02x09 - Apology Tour

[bunniefuu]

[Water rushing]

BLITZØ: Heeeello, hello, hello Stolas.

You have- AH!

You haven't been answering my texts,
and I sent you a bunch of funny sh*t.

So what gives?

- I was hoping my lack of "ha ha’s"
in response to the photos you sent

would be an indicator
I didn’t want to talk right now.

- Oh come on, Stolas,
we just had a rough night.

[Suggestively]
'Sides, you always want to hear from me.

- [Sighs]
Blitz. What is it you want?

- I wanna feel like I’m earning
my way to earth.

Kay? So get your tight, feathered
a*s out of that lawn chair

and into the bedroom so I can-

f*ck it.

- [Sarcastically]
Wow. Poetry.

I’m sure such a statement would have
had me swooning by now.

- Uhhh, I- sh- Yeah, sure that wa- okay,
that was a shitty way for me to say it-

But you usually like it when I talk
all dirty, and f*ck, and sh*t.

[Bird caws]

- Come on, we don’t do words.
We do sex.

- As shocking as this might seem, Blitz-

I don’t think I’m in the mood to
"do sex" with you.

In fact, I don’t think I’m even
in the mood to do words with you!

So how about you respect that.

- Oh come on, Stolas. You can’t mean that.

You always love seeing this.

- Seeing you right now is hard!

I don’t want to feel
worse than I already do.

It’s bad enough I got an invite
to this anti-Blitzo party-

an honorary invite for
being your freshest ex.

- Anti-Blitzo party,
who the f*ck’s behind this?!

- Oh, it’s entirely immature.

I’d never indulge this nonsense, it’s silly.

- Real silly. Real f*cking classy.

- Kind of them to invite me, though.

It might be rude not to make an appearance.

BLITZØ: Verosika!?

Of course that f*cking b*tch.

- I will say, it’s rather concerning you have an
entire party devoted to hating you though, Blitz.

- Oh please, everyone hates
me for shitty reasons.

In the end, everyone’s just bitter
they couldn’t tie this a*s down.

I’m too much imp to simp.

- You really think that’s the reason?

- Yessir, they couldn’t
handle that I moved on.

- Oh!

So you’re used to being the one
who crushes others’ feelings, hm?

- If by [impersonating Stolas]
"crushes others' feelings" you mean-

ends sh*t before it gets serious, then bingo.

I’m doing everyone a favor because
relationships are boooring.

[Bird sqeak]

- Oh yes, very boring.

So what are you doing here then?

- Uh, I- waiting for you to realize how
good an angry f*ck would be right now!

- Get out!

Right now.

- What?

- I’m tired of this.

I’m uncomfortable with how
you’re speaking to me now.

- Oh come on, Stolas.

You can’t tell me this
isn’t a fantasy of yours.

You want me to show your rich,
prince-y a*s what a real f*ck' is.

- Stop it!

- Ha! I’m right, aren’t I?

You get off to getting plowed
by people you look down on.

- I don’t look down on you!

How many times do I ha- When have I ever!?

You speak just like that
vile Striker friend of yours.

The one who tried to k*ll me and you
couldn’t be bothered to come help me.

Remember him?

- Hey look- I do not sound like-
I- and I didn’t know he was capable-

I- I stopped him the first time,
[bird chirp] didn’t I?

- The first time?

- Yeah, the- oh. Oops.

I- uh- no, who said tha- I.

- You knew someone was
trying to assassinate me?

- I, I- I stopped him!

And I- I really didn’t think
you could actually get hurt-

you’re immortal and sh*t!
You’re a f*cking prince!

If me and my team could kick
that guy’s a*s that easily-

then I’m sure you’d have no problem.

I suppose you are right, silly me.

It’s not an imp’s place
to protect a Goetia is it?

- Aaand there it is. Took ya long enough!

- That’s all you were waiting for wasn’t it?

For me to play into this idea you
have of me that I’m this prince-

who thinks he’s so much better than you.

Well, I don’t!

Why would I allow everyone
to see how much I like you?

How I’ve tried so f*cking hard to
spend time with you, to support you?

You don’t owe me those things,
but you can’t just ignore all that!

- You know, Stolas...

I’ve spent the entirety of this
morning listening to love ballads,

and that was still the-

GAYEST THING I’VE HEARD ALL DAY!

- Do you feel any kind of
remorse for what you do?

Have you ever even
apologized once in your life?

- OH, you think I can’t apologize?
[Sniffles]

For what?! You want me to be like-

Oh sorry, this entire time I assumed the
worst because I was convinced a prince-

could never love someone like me and I've let my
self hatred stop me from apologizing to anyone-

I could ever care about!

- [Bird chirps]
Well, yes. That.

- Weeell, f*ck you!

I can sorry the f*ck outta people!

Just you watch!

I sorried Fizz so hard he cried!

And I can sorry more people,
everyone but you!

Cause I don’t owe you d*ck!
[Door slams]

Everyone but you.

BLITZØ: I can totally apologize
to the people I’ve f*cked with.

I mean how many could there possibly be?

[Pen squeaking]

[Knocking]

- MARTHA: Yeas? Oh.

It’s you.

- Heeeyyy Martha,

look, I know we k*lled you in the past,
but I just wanted to say no hard feelings-

and offer this.

- Yeah, that’s f*ck’ right.

[Pen squeaks]

[Magical whoosh]

[Pen squeaks]

[Wheel squeaking]

[Magical whoosh]

[Applause]

[Alarm blaring]

[Magical whoosh]

BLITZØ: Alright, and now onto the exes.

Who are aaall in one place.
[Sighs] Yaaay.

BLITZØ: Hey buddy, you know where


- Down that way, demon dude!
Sick costume, bruh.

- Hey, Happy Halloween!

Oh, looks like you
missed some makeup there.

BLITZØ: Thaaanks!

It’s my face.

[Engine revs]

[Party sounds and crowd talking]

[Screaming and glass shattering]

-The one day a year the spirits
can rise amongst the living

and it’s spent celebrating mutual pettiness.

- Uh, what?

- Oh! Nothing! [Chuckling]
I was talking to myself.

- Cool, man, I wish I was you.

- Hellooo, freshest ex!

Stolas!!

How’re you doing baby,
you holding up okay?

- Oh, I’m fine. I felt
it rude not to stop by.

I don’t get invited out much,
but I really shouldn’t stay long.

- Well I’m glad you could make it, honey.
[Cups clinking]

- Well this certainly beats the last
earth party I attended on Hallows Eve.

- All hail the demon prince, Stolas.

- I was told there would be cake?
[Blood splatters]

- Speaking of cake, you wanna slice it?

STOLAS: Ohhh..eugh.

- I like to start at the neck.

Or the d*ck.

- Eeuughh.

- You're right.

Nobody wants his d*ck anyway.

[Psycho-esque music]
[Verosika grunting]

- I- I think I’m content
without slicing any of it.

- Well live it up baby,
you are with friends here.

f*ck Blitzo in the f*cking a*s!
[Crowd cheering]

[Verosika shrieks]

[Manaical laughter]

BLITZØ: W-o-ow. Have I
f*cked this many people?

Christ on a stick, I should
start keeping count.

Sorry for the comment I made
at your sister’s wedding.

Though she did deserve it, she’s a wh*re.

Sorry for f*cking your mom,
though I thought it was your dad.

[Dishes clattering]

UNICORN: Heeey!

- He did it.

- Way to go Dennis. You f*cking suck.

- Yeah, you suck Dennis!

[Maniacal laughing]

VEROSIKA: Now-

- Oh sh*t.

- It’s time to hear from the special,
new guest of honor of the night-

Stolaaassss!

Get up here, and say a few words!

- Oh, no. No, no, no. No,
I’m not really, um, heheh.

Uh, I really shouldn’t I-

VEROSIKA: Tell us all about
your experience with Blitzo.

That c*ck sucking m*therf*cker!

C’mon baby, speak from your heart.

We all here know how you feel.

- Um. Ohh, ahahaha, um.

[Guitar strumming]

♪ I let you get too close. ♪

♪ I let it go too far. ♪

♪ Now I know, now I know,
now I know exactly ♪

♪ what you aaare. ♪

[Verosika and Tex together]
- ♪ Na na na, na na, na ♪

♪ A m*therf*cker. ♪

♪ Na na na, na na, na ♪

♪ A m*therf*cker. ♪

- ♪ I don’t think you meant to hurt me, ♪

♪ cause I don’t think it
meant a thing at all. ♪

[All together]
- ♪ At all, at all, at all. ♪

♪ At all, at all, at all. ♪

STOLAS: ♪ At all, at all, to you. ♪

- ♪ Na na na, na na, na ♪

♪ The m*therf*cker. ♪

♪ Na na na, na na, na ♪

♪ The m*therf*cker. ♪

♪ I let it go too long. ♪

♪ I let you go too deep. ♪

♪ Now I know, now I know,
now I know there’s ♪

♪ one thing I can’t keep but, ♪

♪ I, I keep on waiting! ♪

♪ Waiting to want you less than I do. ♪

♪ And I do, oh I do,
yes I still do ♪

♪ want you. ♪

♪ But maybe it’s all on me! ♪

♪ For missing every sign
and every glance and ♪

♪ every turn. ♪

[Verosika and Tex together]
- ♪ No, no, no he’s a m*therf*cker. ♪

- ♪ Maybe there’s something
here for us to glean, ♪

♪ for you to teach and me to try and learn. ♪

- ♪ No, no, no he’s a m*therf*cker. ♪

♪ Cause I am not a thief,
but you were mine to earn. ♪

♪ What if I came on too strong?
What if I read this all wrong? ♪

♪ What if we just don’t belong? ♪

♪ All this what if, what if, what if, ♪

♪ what if, what if, what if, ♪

♪ why, why, why, ♪

♪ why why why, makes me ♪

♪ burn! ♪

♪ Oh I don’t think you meant to hurt me. ♪

♪ Cause I don’t think it meant a thing at all! ♪

- [Spoken] ♪ Well did it? ♪

- ♪ No, not at all. ♪
- [Spoken] Didn't mean a g*dd*mn thing.

[All together]
- ♪ At all, at all, at all ♪

BAND: ♪ Didn't mean a, Didn't mean a, ♪

- ♪ At all, at all, at all ♪

- ♪ Didn't mean a, Didn't mean a, ♪

- ♪ At all, at all to you. ♪

[All together]
- ♪ Na na na, na na, na. ♪

♪ The m*therf*cker. ♪

♪ Na na na, na na, na. ♪

♪ The m*therf*cker. ♪

♪ Na na na, na na, na. ♪

STOLAS: [Whispered] The m*therf*cker. ♪♪

- Thank you for your time.

[Cheering]

VEROSIKA: Alrighty b*tches,
let’s get wild!

[Sighs]

[Glugging]

- Hey.

- Blitz?!

[Drunkenly]
What are you doing here?

You’re lucky everyone is drunk or
you would be m*rder*d right now.

- Ah, no, it’s good I’m in a disguise.

- Wow.

I’ve never seen you
throw 'em back like this.

- Came just to judge me, is that it?

- No, I just-

this was the final stop on the
apology tour I’ve been on today.

- Oh, yes, I recall.

Everyone but me is getting your
cheap apologies tonight, hm?

Well, you certainly have
your work cut out for you.

- Look, how I acted this morning…

it was f*cked, okay?

- This morning?

Ughhh, why did you show up there?
Why’d you show up here?

- You already asked that, but look,
I-I just really need to…

to talk to you, to- to explain.

- Oh?

- [Sighs] I’ve always been real
sh*t at sorries, kay?

They’re for pussies and no one
f*ck’ deserves them anyway,

but I [sighs] felt like maybe
you actually needed one.

[Sarcastically]
- Oooooh lucky meeeeee!

- Oh sh*t. Okay, what I mean is,

I said sorry a lot today and, honestly,

didn’t really mean any of it.

Because the only one
I wanted to say it to...

Was you, Stol's.

I just, [sigh] this whole
thing we had going-

I’m- I mean you’re a f*cking prince.

How could you ever actually
care for an imp?

Me.

How could anybody?

- Blitz.

There is a crowd full of people here,

who cared so much,

they throw an entire f*cking
party about hating you,

every year!

Do you know how much you have to care
to do something as stupid as that?

- Stolas, you are better
off without me. Kay?

You deserve so mu-

I don’t even know why you
would want to be with me.

- You wanna know what I want?

I want to know what it’s like,

to not be alone.

I want to be someone’s someone.

I want to feel wanted.

But like, in a romantic way,
like I’m standing out in the rain

at a train station and
someone is shouting:

“Harriet! Don’t get on that train, it’s going
to London and I cannot be without you!”

- Oh Stolas, that’s... a rom-com.

- Oh f*ck you.

The point is, I just…

want someone to care if I stay or go.

I want someone to want me.

To want to see me. To hold me.

Look at me and think:
"Well you’re the only one I want.

I desire to hold you and talk
to you, never let you feel so…"

You! Why are you here?

I don’t want you here, go home please!

Let me not feel so sad.

[Sobbing]

[Deep breath]

- Hey.

- Oh, heh. Hello.

- Great song earlier.

You have great pipes.

- Thank you.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, he sings
fantastic, we’re talking here.

- Well, I just wanted to see
if maybe, I don't know,

you’d wanna... dance?

- You want to dance…

with me?

- Yeah.

- Okay!

[Stolas giggling]

- Hey Ver.

- So. An apology tour, huh?

You got a lot of ba*ls coming here, Blitzo.

- Yeah, I know, everyone here hates me.

- Yep. That’s the point.

Dumbass.

- So what, you’re waiting for your sorry?

- Oh f*ck you, you little prick.

- Well I’m sorry, for always
telling it like it is sister.

What, I’m just being honest!

I’m sorry for dumping ya!

Sorry for not falling head over heels for you!

Or that guy! Or f*cking Dennis!

Or- or anyone at this-

stupid-

f*cking-

party!

- Ha, oh you are so f*cking shitty!

Do you hear yourself?

- Everyone’s shitty!
Hello!? We live in hell!

Why am I all of a sudden the bad guy
just for sucking at relationships?

- Are you expecting... sympathy?

[Baby voice] Awww poor Bwitz,
finawwy having to own

that his actions affect
other peoples fee fees.

[Regular voice] b*tch, please.

How do you think I felt?

When the fun guy I was
dating decided to just-

bail on me because I made
the shitty mistake of saying

I love...

Ugh!

It was the most embarrassing feeling.

To be vulnerable for once and,

you really just...

know how to send a message
in the shittiest f*cking way.

The worst part is you still make me feel like
a bad person for being angry at you now.

But hosting this party for
everyone else you’ve dicked over?

At least I can help others cope with the sh*t you did.
- [Imp crying]

- What? No snarky come back?

- No.

You’re right.

I actually am, you know?

Sorry.

I- I don’t wanna be this way.

Not forever.

- Hmph. Looks like Stolas
is having a good time.

BLITZØ: Yeah, well he needs it.

[Stolas laughing]

[Moaning]

- Oh, a really good time.

- Oh that

BIRD-

STEALING-

c*ck BAG!

[Growling]
- Hooold it Blitz.

You know, if you wanna change,
it just starts with saying:

“Good for him, hope he gets laid.”

Heh, here have some cake, f*ck.

[Synth music]

VEROSIKA: ♪ Ever since you went away. ♪

♪ I’ve been haunted. Haunted. ♪

♪ I always get whatever I want. ♪

♪ And I wanted. I wanted you. ♪

♪ So now I’m drawing circles in the sand, ♪

♪ try'na to understand ♪

♪ how you do the things you do. ♪

♪ Baby I’m not over it, ♪

♪ but I’m over you. ♪

♪ I’m over you, you, you. ♪

♪ Baby I’m not over it, ♪

♪ but I’m over you. ♪

♪ I’m over you, you you. ♪♪

[People chattering]

[Radio clicking on]

[Verosika singing on radio]
♪ Sometimes it still hurts a bit, ♪

♪ sometimes I’m so full of sh*t, ♪

♪ but this much is true. ♪

[Drawn out car honking]

♪ Baby I’m not over it, ♪

♪ I’m over you. ♪

[Echoing] ♪ I'm over you ♪

♪ I thought that I could stomp you out ♪

♪ like a fire, ♪

♪ like a flame. ♪

♪ It’s done but now I'm covered in ashes, ♪

♪ and I still feel the same. ♪

♪ I guess if I get rid of every
sign of what we ever did ♪

♪ there’d be no one left to blame! ♪

♪ Ohhh. ♪

♪ Baby I’m not over it, ♪

♪ I’m over you, ♪

♪ I’m over you. ♪

♪ Yeah, I try to look ahead,
sometimes I look back instead. ♪

♪ Think I always knew, ohhhh. ♪

♪ Baby I’ll get over it, ♪

♪ I got over you. ♪

[Echoing] ♪ I got over you. ♪♪