A Serbian Film (2010)

[bunniefuu]

A SERBIAN FILM

Baby, I'm gonna f*ck you up!

Are you insane?

Haven't we agreed about
putting away your flicks?

What's that?
Give it to mommy.

Sorry, but it's not a big deal.

I saw my first porn
when I was his age.

How are you, kiddo?

But your dad wasn't
starring in it!

Marija, I'm sorry
I didn't mean it.

I dug up that DVD because...

Lejla called and
wanted to see me today.

Baby, you want mommy
to make you a toast?

The jumping bread!

Mom, what was dad doing there?

Nothing, hon.
Just playing with a girl friend.

It's like a cartoon
for the grownups.

Honey, I have to pay
for Petar's singing lessons.

- Bye, dad.
- Bye, dad.

Easy on that whiskey.
Rye kills sexual appetite.

That's why I drink it.

- So, how's family life?
- Nice.

How are Petar and... Marija?

Yes, Marija.
They're fine.

Petar's starting school next year.

It'll be interesting
when they ask about

his father's occupation.

His father is a fine gentleman
in a premature retirement.

The problem with that pension
is that it's not lifelong.

How much money do you
have stashed away?



Miloš, you were more
than just a porn star.

You were an artist.

All actresses you worked with
wanted to marry you.

You're still an artist,
but with a temporary block.

And...

I'm your guardian angel.

Listen. Something big is about to happen.

Artistic p*rn*graphy of the highest level.
Here, in Serbia.

In Serbia?

Only filmed here,
but for the foreign market.

Terribly professional.
Phenomenally paid.

If you accept, your family will be
settled till the end of Petar's life.

The man's name is Vukmir.
He'll call you in a few days.

Be nice to him.

Here's something for the junior.

Wow, where's his p*ssy?

You didn't tell me you brought
your policeman brother here.

I came on my own.

I knew you'd be here and couldn't
miss a chance to see you.

I'm your great admirer.

You're well preserved.

Who's the plastic surgeon
we have to thank to?

You know I started early.
I don't need plastic yet.

Everybody needs it.

These don't.

So long, f*gs.
Miloš, you heard my advice.

- A hooker!
- A porn star.

Has-been.

You know the kind of work
she did after you married?

I know.

No one could handle
a d*ck like she could.

A natural talent.

Funny she hasn't contacted her
dealer in the past few years.

Is she off drugs?

Doubtful.

A new, rich provider, more likely.

You'll alienate me from my friends
if you keep checking on them.

Friends, in Serbia?

You can't check them enough.

I gotta go.

Say hello to your kid
and his beautiful mom.

I'm paying for the bite.

- So long.
- Bye.

Sleeping time, hands up.

- Dad?
- Yes?

Know that friend of yours

that you were
beating in the video?

It's only a movie. Make believe.
When dad was young.

I know, but while
I was watching it

- I felt something strange.
- What?

Like some kind
of a wheel, spinning.

- A wheel? Where?
- Down there, near my willie.

Several of them,
like a family, traveling.

Do they live in me?

They do, hon, in all of us.
We all have them.

- Everyone in the world?
- Yes, everyone.

They're gone now,
so close your eyes

think of them and
you'll fall asleep faster.

What language is that?

I'm translating for some Swedes.

Swedish? I'm great in it.

That's right.

Wait, I know more.
Listen to this.

You would be a mega star.

So, you say Lejla is
offering you a serious job?

So she said.
It's strange.

Why would anyone
offer me big money

after such a long pause?
In Serbia?

And after all the crap
I shot, look at this.

Maybe they need the only porn
star with a university diploma.

Do you miss it?

- What?
- The job.

I don't know. No.

I miss the money, so we could
escape away from here.

All those poor girls
you threw away like condoms...

How come you've never
done me like them?

Well, I love you.
I've just f*cked them.

Does it mean that you
never wanted to f*ck me?

Am I talking to the
Balkan sex god.

The Nikola Tesla
of the p*rn*graphy world ?

You must be Vukmir?

Of course. Miloš, if you're
ready to change your life

right now and provide
for your family for good

a car will be waiting
at your door in 30 minutes.

You just hop in, and take
a ride towards fulfillment

of your personal and
my professional fantasies.

Can't wait to meet you!

I'm honored to shake the hands
of such a great artist, I'm Vukmir.

I'm Miloš, nice to meet you.

The right hand...

is the sex center of any man.

It's direct line between
your brain and c*ck.

Ever since your childhood.

Your hand is special

for it has jerked
such a special c*ck.

Miloš.

It's an honor to shake the hand

of such an artist of f*ck.

p*rn*graphy is art,
but people can't see that!

Why not?

Bebecause they just want
to jizz into a napkin

what they can't into a woman.

These movies are
mostly made so that

those who can't
get laid can c*m.

They're made by butchers

who can't tell a camera
from a broom.

Their 'actors' would be
f*cking a hole

in the wall if there
were no p*ssy.

Do you know what proves that
there is art in p*rn*graphy?

What?

You.

You, Miloš.

You are the proof!

Your sense of handling
a woman, your rhythm

of exhausting her,
your talent to humiliate her,

and then, when she is reduced
to a dog-sh*t, to win her back.

And your love for it,
that's art.

Sadly, this is no country

for real art.

Where there is no life,
there can't be real art.

A real talent will rot here,
while maggots

are giving press conferences.

Have you done anything
I could've seen?

I'm doing stuff
that no one else is.

Just for the selected clients.

All right, but what is it?

Art, naked art!

Truth.

Real people, real situations,
real sex...

minimal editing.

There's a serious script.

We know it, you don't!

And what am I supposed to do?

The same as always, Miloš.
Just stand before the cameras,

whip out your c*ck,
and f*ck until it's raw.

I dunno, I'm a little tired
of cameras and f*cking.

You're also tired of
humping scum

any time your family
needs money.

Kissing some wretched c**ts

with the same lips
you'd kiss your kid.

Thanks, doctor.

- What's that?
- The contract.

No need to read all,
just the numbers.

Something wrong?

I don't know what I'm
signing, what I'm sh**ting.

You're not supposed to know.

If you knew,
you wouldn't be so good.

In a winter night
way up the hill.

A creek was frozen
and covered by the snow.

A bunny's weeping
for that frozen creek

young bunny's crying
with all his heart.

But poor li'l bunny
there upon the hill

perhaps hes after the swallows
heading for a warmer South.

Vukmir.

Sounds like a name of one of those
guys at the Hague tribunal.

Are you sure he's not
an arms dealer?

No, he's some kind of an artist
philosopher with a grand plan.

Is it?

I don't know.

But it seems like he desperately needs me
since he's willing to offer so much money.

How much?

I won't tell you.

Yes you will,
or I'm not giving it back.

Ok, I'll tell you, just let go.

Don't tell me you refused?

Of course I did.

I wanted to see if you're
with me for the money.

If I were, I'd have dumped you
for your brother long ago.

So, you prefer poor
porn stars to bad cops.

Does it means that I should
rent my d*ck to Vukmir?

Remember what you told me when
I asked if you missed your job?

Miloš, I want both of your
heads to be clear and hard.

If it's true...

If what is true?

That you were always
able to have it erected

without touching or looking.

Like a c*ck at dawn,
rising to its own song.

I also know that you filmed
all your scenes in the first take.

Don't be so modest.

you're the best,
that's why you're here.

How long do you
think it would take?

A few days.

I haven't translated
from Russian since 1994.

What is it exactly?
Some take-over contract?

We're sending some goods
to Moscow for redistribution.

- Want one?
- Yes.

No thanks.

You said you would.

Oh, sorry.
I'm a bit...

I miss female company.

A least you can always
arrest a fine looking lady.

Yes, but I doubt I'll
ever have the real thing.

A relationship, marriage.
Like two of you.

You stopped hoping too soon.

Women here like men in uniform.

Especially if they're not wearing it.

Sorry, gotta go to the bathroom.

You know what
they say about rye.

It's high time you started
taking care of yourself.

With great talent comes a great
desire for self-f*ck.

- When exactly, do we start?
- In three days.

I'm not comfortable with
not knowing a thing.

Miloš, get a grip.
You're a porn actor

who wants to know
what a porno film is about?

It's a bit absurd.

You're not supposed
to know, but only to relax.

That's too much money
to leave anything to accident.

Nothing is left to accident.

Miloš.

This is a serious organization.

My clients know
exactly what they want,

and I know what I'm doing.

Don't worry, everything
is already prepared,

you just have to appear,
be what you are,

relax and react as Miloš would.

p*rn*graphy should not
be an illusion,

but a live transmission of sex.

- Dad.
- Yes, son.

Remember the little wheels?

I do.

Do you know how
to make them spin?

I do.

But you must do it yourself.

We all do it alone.

Tell me how.

When you feel them,
try to follow them.

It's a family traveling

and you just close
your eyes and follow them.

Wait, the wheels are
spinning better at night.

Put it in your ear.

Enter the building, relaxed.

"Home for Abandoned
and Orphaned Children"

Walk slowly ahead.

Be natural.

I wish I impaled
myself on a fence rather

than giving birth to you!

Haven't I told you not to let
the villains take you away?

Get lost, you
misbegotten wretch!

What are you staring at?

Bravo.

What was it like?

Fine.

We were filming at a home
for orphaned children.

Where?

Drag yourself over here!

Look at yourself.

You can't raise a d*ck,
how will you raise a child?

The child is mine.
Raiko only made it.

I gave birth to it.
Come, you b*tch!

Let me go, villains!

Give me back my child,
you b*stards!

- Honey?
- Hi.

What are you doing?

I picked up Petar from classes.

I'm taking him to a costume party.
Are you coming?

No, I'm tired.
I must get some sleep.

Everything all right?

Sure. You two enjoy yourselves.

I'll talk to you later,
we must park now. Bye.

The cake is coming.

Never seen such
a cake in my life.

- Aren't you in action?
- Marko, you must do me a favor.

I'm all d*ck.

I need a detailed background
check on my director,

producer, pimp, goddam
businessman, Vukmir.

I don't know his last name.
Check his whole crew.

Little bro has changed his
views on checking his friends?

Look, it's important and urgent.

Understood.

Everything Ok with you?

Yes, so far.
How about you?

Working on it.

Light the candles.

Happy birthday, dear Petar...

Baby, the time is flying
and your 'animal' is snoozing again.

Come on, blow harder.
Blow harder.

- Blow harder.
- Bravo!

Now we're gonna open
the present from uncle.

This is the present
from your uncle.

How do you open this?

Happy birthday, my sweet son.

What do you think, how does he
manage to be hard for so long?

It's not a d*ck,
it's a police baton.

If you don't know,
I can't help you.

Those b*tches are leaking all over,
and he's servicing all three of them.

How come he's not tired?

Why isn't he f*cking limp,
like all the normal people?

You're at it again!

That's hardly gonna
shape it like we all want.

What was so urgent?

You tell me,
what are we sh**ting?

Are those cameramen real cops?

Are they protection? From what?

Cut the crap!

You're drunk, nearly
impotent and turning dumb.

I may be dumb, but not naive.

Vukmir knows what he's doing.
I trust him more than myself.

They're the greatest pros
you've ever worked with.

What've you done previously
with those pros of yours?

Don't take it all out on me because
I f*ck animals for art's sake,

while you can't take a bit
of uncertainty for some big bucks.

Does it mean I'll have to suck
a donkey's d*ck for money?

It's not so bad, trust me.

Better than the crap
you've been in lately.

- You know I miss that.
- What?

The certainty of that crap.

At least I knew
what I was filming.

Alright,

do you miss this?

You're losing it.

Lucky for you
Vukmir hasn't noticed yet.

You're resting
from healthy life.

How was the costume party?

- What's that?
- It's a balloon.

Your Raiko was a w*r hero.

If only he knew about
his wife’s whoring!

He would've k*lled both you
and that poor child of yours.

What the hell
is all this, people?

Hello, I can't work like this!

Hit the wh*re.
Hit the wh*re!

Hit her.

Bravo, bravo!
Magnificent!

Miloš?

- Miloš, what's wrong?
- I'm not doing this.

I'm not beating women
in front of kids or cameras.

Miloš, Jeca is our kid.
I'd never dream of hurting her.

Her mother f*cked everything,
from stones to barbed wire.

You're like a Sunday
picnic for her.

I'm not only an artist
but also a professional.

I'd never do a thing
against one's will.

You're going against mine.

I won't stand
any kind of t*rture.

Yeah, you seem to
know a lot about t*rture.

Did you enjoy it less than that m*dget woman
who you locked up in an oven in Stuttgart

and pierced a hole in it so
she could suck you off for hours?

At least your d*ck enjoyed it,

and he never lies.

Vukmir Vukmir.
His name is also his surname.

Worked as a psychologist
in orphanages until 1992.

Then he moved
to the Children's Program

of the State TV.
It's getting better and better!

A lifelong fascination
with the world of film.

Now, it follows with a
mess I had to clarify

with data from
the State Security.

Allegedly, he worked
for them, too.

Sent abroad on a mission,
his trace was lost in Japan.

If he's done any movies,
no one's seen them.

That's about it.

I don't know what bothers you.

According to this you've never
worked with a more educated man.

Who are you gonna trust if not a child
psychologist who is working for the Security?

Hit it, dad, tear it, dad,
uncle Vukmir is sh**ting.

Want something to eat?

No, I've had my
daily dose of rye.

You don't have to go, you
can do it over the phone.

No, I must show up.
It wouldn't be fair.

Today we're sh**ting
at home again.

Without me.
As today, I'm retiring.

Is there any way for me
to convince you otherwise?

No.

The kids bother me. I can't do
such stuff in the kindergarten.

I fully understand you.

But, in that case
between you and the kids,

I must choose kids. They're
my specialty, my whole life.

It's my fault. I thought you'd
be better if you didn't know...

If I had known from the start,
I'd only have declined sooner.

What did you say, kindergarten?

That's a good term.

This whole f*cking country is
one big shitty kindergarten.

A bunch of kids
discarded by their parents.

Do you know what it feels like?

Your whole life you're
compelled to prove

that you're able
to take care of yourself.

To prove that you
can sh*t, eat, f*ck

drink, bleed, earn money...

do whatever it takes to survive.

Until you die!

Would you believe me
if I told you that me and

this wonderful family, that
you're so anxious to leave

are the only warrant of
this nation's survival?

We are the backbone
of this country's economy.

Only we can prove that
this nation is alive

and useful for anything.

I can see that you're insane,
I need no proof for that.

Just tell me, how does it
all connect to p*rn*graphy?

No, Miloš, no, no!

Not p*rn*graphy.

Not p*rn*graphy,
but life itself!

The life of a victim.

Love, art, blood...

Flesh and soul of a victim.

Transmitted live to the
world who has lost all that

and now is paying to watch that

from the comfort of an armchair.

I have no doubt
that it sells well

based on the sum you offered me.

Victim sells, Miloš.

Victim is the priciest
sell in this world.

The victim feels the most
and suffers the best.

We are victim, Miloš.

You, me, this whole
nation is a victim.

We're just too Ret*rded.

And I won't be
a victim bebebecause of that.

But Miloš...

you're the only one in this
film who is not a victim!

Is that so?

Allow me, as your shepherd

to show you the power
of a real victim.

Can it be that you don't get it?

This is a new genre, Miloš!

A new genre!

Newborn porn!

Newborn!

...so that tomorrow,
on 18th of May...

...you'll witness a new Serbian
jet-set extravagance...

Mobile user is not
available at the moment...

Mobile user is not
available at the moment...

If you only knew how easily

cattle aphrodisiac
is diluted in whiskey.

Actually, rye doesn't k*ll
sexual desire at all, right?

Viagra for bulls!

A special recipe concocted
by our sexy doctor who is

so fond of speed that
she puts it into coffee, too.

Can he follow my words?

Now, that's our stud!

Look at him, look at him!

Bravo, bravo!

She's a dirty junky c**t!

She destroyed her child,
daughter of a w*r hero!

Sweet little Jeca watched
her mother f*ck the junky bums.

She is scum.
Hit the wh*re! Hit the b*tch!

Yeah, you b*tch!

Yes, that's one
of the b*tch-mothers

who conceive babies in lust

and than throw
them into a river.

The lustful brood of wenches

with endless gashes in them.

Imagine she were
your son's mother.

Imagine her turning Petar
into a dog-f*ck's b*tch!

Imagine that, Miloš!

Strike her, hit her!

That's it!
Bravo!

The unique magic of
rigor mortis!

That's right, make it right.

f*cking cell!

What?

Never mind, he'll come to me.

Don't worry, he will.

f*cking hell.
Ok, run now.

This one is on me.

Now you ruined it all.
You've destroyed the project.

I did what? How?

You could've drugged any of
your apes to f*ck like insane.

You had Miloš. Now you don't.
Now he's a headless d*ck.

If only you sliced, say,
his son's ear

he'd be his old self again!

He'd f*ck God in the a*s
at your command!

Instead, you take a genius and
fill him with a f*ck-dope.

You're cheap,
just like everyone else.

Fear is bad.
It's a downer.

He needs to rise high. To feel
the ecstasy of a free f*ck.

When he feels it,
he'll forget all

including his wife,
son, mother...

What do you know
about free f*ck?

What do you know
of ecstasy?

This is no art.
You're no longer an artist!

I'm not working for you anymore.

Nor is Miloš.
I'm taking him home.

Get away from me!

God itself brought you, son.
God sent you to deliver us...

God itself brought you, son.
God sent you to deliver us...

from that wh*re,
may she rest in peace,

She was a shame to our house.

Raiko was a great warrior,
but had a poor taste in women.

Since he was k*lled, this house
rots with no male to govern it.

That's why God sent you as
our savior from all worry.

There's not only house,

but a daughter to take care of, too.

Our poor Jeca became an orphan.

My Alice in Wonderland.

Raiko was k*lled just
when he was supposed to

prove to Jeca that
he's not only a father,

but a man as well.
You came instead of him.

You'll have the honor of giving
her a virgin's communion.

To make her a woman.

Like my late father did with me.

Come on, come on...

Now!

I'm gonna cut it off,
you m*therf*ckers!

No, Miloš, no...

Our film jumped
through the window!

What are you waiting for?
After him!

- Marko, it's me. Come for me.
- Miloš, what's wrong?

- Where are you?
- I'm on Celopecka street, no 7.

Come and get me.

Miloš!

Hey, baby, where
you headin' for?

Out naked, but
won't take a d*ck?

Be polite, the girl is underage.

So what if I am underage?

Look at this jerk!

No, Raša, don't.

Rare kind of Monks
put seven adult he-goats

into a shed during summer.

They leave them for a month

until their ba*ls
are like melons.

When they get too hot,
they start f*cking one another.

The monks take the dried
bloody c*m off their ba*ls

and mix it with milk.

It makes the finest
bread spread there is.

You're a he-goat, Miloš.
I'm your monk.

Don't worry, my child.

My he-goat.

I'll provide a
fitting end for you.

Welcome to a warm family home.

A real, happy Serbian family.

Life...

Art.

That's it, Miloš.
That's cinema.

That's film!

Get away from me!

In a winter night
way up the hill.

A creek was frozen
and covered by the snow.

Come on.

Start with the little one.

DIRECTOR AND PRODUCER

WRITERS

DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY

PRODUCTION DESIGNERS

EDITOR

MUSIC COMPOSER

A SERBIAN FILM