05x12 - The Word/The Perfect Couple

[bunniefuu]

SINGER: Who's that girl?
What's her name?

Is she cool?
Is she lame?

SINGER:
Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-SINGER: Pepper Ann!
-SINGER: Pepper Ann!

SINGER: Is she lame? Is she cool?

Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-SINGER: Pepper Ann!

SINGER: Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can
Pepper Ann!

BOY: Who?

GIRL:
Is that that girl from gym class?

BOY: No, that's me.

GIRL: Who is she
and why does she have her own song?

BOY: Did someone take my lunch?

SINGER: Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade
No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

-She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!
-The letter "Q".

SINGER: Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

And since the 1950s,
Noam Chomsky dominated

the study of language we call linguistics.

Pepper Ann, do you have a question?

Just kick it, girl.

No, no question.

Are you having trouble grasping the 411
on Chomsky's theory of generative grammar?

No, that's easy!

It describes a native speaker's tacit
grammatical knowledge

by a system of linguistic rules.

Well, lick a stamp and mail me
to Impressedonia!

Still, it looks like
you've got a question.

Now, you know what they say,

the only dumb question
is the one you never ask.

Well, I was just kinda wondering,

how did Noam Chomsky
get the name Noam?

Yeah, I was wondering the same thing.

I wish my name was Noam.

Good question.

That's your question?

[BELL RINGS]

"Frasny"?

I wonder what that means?

MILO: Your Majesty, I'm reading an anomaly
in the fourth sector.

I recommend changing coordinates.

Oh, my, do look out!

We're getting sucked into the frasny!

FEMALE VOICE: Paging Dr. Bendor.

Twenty CCs O neg.

Stat. He's starting to frasny!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-That can't be you!
-You!

-'Cause you know that's me!
-Me!

But y'all would be wack
if you dubbed me frasny

Frankly, frantic, frappe.

Oh, great, it's not in here.

Now, how am I going to find out
what it means?

Oh, for the love of Latin roots,
just ask someone!

You heard Mr. Finky,
the only dumb question

is the one you never ask.

If it's not in the dictionary
Nicky won't know it.

She's just book smart.

And I can't ask Milo.

He still thinks encyclopedia
is a foot fungus.

Then ask a knowledgeable adult.

What could happen?

[LAUGHTER]

PEPPER ANN: Forgive me for intruding
on your lively discussion,

but, what does "precocious" mean?

[LAUGHTER]

They were laughing
because you were so cute.

And they'd all had a bit too much
of Uncle Remo's homemade Kentucky pie.

There's no need to subject myself
to unnecessary humiliation.

I'll just casually drop the word
into conversation.

Then I can figure out what "frasny" means
without actually having to ask.

Okay, but be cool about it.

Don't blurt it out to the first person...

Hey, Constance!

...you see.

What did you think of that
new Moon Battle movie, The Ghostly Peril?

I thought it was frasny.

I totally agree.
I mean you couldn't be more right.

You nailed it, Pepper Ann.

Well, see 'ya.

What?

"Frasny"?
I wonder what that means?

MALE VOICE:
And now a descendent of the Pekingese,

the charming yet puckish little Frasny!

CONSTANCE: I can't ask Pepper Ann
to tell me what it means now.

It just wouldn't be cool.

I know, I'll casually drop it
into conversation.

Then I can figure out what "frasny" means
without actually having to ask.

Would you say it was "frasny"?

"Frasny"? What is "frasny"?

Okay, don't panic,
just act like you know what it means

or else everyone'll think you're a freak.

Frasny? Oh, yeah!

It was like ultimate frasny!

"Frasny"? Hey, Lamar Abu Dabe!

Wanna try on my frasny new bifocals?

Like I totally frasny'd that French quiz?

-Frasny to the...
-Left...

-and frasny...
-To the right!

Go for the frasny!

Don't make me get frasny on you!

Is it me or is everyone
using the word "frasny" now?

It's the hip new word.

I heard it originated
with a small group of miners

working the Harford County
marble quarries.

So... what does it mean?

That's the beauty of it.
There's no strict definition.

"Frasny" can mean
whatever we want it to mean.

It's like art.

Milo, the other day you said
dirt was like art.

This is a word.
It's gotta mean something.

-Just go ask someone what it means.
-Why don't you ask?

If I ask, they'll think I'm a total dork.

But you, you're an artist,

unpredictable, mysterious.

If you ask, they'll think
you're just being existential.

Come on, what could happen?

He doesn't know what "frasny" means!

FEMALE VOICE: How frasny is that?

-Where...
-Has he...

...been?

What a loser!

Does that answer your question?

Hey, where are you going?

NICKY: No matter what "frasny" means,

the very existence of the word
proves that language is a dynamic process.

Though I can understand
the French disapproving

of the recent Americanization
of their beautiful language,

one cannot stop the ever-changing
linguistic forces

that make the way we speak new
and exciting.

You have no idea
what it means either, do you?

I'm book smart.

No one expects me to know
what it means anyway.

Well, you may be book smart.

-And you may be a...
-Loser!

...but I'm Pepper Ann Pearson,
the coolest, hippest,

most cutting-edge kid in school.

If I don't find out
what "frasny" means and fast,

I am uncool waiting to happen.

You have toilet paper stuck to your shoe.

Oh, no, it's happening already!

I better hurry.

That was one frasny crunch!

Dude, did you see that?

He totally frasny'd that wave!

Listen, Mister,
you think you can frasny me?

I was frasny when you were in diapers!

You've seen the Bearded Lady,
you've seen Lobster Boy,

but you've never seen anything like this.

For just two dollars walk right in
and behold,

Doug, the frasniest man alive!

[SCREAMS]

A willow weeps.

The rubber band snaps.

Frasny.

So, do you finally know
what "frasny" means?

No.

At first, I thought it meant
something good.

Then I thought it meant something bad.

And I thought it was an adjective,
but then it became a verb...

...and now it actually might be a noun.

I don't know!

You gotta stop beating yourself up
over one little word.

Just try using it.

You'll get it eventually.

What a loser!

Who's frasny now, huh, who? See?

But what if I use it wrong?

I'm teetering on the brink
of uncoolness already.

In the last two days,
I've sat in bird doo-doo,

got spinach caught in my teeth

and swallowed my retainer.

Milo. I don't even wear a retainer.

Pepper Ann, listen.

"Frasny" is just a slang word,
a fleeting trend.

It'll be forgotten before you know it.

I doubt anyone is even using it anymore.

You're right, Nicky.

I've been blowing
this way out of proportion.

Well, catch ya later.

Hi, Pepper Ann.
How's the frasny?

Easy, Pepper Ann, you've got some
major frasny happening.

Pepper Ann, I lent you my
Fuzzy, The Spy Who Bathed Me comic

two weeks ago.

Don't frasny out on me, girlie.

-Hey, Pepper...
-Ann,

-frasny...
-...much?

Like my hair is so frasnified?

Like a frasny in the wind.

-Frasny.
-Frasny.

-Frasny.
-Frasny.

-Frasny.
-Frasny.

-Frasny-frasny!
-No!

You stupid, stupid, word!

Oh, pretty.

I have snot hanging from my nose.

The cycle of uncoolness is complete.

And for what?

I will never ever find out
what "frasny" means.

The name plate's up and it's about time.

Our good company name looked like graffiti
scrawled on the wall like that.

Frasny Faucet Fixtures?

I can't believe it!

Everyone thinks "frasny"
is a cool slang word, but...

I can't believe it.

I'm in the girls' bathroom.

You have doors on your stalls?

Look! It's just a name
of a faucet company!

Wow!

We made "frasny" such a cool word,
they named a faucet company after it?

FEMALE VOICE: Like that is so frasny?

Well, I've always been a trendsetter.

You have faucets?

-This...
-Rocks!

-This is so cool.
-Uh-huh, yes.

Enough!

Sorry.

Frasny was the name of the company first.

It's not even a word.

Sure, I thought it was a word.

I even used it hoping to find out
what it meant,

but before I knew it,
"frasny" took on a life of its own,

because none of you dared to question it.

You were too afraid to ask what it meant

because you didn't want to seem uncool.

Don't you have a toilet
in the teachers' lounge?

Well, how cool do you feel now

that you know "frasny" isn't even a word?

How cool do you feel now

knowing you're all just a bunch
of mindless sheep?

You're right, Pepper Ann.

Now that "frasny" has made it
into the mainstream,

it's just not that cool anymore.

Huh? No.

Constance is right.

Come on, let's get out of here
before Dieter has a turflee.

-Yeah, let's go.
-All right, let's go!

Yeah. Outta here! All right.

-A what?
-A turflee.

It's the hip new word.

Oh, of course it is.

"Turflee." Yeah.

You have no idea what it means, do you?

Not a clue.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

STEWART: Right this way.

NICKY: Stewart!

Next time not so shrill,
'kay pudding dollop?

Well, if you had been here on time
I wouldn't have had to yell.

I said I'd come by around 1:00.

Yes, well, the party starts at 1:00,

leading me to assume that by around
you meant before.

Why is Pepper Ann throwing
a Scrumble party anyway?

She hates that game.

For the same reason
she throws every party,

to have an excuse for Craig Bean
to come over.

Now pick up the pace before we miss
the entire Scrumble tournament.

That might be a good thing.

I wasn't looking forward
to beating you again.

I don't think I like your tone.

I don't think I like your face.

We'll, you won't have to look at it
once we break up!

The sooner the better, sister!

Surprise!
Happy six month anniversary!

There never even was
a Scrumble Tournament!

I hate that game!

CROWD: For they're a jolly good couple

For they're a jolly good couple

For they're a jolly good couple

Which nobody can deny!

-For they're a jolly good...
-Gwen Mezzrow,

kindly refrain from singing
off key in my ear.

Well, if you wouldn't stand so close,
I wouldn't have to!

Well, if you weren't so beautiful
I wouldn't have to stand so close!

And Milo almost opened his big trap
the other day,

and you can imagine it took more than one
fish stick to shut him up,

were you surprised?

Actually, I'm more surprised
that Craig's not here.

Nicky! A little credit?

This party is for you two.

I mean, Sure I invited Craig,

and he may stop by...

but my only concern today
is that my favorite couple in the world

enjoys their anniversary.

There's something we should tell you...

Nick! You have poppyseeds
in your teeth.

What? But, I flossed an hour...

Six of one half
Dozen of the other

I lost my man now
Find me another

Ms. Pearson?

Oh, I was just deviling some eggs.

Nicky and I have something to discuss.

Would you mind stepping outside for a sec?

Thank you.
What is it!?

Our friends went to a lot of trouble
to throw this anniversary party.

I'd hate to let them down.

Stewart, it's better to just come clean
and tell everyone we've broken up.

Otherwise we'd be living a charade.

Sure it's just for one party,
but one party leads to two.

And pretty soon, we're 46,

living out a loveless marriage
in a one bedroom shanty.

Don't get any on the twins.

GWEN: They are just so in love.

Wouldn't it be nice to have someone
you can always talk to.

-A steady.
-A soul mate.

Gwen Mezzrow,
let's finally take the plunge!

Will you be my girlfriend?

I do!

I can just see our blissful future.

[WHISTLES]

I just don't see the point of pretending
that you and I...

And that's why everyone calls him
Spoony Joe!

All right, love birds!

Enough alone time!

There's a party going on 'round here!

I carved your faces into potatoes
and we're gonna mash 'em together later.

Kind of a performance art thing.

Milo's idea.

Sounds fun, doesn't it,
pudding dollop?

-Well, I...
-All right, let's party!

Nicky?

Pepper Ann?

My eggs aren't going to devil themselves,
you know!

In honor of our honorees...

I have put together a little presentation
of other perfect couples in the world.

Milo?

What better to go along
with the beat of a heart

than the beat of a drum.

These two love birds grew closer
with every chart-topping hit.

Donny and Marie!

P.A., they're brother and sister.

What else you got?

Lucy and Desi?

Divorced.

Henry the Eighth and Ann Boleyn?

Beheaded.

Nicky and Stewart!
The only perfect couple in the world.

[CHEERS]

You really aren't that photogenic,
are you, Nick?

Oh, I think your vision must be blurred.

Let me clean your glasses.

Oops!

[DOORBELL DINGS]

It's Craig!

I have been locked out of this house
for 20 minutes!

My eggs have been sitting on the counter
cultivating salmonella!

[HUMMING]

The circle of life? Reincarnation?

Tolstoy's What is Art?

The sun! The sun!

Left foot blue...

right hand pink...

left ear orange...

Hey, Gwen Mezzrow.

Let me get you some punch.

No, no! Let me get you punch.

Do...you...

give... up?

Never!

A lover's quarrel!

So cute!

And I know just how to solve it!

Time-out for 10 seconds
in the laundry room!

Pepper Ann, I don't think...

Quiet your lint trap
and get in the laundry room!

Mom, would you mind letting us use
the laundry room

for like, 10 seconds? Thanks!

-This is ridiculous!
-You're not even trying!

-We're making a mockery out of...
-You threw my glasses across the...

Again! Again!

-...all of Pepper Ann's good though...
-...entire living room!

-...seriously misguided intentions!
-...I need those to see, you know!

Our turn!

After you, Gwen Mezzrow.

No, after you, I insist.

Times-a-wastin'!

Lydia uses the same fabric softener
as my mom.

Smells mountain fresh, doesn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah it does.

Okay, the Wheel of Coupledom
has landed on produce!

Stewart,
what's Nicky's favorite vegetable?

I'd have to say carrot.

Because she doesn't carrot-all
about anything but herself.

Okay.

Nicky has landed on mood music.

Nicky, what's Stewart's favorite
piano concerto?

Don't be silly,
in order to have a favorite concerto,

he'd have to know what a concerto is,
which he doesn't?

Admit it!

You wouldn't know a piano
if it fell on you

in one of those low brow cartoons
you like to watch.

It's called comedy, Nicky.

You wouldn't know funny
if it knocked on your door.

Oh, yeah?

Well maybe that's funny now!

How 'bout I go see.

No! You're not funny, you're Craig Bean!

Is Pepper Ann here?

I guess you're right, Stewart,
I guess you know everything!

Oh, would you two just break up already!

I though you two were the perfect couple,
but, was I wrong!

I mean, you've been bickering
the whole party!

Blah-blah-blah Stewart.

Blah-blah-blah Nicky.
I don't know how you stand it!

Just do us all a favor and break up.

Pepper Ann, Stewart and I
may have our differences,

we may not be perfect, but who is?

Maybe someone's late to pick you up
once or twice,

or always beats you in Scrumble,

but that just makes things
more interesting.

Stewart and I enjoy being together.

And these six months aren't worth
throwing away over a little fight.

Actually, I think they are.

What!

Kidding!

Man, I told 'ya,
you wouldn't know funny if it...

Now you see, I don't find that funny.

In fact, I find it cruel and distasteful,

but like I said,
everyone has their differences.

-Right?
-Right.

There's no getting through to these two!

Gwen Mezzrow.

Perhaps Nicky and Stewart aren't the ones
who should be breaking up.

It's true, Milo. The spark is gone.

It's better this way.

Goodbye.

I'll always love you, Gwen Mezzrow,

even though you just dumped me.

What? You dumped me!

That's crazy talk!
I'd never dump someone so cute!

Don't be fresh!

Crunch Pod?

I'm up.

Nicky and Stewart are a couple
of whiny neurotics,

Milo and Gwen Mezzrow are either fighting
or boring each other to death,

and Craig Bean never even showed up.

Love stinks!

[CRIES]

"I'm proud of you for speaking your mind
earlier, Pepper Ann."

Thanks, Nicky!
I'm glad we talked. Bye!

Sit down. We're not mad.

I guess I was a little harsh back there.

Well, it is possible

that your outburst was a tiny bit
rooted in jealousy.

Actually, not at all.

She said it was rooted in jealousy!

Still, I shouldn't have said
all those things.

If whatever you have going works for you,
then that's great.

Besides, like you said,

there's no such things
as a perfect couple.

Unless Craig and I got together,
but that'll never happen.

He didn't even come by.

Actually he...

-He did.
-What? What!

Well, funny thing.

I accidentally...

slammed the door on him.

You what?

The only reason I threw this stupid party
was so Craig could come by

and I could show him
how great coupledom was.

Now we need a whole 'nother party!

Hey, wait!

Stewart, isn't your birthday coming up?

Bar Mitzvah?

Quinceañaro?

Hello? Hello.

Anyone?

Okay. Nobody eat the eggs!

If anyone does eat the eggs,
induce vomiting

and call poison control immediately!

[MUSIC PLAYING]