10x20 - Outtakes and Chill

[bunniefuu]

[ laughter ]

[ screams ]

Let's just get this started.

Are you [bleep] kidding me?!

Who's a good cat?

[ laughter ]

[ laughter echoing ]

Today we're at playa bowls
working the register

And ringing up customers.

The catch is, once
the customer is ready to pay,

We'll have to take it
upon ourselves

To enter our own tip amount.

The goal is to make
as much money as possible,

And whoever accumulates the
most tip money, that guy wins.

Alright, fellas, we're
working today at playa bowls.

- You gonna lose this one.
- [ laughs ]

There's no way
for you to win this.

No chance you're gonna win this.
You're easily gonna lose this one.

Why? You have an
aura coming off of you.

I do not. I have a warm
smile, a welcome embrace.

I'm mr. Bowls.

No.

[ laughter ]

Hi. Welcome to playa bowls.

Dang.

Could I draw your
eye to the custom tip?

- Alright, here we go.
- Here we go.

Murr: Now, the bill was $12.47.

What I think would
be a great custom is

If I just did the $10
on top of that bill,

"what happened was I bought
more house than I could afford."

What happened is this.

I bought more house
than I can afford.

[ q laughs ]

Are you feeling me?

- No. There we go.
- Aha.

I can't hit the... can I just...

If I just press... if I
just lower my fing...

Just hit the next?
- Yeah.

[ both laugh ]

If I can't afford it, I won't
have that house anymore.

- Okay, fine, yeah.
- Okay, got it.

- Oh, come on, dude.
- Oh, my god.

- Okay, I can afford the house.
- Yay.

You get paid tomorrow? Okay.

[ q and sal laugh ]

I paid over asking
price. You know how it is.

- Thank you.
- Just great. Be gone.

- Thank you.
- [ laughs ]

He's a maniac.

- Hi. Welcome to playa bowls.
- Hi.

You got it.

So let me talk to
you about this tip.

[ q and sal laugh ]

Anyways, can I talk to you
for a moment about the tip?

[ q and sal laugh ]

It's, uh, $10.83.

So what I'm going to do is
I'm going to add, like, a $2 tip.

So then you just
owe me another $2.

Oh, oh, oh. [ q and sal laugh ]

- Ooh.
- Whoo! There you go.

I'm really underwater
on a house I bought.

Ask them. They know.

[ q and sal laugh ]

- Oh, just what's wrong with me?
- Yeah.

[ both laugh ]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Sure, sure, sure.

"I'm sorry. I'm a thoroughly
unpleasant person."

Here's your change.
There's the 13 cents.

My apologies for being such a
thoroughly unpleasant person.

O-o-oh. [ chuckles ]

[ laughter ]

You don't know
the half of it, lady.

[ chuckles ] I'm making money.

[ ding! ]

- Wow.
- Here we go, sal.

- Hello.
- I'll do the playa acai bowl.

- Playa acai? Sure.
- Yeah.

And then... okay.

Enter $10 and go,
"oops. Did I do that?"

So just here we go.

So I'm going to just hit this.

So you see.

Yep. You can
just select the tip.

Yeah, something like that.

$10. [ chuckles ]
oops. Did I do that?

Oh. Wow. Okay.

Um, I don't think I'm
gonna tip $10 today.

You can "x" out of that.
Yeah, no problem, no problem.

You can "x." [ both laugh ]

Urkel didn't work.

We'll reverse it and
then hit the "custom,"

And then we'll do, like, a $5.

- "did I do that?"
- did I do that again?

Oh, you are very funny.

[ both laugh ]

So...

Murr: Do a $4.99 cent tip.

And it's custom to do $4.99.

"did I do that?"

- Oops.
- Oh. You know what?

Did I do that again?

Alright, hit "x." [
q and murr laugh ]

You know what?
Thank you very much.

- You do it. You do it.
- I'm gonna go.

- No, you do it. You do it.
- No, I'm all set.

Thank you very
much, I appreciate it.

I'm gonna go get something else.

- We got... it's all good.
- All good. It's all good.

[ q and murr laugh ]

Wow, dude, she
seemed to like you

Until the moment she
walked out of the place.

Did I do that?

Yeah. Yeah, you did that, bud.

- Hello. How are you?
- Hey.

You gotta make up
some ground here, bud.

You're way behind.

Absolutely.

Murr: Alright, buddy,
I want you to enter

Just a run-of-the-mill
$5 tip for old stinky.

[ q and murr laugh ]

Sorry, old stinky.

Let me alert your
attention to this tip screen.

Uh, so, for example,

Just a run-of-the-mill
$5 tip here for old stinky.

[ laughter ]

Yeah. Oh, yes, I'll get
you right back there.

You don't have to put
anything. You can put no tip.

$2. Oh, that's so kind
of you. Thank you.

That was so sweet of you.

Yeah, just so you
understand, that goes to me.

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I am old stinky.

[ laughter ]

Sal, do me a favor.

Exit playa bowls with the
old stinky walk that we all love.

- [ laughs ]
- there you go.

[ buzzer ] [ laughter ]

Two bucks.

Hey, what's going on,
bud? How you doing?

- Alright, q.
- What's the word, man?

Alright, I'll get the
banana walnut fig.

What's it say over there?

- Uh, tip.
- Tip. Okay, great.

So what you could do there,
you could even do a custom

If you want, and put
in $8.95, if you want.

Wait, isn't that how much it is?

Oh-h*-h*-h*-h*-h*.

Yeah, but...

Sal: Shh. Whisper to him,
"I'm with the resistance."

Shh. I'm with the resistance.

Okay.

So you could hit that "x"
if you need to cancel that,

Or we can just... oh, okay.

You don't... you don't
want to do 100%?

No, no, no. I'm
down to give a tip.

Just, I can't give, like,
double the amount.

I'm sorry.
- You can't?

[ sal and murr laugh ]

Just... expensive jacket.

It look like you're
doing well in life.

Dude, I'll give you the money.

[ both laugh ]

[ cash register beeps
] hey, you did it?

[ laughing ] wow!

- Good man.
- The resistance thanks you.

Okay. [ sal and murr laugh ]

Oh, boy. Children.

Sal: [ laughs ] you're
gonna clobber these kids.

How's it going, guys?

I'll get kowabunga and nutella.

Tap here?
- Ehhh.

We're gonna learn
some life lessons today,

Like how to tip. For instance,

What were you thinking of
pressing when you did that?

- 15%. 20%.
- Custom? That's right.

Hit custom. It'll be alright.

Murr: [ chuckling
] "it'll be alright."

Okay, now...

Alright, let's do $40. If
you're asking, let's do $40.

[ gasps ]

No. No.

-No. -His bill is $68.20.

- No, no, no.
- Oh, no.

Q: We're going to learn some
life lessons today, like how to tip.

Okay, now...

Alright, let's do $40. If
you're asking, let's do $40.

Let's do $40.
- [ gasps ]

Sal: No. No. No.

Murr: His bill is $68.20.

Go ahead. Now just tap
your thing right on that.

[ cash register
beeps ] no, no, no.

Yeah, "not enough funds."

Not enough?

[ both laugh ]

- You aimed for the sun.
- Yes.

Trying to rip off a
kid, and I can't even...

I can't even do it.

Gave it to you and didn't
have enough money.

How screwed is that?

[ buzzer ] [ laughter ]

Narrator: Sal's gratuity
was not included,

Making him first up
on the loser board.

Today we're working
in an office, but aw.

Aw, sal's tummy hurts,

And we already
paid for the location.

So instead, we brought
our buddy joe derosa to fill in.

But here's the fun part.
Sal hates the wheel of doom,

But we love it, and you love it.

And since he's not
here, it's time to play the...

All: Wheel! Of! Doom!

Joe: You got to complete
the task the wheel gives you

Or you lose, sir.

You lose.

Joe, you spend a lot of time

With sal recording your
podcast "taste buds."

How do you feel, like, now

That you've hung out with
me and murr without sal?

Do you feel, like, closer to
murray than you did before?

[ laughs ]

I think the accurate way to
say is I feel further from sal.

[ laughter ]

Alright, send them in.

We're going to have you
work with james a little bit.

What's your name? Steve?
Pleasure to meet you, buddy.

Vanna.

Spin! That! Wheel!
- Spin! That! Wheel!

Oh. Oh.

Oh! Oh. Oh. Alright.
- [ laughs ]

Murr, you got to try

And get an eye
roll from this guy.

Go ahead. Give it a shot.
See if you can get that eye roll.

Give me one second,
steve. My wife is calling me.

- That's okay.
- She's nine months pregnant.

Hi. Hi, love. I can't.

Just call titi.

She'll take you.

I know it's our first
child, but I can't make it.

I have to finish
this spreadsheet.

-[ laughs ] -how far
dilated are you? Is...

Then call me when
you see crowning.

[ both laugh ]

Mur, you're getting
raised eyebrows,

But you're not
getting eye rolls.

I have, like, two more hours
of work, and then I'll come.

Okay. I love you, too.
Bye. Wife is pregnant.

She's... it's... this is
like... oh, thank you.

This is our third
false alarm, though.

She... you know, we've been
through this [bleep] before.

You know what I'm saying, steve?

[ q and joe laugh ]

Murr, I don't see this
guy rolling his eyeballs.

Now, do you want to keep trying,

Or you want to roll
the wheel again?

Joe: Alright. Ready?

- Spin! That! Wheel!
- Spin! That! Wheel!

- "get dragged!"
- "get dragged!"

- Oh-h*-h*.
- [ laughs ]

You got to get dragged, bro.

I'm getting to the white sheet.

Give me one second, my friend.

I just go to file some stuff.
- Take your time.

Murr: Okay, let
me see what I got.

What is he doing?

Joe: What do you
think he's doing?

Oh, my god. Are you going to do

What I think you're going to do?

Let me get these files out.

He's gonna pull this file
cabinet down on top of him.

You crazy son of a b*tch.

Dude, you're gonna get hurt.

Oh, my god. Get out of here.

S-someone help me! [ grunts ]

[ imitating groaning ]

Steve, help me out.

D-drag me. Drag me. Drag
me. Drag me back to my desk.

My leg. Drag me. Drag
me. Drag me. Get it.

Get it, get it. Pull,
pull, pull, pull. Ah!

- Son of a b*tch!
- Nice.

God, I hurt my ankle.

Get it, steve.
- Fantastic.

[ laughs ] get out of here!

Alright, let's go.

You can set your
stuff right here.

Hi. Hey. How are you.

Alright, q, you ready
to spin the wheel?

Hmm.

- Spin! That! Wheel!
- Spin! That! Wheel!

Oh, my god. [ laughs ]

Oh! You've got to audibly fart.

[ laughs ]

We're going to
send in bean terry.

He'll give you a little
sense of what's going on.

Ooh-whee! Baked beans.

- Bean terry.
- Oh.

- Baked beans.
- Bean terry.

Bean terry's our dear
friend terry matalas

From "star trek" fame
and "12 monkeys" fame.

- "picard," right? Yeah.
- "macgyver." "picard."

One of our dear friends.
- [ speaks indistinctly ]

-I'm good, man. The last
-come on. Try a little.

Come on.
- I'm alright, man.

What if I gave you
the bean express?

[ murr and joe laugh ]

- It's just... okay. Alright.
- [ imitating train ]

[bleep]

- Yeah. [ chuckles ] yeah.
- Mmm.

Whoo! You want some beans?

[ murr and joe laugh ] alright.

- Alright, bean terry.
- Bean terry.

Murr: Alright, q, I want
to hear an audible fart.

I can't do it.

Yes, you can.

Bean terry, I can't
work with him anymore.

The guy eats baked
beans constantly.

Well, good thing he doesn't
come around farting, huh?

Oh, you don't say.

Oh, boy. Don't tell
me you got to fart.

[ murr and joe
laugh ] you don't say.

You're right to be concerned.

Why don't I just...

Eh!

Murr: Oh, are you gonna try
to fart from across the room?

[ murr and joe laugh ]

Audio, do we have
his as*h*le mic'd?

Look at his face.
Look at his face.

[ grunting ]

[ murr and joe laugh ]

[ speaks indistinctly ]

[ straining ] come on. Come on.

Joe: Oh, god.
Yeah, there you go.

She's literally hiding from you.

[ straining ] terry, come on.

- [ laughs ]
- [ grunts ]

Hey, q, just walk across the
room, go up to her, and say,

"can you pull my
finger?" [ laughs ]

Yeah, could you do me a favor?

Could you pull that one second?
- No.

[ both laugh ]

There's a bathroom downstairs.

[ buzzer ] that is
a thumbs-down.

Q: Alright, joe, are you
ready? Joe, feel excited?

You're going to get your first
person to mess with right now.

Gets nerve-racking when
you're not behind the monitors,

You're actually down here.

It's a little nerve-racking.

Murr: Alright, joe,
here is your temp.

- Hey. How are you doing?
- This is helena.

Oh. Hi, helena. How you doing?

I'm joe.
- Alright, buddy.

- Spin! That! Wheel!
- Spin! That! Wheel!

Come on. Come on, come
on, come on, come on.

Oh-h*-h*-h*!
- Oh!

Alright, joe, you've got to
get her dad's phone number.

Oh, yeah, and it's
got to be romantic, bro.

- Get her dad's digits.
- [ laughs ]

Murr: Alright, joe, you've got
to get her dad's phone number.

Q: [ laughs ] oh, yeah. And
it's got to be romantic, bro.

Are you from here?
[ q and murr laugh ]

I live in montclair.

- Where's your family from?
- Haiti.

Haiti? We're originally
from haiti, yes.

Haiti, oh, this is going
to be a long-distance call.

Your parents moved
here. Are they still here?

They're still... yes,
my mom lives in jersey.

My dad lives in queens.

Oh, they're not
together. I live in queens.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

[ both laugh ]

This is purely romantic, buddy.

- What's he do?
- Well, he's retired now.

He's like 83.

There's nothing wrong with 80.

[ both laugh ]

I, uh...

Q: Yo, 80 for haiti,
baby. Get in there.

[ laughs ]

I think... I think


Like, when... when I date,
I mean. I date older men.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

"and you said he's
from g*y-ti? I mean haiti."

[ laughs ]

[ both laugh ]

[ coughing ]

- Get back in there.
- What are you doing?

- You have her.
- You can't walk off.

I'm sorry. Excuse
me. [bleep] god.

[ both laugh ]

I know. Come on.

We got to lighten it up in
here a little bit because...

I'm trying, but I don't want
to goof on these numbers,

So I'm, like...
and it's not quite...

Nah. Speaking of numbers,
any other older men?

Are you looking for a hookup?

Is that what
you're trying to do?

[ q and murr laugh ]

- Anyway. What did your dad do?
- Uh, orthodontics.

Oh, my god, he's a doctor, too?

Sweep me off my feet.

[ chuckles ]

-[ laughs ] -[ laughing
] this is so weird.

This is your life right now.
- [ coughing ]

Murr: This is so
weird, you weirdo.

You're hitting on her


Ah, excuse me. I got a cough.

Okay, so then you're gonna
have to stop speaking to me,

Because I have to figure
out this whole method here.

[ q and murr laugh ]

What if I told you I
wouldn't say another word

If you gave me your
dad's phone number?

[ both laugh ]

Guys, can you hear me?

- Yes.
- Yeah. What are you doing?

What are you doing out there?
- Yeah, what are you doing?

What happens if I
just give up right now?

- Sal gets a thumbs-down.
- Okay.

I don't want to do this anymore

Because it's not working.

[ q and murr laugh ]

Yes, miss, this man's
name is sal vulcano.

He's not here today,

So I am filling in for
him as a comedian.

Aye, yai, yai.

I was tasked with
the prank of trying

To get your father's
phone number.

I'm not even g*y.

[ q and murr laugh ]

Murr: And that's it.

Sal takes the loss.

[ q and murr laugh
] q: Sorry, sal.

Narrator: Joe derosa
was spun for a loss,

Making sal tonight's big loser.

Yes! Alright, sal has lost,

So tonight we are
here at bowl-rite

In union city, new
jersey, for his punishment.

- Thank you, derosa. Thank you.
- Bud, you know that guy.

We all know this guy.
- Yeah.

The jerk that just
flashes money around,

Throws it at people, you know?

You know that kind of guy?
- Yeah, a douchebag?

- Yeah, douchebag.
- Yeah.

Well, tonight you
are that douchebag.

- Yeah, alright.
- You're that guy.

So get out there, buddy.
For your troubles, alright?

Just... come on. Get out there.
- Yeah, yeah.

Q: Here we go, baby.

I'm in d*uche mode.

Oh, there he is. There
he is. Look at him.

Murr: Look at the crew.

You guys are
already insufferable.

Yo, I got us lane one.

Sal's crew are all the
editors on "impractical jokers."

It's his dangerous nights
crew, if you will. Yeah.

We've told sal his
name is fast eddie.

Yo, this is crazy.

[ q and murr laugh ]

We gave you all those
singles for a reason, bro.

Just shower people with money.

Yo, cheers, bro.

Cheers, bro.
- Cheers.

Linger around people a little
bit, saying douchey things.

Let's warm it up. Alright?
- Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, dude!

Boom boom!

[ laughing ] I can't do
this. I can't do this. I can't.

- Yes, you can.
- Yes, you can. Yes, you can.

[ laughing ] I can't believe
there are people like this.

Oh [bleep]

Let me see how fast eddie bowls.

Whaaaa! [ laughs ]

-Two ba*ls at once?
[ laughs ] -yeah.

Yeah!

Meant to do that!

[ q and murr laugh ]

Sal, before you
throw the ball, go,

"yo, I'm gonna bowl
later tonight with my girl."

- Okay.
- Bowl deez nuts.

Oh [bleep]

[ q and murr laugh ]

Yeah, I'm going to bowl later
tonight with my girl, though.

Bowl deez nuts.

Man: Ooh!

[ laughter ]

Ooh, this is skin-crawling.

Alright, fast eddie, the
lane next to these folks,

Go grab their ball.
- Ooh.

Guys, I might not see you again.

Q: Try and buy the one he's
got in his hands right now.

Dude, before you throw that,

Before you throw that,
can I... can I, like...

Can I get that?

- No? You sure? No?
- Ugh.

But I need more
doucheyness, bud.

- Yeah.
- Try to take this guy's ball.

I can buy that ball from you?

How much? How much?
Money buys everything, baby.

Money talks.

Sal, when it comes
out of the return,

Take it anyway.
- Ah, I don't know, man.

[ laughs ]

It's a punishment. Do it.

Roll up the money

And put it in one of
the holes of the ba*ls,

And then take another one.

Alright, here we go then.
Just give you that right there.

Ba-day-ow. Boom, boom! Peace!

[ q and murr laugh ]

God. You know what I
would like to see him do?

Try and buy the gold
necklace off the guy

In the white t-shirt.

I don't know how I'm
going to get through this.

I don't know how I'm
going to get through it.

It's so insulting.

"yo, dawg, I got to have it.

I got to have it, bro."
- "got to have it, bro."

My dudes, my
dudes, for real, though.

For real, how much
for the gold chain?

You sure?
- Show him the money.

Yep. Make it rain.

Let me just...

- [ laughs ] oh.
- Yeah.

- How much for the gold chain?
- Show him the money.

Ba-dow. Ba-dow.

Throw a few on the floor, bud.

Alright. Listen, listen, listen.

Listen to me. Look,
look. Think about it, kid.

[ q and murr laugh
] think about it.

That's it. There you
go. That's what we want.

Oh, my god.

Sal, I want you to spill your
drink on someone else's lane

And just throw money
on top of the spill.

Ugh. [ q and murr laugh ]

You're not cleaning it up.

Just make it rain on the lane.

[ laughs ]

Alright, buddy, -excuse me.

Are you guys using every
one of these by chance?

- It don't matter.
- It doesn't matter at all?

You sure?
- Yeah.

Okay.

Uh...
- Whoops.

Maybe this one right here.

Oh [bleep] [bleep]

Throw money at it.
Throw money at it!

That's me.

[ laughs ] ah! There we go.

More, more, more, more, more.

[ q and murr laugh ]

[ laughing ] oh, yeah.

[ both laugh ]

- Alright, fast eddie...
- please, guys. Go ahead.

Very last bowling lane.

I want you to go in front of
them, start taking a phone call,

And when they say something,

Just throw money at the problem

And continue with
your phone call.

Block their game.

Alright. Goon
squad. Alright, guys.

Hey, come on. That's not how
you talk to your goon squad.

Yeah, I'm going to go
[bleep] sh*t up on lane 16.

There you go.

Yo, I got a... I
got a phone call.

I got an important phone
call to take on lane 16.

-Oh! -Lane 16!

[ both laugh ]

Oh [bleep] [bleep]

- Here he goes.
- Alright.

I told you that already.
That's what I'm saying.

Oh, here he goes.

That was exactly
what I'm saying.

I don't even know
what you're going to do.

It doesn't matter.

That's it. That's it. That's it.

Yes. Yes, dude.

Oh [bleep] sorry
about that. Yeah.

- Throw money. Throw money.
- Yeah.

Yo, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Yo, dude, I'm sorry, bro.

Throw it. Throw it.
Throw it. Throw it.

For the... I'm sorry about that.

What's that? Hold on, hold on.

I just got to finish the call.

More money. More money.

I'm sorry, guys.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Take it. Just take it.

Hello? Please. Yes, sir?

Which corner?

Buddy, money will
solve this problem.

But look what happens
on the other side. Fives.

Alright. Alright. Alright.

Wad it up in a
ball and throw it.

Alright, listen to me.

I'm sorry.
- Alright.

[ q and murr laugh ]

[ laughing ] oh, my god!

Jesus [bleep] christ.

- [ laughing ]
- oh, my god!

How'd that feel, bud?

- Not good.
- [ laughs ]

What if fast eddie
had to go back

And beg for his
money back because...

[ q and murr laugh ]

"I was a little bit hasty when
I gave you all that money."

- Sal, yeah, yeah.
- [ laughs ]

- For real?
- Come on, man. Come on.

The big guy wanted
to powerbomb me.

Yeah, go get it back.

Be the most pitiful
version of eddie.

- Alright.
- Goon squad, stand at the ready.

I need that money back.

- Now, listen, this is weird.
- Yeah.

I probably... I probably
reacted a little too fast before.

Yeah, there you go.

Any... any... any way I
can get that... that... that...

That... the paper back?

Yeah.

No, I know, just because
I probably reacted...

I just needed... because I...

Sal, you got backup. Point
to your goon squad, buddy.

I don't want no smoke.

I'm not looking for any
trouble. I meant no disrespect.

I got my goon squad in lane one.

Those are your guys
over there? Yeah.

[ q and murr laugh ]

What the [bleep] is...?

What is that sh*t going on?

[ q and murr laugh ]

Man: Hold on.

- Hit one of those pins?
- Yeah.

And you'll give me
the money back?

- Yeah.
- Sal, pick up the ball,

Drop it, throw money
at him, and say, "nah."

- [ laughs ]
- and walk away.

- And you... any one?
- Either one.

Fast eddie!

Q: Fast eddie!

Nah, kid.

[ q and murr laugh ]

This is how this
is going, players.

Everybody going.

[ q and murr laugh ]

Bow.

Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom.

[ goon squad cheering ]

- Eddie!
- Eddie! Eddie!

Cha-bam! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa!

Say, "way-oh!"

- Way-oh!
- Way-oh!

[ q and murr laugh ]

[ men chanting, "goon squad!" ]

[ q and murr laugh ]

I love you, boys.

- Ah.
- Alright. Good job, buddy.