01x03 - In the Bag

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go--
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ You're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

♪ 'Cause you're-- ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[upbeat music playing]

[Detective Lucky sigh] Early morning,
sweetest part of the day.

Alone, peaceful, just me...

and this succulent
little baby, right here.

[crash]

Yes!

And amazagarious greetings
to the entire room!

Whoo!

Yeeeoww! Whoo!

Wabada babada whoo hoo hoo!

Did I startle ya?
Are you okay? No bones broken?

Off the shirt.

Sorry, boss.

Bonkers, can't you toons
ever just come through a door, normally?

Normally? Toons don't do normally things.

Makes us so adorable.

Yeah, like a train wreck.

Ah, let's see.

Detergent, bleach, fabric softener,

shoe polish, olive oil, flour, butter,

two eggs, and a dash of oregano.

Okay toons, time to come clean.

-[boings]
-[all grumbling]

[all muttering]

Toots, that means you, too.

[honks] Huh-uh.

Just what are you doing?

[flatulence noise]

[angry honking]

[Bonkers] No use hiding, Toots.

It's bath time.

Spring cleaning.

Spring cleaning?

Yes, for the inspection.

[grunts] You poor, misguided toon.
What inspection?

I think the memo said,
merit raise inspection.

Merit raise inspection?

You're not ready?

Well, uh, of course I'm ready.

-A professional is always ready.
-[Toot honks]

Well in that case,

you certainly won't need to review
these new regulations.

What new regulations?

We might as well toss them.

Whoa, wait! Whoa, stop!

Wait awhile.

Well, if you don't think you're ready.

I didn't say that.

When you've been around as long as I have,

a little merit inspection
doesn't bother you, no way.

Got it, chief. And if you don't pass,
who cares if you are fired?

Fired? Who said anything about fired?

There's probably plenty of work out there.

-Maybe, probably.
-Other work?

You're right,
forget the big fat pay increase.

Increase?

[Chief grunts] Okay, Bonkum,

I've decided, I'm going to let you
grill me on this inspection stuff.

Now, refresh my memory
as to the amount of the pay increase.

Come on, talk to me.

Talk is cheap, but then, so is this suit.

Of course, if you are going to pass,
we better start with your appearance.

What's wrong with my appearance?

Well, for one thing,
too much is appearing.

Oh, really?

What you need is a new look.

Let's see! Shoulders - 18, waist - 85,
Inseam - 39, cuffs? Of course!

Hut, hut, hut, hike!

I knew this was a mistake.

I'm going to sew you a suit.

While we're waiting, how's about a quiz?

Boy, I hate quizzes. All right, go.

Who's in trouble when there's a code

Well, uh...

Time's up. And now, for bonus points
and a chance at a free spin.

Who's in trouble when there's a code
in your nose?

Boy, that's a toughie.

No one! Because the suit comes with
a nice, clean hanky-poo.

Brilliant.

[honk]

That is disgusting.

Back to the quiz.

And now, for the final question.

How would you book the seven dwarves
and their sisters?

That's got to be a trick question.

-Sorry, out of time!
-[buzz]

Darn! I almost had that one.

What am I saying? Enough already!

[Broderick] Yo! Hey!

Yo! Yo, hey! Over here! Hubba-bubba!

Hey, Lucky, it's Broderick.

If you two are finished playing dress-up,
we got work to do understand?

Hello! Hey! I'm talking to you.
You! You! You! You! You!

Look, we got a 1067 at 10:15
at 1036 Movie Land Drive.

Let's move it. Come on. Now.

Shall we use the police light?

Do we have to?

Ta-da!

It's showtime!

Good evening, ladies and germs.
So pleased to be here.

Ya' know I just flew in from Chicago,
and boy are my arms tired.

Great room! Great crowd! Thank you.
Aren't you nice.

♪ Ohh, Camptown ladies sing this song ♪
Doo dah ♪

Thank you. Aren't you nice.
Aren't you nice.

Toons. One of these days,
I've got to get that real light fixed.

Hey, hey! Do you have to sing?

Can't you just siren?

Jokes! I do jokes!
Come on, I got some great ones.

No jokes, please, no jokes.

Aw c'mon, you're gonna love this.
All right, listen.

Two toons are wearing
roller skates, right?

They run into a hot dog stand.
One toon says to the other...

[mumbling]

[Lucky] 1036 Movie Land Drive.

Why does that address
sound familiar to me?

[Bonkers] It's the Mad Hatter's house.

[tires screech]

-[radiator bubbles]
-[car backfires]

Oh, this day is going from bad to worse.
Those guys are over the edge.

Okay, let's just make it quick.

Phew! Seems like they add more steps
every time we come here.

[honks]

Who invited him?

Honk! Honk!

Good for sniffing out clues and furballs.

-[buzz]
-Hey, Bub!

Get your finger out of my nose, would ya?

And get off my face.

"Get off my--" Hello, Hatter!

Anyone here call the police?

No, but thanks for asking. Goodbye.

Fine with me. Let's hit it.

[honks]

[Hatter] So, there you are!

I called hours ago.

Where have you been? How have you been?

And, why have you been?

Well, come in, come in.

Ah, you're just in time for tea.

Sit, sit, sit. Come on, sit, sit.

[laughs] No, thanks.

Oh, thank you, yes. I'll take some.

Shhh! None for me.

Besides, you don't have any cups.

Neither do we. Neither do we. Ha ha!

[crash]

[slurp]

Just, what's the complaint?

That's just it, you see,

No cups.

They're gone! Stolen, pilfered,
lifted, hijacked, confiscated--

Snatched, burglarized, filched, pillaged--

Plundered, ripped off,
poached, shanghaied--

-Bamboozled, purloined, embezzled, even.
-I get the point!

But who'd want your silly teacups, anyway?

[giggles]

Oh, that's cute.
Maybe you just misplaced--

Rotate! One down!

One over! Come on, move it, move it!

Rotate!

Why do we always have to go through this?

Because, if we sit where we were,
we won't be where we are, you know.

And consequently, if we aren't
where we are,

[laughs] then where are we?

Now, [clears throat],
let me get this straight.

You called us about a few missing teacups?

-He called.
-About teacups.

Right, missing teacups.

Missing teacups!

We are!

Yowzer! This sounds serious.
What should we do first? Search for clues?

Round up the usual suspects?

Start using paper cups?

If we find your missing teacups,
we'll bring them right back.

But now I've got an important inspection
to prepare for.

Nice doing business with you.

Ciao. We're out of here.

But Lucky, this could be the big case
you're always looking for.

[Lucky] Wrong. Whoa!

No! No! No! No! No!

[Handbag giggles]

[Bonkers] Isn't it nice being so close?

Look, just write this up, and then,
it's back to the inspection, okay?

I don't think so.

Ugh, Terrific! I probably ripped them
falling down those stupid stairs.

Here, maybe I can fix it.

I'll just take loose Mr. String here...

Whoa! Whoa! Don't touch that. Be careful.

[snap]

Whoa!

[Bonkers] Whoo! Whoo! Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!

[grumbling] Can't believe
I'm still doin' this. Why me?

[Handbag giggling]

My pants! He took my pants!

Oh, great. I'm standing around in broad
daylight and I've got no pants on.

[Police officer] My point exactly.

Oh, man.

[Lucky chuckles] I can explain...

Whoo!

Cool shorts!

[Officer] Sure, sure.

[Lucky] No, no, really.
My badge is in my pants.

[Bonkers] Look on the bright side Lucky,

if the inspector asks about booking
procedures, you'll know all about it.

Oh, yeah, well, I really needed that.

Humph. Toons.

[Broderick] Yo!

Hey, over here! listen up, will you?

Ahem! Incoming message, okay?

Help! Someone help me!

Oh, no.

It's showtime!

Thank you, aren't you nice?

Hey folks, how about this crime wave, huh?

Where I live, we don't have crime
in the streets...

they make house calls!

Oh, no, please. Oh, not again.

-Everything she bakes...
-[Lucky groans]

[Police light] ...we even have
a soup knife!

Here flies come to our house
to commit suicide.

Ha ha ha!

[Lucky] Quiet up there!

[dog barking]

[Police light] ♪ Camptown ladies
sing this song ♪

♪ Doo dah ♪
Thank you! Aren't you nice?

Can it down there!

Hey, how about some magic, eh?

Hey, hey, what's go--

The doorbell, the mat, they're gone.

Oh, well. So are we.

Finally, I'll have some time
to brush up for the inspe--

[door creaks]

Uh, after you.

Oh, no, no. After you.

After you.

After you.

After you.

No, no, no, I insist.

Just get in there!

[door creaks]

[sobbing]

[Hatter] Gone! Gone! All gone!

There, there, Hatter.

Missing teacups are nothing
to get so upset about.

Teacups?

My good man, the March Hare is missing.

Not to mention, but I will...

one jingle-horn, six clam smashers,

one watch, six clocks,
two rugs, one blue, one red,

three rings, four squares, two pence,

gone! all gone!

This is gone! That is gone!

Gone! Gone! Gone!

An autographed picture
of Herbert Hoover's hoover,

a hey-nonny-nonny, a hot cha-cha,

and one...

shoe!

My shoe? What happened to my shoe?

Yeah, let's find his shoe, quick.

[giggles]

Hey! Where's the Mad Hatter?

[Bonkers] It's like he just
vanished into thin air,

disappeared, took a hike.

Hit the road, went bye-bye,
left no forwarding address, sorta kinda.

Who asked you?
And by the way, who are you?

Hey! You're the toon who took my pants!

[giggles]

-Follow that bag!
-Follow that bag!

[giggles]

[Lucky] Quick, he went that way.

We'll take the squad car.

[giggles]

[tires screeching]

[Bonkers] Strange, I didn't know
we lived in "ollywoo."

[Lucky] This day gets stranger
by the minute.

Missing seat belts,
missing teacups, missing shoes,

missing pay raises, missing brakes--

Missing brakes?

[both] Missing brakes!

Aah! woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

[Lucky] Ooh hoo-hoo!

[Lucky] No, no! Don't--

No! No! No! No! No!

[horns blaring]

No! No! No! No! No!

-Whoa!
-[screaming]

[Bonkers] Ahh woo hoo hoo hoo!!

Ooh, wow! Wah-hoo!
Wah-hoo! Wah-hoo!

Help!

Bonkers, get off me.

Hey! You guys okay?

No, we're not okay.

Here, the least I can do
is give you this back.

Hey, this looks like your shoe, Lucky.

Here's the gum you stepped in.

Guess that's why
they call you gumshoe, huh?

[laughs] Gumshoe.

That is my shoe!

Let me handle this.

Okay bag, hand it over.
That's important evidence.

[Lucky] I'm not sure you want to do this.

You don't want me to do this?

Just give it here.
I'll not have you impede police procedure!

No, no, no. Give him back the
shoe, Bonkers. Give it back.

Okay!

Give it back to him, quick.

I tried to warn you.

[both screaming]

[crash]

[siren runs down]

You again.

Got your pants on this time?

My trousers are intact.

Say, if it's not an inconvenience,

could you give us a lift?

[Lucky] Well, all's not lost.

In fact, this little mishap just gives me
more time to study for the inspection.

What inspection?

The one that will give me a pay raise.

Oh, that inspection.

That gives you a full ten minutes, anyway.

Ten minutes?

As long as we don't get another call.

[Broderick] Hey hey! Yo yo!
I'm talking to you, Piquel!

You got a toon bag in trouble

on top of the permanent building!
You got that?

I'm sorry, a toon bag's in trouble!
We gotta save him!

I am not moving from this spot.

Come on, Lucky. We gotta hurry.

Police emergency! A toon in trouble!

No crummy little toon bag is gonna keep me
from getting a pay raise.

Okay, then.

I'll save the bag alone,

all by myself,

just little old me.

Of course, I could be torn limb from limb,

ripped to shreds, and smooshed to a pulp.

[thud]

Yeah, whatever.

And you'll be sorry

because, no more Bonkers.

That's right.

-No more fun.
-That's right.

No more noogies, no more nothing.

[sobbing]

That's absolutely right.

And you won't have Bonkers
to laugh at again.

But see what I care. See if I ever--

-Will you just go?
-All right, I'm going.

I'm going, Mr. Sensitive.

[sniffs]

Enough, already.

I'll go.

I knew you would.

[Lucky] Mm-hmm, yep.

That's him, all right, our bag buddy.

[Bonkers] Hang on. Don't jump!

[buzz]

[Elevator] unh, unh, unh, unh, unh.

Toon elevator.
Great. I'm taking the stairs.

[door squeaks open]

[footsteps going up]

[footsteps slow down]

[footsteps drag closer]

Don't jump!

Jump? Oh, you silly.

I was never going to jump.

What do you mean--?
Of course you were going to jump.

Nope. I just came up here to think.

Pa-tooie!

Don't do it!

Why didn't you take the elevator?

Don't jump!

Think of the poor, poor, impressionable,
young wallets and purses that will--

He's not jumping.

Not jumping?

Oh. Well, uh-- hey look at that!

You can see the ocean from up here.

Come on, bag, we're taking you in.

Wait, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to cause any trouble.

Here, you can have everything back.

Wahhh!

[Toots honks excitedly]

It's Toots!

That's incredible.

He even stole the Mad Hatter
and the March Hare.

-How'd he do that?
-My! [laughs]

Quite a view! Quite a view!

And you can see the ocean, too.

Why'd you do it, Bag?

I was lonely, see?

Empty. I only stole for attention.

My parents were carpet baggers.

My uncle, he was a pickpocket.

My grandpa, the sea chest was--
he was worthless.

I meant, why did you take
a couple of sillies

like the Hatter and the Hare?

Ha ha! Ha ha ha!

I needed friends?

Oh, you can't steal friends.

You have to make friends.

You can steal time, you can steal sleep,

-you can steal drum.
-[steel drum music plays]

Steel drum? [laughs]

You know, I'm beginning to understand you.

Heh. And it frightens me.

What you need is my fabulous
new friend-making kit,

patent pending.

Just add a little tea.

Coming right up!

Viola! Ha ha!

Instant friend! [chuckles]

Well, tonight'll be kind of special.

Look, I got some important
business to attend to.

You gonna press charges?

No, but I'll press your pants.

Nice shorts.

-Give me those.
-Very well,

But, you can't have the bag.

No! I should say not, and I did.

This bag is my friend!

No, he's my friend!

-He's mine!
-He's mine!

-My friend!
-No, mine!

[Hatter and Hare arguing]

Stop this right now!

Okay.

It's yours.

No! No! No! No! No! No!

Ah-hhh!

Why is it, we can never keep a friend?

Maybe was something we said.

More tea?

I've got to save my partner!

Aaaaahhhh!

Yaaahhhhh!

Happy landings!

Nice landing!

[crunching]

Call 911.

Oops.

Ahem. I, uh...

Have just damaged something
important to me.

[Lucky] Hurry, Bonkers.
If we miss the inspector, no pay raise.

By the way, how do I look?

Hey, you never looked better.

-[Lucky] Come on, hurry!
-Almost there.

-[Lucky] ow! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
-[Bonkers] Sorry.

[Lucky] I'm never gonna pass,
looking like this.

There. Perfect.

And your color, it's so...so...

almost good.

[Lucky] Um... Ohhh...

[knock on door]

Come on in.

You must be the man.

Yep.

Ahhh, heh heh,

I know this looks bad for me, but,

believe me, I really am ready
for this inspection.

No kidding.

[man] Looks a little rusty, to me.

Rusty?

But how can you say that when you haven't
even tested me yet.

Why would I wanna test you?

It's these pipes that need testing.

[Lucky] Pipe?

Uh, you're not a police inspector
for my merit raise?

No, no, no, city inspector.

If I don't fix these rusty pipes,
this place is sewage city.

A sewer inspection?

[laughs] What do you know?

I made a mistakie-poo.

Bonkers...

I'm gonna get you.

I've gotta learn to read
those memos better.

I got Mr. "S" mixed up
with little Mr. "P."

[crash]

Found it! Oops.

Bonkers!

[theme music playing]