07x10 - Speech Impediment

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Coming up, why is Joe
looking pretty in pink?

Why is q getting his flirt on?

I'll k*ll 10,000 men for you.

And which losing joker
will take the fall at city hall

in tonight's punishment?

Sal:
Prepare for something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

Murr:
I want my mommy!

Sal:
I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

Sal: We're penetrating
the government.

♪

We're back at it,
trying to make each other laugh

while conducting
some b.S. Survey.

While conducting the survey,

the other guys will be
behind this glass wall,

which becomes see-through
at the flip of a switch.

Every time the glass goes clear,

there's gonna be
some craziness going on

that we have to watch,
but we can't laugh at.

Whoever laughs the most loses.

♪

This is gonna be very easy.

We're just doing a focus group.

I'm gonna ask you
what's gonna sound like

way too many questions
of New York City.

So, for the first one,
it's none of us.

None of us.
We called in
one of our friends.

Describe a typical
New York City apartment.

They're usually small.
Mm.

Murr: Here we go.
Little light.

Oh! It's an explorer.
It's Casey.

Woman:
If you do have a window,

usually you can reach through
and...

Q is a huge Elvis fan.

The building next to you.

The bathroom is always located
in the kitchen, and...

Murr: Got him
on the first one!

You're an Elvis fan?
Woman: Yeah.

Murr: This is
our friend Shawn klush,

the country's premiere
Elvis tribute artist.

All right, what is your favorite
season in New York City?

Between the fall in New York
and the fall in Virginia?

Oh! Ooh!

Yeah, I mean, I like it
because the weather's cooler,

so it's not quite
as hot as the summer.

Right.
Baseball's
still going on.

Murr: Oh!
Nothing in the hat.

What team are you a fan of?

Woman: Yankees.
Oh, Yankees?

Yeah.
Me, too.

It's just more enjoyable
to be outside,

but you can still go upstate
and things like that.

Ta-da!
He made vomit appear.

Okay, uh...

Joey.
This one's gonna k*ll.

Get ready for a home run.
This one's gonna get him.

What is your favorite
restaurant in New York?

I don't know.

I'll tell you what.

Give me three restaurants
that you like.

Murr:
Oh, a ballerina!

I would say...

I'm sorry the rest...
The... the restaurants?

Via carota in the west village.

Sal:
That's a laugh!

And...

What?
I thought I saw a bug.

How you doing?
Joe.

Murr: Now,
Joey's traditionally been

very, very good
at this game, right?

I don't give a what he's been.

Tell me a little bit
about food availability

in your neighborhood.

Murr:
Here we go, Joey.
Just things have changed,
and it's, like,

how many restaurants
that come in and out.

Murr: Oh. Oh!

I mean,
it's a pretty good bar area,

so they have, like, the...

Murr: It's our friend
Rob emmerett.

And plus, also just living
on the lower east side,

like, there are so many things

that are just open
late at night.

Do you normally
have delivery or...

You see Rob always
brings the goods.

Okay, and talk to me
about breakfast.

So, breakfast, do you...

Joe just asked
the hard-hitting question,

"talk to me
about breakfast."

I find myself usually
going to brunch in, like,

east village, that, like,
kind of soho area,

and it has
some healthy options and...

Murr:
Oh, my god!

Okay, brunch is good.

Just, like, an egg dish or...

Murr: Wow.

Joe, look at the middle lady.

Oh, my god!

Who eats a hot dog like that?

Avocado toast with like...
I'm a big fan of...

I just recently
got into the avocado toast.

How did he not laugh?
Yeah, he didn't laugh.

Okay, so talk to me
about lunch.
Lunch?

All right. We're sending
the big g*n... our big g*n.

Well, I love it
just 'cause it's so close to me.

- - Like...
- Oh, it's simmy!

That is simmy kustanowitz,

the network executive
from trutv.

Well, it's at my favorite venue,
bowery ballroom,

and then the time before that,

I saw maren Morris,
who's, like, a country singer.

Oh! Is he gonna share
the doughnut with you, Joe?

Went to the grammys.

Oh!

Joe gets no doughnut.
No doughnut!

Oh, no!

'cause it's so small and,
like, intimate so you can...

Talk to me about snacks.

Sal: A t-shirt and blazer
is very early '90s.

That's a look
that will never die.

Yeah, it's a classic.

Yeah.
It's a classic.

Well, black blazer
and a black t-shirt.

I don't know what
you're doing with that zipper

all along the lapel,
though.
It makes it more casual.

Who are you... criss angel?

Hi. How are you?
I'm James Murray.

What's your name?
Ronald.

This will be over in a zip.

So, tell me about
the favorite concert venue

in New York City you've been to.

Have you been to
barclays center?

Unfortunately, I've never been

to most of the places
you mentioned.

Okay.
Just Madison square garden.

Joe:
Oh. Look at him. Sal.

He's just, you know,
hanging out on the subway.

I went to watch the circus at...

Oh, who's this?

She's preggers!

There's a lot of seats, I think.

Won't give her the seat!

Look at sal's face!

Just too unnecessary.
Yeah.

So many seats,

you'll be high up there
in the nosebleed seats.

Sure. Now, when you ride
public transportation,

I mean, of course, you'd let
a pregnant woman sit, right?

What is the Times Square
experience like for you?

Q: Oh, here we go.
Here we go.

Ronald: You know,
pick out the outfit...

Q:
What am I looking at?

How is that happening?

Sal:
What is going on right now?

Oh!

Yeah, so you would go to...

Son of a b*tch.

Now, that was a turn on.

You see the pair of t*ts
on that girl?

Let's take a...
An Atlantic city weekend.

I wouldn't mind
getting there by car.
By car? Okay.

Joe: Oh, Marty mcfly
on the hoverboard.

By car? By flying car?
No, by car.

Sal: All right, that is great.
That is great.

How is this happening?

That was good.

- - Look at me.
- Yeah.

You're not getting it
out of me today.

Oh, shut up.
Just shut up.
Really?

I'm gonna harness
all of my negative energy,

which we all know
I don't fall short on.

Sal, just think
about your flat feet,

the traffic you hit
on the way here.

All right.
Here we go.

Hey.
How are you, sir?
How you doing?

Sal.
Peter.

I'm in!
All right.

Would you say you're a big
live-music-venue person?

My experience has been
these past five years

is that things are often
at their slowest

around January,
February.
Yeah.

Joe: What's murr
gonna wish for?
You know, once...

The rest of year, there's just
a lot more activities.

Q:
What'd he wish for? Oh!

- His boobs popped!

His boobs popped!

He stood strong.
It didn't quite work.

It was funny
how quickly they popped.

You got us!

Do you enjoy outdoor dining?

Sal is, as you guys
probably know by now,

doing a lot of stand-up.

He's working really hard on it,

so, of course,
we have to make fun of him.

What would be pros and cons
of an all-day concert?

If they got good music,
I mean, that would be...

Q: Oh, oh! It's a bunch
of stand-ups.

I mean, you do it
with people you like.

Murr:
Oh, it's Seinfeld!

"You'll never be
a real stand-up."

Is that Eddie Murphy?

"You're a
hidden-camera hack."

Is that Richard pryor?

"People laugh just
because you're on TV."

You know, like,
you're still there.

And Gallagher.
Finally.

"Everything gets handed
to you. Congrats."

I hear you, man.

That is rough.
Okay, yeah.

If you can describe
the difference

between living in Boston
and here in New York City.

I mean, generally, I had
a little more space up there.

More space in Boston?

It was still expensive, but...

the apartments were
a little more expensive...

but fairly similar.

Otherwise...

What's your favorite
neighborhood in Manhattan

and why?

More like the lower east side.

I have a surprise
for all of you.

You got a surprise
for all us?
You ready?

Yeah.
Here we go.

In your opinion, would
be pros and cons of
more suburban living?

I never experienced
quite the same as in New York.

Q: All right,
Murray in a dress.

Peter: Very liberated,
'cause I feel...

Of more suburban living?

I never experienced
quite the same as in New York.

Q: All right,
Murray in a dress.

Like, I'm on my own.
I'm very independent.

Oh, Danica.
There you go.

Peter: You feel more of
a concern for your neighbors.

You don't get paranoid
or freaked out about...

Q: He's acting out
the punishment.

Joe: He's acting out
the punishment.

Peter: I don't feel
that way here.

So, you don't...

So, you right now
don't have roommates?

Joe:
She's gonna flex.

Because of where I live...

If you just...

That's Danica mckellar
from "the wonder years."

That's her right there, yeah.

All right, well,
this is interesting.

I don't know what the hell's
going on behind there,

just like you.

Narrator:
Murr was his own laugh track,

so he's on the fast track
to loser board.

♪

Today, we're at
the top of the rock,

asking strangers for advice
on our wedding proposal.

Except the crazy proposals

have been written
by the other guys.

The goal is to get
the stranger to say

that your crazy wedding proposal
is ready to go.

If they say that your proposal
isn't ready to go,

you lose, just like everybody
that ever got married.

What the...

♪

Oh, I paid so much money
for this ring.

Three-month income, right?
That's it?

Three month's income.

That's straight up bull

that's why I'm never
getting married.

Yeah, that's the reason.

♪

Excuse me.
Do you know what time it is?

16:41?

Murr:
She's engaged.
I'm just so nervous.

I was up all night,
just thinking about what to say

and the right thing to say.

Actually, do you mind
if I run it by you real quick?

Okay, yeah.
I'll read it. I'll read it.

Here we go.

"Manduke."

That's her name, Meghan manduke.

Okay.
"Let's cut the bull.

You need me
like I need a hole in the head,

but maybe that's what works
about two sick nuts like us.

I'll k*ll 10,000 men for you.

I'll m*rder them with my fists
if I have to."

Sal:
Look at her face.

"I just want you to be able
to do what you love...

Pottery, teaching,
and me."

"Get off your high horse
and get..."

"get off your high horse
and get on my hog."

"Let's ride off into hell before
the devil knows we're dead.

Will you marry me?"

What do you think?

Any changes or it's good to go?

♪

Oh, she's really
digging in.
Oh!

Which part's too much?

"I'll k*ll 10,000 men
for you."

So, just take the m*rder
out completely?

Okay, all right.
All right.

Oh, there you go, bud.
Nice try.

Like, 10 men?

No men?
k*ll no men?

Q:
Oh, there he is.

What time you got, buddy?

What's your name?

Doug.
Doug?

Yeah.
Darryl.
Good to see you, pal.

Darryl.
Almost time.

My girl's coming up
in a little bit.

Thanks a lot.
Well, I'm a little nervous.

I actually wrote it down.
Do you think I, uh...

Can I run it by you,
see what you think?

Yeah, let me...
Let's get you on that.

Uh, here we go.
Ready?

"Madea, now I can
finally tell you

why I insisted on no longer
being your therapist.

Over the past three years,
we have met once a week,

and, yes, you have made progress

on your chilling mental issues,

but something more important
has happened, as well.

I've fallen in love with you.

Today, I stand before you
not as Dr. Cummings,

but as
a potential suitor."

Darryl cummings.

Darryl cummings.

Dr. Cummings.
"Ethics be damned.

I know everything about you,
both because we're soul mates

and because you spent
the past three years paying me

to listen to
your private thoughts.

There'll be no need
to ever lie to me

because we both know I already
know the truth about you.

Say yes, my little chickadee.
Say yes."

Sounds good?

Oh!

Everything's above
the board on that?

Darryl cummings, therapist.

Sal:
Darryl cummings.

Q: Yo, here we go,
buddy.

Just nervous.

I actually...

Like, I'm so nervous,
I wrote down...
Oh, yeah?

What I want to say.

Do you mind if I run it by you?

Sure.
Here we go.

I worked on it
all night.
Okay.

Yeah.
No, it is. It is.

"Marry me, b*tch."

What's on the other side?

Uh, it's blank.
Okay.

Do you think
this is ready or...?

- No.

Murr: Sometimes the simplest
ones are the best.

Do you guys want
a photo of you guys?

Let me take a photo
of you guys while you're here.

You'll get the whole family in.

Murr being helpful,
starting it off.

Oh, boy.
Ready?

There you go.
Woman: Thank you.

Okay.
All right.

Yeah, my girlfriend's
gonna be up in just a...

At this point,
like five minutes, yeah.

Do it here?

Oh, nice.
Helpful child.

Can I be cheeky?
Can I?
Yes, yes.

Can I run the proposal by you?

"Julie, you complete me.

After losing my wife
three years ago,

I thought I'd never
experience love again.

I've learned from my mistakes,

and what happened
to my first wife

will never...

Ever happen again.

All the cages at the facility
are now properly secured,

and another incident
resulting in a fatality

is highly unlikely."

"Julie,
will you marry me?"

What?

Cut the fatality part out?

From the mouths of babes.

Wow!

But it says it's highly
unlikely you would die.

Like, I make that a point.

So, this is not ready?
I'll take that part out?

Great, okay.

Have you ever heard of the
TV show "impractical jokers"?

Yeah? Do you think
you're on the TV show

"impractical jokers" right now?

Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.

What a corn ball.

You think that's Joe
from "impractical jokers"?

I apologize.

See, I didn't have to do
a glasses reveal.

You think these cameras
are filming us right now?

I'm sorry
you had to experience that.

There was no... by the way,

he took off the glasses
like a Scooby-doo mask.

The kid
had no reaction.
The kid
had no recognition.

That was as vintage
James s. Murray as you can get.

Narrator:
Murr's proposal got pooh-poohed,

so he's getting punished.

Well, Murray is our loser.

I see you're dressed up.

That's 'cause today we have you
at yonkers city hall,

and you're gonna
be giving a speech

to the mayor's advisory board.

What am I advising them on?

Let's just say you're an expert
with a great speech.

I know what you're thinking.
We wrote the speech.

Oh, no! Promise you,
the speech is fine.

The speech in itself is amazing.

Which leaves the question,
"what's not fine?"

Sal: This is
straight-up city hall.

Like, we're penetrating
the government.

Joe: These are
real advisory boards.

There's a youth advisory board,

a women's advisory board,
a Muslim advisory board,

and they invited
Murray to speak.
Yes.

Murray, the speech
is on the table,

but there's also a stack of
cards with random lines on it.

When we say "line" at any point,

you read that line no matter
where you are in speech, okay?

Mayor spano: Welcome, everyone,
here to city hall.

The mayor's the only one
in one it with us,

although Murray
doesn't know that.

I'd like to introduce you
to James,

who will be overseeing
our new advisory board.

Give a nice
yonkers welcome to James.

Joe: Here he is!
Here he is!

Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

Okay.

I thank you, mayor spano,

and thank you
to the city of yonkers.

I'm truly honored
that you asked me

to speak at this
milestone event.

Who's gonna say "line" first?
Who's gonna say it first?

The importance
of these advisory boards.

To make decisions
about local government

without the counsel
of different representatives

would be foolish.

Line.

My...

Excuse me.

Without the counsel
of different representatives

would be foolish.

Line.

My...

Excuse me.

My bald head is filled
with crazy thoughts.

In order to determine
what is best for your city,

you must consider the needs
of all who reside here.

Line.

I only touched his throat.

In my opinion, diversity is
our greatest resource.

Bringing together so many people

from various walks of life
into one room

is often the closest thing...
Line.

I washed it.

What happens next is up to you.

I think it is beautiful to see

so many people here today...

Don't laugh.

Who care so deeply about
the community they represent.

A community is like a quilt...

Interwoven with many
different parts.

Line.

Show of hands...
What year were you born?

The road ahead is not easy,

but is in the hands
of people who care.

It is your job to give
your community a vision.

It's your job to help them
overcome adversity.

Q: Line.

We've all slept
on a wet mattress

that we don't know
how it got that way.

I have never been
so happy to be back here.

Working together
is caring together.

Q: Line.

My father really
messed me up emotionally.

As leaders, the world
has never been smaller

than it is right now.

Communication has
never been easier.
Line.

It itches and it burns,

but I still show up for work
every morning.

That's when
I developed the mantra

that guided me
to this day.
Line.

Malcolm X has streets
named after him for a reason.

Capiche?

Listen to the problems
that others bring up.

Line.

All the women in the world

aren't worth a goose drop
to a flemish man.

Line.

I've been attacked my monkeys
on three separate occasions.

I'd love to share
a personal anecdote.

Line.

Home is where
you Duke the hardest.

A big part of
what we're doing here...

Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Is set an example.

When folks on a platform
as visible as this

can be seen working together
effectively...

Oh, my god.
It's a huge inspiration.

Q: It looks like a room
where people

have just been
laying fart after fart,

and everybody's too polite
to say anything about it.

Before I turn things over
to mayor spano,

I'd like to close by saying...

Line.
Line.
Line.

There's water on my goolie.

I'm gonna take my notes.

- - Joe: Whoo!
- Nice work.

So there's no...
I can't go out this way?

Q: He can't get out.
He can't get out.

This way?

He's totally lost.

Excuse me.
Is it this way?

Excuse me. I'm sorry.
Do you mind if I...

Guys, thank you.

He's gone.

This is an emergency exit, too?

That's an emergency exit, too?

That's an emerg...
That's an emergency exit?

I'm gonna go out this.
Can I go out this way?

Guys, thank you.

♪

So murr just gave
a bonkers speech in yonkers,

and now you get
a behind-the-scenes look

at how it happened and bonus
footage from tonight's episode.

My bald head is full
of crazy thoughts.

♪

This is a unique opportunity

to really be in the city hall
with the mayor.

Having the legitimacy there
is hard to beat.

Today, everyone was instructed
to dress business casual.

And so you can see,
Jeff is business, and then...

casual.

Welcome, everyone,
here to city hall.

It's great to have you all here.

Oh, how fun is it that the mayor
is on our side?

Now you know.

It's kind of like
"Dover sucks."

Yeah, exactly.

♪

Murr: Oh, my god!

How about this building?
Holy smokes.

This is amazing.

That's the actual flag
Betsy Ross sewed.

No joke, that's the first flag.

Is that serious?
Yeah,
you notice there's...

Yeah, she knew
there was gonna be 50 states.

Wow.

♪

So I have to just keep murr
from finding out

too much of what's gonna happen.

So this is the part
that I love...

I have to hang out
with murr a bunch.

Wait, it sounded sarcastic,
the way you just said that.

No, no, no, it's great.

You said, "this is the part
that I love."

Oh, no, no, I have a vocal tick.

It's like a...
do it again.
Let me here you.

Here's the part I hate.

I have to babysit murr.

Ladies and gentlemen,
we're about to start the event.

I'm nervous, I'm nervous,

I'm nervous, I'm nervous,

I'm nervous, I'm nervous,

I'm nervous, I'm nervous,

I'm nervous, I'm nervous.

Okay. See you on
the other side, buddy.

Thank you, sir.

♪

You're going to see some
amazing changes in yonkers.

Line.
Line.
Line.

I'm not here to get rimshots
from the peanut gal-a-geen.

Gal-a-geen.
Gal-a-geen.

Sure...
Line.

Everyone knows how Angela
lansbury feels about owls.

Right?

She was an advocate of owls
in this community.

He's literally banging his head
against the wall.

Q: Now he knows what it's like
to be us... this guy right here.

This guy is us every day.

Shrimp, shrimp, shrimp,
purple shrimp, Vanessa.

Think lobster, not shrimp.

What?
I'm not sure.

This would be good
for a catchy headline.

That's got to go down
as one of my faves, and
I don't say that often.

Casey: It was too loud
in here, almost.

Like, everyone had to, like,
shut you guys up.

Yeah, they're only
two doors away.

Line.

'Twas the old, wrinkly bag
that held the family jewels.

I've spent several years working
with various advisory boards.

Nice job.

You know, thank you, thank you.
It was all me.

♪

Like, I'll try to make a list
beforehand, so...

Q: Oh,
here comes Murray.

Just usually grab-and-go stuff.

Aah!

No surprise there,
Murray couldn't break the board.

Let's see the funny part
of this.

The kid's giving Murray
the finger!

The kid was just giving Murray
the finger.

He's supposed to give you
the finger.

The kid gives Murray the finger
instead of Joe.

Dude, that's what
makes it funny.