03x03 - The Eex Files / The Hurting Show

[bunniefuu]

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a lot of things

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yes

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God

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thank you what a ride

eek

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yes

the magical dancing piece of glass he's

really sharp and he's kind of a nut if

you sit on his head he'll stick it up

yay guess what he we're going to England

I'll go pick an Heritage castle and he

invited us to come over and help him

clean it is that exciting

Kumbaya England

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Championship mom's really been giving

her language nomadicates a workout

learning to speak the complex language

of England must be another Kipper would

you blow I would eat anything

would you blow

boy planes are neat and I scored a great

seat next to this happy man

no no on the wing there's something on

the wing something horrible

please look am I crazy

sorry mister I don't see anything

no no hey I saw it

now put me down lights on I told you I

thought no put me down have a nice

flight ladies and gentlemen will now be

starting our meal service

well that's everyone now it's time for

mine now

okay

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it's hot on the wing I I saw it

phew that could have been a disaster huh

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wow

my day my day this is Galileo I'm gonna

lay alone I can't hold on to her these

alien mechanisms are not responding

repeat alien controls do not respond

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hey what luck this plane's being piloted

by that highly trained Air Force pilot

I've never felt safer in my life

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hmm something tells me that wasn't a

good thing

the coward he should have stayed with it

well we've crashed another alien

spacecraft you did Hank there's only one

recovered alien spacecraft left to

experiment with if we can't get that

baby to fly Congress will surely take

away our secret funding jib you sure

will Hank they'll divert our funds to

their privilege us causes like education

disease research and Social Security we

can't let that happen the Galileo

project must be a success or all my

time's been in hiding will have been for

naught we must find someone somewhere

who can figure out these ships

get your controls let's try

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just activated

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well uh I was on my way to Uncle Vic's

castle of England to help clean us sorry

Uncle fix Castle is not on our

pre-programmed solitarian flight path to

destroy

well well how about just putting me back

on the ground please your command to

land is now being ex*cuted also

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[Applause]

you're not gonna believe this but that

alien ship has piling itself back to the

base

I tell you it's one of them he's all

purple and fuzzy he's here to reclaim

his ship

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gee thanks for the ride Mr zultarian

deathship we have reached your

destination intact if you would like to

lift off again press one for hyperspace

press two destroy a planet populated by

humans press three to talk to an actual

zoltarian press four now to find a way

to get back on my airplane so I can get

to Uncle Vic's Castle in England hello

hello

friendly aliens hello to you how may I

help your people we

need your help of course I will it never

hurts to help

hmm must be some kind of alien gesture

of welcome

can you tell me where you come from well

uh I fell from the sky I guess and I

sure would like to get back up there I'm

sure you would I wonder if you'd come

with me we have a few questions for you

sure it never hurts your help

well uh Mr um hideously mutated space

creature uh Alien uh that's Sky person

jib

oh that's right you space folk like to

be called Sky people now anyway

um you're only the second live Sky

personally we've ever captured uh I mean

encountered well you don't fall out of

the sky every day

no you certainly don't and that's why we

are anxious to talk to you especially

Captain Amelia Earhart here

tell the world why don't you uh I mean

Mrs uh lady here she'd like to ask you a

few questions go right ahead Mrs lady

please just call me

Mr eek here at the Galileo project we

have restored All the known recovered

spacecraft that have crash landed on our

planet we've attempted to fly them

ourselves with very little luck and so

far you're the only Sky person if I may

who seems to have a grasp with this

technology

well all we ask is the answer to one

more space flight question only you can

tell us how this one thing works if I

could I captured I um I mean made a

guest of this young souvlakian space

being

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gee you look kind of sad in that cage no

don't be silly that's the way his kind

likes to live well I was not aware

so here it is the creature's spaceship

per chance you know how it works perhaps

you know how to drive it hey a Nifty

bike with a bar I'll show you how

this works

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it's time all right Hank glitter um rip

you got it jib

e

come on that's my hue

here goes nothing

well where is that stupid Sky person you

should be flying over Us by now here he

comes

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so Mr Sky person won't fly it huh trying

to make me look better oh no Mission

lady those babies really fly going

downhill but across the desert in 100

degree heat is different downhill oh I

see you won't cooperate is that it just

like your little space friend in there

don't worry we want to know all about

we have other ways you can help that's

great Mrs lady I like your help yes yes

yes we want to treat you to the same

Hospitality we show all intelligent

beings from other galaxies who visit our

planet another alien deception they're

so messy can't we wait until after lunch

I oh oops why not just call The Inquirer

alien dissection

little alien I saw I was in trouble I

have to help him

foreign

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I think those scientists have bad things

in mind for everyone

huh

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here they come we got him now

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so on call us when you get there send us

a postcard bring me back something

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gee mystery space pal thanks for giving

me a lift back to my airplane

be good

bye

hello

hi hey can you help me get this open I

uh left my wallet in there and got this

panel's stuck sure it never hurts to

help

all right mister I wonder we've proven

there's nothing on the wing do you think

you'll be okay now sure yes I'm sorry I

was just seeing things

I'm very sorry I'll be fine really

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today on the herding show men who are

stuck in their Neanderthal ways and

won't face what's really bothering them

welcome to Today's Show Bill show what

are you talking about what is this this

show you see Bill I've noticed you're

constantly hurting both inside and out I

found a way to make you feel better by

talking about it

I've invented the talk show well and uh

how does this stupid talk show work it's

easy watch has anyone here today ever

been hurt

you gotta raise your hand bill

of course I've been hurt when I'm with

you that's all that ever seems to happen

hurting in pain hurting in pain I think

someone needs to talk

to me about some of the things that have

hurt you Bill

well how about that porcupine that you

convinced me was the world's first

beanbag chair ah why the holy man if you

kept as a pet that thought I was the

world's first beanbag chair

and how about the jungle slug that imma

swallowed my head huh how about that huh

you wanna know hurt have a jungle sludge

you on your skull for a while well bill

I think you just need a chance to

confront those things that have hurt you

to talk things out so

with us here today are the

porcupineysaurus The Woolly Mammoth and

the jungle slug

s have an open and honest dialogue let

it all out bill

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I don't know why the General's so mad at

us all the time he treats us like kids

I'm not looking forward to this meeting

with the general man he's just gonna

yell at us man good fails to realize the

humans are more dangerous and crafty

than a military intelligence had

calculated don't worry I'm sure we'll

convince him to give us another chance

sure guys I mean General Galapagos May

yes you can tell deep down inside he

really believes in US

and when you're through with that you

can paint over the names on their

parking spaces those Thunder lizards are

true you hear me through

what

no hey guys check it out I don't like

the looks on this no no

yeah guys it looks like that mean old

lady won't give those Dino guys their

purse back

pick on some on your own side

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oh well see we're pathetic sniveling

bullies uh pretty much useless and weak

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someone around size we stand a chance to

being harmed so if we harm weaker folks

and old ladies there's a pretty good bed

we'll walk away unscathed now they've

got to play perfect sense time for a

rude awakening Dino dots

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here you go lady thank you young man

aren't you the terrible Thunder lizards

those w*r criminals

of course not ma'am those Thunder

lizards and Jurassic Penitentiary yeah

and even if we were them and and let's

say we were let go to perform top secret

military missions and you recognize this

we couldn't possibly let you live

oh well okay thanks anyway this is my

stuff

that's it from now on I'm taking the bus

hey guys that was close our cover was

almost blown

come in Biff we may have to alter our

kidnapping plan oh cruel one General

galapagos's wife disembarked rather

unexpectedly what if we can't kidnap the

General's wife our plan is useless I

wouldn't be so sure you see the train is

occupied by none other than the terrible

finalisms that's great news we'll

destroy the trade instead leaving

nothing but tiny bits of stuff and frame

those lovingly Thunder lizards

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foreign

I'm not sure we're really getting to the

core of the hurting bill

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right

that's better Bill breathe just breathe

stop the insanity what

hmm

that's the sound of all those bad

feelings letting go it's a train

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another hurting stop

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here they come everybody get ready

it's the humans blast them with the BB

g*ns

foreign

[Applause]

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Squad you hear something yeah I think

it's coming from this train passenger

we're standing on

sorry sir

we moved

foreign

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well if all is going according to plan

Biff should be in the Train's engineer

room by now hijacking the train he'll

stop the train right here and we'll hurt

off the passengers Lance you're in

charge of rounding up the hostages

Seymour you're in charge of humiliating

the smaller males Sydney you'll start

making sandwiches what the

yeah is there anything we can do for you

sir yes please form a circle around me

so I can punch you each in the stomach

well you really did it this time you

shut up a commuter train all this is

Rich this is wonderful

it wasn't anything General oh it's

something all right it's the end it's

the end of you stupid hopeless useless

and comfortable there you are honey I

wasn't expecting you

you three are the bravest dinosaurs on

earth Honey Sweetie scaly lips I am

confused you know these three didn't you

hear what happened the thugasaurs

attacked a train my train these Brave

Thunder lizards helped me off right

before the as*ault began why they

probably saved my life I insist that we

reward them and I have the perfect idea

we're going to take them to our lake

house for the weekend

your offer is most kind Mrs Galapagos

but I'm afraid that would be

overstepping our boundaries yes ma'am

they can hardly be expected to be so

lavishly rewarded for what we quite

simply are trained to do heroics come

with the job ma'am we don't need any

weekend at the lake to feel satisfied

with what we did oh but I insist

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here

's um

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oh man you make a meme failure Elizabeth

clutter and trilobite jelly sandwich Mrs

Galapagos

um

well there's plenty in the basket have

as much as you want

I wonder if General Galapagos wants a

sandwich

I'm sure he does toss him one squat you

go sir

why huh he doesn't look happy maybe he's

not hungry say Doc but someone's water

skiing shouldn't someone be looking

ahead you know like steering the boat of

course squat

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and believes me but we dinosaurs are

doomed I just know it

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thank you

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