We're Going to Eat You (1980)

[bunniefuu]

How come you're always pissing?

Don't bother me. I can't help it

Hey look!

Look at you pissing?

I know too. What's so funny?

Over there!

Why's our ferryman leaving so fast?

Maybe he's planning to...

He already took us here
What else do you want?

It's getting dark. Let's get moving

Where's the road to town?

Don't tell me you've got to piss again?

Weak bladder?!

No!

There's something weird about this place

Hurry up! We've got to get going!

What is he doing here?

Brother!...

Shiao Ban-ma! Shiao Ban-ma!

Shiao Ban-ma! Shiao Ban-ma!...

Friend...

I'm only a newcomer

I don't know you...

and you don't know me

You've got the wrong guy!

I'll go with you to prove it!

Hey, don't push! I can walk

A slaughter house?

OK, I can walk by myself! Go in

Boiling rice?

You're too cruel to those chickens!

What are you going to do?

Someone else has been trapped?

Huh, they've got some fresh meat!

To the cafeteria... there's more meat...

Hurry, let's go to the cafeteria!

Fresh meat

Where's the chief?

I don't know

Well, go get him!

Move aside! Fresh meat!

Stop complaining! Queue up!

Queue Here it comes!

I want some meat!... Stop arguing!

Stop that noise... Shut up!

Chief... Sir!

Spread the meat!
Haven't had fresh meat for long!...

How many did we catch?

Two!

Not bad!

Better than none

They're split into how many pieces?

Thirty-nine pieces

Thirty-nine pieces?...

We've also got six chickens

Let's see... Thirty nine pieces...
divided equally

among the Chans and Lees... means...

thirty-nine subtract seven
minus another five...

Stop calculating!

I'll do it

Our security department
gets thirty pieces

the rest you divide among yourselves

That's not fair!

Who said it's not fair?

How can all of us get nine pieces only?

It's not enough?

Last time you only took ten pieces

How come now you want thirty?

Stop complaining!

If you don't think there's enough

you can eat the chickens as well

Chickens? How can they compare?

It's not fair!

The problem's been solved

After you've eaten, don't forget...

tonight we'll have a funeral service

What funeral service!

Both you and I know

all the people here are insane

Get across the river

and report to the police

Ask them to show up in force

Go quickly!

You mean go right now?

They're all feasting now

so they'll be off guard

Now is a good opportunity

You mean I go alone?

I've got my reason

I've got to save these people
to protect myself

You know where I hid the boat

Don't waste time! Good luck to you!

Everything's been taken care of!

Wait for me!

Chief...

Don't forget to bring me some hearts

I've given you two hearts today
Still not satisfied?!

More hearts wouldn't hurt

OK. I'll give you some hearts

but if you're disloyal to me...

I was talking about a real heart

You mean mine's not real?

Think here's a toilet? Go in and out?

Don't forget our golden rule

We'll let you in, but you can't go out!

Who told you
to try to contact the police?

Say

Don't say a word?

Fix him!

Who said to k*ll him?

You said to k*ll him!

I said to 'fix' him

Like this, stupid!

Sorry, Chief. I was mistaken!

Mistaken? I'll k*ll you Don't

Take the body and butcher it!

OK. Help me

More fresh meat! Food for tonight

You want
to have a funeral service for him?

Of course. We must help his spirit

rest in peace-
that's what a temple's for!

Without seeing its body
its spirit will wonder

How could it possibly rest in peace?

No problem!
We're people and he's a ghost

Ghosts, unlike people, have no power

If we say rest in peace

they must listen!

You're such a powerful man

even ghosts must hear your words

A cigarette without a match

like forgetting toilet paper
after sh1tting

Where are you from?

I?

Can't you see I'm from Hong Kong?

There is very strict emigration rule

All trains and boats
are carefully inspected

How could you get out so easily?

Don't be so stupid!

I walked to Canton first, then came here

Really?

Doesn't it look like it?

I've dragged myself everywhere

from Tibet to Mongolia

My footprints are all over China!

I don't doubt your footprints
are as many

as your enemies!

That's true!

A man with my disposition

is bound to have enemies!

With a big mouth like yours

you could eat them bones and all!

You look like a serious guy
What's your job?

I'm a civil servant

Postman?

I've been ordered
to arrest the bandit Rolex

by the Central Surveillance Agency

I'm coded as agent No. 999

Wow!

A corpse!

Let me see!

It's only a rag!

We've landed now!

OK

But we're still far from shore!

The boat can't make it through the reefs

You must wade in!

Oh my god! Wade in?

How poor we are!

First I walked to Canton Let's go

If we have to walk to shore
other devices should be ready

What's wrong?

My watch is soaked!

Most people say thieves are ruthless

but I think police

aren't much different

Haven't you heard
'in all vice there's some virtue'?

Follow me and

you won't get lost

Huh! Swinging up there

must be a cool breeze!

Son of a b*tch!

You dare irritate me now?!

Think of some ways to cut me down!

Not bad...

Today must be my lucky day

What are you doing?

As soon as I got on that boat

I already planned to steal your purse

Now's a good opportunity!

You dare take my wallet?

I've got guts all right because

I'm descended from a line of thieves

Heard about it?

You b*stard!

Rest a little bit

Your worthless watch

is swinging about

Just like you are!

I'll let you keep it!

b*stard. Next time I see you

I'll tear you into pieces!

Son of a b*tch!

Wearing a silly mask and

making me roll in the dirt! Paah!

What kind of man is he anyway?

Hurry, someone came in!

Hurry up!

A stranger has just walked into town!

Yes, haven't seen him before!

Hurry up!

Now I've got you!

Old man, you're catching snakes?

Snake?

Idiot, when have you seen
such a big snake?!

Can't you tell a man with great bearing?

Taking my purse

won't be that easy!

Good smell!

Hey, don't leave!

Still leave?

You're just my type

Don't move!

Putting your a*s on my face?

I refuse to do it!

That hurts!

Oh, you like to play also!

Let's play together then!

Come on, baby! You play yourself

Spin around! Now you're a top!

Let's see where you'll go next!

You sneaky little guy!

Fainted at first sight?!

Hey, don't!

Let's go upstairs!

Come on, sweetheart!

Come back here!

Still go?

Mother!

Don't need mother. I'm here

Don't be afraid. Come back here!

I told you to be careful, sweetheart!

Help...

Save your energy

Save it so we can play for real!

Come here, baby! Come...

For real? Come, sweetheart

OK. Let's start

No! Why not? Don't be shy!

Here comes 'Vietnam Rose'

Good skin

I've got a cramp!

Very good

ltchy...

I've got syphilis!

Huh, so do I!

r*pe!...

Security office

Temple of Heaven's Sea

Fresh meat

Just walked in!

Is this the temple or police office?

You're here to worship or file a report?

Neither

I'm looking for the chief of police

Where are you from?

I want to see the chief

Don't be so nosy!

He even dares to talk back!

Get him!

Fatty, watch out for the b*llet!

Don't worry. I know what to do!

These g*ns are useless!

Let me handle him!

You idiot!

Damn dog!

You think all of you stand a chance?

Who's got a light?

I'm the chief!

You fight well. Who are you?

I work for

the Central Surveillance Agency

agent No.999

Surveillance?

You want to catch a bandit

called Rolex?

That's right!

He has a fist tattooed on his chest

Haven't seen that b*stard for ages
hard to find him

A rat sooner or later goes for the bait

I think I'll catch him!

Has stopped being a bandit

My mother said

once a thief is always a thief!

Every criminal

should be brought to justice

You look like an honest man

so let me tell you

Lately I saw somebody

that looked like your Rolex
in the slaughter house

Really?

I'm busy so I can't go with you!
No need!

That's ok

I'm used to working alone

You're on your own

Please direct me to the slaughter house

Huh? Slaughter house?

Sorry, didn't know you're blind!

Even though I'm blind

I can still walk!

Forget it! I'll find it myself!

No! It would be my

pleasure to take men to

the slaughter house

Here it is!

You're awake?

This place...
This is my house!

And I?
You're unconscious by my doorstep

And you?
I live here alone

What's that?

How's it smell?

I've never tasted such rich soup

How'd you make it?

It's from a very deep, hot fire-pot

Of course it's good!

You said you live alone...

Oh, those clothes

belonged to my deceased father

I noticed your coat was torn

So I brought those out for you to wear

What's that sound?

They're holding a funeral service

Only your spirit

can fathom life's brevity

Life's but a dream

Only the dead see reality

Fated to die today

Thoughts of tomorrow bring futility

Once you're in hell

pleasure and riches lack utility!

Priest!...

Priest!...

Priest!...

What's wrong?

Forget the service

and find the chief

I'm too busy to find him!

Have the service another day!

We don't have food now

All you can't even catch one guy

You're a crock of monkeys

Without hardship, you surely manage well

a little trouble and you fall apart!

How can you call yourself my aid?

In our line of work

if you don't eat people
they'll eat you!

If you don't beat them
they'll beat you!

You really think we should quit?

We've followed a crooked path too long

and caused a lot of sufferings

It's time to go straight

What do you intend to do?

One must fight to survive

All men are either thieves

or police

Being common is a tough job

Before a thief, now I prefer

to fight for justice

I scold you and you just mumble

That son-of-a-b*tch

fights too well!

That's true!

Bullshit!

What do you mean he fights well?

If he's that good

you all wouldn't be standing here

waiting for me to beat you!

Chie...

If he's that good

I'll fix him myself

Chief!

Chief!...

Look how stupid you look!

Either speak up, or fart it out!

Chief, I'm representing the people

to discuss with you
the rationing of the meat

What's there to discuss?

If there's meat, it'll be portioned!

Chief, that's what they want to discuss

They want it to be divided more fairly

Fairly?

So they think their share is unfair?

They think they're not getting enough?

Getting less, huh?

Then tell them to hunt for themselves!

Don't talk too much

Get back to the funeral service!

Yes, Chief!

How do you feel now?

Just glad that I'm still alive

How long have you lived here?

I was born here

And you? Jiang-Men

What you came here for?

I'm here to arrest a bandit

Have you caught him yet?

I haven't caught a thief, but

I got attacked by fiends instead

You call people fiends

what about yourself?

I think Rolex was expecting me

so he hired men to k*ll me

My ill luck to have injured my spine

Someone attacked you?

Really?

Don't pull my leg, 999!

Who's pulling your leg?

I'm a serious man

You look serious, but

look won't make a believer out of me

You ape! Maybe you're chief of police here

but if you're trying to pull rank on me

you'll soon find that

you're outranked and outclassed!

What's going on?

Nothing at all

Nothing?

Then why is that alarm being sound?

Your report is more important now

Get to the cafeteria!

I'll take care of this man's affair

Chief!

My back's itching!

What's wrong?...

I'm itchy as hell!

Skin-disease?

Oh, I understand then!

Seeing you so uneasy

you should go home and rest

Tomorrow I give you some good ointment

Huh, you both have the same problem?

Yesterday it was crowded, now it's vacant

Neither man or beast to be found here

I wonder where the meat came from?

Stop!

Hurry up!

I like it

Who asked me to cook for you

Hurry! We're starving!

Don't argue! You make me uneasy! Just eat!

Look like you've never had a meat before

Tastes great!

Your skin's so smooth

What kind of soap do you use?

Keep your hands to yourself!

Even if my hands don't move

my heart can't help

I won't eat it!

He won't eat...

We eat!

Things like that take time!

None of your business!

Forget it! Let's eat!

You look very uneasy

What's wrong?

No. 999, I've got a secret to disclose

A secret?

In this village, everyone eats...

Catch him!

Get him!

I've come to file a report

Get away!

That guy?

Where'd he go?

Huh, where's he?

Where's he gone?

He mustn't escape

Catch him!...

You're all useless. Let me handle him!

This time I've got you!

This time I've got you!

I've really come to file a report!

I saw someone being m*rder*d!

m*rder?

Don't fabricate

I...

What'd you say?

Something about a m*rder?

We'll have to talk about that

Pick him up!

You troublemaker!

Just wait and see

Cheat us?!

You have today

Someone told me you refuse to eat again

Aren't you hungry?

I have ulcers, so I can't eat

Take care of your health

Rolex...

No. 999 wants to arrest you

Under cool clouds on a rainy eve

midnight is a lonely hour

All's quiet in the jailhouse- then

the wind brings the toll of distant bells

waking me from my dreams

Coming to sweep the floor?

Sweep over here

Sweep the floor

Come, open the door

Open it!

Both adults and kids carry knives

This whole damn town!

Can't help!

Trying to steal food?

Your sister's calling you!

Sister!

Thank god I've got you!

I can't compete with all of them

If not you

I'd starve to death

Why don't you eat then?

You know what to do, right?

It's you again!

What's wrong?

I've got to tell you something

Why right this minute?

I'll tell you a secret

Stay where you are!

Sorry

I didn't know you're shy

I don't like people to watch me bathing

Hurry, speak your mind!

You must first promise me something

Not to arrest Rolex

Why not?

Because the secret I'll tell you

is more valuable than arresting him!

Speak up them!

This town is full of people who

eat the bones of others!

This whole world

is full of men like that

I mean everyone here's a cannibal

The slaughter-house you saw

is where they butcher the victims

Really?

That's right

Wait. Why don't you want me
to arrest Rolex?

Because I'm Rolex!

You're Rolex?

That's quite a secret

You had me attacked at the slaughter-house

Now you're making tales to deceive me

You think I'm that simple-minded?

I've stopped being a thief for a long time

I've been hunting you for a long time

Rolex, let's see where you'll run to now!

Stop complaining!

Keep quiet. Stop arguing!

So what?...

Listen to me!

What about... Shut up!

This...

I really don't know what to say!

Shut up! Anything you say's useless

Before we elected you as our governor

you made us suffer

Even as our priest

You can't cope with the police force

We don't have anything to eat

Your position is getting fragile!

I know that!

What's the use of knowing!

Everyone should get an equal share

Aren't you now getting a share?

What else do you want?

Last time I got less than a little finger

I'm even worse off

I suck a baby's teether

and don't even get a pubic hair

The police should care for us

but they don't

They're deriving us of good food!

No argue. Fight!

Calm down!

You think clearly

Now we don't have enough rice to eat

How could we have strength to fight?

Your left hand can't even
hit the right one

Am I right?

We want to eat flesh!

Who is it?

I

Who is 'I'?

Oh, it's you!

You scared me!

I thought someone was following me

What are you doing?

Searching you! Spread your legs

We scholars don't like to deceive

One can only deceive oneself

Turn around! Hold it

What's this?

A bookmarker

How could a bookmarker be so thick

thicker than the book?

You should know that

we scholars like exaggerations!

You use a book to hide some meat

so that others won't suspect

It must be stolen!

Brother!

One has to survive

Survive?

I'll take you to see the Chief

You can't do that!

If you report me

I'll be k*lled for sure

You're a scholar, so you should've

heard 'a man's knees are like gold'

You kneel down so quickly

aren't you afraid of devaluation?

Don't forget 'lmpatience spoils planning'

Still save face?!

You're lucky I'm too busy now

What a coincidence!

I'm also busy tonight

We'll have to discuss it later

Don't you want your meat?

First, you've got to tell me

where the Chief's aid is

OK

Where is he?

Walk straight

There's a small hut on your left

Go in and you'll see him for sure

What about my marker?

It's you again?

That's right!

Have you seen Rolex?

Who's Rolex?

He's the Chief's aid

Oh, you mean him!

What do you want him for?

He's a bandit, and I'm to arrest him

How do you know he's a bandit?

He has a fist tattooed on his chest

Chest? You mean right here?

That's right!

What're you doing?

I think you're too weak to catch him

Are you strong enough?

If I'm not strong, then few people are

Really? You aren't lying, are you?

I don't think he's here

I'm leaving!

Don't you still want to catch him?

You know where he is?

I can tell you but

you must allow me one favor

What favor?

I have a cousin whom

I've lost contact

He has a red mole on his back

I've looked many years for him

I want to look at your back

I don't have a red mole there

You wouldn't notice it yourself

I also don't have any cousins

Maybe you have but don't know

OK! You won't let me look, so forget it!

I won't tell you where to find him!

Alright! I'll let you look

Well, there's no red mole?

What're you doing?

Cousin...

Don't come nearer

What're you doing? Get out!

Go away Cousin...

Cousin... What're you doing?

Watch him! I'm going to take a rest

Don't steal any food!

If so, I'll k*ll you!

What are you doing?

I really can't figure you people out

What are you up to?

I'm here to save you!

Save me? Who are you?

I'm the Chief's aid

What? Cannibalism?

That's right!

I thought this place seemed weird

That's for sure!

This world of ours is

full of cannibals

It all depends on what you call food

It's lucky you saved me or

I'd be a beef stew now!

Where're you going?

I'm getting out fast before!

Why staying here?

Sit still!

I want to tell you something

You haven't finished yet?

No, not yet

Then talk!

What can we do about these cannibals?

What can we do? Get the hell out!

You couldn't escape even if you wanted to

As a team we could make it

Get rid of the Chief

By k*lling him, then

We can escape!

Forget it!

Can you beat him?

I think I can

I've never done a good deed yet

This is my first attempt

If I succeed

the name Rolex

will go down on history!

I've never done a good deed either

and I don't want to spoil a good record!

You have to do it

because I've saved your life

Then please k*ll me now!

Better to die in one piece

than to be torn apart

and eaten alive

How will you cross the river
without a boat?

Boat? You mean there's no boat?

There is, but

I'll only tell you where's hidden

if you agree to help me!

Until then, two of us are

doomed!

Who is it?

Your assistant!

Come in!

Why are you here so late?

I've got to talk to you!

What's so important?

'KING OEDIPUS'

Even you type can cry?

Since I was appointed chief

I haven't made one friend

You couldn't understand the loneliness?

In my position, I'm sure

you'd feel the same

Don't waste your breath

Just k*ll him

Don't tell me about human nature

go speak to the Devil!

Don't...

Don't

Wake up! What?

Listen, what's that noise?

The chief's having sex!

What's all the noise?

Damn irritating! How can I sleep?

That excited?!

Wake up!

The chief's having sex!

Having sex?! That noisy?!

Too noisy!

Don't be so loud!

Hurry, they're coming!

Hurry, here they come!

Chief, what's going on?

Get him!

He's using 'chimney technique'

'Chimney technique'?

I only wish I could

I just pretend

I can't make it!

Get him!

Higher!

Add another man!

Catch him!...

Catch him!

Shut up

Stand on his shoulders
Get down! Stand on your chicken-brain!

Get him quick!

You're all idiots!

Go!...

You got him?...

Find him?

Find clearly...

You four-eyed rat

always steal my food

If I get my hands on you

I'll make you into stew

b*stard!

That tickle! Stop it!

What's tickling me?

Tonight I'm so unlucky!

Chair's broken and the tea's cold!

Damn it!...

I want to piss!

I know you're here

You can't fool me

Don't go!

Damn you!

Next time I see you

I'll k*ll you!

I'll k*ll you instead!

Huh, a stage curtain?

Where's the chief's aid?

He's dead

No. 999, I'll give you this Rolex

as a souvenir!

No thanks, chief!

As for the case of Rolex...

I'll report this to my head of department

and get a rich reward

I'll be on my way!

However, this town is all screwed up...

and won't be easy to fix-up

Eileen!

Eileen!

Eileen!

Eileen!

Where's she gone?

Let's see who you are!

It's you!

Catch him! Get him!

You're hitting the wrong guy!

It's me! You're hitting...

This dog! I'll k*ll him myself!

Then eat him raw!

Stop complaining!

Argue for what?

Sounds like a pig being butchered!

Get her out of here!

I know what to do!

Go! Take her out of here!

Arguing for what?...

What's the argument!

When will our food be ready for eating?

You b*tch!

Sister!

Didn't I tell you?!

If you were disloyal to me...

No! I wasn't disloyal!

Go to hell!

You dare say you weren't with this dog?

You think I don't know about that?

Being good to you is a waste of time!

You take me for a fool!

Think I need to sympathize with you?

Chief, that hurts!

Hurt, huh?

I'll give all my heart to you!

Really?

But...

would you fool with him?

I wouldn't dare!

Now tell me truly

who's more handsome, he or I?

You're more handsome!

Did you hear that?

Grab her!

I'll fix her later!

Why is he talking Eileen?

You can leave now!

Chief, what about your hearts?

I'll feed you my farts

It's all your fault

It's you again?

That's right!

I've come to save you!

Come out

Who let that dog go?

Go catch him!

I forgot I can't swim!

Save me!...

What a pain in the a*s you are!

We made it!

You're ok now?

I can't stand!

Can't stand? You've still got to move!

You again?

You two again?

You seem to be able
to do every business!

How did you two got on this side?

Forget it! Just cook me some noodles!

Me too!

What's wrong?

A fish scale

This type of dish doesn't use fish

It's not fish congee!

A fingernail!

Is it a fingernail or toenail?

Mother! Save me!

I'm going to die!...



Will No. 998 and 997 come to save us?

We don't have that many agents

I was only bullshitting!

But you must have a partner

and he must know where you are

Unfortunately, they're also busy

and don't listen well to orders

Then we'll die for sure

We'll both be
part of shrimp noodles soon!



Now we'll boil your pig's head!

So you pretend to be a good kid?!

Let's see what your game is!

Don't go! Hold it!

I mean no harm!

I'm not a cannibal!

You still say you're harmless?

How come you thought to k*ll me in jail?

No. I was planning to save you!

You wanted to save me?

It seemed more like
you wanted to k*ll me!

I really wanted to save you!

You still say the same? You...

You big wh*re!

Let go or I'll hurt you!

She's dead!

Using that pole, who'd survive?

No one's around! Let's split!

Not yet! We have to save someone!

Save someone?

Eileen!

Yes, she's been arrested by the Chief

Why?

The Chief said she had sex with him!

You...

While in jail, Rolex saved me

Yesterday I saved you

Now this kid saves both of us

then asks us to save his sister

When we all get caught

someone will have to save us

When's this game

ever going to stop?

Regardless all, we must save her!

With everyone about, is it safe now?

Right! This way we must k*ll many!

You think
cutting up this woman will work?

It has to work!

There're few new tricks in life

If so, they're only old ones in disguise

Take courage

When we get to the cafeteria

stay behind me and you'll be safe

All your sweet-talk is useless

I can talk big too!

Can 999 alone save my sister?

Don't worry! We're also taking a risk!

Stay calm Stop complaining!...

Here comes the food!

Meat!

This time we'll get a portion!

Be patient!



Plaster-powder!

Come here!

I'm not afraid of you!

Come here if you dare!

You can't see me!

I'm over here!

I can't see either!

They're stuck in!

They're all in!

How come such a small portion?

Little is better than none!

It's larger before!

You're lucky. Mine's much smaller!

What? It's a dog's leg!

I can't eat dog meat!

Hurry, light the fire crackers!

Don't touch
those sacred ancestral epitaphs!

But I like to touch them! Catch!

Mother!

This one's yours!

Master Hwang! Oh, no!

Catch him!

Don't throw it to me!

Hurry, close the doors!

Catch this

k*ll!...

From where in 'duck's hell'
have you arrived?

I've come
to collect a few bodies

You think
I can't see through your disguise?



Where is he?

Two gods of old formed a pact

to slaughter all the fiends in hell

I, the one with the crescent blade

begin the butchering anew

Take note! I've k*lled not few

The next victim, of course, is you!

Heaven's blade
strikes the guard at hell's gate

Don't k*ll the wrong guard

Better k*ll all suspects
and get your man

You look more like sh*t than a god!

I'll send you to hell!

You don't even look like a devil

You look like Lincoln!

Lincoln?

I'll cut you into pieces

Let's go! Hurry!

Hurry! Let's go!

Hey, look!

Come on!

Hurry, it's over there!

Where's the boat?

It's a raft! Hurry! Get on!

Push off!

Sister!

Help!

I'll save you!

My god!

I can't do it!

Help!

Huh? Sister!

Just look at this heart!