01x11 - Hamster Houseguest

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go--
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back ♪
♪ That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're--
-Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers
-Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
♪ Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[dogs barking]

[Lucky] Bonkers!

How about actin' like a cop
for a little while? Now be quiet.

We're on a stakeout.

-Meow!
-[crashing]

[nervous laugh] Breezy, huh?

Bonkers! Now what are you doin'?

Trying to avoid catching p-neumonia.

Well, try actin' less like a toon
and more like a cop will ya!

-And please be quiet!
-Okey-dokey.

Look, the suspect we're after
always strikes at midnight,

so just try and curtail
your toon enthusiasm till then.

-[Bonkers blows a raspberry]
-And be quiet!

Until midnight? Piece o' cake.
No problemo. Not to worry.

By the way, did I forget to mention that
tonight, our suspect is a little early?

D'oh! Why didn't you say something before?

Because you said to be quiet, remember?

And I quote, [yelling] "be quiet!"

I got it! I got it!

[crash]

Ah, Bonkers, why do you
do things like that?

Sorry Lucky, it's a toon thing.

Relax, partner. You're just tense.

A little neck rub, that's what you need.

Ah, yeah, maybe I do need
a little relaxation.

And with the family gone this weekend,
that's exactly what I'm gonna get.

[Lucky sighing]

This is more like it. No work, no worries,
and, best of all, no Bonkers.

[knocking]

Who's there?

-[Bonkers] Cantaloupe.
-Cantaloupe who?

Can't elope tonight.
Dad's got the car. [laughs]

Hello, Lucky! Miss me? [slurp]

Does that answer your question?

I sense you're still a little tense.

Maybe you're just lonely and in need
of my charming company.

I am not lonely.

I just wanna relax, and watch
some ball games in peace, okay?

But wait, there's more.
In addition to my charming company,

if you act right now, we'll throw
in an adorable toon hamster,

at no extra charge!

I don't want a toon hamster.

But, Lucky, he's a friend!
Friend of a friend, actually...

who really needs a place to stay.

Absolutely not.

His name is Tiny. And he's very polite.

He scrubs behind his ears.
He always wears deodorant.

He's friendly, kind to children,

and he's a comparison shopper.

Alright. Alright already!

That comparison-shopper thing,
gets 'em every time.

Actually, I was just trying
to shut up motor mouth over there.

Ah, besides, how much trouble
can an itty-bitty hamster be?

[banging]

Now what? Go away.

I have a feeling my weekend
is about to be ruined.

-[banging continues]
-[crash]

Lucky! Meet my friend,
of a friend of a friend, Tiny.

Tiny, meet Lucky Piquel.

Don't worry. He's just a li'l tense.

-Pleased to m-m-meet you.
-Ah! You didn't tell me Tiny was huge.

Did I forget to mention that?

Well, you know what they
say about toon memory...

what's that?

-What's what?
-[crash]

Oh, dear. I'm ever so sorry.

[gasps]

My wife's gonna k*ll me
when she gets home.

Bonkers! You brought him here.

-Do something.
-Okay.

-Where you goin'?
-To the store for more pretzels.

-I don't need more pretzels.
-You do now.

[gulps]

Would you be so kind as to help me up?

For this, I had to suffer
through the police academy.

[Lucky groans]

Oh dear. I'm so sorry. Really I am.

I'll just sit here
and stay out of your way.

[struggling]

Oh, dear. Oh, my stars.

Oh, heavens. I'm stuck.

Stop! Wait! That's an antique!

[Tiny struggling]

-[crashes]
-[Tiny] Oh, dear.

Oh, now you're really angry.

I'll just skedaddle upstairs
out of your way.

[crunches]

This calls for a little police psychology.

Tiny, I won't hurt you.

Really. I like you, Tiny. I'm not angry.

Really? You like me?

I can come down?

Well, okay.

[giddy laughter]

[crashing]

Would it be terribly inconvenient
for you to get me more chips?

Frankly, yes, but I'm not about
to risk you moving from that chair.

My homeowner's policy doesn't
cover hamster damage.

[crowd roars on TV]

-[clicks]
-[exclaiming] Cartoons! Oh, boy!

[TV announcer] Did you see that folks?

The play of a lifetime!

Ohh...

No dip?

How about some yogurt? Maybe a pillow
and hot-water bottle for my bad back?

Oh, let's see, um... and some lotion
would be nice, aloe if you've got it.

Oh, and I could use a good foot
massage. And, um...

[TV announcer] And that's the end
of the game ladies and gentlemen.

What an incredible game it was!

That's it! I have had it.

I'm gonna...

-Argh, I'm gonna...
-I'm so sorry.

Don't be mad.

I'm gonna... send you upstairs. That's it.

It's time for all good
hamsters to be in bed.

Yeah, I know. I'm a sap. Leave me alone.

[loud eating]

Freeze, mister!

[screaming]

[crashing]

Oh, dear.

All I wanted,

was a little rest and relaxation.

Two days, no toons.

-What are you doing here?
-Trying to sleep, naturally.

Why are you sleeping here?

Who can sleep? Too much racket.

Look, I don't care why you're here.

Because now you can leave,
and take your friend with you.

Oh, mercy sakes.
Please don't fight on my account.

I'll just pack my things and go.
[sniffling]

[Bonkers] You realize
that by kicking us out,

you are definitely not winning
any "host of the year" contest.

-[slams door]
-Ah, finally.

[Bonkers] Make way!
Patient coming through.

What happened to him?

A gigantic, mysterious shadow
crept up on us.

Scalpel. And before I knew it,
Tiny got clobbered.

Sponge. It must be the guy
who's been chasing after Tiny.

-Henway.
-What's a henway?

-About two pounds.
-Ba-dum-bum.

Now, let me get this straight.

Someone's after Tiny, and you brought
him here for safekeeping?

Bingo. I'm guessing it's whoever belongs
to that enormous shadow outside.

-Why didn't you tell me before?
-I forgot.

Nevermind, if there's a criminal lurking
outside, this cop is gonna get him.

I don't care how big he is.

[door slams]

-He's my hero.
-[Lucky screaming outside]

I may have... underestimated the problem.

How could something that big move so fast?

I didn't even get a look at the guy.

We gotta get Tiny someplace
where we'll be--

I mean, he'll be safe.

I still say, correct police
procedure would be

to lock him up in a nice cell.
For protective custody.

-[crashing]
-I told you Lucky,

Tiny has a thing about cages.

It's a hamster thing.

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

No one will ever look
for me in a dumpster, I hope.

Don't worry, partner. I've got an idea.

[Lucky] Remember, Bonkers,
as the senior officer here,

I'm the one in charge.

I'm the one with the most experience.

I'm the one who...
needs a really good flea bath.

There!

Now the humongous mystery shadow
is bound to mistake you for Tiny.

Although Tiny's posture's much better
and his coat is definitely shinier.

Right, look, when I lure him
out in the open,

just make sure you're ready
to nab him, okay?

Trust me. I got you covered, Lucky.

That's what I'm afraid of.

-Ah!
-[car horn]

Move it, you big pink pail of pudding!

All right, little mister. Didn't mama
Piquel warn you about jaywalking?

Ah, I believe, we may have just
found Tiny's assailant,

or rather, he found us.

[Bonkers] Really? He left without
introducing himself. How rude!

[crash]

[sputtering]

Gee, Lucky, do you think
Tiny's assailant did this, too?

Yup, and I'd say we were just
formally introduced.

-[garbage truck engine]
-[Bonkers and Lucky] Tiny!

[Bonkers] Ohh! Poor Tiny!

I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.

I feel so guilty.

Nah, nah, it's all my fault.

-I was supposed to protect him.
-True.

[Tiny] Yoo-hoo! Up here! Up here!

Oh, the dumpster was
far too damp and untidy

So I checked myself
into this nice, clean hotel.

Oh, Mr. Piquel, I used your credit card.
I hope you don't mind.

No, that-- what?

Get down here immediately!

Okey-dokey.

[ricocheting]

[crashing]

[downward whistle]

[crashes]

Oh, by the way, I maxed
out your credit line. Sorry.

Look, we have to figure out
who's after Tiny.

And the sooner the better.

First we'd better clean you up.

You're a mess.

Ah, if only we had some clues. I mean,
who'd want to hurt a toon hamster?

My tie!

Oh! I will never understand
what goes on in a toon's mind.

Understanding what goes on
in a toon's mind...

-[bell dings]
-That's it!

[German accent]
So, you say someone's after you?

That's correct, doctor.

Mm-hmm. Lay back on the couch, please.

You are getting schleepy.

[snoring]

[Bonkers] You will tell me who would
want to frighten you.

Voila.

Swiss cheese, a clue.

Hmm.

The velveteen cheese factory.

[sighs] I don't know what's crazier.

A toon clue leading to a cheese factory,

or that I'm going along with it.

Wow. Look at all this cheese.

My kingdom for a fondue fork.

Look! The mysterious shadow.

-[laughter]
-[Lucky] It's bigger than I thought.

Be careful.

-[sinister cackling]
-Now where did it go? Anyone see it?

[alarm bell ringing]

[screaming]

-[splashes]
-Mmm. Gorgonzola.

Oh, help! Help! Help!

-I think he needs help.
-It would appear so.

-He's your friend.
-Friend of a friend.

Well, I suppose I am the senior officer.

-[spring boings]
-[plops]

Oh, the horror!

-Ooh, quel fromage!
-Tiny, you can stand up.

It's only knee-deep.

Oh, thank you! Thank you!
You saved my life!

How will I ever repay you?

You might start with a good breath mint.

When you two get done playing with
your food. We've got a criminal to catch.

[gasping]

[frightened squeal]

Oh! Eek! It's the mysterious shadow.

Hello, boys.

Mr. Big's the name,
and hamster chasin's the game.

[gasps] Mr. Big. It was you?

Oh, I had no idea. I'm so confused.

[thuds]

You know this guy?

How could you do this to an old friend?
Why would you want to harm me?

And where did you get such a big shadow?

[chuckles]
Had you fooled with a shadow, did I?

Haha, got it wholesale.
Enough with the talk.

I'm gonna flatten ya!

[downward whistle]

[screaming]

Come back here, you overgrown fur ball!

I can't believe it.

It's Mr. Big from
The Mr. Big and Tiny Show.

I love these guys.

You know these guys?

Yeah, but I didn't recognize Tiny.

He looked a lot larger on TV.

-[Tiny] Oh, dear!
-[Mr. Big] Oh, yes!

-Oh, yes!
-Oh, dear!

[hysterically laughing]

I haven't laughed this hard in years.
They're great!

I don't get it. A pip-squeak
mouse chasing a big hamster?

That's supposed to be funny?

Oh yeah! Their cartoon show
is the best! [laughing]

Thanks.

-[squeak]
-Ow!

They were on the air for 12 years.

Everyone was devastated when they retired.

[Tiny] Oh, dear! Oh, my! Oh, no!
Oh, dear! Oh, oh, oh!

I haven't had a job
since he hung up his hat.

And he's gonna pay for it.

Well, after 12 years, I was bored.
It was nothing personal.

I never meant for you to suffer.

-Really?
-Oh, gosh, yes.

I mean, you were my best friend.

Honest? You mean it?

Ah, I feel so much better.

Unfortunately, chasing you
is all I know how to do.

And I do it so well. Freeze!

Or I'll put your career on ice,
you squirrely rodent.

[screaming]

That's it! I've had
it with this toon business.

I'm arresting both of 'em for
being a public nuisance.

Please, Lucky, don't do that.

They can't help themselves. They're toons.

All they need is a break.

Wait a minute. I've got an idea.

We'll find them something else to do.

-We'll get 'em jobs.
-Jobs? Those two? Ha, forget it.

Just think how impressed and
grateful Chief Kanifky will be

when you find a visionary way
to rehabilitate toons.

Yeah. That's true.

He would be impressed,

and I'd finally get that raise
and that promotion.

Well, Lucky, what do you think?

[Tiny imitating a Tarzan yell]

[Mr. Big imitating a Tarzan yell]

Stop! Hold it, guys!

We're finding you a new job.

[crashes]

Let me rephrase that.

Bonkers is gonna find you a new job.

But, uh, Bonkers,

I don't think we can make it
in the real world. We have no skills.

Hasn't stopped me. Listen, if you stick
together like me and Lucky,

you're bound to be successful.

Right, partner?

Right.

Oh, at last, a chance to relax.

So what, if it's the end of the weekend.

Least there's no work,
no stress, and no toons.

[sighs heavily]

Scooch over, will ya?

You're hogging the hammock.

[Lucky yelling]

Bonkers, what a nice surprise!

Wait. Is something wrong?

Why aren't you with Tiny and Mr. Big?

-Nothing's wrong.
-Nothin'?

-I got them a job.
-A job?

-Yes, a job.
-What kinda job?

Ooh, something easy.

Painting, yard work, you know,
all those general home fix 'em up jobs.

[yawn] Well, that's... nice.

And we're giving Chief Kanifky
a big discount.

Chief Kanifky!

[Lucky] No!

[siren]

I can't believe you let those toons
work on Chief Kanifky's house.

This is gonna cost me my job.

Hey, that's not bad, it's not bad at all.

You see, Lucky?
You had nothing to worry about.

Tiny and Mr. Big are doing
a wonderful job.

Well, I'd better get going.

We have a big surprise for the chief,

picking up the permit
for his new petting zoo.

Petting zoo? Bonkers, wait!

This manual labor thing stinks on ice.

I'm bored outta my gourd.

Oh, I have to admit I do kinda
miss the thrill of the chase.

Yeah. The good old days.

Let's do it!

[wailing]

Come back here, hamster breath!

Oh, now look what you've done.

Well, it's not how I would have remodeled,
but to each his own.

The chief is gonna fire me
when he sees this mess.

I'm through, kaput. My career's over.

Ya' know, I'm beginning
to think this regular job thing

isn't working out so well.

Hey, maybe they'll just get
tired and give up.

That's kind of a toon thing, right?

I mean, getting tired, giving up,
they can do that, right?

I don't think so.

-[crashing]
-[Lucky] Come on, move it!

We gotta stop 'em
before they destroy the city.

Come back here,
you pot-bellied prima donna!

Oh, this is more fun than I remembered.

[elevator dings]

[elevator dings]

[Chuck the helicopter]
I've achieved visual contact

with the renegade toons, sir.

Not just toons, Chuck. Toon actors.

And what do actors need most?

Parachutes?

No, good try, Lucky. But what
actors need most is direction.

Okay, boys and girls,
we're rolling film here. Ready!

-[Bonkers] Lights...
-[Tiny] Camera...

Action!

Okay now, hit your mark and make a left.

That's stage left.

[horns honk]

Watch out!

[screaming]

[Bonkers] You really should see someone
about your fear of heights, partner.

Someday, I gotta remember
to get those seat belts fixed.

[Bonkers] Wonderful! Marvelous!
Lovely! and... cut!

Okay, people, this is your big scene.
We're talking academy awards here.

Tiny, Mr. Big, when you run inside,

I want you to give it
everything you've got.

Hold it! I've had enough
of this toon business.

This is police headquarters.

You can't go in there.
You're under arrest!

Lucky, please, stick to the script.

Okay, everyone towards the camera
for that final close-up.

[Tiny] Help!

-[Mr. Big] Come back here!
-[Lucky] Stop!

[crashes]

And that's a wrap, folks.

Oh, can we do it again?

I think you shot my bad side.

All right, what's going on here?

Chief Kanifky.

Which one of you is responsible
for my house?

-He is.
-Well then...

I guess I should be thanking you for
the top notch job your boys did.

My wife loved it.

Quality is our middle name.

Well, not legally.

What are you in for, son?

[Lucky] Ahh, finally...

No work, no toons, and no... Bonkers?

Great news Lucky, a big producer saw
Tiny and Mr. Big on the six o' clock news.

And he's giving them a new show.

I'm so... happy.

Now go home.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! I forgot the best part.

The producer wants you to be the co-star.

-[fanfare]
-[Tiny] Makeup!

[theme song playing]