01x15 - Mondo-Man

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

♪ On the road to glory ♪

♪ Ain't no turning back ♪

♪ It's got to be
the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ On a quack attack! ♪

♪ Look out, clear the way ♪

♪ The Ducks are here to play! ♪

♪ Ducks rock! ♪

[crowd cheers]

[c.speakerTop]♪ Ducks rock! ♪

♪ Mighty Ducks! ♪

♪ Here come the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ Burning up the ice! ♪

♪ Just try and stop
the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ And you're gonna
pay the price! ♪

♪ Here come the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ Fighting for the gold! ♪

♪ Let's hear it
for the Mighty Ducks ♪

♪ Time to rock and roll! ♪

♪ Let's go, let's go! ♪

♪ Ducks rock! ♪

♪ Mighty Ducks!
Ducks rock! ♪

♪ Let's hear it
for the Mighty Ducks! ♪

♪ Mighty Ducks! ♪

This is another fine
mess you've gotten us into.

Hm-mm.

Guidance system
in these teleporters

don't work for diddly.

[Seige]
We'll have to break inside.

[Tanya] Man, what a great flick!

You know, I can't decide
who I like better,

The three-headed alien or
the giant radish from Venus.

You know, we really should be
looking for Dragaunus.

Hey man, we're looking for him.

He's just not a connoisseur
of art films, you know.

[beeping]

There's a break-in
a few blocks from here.

Yeah!

All right, we got it.
Where's the teleporter?

You threw it in the trash!

Argh! We're gonna have
to dig for that thing.

[Chameleon] We're never gonna
find it in here--

Hey look, bubble-gum!

Oh, boy, banana. My favorite!

The Ducks!

I hope you brought
enough gum for everybody.

Stop!

You law breakers
have met your match!

Make way for... Mondo Man!

[groans]

Who is that clown?

Get the teleporter.
I'll handle this meathead.

[grunts]

That guy's gonna
get himself hurt.

Ow, ow, ow!

Get out of here, you wacko!

[Chameleon] I got it!

A free surprise in every box.

Nail that teleporter
before they get away.

-No, I'll handle this.
-Hey chill out, junior!

Oh, lost them again.

Thanks to super-clown!

You stinking stage-freaks!

I'll show you
who's the real superhero!

What's so special about
a block of metal, anyway?

It's an alloy called Adnosium.

Begin to build a transmitter
with it and signal the Sarks.

A race of do-gooders
who flit about the cosmos

dispensing knowledge.

Adnosium resonates
at a very precise frequency.

[dings]

The Sarks listen
for these vibrations,

signaling them that a planet
is civilized enough

for their advanced wisdom.

So why do you wanna
bring them here?

Because the Sarks ship operates
on Bellarium crystals, you dote!

Thanks for the exposition, boss.
But there's just one problem.

Picture this scenario, babe.

These aliens come to Earth,

a certain team of web-footed
superheroes rush to meet them.

They give their know-how
to the ducks

who use it to kick our tails
back into dimensional limbo!

What we need is our own hero.

Someone to meet the Sarks,
and steal the crystals for us.

A real mindless patsy
who'd do our bidding. [laughs]

Boss, have we got a guy for you.

[Nosedive] So suddenly,
this total maniac shows up,

full on twist-oid,
pretending he's a superhero.

Okay, like,
did he call himself Mondo Man?

Yeah, yeah, that's the guy!
You know him?

Totally!
Guys, meet Alvin Yasbek.

You! We almost
had those creeposaurians

until you messed it up.

I've used my scientific skills
to create an arsenal

of crime-fighting weapons,
you feathered phony!

Phony! Do you know
how many times we've saved

your crumby planet, junior?

Earth doesn't need your kind.

We should have
our own superheroes.

Decent, clean-living, human!

[sighs] That guy
doesn't have a clue.

Actually, he's a PhD in physics.

Yeah, well if he's so smart,
why does he run around

in his underwear at night?

He's a superhero freaky-freak.

And might I add,
one of our best customers.

[Chameleon] Excuse me friend,

I represent the Dragaunus
School of Super Heroics.

Just give us five minutes
and we'll give you

incredible superpowers.

Plus a free set of
steak knives if you act now.

Are you interested?

Uh, sure, I guess.

You two!
You fired on me last night.

You must forgive my friends.

They thought you were
with those horrible ducks.

I'm not with those freaks!

On the other hand,

you don't look so nice either.

Oh, but I assure you we are!

We are an ancient race,

who wish only
to share our knowledge

-with the peoples of Earth.
-[sniggering]

Oops, sorry.

The Ducks are trying
to steal our wisdom

for their own evil purposes.

I knew those ducks were no good.

The human race needs a hero.

You.

I'm ready, when do we start?

Right now.

Hey, that sounds like
a bank alarm.

Don't take another step!

[sirens blaring]

Back off, you birds!
We'll handle this.

Make way for Mondo Man!

[sighs] Not again.

There's no need to fear.
Mondo Man is here.

Is that Alvin?

There's a new superhero in town

and you ducks are last up.

Please somebody tell me
I'm just imagining this.

My Mondo-vision
will stop you miscreant!

I'll blow you away
with my Mondo-breath!

[inhales]

I'm going to personally
kick you off this planet.

I hate to do this, but...

[laughs] You can't stop me.

The human race has someone
to stand for it now.

Man, boobalah, babe,

Let's sit down. Let's talk,
let's schmooze.

Look, I can get
you merchandise. TV coverage!

Phil!

Okay, no TV. How about radio?

Hey, come on, this is business.
I gotta cover all my bases.

Stop those ducks!

[sh**ting continues]

I can't tell the good guys
from the bad guys anymore.

If we start fighting the police
then we are the bad guys.

We'll have to settle
this another way.

Don't worry, Captain.
I'll catch those aliens.

I'm betting on you, Mondo Man.

Sorry, I never bet.

Gambling is against the law

and you children
should remember that.

If you need me,
use this Mondo-signal.

I'll always be there.

Because I stand for truth,

justice and the Anaheim way!

[Duke] We gotta stop
that muscle bound maniac.

Yeah, or next week
the show will be called

The Mighty Mondo Man.

Where'd he get
all those powers?

Are you kidding?

He's practically got
Dragaunus's signature on him.

He must have some
kind of weakness.

We've gotta find it.

Here's where we
fought him last time.

We'll comb this place for clues.

Hey, Thrash and Mookie know him.
Maybe they can help.

Get on it and drop Phil
at the pond.

Before he signs Dragaunus
to a contract.

[laughs] Hey.

I'll use my knowledge

and my Mondo powers
to stop those ducks.

[beeping]

The Sarks ship is in range
of this solar system.

Now, to transmit
the Adnosium signal.

Listen, the Adnosium signal.

How quaint, it's emanating
from that minor planet.

They've reached
the stage of evolution

where they're ready
for our advanced knowledge.

I haven't found anything
resembling a clue.

[Grin] I'm not turning
anything up either.

This time I'll finish you,
evil interlopers.

Alvin, wait. You've got
your karma on backward.

We're here to stop an evil alien
called Dragaunus.

Don't give me that.

Dragaunus stands for decency,
truth, clean living...

[chuckles] That guy needs
to get his skates sharpened.

Put him on the boards, Grin.

[grunts]

Ha, even you are no match
for my Mondo-strength!

My Mondo-manacles
will put you in your place.

I've got the one thing
you've got no defense against:

Ducktonite!

It will rob you
of your superpowers.

[all groan]

Oh, no!

Wait a second,
we don't have any superpowers.

Yet I feel weak.

My aura is fogging over.

Soon there'll be only
one superhero on this planet:

Me.

[Dragaunus]
The Duck's evil space-warriors

are headed this way
in a starship.

These Bellarium crystals
are the source of their power.

Get them and the aliens
will be forced to flee.

I'm on it, Chief.

Oh, that slime-ball's
got superpowers?

Slime-ball? You said
he was your best customer.

[beep]

You're not gonna believe this
one but according to this,

a Sarks spaceship's descending
toward Anaheim park!

The Sarks are gonna visit Earth?

Just what this episode needs:

another complication.

Mondo Man,
thank heaven you're here.

We're being invaded!

Don't worry, Captain.
I'll Mondo-lize them!

[clears throat]
Peoples of Earth,

we come in peace.

Back off, you evil invaders!

I say, is that any way
to treat company?

You buck-eyed lawbreakers
don't fool me.

[strains]

See, those are our spare
Bellarium crystals.

Everything's okay now, Captain.

How can we ever thank you?

It's all in a day's work for...

Mondo Man!

This is a police-zone.

Now I got another reason
to bust you birds.

Captain, you've got to let us
speak to those aliens.

Stop those ducks!

Desist.

Who are you?

We're aliens, like you guys.

Please don't judge the
human race by what you see here.

After that flying maniac

stole our spare
Bellarium crystals,

you can't be serious.

If those crystals are not
returned in one hour,

we'll destroy this planet.

In the meantime,
we'll release the Scorpatron

to search for them.

If our Bellarium crystals
are not returned in one hour,

the consequences to your planet

will exceed the scope
of your limited knowledge.

[Nosedive] Whoa!
For a bunch of old timers, man,

they're packing
some serious heat.

We'll never find those crystals.

We need Wildwing

and the mask.

If I could just get to my comm.

[Nosedive] Yo, Grinster,
we got trouble.

So have we.

You need us to rescue you?

No, don't come here.

-[Wildwing] Get Phil.
-Phil?

[Wildwing]
He's the only one who can help.

Man, this show just keeps
getting weirder by the second.

Mondo Man, did you get
the crystals?

You bet, Draggy.

Those aliens will
think twice before

messing with planet Earth again.

Good work!

Bring them to the vacant lot
at 5th and Main.

I'm on my way.

[Klegghorn] Mondo Man,
there's a giant robot

attacking the city.
We need you!

I'll be there as soon as I can.

I better get voicemail!

Okay, that could've gone better.

[car horn]

Babes, babes. What's wrong?

That egg. Get rid of it.

Boy, I feel better already.

I'm in contact with my quiet
inner strength once more.

Come on, we gotta help the guys.

First we have to stop
that flying meathead

from delivering the crystals
to Dragaunus.

He's leaving a trail
of accelerated DNA.

Phil, we need your wheels.

Hey, hey, hey, careful!

My insurance doesn't cover
action sequences.

Now, I must save the city
from a giant robot.

We got the crystals, but that
jerk's gonna go do some good.

[Dragaunus] No matter.
The powers I gave him

aren't permanent.

You're with Mel Ramos?
I'll m*rder-ize ya.

[whimpers]

I was just kidding, pal.

[grunts]

We're beat it.

We aren't even putting
a scratch in it.

Hey, you wanna maybe help us
a little here, Cappy?

With what? Those friends of
yours melted all our weapons.

Our only hope now is Mondo Man.

Out of the way, law-breakers!
It's Mondo-time.

That guy's turning
into the Mondo-pain.

[Klegghorn] Mondo Man,
it's heading towards City Hall!

Fear not, I shall defend this
symbol of our civic pride.

Oh, dear.

[Nosedive] Game over,
Mondo-crook!

I'm guessing you're a Scorpio.

[Grin] Well, that
mellowed him out.

Well, Klegghorn, your superhero
is a super-zero.

-Ha!
-Not so fast, bunky-boy.

Officer, arrest this dweeb.

And I believe someone

owes us an apology.

All right,
I was wrong about him.

But I'm still
not sure about you.

You birds better keep
your beaks clean.

[Wildwing] Please,
reconsider sharing your wisdom

with the human race.

Yeah, no questions they are
full on eye-sores,

but they're pretty cool.

You can't be serious.

Please, this planet needs you.

We're not that smart.
We were just trying

to impress the babes.

Asta lavinos.

[Nosedive] Jeez, Phil, I can't
believe you are actually gonna

try and sign that
Mondo contract.

Boobies,
think of the possibilities.

A Mondo Man-Mighty Ducks combo.

Team up with that geek?

Sorry, but we're
an exclusive outfit.

Exclusive?
We let you in, didn't we?

Wildwing booby,
back me up on this one.

The publicity would be
outrageous.

Colossal recognition factor.

Judging by you, Phil,
the Sarks made the right choice.

[theme music playing]