06x25 - Dover and Out

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Coming up, is sal
the voice of his generation?

When my parents came to this
country, they had nothing.

What's got q vegging out?

It looks like a cauliflower,
but, like, you know, with t*ts.

And which losing joker
will be painted into a corner

in tonight's punishment?

Sal: Prepare for
something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

Murr: I want my mommy!

Sal: I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

Today, we're at alley,

a workspace community
for entrepreneurs,

conducting surveys
about employee satisfaction.

While going through the survey,
we're gonna have to do

and say what the
other guys tell us.

The goal is to get
through the survey

without refusing anything.

If you refuse, you lose.

- Hello.
- This is Jessica.

- Hi.
- This is Joe.

Joe. Hello. Good to see you.
Hey, Jessica.

"That's my dog's name."

- Jessica?
- Yes.

Yeah, that's my dog's name.

I'm a new employee.

Oh, you're new. Great.
How long have you been here?

Since June 8th.

Joe, count how many
days that's been.

So... five, six days.

I'm sorry. Hold on.

"It's, like, 200 days."

That's, like, 200 days.

Wait, is that right?

Oh, no, it's 30.
It's 30.

Lick your entire palm
to turn the page.

So, um, I spoke
to somebody earlier...

Do it again.

He said, uh...

Yeah. They spoke to
a Francesca, as well,

who... I don't know
if you these people...

Stick both your feet
straight out.

Like, under the table.

This is a question
they want me to ask.

Do you understand
the strategic goals

of the broader organization?

And now, swim up
and down with your legs.

I think there could
always be more, like...

You think there could be more?

You look like a fat baby.

I feel like "yes."
Yeah.

Take your shoes and socks
off with your feet.

And were you always
in this industry?

- Not always...
- There you go.

Now, use your toes.
Take those socks off.

Joe: Sales?

Were you always in, like...

Come on, Joe.
You can do it.

My god, you look like a baby.

Look at his upper body,
just slowly jiggling.

He has no dexterity
with his toes.

Sal: Keep licking your hand
and turning the pages

while you do it.

There's, uh...

Your commute here, is it...

Bearable?
- Yeah.

He doesn't even know
what to say anymore.

He's just concentrating
on his stupid socks.

He's, like, "so, you need to
commute in order to get here?"

- Get the sock off!
- Get the sock off.

Step on your toes
and pull it out.

Murr: You've never taken your
socks off with your feet before?

Use your big toe on the other
foot to pull the heel down!

Joe, are you...
Are you having a stroke?

Joe, if you smell burned toast,
get out of there.

You have no dexterity
in your feet.

We kind of covered
a lot of ground here.

- Now, he's got it.
- Yeah!

Point your feet
and start swimming.

Um, and would you say
leading the team

is as important as
following, at times?

Now, try to put
your socks and shoes back on

only using your feet.

Oh, forget it.

I mean, we're not gonna be
able to any of that.

I'm kind of done with it.

Yea, it's a whole situation
that it's happened.

Throw a vase against
the wall and get out.

- Didn't break.
- It didn't even break!

Thank you for your time.

Joe, the odds were high that
that should have broke.

You threw a delicate ceramic
vase against a wood floor.

You guys had me doing the
thing with the everything!

My feet cramped up.
I couldn't even...

I had Charley horse
like a mother.

I'm trying to ask her
if she likes being a leader.

And that was not ceramic.

- That was a well-made vase.
- You guys.

- How's everything, buddy?
- Good. Good.

Sal, ask him if he wants water.

Can I get you a drink of water?

No, I just drunk some
when I came down.

- Okay.
- "I'll take some."

All right, I'll have some.

Uh, you want me
to get you water?

Um, please.

Thank you so much.
That's so nice of you.

I didn't know
where they were, so...

Drink from your cup of water.

Thank you very much.
You're welcome.

Thank you.
Delicious.

Well, your pants are a little
uncomfortable, buddy.

You want to stand up
and just adjust everything

and then sit back down?

There he goes.

Murr: So weird.

Joe: Sal, tell him stories
about your boss,

but when you do
an impression of your boss,

make it the worst
accent you can.

I had one job that...

I had a boss that...
He wasn't the best.

Like, one time,
we were in the break room,

and he opened the fridge.

He saw his lunch was missing,
and he was, like,

"did somebody eat my lunch?
It was in this bag."

- What?
- Who is this boss, sméagol?

And he's, like, you know,
"I don't know what to say.

Somebody's eating my food.

They don't respect me,
do you know what I mean?"

"And then he went on,
like, this minute monologue

that I have memorized."

And then, he went on, like,
a minute monologue, you know,

and he's, like, "when my parents
came to this country,

they had nothing.

They had to work so hard to get
even where they wanted me to be,

and I built my empire
from the ground up.

And I'll be damned if I'm gonna
come into this break room

to have a break
and I can't even have my break."

Q: This guy wants nothing
to do with sal at all.

All right, well,
thank you so much.

I'll see you around.

So, what do you do here?

- I am head of hospitality here.
- Head of hospitality.

"You get the peanuts
and bull."

So you get, like, the peanuts
and bull for people?

- Yep.
- Got it.
- Oh...

Joe: "Sorry if I come off
a little flustered."

So, me... I'm sorry if i'm
coming off a little flustered.

"There was a pregnant woman who
just chewed out this nice dude."

There was, uh, there was this,
um, pregnant woman

who just chewed out
this nice, uh, dude.

"He had a beard
and lavender shirt."

He had a beard and, like, this
pretty, purple lavender shirt.

Oh, yeah.

"She just chewed him out for
keeping his seat on the subway."

She really chewed him out

for not giving up
his seat on the subway.

Okay.

Honestly, the guy
seemed nice to me.

And she was, like, she made it
eight and a half months

without sitting on the train.
Like, you need to sit now?

Plus, I'm all about equality
and, like, you know...

Yeah... I mean,
he's all about...

I mean, he's all about equality.

He did not give up the seat.

Oh.

I think he was
trying to prove a point.

"Luckily, some other pregnant
woman gave up her seat."

So... so, actually, another
pregnant woman gave up her seat

'cause she was more
pregnant than her.

If you could, like,
pick your ultimate career,

what's, like, the ultimate goal?

- Your pants, they still
bugging you?
- Yeah.

Yeah. Why don't you go
fix them?

Outside the window.

I like to dance.

- Oh, you love to dance.
- I do.

- What type of dance?
- Hip hop.

Hip hop.

But I've also been to India...

Knock on the window
and be, like, "enough,"

and just send him away.

Enough.

Sal: "Can a guy rock a tank
here on the clock?"

Can a guy rock a tank here
on the clock, or no?

- Uh, no.
- No?

"I like to show off
this sweet tat I got."

'Cause I like to show off,
like, my sweet tats.

Right. Yeah.

Like...

It says "38, lives alone,
has three cats."

You have a cat?

- Aww.
- Aww.

"Stupid name."

All right, well,
thank you so much.

Yep.

Sal: Got him.

Oh, here we go.

- How are you today?
- Good. How are you?

I'm great.

Okay, so, I work for

an independent
hr company, basically.

Right.

Mention that you're dating a
Caribbean girl, then keep going.

What I'm going to do is,
go through a list of questions.

Feel free to be honest.

I should also mention that,
I am dating a Caribbean woman...

- Oh. Okay.
- Which is great.

Be surprised
at how the pen works.

Um...

Oh. Oh, I...
Oh, I get it.

I've never seen that technology.

Murr, you want to pound
the table while you talk?

Are there incentives that
you would love to have?

Like, like, like your friends
have at other companies,

you want it, too, you know?

So, take me though,
like, maybe...

Maybe, like, one
or two of those things

that would just make
this company so much better.

I would say, um...

just the atmosphere
the environment brings...

Murr, glance at your phone.

"Sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry."

- collaborations between...
- I'm sorry.

"My dumbass grandparents
keep texting me."

My dumbass grandparents
keep texting me.

Grab those scissors right there,

and cut that paper
right in half.

Tell me what the best day
at the office would be for you.

Joe: Keep cutting the same
one smaller and smaller.

Um, best day at
the office would be...

At the end of one of her
sentences, go, "ha, ha!"

making sure that they feel
welcome and that, um, we're...

Ha, ha.

Cut those papers
into a million pieces.

Right now,
since I'm a facilitator

on the second floor
for the horizon team,

we were discussing
how the community

can be more involved with...

I feel like our bandwidth
for operations...

Sal: Look how little
it's getting.

Resolve our member issues
in a timely manner.

Got it.

Um...

Murr, wave your hand
in a general direction and go,

"well, you must be
happy that every day

is, apparently,
dress-down day here."

Um, now, talking...

Talking about the perks
of the job...

- Yeah.
- You must be very happy

that every day
is dress-down day here.

So, I think we're all
wrapped up today,

and I just wanted to say,
on behalf of alley...

Thank you so much.

Joe: And that's a win.

Narrator: It was a hard day
at the office for Joe and q,

so they're first up
on the loser board.

Today, we're in the park
gazing up at clouds.

And we'll have to approach
strangers and describe

what image we think
we see in the clouds.

But the weird thing
we see will be

given to us by the other guys.

If you can't get
the stranger to admit

they see what you see, you lose.

And...

Chika, what's going on?

Every other dog in New York City
gets people over to pet them.

What are you doing?
- Look on the edge here.

Look at this side, then sal,
look at this side.

See this side, here?

And then, look at this side
how it's right...

Sal: That guy's got papoose
strapped to his chest.

Got the pampoose.
That what that is, right?
A pampoose?

- Papoose.
- Papoose.

Oh, it's a speech impediment.

You just put more
letters into a word.

Everything that you do that you
call a speech impediment...

That's 20 different things...
Are just mistakes.

Down, chika. Down, chik.
This is chika.

She's very friendly.
You can pet her.

She loves coming here.
I love coming here, too.

I like cloud wa...
I'm a big cloud watcher.

You see this one right here?

You know what that
looks like to me?

"Cauliflower with t*ts."

It loo...

That, to me, right there...

Murr: Come on, bud,
you can do it.

It looks like a cauliflower,
but, like, you know, with t*ts.

Sure, if you look on this side,

I see Europe.
But if you look on that side,

I see, like,
a cauliflower with t*ts.

Do you see it?

Okay. Have a great day.
It was nice meeting you.

- Oh, here we go.
- I should've brought sunglasses.

Yeah, right?

I love watching the clouds.

That's a huge one over there.

What I see in that is, um...

"That looks just like
an old couple

sitting silently
at a dinner table

just waiting
to die already."

an old couple
sitting silently at, like,

a dinner table just wait...
Just waiting to die already.

Yeah. Do you see it?

No?

- She doesn't see it.
- No!

But you don't see
an elderly couple

sitting in silence
at the dinner table

just waiting to die already?

Not in the clouds.

All right. Maybe I have
a little bit more

of an inventive imagination.

"That one looks like
a duck."

That looks like a duck.

You see... you see that one?

Yep.

You see the duck?
How do we score this?

All right, tiebreaker.

All right, tiebreaker.
Tiebreaker.

That looks like, uh...

That's an interracial couple

having trouble
at the drive-through.

Yeah, sure. That looks like
an interracial couple

having trouble
at the drive-through.

Do you see that one?

Murr: Oh!
You lose.

That's fair.

Can I ask you a question?

What does that cloud
look like to you?

That one, right there.

See, to me,
it clearly looks like...

"I think it's sigourney Weaver
pumping gas."

sigourney Weaver pumping gas.

"No, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Ah, maybe it's...
Maybe it's geena Davis."

Wait, no, no, no. You know,
it's geena Davis pumping gas.

It's geena Davis.
It's definitely diesel,
that's for sure, you know?

She's on the far-right pump,
you can tell.

Do you see it?

You don't see it?
- She doesn't see it.

You don't see any part of it?

Do you see geena Davis?
Sigourney Weaver?

Diesel?

Do you see a damn cloud?

"You got five bucks
I can borrow?"

You got five bucks
I can borrow? No?

Hey, take it sleazy.

- Joe.
- Yep?

Q: You know the point
of the game, right?

- Yeah.
- Joe, there's no one
sitting next to you.

I know, but it's too hot
to walk around.

I'm just gonna make
somebody sit down.

Hey, yo.
- Huh?

Come here. Yep.
Check it.

Hey, yo, check it.

I've been looking
at these clouds all day.

Yeah, you see that cloud?
Doesn't that look like...

"A leprechaun buying
prescription condoms."

[ It just like... ghs ]

It looks like a leprechaun
buying prescription condoms.

"For his former best friend
from college."

For his former best
friend from college.

- Huh?
- Yeah, do you...

You see it, right there?

Check it, so, like,
right here...

Check it.

Yeah, you see it?

Yeah.

What? What?

Wait, what?
- Yeah, yeah, man.

That's how we do.
That's a win.

Good. See you later, man.
Great, bud.

They're not friends anymore.
That's his Fo...

Come here. Check it.
Come here.

You see this?
Come here.

Not only can he call someone
over, he can call them back.

So, let me ask you,
what's the probability

that there's a cloud that
looks like a leprechaun

who's buying
prescription condoms

for his former best
friend from college?

My friend, I have the friend...

A friend... uh, a student...
Master of mathematics...

Sal: Oh, Joe's
regretting this.

There's a look of regret
on Joe's face.

Something tells me he's
not gonna call him
back a third time.

I already won.

All right. I'll talk
to you about it later.

I can't get those minutes
of my life back.

- We're bringing him in.
- No, come here.

- Hello.
- Hello.

We're filming a TV show.

- Oh.
- He was on TV.

Q: You were just
talking to Joe.

Don't get him started.

That's great. Thank you
for being part of the show.

- Yes. I love the art.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- It's the musical.

I like being...

Yeah.

Narrator: Joe kept his head
out of the clouds,

making q tonight's big loser.

Q's our loser!

So, today, we are here
in the lovely Dover,

New Jersey's, town square
for q's punishment.

And q is the artist
that's about to reveal

the new town mural
that he painted.

I painted?

Meaning he's never seen it
and we had it done for him.

I have a feeling that this is
gonna be the last mural

that Dover allows.

Murr: These are the proud
residents of Dover, New Jersey.

About to meet the very UN-proud
friend of ours, Brian Quinn.

W-What am I... what am I,
a painter with brain damage?

I-I-I got paint everywhere
but the brush?

I look like I cleaned
the porn booths in munchkinland.

Sal: So, the mayor of Dover
is our inside man in this.

He gave us access
to make the mural,

but he hasn't seen it yet.

Joe: He invited everybody
in the town.

Murr: The whole board
of the city is here, q.

Oh, my god.
There's so many people!

The mayor's about to speak.

All right. I just want to thank
everybody for coming out today.

Today is our first
arts in the park day.

Now, I'm gonna turn it
over to the artist

who created this beautiful mural
for our town, Brian Quinn.

- There he is.
- Hello, hi, hello.

Hi, Dover.

Mayor dodd.

Thank you.

Talk about how, uh,
you got your inspiration.

Uh...

I spent a lot of time
here in Dover.

I would come here during the
weeks and just take in the town.

I went to, uh, you know,
your local shops,

really got a feel for what
this place is about.

Everybody really opened
their arms to me,

and as such, I poured my heart
and soul into this.

Thank you.
You people deserve it.

Sal: Q, this is your
sistine chapel, baby.

This is your Mona Lisa.

Three, two, one!

Joe: Oh, my...

Murr: Oh, my god!

Wow, that's, uh...

The mayor, who was nice enough
to let us come here,

we didn't tell him what was
gonna be on the mural, either.

And I'm not sure

if he is regretting
his decision, at this point.

Q: All right, wait.
Hold on, hold on.

I-I-I see some of you
aren't getting it.

Ar-ar-art is subjective.
That's a cute baby.

Look, I could've came here,

and I could've drawn,
like, George Washington

riding a unicorn
holding an American flag,

and you all would've
applauded me and loved me.

That's easy. That's not art.
Art makes you think, right?

I mean, you guys saw
"stranger things," right?

Great town, there's
monsters everywhere, man.

I-It's irony.
You guys love irony, right?

- Oh, my god, this guy is pissed.
- Don't be angry.

It's okay.

Did I put a huge turd on it?

Damn right I did.

Damn right I did, and I'll
tell you why... because...

- There's no good reason.
- This is rough.

If you look, that's not
even where Dover is.

That's, like, where red bank
is, you know? Right?

Boo, red bank, right?
- Red stank, red stank.

Red stank!

Sal: Oh, my god.

In retrospect, I may have
taken a different approach.

But you've got to admit,
the font's cool.

"Thank you for the
$25,000, Mr. Mayor."

$25,000.

Mr. Mayor, I want to
thank you for the $25,000

you paid me to paint this.

Thank you, mayor. Good luck
on that... that next term.

Joe: Q, get out of there.
Get out of there!

This guy just got
punished pretty bad.

Uh, I feel bad for him,
but also the town of Dover.

Kind of split. But you,
it's so good for you,

'cause you get
a behind-the-scenes look

of how it all happens and bonus
footage from tonight's episode.

- I look like an idiot.
- Yeah.

How much work went
into this mural?

Uh, none at all.
It was really easy. Really?

No, that's impossible.
A lot of work went into it.

'Cause, number one,
we've been talking about doing

this mural for, like, two years.

And we finally got the town
of Dover, New Jersey

to let us do it.

And literally, only the mayor
knows that we're filming today.

We're going to see
the intro right now...

And it's, like, pouring rain.

This is, like, really
hard for production.

David: We painted the mural
in the rain.

They were holding tarps up
till, like, 3:00 this morning

over the people painting
on the wall

and water was falling
the whole time.

So, the paint's still wet,
'cause it can't dry.

- Three, two, one...
- Q's our loser!

So, today, we are here
in the lovely Dover,

New Jersey's, town square
for q's punishment.

Is this going to be permanently
on display after today,

or is this removable?

It's up to the town of Dover.

My... my...

My instincts tells me
they're gonna run up to it

and immediately start
painting over it.

- Cut.
- Wait, wait, wait,

what's going on here?
- You know what's
going on, Casey.

I don't wear this
when we're done filming.

Take it away.
And I still... smell it.

- Ew.
- Right.

It smells like murr.

Joe: These people were
waiting in the rain

for hours to see this mural.

The goal is to get the people
of Dover upset at q...

- Yes, that's right.
- Specifically.

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

He's angry,
but you shouldn't be.

I'm an artist, man, a-and my job
is to make you think,

not to give you
easily digestible images

that already reinforce
what you already know.

Did I put a huge turd on it?

Damn right I did!

I've never seen you, like, kind
of, like, stutter so much...

No, th-that was... that was
probably the worst that I've...

That I've been in a while.
A-a-a-art, it's subjective.

That's a cute baby.

You're gonna drive past this
every day of your life,

and you're gonna be thinking,

"you know what?
Maybe Dover does suck

just a little bit,"
right, mayor?

He knows.

How much did you
know beforehand?

Uh, I did not know
what it was gonna say.

I-I didn't know what was
gonna be on the wall.

Um... you know,
I agreed to it.

I was hoping it wasn't
gonna be too bad.

In any event, um, you know,
I think it's great

for the exposure
for the town of Dover...

To be on
"impractical jokers."

I love the idea.
- That's true.

I love the concept.
I mean, these guys are awesome.

They do a great job, so we're
proud to have you guys here.

Woman:
Three, two, one...

Casey: So, now, the jokers
are doing a group photo

with the entire town.

The town is not
ripping them apart.

How great is that?

- Here we go, guys.
- Here we go.

- All right.
- Here we go!

Oh, yeah, it's fine.

Oh, look at that cloud.
You guys see that cloud?

- Oh, okay.
- Oh, she knows the show?

Can I pass an idea to you?

- Yeah, go ahead.
- So, I'm a pole dancer,

and I think
a good punishment for Joe

would be taking
a pole-dancing class.

Yeah? Why?

'Cause he's awful
at physical things.

Oh, this b*tch.

You realize that, uh,

when you're speaking to this
thing, people can hear you.

Hi, guys. Hi.

- Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh.

Jump right on the pole
and you show her up.

Watch this.

I just ripped all my shorts
on that jump.