05x06 - Two's Company/A is for Average

[bunniefuu]

SINGER: Who's that girl?
What's her name?

Is she cool?
Is she lame?

SINGER:
Oh, you're talking about what's her name

-SINGER: Pepper Ann!
-SINGER: Pepper Ann!

SINGER: Is she lame? Is she cool?

Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-SINGER: Pepper Ann!

SINGER: Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can
Pepper Ann!

-BOY: Who?
-GIRL: Is that that girl from gym class?

BOY: No, that's me.

SINGER: Who is she and why does she have
her own song?

BOY: Did someone take my lunch?

SINGER: Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade
No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!

-Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!
-A gold tooth.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[NICKY SCREAMS]

Ouch!

You see, Stewart,
the road turns to the left.

-Stewart, it's me!
-You might wanna try

-Nicky, this is the RC 500.
-turning with it next time.

-Couldn't you have just called?
-Because, the goal

is to cross the finish line,
not to fly off the road and...

I've been away at Zero Gravity Camp
for a whole week

and all you care about
is a silly little car race?

Really Stewart,
haven't you outgrown this by now?

Maybe I've outgrown you!

Are you guys breaking up?

-Sounds good to me.
-Me too! Also!

[SCREAMING]

Don't worry, the three of us
are gonna get through this together.

So just let it out Nicky, just let it out!

Actually, I'm fine.
In fact, I've never been better.

Look, I made a carnation. Or is it a mum?

You're not helping.
Stewart told Nicky he's outgrown her!

If Gwen Mezzrow ever told me
anything like that I'd be devastated!

I've outgrown you Milo. It's over.

Oh, how could he do this to me?

Oh, how could she do that to me?

[SOBBING]

Hey, I'm here for you guys. Group hug?

Oh, how can you possibly understand
what we're going through?

Have you ever had your heart
shredded into so many tortured pieces

of useless, wasted affection?

Huh? Have you?

Well, no, but I have an idea
of how you can get

Gwen Mezzrow and Stewart back.

-Pretend that you're dating each other.
-Huh?

Stewart and Gwen will get so jealous,
they'll come running back.

Don't thank me. I know it's genius.

We'll just start hanging out together.

Gwen and Stewart will jump
to conclusions soon enough.

You do realize that for this plan to work,

you guys are gonna have
to hang out together without me.

Hey, it's just one little sacrifice
to make in the name of true love.

Besides, it's only temporary.

You can do it guys. This is gonna work!

Of course, it'll work. I'm a genius.

Who are you talking to? You're all alone.

There's no one with you,
not one friend to keep you company,

no one at all.

I would push you in the swing,
but I have a fabulous party to attend.

You understand don't you,
very lonely girl?

-Long light.
-Yeah. Long.

It's green.

Milo? Where are we going?

PA usually decides where we go.

Well, what do you want to do?

I don't know.
We usually just do what PA wants to do.

Well, we don't have to do something.
We could just talk.

Sure! What do you want to talk about?

Maybe we should think of something to do.
But what?

What?

Wanna go for a bike ride?

Now may I go to the party,
very lonely girl?

For the last time, I'm not lonely.

In fact, it's nice to finally have
some quality time to myself.

And I'm going to enjoy it!

Who are you talking to? You're all alone.

Do you want me to push you?

Save your pity push
for someone who needs it.

This is great.

I've been by myself,
having the time of my life,

and the hours have just flown by.

It's only been 10 minutes.

the more time I can spend with me,

the better me I can be!

I wonder what's so funny.

I don't believe it!

It bothers you that Nicky and Milo
are actually coping without you.

Please! It doesn't bother me!

I just hope with all my heart
they can keep it up.

I mean, it's only been 10 minutes.

MILO:
So, you ever ride a tandem bike before?

No. But I did see one once
in a postmodernism exhibit at HAMA.

Oh, you like postmodernism? So do I!

Wow! I wonder
why I never knew that about you.

Well, we're usually talking about Dadaism.

Maybe 'cause PA
just likes to say the word "Dadaism."

TOMMY: Hey, that's weird.
It's Nicky and Milo without Pepper Ann.

I thought you said Milo
was, like, devastated?

-Hey, this is fun!
-Yeah!

PEPPER ANN:
Hey, you two!

[PANTING]

Imagine running into you two.

I mean what a coincidence,

I just happened to be out for a blade,
on my way to the new Dadaism exhibit,

and here you are.

So, how are things going?

We appreciate your concern, Pepper Ann,

but we should really
try to stick to the plan.

-You know, me, Nicky, and no you?
-Huh?

Wow! I never even knew
there was such a thing

as modern classical music.

Oh, you'd like it.

I bet as much as Pepper Ann
likes Flaming Snot.

[GASPS]

Wait a minuto.

Nicky Anais Little watches
Malibu Robots, too?

Hey, you guys, are you following me?

PA, get out of here.

If our plan is going to work,
we can't be seen with you.

Would you ever have believed
we had so many similar interests?

No. Well, maybe,

like if I saw it magically appear
on a tortilla,

then I would have believed it.

[CLATTERS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[GWEN SCREAMS]

To think,
if it weren't for Pepper Ann's plan

for us to do everything without her,

we never would have known
how much we had in common.

Don't need a magic tortilla
to believe that!

PEPPER ANN:
Where to now, guvnor?

-Pepper Ann!
-PA!

What?
I'm just trying to make a livin' here!

No tip?!

Can you believe that? Nary a hay-penny!

Just admit it.
You feel left out and lonely.

Well, I must be lonely
if I'm talking to a horse.

Don't worry.

Nicky and Milo
aren't going to exclude you forever.

You're their best friend.
And this plan was your idea.

So, relax and take advantage
of this time to yourself.

You're right.

We'll all be hanging out together again
in no time.

I've just gotta be patient
and let the plan work.

Come on, you guys,
let's dump this lousy plan

and start hanging out again.

I mean, let's face it,
the plan is definitely not work...

Excuse us for interrupting, Pepper Ann,

but Gwen and I
are going out of our minds with jealousy.

Nicky, will you forgive me
for what I said, and come back to me?

Oh, Milo, I'm sorry, too.
Will you please take me back?

Oh, thank Fuzzy!

I don't know, Stewart.
I really need to think about this.

[SNEEZES]

I'm gonna need a little time too,
Gwen Mezzrow.

What? What do you mean
you need to think about it?

What do you mean you need time?
How much time?

Nicky, honey, and Milo!
Time for Tae Kwon Do lessons!

Great. Now what am I gonna do?

Talk to animals again?

Granted, I'm no horse, but...

No, I've got a better idea.

-Tough class.
-Yeah. Tough.

You know, the rigor and discipline
of Tae Kwon Do has taught me something.

The reason we always do
whatever Pepper Ann wants to do

is because her ideas
are always a lot of fun.

And even though it was great
to get to know each other better,

Pepper Ann is our best friend
and if we're missing her this much

just think about how lost
and lonely she must be without us?

Yeah.

[PEPPER ANN HUMMING]

...and off they went to see
Turkle play his magical banjo.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, wow, it's worse than I thought.

Hey, PA.

I didn't know you guys were here, I swear!

It's okay.

The plan worked and Milo and I
both realized

that we missed Gwen and Stewart.

So, Nicky's back with Stewart
and Gwen Mezzrow and I

are once again the gruesome twosome.

Really?

We also realized
that we really missed you, Pepper Ann.

Nicky's not very good at Crunch Pod.

And Milo isn't very good at girl stuff.

Well, actually,
he is very good at girl stuff,

but I still missed you a lot.

Boy, am I glad you guys are back.

I have to admit, I got kinda lonely.

How'd you deal?

I finally realized
you don't have to feel lonely

just 'cause you're by yourself.

And it's amazing
how much I accomplished on my own.

I learned real talents
and valuable new skills.

Oh, Pepper Ann, we're so proud of you.

So, you up for some Crunch Pod, PA?

I'll catch up with you later.
I've still got all these spoons to bend.

Pretty soon, I'll be ready for shovels!

-Okay, later, PA.
-Call me.

It sure is good
to have everything back to normal.

Who are you talking to, very lonely girl?
There's no one around, yet...

[BELL RINGING]

Slow down, Pearson!

PEPPER ANN: Sorry, Principal Hickey.

Pepper Ann, we need to study
for the social studies test!

Okay, well, I have soccer at 2:45.

I have to meet and beat Milo
at Crunch Pod at 3:50

and watch The Adventures
of Future Fuzzy at 4:30.

How 'bout I meet you
at Greezy N' Cheezy to study at 5:00?

I don't know how you do it.

Scheduling, it's a gift!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-The old give...
-And go...

...and go, girl!

Later! I gotta go meet Milo at Brain Dead!

-I don't know...
-How she...

-...does it.
-Scheduling, it's a gift!

MILO: Oh, cruel forces of fate,
why hast thou forsaken me? Why?

Fate, shmate.

You're never gonna beat me
till you master the delicate balance

of hyper-thrust and turbo laser.

C'mon. Let's go watch us some Fuzzy!

Okay.

Just in time!
I don't know how you do it, P.A.

Scheduling. It's a gift.

Peppie, don't you have a hair appointment?

Oh, no, "Consuela's Magic Coif!"
My snip n' trim is in 10 minutes!

-What about Fuzzy?
-Record it for me!

Use the tape that says
"Bootie of Steel" on it.

MOM: Touch that tape and die.

What up, Consuela?

"Are you the leader of the pack?
Or just a lazy hack?

"Find out where you rank
with Gifta's IQ test."

Oh, what the heck.
I got some time to k*ll.

Oops, I thought that was C.
Got that one. Got that one.

Didn't get that one.

All right, 105! That would make me...

Average?

Hey, P.A.! Awesome haircut!

Did you take this test?

Yes, I scored a 156.

I would've scored a 162,
but I made a careless mistake

on the "How many newspapers could Billy
deliver in an hour uphill" question.

I skipped over the part
that said he was asthmatic.

This test said I was average!

What's wrong with being average?
Average is cool.

It's like you have just enough Yin
and just enough Yang.

Can it, Karma Boy!

You're great at art
and Nicky's great at, well, everything.

But what am I great at?

Pepper Ann, the true measure
of a person's greatness

is their ability to persevere.

-To face obstacles and not give up.
-Nicky, that's it!

I'll take the test again!
But this time I'll study for it!

No. That's not what I mean.
You can't study for that kind of...

I'll need an abacus. Yeah!

And some red meat for strength.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

C'mon! C'mere, chicky.

What?

And go!

M-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i.
I-p-p-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-m!

Not bad, but you'll have to do better
if you wanna be above average.

Pepper Ann,
I'm telling you this isn't the way...

And go!

M-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i.
I-p-p-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-m!

Somebody call Guinness and tell them
we have a new record

for spelling Mississippi
forwards and backwards!

I knew I could do it, because I,
Pepper Ann Pearson, am anything but...

Average? Again?

Now can we stop this nonsense
and study for our social studies test?

What's the use?

So that we can get good grades,

go to good schools
and become successful members of society

in the ever increasing
intellectually competitive future.

You go ahead, Nicky.
I'll always be average.

I'm only holding you back.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Pepper Ann, you just...
-Passed the ball...

-...to the other team!
-I'm sorry.

I just can't figure out
these complex plays.

Yes! I beat you!

PA, I can't believe you hyper-thrusted
right into the pod field!

What were you thinking?

I don't know.
Maybe it's time I give up Crunch Pod.

It's just too... hard.

ANNOUNCER: When last we left Future Fuzzy,
he had to decide between Ilsa,

his long lost love from the planet Paree,
and a shiny bucket of peanuts.

But the bucket's shiny, see.

Cartoons! They're just so complicated!

Where are you going?
Accelerated Algebra is this way.

I dropped out. I was only fooling myself.

I'm not smart enough
for Accelerated Algebra.

Pepper Ann, you were second in our class.

Oh, I know. But eventually
the class would speed up

and I'd be left
eating everybody's integer dust.

It's been sweet of you guys
to hang out with me all these years,

but it's time you guys
stop covering for me.

I'm going to start taking classes...

...more my speed.

Like, check it, Pepper Ann!
My lips are like my canvas.

Ow, my shirt.

For the last time, gimme your lunch money
or gimme your dollies!

[GASPS]
Pepper Ann, this has to end!

I can feel it, Nicky.

The dull haze of mediocrity

is working its way through my entire body
as we speak.

Don't stand so close.
It might be contagious.

You've taken this too far.

Go play soccer at 2:45,

then meet Milo 43 minutes later
and beat him at Crunch Pod,

then go watch
that Future Fuzzy thing at 4:30,

then do whatever you need to do
before studying with me

at 6:01 at my house.

Are you trying to hurt me?

My brain can't handle
that kind of scheduling anymore.

But three days ago,
you were the master of it.

It's only been three days?
Time sure drags when you're average.

[BELL RINGING]

Slow down.

Sorry, Principal Hickey.

Something's up with that girl.

[SNORING]

PRINCIPAL HICKEY: Pepper Ann Pearson,
please report to my office.

Immediately!

Pearson, I've noticed
some changes in your behavior.

Changes I am now seeing
in your classmates.

What do you mean?

Yesterday, the girl's soccer team lost
to Our Lady of Walnut,

also known
as "Our Lady of the Noticeable Limp."

Today, eight students
voluntarily transferred

from "Accelerated Algebra"
into "Art for Delinquents!"

Me dollies have no heads!

I've called in some specialists.

[GASPS]

-Is this the original carrier?
-We believe so.

Don't worry little girl,

you have what is known
as Mediocre Malaise.

We're going to take you
to a special, secured facility

where we can isolate you
so the rest of society won't be infected.

We have contained the source.
Tell Theta Zeta to begin Phase two

to search and clear out
all average students.

Prep the extraction team
for incoming quarantine.

-No! No!
-This could get ugly.

[GRUNTS]

Hey!

Nicky! Thank Fuzzy I found you!

A secret government agency
is trying to quarantine the school!

-You need to warn the others!
-Why me?

Because you're the smartest!
Everyone will believe you!

Am I really the smartest?

I mean, sure I'll eventually matriculate
to an Ivy League university

and be in the top 5% of my class,
but what about the top 1%?

Now, Nicky average like you.

Snap out of it, Nicky!

Tessa! Vanessa! Gather everyone up
and meet us at Greezy N' Cheezy!

Why? What's going...

-Huh?
-Oh, no! It's spreading.

Milo, why aren't you playing Crunch Pod?

I just figured, I could get better,

but I could never be
as good as the machine.

Sweet Mother of Crunch!
Why must you always take the good ones?

Come on, Pepper Ann!

Nicky, the outbreak guys are closing in!
We need a plan!

Nicky no remember how to tie shoes.

Okay. It's up to me. I can do this.

Be serious, PA.

How can you possibly expect
to outsmart people in spaceman suits?

You're average!
And now, thanks to you, we're all average!

Bunny go through the hole.

Good bunny!

We cannot let ourselves
be defined by scores on some test!

Even if our scores are average,
that doesn't mean we are average!

We each have our own unique qualities

and those qualities
are what make us great!

And don't let any test,
or any one, tell you different!

-Yeah!
-Yes. Yes, she speaketh truth!

Actually, Pepper Ann, it's "differently."

[GASPS]
You're back!

And Milo, you rock!
Thanks for pretending to doubt me.

Yeah. I thought that would work.

MAN: Attention children.

You are in grave danger
of catching Mediocre Malaise

if you haven't already.

We need to isolate the original carrier.

Which one of you is Pepper Ann?

I am Pepper Ann!

I am Pepper Ann!

I am the Pepper Ann!

I am Pepper Ann!

Well, look who's the queen
of stating the obvious!

Like, are you okay?

I'm fine! I'm fine and I'm back!

And as I mentioned,

our students routinely rank
in the top percentile on statewide scores.

Be careful.

The school bell is about to ring
and you know how kids can be

at the end of the day.

Slow down, Pearson.

Why? So you can call the National Guard
to section off the area

and isolate me as the carrier?

Well, know this, I'm on to you, Hickey,
I am on to you.

Hey, Milo! Up for some Crunch Pod?

Yes. Well, she's definitely
not your average student.

[MUSIC PLAYING]