Brain Dead (2007)

[bunniefuu]

[Music] you got it uh no not yet what's the problem uh

maybe it's all the metal in here no no that's not it it's gotta be um oh hold

on here we go okay mr singer we're ready

no you're not not for this do you still maintain your innocence [ __ ] a mr singer you can't use the f

word on tv oh [ __ ] all right sorry it's okay let's start over ready and you still

maintain you're innocent of all charges absolutely absolutely well

except for maybe the original moving violation so you do admit to vehicular recklessness

and to driving a 2 000 pound machine of metal and chrome irresponsibly into a populated intersection

heedless of the death and destruction you may have inflicted on innocent pedestrians at any moment you could hey hey hey hey hey hey hey

barbara walters do you want to hear this or not yes please all right then shut the [ __ ] up

and pay attention now obviously i wasn't there from the beginning

but based on what i know now i'm pretty sure i can piece the whole thing together

i'm pretty damn sure the whole thing started with one big [ __ ] cosmic accident it's a beautiful night

[Music]

it's only a feeling it's all over the world and it's all

tonight

[Music]

it's a beautiful night wherever you

are it's a beautiful night

no good things

[Music]

my face

[Music]

is [Music]

all right fellas no midges today i'm looking for at least

a two pounder yeah how about saving one for me huh buddy

hey first five of the season it's mine all mine

bill phil bill come on man bill come on man bill

oh no man don't do this to me come on

bill

[Music] what the [ __ ]

uh

[Music]

now luella i told you once before when ben and bill get together with homer lyman

and otto up at that lodge they're doing one of two things fishing or drinking

i don't suppose you're familiar with the term personal space sorry excuse me deputy do you think i

could make a g*dd*mn pie hole you're right it was terribly selfish of me to ask

well take the pills i don't care all right all right you take care okay

jimmy ray go get the van bring around back right to the door don't even leave this

much room you understand and for god's sake next time hold the mustard will you please

well gentlemen much as it pains me it looks like i'm gonna have to drag your asses over to jackson county

it's very disappointing very disappointing indeed because i was looking forward to having some shall we say quality time with you

gentlemen much like i had with your brother a singer correct me if i'm wrong

but doesn't your ex-wife live in jackson county god i miss her

you push me boy jimmy bob take these malcontents out of

here before i k*ll him you got it

i swear

i must state again that any attempt to avoid payment will be met with immediate leg

action righteously reverend eldon farnsworth praise the lord did you get all that sister amy yes i

did reverend um but now what do you mean by leg action

um that's a legal action amy where's your mind today i'm so sorry

it's all right just try to keep your mind on what you're doing

are you all right oh bless you ximena i'm just a little tired from all this

driving you shouldn't have dismissed your driver this weekend i wanted this time to enjoy our

fellowship there are so many things i want to be telling you today

tell me reverend my heart is always open

perhaps i phrased it poorly amy baby please

understand sister amy i i do love my wife but ever since the lord saw fit to

extend her from a size 6 to a size 12 i have had great difficulty expressing my physical love

but then god blessed me with you i i do not mean to dishonor you dear child

but ever since god brought us together i have been unable to rid my mind of your intense loveliness

my every waking moment is filled with impure thoughts of of you you see

a man must have a clear mind if he's uh to minister to the faithful he could not stand before his

congregation with a painful wicked throbbing please reverend stop

i've dreaded this day for so long

but i know now it is god's will he has set me here to relieve you of

your throbbing

hallelujah

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

candy what the hell you doing want to borrow your hoop earrings the

ones with the czs in them why are you so g*dd*mn grumpy

i don't know could it be cause you're going through my drawers

maybe it's because i'm the only one who's been in your doors lately

believe it or not sis not everyone judges their relationships on how many orgasms they have

so can i borrow him or what jewelry stand second draw all you had to do was ask

well now i didn't want to wake you i know you were lazy well that panned

out real well didn't it nearly got yourself k*lled over a pair of earrings a really cute pair of earrings

not that there would have been much use with your head blown off over corn's sake don't be so dramatic

come on long as you're up making some damn coffee [Music]

all right this looks like the river on the map stop hold everything my tootsies are k*lling

me i don't know why i agreed to break away from the group they're probably back at

the lodge with ice cold drinks by now stop worrying i can read a map better

than that yutz guide these pretty boys k*ll me they grow a beard

throw on a plaid shirt and suddenly their daniel friggin boone took one look at that idiot knew he

couldn't find his way to the bathroom kind of hoping he might find his way to my bedroom before the weekend was over

guys today have more between their legs than between their ears claudia why do you have such a problem

with men i don't have a problem with men i just hate him you know what

[Music] what uh what are you doing communing

with nature it's what we came up here for right

[Music]

come on in it's perfect

[Music]

ah

come on what are you waiting for i think it's better if i don't chicken

be a man okay so

[Music]

ow [Music]

[Music] late tonight

[Music]

hmm [Music]

[Music]

oh

so okay all right i'm in

grab that ladder i don't smoke it might come in handy okay

so where are we going leaving what it's ill*gal we're convicts besides

we're not gonna get anywhere in a flat tire spare they don't have one huh

yeah don't you read the papers watch the news budget cuts man a lot of the essentials were downsized

tires uniforms chewing tobacco but hey it was a good plan and i admire your driving

initiative that's rare in a douchebag [Music]

um those were the handcuff keys son of a [ __ ] get out

yeah you know i i hate when that happens

where'd they go over the river and through the woods

[Music]

[Music]

okay so the escape was a bust let's just turn ourselves in and when we get back to jail i'll recommend you first day of

execution what do you say oops oops what ups i have the lighter and the keys

you you tossed them

almost forgot

[Music]

so

[Music] ah amy you all right

don high heels oh here let me fix those

words those are my best shoes i'm sorry i just thought well now you

can walk at least oh yeah you're right i'm sorry

it's just that i'm tired i'm the one who should apologize i'm the one who brought us out what please be the lord doth indeed

provide little road well private road means a private residence

and a private residence means a private phone exactly oh thank god

i'm so hot and sweaty my clothes are sticking to me like a second skin

do you think they'd let me use their shower i won't rest until you realize that divine wish

[Music]

[Music]

well she knows the reception up there is hitting miss right bill and the guys do more drinking and fishing

yeah i'm sure she'll hear from them once they run out of beer but hell i suppose i could send up jimmy ray

no it's federal in my jurisdiction i'll be heading up to the station about an hour or so if i get a chance i'll run

over and check on them then bye bye

[Music]

so

well well what we're lost aren't we what's with the

attitude crap i knew it of course there's no reception out here

look i'm sorry all right you're sorry my phone bill is higher than whitney houston i can't even get a signal no

i mean about the other thing look i'm sorry that i uh touched you at the

stream oh terrific well that's what you're mad about isn't it you haven't spoken to me in over an hour

claudia forget about the stream i'm not worried about you i'm worried about bears they have much bigger hands

and they don't do their nails it's not my fault it's this [ __ ] map

i mean there's supposed to be a road around here somewhere let's move it then i want to beat rush hour traffic

[Music]

uh [Music]

[Music]

oh

dispatch this is jimmy ray i just found jimmy bob dead

[Music]

thank you

[Music] hello

[Music] [Applause] [Music]

so okay don't tell me

wait come on okay i'm coming

okay let the blood flow chafing

[Music]

now what

close that door

not bad for a starter guess we could always trade up later

hey what do you think that's all about

no power

let's go to the bedroom

[Music]

two four six sip seven baits [Music]

dwarves i hate them little [ __ ]

[Music]

so

[Music] ugh empty

what a surprise so tell me bob is this our new home now and where do you see yourself this time

next year inhale [ __ ] i was kind of hoping you'd

say hawaii

thank god maybe we can use their phone maybe paris hilton is camera shy you're

right it does look pretty deserted what about that dirt road we just crossed

what about it well maybe we should just go back it'll be dark in a half hour does that road have a roof well

no but then welcome to camp claudia [Music]

looks like a real fixer-upper yeah early american creepy i say we get the

hell out of here and i say you get comfortable and start looking at that map while we still have

some light

doesn't look like this place has electricity i'll fix this something new

food you know we don't even know who owns this place or anything

this could be where all the redneck hillbillies bring their sisters and farm animals for sex

it's a fishing lodge then why are all the windows boarded up

to keep the fish from getting away here have some freeze-dried snow peas and relax

oh my god oh my gosh shut up oh my god oh my god shut the [ __ ] up

give me your backpack [ __ ] you gomer

[ __ ] you say uh bob you remember what we used to say

back in high school whenever we found ourselves at one of those really dull parties where's all the girls remember

high school yeah or fifth grade whichever you made it to anyway i was thinking why not keep them around a bit you know

just just to liven things up i think how dull it's going to get with just the two of us not

that you're dull bob i mean what with these last few hours and all i'm going to be pissing pure adrenaline for weeks but hey

what's a party without girls you know let's have some fun with them you know tell us some off color jokes crack some

farts smack them around a bit then tomorrow morning you can wake up roll over kick one of them in the a*s

and say hey [ __ ] wake up and make me some freeze-dried snow peas

come on bob see look at that girls are fun they're great but if you

blow their brains out then they won't be around to clean up the mess afterwards

girls are whining annoying pains and a*s

not all girls bob though right i mean your mother was a girl i assume

i k*lled her sherbs are right the whiny cow uh let's see if they have any more food um

would you like to join us

[Music] i'm gonna take that thanks

so do you ladies have anything to declare alcohol tobacco mexicans

ixnay on the akbay octay this guy just ill caden

upk you say i said oh look at all the goodies we have we've got

freeze-dried snow peas and powdered soy milk bars and for dessert mmm trail mix with

organically grown pine nuts christ the shotgun would be more humane

it doesn't really have that lived in quality

faith amy we must have faith you must believe i believe if there's a phone in there

i'm madonna may i

what are you doing i am giving you back your bracelet i think we should start

seeing uh other felons

there you go thank you

somebody's coming into the bedroom

get into the bedroom

[Music]

hello is anyone home

be at ease sister and it was only the wind [Applause]

hands up who are you i'll ask the questions easy amy yeah either we walk through the

valley of death we shall fear no evil well you haven't met bob yet have you shut the [ __ ] up

now son let's just do what he says well now see here bob we're gonna get along with these people just fine now

who are you and what the hell are you doing here just a couple of stranded travelers lost

and tired him

sorry this isn't my regular job i'm just working for him until i get my degree

degree in what running and hiding clearly

okay bob they're unarmed that's not true brother we're wearing the armor of faith and carrying the sword of righteousness

well get back to me when you have a holy hand grenade okay what we have here is a

reverend eldon farnsworth and amy smoots

you a reverend that's correct brother but you're not mrs reverend eldon

farnsworth all right rev cast those filthy thoughts

out of the gutter of your mind i'll show you the back of my hand okay bob you can sh**t him now oh god no

please prison chaplain used to get me extra food he used to write letters from me

[Music] so slit by that time pal

so what are you gonna do with us they'll know we're in the middle of nowhere we won't

be able to reach the cops for days why not just let us go that would be the

christian thing you know actually we could go ahead and shut up all of you shut the [ __ ] up

i gotta well folks we might as well get comfortable this could

take some time

[Music]

[Music]

so [Music]

[Music]

[Music]

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uh

[Music] huh

oh [Applause]

oh

uh

ah [Music]

[Music]

uh

[Applause] [Music]

[Applause]

uh

oh

what's that guys who own the cabin maybe all their bags are sitting in the

bedroom still packed we haven't seen any of them since we got here maybe you and your partner m*rder*d

them before we arrived whatever

didn't i see you on tv last week that's right brother last week and every week two million

viewers and growing every day yeah i remember still can't believe it

took him so long to kick you off that friggin island [Laughter]

what what

[ __ ] what [ __ ] ranger girl ranger oh [ __ ]

first one that makes a sound is dead [Music]

nice secluded spot you picked here bob what are we on top of a subway station or something one more person shows up we

can just lose ourselves in the crowd no problem [Music]

we'll just wait till she gets closer then i'll blast her

uh sir you don't have to do that i i can get rid of her for you

she won't expect a date out of it sherry fight me claudia

[Music]

[Music] oh you startled me

i guess that makes us even mind telling me who you are and what you're doing here man oh i'm just visiting my uncle oh well

i'll be you're betty jo bill talks about you all the time i know it's it's

kind of embarrassing uh is he around no he's still up at renaissance creek

fishing with the guys yeah okay well time i said hi

i will oh uh one other thing what's that bill's niece's name is bobby

jones not betty joe don't you get away from the door do it now

[Applause]

oh i'll stay down

[Music] okay [ __ ]

[Music] [Applause] [Music]

[Music]

oops after i k*ll that ranger i'm gonna k*ll you

i don't know bob that might put you over your limit hey ranger you still alive out there

ranger huh you still alive cause i know that

had to hurt come on girl get out here and face me like a man

come on come on come on [ __ ] a*s out here and face me

like a man

[Music]

jesus christ what what the [ __ ] happened oh [ __ ] she's dead

oh [ __ ] she's dead say me to buff shot

yeah well still out there [Applause]

got it it's probably a bear and you just pissed it off oh you've seen a lot of

bear attacks have you cause i'm no expert but i'm willing to bet that wasn't a [ __ ] bear well whatever it was

it's dead now

[Music]

thank you

you k*lled it you k*lled that woman you foul filthy m*rder please

this is not a cultured person what are you gonna do with us it'll be

dark soon i demand that you release us this instant hey

the only thing my man bob is gonna release is announce a buckshot in the general direction of your a*s

now my cheap advice to you is to sit down and shut up this is absolutely the last

time i save your [ __ ] life food snow peas

wasn't that gonna k*ll you uh yeah but you you changed your mind

[Music] [Applause]

there's a half a can of peaches left if you want them

thanks yeah thanks is there anything else from our backpacks you'd like to offer us

give me a break it's all i could get away from him the guy's at human garbage disposal

why don't you do something come on claudia be real he's just a man no he's not

he's a pit bull minus a sweet temperament that needs a g*n the size of a ride at disneyland

men can't live with them can't castrate them do you kiss your mother with that mouth

do you kiss anybody's mother with that mouth suck my d*ck

what are you doing with her sorority sisters

what are you doing with him oh we're pen pals funny i mean why were you in jail in the

first place i rear-ended a truck at an intersection they arrested you for a traffic accident

no it was for dna my brother's doing a stretch for grand

theft auto and local sheriff figures it's in the blood so he pretty much likes to ride me every

chance he gets did i mention it was his truck i hit you

hit the sheriff's truck yeah brand new fresh off the lot truck yeah

and i'm not ashamed to admit i actually popped a little wood at the moment of impact

oh my god

so do you have a name or just a bunch of aliases

clarence sherry i know i searched you remember you're lucky i

usually don't let a man search me on the first date well yeah but i bought your dinner and i

paid for this room okay but since i don't know you my mom

says i'm supposed to pretend not to like it that's cool cause my dad says i'm not supposed to care whether you like it or

not oh christ please stop before you make me throw up i see nothing humorous about want and

lust and adultery no i can see you take that very seriously farnsworth

watch your fork tongue we are not all animals in this room do i really have a fork it could be

interesting cast not that pearl before swine

this is no accident no sir there is every type of human depravity

and degradation in this room tonight atheists fornicators murderers

lesbians huh i realize now you were all sent here to

test me but i am strong in the lord and the lord's spirit

is strong in me amen why can't you just sit there be miserable like everyone else

nobody has been sent here to test you you've just got a bad travel agent

like me i'm supposed to be booked with the same group

i believe in god really since when since my execution

excuse me i was sitting in a chair all strapped in

and ready to fly and it was just blind and flash and all i could see was this big beautiful light

and i just knew it was god he wanted to be my pal

how did you just don't strap me when i got up and everyone was looking

at me all funny and making the signs of the cross and whispering about

miracles well i guess god won't despair me

because they created my sentence to triple life

do you feel any different i never felt better

my hair won't last flat no more

lord truly does work in mysterious ways do me a favor and shut the [ __ ]

up you're worse than him you little hypocrite that's all right sister i don't blame

you for your anger it's not your fault you grew up in a twisted world that encourages your

perversion you're the pervert you in that backwood

country [ __ ] now you listen here you l*sbian [ __ ] that is a man of god he's dedicated his

whole life to bringing lost sheep to salvation is that what you're doing up here farnsworth looking

for lost sheep he was looking for something soft and woolly all right but i doubt it machine why you little

[Music] kids

[Applause] [Music]

yes god says knock it the [ __ ] off

that's it [Music]

i'll just stand there re-cuff him while i call for help it's a pleasure

it's not my phone yeah but i can't get a freaking signal it's because of the friends and family you never want to

speak to plan um

come on going somewhere away from this place of evil oh don't be stupid

farnsworth there's some kind of animal out there and it is already k*lled once out there in the dark you don't have a prayer

there's an animal right here he k*lled that woman out there and make no mistake i've always got a prayer

all right get something to tie his legs with two oh oh there should be some some fishing line in one of the tackle boxes

okay he is cuffed

[Music] what [Music]

[Music]

is just up ahead there now as long as we have faith we will be delivered all right now you

just lean on eldon and soon we'll be away from this place of wickedness

[Music]

oh

[Applause] [Music]

yes

yeah that's what i get for being too nice yeah you and mother teresa

barely tell you two apart hey you should go see if you can get farnsworth and his bimbo back here

why they're both adults well over the age of consent she's right you really should

fine please hurry they're in danger every minute

they're out there don't rush me okay i only get to die once so please

let me do it my way will you but what happened where's amy

calm down reverend calm down okay take a breath relax when you're ready just tell us

exactly what happened oh [ __ ] what is it yes

bub his eyes are as dark as the pits of hell he struck my amy down we gotta get this

window covered like the rest why what's going on there's something out there

i didn't see anything

sh**t that g*dd*mn thing

christ what the [ __ ] was that was that even human it was big and ugly that's what it was

listen

the chimney oh not with that fire going i don't know what the [ __ ] that thing was but it definitely ain't santa claus

it's satan they come to punish me for my wickedness shut up well then why don't you go out

there bend over and take it like a man farnsworth that way the rest of us can get out of here alive we've got to get this window boarded up

[Applause]

nobody move this is why the cops always cuff a suspect's hands behind him

well excuse me for not sharing your jailbird expertise it's coming back down now [ __ ] this

whatever that thing is i'm gonna go k*ll it and then i'm gonna come back and i'm gonna k*ll you

[Music]

um

[Music] so

so

[Music] what the [ __ ] are you

[Music]

i don't know what uh [ __ ] you are whatever you are

you're one tough [ __ ] i'll i hear that

[Music]

where you going

you see is he dead looks like it's bob too

bob [Music] bob what are you doing you just want to

make sure

bob sherry

bob [Music]

[Music]

[Music]

please

the buffet is closed you slimy little [ __ ]

so it used to be a liquid yeah but real thick and gooey like like oil

most of it latched onto bob's face and turned him into some sort of zombie or something

and it was alive we think it's some sort of parasite since it seems to need a

host or else it ends up like this huh yeah is it dead no most likely in a state of

suspended animation until it comes in contact with another host it could probably survive years like

this molecular biology we're med students

over at mercy really i would have thought you were a phys ed major

nice bedside manner doc so i mean have you guys ever heard of a parasite controlling its host the way

these things seem to affecting yes controlling

no so how do we k*ll it good question since the shotgun's empty

well there's got to be something around here we can use for weapons yeah right i mean bob couldn't k*ll it

and that was his major we're still human claudia we have minds we can think and reason

which is more than that thing out there can do how do you know we don't even know what

that is it's satan come to claim our forsaken

souls nothing's snacking on sweet breads reverend not souls

the point is it's just an animal it's running on pure instinct we can out think it we just we can't

give in to panic now let's find some weapons i'll check

the bedroom i'll check the kitchen

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

so

[Music] [Applause]

both any look at all that thing will starve to death once it realizes bob has no brains

you can't vanquish lucifer only god can do that

i guess it comes down to helping them or listening to you you lose padre

we leave

i thought there might be a scaly knife or two in one of the tackle boxes a good idea yeah

hey reverend how you doing

barnsworth are you okay

hmm perfect

[Music] foreign

oh my god siri terry calm down just tell me exactly

what you do

oh [ __ ] me ah oh you really need to change your

diet [ __ ] you oh where the hell did that come from

most likely there

jesus these are the guys from the photo on the mantle

ask and ye shall receive what's that the answer to our prayers

you got a helicopter waiting outside i do not company marines i'll settle for petri dishes big all we

have to do is leave just like that pay the bills steal the towels check out before noon

why don't you head on back to the rec room farnsworth you got enough time for one more basket before the nurse comes

to get you for your shock don't you understand all we have to do is leave this place and that demon

will let us be like i let the ranger be are you and your lady friend [Music]

there's the front door be my guest but make sure you leave the address to heaven so i can be sure to forward your

mail it's no use unless we all leave together

this cabin is that creatures dwelling we are he's merely fighting to protect

what is his these are our proof we are trespassers in this creature's home

get your head out of your a*s thornsworth that creature has us right where it wants us these

heads they're empty the brains have been sucked out we're not trespassers with a [ __ ]

menu

how's she doing we're fine thanks for asking yeah well we've all had a pretty rough

night tonight look i think we need to put our heads together and come up with a plan to get

out of here before that thing comes back [Music]

that sounds like amy amy no no no no no

[Music] wait

thank you god for delivering my amy back to me oh thank you thank you

thank you thank you lord for delivering my amy to me how is she

probably just in shock a lot of that going around today

christ claudia can you not be a [ __ ] for like two seconds [Music]

you left me you left me out there with that thing

i almost died oh please forgive me amy my love please forgive me

forgive yourself [ __ ] face

you d*ck

so what's the plan he-man [Music] are we on a regular bus route here

maybe we should just pack all of our stuff and get the hell out of here before that thing comes back

do you remember bob because he's still out there and he was no picnic when he was a human

and i doubt being a mutant parasite zombie puppets improved his mood any listen claudia was right about this

thing being a parasite but it's also acting like a single-celled organism

you mean like an amoeba oh yeah believe it or not i was a b-plus student

i only dropped out to help my mom at the farm after my brother got arrested okay

anyway i think this parasite enters the skull of its host

and feeds on its brain matter somehow enabling it to control the

host's basic motor functions then it kills others in order to feed on

their brain matter until it's gorged itself enough to divide

divide you mean like reproduce [Music]

they telling me there could be more than one bob running around out there and the longer we wait the more of them

we'll have to face

what about amy could she be one of them she's alert and

verbal no signs of brain damage yeah that and she's not all gross and

zombie-like yeah there's that that ranger had a g*n

yeah so well if you made it to her body then you could get the g*n wait if i

could get her g*n why me brother that weapon could be our

deliverance well then you go out there and get it you're the one who believes in all this afterlife crap me i'm an atheist if that

thing gets my a*s it's forever

oh what are you nuts here reverend at least take this

all right god damn it wait a minute

we head straight for the body you get the g*n and i'll keep an eye out for bob and any

other amoeba mutant [ __ ] that might be out there lock the door behind us and don't open

until we come back [Music]

[Music] so

hang on a [Music]

it's second so long well i guess only the rightful king of england can pull it out

i think i blew out my o-ring on guys move it move it

okay let's go

bars were you okay oh tripped on what have mercy let's not stand on ceremony

reverend just get the g*n and let's get out of here

it's not here what's going on i can't see anything what's going on

no it's shaking my arm

uh [Music]

[Music]

[Music]

adios you [ __ ] me puppet

i can't see anything i uh i think bob just lost his head that's not really much of a loss is it

[Applause] [Music] if they're not back in five minutes i'm

going after him what's going on oh barnsworth and

clarence went outside to get the what's wrong oh oh my god

[Applause]

girls

all right

payback baby

[Music]

[Music] [Applause]

[Music] um [Music]

we're trapped how the hell did that thing get in here you're hitting amy it hid in her uterus

what the hell kind of an amoeba does that i don't know a trojan amoeba what the hell difference does it make

this door's not gonna hold much longer [Applause] [Music]

get in the closet [Music] it's jam of course it is

bring me the chairs

[Music] there's a trapdoor [Music] [Applause] [Music]

looks like there's a basement underneath this it's pretty dark so be careful when you go down first you go first

[Music]

what are you waiting for is this a bad time to mention i'm really really claustrophobic well

i'm a death phobic get in the [ __ ]

[Music] basement

oh

[Music] oh [ __ ] the zombie's packing

[Music] [ __ ] i've been shot oh [ __ ]

is it bad you ever been shot when it was good [ __ ] this

free [Applause]

[ __ ] bob was right this did come in handy

what now we find another door and we get the [ __ ] out of dodge

it's a generator here stand back

what is that [Music]

i don't know it looks like some kind of homemade space station or space ship i mean

that alien amoeba thing he's a computer programmer from outer space or something

so much for outsmarting the dumb animal this is made out of hubcaps those aren't

just hubcaps it's a 68th thunderbird

all right [ __ ] you want us come and get us the joke's on you cause i already lost most of my brain cells to heavy

drinking i think it's trying to tell us something yeah like what give me some head cheese no if it wanted to k*ll us it would have

attacked by now it's it's obviously here by accident

maybe it just wants to go home

[Music]

hey [Music]

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[Music]

[Applause]

oh oh that's just wrong

[Music] oh my god we should have taken pictures

how often do you get to see the inside of an alien workstation would your brain like to see the inside

of an alien's colon let's just get out of here before more of those things show up but now nobody's gonna believe us as

soon as we get out of here i'll call 60 minutes and we'll get ed bradley up here with a

camera the size of a volkswagen i promise preferably safer myself

so did you ever go back only to show the police where the place was

clarence was right there were more of them place was stripped clean by the time we

got there except for the bodies yeah except for the bodies some reason

those creatures are just in the head so how have these extraordinary events

affected your life well we were celebrities for a few days

i sold my story to the inquirer they put me on the front cover of course all that money went to

clarence's lawyer not that it did much good it took the

jury all of 20 minutes to come back with that verdict oh yeah and i got kicked out of med

school you know if stupid was a sport well that boy he'd have a room full of trophies

he came in here with a crock of [ __ ] about the dead rising from the earth eating people's brains but the people in

that courtroom well they knew that the only brain that got at was his from the inside if you know what i mean

and i think you do personally i thought they should have fried his a*s but he only got life

something about ret*rds like him make those jury folks go all soft and fuzzy inside

it's a pity a real pity he's a psycho

everybody in that court could tell just by looking at him he he blew a hole straight through my

baby sister's face and that ain't right

even if she wasn't the pretty one

of course they didn't believe me would you i mean the only reason it took those freaking hicks 20 minutes is cause none

of them could even spell guilty but didn't sherry testify for you yeah and they thought she was lying to

protect me of course when they found us we were

holed up at sparky's motel off route nine

banging our amoeba-free brains against the headboards so it's as if the alien amoeba never

existed at all oh it existed all right you tell all your viewers you tell everyone you know if they see anything

that even looks like a slug to [ __ ] their pants and run like hell yo [ __ ] what you doing get your a*s

over here boy

excuse me that's my husband i better go

[Music]

[Music]

[Music] is [Music]

[Applause] [Music]

just

[Music]

of [Music] you disbelief me go and this is how the

story goes

[Music]

[Music]

come to me now my sweetness

[Music]

hello [Music]

[Applause] [Music]

[Applause] [Music]