyfriend,

because he represents
your youthful feelings about love,

innocence, blah-blah-blah.
You know where I'm heading with this.

-It's time to go!
-Where?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Wha... I can fly?

I can fly!

[CHEERS AND LAUGHS]

Would you cut it out?
We've got places to go!

[GASPS]

-Something wrong?
-That's my house.

-But it's different.
-We're in the past.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

[GASPS]

Hey look, there's me!

Ew, why didn't someone tell me
to lose the dorky bow?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I received this today. From you.

Peppie, would you come down here, please?

What's going on?

It's the first Valentine's Day
after my parents' divorce.

I kinda sorta tried
to get them back together.

Sweetie, I know you sent this to me
and signed your father's name.

No, I didn't!

And I got this from your mom.

It was a valiant effort, my girl,
but you forgot one thing.

Your mother knows how to spell
her own name.

And I seldom use crayon.

Valentine's Day is for potty heads!

[SIGHS]

She doesn't want to accept the divorce.

Well, our girl's resilient.
You'll see, Lydia,

this time next year she'll be kicking up
her heels at the school dance.

See, Cookie?
No wonder I hate Valentine's Day.

Just because you had a bad experience
doesn't mean you have to give up.

I mean, you're lucky!
You have the love of your family,

-your friends...
-What would you know?

You're not even real.

We should go.
We've still got a lot to see.

That girl's got so much spirit.
And what creativity!

Well at least we did one thing right,
Lydia.

MOOSE: Hey!

Did I say one?
I meant two things right, of course.

What's going on, Cookie?
What are we doing here?

It's two years later.
We're seeing how you've progressed.

Oh, it's beautiful!
I've wanted a locket like this,

ever since I was a little girl.

Of course, after Janie was born,
finances were tight, so I never got one.

But I swore that my daughter
would get one someday.

You're gettin' me misty. Cash or charge?

Show me no more, Cookie. I can't bear it.

Old MacDonald had a farm
Eee-eye-eee-eye-oh!

-PEPPER ANN: I have no taste of music.
-Do you remember how you reacted

-when your mother gave you that locket?
-No. Should I?

Happy Valentine's Day, Peppie.
I have a little something for you.

I know how you feel about Valentine's Day.
I was hoping this might cheer you up.

Thanks.

Well, you hang on to it for a while.
It just might grow on you!

I'm a horrible, horrible person.
I should be...

Those rodents know how to rock!

What did I ever see in you?
You're a boy named Cookie for gosh sakes!

[GASPS]

[SHRIEKS]

Spirit of Valentine's Day Present hug!


You're the spirit
of Valentine's Day Present?

I come in the form of your estranged
Cubby Camp friend, Brenda.

I represent love, happiness, rainbows,
hearts, flowers, unicorns,

all good things.

And then there's you!

You need to turn that frown upside down!

Smile! Smile! Smile! Smi...

Back off, phantom.

Where are you going?

Through the wall.

Silly goose! We're just going downstairs.

All aboard the Brenda Express!

[IMITATES TRAIN SOUND]

I wish I was your la la...

Looks like somebody iced that cake
with the ugly spatula!

[SIGHS] Back to the drawing board.

BRENDA: What a lost cause.
There's no way she's going to get

that cake right.
She should just give it up!

My mom's not a quitter.
She's not going to give up

on making her cake
just because it isn't perfect.

What would I know? I'm not even real.

Hey! You've invaded me comfort zone!

Buzz off!

Look at all the pretty, pretty valentines.

Shelf McClain likes those things?

Often people want what they can't have.

What do you mean?
He can go in there and buy one right now

with all the lunch money he's lifted.

He doesn't want to buy one,
he wants to receive one.

Every year he hopes to receive
a Valentine, but he never does.

Of course he never gets one,
he's the school bully for crying out loud!

He doesn't look like such a bully now.

Won't someone get him a valentine?

Maybe they all think Valentine's Day
is a stupid holiday

invented by greeting card companies.

We're flyin'! Yeah, yeah, we're flyin'!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

What's wrong with Nicky and Milo?

I guess she isn't going
to show up after all.

I don't get why she hates
Valentine's Day so much.

I thought this year might be different.

NICKY:
I've been working on this for months.

But maybe an epic poem inspired
by all of her math class misadventures

-wouldn't even cheer her up.
-I guess a sculpture of her done

entirely in bottle caps
wouldn't cheer her up, either.

She's not coming.
It's hopeless.

She'll always hate Valentine's Day,
and nothing we do will change that.

You can go hang out with Stewart now
if you want.

I'm too depressed. Wanna go home?

PEPPER ANN: No, wait! I'm right here!

I love epic poems! I love junk art!

Oh, no! I've let my bad attitude
spread to my friends!

BRENDA: They're not the only ones! Look!

Is she here yet?
Forget about her, man.

She thinks she's too good
for Valentine's Day.

Maybe she thinks she's too good for you.

-[GASPS]
-Don't worry,

he'll meet another girl soon.

One that's not such a downer!

[GRUNTS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

So, whose form have you taken?
My nemesis Alice Kane?

The ever-annoying Wayne Macabre?
Wait, I know,

you're Bob from the Food Barn,
come to humiliate me.

[GROANS]

Look, I hate to be a party pooper,
but I've seen enough stuff tonight.

[GROANS]

I'm up! I'm up!

REGGIE: Say, what a lousy night.

We should be at home by the fire,
with a pint of apple cider

-and a sixpenny pudding.
-Wouldn't mind so much,

'cept that we're gonna see the old bat.
On this night of all nights!

REGGIE: Let's just get it over with.

This is the future?
Where are all the flying saucers?

Does everyone talk in c*ck accents?

REGGIE: Y'know, they say she's a genius.

NIGEL: [CHUCKLES]
A genius at makin' mankind miserable.

Won the Nobel Prize for science she did.
Started a think tank on the edge of town.

Tryin' to figure out
how to make herself live forever.

Aye, but what good will it do her?
There's no love in her heart.

REGGIE: Blimey! I almost forgot.

Take a peek in the glove compartment,
would you, Nigel?

Turkish delight! Me favorite!

Happy Valentine's Day, mate!

NIGEL: Aw, Reggie, you're a true friend.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[GRUNTS]

MAN: Hurry!
The mistress is in a foul mood tonight.

What happened, mate?

She threw her gruel at me again.

I tell you,
I'd up and quit if I didn't need the money

for my wife's doctor bills.
Those bionic kidneys cost a pretty penny!

The kitties need their food!

Hey, that mean old lady
looks kinda like grandma!

[GROANS]

[WIND BLOWING]

[SCREAMING]

[EXPLOSIONS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Wow!

Where are we?

PEPPER ANN: Hazelnut?

[GASPS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

This is for you.

It is forbidden! What if she finds out?

I don't care.

WOMAN: A valentine?

Oh, this is the most wonderful gift
I've ever received!

Well, well. Look at the lovebirds.

Great Fuzzy!

You have broken the company's rules!

[GASPS]

We spend so much time here,
you work us late every night.

Is it any wonder that we fell in love?

Love?! Everybody knows that love
is forbidden in this building!

If you want to keep working here
you'll have to be modified

to be like me...

with a heart of steel!

[GASPS]

-Never!
-No?

Well then let's see how in love you are
when you're starving on the street!

What a mean old lady robot!

Who is she?!

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

The old lady is... me?!

I'm a successful
Nobel prize-winning scientist!

All right!

She's probably in there dancing with glee.

That old woman's an evil monster!

Don't be so hard on her, dear.
Maybe she just never had any love

in her life.
Not like us.

Maybe you're right.
Come, poopsie, it's dinnertime.

There's an unlocked dumpster
behind Chef Wang's.

WOMAN: I love Chinese!

What have I become?!

I'm a mean 500-year old lady!

I'm a robot!

Please spirit, tell me,
is this my future for sure,

or can I change it?

I promise I'll lighten up
about Valentine's Day!

I promise to fill my heart with love!
Please don't let this be my future!

Please don't let me have a heart of steel.

Hey, get your mitts off the robes,
I just had 'em cleaned!

Vera?!

Moose, what day is it?

Are you kidding?

It's Valentine's Day!

There's still time for me
to change my 'tude!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Happy Valentine's Day, Mom!

Well, happy Valentine's Day to you,
Peppie.

Oh, I must've dozed off
after working on my cake.

Well, I'm afraid it didn't turn out
quite as I had hoped.

-Peppie, what are you doing?
-I've got some time before school.

When we're done, this cake is gonna rock!

Happy Valentine's Day.
Happy Valentine's Day to you, too!

And you, and you, and you...

Happy Valentine's Day!
Yellow for friendship.

What brought on this unprecedented
February 14th cheer?

Nick, life may not be perfect,
but it's up to each of us to realize

that there's always something
to celebrate,

as long as we have the love
of our families and our friends.

SHELF: Who dared to send me a Valentine?

Who!? Who!?

-See you guys tonight at the dance!
-I thought white was for friendship.

Maybe they sold out of white ones.

Oh! I have so many friends!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hello, Dad?
Yeah, I just wanted to call and say,

Happy Valentine's Day!

No, I don't think
it's for potty heads anymore.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Dieter, would you like a piece
of Valentine's Day cake?

DIETER: I'd love to. I...

I'm sorry, Mrs. Pearson.

It's just too pretty to eat.

Come on.
I know you wrote me an epic poem, Nicky.

The spirits showed me!

Spirits?

Didn't you make a sculpture of me
in bottle caps?

Nope. Not my style.

Lint, maybe. Possibly chutney.

I don't get it, they showed me!

You haven't been messing
with dark forces from beyond, have you?

It doesn't matter.
I'm just happy to have the love

of my two best friends on Valentine's Day!

This song goes out to the girl
with the fresh scrunchy.

You know who you are.

-Thanks, P.A.
-What a wonderful sentime...

Ssh! Craig speaks!

Hey.

Red.

Hey.

[GUITAR PLAYING]

CRAIG: Red.

SHELF: Happy Valentine's Day to us all...
every one!

[MUSIC PLAYING]