03x05 - Never Forget

[bunniefuu]

We are now ready
for the ritual to begin.

ALARM BEEPS

Oh, sorry, that's me.

I've just done my 10,000 steps.

SHE SNIGGERS

Yeah, sounds like a normal thing
for a Shaman to say.

I'm sensing defensiveness from you.

Can I ask, have you ever had
a psychedelic experience before?

My young life had recently taken
a great turn for the better,

when I'd been offered a place at

the University of Cambridge,

on the condition that I got three
As in my A-levels.

It was the best thing
that had ever happened to me.

I want to bloody die.

Well, I'm sure I was
pleased on some level.

The thing is -

I was staring down
the barrel of my final exam,

English literature.

Having messed up my coursework
earlier in the year,

I had a mammoth task
ahead of me to get an A.

Come on.

OK, Paul Ince. For the exam,

we will be covering
poetry of the First World w*r.

Dr Faustus, the Renaissance tragedy
by Christopher Marlowe,

a story about an ambitious man who
makes a deal with

the devil. And finally,
the Handmaid's Tale,

a feminist dystopia by
Margaret Atwood.

So at this point I appear

to be just reciting extremely basic
facts about my set texts to

a decade-old poster of Paul Ince.

Are you taking this all in, Paul?

Because if not, you won't be
allowed to sit next

to Sophie Howard any more, right?

OK, so the workload had perhaps
taken something of

a toll on my sanity.

But I still had three days
to go until the exam,

so if I could just hang in there

and not get distracted,
then I'd be absolutely...

CAR HORN BEEPS

Oh.

You'll be taking psilo... uh,
psilob...

I always struggle with that
word. Basically,

it's magic mushrooms. Now,

Ross has already told me that

tonight is all about you guys
reconnecting as a group,

as the ties of friendship have been
tested recently.

And I'm sure you all have a part
to play in that.

What are you all looking at me for?

Oh, come on, man.
You never said sorry

for what you did
at the wedding, for one.

What do you mean
what I did at the wedding?

I was fine. I was a good guest.

I didn't smash the...
I didn't smash anything or...

So what if you didn't
smash anything?

You spent half the night crying
and you puked on the dance floor.

It was an emotional day for me.

It was an emotional day for...!

Guys, let's stayed focused.

So, before I apportion
the doses, I'd like

to hear about what sort

of wisdom or insight each

of you hopes to gain
from this experience.

For me, it's about whether I want to
bring children into this world.

I'm hoping to understand how
to make peace with my father.

Was he hostile?

Not physically...

..or emotionally. He's just...

..really annoying.

I... I heard a podcast about

a businessman in Stevenage
who gave mushrooms

to his entire staff

and their productivity went up 7%.

I'm hoping something
similar can happen for me.

Would you like to share
what issues you're seeking

to confront through this experience?

Not really.

What about the fact
you now don't have a job

and you still haven't
told your parents?

I'm not bothered about that.

It must be stressful having
no clear direction or purpose.

Nowhere to live long-term.

No fulfilling passions or hobbies.

That's true. How would she know?

You just give off that vibe.

So the important thing is to have

a positive mindset
heading into this.

Here he is.

What do you want? Get in.

I haven't had me tea yet.
I can't come.

We've actually got something
in the oven for you. Really?

Can I ask, has anybody had

a bad trip before?

There's no shame if so.

No. No.

Nope.

No.

Well, if you have,

the thing I'd recommend
is not to dwell on it.

The past is a different place.

Ta-dah. What do you
reckon to that, then?

Cakes? These aren't just normal
cakes, mate. They're space cakes.

What? Yeah, help you relax after
all your studying and that.

Me grandma's recipe.
Your grandma makes space cakes?

No, she makes buns. But I sprinkled
a quarter of resin in t'mixture.

Smoking a quarter ounce

of cannabis resin between four
people in one sitting would be

a lot. Ingesting it? Boy.

Also left out about half

of t'other ingredients
cos he didn't have 'em...

Yeah, they'll still be nice, though.
Come on, boys. Tuck in.

I'm actually not going to have one.
Since everything that happened

with gambling I've decided
to give up weed.

Hm, fair enough, lad.

Yeah, no worries, mate.

Excited to see you lot do
'em, though.

There's nowt I like more than
seeing my friends get relaxed.

Thank you, mate. Are you going
to have one, then, or what? No way!

I've got my last exam
in three days.

You need to chill out
a bit, mate. Have some fun.

f*ck.

Did I do grams or ounces?

What?

I just always get mixed up
with the metric system.

You know,
I'm there thinking kgs, kgs,

kgs and then suddenly
I'm weighing out lbs.

I think it's like a latent
colonial deference thing.

So what are you saying?

Well, after the Act of Union
of 1800...

No, I mean about the teas.

Oh, right. Uh, uh, no,

it's... it's just that one

of them might have, like,
twice as much as the others.

Probably not. You'll be grand.

The '90s wasn't the '90s without
visionary home renovators.

GIGGLING

The '90s were f*cking weird,
weren't they?

Yeah, it's like it were
a proper long time ago,

but also not that long ago at all.

Still to come - a look back
at Take That's greatest hits.

f*ck's sake.
Can we watch summat else?

These kind of shows
are just absolute shite.

Just an orgy of facile nostalgia.

I thought you were
worried about your exam.

I'm having one.

You haven't even had a cake, Addy.

I know.

I just find the '90s
a very funny decade.

Whoa, go easy.

Well, they're clearly not
that strong if Addy's having

the most fun of everyone.

He can't see!

I think you're uncovering
some early trauma, Ross.

Tell me what you see.

I see myself playing football.

Schools County Cup final.

I'm in goal.

Opposition striker
running towards me.

And what would you like to say
to that young boy in goal?

I'd like to tell him

it's not his fault.

Then you should.

It's not your fault.

The centre backs weren't
tight on their runners.

LAUGHTER

Mr Blobby, famed for wrecking...

Can't we watch something else?

You'll enter the exam hall
when your name's called.

Please file along to
the first empty desk.

What?

I said no way, mate.
'90s were f*cking hilarious.

You could at least crack a smile.

You've got two degrees
and your own office.

So what if you let the ball
go through your legs

and one of the dads
called you a clown?

No, Dad!

I told you I wanted blackcurrant
squash, not apple and blackcurrant!

Boss, I've had an idea! From now on,
I'll only use one monitor during

the afternoons to aid concentration.

Yes, good!

Excuse me.

I don't think
it's doing anything for me.

Look, I'll come

to you as soon as
I've finished with Craggy.

Liam, you may enter the exam.

Did you lot hear that?

Hear what?

Are you all right?

You're sweating a bit, mate.
Discuss.

To what extent are you
on a whitey?

What?

May I go to the toilet, please?

You don't need to ask.

So, it's one hour on
World w*r I poets.

And then 45 on Dr Faustus.

And then 45 on Handmaid's Tale.

What's going on?

We're about to go over.

WHISTLE

What's that?

Gas, gas! Quick, boys!

I don't have one.

Were you not prepared?

WHISTLE SHOTS FIRE

I want you to stay in the moment,
stay with the experience.

Oh, f...

What's wrong?

I can see two devils.

Hello?

Hello?

Now, then, word maggot.

Rupert? What did you just call me?

Rupert. You are Rupert.

Who the f*ck's Rupert?

I'm f*cking Lucifer,
you daft b*stard.

And this is Meph...

Meph... Meph...

Mephistopheles.

Whatever the f*ck he said.

What are you doing here?

We've come to make you a deal.

See, we know what you want,
word maggot.

What do I want?

The stuff to swell the mind
and brim full wise.

Riches that run
and will not be worn out.

Pleasures deep and
bodies new each night.

What?

Knowledge, wealth...

..and shagging about.

I mean, yeah.

But, wait, you're going to say
I can only have all this

if I sell you my soul, aren't you?

We don't want your maggoty soul,
word maggot.

It will all come at a price, though.

I think you know what that is.

What? I'll tell you what,
word maggot,

we'll come back a bit later, yeah?

Give you a bit more time to think.

Wait!

Can you still see the devils?

No.

OK.

What can you see now?

Ah...

I can sense red...

..and white.

What's t'matter?
Women scare you, do they?

What? No.

Why haven't you got one female
friend, then?

Well, I've got you.

I'm not your friend.
I'm your mate's girlfriend.

I haven't even seen you in months.

Lucy, then.

I'm your mate's sister.

Your ex-boss who you
literally ran away from.

Well, Katy. Your ex.
Who you cheated on.

What are you here to tell me?

Why should we be here
to tell you anything? But...

BOTH: When we think of the past,

it's the beautiful things
we pick out.

We want to believe it was all
like that.

How is that meant to help me
with my exam?

But, wait, you've got to help me!

I want it to stop.

The more you resist,
the worse it will be.

What do you see now?

Ah...

A dark corridor...

..and at the end, there's,
like, a shadowy doorway.

Through that,
just a big, dark space.

I don't want to go through
the doorway.

Go through the doorway.

Are you...?

Are you...?

You're me.

You're me.

Wait, so I'm hallucinating
myself when I'm older?

No, I'm hallucinating
myself when I'm younger.

But you're my hallucination.
No, you're MY hallucination.

Wait, so you're on a trip, too?

Are you taking
space cakes, too, or...?

No, I've taken psycosol...

Psybils... Psylivs...

I can't say it, it's, erm,
magic mushrooms.

DISTANT: ♪ Got a fist
of pure emotion

♪ Got a head of shattered
dreams... ♪ Wait, what's that?

Some stupid '90s compilation.

Take That.

Oh, yeah, I remember
that day, I think.

What, so you remember
this happening?

Kind of.

But is that just cos it's
happening sort of... now?

Kind of like deja vu.

Well, as you're here,
you can make yourself useful.

Help me out with this question.

"What are you..." - I, we -
"most afraid of?"

Well, I can't answer that,
can I? Cos I'm not you.

But you are.

No, but, I mean, only you
can answer that, really.

Like, it's important for you to be
able to identify your own feelings.

Don't be scared to be scared
is what I'm saying,

if that makes sense.

I mean... All right, I get it.

I guess...

YOUNG LIAM SIGHS

Well, I suppose I'm...
I'm most afraid of failing my exams.

My exam, my last exam. English lit.

Why are you afraid of that?

Haven't you spent every day
revising for the last two weeks?

Well, yeah, but...

There you go. What more could I...
you have done?

I messed up my coursework
a few month back.

You can't dwell on the past.

Look, what if what you're most
afraid of is not failure

but success?

What if it's not about
losing an opportunity

but about losing what
the opportunity replaces?

You've got to stop speaking
like Mystic Meg cos...

Losing your mates.

You're most afraid of
losing your mates.

Losing your friends,
losing your identity,

losing everything that
you know in pursuit

of something completely unknown.

And that is a scary prospect,

but it'll all be worth it

for the good, new things

that come along.

Like what?

Well, I-I don't want to get into
specifics cos you need context to...

Come on.

Do you have, like,
good news from the future?

Like, you know, do...
Do you have a good life?

A good job, a nice house,
wife, kids?

No spoilers. Well, at least
tell me, you know, is it...

Is it an exciting place,
the future?

Like, is there hope and... and...
and new possibilities for humanity?

You know, an end to poverty and
disease and w*r and all that?

Just wait and see, I think.

So what is the f*cking point
of you, then?

Just turn up and spout some...
some hippie bullshit?

You can't even promise me
owt good's going to happen.

Well, I'm just
the living consequence

of your actions, aren't I?

I'm just the embodiment of
the choices that you make.

Just take some f*cking
responsibility for yourself!

Just calm down, Liam.
Don't tell me what to do!

Can I give you a hug?

What? I heard about the importance
of hugging your inner child

on this self-help podcast.

Self-help... what?

Self-help pod... Doesn't matter.

I just think it'll be good to hug.

Right.

Wait, where are you?

I think it's time for me to go.

Wait, but I was going to ask,
who's going to...

..win the FA Cup?

f*ck!

I could have made
a fortune on that.

I just met my younger
self and, like...

♪ We've come so far
and we've reached so high

♪ And we've looked each day
and night in the eye

♪ And we're still so young
and we hope for more

♪ We've come a long way

♪ But we're not too sure
where we've been

♪ We've had success

♪ We've had good times

♪ But remember this

♪ Been on this path
of life for so long

♪ Feel I've walked a thousand miles

♪ Sometimes strolled
hand in hand with love

♪ Everybody's been there

♪ With danger on my mind
I would stand on the line of hope

♪ And I knew I could make it

♪ Once I knew the boundaries,
I looked into the clouds and saw

♪ My face in the moonlight

♪ Just then, I realised
what a fool I could be

♪ Just cos I looked so high
I don't have to see me

♪ Finding the paradise
wasn't easy but still

♪ There's a road going down
the other side of this hill

♪ Never forget
where you've come here from

♪ Never pretend that it's all real

♪ Someday soon, this will
all be someone else's dream

♪ This will be someone else's dream

♪ Never forget where
you've come here from

♪ Never pretend that it's all real

♪ Someday soon, this will
all be someone else's dream

♪ This will be someone else's dream

♪ We've come so far
and we've reached so high

♪ And we've looked each day
and night in the eye

♪ And we're still so young
and we hope for more. ♪

Have I, erm...

Have I been gone ages?

No, mate.

Here, help us wake Addy up.

Why, what's up?
Has he done space cakes?

Nah, nah, he just kept on getting
more and more nostalgic from that

show about the '90s and then Take
That came on and he just passed out.

Whoa, f*ck! Where am I?

What year is it? 2006, mate.

Oh, thank f*ck.

I just had a dream it were 1998,

I were wearing Kickers

and Bill Clinton wanted me
to give him a blow job.

It made me realise that
is not where I belong.

I belong here in 2006.

Of course, mate,
that's where we all belong.

Aye, just go easy on
t'nostalgia next time, eh, mate?

Aye, I will.

Here, bring it in, lads.

Come on.

Ahh.

LAUGHTER

f*ck me.

Where's the shaman?

She had to go and do
an ayahuasca cleanse

with some hedge fund
managers in Chelsea.

She said you can WhatsApp her
if you have any questions.

She'll only charge you
£100 per answer.

No... No, I know what I need to do.

Oh, that's cool, man.

I've decided I'm going to stop
eating lunch at my desk.

What's your thing?

I think it's time for me to go.

MUSIC: Sun Drums and Soil
by Four Tet