01x20 - The Golden Fleecing

[bunniefuu]

Boy, can she kiss.
It must be love.

[HUMMING]

She loves me. She loves me not.

She loves me.

Yippee!

What the...?

♪ Top Cat! ♪

♪ The most effectual Top Cat! ♪

♪ Who's intellectual close
friends get to call him T.C. ♪

♪ Providing it's with dignity ♪

♪ Top Cat! ♪

♪ The indisputable leader
of the g*ng. ♪

♪ He's the boss, he's a pip,
he's the championship. ♪

♪ He's the most tip top ♪

♪ Top Cat ♪

♪ Yes he's a chief
he's a king ♪

♪ But above everything
He's the most tip top ♪

♪ Top Cat! ♪

[SINGING "WHILE STROLLING
THROUGH THE PARK ONE DAY"]

[SCATTING]

I wonder where the g*ng
is today. Hey!

What's the big idea, Benny?

-Shh. Not so loud.
He might hear you.
-Who might hear me?

Well, speak up. Speak up, boy.

I'm being followed, T.C.

Everywhere I go, I hear
footsteps behind me. Listen.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

-Hear?
-I hear, I hear.

The wages of sin bear
bitter fruit.

Haven't been paying
your bills again, huh?

For a week now,
every time I turn around...

...there's a guy behind me.

-I can't shake him.
-A process server, no doubt.

But never fear. The master
will show you how to handle
these petty problems.

[CRASH]

Aha! Now there, my good fellow--

Well, if isn't Officer Dibble.
Ha-ha-ha.

-How are you, sir?
-All right, who's the wise guy?

[IN UNISON]
Him.

DIBBLE:
Do I have to remind you
characters...

...what the penalty is
for interfering with the law?

Oh, please don't be harsh
with us, sir.

My round little friend
has a problem, and I was just
trying to help.

Yeah? Well, I got problems
of my own.

And you guys
better keep out of my hair.

-Get it?
BOTH: Got it.

[PHONE RINGING]

I'll get it. Oh, sorry, sir.
Force of habit.

It's probably for you, sir.

DIBBLE:
Thank you very much.

Hello? Dibble here.

Oh, yeah, sarge.

What?

Old lady Perkins and her mob
are at it again? Huh?

Pulled another job last night?

Okay, sarge. I'll get
right on it.

Uh, say, sarge,
I'm kind of short-handed.

So if you can find another guy
to help out....

Yeah, sarge, okay. Good bye.

Uh, pardon me, officer,
but I just couldn't help
overhearing...

-...and I was wondering--
-Make it fast, will you?
I'm in a hurry.

Uh, well, sir, I hate
to see you start
on a dangerous mission alone.

-Go on.
-I mean, for three squares
a day and a small fee...

...Benny and I would happy
to be "deputerized."
Wouldn't we, Benny?

Yeah, we'd be delighted.
What's "deputerized"?

DIBBLE:
Now hear me good.

Nabbing this g*ng means
a promotion. I want
that promotion.

And providing I don't have
to spend my time
keeping you guys in line...

...I'm gonna get that promotion.
So get lost.

[IN UNISON]
Yes, sir.

Pests.

Hey, Top Cat, Officer Dibble
is sure touchy, huh?

Forget it, Benny boy.
We all have days like that.

Now then, about this man
who follows you.

Let me have
a complete description.

-Well, he's about so high.
TOP CAT: So high.

-And about so big.
TOP CAT: So big.

And he had on dark shiny shoes
and a light gray suit.

TOP CAT:
Dark shiny shoes and
a light gray suit.

Like these.

Yeah, those are the ones.

Don't panic, Benny.
I told you, I'll handle
everything.

Yeah. Uh, yes, sir.
What can I do for you, sir?

I'm looking for a fellow
known as Benny the Ball.

Would you know
where I could find him?

-I have something very important
to give him.
-A subpoena, if I ever saw one.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, sir,
but you just missed him.

He left on a plane for
Switzerland. Wonderful skiing,
you know.

Oh, that's too bad. This is
a rather large check
to carry around, and I--

I hear they have 18 inches and--
Check? What check?

Why, the insurance-claim check.

The settlement for Mr. Ball's
accident three years ago.

My accident?

You mean, the one I had
in Detroit when the old lady
ran into me?

Settlement, you say? And
what might the amount be, sir?

MAN:
Two thousand dollars.

Two thousand dollars for being
run over three years ago?

I, uh, don't suppose your
company has taken into
consideration...

...the fact that Mr. Ball was
permanently disabled by
that unfortunate accident.

Permanently disabled? I thought
you said he was skiing
in Switzerland.

Oh, yeah, so I did.
Yes, that's right.

Doctor's orders to help
straighten that poor
sad little twisted back.

Well, I'm sorry, but Mr. Ball
signed a release...

...to accept
any settlement offered.

-However, since he isn't here--
-That's as high as you'll go,
huh?

Definitely.

Just a minute. I'll have
to consult with my client.

-But you said he just left.
-True. But I think I hear him
retuning now.

Marvelous service
on the new jets.

Benny boy, this nice man
has come to offer you
compensation...

...for your terrible injuries.

That's very nice of him,
all right. But I really
don't think--

TOP CAT:
That's right.
You don't think it's enough

for all you've suffered,
and I agree, Benny.

MAN: Two thousand. Take it
or leave it.
TOP CAT: We'll take it.

-Thank you and good day.
-Yes, indeed. Good day, sir.

Benny, my friend, old pal,
fortune has smiled upon us
this day.

Yeah, 2000 smackers.

Uh, let me have my check, T.C.
I know of a nice hamburger joint
for sale.

Please, don't disturb me.
I'm thinking.

Small down payment and all
the free hamburgers I can eat.

TOP CAT:
Quiet, glutton.

I'm hungry, T.C.
Let me take my money now.

Ugh! What I must teach you
about business.

Never let your stomach
rule your head, boy.

Okay, but while you're teaching
me, couldn't I be eating?

This calls for a meeting
of the board of directors.

Julie, Julie, Julie,
I've never met a girl like you.

Come away with me, baby,
and we'll fly to the moon.

Oh, Fancy-Fancy, this is
so sudden. What can I say
but "yes"?

[LIDS CLANGING]

Uh-oh. Sounds like Top Cat.

Well, talk about impulsive.
He left without me.

Come, come, men.
Assemble. Assemble.

-I'm hungry.
-Quiet, Benny.

We have big, big things
to discuss.

Hey, observe the boss, Fancy.

He's got that look
we've come to know and love.

I know. He smells money.

TOP CAT: Quiet, gentlemen.
I have something important
to announce.

Our friend Benny the Ball
has come into some money.

-Hey, what did I tell you?
-Naturally, he gave it to me
for safekeeping.

It's so safe,
I ain't even seen it.

I'll tell you what.
Being a democratic
organization...

...we will now elect a treasurer
in charge of disbursement.

-I nominate me.
CHOO-CHOO: I second the
nomination.

-All in favor, say "aye."
ALL: Aye.

-All opposed, say "no."
-Now, wait a minute. I--

Thank you, thank you.
The ayes have it,
and it's unanimous.

Now, first, we go the bank
and cash the check.

Tomorrow, we will carefully
consider investment
possibilities...

...but tonight, we celebrate.

There's a show
at the Pink Palm, T.C...

...with a chorus line
that's va-va-va-voom.

TOP CAT:
Good, fellow.
I like your thinking.

Rendezvous at the Pink Palm
at 8:00, men.

Shall we to the bank now, Benny?

Okay. But on the way to the
bank, could we maybe stop and--?

Not another word.
I know what you're thinking.

-You do?
-Yeah.

A big, juicy double hamburger,
right?

Wrong. A big, juicy
double cheeseburger.

TOP CAT: Of course, I see
it now. With lots of relish.

-And ketchup.
TOP CAT: With pickle
in the middle.

That's right. You've got it.
Can I have it?

TOP CAT:
Forget it. You just had it.

Then can I have another?
I'm still hungry.

"The Pink Palm presents
Honeydew Mellon."

Boy, what a dish.

[SINGING]

Lovely creature. Lovely.

She's beautiful.

Forget it, Benny. Better
you stick with hamburgers.

Just a minute, please.
Do you have reservations?

Certainly. Mr. Benjamin Ball
and party.

Uh, well, there must be
some mistake. I have nothing
here under that name.

Oh, really?
Well, perhaps if you look again.

HOST: Huh? Oh, ahh, ha, ha.
How stupid of me.

Of course, of course,
I wrote it down myself. Ha, ha.

Please forgive me.

Ringside for Mr. Ball and party.

Oh, boy, ringside.

That Top Cat like, uh,
has a way about him.

FANCY:
Yeah, money.

Gee, what a group.

Uh, show them our special menu,
Charlie. Know what I mean?

I got you. Live ones.

[SINGING]

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

That Honeydew can really sing.

Yeah, like, this is
what I call living.

This is what I call spending.

Please, please. This evening,
we won't worry about finances.

This is Benny's night,
and we're all gonna enjoy it.

CHARLIE:
Your order, sir.

We'll all have what Mr. Ball
orders. What will it be, Benny?

-Honeydew Mellon.
-No, dinner, Benny, dinner.

What do you want for dinner?
Champagne? Filet mignon?

Honeydew Mellon.

Ha, ha. Mr. Ball seems to be
quite smitten over your singer.

Would you, uh, ask her to join
us? And bring us everything.
Everything.

Mr. Ball is celebrating.
So give us the works.
Understand?

CHARLIE:
That's what you'll get, sir.

The boss says the special
treatment for those guys
over there.

They're loaded.

Well, in that case, I'll just go
over and make them feel at home.

Ooh!

So nice of you to ask me
to join your group, Mr. Ball.

No, no. No, no, my dear, I'm not
Mr. Ball. This is Mr. Ball.

You must have heard of him.
Mr. Benjamin U. C. Ball.

U. C.? What does that mean?

Silly girl. U. C.:
Unlimited Credit.

[SQUEALS]

Well, hello there, U. C.

Ooh, you won't believe this,
but you are the spitting image
of my brother, Archie.

-No kidding.
-Oh, yes, you look
just like him.

I can't wait for you
to meet my mumsie and daddy.

They won't believe
the resemblance.

You want me to meet
your mother and father?

Ooh, we'll build a big fire,
roast popcorn...

...drink hot chocolate,
play poker..

Your mommy and daddy play poker?

Oh, yes, every night.
But just for fun and diversion.

Just for fun and diversion, huh?
Of course.

But tell me, while you're
having fun, what kind of game
are you playing?

Goodness gracious. I know
so little about games of chance.

I understand.

But we usually play five-card
draw, 2 bucks to open...

...only two raises allowed
and no sandbagging, mister.

Or, uh, something like that.

Well, uh, Benny can't play poker
with you. He doesn't have
any money.

-But you said--
-Unlimited credit.

But no cash. I hold that
for him.

But you two kids run along
and have fun.

-Uh, waiter. Check, please.
-Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

There you are, my good fellow.
Keep the change.

[SQUEALS]

Goodness.

I've never seen that man's
picture before. Who is it?

TOP CAT:
Oh, that was Benjamin Franklin.

And this one here
is Grover Cleveland.

And this one with the beard
is McKinley.

-And this gentleman is--
CHARLIE: Pardon me, sir.

There's an urgent call
for a gentleman answering
your description, sir.

-Will you see if it's you?
-Oh, it must be my stockbroker.

I told him not to bother me
in the evening.

Excuse me for a minute, please.

[SQUEALS]

Dear.

He left all your money
lying here, Mr. Ball.

It could very easily get lost
like that.

You'd better put it in your
pocket for safekeeping.

BENNY:
Thank you.

Well, shall we run home now
and meet Mumsie and Daddy?

Hello, Top Cat here.
Hello? Hello?

What am I doing?
I don't have a stockbroker.

As a matter of fact, I don't
have any stocks to broke.

Uh-oh. The money's gone.

-What's the matter, T.C.?
-Benny the Ball is in trouble.

If that's trouble, I'll, like,
take a double order.

Why, why, why do I surround
myself with kooks?

Come, my Honeydew.

Let me take you away
from all this madness.

Come with me to our isle
of dreams.

Boy, I wish I had the nerve
to say that to her in person.

Until we meet again, sweetheart.

Boy, can she kiss.
It must be love.

I feel light as a feather.

Now, how did that song go?

Oh, yeah.

[SINGING HONEYDEW'S SONG]

[TOOTING]

[BENNY HUMMING]

Oh, hi, Benny. Huh?

I gotta stop eating
my own cooking.

How was the poker game, Benny?

Ain't love grand, Choo-Choo?

If you say so, Benny.
Now can I get down?

CHOO-CHOO:
Hey!

[CRASH]

I'm just floating on air.

[HUMMING]

She loves me. She loves me not.

She loves me.

Yippee!

What the...?

I feel just like I'm in heaven.

All right, let's get back
down to Earth, okay?

Ah, T.C., you look lovely
this morning. Beautiful day,
isn't it?

-Well, did you? Did you?
-Did I what, T.C.?

Did you play poker last night?

Oh, yeah. I met Honeydew's
guardians, and we had
a little game.

- She's beautiful.
- How much?

As much as any girl
I've ever seen.

How much did you lose?

Her eyes are like the blue sky
over the Pulaski River
in the spring.

How much?

Aw, T.C., it's only money.

But after dinner,
there was $1800 left and--

Go on.

Well, that's how much.

Marvelous, marvelous, marvelous.

You blew the whole thing.
The whole thing you blew.

We're broke again. Flat. Busted.

This calls for another meeting
of the board of directors.

[HONKING]

Julie, Julie, Julie,
I've never met a girl like you.

Come away with me, baby,
and we'll fly to the moon.

Oh, Fancy-Fancy,
this is so sudden.

What can I say but "yes"?

[HORN HONKING]

Top Cat.

He did it again.

If he sticks around long enough,
I'm gonna tell him to get lost.

Fall in, men. Quickly, quickly.
This is your emergency bulletin.

Benny, go get
some liverwurst sandwiches.

This requires food for thought.

Right away, T.C.

Now then, observe a leader
in action.

First, I get rid of the innocent
dupe in this nefarious plot.

Now, consider the problem.
Benny has lost all his money

and we have to get it back.

CHOO-CHOO: You got a plan, T.C.?
-Do I have a plan?

Did Napoleon have a plan?
Did Caesar have a plan?

Did Robert E. Lee have a plan?

CHOO-CHOO: Yeah, but they lost.
-Oh, that's right.

Exactly. That's why
I'm not using a plan.

Now then, pockets out,
if you please. Come, come.
Empty them, empty.

You too, Brain. I see a check
in your back pocket.

Uh, that's just
my unemployment check, T.C.

Then you better give it to me.
You're no longer unemployed.

I've got a job for you.
Thirty-two, 37, $44.60.

Well, it's not much,
but it is a stake.

Hey, T.C., you forgot
to give me money for the food.

-Benny, don't you ever think
of anything but food?
-But you told me--

Forget what I told you and
listen to what I'm telling you.

You wanna get in good with
Honeydew's guardians, right?

BENNY: Right.
-Okay.

-She's got adopted relatives? So
do you.
BENNY: I do?

Certainly you do.

And tonight, Honeydew's folks
are gonna meet your folks.

-That's nice. Who are my folks?
-Who are your--? Ha-ha-ha.

Cousin Benny,
surely you're joshing.

Don't you know us, Benny?
It's us, your new relatives.

Like, we're related.

-Yeah. All for one.
-And one for all.

TOP CAT:
With our money back,
we'll have a ball.

This is it, T.C. Honeydew
and her folks live
on the fourth floor.

All right, Benny, go on up
and tell them we'll join them
shortly.

Brain and Fancy,
you stay outside.

We'll signal out the window
if we need more money.

-Uh, where will we get it?
You took all we had.
-Fake it, boy, fake it.

Spook and Choo-Choo,
we gotta play poker
like we never played before.

-Crazy.
-Got you, coach.

Now, do you boys rember
the time I told you about...

-...in Philly, a couple
of years ago?
-When you ran into Army guys?

And you played poker,
like, for two days?

You're rembering.

And I came home
and taught the game to you.

[GASPS]

-You don't mean..
-Not acey-deucy under my
shoesie.

TOP CAT:
The very same.

But, T.C.,
that game ain't honest.

Yeah. And besides, like,
could we get away with it?

[SQUEALS]

You did say your folks are
coming up, didn't you, honey?

Folks? What folks?

Oh. Oh, yeah.
Oh, they'll be right up.

You'll just love Benny's cousin,
Top Cat. He's a business
manager.

And he holds
all of Benny's money.

Well, it's right neighborly
of him to come call on us.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in.

Don't move, don't move.

This is a picture I'll always
remember. The folks at home.

Well, set yourself down, cousin,
and rest a while.

Well, thanks a heap, Mom.

Oh, isn't he a dear?

I like a fella
that makes himself at home.

This is the stuff dreams
are made of.

A mom, a dad, a roaring fire.

-A friendly little game?
-Game? Game?

Oh, did you boys
want to play some games?

Goldarn it. And I left my
Parcheesi set back in Kansas.

Oh, shaw, Pa.

Well, never mind.
There must be some other way
to amuse ourselves.

Ha, ha. Ooh, I know.
Do you boys ever play poker?

Poker? Let me see.
Have we ever played poker?

-Yeah. Once, I think.
-Yeah, like, last year,
remember?

Well, let's give it a try.
What have we got to lose?

[ALL LAUGHING]

Ah, fine. It'll just take
a minute to clear things away.

Alrighty.
Shall we draw up some chairs?

Wow, instant poker.

If it's all right with everyone,
I'll just watch.

Is it all right if I deal?

Father says I'm kind of clumsy.

-Would you like to cut these?
-Yes, I--

Even though I'm clumsy...

...I know you'll be patient
with me.

Of course. You go right ahead.
Practice makes perfect.

SPOOK:
I'll, like, uh, open.

MOTHER:
How many cards, dearie?

Sounds like your folks
play a fast game of cards.

Ooh, it's all in fun, you know.

Yeah. I sure had fun
last night...

...even though I didn't
win a hand.

Ooh. You two make yourselves
comfy while I make some popcorn.

There's no telling how long
it will take to fleece--

Uh, to finish that game.

They've been up there
for two hours now.

What's taking them so long?

You got me. It never took T.C.
this long to win anything.

Okay, you guys, break it up.
No loitering.

-We're not loitering.
We're waiting.
-Wait somewhere else, will you?

I'm tracking down
a g*ng of dangerous con artists.

Maybe we could help.
We get around quite a bit,
as you well know.

DIBBLE: Well, maybe you could at
that. Take a look.

Did you ever see
such an innocent-looking--?

Look, Brain. Look.
It's her, with a wig.

BRAIN:
Yeah. I'd recognize her
anywhere.

-You know her?
-Sure.

She's on the fourth floor
of this hotel right now.

Yeah. Her and the other two
crooks, stealing T.C.'s money.

This will mean trouble.
You two stay here.

Your popcorn is very tasty,
Honeydew, but it's all gone.

Ooh, well, let me fix you
some more.

You might as well forget it.
The game's breaking up.

Well, folks, we really
must be going.

I hate to win
and run like this...

...but I know you folks from
Kansas like to retire early.

Aw, T.C., we were just gonna pop
some more kernels.

-Do we have to go now?
-Yes, I'm afraid we do.

Let me see: 14, 17, $1800.
Yep, it's all here.

Come there, cousins,
we must be off. Oof!

I-- I beg your pardon, madam...

...but that steel against
my back is a bit chilly.

Get over by your fat friend.

Keep an eye on them, Honeydew...

...while Father and I get the
money we've stashed away.

-It's a pleasure.
-Can we move away
from the fireplace?

It's awfully warm.

HONEYDEW:
No.

Don't back into my popcorn, T.C.
I haven't finished it yet.

Don't you ever think
of anything but food?

We have more to worry about
than popcorn.

-Popcorn? Popcorn!
-You feel all right, T.C.?

TOP CAT: Yeah, and things
ought to start popping
any minute now.

What's that?

Just some popcorn,
Honeydew, baby.

I'll take the g*n
before you start popping.

-We give up.
-Don't sh**t, don't sh**t.

We'll go peacefully.

What's going on around here,
anyway?

As soon as you get your
prisoners locked up,
sergeant..

"Sergeant"? I'm not a sergeant.

Oh, but you will be, sir.

Your promotion is assured
after the capture you just made.

But as I was saying, hurry back.
We'll have a popcorn ball.

Yeah, there's plenty for all.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Fourteen, 17, 1800.
Yep, it's all here.

Can I buy that hamburger joint
now? Huh, T.C.? Can I, huh?

Now, now, not so fast, Benny.
We're gonna make a star
out of you.

You'll be in CinemaScope
with titles 3 feet high.

"Benny the Ball:
The success story of the year."

We'll all go to the
entertainment capital
of the world, Hollywood.

First, we'll have to get
some new clothes and
a small car.

Well, not too small. And then--

Benny? Benny,
what do you think you're doing?

What else? I wanna see
if I can get run over again.

♪ Top Cat! ♪

♪ The most effectual Top Cat! ♪

♪ Who's intellectual close
friends get to call him T.C. ♪

♪ Providing it's with dignity ♪

♪ Top Cat! ♪

♪ The indisputable leader
of the g*ng. ♪

♪ He's the boss, he's a pip,
he's the championship. ♪

♪ He's the most tip top ♪

♪ Top Cat ♪

♪ Yes he's a chief
he's a king ♪

♪ But above everything
He's the most tip top ♪

♪ Top Cat! ♪