Spider Baby or, The Maddest Story Ever Told (1967)

[bunniefuu]

♪ Screams and moans
and bats and bones

♪ And teenage monsters
in haunted homes

♪ The ghost on the stair
The vampires bite

♪ Better beware,
there's a full moon tonight!

♪ Cannibal spiders creep and crawl

♪ Boys and ghouls having a ball

♪ Frankenstein, Dracula
and even the Mummy

♪ Are sure to end up
in somebody's tummy

♪ Take a fresh rodent
some toadstools and weeds

♪ And add an old owl
and the young one she breeds

♪ Mix in seven legs
from an eight-legged beast

♪ And then you're all set
for a cannibal feast

♪ Sit round the fire
with this cup of brew

♪ A fiend and a werewolf
on each side of you

♪ This cannibal orgy
is strange to behold

♪ And the maddest story ever told

"The Merrye syndrome,

"so-called
because its only known occurrence

"is among the descendants
of one Ebenezer Merrye.

"A progressive age regression
beginning about the tenth year

"and continuing steadily
throughout the victim's lifetime.

"It is believed that eventually
the victim of the Merrye syndrome

"may even regress
beyond the prenatal level,

"reverting to a pre-human condition
of savagery and cannibalism.

"Many authorities do not accept
the existence of Merrye syndrome."

Incredible.

But true.

Nevertheless, I know only too well.

Of course,
there's no Merrye syndrome any more.

It was extinguished for ever

from the human race

that fateful day ten years ago.

Can you tell me
where the Merrye house is?

I said the Merrye house!

If there is any such place,
we don't know anything about it!

Good. Get in.

Anybody home?

Anybody home?

Please say yes, somebody's home.

Hello in there!

Hello?

Hello?

I caught you!

I caught you.
I've caught a big fat bug

right in my spider web.

And now the spider
gets to give the bug a big sting.

Sting, sting...

...sting, sting!

Sting, sting, sting, sting!

Sting!

Virginia!

Virginia, are you crazy?
Now look what you've done.

You're bad. Bad!

Bruno's going to hate you!

Elizabeth? Virginia?

Elizabeth?

Virginia?

Elizabeth?

One, two, three...

Elizabeth!

Bruno, Virginia hurt somebody real bad.

You ought to hate her.

Elizabeth, how many times
have I told you it's not nice to hate?

Oh.

Oh!

Dum, dum...

The one time I leave them alone.

And now this.

Elizabeth, I trusted you.
I left you in charge.

It's not my fault! I didn't do it!

She did it.
She was playing spider.

- You should hate her.
- No!

I left you in charge!

Virginia!
Virginia, you come here right now!

Ralph! Ralph, Ralph, Ralph!

Ralph! Ralph! Ralph! R-R-R-Ralph!

Ralph! Ralph! Ralph!
R-R-R-Ralph! Ralph!

Ralph, we're home now.

Ralph!

- Ralph, we're home now.
- Ralph! Ralph.

Ralph!

Virginia, now you stay right there.

You come and sit down. Sit down.

You too, Elizabeth.

Now, children,
I wanna tell you something

and I want you to listen
very, very carefully.

You remember last time
when those two children

climbed over the wall

and Virginia almost caught them
in her spider web?

Mm-hm.

Well, that got people wondering
about us and that's bad.

Your daddy wouldn't like that,
Virginia.

Now, I can't be here all the time.

You know that I have to take Ralph
into the city to the doctor

once in a while.

And Virginia, you were supposed
to mind your sister.

You were not supposed
to play spider any more.

Now you never, never
can play spider again!

Oh, Ralph,
what have you got there?

Something that man had.

Ralph, give it to me.

That's it. Thank you, Ralph.

Huh.

This is from a lawyer.

Yeah, a lawyer.

What is this, Bruno?

Something bad, isn't it?

How many times do I have to tell you

just because something isn't good
doesn't mean it's bad?

I knew that!

It must be something VERY bad!

Nothing is VERY bad.

It isn't?

Huh.

He's going to come here
and bring other people.

Daddy wouldn't like that.

What other people?

They want to... make...

They want
to become your legal guardians.

"As the only other known surviving heirs

"of the estate of Titus W. Merrye..."

- Isn't that Daddy?
- Yeah. Uh...

"On the 14th of..."

Today's the 14th.

Now, children, we've gotta keep
some secrets today.

Huh?

Urgh. What do you want that for?

Hurry up!
I wanna watch Uncle Ned.

You're not supposed to!

- Hey!
- Look out!

I'm coming, Uncle Ned.

I'm coming,
Aunt Clara, Aunt Martha.

I'm coming, Uncle Ned.

Emily!
I mean, I wish you'd kind of...

Peter, if you don't like my driving,
you may feel free to take a trolley.

Now, wait just a minute.
This was not my idea.

I've never heard of the Merrye family!
What is that?

They're our cousins, darling.
It behoves us to meet them.

All right. I mean, you know, all right,

but remember
that it was not my idea, OK?

Of course not, darling.

You don't have ideas,
baby Peter brother.

- Hm.
- Huh!

What makes you think
this is the right road?

It's got to be!

Ha! There, you see!

Hm.

So...

This...

...is it.

I don't see any sign of whatshisname?
Uh, the lawyer.

Obviously, he hasn't arrived as yet.

The caretaker here probably went
to meet him in a horse and buggy.

Might as well go on up.

They'll be along any minute.
Why don't we...?

What's the matter, Peter?
Chicken?

I just don't think it's right
to go barging in on somebody

that you're about to sue.

Well, just remember
we're trying to avoid that expense,

if possible.

Well, I'll leave that up to you.

What happened?
You saw a ghost, right?

Don't be funny!

There was a... There was an awful...

A baboon!

Well, let's not have
a complete double-duck fit.

Uh, Mr Schlocker,

I think he means
that you open the window from inside.

Hm, yes.

What's going on here?
Why have we stopped?

- They're blasting up ahead, sir.
- They're what?

Blasting, sir. For the new highway.

Well, we better wait it out,
I suppose.

Yes, sir. They won't be long, sir.
Mr Sharker.

The name is Schlocker, Mr Bruno.

Oh! Please, sir...

Er, Bruno.
Just plain Bruno, sir.

Oh, very well, Bruno.

I wanna tell you I appreciate
your cooperation in this matter.

I wasn't expecting it, frankly.

Cooperation, sir?

Well, yes.

To tell you the truth,
I was fully prepared

to avail myself of the services
of a marshal,

should it be necessary.

Well, thanks to your cooperation
it isn't.

I appreciate that and I'll do my best
to see that you're not forgotten.

Forgotten, sir?
I... l-l don't quite understand.

Well, in the...
in the disposition of the estate.

Um, I firmly believe that so many years
of faithful service

should not go unrewarded,
no matter how ill-advised.

Thank you, sir.

Now, Bruno, I'd like to ask
a few questions, if you don't mind.

Very well, sir. Go ahead, sir.

Now, it is my understanding
that for the past several years

you have been the sole custodian

of the three children
of the late Titus W. Merrye.

Is that correct?

As you say, sir,
for some many years.

And that the same three children
have never been allowed the benefits

of any sort of formal schooling?

Oh, no, sir.

The Master wouldn't have allowed that.

And professional medical care?

Oh, on the contrary, sir.

I assure you there have been
regular and frequent visits, sir.

You mean they're not well?

Well, er...
As well as could be expected, sir.

You see,
they're not... ordinary children.

I'm sure we can all agree
to that, Bruno, but nevertheless...

You see, they're...
Well, you might call them Ret*rded.

Ret*rded?

Well, I should think so, nearly full grown
and never a clay of school.

No, sir. I-I-I don't think you understand,
Mr Sharker.

I'm afraid YOU don't understand,
my dear fellow.

There are properly qualified institutions
for the care of the... the deprived.

Especially when there are
substantial estates to be administered.

Frankly, I find the whole affair
rather shocking.

I may add there are proper
judicial remedies for such abuses.

I don't think the Master would like this.

Come on, buddy.
Let's get this car out of here.

Yes sir.

Ah, my dear Miss Howe.

So nice to see you here!

And the young Mr Howe!

- Hi, Schlocker. How are you?
- Good to see you, my boy.

Pete, this is my secretary,
Miss Morris.

- Hi, Miss Morris. How do you do?
- Hi.

Skip the rest of it, Schlocker.

Let's go in
and take a look at the place.

Oh, yes. I... I've been away
from the children too long already.

You just follow me and I'll show you
where to park your machine.

But if I may ask a favour, please.

Please treat the children tactfully.

You see, they're not accustomed
to strangers

and they might
act wild if... if encouraged.

Now, ladies, this is your Auntie Emily
and your Uncle Peter.

Elizabeth and Virginia.

That's two pretty names
for two such pretty young ladies.

- This is Miss, er...
- Ann.

Ann.

Um, Ralph. Where's Ralph?

Ralph? Ralph!

Virginia!

Ralph! R-R-Ralphy!

Virginia.

Ralph!
R-R-R-R-Ralph! Ralph!

Ralph.

Oh, he's all right, Emily.

He's just a big kid!

Yes, it's like you say, sir.

He's just a... a big kid.

Now see here, Bruno,

you don't seem to realise
just how serious all this is.

Now, these... children

are obviously in need
of qualified professional care.

Wouldn't you say?

Well, there's a great deal
in what you say, sir,

but I gave their father
a solemn oath

that I'd never allow
their unfortunate malady

to become the object
of public scrutiny.

Nonsense!

The days when we hid our insane
behind walls of shame

went outwith...
with that old car of yours.

- They're talking about us, Virginia.
- I know.

But Mr Sharker,
an oath to a dying man,

that can't be taken lightly.

Now, Bruno,
what do you mean by "malady"?

I mean... Well, I've seen backward kids.
Is it...?

Well, no.
I-I-It's... It's more than a retardation.

It's a sort of a regression,

a progressive deterioration
of the mental faculties.

A rotting of the brain,
so to speak.

It... begins in late-childhood

and... progresses rapidly,

ultimately resulting
in... physical deformity.

Rather like the last stages of paresis.

- Really that bad?
- Yes.

The Merrye family,
or at least this branch of them,

have been afflicted for generations.

And I'm sorry to say, sir, I...

I think this is the last generation.

What a shame.

Bruno, you mean all three of these...?

Yes, sir.

The unfortunate result of...

inbreeding.

Never mind that now, Bruno.
We can go into that at the proper time.

Hmm... now let's see.

Yes, I would like to know
the whereabouts

of certain other members
of the Merrye family,

the two sisters of Titus W. Merrye

and brother named,
I believe... Nedrick Merrye.

If alive.

Alive? Well, you might say so, sir.

Come on, Bruno.
Don't beat around the bush.

Are they around or not?

They're talking about Uncle Ned.

I know.

Well, I-i-it became necessary

to put them in a...
a more private sort of an institution.

My good man,

are you saying that you...

...that the family chauffeur has been
in sole charge of this entire estate

and these minor children?

Oh, I never thought of it that way, sir.

You see,
I promised the Master that...

Yeah, we know all about that.
Listen, Schlocker, it's been a long trip.

I'd like to get cleaned up
and get off my feet for a while.

We can go through this
after dinner.

Dinner?

Yes, it is dinner time. Matter of fact,
Bruno, we intend to spend the night.

Oh, no, sir.
That's quite impossible.

Why, why...
We're not prepared for guests.

There seems to be
a difference of opinion

as to who is the guest
and who the host here.

You do have food in the house,
don%you?

Why, yes.

Y-Y-You see,
our diet is very austere.

But I-l suppose
we could find something.

Yes. Yes, I suppose we could!

Uh-huh.

I smell a bug.

A...

...big, black, juicy...

I am proud of you, Virginia.
You're doing so well.

Ralph is ready, Bruno.

Oh, thank you, Elizabeth.
Bring him right down.

My dear, there's no doubt in my mind
that we have here

an absolutely clear-cut
prima facie open-and-shut case.

Great. Now, all I want to know
is what is it worth in dollars and cents?

Well, that's... that's a little difficult
to tell at this juncture.

Perhaps with an audit...
Miss Morris, give me schedule B.

Right here, Mr Schlocker.

Of course, this is only the visible part
of the iceberg, so to speak.

With more information,
we can project the curve...

Hey. Hiya, Ralph!

Everybody, look at Ralph.

He's gotten all dressed up for us.

Oh, yes, isn't he cute?

Ladies and gentlemen,
dinner is served.

Well, at last!

Thank you, Virginia.

That was very good, Virginia!

Can I feed Winifred now?

Winif... Oh, no, no. Not now!
Can't she wait?

If she gets hungry,
she'll go looking for something to eat.

Oh, in that case,
you go right ahead,

but hurry up, hurry up,
all right?

I Will, I Will!

Hungry, Miss Morris?

Oh, yes. I'm famished.

Shall we then?

Well, there we are.
Er, just sit wherever you like.

We're not very formal here
at Merrye house.

We haven't had guests
in a long time.

No, it's-it's-it's been a long, long time.

I-I-I might add
that it's a great pleasure.

You can sit down now, Ralph.

Winifred? Winifred?

Barney, you came back!

Naughty Winifred, you didn't tell me.

Virginia?
We're waiting for you.

Sit in your chair, Virginia, please.

Voila!

What... is that?

Well, that's rabbit, obviously.

Not bad, Bruno.
Looks done to a turn.

Thank you, sir! I hope you enjoy it.

We're very fortunate
to have meat for our guests.

You see, we're vegetarians.

Vegetarians?

It's dead.
We don't eat dead things.

- Good Lord, man! Why...?
- The Master.

Don't say it, you made a promise?

It was no idle whim, I assure you.

The Master knew of the grave danger.

The danger?

Yes, Bruno, what is that
supposed to mean?

Well, the Master believed,
and he should know,

that the eating of flesh would hasten
the progress of their condition.

Now I've heard everything!

Wait a minute, Bruno.

You mean like that story
about the lion cub who's tame

until he gets his first taste
of fresh meat, right?

I'm afraid it's even more serious
than that, sir.

Well... whatever that is,

rabbit or what... ever...

...I pass.

Well, it looks good to me.
Hey, I'll carve.

Thank you, sir. Carry on.

Oh, and I must tell you all

you have Ralph here to thank
for providing it.

Is that right?
Good for you, Ralph.

I'll... I'll have something else.

Thank you.

What do you call these?

Ah, a rare treat. Our favourite dish.

- We call it souffléd fungi.
- What?

Mushrooms, Schlocker.

- Oh, mushrooms.
- Yes.

A real staple.
They grow profusely on the grounds.

And... did Ralph...?

Oh, no, no.

Virginia provided these.

She has an uncanny knack
for picking only the...

...non-poisonous ones.

Come on.
Let's not hog this stuff.

There you go.

Thank you, Uncle Peter.

Thank you, Uncle Peter.

Hey, Schlocker, you can't certainly
say they're not polite.

Oh, Miss Howe, if you don't
feel up to the heavier fare,

perhaps you'd like to try
some of our fresh garden greens.

Yeah, Emily. Here. Try the salad.

Urgh.

Allow me.

This thing isn't dressed.

Isn't Ralph a vegetarian, too?

Oh, yes, but Ralph's allowed
to eat anything that he catches.

Oh!

Emily, this is very good.
You don't know what you're missing.

Oh, as I told you,
our diet is very austere.

But it's most healthy.

That's great.
Everybody ought to eat like that.

Oh, we have our delicacies, too,

but they're not in season right now.

Oh, no, no, sir.
You wouldn't want any of that.

Oh, no. I guess not.

Urrrgh.

What do you think about
spending the night now, Emily?

You couldn't drag me away, Peter.

Good show, my dear.
I'm with you.

Oh, it's like I told you, sir. It's...

There's nothing more to say, Bruno.

Now, now,
let's make things easy on yourself.

We want to be fair.

The sisters can move in together
and you and... Ralph.

Well... we might do that.

Oh, no. No! I-It's quite impossible.
It's too dangerous.

You see, this is an old building.

The wood is rotten.

You'd... you'd have to know your way
about in the dark.

Nonsense! The next thing you'll tell us
it's haunted.

Haun...?
Oh, no. Nothing like that.

He means they're vampires.

Oh, yes, and werewolves.

Are you a horror film fan,
Miss Morris?

Oh, yes, I love it.
"Dracula", "Frankenstein".

And "The Mummy"?

Oh, "The Mummy". I love
"The Mummy"! The way he walks.

Step, scrape. Step, scrape.

Oh, and the Wolf Man.

There's going to be
a full moon tonight.

Er... Er, Mr Schlocker,

I mean, I-i-if you don't need me
any more tonight,

I could just as well stay in...
down at...

There's an inn in the village.

As I see it,
there are only two rooms, anyway.

Peter, if you took the car, do you think
you could find lodgings for Miss Morris?

Yeah. I saw a motel, coming in, yeah.

Fine, fine. Good idea.

Be sure you have her
back on time, young man.

- Busy day ahead, you know.
- Don't worry.

Thank you, Mr Howe.

You're very welcome.

Children, some of our guests
are going to stay the night.

Would you come and help me
prepare their rooms?

Yes, Bruno.

Spider!

- Ugh.
- Got it.

I hate spiders.

We have lots of spiders.

Do you like spiders, Mr Howe?

Oh, sure, Virginia. I love spiders!

Do you? Would you like
to play spider with me?

- Virginia...
- Sure. I'll play spider with you.

Maybe tomorrow?

I'm sorry, Mr Howe,
that we couldn't accommodate everyone,

but I'll be looking forward
to seeing you tomorrow.

Me, too, Bruno.

- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you very much.

Good night, kids.

Well, Miss Morris,
we should be getting an early start.

I'd like that very much, Mr Howe.

Hey!

This is the phoniest setup
I've ever seen.

There is something terribly wrong here

and I intend to find out
exactly what it is.

There we go.

Say, it's still early, Miss Morris.

Perhaps you'd like to have a drink
at that inn in the village

that Bruno mentioned.

I'd like that very much, Mr Howe.

Oh, and maybe a sandwich
if you don't mind.

Virginia?

Virginia?

- Boo!
- Shh!

Are you going to kiss Daddy
good night?

Mm-hm.
Elizabeth, are you scared?

Scared of what?

You know. Those people.

I hate them.

You're not supposed to hate.

You should, too.
They don't like spiders.

I know.

That little man looks
just like a big fat bug, doesn't he?

Yes, he does.

You know what I'd like to do?

Is it really lots of fun
playing spider, Virginia?

You bet.

Coming to tuck you in, Daddy.

Nighty-night, Daddy.

Huh?

Now, now, see here.

This won't do.

This has gone quite far enough.

Ladies.

Beyond the bounds of prudence
and good taste.

I don't know what you people
are up to here, but...

but I'm going to have
to call in the authorities.

Now, there are laws.

Criminal laws...

k*ll him! k*ll him!

No, this isn't right.
There are proper procedures.

Special remedies.

Please! Let me go, ladies!

k*ll him!

Now we can put him right back
in his own bed.

Bruno will never have to...

Please don't hate me!
I didn't mean to do it!

She made me do it!
She made me do it, Bruno!

Well, he was spying on us.

Well, he was gonna tell.

He was gonna tell on us, Bruno.

Yes, Elizabeth, he was gonna tell.

And don't you worry, Virginia,

I'm not gonna hate you.

I knew
this was coming some day.

But it's so soon.

And you really and truly
don't hate me?

I promised your daddy
I'd never, never hate you.

You did?

You ought to hate him.

Elizabeth, I told you
it isn't nice to hate.

Children, l-l-I've got something
I want to tell you

and I want you
to listen very, very carefully.

A long, long time ago,
I promised your daddy

that I'd take care of you and Ralph
for ever and ever.

And then... came this Mr Shlocker.

He was a nasty, mean man.

He wanted to take you away where
old Bruno would never see you again.

But...

...you hurt Mr Schlocker...

...and he can't do that now.

But soon there will be more
Mr Schlockers

and they'll be nastier and meaner
than he was and...

You won't be able
to hurt all of them because...

...there will be too many of them.

They can't take me
away from you, Bruno.

They can't make me go away!

You won't let them, will you, Bruno?

I promised your daddy I wouldn't.

I knew you wouldn't, Bruno.

I'm not afraid.

Well, we didn't have
much time anyway.

Pretty soon Ralph, he'll be... ready
to join Uncle Ned and Aunt Claire.

And then you.

We wanna stay here
for ever and ever, Bruno,

with you and Ralph and Uncle Ned.

We will. I promise.

For ever and ever. We will.

You know...

...I-I-I know
where there's a nice new toy.

It'll do a wonderful thing.

A toy?

Yes! And you can stay up late
just to see it.

- Can we?
- Uh-huh.

Now, I have to go
a little ways to get it,

but it'll only take me a little while.

Please don't go, away, Bruno.

I'm scared.

It won't take but a few minutes.

And I'll be back. Now...

Elizabeth,

I expect you to take care
of your brother and sister

and see that they don't get
in any trouble.

Will you do that?

Oh, I will, Bruno.

Huh.

Oh!

Schlocker?

Schlocker? Schlocker?
Schlock...?

Schlocker!

She'll tell!

- Catch her! Catch her!
- Don't let her get away!

- She'll tell!
- Catch her!

Aunt Emily?

Aunt Emily?

Where did she go?

Aunt Emily?

There she goes!

Get her! Get her!

Hey, Liz.

Hey... are you really
a Wolf fan,

a Wolf Man fan, Ann?

Oh, yes. I think that's
how every man should be.

Like a wild beast.

No vacancy again.

That's the last one, Ann.

There isn't another town for 50 miles.

I guess we shouldn't have spent
all that time at the village inn.

Yes. I didn't realise
how late it was getting.

You lose count.
They keep taking away the glasses!

I know, but I remember exactly
how many.

Er, listen,
there's nothing we can do

except go back and spend the night
with Emily and Schlocker.

Got it! Got it!

Urgh! Spiders aren't supposed
to eat other spiders.

Cannibal spiders do.

Bruno! Bruno!

It doesn't sound like Bruno.

Oh, no, it's Uncle Peter
and that pretty lady.

They've come back.

Virginia, you mustn't hurt anyone else.

Bruno will really hate you.

He will not.

Anyway, I like Uncle Peter.
He's not like that bad man.

All the same, they'll tell on us.

Would they?

Would they tell?

Of course, they'll tell. Bruno said
there would be others, didn't he?

They're coming. What do we do?

We'll have to make a plan.

Somebody's up and about.
Good.

I hope it's not that Ralph.

Oh, Ralph's just a big kid.

- Do you really think so?
- Sure.

Hiya, kids.

Hey, Miss Morris and I are gonna have
to spend the night here after all.

There's no room at the inn,
as they say.

Good evening, Uncle Peter.

Uh-huh.

Er, is Mr Bruno about?

No. No, he's away.
Won't you come in?

Yes, do come in.

Ah, how about Aunt Emily?
Is she around?

Shh!

- Oh, shh! Shh!
- Shh!

There's really no need
to disturb anyone.

All righty.
When does Mr Bruno get back?

Shh. He'll be along by and by.

Now, Uncle Peter,
you just make yourself right at home.

Virginia, dear,
you may entertain Uncle Peter,

while I take care of the pretty lady.

Erm...

Er, it's all right.

It's all right.

I'm sure Elizabeth knows what to do.

Well, if you really think so.

Sure. Listen, Emily is very easy
to get along with.

When she's asleep!

Well, that won't be necessary.

Ann will have Daddy's room.

It's really very nice.

There you go. See?

Thank you, Elizabeth.
You're really very kind.

Well... good night.

Yes.

See you in the morning.

Mm-hm. It was awfully nice.

This way, pretty lady.

I'm glad you came back.

I like you.

I like you, too!

You're a nice lady.

I liked you right away.

You're not like those others.

Oh, Virginia, likes you, too.
And Ralph.

We all like you.

And Uncle Peter, too.

You'd never tell,

no matter what Bruno says.

You'd never tell. I know you wouldn't.

I like you, pretty lady.

Pretty lady?

And the big black spider
goes round and round

and wraps the bug all up
in her spider web.

Virginia, what happens when the spider
gets the bug all wrapped up in her web?

Ah-ha! I won't tell!

Ah! All right.

How long does it take
to play this game?

Oh, we're almost done.

Oh, right.

Oh.

There now.

Hm.

Virginia?

Hey, what does the spider do now?

What? Oh, yes.

Um, now the spider
does a little dance for the bug.

She has to tease him.

Taunt him.

And make him wiggle,
so that his juice will taste better.

Virginia, I think
we better play another game.

Uncle Peter,
do you like that pretty lady?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Do you like... me?

Uh... When does
Mr Bruno come back?

Bruno won't hate me.
He promised.

Spiders like bugs.

They taste good.

But I guess bugs
don't like spiders very much.

I like spiders.

I like spiders.

I do, too.

Well...

- Guess I have to sting you now.
- You have to what?

Virginia, what about Mr Schlocker?
Mr Schlocker?

- Hey, Schlocker!
- Sting!

Well, I have to go away for a minute.

But I'll be right back.

Don't go away... bug.

What are we gonna do with her?
Ralph can't let go.

What do you mean
what are we going to do with her?

Don't you know?
You made this plan.

But I didn't have enough time
to finish it.

She wiggles just like
a big squiggly bug in a spider web.

Hm.

Uncle Ned could make her quiet.

No! Bruno would be very mad!

Anyway, Ralph likes her, see.

You mustn't hurt her.

Just make her quiet.

Now, Spider's very clever.

She very cleverly

drains the vital juices
from the bug's body.

And that makes the bug
stop squiggling.

Would that make her stop squiggling?

Help me find something sharp.

Ralph?

Hold her still! All I need to do
is make a little neat cut.

How much should we let run out?

Just enough to make her quiet.

Then Ralph can play with her better.

Look out!

Ralph?

Emily?

Ralph?

No, Emily, I'm in here.
Where you been?

For heaven's sake, give me a hand.

That little fiend tied me up.

Peter!

I'm coming, Ann! Hold on!

Help me!

Children?

That lady hurt Ralph.

Ralph will be all well very soon.

I brought that wonderful surprise
I promised you.

Let me see it! Let me see it!
What is it?

Uh-Uh-Uh! This is a secret surprise.

Oh, sir, I don't know how you got
yourself into this predicament,

but I suggest you leave the premises
as quickly as possible.

Where's Ann?

Ann? Where's Ann?

Ah!

If I were you, I'd hurry, sir.

I'm hurrying! I'm hurrying!

What's it gonna do, Bruno?

Well, it's gonna make
a big flash and go "bang"!

Oh, boy!

Lookie!

Uncle Ned!

Yes, it was quite
an amazing experience.

But, for me, anyway,
a lot of good came of this.

Um, being the only survivor,

naturally, I inherited
the wealth of the Merryes,

which, later,
turned out to be... quite vast!

More important than that, though,
my wife.

That's our daughter, Jessica.

Mummy, may I go outside now?

All right, Jessica, dear, but come back
into the house if it starts raining again.

Oh, I will, Mummy.

And so the Merrye syndrome

was extinguished for ever
with the family that carried it.

Er, my own branch of the family,
being rather distant,

we never suffered from the curse.