05x13 - The Finale

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Who's that girl?
What's her name?

Is she cool?
Is she lame?

Oh, you're talking about
What's her name

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Is she lame? Is she cool?

Is she breaking every rule?

Is she anybody's fool?

-Pepper Ann!
-Pepper Ann!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million

Pepper Ann!
Pepper Ann!

Much too cool for seventh grade

Catch her if you can
Pepper Ann!

-BOY: Who?
-GIRL 1: Is that that girl from gym class?

MOOSE: No, that's me.

GIRL 2: Who is she and why does she have
her own song?

PEPPER ANN: Did someone take my lunch?

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!

Marching in her own parade

Pepper Ann
She's like one in a million!

Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann!
Much too cool for seventh grade

No one's cooler than Pepper Ann!

-She's her own biggest fan, Pepper Ann!
-Five bucks!

Catch her if you can, Pepper Ann!

CAPTAIN ANTIBODY: Spirochete,
what are you spreading now?

Lyme disease? Canicola fever?

All of the above, Captain Antibody.

While my decoy lured you
into the intestines,

I have multiplied and infected the liver.

Well, let's just see
what my antibody rays

have to say about that!

[LASER BLASTING]

You've won the battle, but not the w*r.

Insert your memory chip
and I'll see you in the pancreas!

So, Mr. Paxson? What'd you think?

It's good but I don't think it's ready
to submit

to the Office of Disease Control.

But why not?

Pepper Ann

creating a game that teaches kids
how a disease acts,

and how it can be conquered
that's an awesome task.

But this is missing oomph.

"Oomph"? What do you mean?

You know, when everything clicks.
When everything jives.

Oh, okay. "Oomph", "jive", "click."

I must've been sick the day
my M.I.T. microbiology teacher

taught us those very important concepts.

Listen, you're young. You're talented.

You'll figure it out.

Oomph. I'll show him "oomph"!

WOMAN: You have two new transmissions.

Hey, Pep, we're all meetin' for dinner
at O'Delligan's at 8:00.

Try not to be late this time!

Peppie, it's your mother.
Peppie? Peppie?

Anyhoo, look what just came in the mail!

An invitation to your 15 Year
Hazelnut Middle School Reunion!

I'll transport it to your apartment
right away! Call me!

[WHIRS]

So, I take it you're not gonna go?

I've gotta work on that video game.

Besides, why would I want to go reminisce
with people

-I have nothing in common with anymore?
-Haz-arsh.

Not really. You know how it is.
Things change. People change.

Case in point.

Audience, please welcome
former child star, Gina Gingham!

[APPLAUSE]

Gina, you and Tina grew up as the stars
of your own long-running sitcom,

Crazy Twin Shenanigans!

When did the shenanigans go from crazy
to hurtful?

Well, Sherri, that would be
when Tina took my money,

stole my husband,
and drove to Poker City!

SHERRI: Now, thanks for sharing, Gina.
Joining us now is Pepper Ann Pearson!

Pepper Ann, you haven't talked
to your childhood friends

Nicky Little or Milo Kamalani in years.

-Why?
-We just drifted apart.

Weren't you so eager to leave Hazelnut

that you let a precious friendship fall
by the wayside?

Well, after high school
we all went our separate ways.

Milo went to art school,
Nicky went to Harvard...

But you're the one who didn't return
phone calls and e-mails.

You told Milo you were too busy
to go to his wedding!

I had finals. I told him I was sorry.

Don't you owe your childhood friends
an apology for losing touch?

Don't you, Pepper Ann? Pepper Ann?

SUE: Pepper Ann?

Are you okay?

I think I need to get something
out of my trash.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CAR ENGINE WHIRRING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Man, I can't wait for
the end-of-the-year carnival to start.

Raw corn dog batter, come to papa!

Milo, there's more to the last day
of seventh grade than botulism.

-It's the end of an era.
-And the start of a new one.

Now that we're practically
eighth graders,

we can finally put away
all that embarrassing stuff

we've done in the past
and look to the future.

Hey, don't the yearbooks come back today?

Please don't be heinous,
please don't be heinous.

Pepper Ann,
we've all seen your yearbook picture.

But what about the other pictures?
The candid ones that no one's seen yet?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Who am I kidding?
It's stupid stuff like this

that'll haunt me
for the rest of my stinkin' life.

Hey, it's the last day of seventh grade!
Go sign some yearbooks!

Why? It's not like I'm gonna go
forgetting everybody.

After summer, we'll all be coming back
to this stupid school anyway.

I mean, geez, don't people realize
that nothing ever changes around here?

Oh, my baby's come home!

Hey, Mom. Hey, Alex Trebek.

Oh, for goodness sakes,
he's been your step-father

for three years now! Call him Alex!

Welcome, Pepper Ann!
I haven't seen you since the wedding!

And speaking of weddings,
this tribe of the Isfahan-Shiraz corridor

celebrate the arrival of the bride
and groom by yelling out

their traditional wedding cheer...

[MAKES SOUND]

-Moose!
-[GASPS] Peppie. You're choking me.

So, what are you doing back home?

Are you making Alex Trebek
do your laundry again?

I moved back in for the summer
while I intern

at the Large Animal Veterinary Clinic.

Besides,
Alex does get my whites so white.

Peppie, shouldn't you be getting ready
for the reunion?

Oh, yeah. The reunion.

It'll be just like old times.
Trust me.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[GASPS] Pepper Ann!
It's so good to see you!

Oh, you haven't changed a bit!

And you... [NERVOUS LAUGH]
You look... Who are you?

It's me! Stuart Walldinger!

Raced RC cars?

Dated your best friend Nicky Little
for two years?

Sorry. Doesn't ring a bell.

What about Nicky? Is she already here?
I've been following her car-reer!

Her career!

Move along, please!

Pepper Ann! I can't believe it!

You are so cool!

Constance Goldman! How are you?

I'm great, thanks!
I'm surprised you didn't come

with Nicky and Milo,
you three were inseparable

in middle school!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Pearson! After all these years,
you've finally come back to torment

the old middle school principal.

Admit it. Admit it!

No offense, Principal Hickey,
but I think you're being paranoid.

Me? Paranoid?

You! Sister, after all these years
you've finally come back to torment

the old middle school principal.

Oh, Pepper Ann!

Dieter?

After graduation I conquered
my bad eating habits

and discovered the miracle of isometrics!

I'm clenching as we speak!

-Pork-fried spring roll?
-No, zhank you.

WOMAN: Over here, girlie!

That's right, I'm talkin' to you!
Mama's hungry!

NICKY: Pepper Ann?

Nicky, hi.
It's good to see you.

You too. You're looking well.

Punch! Look, they have punch!
Let me get you some punch!

ALTER EGO: What are you waiting for?
Tell her you're sorry for losing touch!

Look, I'm gonna apologize.
I just need to pick my moment.

-Hey, Clarence?
-And Terrance?

-That's who we were...
-...telling you about, Pepper...

-...Ann. She's gotten...
-...worse since...

-...middle school.

-That's sad...
-...and kinda scary!

Look away, Monica and Veronica!

VANESSA:
You too, Shawndra and Yolandra!

Nicky, I've been meaning to...

Like, hey, Pepper Ann.
Hey Nicky. Hugs but no kisses?

Oh, I just don't want to like
smear my mahogany lip liner?

I, like, got it at cost for working
the cosmetic counter

at Veronica's Treasures.

That's great Cissy!
So what else is up with...

Okay, enough about my beautiful lips!
What are you guys up to?

I'm working as a reporter
for the World Street Journal.

Oh, that's the perfect job for you?
'Cause you were always, like...

Aren't my nails pretty?
[LAUGHS]

SHELF: Hey! Hey!

If it isn't Pepper Ann and Nicky!

Best friends from Middle School!

Pose for a picture, m'blessed children?

What's up, everybody?
Have you all met my daughter, Zoe?

Milo, hey!

Where's the missus?

Oh, Bettina's back in the hotel
with an upset stomach.

We're thinkin' there might be some
bad spring rolls floatin' around town.

Hey, Milo. Hey, Zoe.

What up, PA?

So Nicky, how's the new boyfriend?

Nicky, you have a new boyfriend?

Kevin. And he's fine.
Well, I hear he's fine.

We're still trying to resolve
that whole "Lake Tammy" issue.

Nicky! You look great!

Man, what we had was so special!

I think about you every day!

Who are you?

Nic, it's me! Stuart! Raced RC cars?

We dated for two years
in middle school?

Oh, Stuart, I was kidding!
I could never forget you!

I think this is the guy
who accosted Kevin in Lake Tammy.

Former HMS seventh and eighth graders,
good evening and welcome!

Vera Groober was supposed
to introduce our next speaker,

but unfortunately,
she's no longer with us.

[ALL GASPS]

She's cashed in her pension
and moved to Cabo.

Keep 'em coming, Alejandro!

And is it me
or do you get cuter every day?

Having spent the last three years
as an aide to Senator Beatty,

I am proud to introduce
my political hero.

Ladies and gents,
our former student body president,

and current President
of the entire free world.

Mark Hamill!

[APPLAUSE]

Well, first of all, thanks to everyone
who supported my health care bill!

All two of you.

Now, without further ado,
let's kick off the festivities

by opening up the time capsule
the seventh and eighth graders

buried 15 years ago!

-Time capsule?
-That's right! Time capsule!

What better way to give props
to the seventh grade

than to write a letter to yourself
which you'll bust out

at your reunion 15 years from now!

That's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard!

There's no way I'm ever coming back
to this sorry school!

This one's from Milo Kamalani.

It reads, "Dear Me, in 15 years,
I'll have made it in the art world

by shellacking food-based sculptures
or at the very least

making Christmas tree ornaments
out of toe-nail clippings."

That's right,
and for the weak of stomach,

you can visit my gallery online.

"PS. I'll never forget the friends
I have made here at HMS."

This one's from Nicky Little!

She writes, "Dear Me, I hope to follow
in the footsteps of Dian Fossey,

and Amelia Earhart
and go where no girl has gone before.

And, of course I'll remember
the good times I've had at HMS."

What'd I write? I can't remember.

CRAIG: Hey, Pearson...

PEPPER ANN: Hey, Craig Bean!

What're you up to these days?

Been workin' at the high school.
Coachin' swim, teachin' trig.

And y'know hanging out with my girl.

Girl? Well, that sounds...

Something wrong?

Now don't hold back.
Write what's in your heart!

Fine. I'll write what's in my heart.

"Dear Whoever, Yearbooks are stupid,
everyone at this sorry school is dumb

and will amount to nothing,
except for me.

P.S. I'll also be married to Craig Bean
and we'll have four children.

Coco, Magoo, Bernstein, and Craig Jr."

My life is trash. All over again.

What am I gonna do?
President Hamill is gonna read my letter.

And I'll look like an idiot in front
of Nicky, Milo, Craig and everyone!

ALTER EGO: Come on!
You were young when you wrote that.

No one'll even care!

I care! I gotta get outta here!

You can't keep running away
from your problems!

You're not in the seventh grade, anymore!

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

Last day of seventh grade carnival,
here we come!

Guys, why go to some lame carnival
where we'll eat rancid corn dogs

and play un-winnable games of chance
when we could go to "Fuzzy World"

and eat rancid corn dogs
and play un-winnable games of chance?

So you took some horribly
unflattering pictures! Deal with it!

How? By going to some stupid carnival

and rehashing old times
like some sentimental drone?

The seventh grade is over!
It's time to do things on our own terms

and start making our own decisions!

Well, watch me make a decision
to go to the required school activity!

-Fine! Come on, Milo.
-Sorry, P.A.

It's my last chance to say goodbye
to everybody.

Call me a sentimental drone.

So, are you going to run away
to Fuzzy World

or go to the carnival
and face things like an adult?

NICKY: Pepper Ann? Where are you going?

I was just gonna look for you guys.

Something's happened and I'm hoping
you'll see the humor in it.

You wrote what?

You realize, PA, that we both wrote
about what friendship means to us

and you wrote about us
amounting to nothing.

I know, and I'm sorry.
I was having a bad day.

But if my letter is read,
I'm gonna look like an idiot!

Unless, we can get to that letter
before President Hamill reads it!

Pepper Ann, we're adults.
This isn't the seventh grade, anymore.

Nicky's right.
We'd be totally regressing.

-BOTH: We're in.
-Great! We'll need a plan.

No offense, PA,
but your plans tend to be a little...

-Ill-thought out.
-What do you mean?

MAN: Fuzzy hates kids
with ill-thought out plans.

Especially plans
that involve playin' hooky from school!

But it wasn't ill-thought out!

It wasn't even hooky!
I was just ditching a lame carnival!

I swear!

Okay, Nicky, you think of a plan.

Maybe I can convince
President Hamill's bodyguards

I'm writing a story on the reunion!

Perfect! You get to President Hamill,
lure him off stage,

at which point Milo can distract
everyone else from noticing me,

while I snatch my letter
out of the capsule!

Query. How am I supposed to distract
everybody else?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You're gonna sing!

How come no one ever comments
on how much we've changed?

-I'm parting my hair on the other side.
-MS. STARK: I'm wearing new boots.

I had the coffee stains
bleached out of my teeth.

Never mind.

Well, if it ain't Nicky Little!

It's so great to see 'ya, again!

Well, hello, Mama Destruct-- [SCREAMS]

I retired from wrestling
undefeated champeen of the world

and now I'm a Secret Service agent
assigned to protect President Hamill!

Well, kudos to you! I'm a journalist now

and I need to get a quick interview
with President Hamill!

Not so fast
you opportunistic little hustler!

Milo, get ready, as soon as Nicky
distracts the President, you're up!

So, you got anything from Frank Sinatra
or John Lennon?

Can't you read? "Public Domain."

I got, "Oh Susannah,"
"Mary Had A Little Lamb,"

and "Polly Put the Kettle On."

But nobody likes those songs.

That's the beauty of public domain!

You just change the words
so it sounds like a brand new song.

That's the cheapest thing
I've ever heard!

Hey, that's why they call me Mr. Cheap.

See, Mama?
This is what's called a press pass!

It gives journalists like me access
to public figures like Mark Hamill!

Sorry, Little.
This ain't a press conference.

-That ID's no good.
-No good?

What do you mean it's no good?

CARNY: I said it's no good!

You didn't knock over any milk bottles!

Ordinarily I'm opposed to fisticuffs,

but if you wanna piece of me, carny,
let's dance!

Woman, chill!

Pepper Ann would have figured out a way
to knock those milk bottles over!

-If she were here.
-[SIGHS]

I bet she's having the time of her life
at Fuzzy World.

Someone get me out of here!

Nicky was right.
Who cares if I took some stupid pictures?

I shoulda gone to the carnival
with my friends.

I have a question.
Why is your yap trap always open?

That's it, Mama! You want a bowl of pain
from Nicky's kitchen? Huh?

Is anyone sitting here?

Course not. Why would anyone want to sit
next to someone they don't remember?

Stuart Walldinger. Raced RC cars,
dated Nicky Little for two years.

I always thought you were cute.

I actually thought
Milo Kamalani was cuter,

but he has a kid
and a ring on his finger!

I'm just shocked you remember me!
You even know my name!

-So, you married?
-No.

Wanna ditch this joint
and grab an oxychino?

Yeah, I'd love to!

Wow! That Gwen Mezzrow
hasn't changed a bit!

Who?

And this next letter
is from Pepper Ann Pearson...

She writes "Dear Me...

Oh, Susannah, don't you charge a fee
'Cause I come from Argentina

With a poncho stained with...

No!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[PRESIDENT GRUNTS]
-[ALL GASPS]

[GASPS]

No!

[SCREAMS]

I don't get it. I'm free to go?

Nicky! Milo! How did you guys find me?

Well, after the carnival let out,
we searched for you

around the Bowler Coaster
and the Tilt-A-Hurl...

...and figured Fuzzy Jail
was the next logical place to look.

[SIGHS]
Sorry, for bailing on you guys.

I shoulda known Fuzzy World
wasn't gonna be fun without you.

The seventh grade carnival wasn't fun
without you either, P.A.

But now it's too late.

I spent the whole day in Fuzzy Jail,
missed the carnival,

and didn't get to say goodbye to anyone.

A bunch of us are meetin' up
at the Greezy 'N Cheezy.

-You can say goodbye there.
-You guys rock.

If you two ever end up in jail,
know this, I'll be there to bail you out.

Me! In jail! That's rich!

What is my editor going to say?

What is my wife gonna say?

You're free to go, kids.

But speaking as a friend,
not as Chief of Police, here's a tip.

Keep your distance from Mark Hamill.
He's very litigious.

Well, on the bright side,
I got my letter!

You guys must be pretty mad, huh?

Actually, I can't remember the last time
I had this much fun!

What? Nicky, how can you say that?
You're in jail.

Exactly. How straight-laced and boring
would I be without the two of you?

Nicky's right. This is the stuff
that memories are made of.

Guys, I'm sorry I lost touch with you.

Somewhere along the line,
I just forgot

what your friendship meant to me.

We all have to try harder from now on.

The three of us together,
we got something. We got... Oomph!

Hey, Milo,
are you still good at video games?

You're asking me? I'm The King.

And Nicky, you wrote that article
on computer graphics a while back, right?

Not to brag,
but it was one of my better pieces.

Well, see, I've been having problems
with this video game project

I've been developing...

I agree with Nicky,
if I were you,

I'd try to spell out
Captain Antibody's agenda a little more.

You're right!
But in a way kids can relate to!

NICKY: Let's discuss it over a game
of Crunch Pod. For old time sake.

MILO: They turned Brain Dead
into a pet store.

-PEPPER ANN: What about Burger Fortress?
-NICKY: Pawn shop.

-MILO: Freezy Pleezy?
-NICKY: Health food store.

PEPPER ANN:
[SIGHS] It's good to be home.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, Pearson. On your way outta town?

Oh, hey, Craig.
Yeah, I'm headin' back to the city but...

I have a feeling
I'll be coming back a lot.

Maybe next time you could,
you know, look me up or something.

Er, sure. You and your...

-Girl.
-[BARKS]

It's a date.

Have a safe trip, girleen.

Thanks. I will.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I had an order to go for Pearson?

One small pepperoni pizza.
That'll be twenty-eight fifty.

GIRL: Man, I hope I didn't bum
that history test.

Tell me about it.

Sorry to bother you guys,
but would you mind

if I sat in this booth? Just for a sec?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MILO: Hey, P.A., pass the parmi.

NICKY: Did anyone see that documentary
on the Brontë sisters?

PEPPER ANN: No,
but I saw Craig at the pool today.

I had to put on sunscreen.
'Cause, boy, was lookin' hot!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hmmm.

Thanks, guys. Sorry to bother you.

What was with her?

Old people.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]