Die Zombiejäger (2005)

[bunniefuu]

Welcome to CVT. Top stories tonight,

Iottery gangs ravages the south of Sweden.


from military funds to pre-school.

We have Lena Skoglund, minister
of defence in the studio for a comment.

Sports, Swedish sucess in the
World Curling Championships,

GAIS wins a stunning victory
in the Champions League.

But first to Gothenburg.
Reports are coming in of...

We interrupt our regular broadcasts

for a special bullentin.

Reports indicate that the police
are losing control.

We have received a tape from danish reporter
Knut Mortensen that confirm this.

The tape contains strong images. I would
therefore like to warn sensitive viewers.

The situation is growing worse.

The police are trying to evacuate those

still behind the barricades.

The situation is spinning out of control.

Can the police handle this task?

What the f*ck's going on?!

Film, film!

We are in Gothenburg. This is live. television!!!

It's a total chaos!

-What the hell are you doing here? Get lost!
No, I'm a danish reporter! n Knut Mortensen!

Now the police have orders to fall back.

Go away. There are zombies here damn it!

It's Knut Mortensen, danish television,
Live from Gothenburg!

It's total chaos! People are...

Strange people are coming. I don't know
what's happening.

Knut Mortensen, Gothenburg!

To do : Buy booze on the plane.

A present to my mother.

k*ll 26 zombies.

Ah, f*ck!

Die Zombiejäger!

And you haven't heard anything else?

Yes, Yes, I understand.

Hm, mm..

The situation is worse than expected.

No, no!

Lübeck

Totally destroyed!

The army fights zombies with bombs.

No, it would not be wise to call in the military.

We'll send a team as soon as possible!

Bye, bye and say hi to your wife from me!

Helga! Call the Kiel-team for me!

Aaah! f*ck me, b*tch!

What the hell is wrong with you?

No, what is wrong with YOU?

What?

We're making love and you call me b*tch!

Making love and making love, we're f*cking.

You b*stard!

Hehehe, nice!

Shut up!

Is Ewa gone again?

Yeah, Dieter has shown his emotional
side again... as usual.

Hehe, he will never learn.

Yao?

I have a mission for you...

...have problems with 100 zombies...

...next ferry.. Okay?

Roger that!

Pack your things, we're going to Gothenburg!

Hello, this is Ewa.
Leave your message after the beep, bye!

Ewa, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to...
I was only horny. I'll call you when I get back.

Ewa! Hans here!
Call me as soon as you hear this.

I'm standing here in central Gothenburg
where it's total chaos.

People want to get away from
Gothenburg to Germany,

to escape from this zombie epidemic
that is spreading.

The police are trying to stop the people
trying to get into Germany..

so the doctors can examine them
to prevent the infection spreading to Germany.

Yes, and now back to the studio.

Welcome to GFN radio!

Here follows an interview of Michelle Barbeu
from the Institute for infectious disease control in Cassel.

They are the only manufacturer of
Anti-Zombie serum in the world.

Despite Dr. Barbeu's young age, she's
head of research and world-leading expert of zombie
epidemic.

Welcome to the programme, doctor.
- Oh, thank you!

Welcome to Gothenburg, gentlemen!

Thank you!

You were supposed to have
a few things for us.

It began with a few poisoned milk containers
in an inner-city gocery store.

Milk containers? So someone's using
zombie disease as a biological weapon?

An accident seems unlikely.

How many zombies are we dealing with here?

The police estimate them
to be approximately 150.

Childs play!

That's what your colleague Dragonetti said.

We haven't heard from him
since yesterday morning.

Dragonetti!
What the hell is he doing here?

The same as you gentlemen.

What about anti-zombie serum?

We don't have any, unfortunately.

Oh, great! A scratch and we are finished.

It will be here soon
but we don't have the time to wait.

[Radio] Try to find a safe place to hide
and call the police and paramedics.

Inform them that you belive yourself
to be infected so that they are prepared.

We meet at last, Dragonetti,

face... to... face.

They're on to us master.

Of course, and that is why we're going to

prepare a little surprise for them.

told you he was not to be injured!

The... the... the axe, hmm... slipped. Slipped.

This is going to hurt...

a lot.

Hahahaha!

I hhh... hope you are comfortable
Dragonetti, hehe!

Yeah, we wouldn't want you
to feel any discomfort.

I hope get eaten by your own monsters
and burn in hell you b*stards!

What did he say?

Uh, something about being eaten...

No, not as long as we wear these.

I need a new face...

for my latest creation.

I am your master now.

I can feel your fear.

I am inside your mind.

You will feel the pain,

but you will not struggle.

You will not scream.

I am your master now.

You do right to fear me.

I am in control, your soul is mine.

You feel the pain, your body is heavy.

I am your master now.

You are weak, full of fear.

I have you under my spell.

You want to scream, you want to resist.

But you cannot, I am in control.

I am your master.

Hahahaha!

You cannot resist.

I am your master now.

I don't want any sh**ting,
we'll keep the mob in line.

We're waiting for the press conference where
Chief of police Samuelsson is going to...

Make sure you're ready with the camera
next time, damn it!

The mayor will soon be here and then it's
going to get chaotic, you'll have to be ready.

Hi there! More zombiehunters?

Damn it! I hope you know what you're doing,

the media will tear us to pieces
if this doesn't work.

Are you the zombiehunters?

If you need anything,

call me 1 12.

Yes, hello! Hallo!

We're going to hold a short press conference
to give you new information...

...and answer a few questiions.

We now know how the disease
has been spreading

and are currently tracking down the source.

How has the disease been spread?

I'm afraid I can't answer the question.

Have you made any arrests yet?

Not yet, no.

Why don't you let the army take over?

We don't want the city to be destroyed.

Is the there any connections to similar
cases in South Africa?

Can you tell us in Englich and will you let
the military go into town?

There will be a press conference in english,
for the english press, this evening.

How many people have died?

We estimate it to a few hundred!

Do you know how many
that are still missing?

No, all available personell
are working to gather...

Why don't you use anti-zombie serum
on the infected?

The stock of serum is depleted.

WHy don't you have more serum in stock?

It's a question of money,
the serum is expensive.

Is it true that you have hired German
mercenaries. In order to save money?

No! The serum is on its way, we have hired a
respected firm to rid the town of zombies.

A respected firm?
Don't you mean paid assassins?

No, not quite.

Film Roger, make sure you get this.

Look, it's Kenneth!

But it's Kenneth!

But it's Kenneth!

But it's Kenneth!

It's Kenneth!

KENNETH!

What the f*ck?

You can't sh**t him!

Noooo!

Noooo!

Take it easy!
Stay calm! There are no reason to...

We have everything under control.
Stay calm! Easy!

Will German soliders destroy Gothenburg,
turn it into a new Lübeck?

No, it will not happend!

There is no cause for alarm,
and I will not answer any further questions.

We have to follow them.

Behind the barricades? Are you nuts?!

You come along, or else.
I shall have this scoop!

We have to get closer.

Okay, I'm coming.
Don't be such a f*cking p*ssy.

Not so fast!

Yes!
Film that, get down.

Ok, ok I'm sh**ting.

Don't film me, things are
happening over there. Ok! Ok!

Not so fast, wait up, wait for me!

Wait for me!

Oh, no, they have spotted us!

Oh, great!

sh*t! Do you have them in focus?

Oh, sh*t!

My god! How disgusting.

Are you getting this?

Film!

Aaah! Go away, go away!

Go away, go away!

Hey zombie!

Now you'll have to take care
of yourselves boys.

I have other things to do.

You fascist b*stard, you almost k*lled me!

You don't belong here, piss off!

God damn it! f*ck, sh*t!

You! It looks like the boys can
take care of themselves.

Mhmmm!

Jesus Christ!

It's Hans. He knows that we don't have
any serum so he'll sent it here.

With whom?

I will ask him!

The big bad zombie hunters are scared
by a litterbag and a cell phone.

Hopefully the papers don't get wind of this.

Where the hell do they come from?!

What does that matter?

The most important thing has to be
where we send them.

Straight to hell!

Exactly!

Put the damn phone away and do your job!

Hmm.

sh*t!

Take this zombie!

How often do I have to tell you?

Cell phones have nothing to do in a g*n fight!

Cell phones have na... na... na...!

Nope, they're not here either!

Just great! We've lost them.

Stop whining, we will find them.

They told us to get out of here!

They don't want any witnesses. I'm going to
show the world what's going on here.

Do you want to die here?

Don't be such a f*ck coward!

Oh, no! f*ck!

There are so many.

Run,run Roger,run!

A banana?

Or do you like nibbling on other stuff?

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Who is this Dragonetti?

A real bad a*s.
He started as a hitman for the Italian mob.

Go away!

Get your own damn chicks!

They can get their own girls, you're mine.

Eh! A nice girl like you won't be alone, right?

But he was never convicted of course.

What a guy!

Personally I prefer zombies
rather then Dragonetti.

Garbage bags, rope, axe, protective clothing...

Shovel?

Extra small condoms!

We're dealing with a very small guy here.

Oh!

Hallo... Hans!

We've k*lled about thirty and
we've found Dragonettis car,

Any traces of Dragonetti?

None, we're also running low on a*mo
and we still haven't got any serum.

We have the source...a bit north...

How the hell do you know that?

We have the scouts on location.
They've ammunition and serum for you.

Scouts?

What kind of scouts?

I lost the connection.

Well, then it's just us against the world again.

Bring it on!

You and your big mouth!

We've finished them all!

sh*t! My cigarettes!

Be careful!

Relax, he's stone dead.

We should get moving.

I'm almost out of a*mo.

These dead b*stards never end.

Ivo!

I will get him.

Come here!

How bad is it?

He has been bitten,
it's only a question of time.

I can run and I can fight.

I just have to catch my breath.

St... Still no connection.

Two clips, you?

I have a full clip in the SMG
...and...

six shells in the revolver.

This time we really have to trust
our luck my friends.

Hopefully, no one will be home
when we get to the tower.

Guess what I have...

Do not fear, it's not all without sacriface.

Even I must release something
of my own creation.

My beautiful work of art.

Shall be incorporated into
your state of being,

your essence.

My lovely creation will be complete,

once and for all.

I can see it now,

transpiring before my very eyes.

Rise Dragonetti!

Rise! Hahahaha!

There you are!

What happened?

Where have you been?

I've been so worried.

What's in your mouth?
Are you chewing gum again?

Close your mouth.

I'm so tired,
I've seen you chewing gum all day.

Where is the camera?
Don't tell me you've lost the camera.

I'm so damn tired, we can't continue like this,

we have to work together and
you have to use the camera like I tell you to.

This is my best scoop yet,
I'm shouting at you and you don't do anything.

Roger?

Roger?

Now, we have to find the scout before
something finds us.

If you were to use zombies as
a biological weapon,

you wouldn't spread the disease in a small area
and just observe,

that would be crazy!

If that's not the whole purpose.

This is a test.

Or a show of strenght!

The question is just, for what?

It's about time!

Up the hill! We need the a*mo!

Ah, another clip!

Ewa?

Ewa?

Hurry up!

Weapons!

We need serum.

Here!

Ewa!

Hey, boys!

Into the tower my dear.

Into the tower my dear.

Hey! Get over here!

Milk, hmm one hundred and three... hmm...

-Prepare 1500 milk containers -Prepare the girl
-DON'T forget to tape The Simpsons

I'm warning you! Back off!

Back off!

Ewa!

Before you start your endless cuddling,
may I remind you that we still have a job to do!

Before you start your endless cuddling,
may I remind you that we still have a job to do!

You are not behind this, where's your boss?

You are not behind this, where's your boss?

The master is not here, you'll never find him.

Where is he going?

Exellent, all we need now is a bait.

I'm under his protection.

Wanna bet?

Hurry up!

Ivo! Get out!

Here comes a bonbon from uncle Ivo.
Phosphorus flavour!

The spokesman for the police has now
confirmed that the zombie threat is over.

The spokesman for the police has now
confirmed that the zombie threat is over.

Rumours say that the hunters have k*lled all
the zombies and destroyed a building.

We wait for a confirmation.

Now boys, it's my turn.

Hey, Dragonetti!

Hey, Dragonetti!

Hurry up!

Enjoy your petty victory, zombie hunters,

next time it will be the real deal.

Once again, thank you.

The city owes you a favour.

We are only doing our job.

We need beer.

A large beer.
Yeah, a large beer.

And bierwurst.
Oh, yes bierswurst!

Let's go home and f*ck b*tch!

Translation by Magnus Hedqvist