OK!
Don't know how many of you
are new and how many of you
have been with us
from the start,
but I am Laura Hollis.
Yes, the Laura Hollis
who recently got famous, or...
"internet famous"
because my university pals and I
vlogged ourselves
saving the world.
See, back in my freshman year,
we discovered
that our Austrian university
was actually being
run by an evil dean
and her vampire cult.
Naturally.
They'd been sacrificing girls
to this...
monstrous creature
under the campus
for centuries, and I was next.
Really should've
gone to that safety school.
Anyway....
The dean sent Carmilla.
I'm your new roommate,
sweetheart.
A 300-year old vampire
with a checkered past
and centuries worth of victims
to kidnap me.
There was just one little snag
with that plan.
Carm and I fell in love.
Carm turned her back
on the evil dean,
and with a little help
from our friends,
Laf, Perry, Kirsch,
Mel and Danny,
we saved the school...
...and the world.
For stopping the apocalypse,
Carm earned herself
a magical, human life.
A vampire no more!
A chance to...
start again and leave
the crimes of her past behind,
and for us to figure out...
...whatever happens next.
OK...
Weird.
Old-timey and weird.
Hello?
Ghost lady?
- You're wearing my brooch.
- Oh, Carm!
Did I scare you, my pet?
You think, sneaking around
dressed like Lizzie Borden?
Wait...
Why are you dressed
like Lizzie Borden?
You mustn't be afraid.
Why would I be afraid?
We shall die as lovers may.
Die together...
...so that we may live together.
Welcome back, Cream Puff.
I think your horror movies
are giving me nightmares.
Oh, well...
Life's rough
like that sometimes.
Come on!
How long does it take
to k*ll one limping teenager?
Is this guy on a coffee break?
Get in the car!
So, what happened?
Did you get scooped up
by that talking goat again?
No. I dreamed you
were a vampire.
It was very...
blast from your
gothic horror past.
There was this old house,
and then you...
...then you were actually
kind of scary.
I hurt you?
In a dream.
Come on, it was probably a...
subconscious fascination
with Victorian murders.
- Or, uh... corsets.
- Mmm!
Well, no need to go
digging around in the past.
We have it much better now.
No arguments here.
So long, hammer horror!
Hello, rom-com.
How now, brown cow.
How now, brown cow!
Happy anniversary,
faithful viewers!
I know. I know, I know, I know.
I'm behind on my posts,
but I would never miss this,
because five years ago today,
a rag-tag bunch of
undergraduates stopped the dean
of their evil university
from unleashing hell on earth!
Or... mostly stopped. You can't
really blame us for Antarctica.
And where are they now,
you might ask?
Well, let's check in
with a very special
five-year retrospective.
And then we will cut to...
First up is Lafontaine
and Perry, who,
as you'll recall, transferred
to occult studies at Berkeley
and then started Laferry
Industries, where they've
been revolutionizing
life with the supernatural
with products like their hemo-
soy vegan vampire supplements
ever since. They've got
this huge meeting
with a megacorporation that
wants to buy their start-up.
I'm so proud!
Speaking of super-successful
people, you guys remember Danny,
my lit TA turned stalwart ally
turned repentant vampire
has turned into...
a vampire rights advocate.
And what retrospective
would be complete
without a look at
how Mel and Kirsch and I
leveraged our amateur coverage
of the almost apocalypse
into a career in local news.
And if you're morbidly curious,
here are some clips!
Today, we explore the fast-paced
world of floral arrangements.
Cranberry bannock.
Ceramic cephalopod.
So... yeah.
I've not quite
achieved Lois Lane-dom.
But never fear!
It is all part
of my five-year plan.
Yeah. Um...
after Carm and I took
our glorious gap year,
it was time to start real life.
So, we moved home to TO.
I finished my degree,
stuck my foot in the door.
Now, I'm just waiting
for my big break,
busting open some huge Woodward
and Bernstein-style scandal
and being moved up
to the city desk.
Admittedly, I have been...
waiting a while for that one.
But, uh, you know,
that's what you do in life.
You pay your dues.
Unless you're a former vampire
with 300 years of sunshine
and culinary history
to catch up on.
So, what has our Carm been up to
as a living, breathing human?
She's definitely taking
advantage of ye olde
vampire trust fund.
Bakery-based gluttony: check.
Sun-tanning sloth: check.
I-have-a-pulse-now lust.
Well...
Actually, I can't really
complain about that last one.
Yeah.
Unless you count
starring in my spooky dreams,
it's been a bit more pastry
than purpose lately.
But... today's retrospective
is all about perspective.
We are going to get our heroine
back on track.
But... where to start
such a conversation?
Where else?
With dessert! Ha ha!
Mmm...
Have you been baking?
Happy re-birthday!
It's a...
like a...
like a birthday,
but for your rebirth...
because...
five years ago,
you got a life.
Not like a '90s "Get a life!"
but you know, um...
- Literally.
- Hm.
How very Lewis Carroll.
So...
speaking of five years,
I was thinking that we
could talk about five years
in the other direction.
'Cause you've been
through a lot.
Not just Silas,
but... death.
And the French Revolution.
So... it's completely
understandable that you're
- feeling a little lost.
- Lost?
OK, maybe not lost, but...
maybe a little...
...aimless.
Laura, are you
staging an intervention
because you think
I'm wasting my life?
No!
Maybe.
It's just...
You aren't immortal anymore.
And I know that you
want to make the most
- of our lives together...
- Is there something wrong
with those lives being fun?
No...
but I think it's possible
to have fun and...
And did I go to that
supernatural therapist?
One time.
You said you couldn't
take advice
from someone born
after the moon landing.
Mhm.
And do I pester you
because you would rather
spend your days
in a news cubicle
instead of on a beach
in the South of France?
No, you don't. It's just...
It's just...
you like making plans,
and I love that about you.
But...
I don't know.
It's my re-birthday.
So...
I wanna spend it
enjoying our lives.
Preferably...
somewhere with a... patio
and an extensive wine selection.
And chocolates.
Carm?
Shh...
You're dreaming.
Oh.
Right.
You are mine.
You shall be mine.
You and I are one...
...forever.
Something tells me
I'm gonna like this dream.
CARM! What are you doing?!
CARM!
Hey! Hey!
It's me! It's me!
Laura, your neck...
Oh, God!
What is going on?
Have you been in close
proximity to any vampires
or vampire by-products
in the past two or three months?
Oh, you mean when a Sumerian
goddess turned me again
last week? Must've
slipped my mind.
I see the sarcasm
hasn't suffered.
Thanks for taking time out
of your meeting prep to help us.
- For you guys... anything.
- Of course.
We're probably over-prepared.
Something's definitely off
with Carm.
For those of us
without a fancy cyborg eye?
Right. Um...
This is Carm, and she's,
well, dead except...
Except the resurrection spell
is still running inside her,
- making her a living human.
- It makes her heart beat,
hair grow, and all
the other things
- a regular human body does.
- Yeah, like a magic battery.
I thought we agreed
we wouldn't call it that.
My vote's still
with "life force".
- No, that's even worse.
- Ooh! What about, um,
- what about your spark?
- Hm! Does pretty much work
- like an ignition.
- Spark it is!
- Spark, spark, spark!
- I hope
you're enjoying yourselves.
Uh...
Carmilla's spark is going out.
- What's wrong with it?
- It's producing a sort
of electrical discharge
that's making it flicker,
and since it's
what's keeping her human,
- when it flickers, she...
- Vamps out.
OK, so...
How do we get my...
..."spark" to stop flickering?
We'll have to run
some more tests.
And in the meantime, Carm just
keeps randomly vamping out?
What are we supposed
to do about that?
Ow!
First of all, she's jazzed.
Like, "Oh, there'll be
blueberry pie, right?
I'm into the bluebs."
And then to top it all off,
I get to the fridge,
and he's just...
Carm?
You OK?
Sure, just... grappling
with an aversion to daylight
and cravings for blood.
Hey...
Laf is gonna
figure something out.
I know, it's just...
this was supposed
to be done.
You know...
the bloodlust,
the self-loathing,
the sleeping tied to a chair
in my own bedroom.
That one might be overkill.
You've never had a problem
controlling yourself before.
Unless you count
dream Carm chasing me
through discount
Transylvania all...
"You are mine.
You shall be mine."
Wait. What did you just say?
"You are mine.
You shall be mine.
You and I are
one forever."
Carm, what is going on?
It was just some
silly Dracu-poetry
my brain coughed up
for atmosphere.
What are you looking for?
That house.
This is where
Elle and I lived.
Was this the manor
in your dreams?
So this place Laura's been
dreaming about, the manor,
- it's real?
- Not just the manor.
Carm thinks that,
from what I'm describing,
the house, the clothes,
what she says -
that I'm dreaming things
that really happened...
...150 years ago...
...to Elle.
Am I supposed to know
who Elle is?
Elle, the girl Carm
turned on her mother
and stopped being evil for?
That wasn't Laura?
Carmilla's epic first love?
Also not Laura?
Remember our first year
at Silas, those weird dreams
- I was having?
- Only they weren't dreams,
they were warnings
from Carm's...
So you think the dreams
are from Elle?
Didn't she like, sparkle off
into floaty white nothingness
after Carmilla k*lled
the giant angler fish god?
How is that a sentence
I end up saying?
Only one way to find out.
We go back to the scene
of the crime.
If it's ghosts we can test
the new spectrometer...
- Carm?
- Ooh! Then off-ty off we go!
Yeah. I'm...
gonna go crack
another bottle of hemo-soy.
Hey.
I'm sorry about the whole
"scene of the crime" thing.
I know what happened between
you and Elle was complicated.
- I shouldn't have said that.
- No...
the scene of the crime
is exactly what it is.
You saw those dreams.
You know I...
...hurt her.
Hurt you.
You didn't mean to.
Maybe there's a silver lining
in all of this.
If this is Elle trying
to warn us about something,
maybe you can... help her.
I'm done being a vampire.
I'm done dredging up
the past. I'm... done
with well-meaning
therapists saying,
"Close your eyes and think
of those you've wronged
while I light up
this funky incense."
That's right.
We have plans, and goals.
And a colour-coded chart,
none of which features
some... mystery
from your past stealing
the life that you earned.
So we are gonna figure out
who or what is doing this,
and then we are gonna...
- Gruesomely m*rder them...
- Stop them.
We're goin' back to Styria.
- Where are we going?
- Styria!
- Why are we going?
- To stop Carm
- from re-vamping!
- OK, but really,
why go to the bad place
with the monsters?
Because of Elle's
manor. It's in my dreams.
It's all connected. And it's
our only lead! Ha ha!
Ooh, schnitzel!
How much farther
'til we get to this place!?
It's just...
Right around the corner.
Oh, yeah! That's cool, Laura.
I got your bag. Yeah.
You don't have to do this
if you don't want.
You can just stay here
if it's too much.
Hm. And leave you alone
to explore the mystery mansion?
Hard pass.
Hello?
Hellooo?
Knock knock?
Elle's manor's pretty cool.
I guess, if you dig
the Herring Hall vibe.
Hello?
Anybody?
I'm calling it. This place
is totally haunted.
You don't know that!
Maybe it's just... creaky.
It's a lovely example
of a 19th-centry schloss.
Ha. Schloss.
This is exactly like my dream.
It's beautiful.
I mean, abandoned and dusty,
but... beautiful.
Oh, well, we can
deal with the dust.
Tell me you did not
bring an entire bag
- of cleaning supplies.
- Of course I did.
Do you know what dust
does to expensive equipment?
We have EMF detectors, Geiger
counters, various spectrometers.
You didn't think maybe
we'd need some actual weapons?
Well, knowledge
is really less...
Pretty sure weapons
are the best weapon.
Look at this princess.
Carbon-fibre limbs,
80-pound draw weight,
capable of sh**ting
160 feet per second.
I call her...
Gertrude.
- How excessive.
- Excessive?
Do you remember senior year?
You were possessed
by Carmilla's mom, the evil god
who forced the entire student
body - including me - to dig a pit
to the literal gates of Hell. Or
how about that time Lafontaine
got brain-sucked by the giant
angler fish monster?
Or how about the time
that the evil baron
tried to execute Carmilla?
Or that time that Laura sorta,
- kinda, I don't know, died?
- We do have
a lot of back story.
Fine.
- Fine. Haunted.
- Tell me at least
- you two packed some heat?
- Uh, I know Krav Maga.
I am a weapon.
I brought walkie-talkies
and flashlights for everyone.
There's no cell service
out here.
- They're gonna come in handy.
- How about you, Jughead?
Oh. Vincent Van Bro
brought beer.
- Is that her?
- Yeah.
- Let's search this place!
- For a girl
who died 150 years ago?
Better not keep her waiting.
- Is that you?
- It was.
We should be safe to push the meeting
to next week, don't you think?
Do we have to talk
about this right now?
The single most important
meeting of our careers?
Per, we are searching
a haunted castle for ghosts.
This is literally the reason
we started the company.
- But if we had more resources...
- Hold on, I think I got a hit.
No, it's gone now.
Well, now, see, as part
of Intrigue, we'd have all
the equipment, we could scan
the house in like, two seconds!
Yeah. I get it, but we're not
selling out right this second.
So can we focus
on the task at hand?
Let's check out
the next room.
Looking forward to seeing her?
Elle, I mean?
I wouldn't blame you
if you were.
Honestly, I'd rather not.
What am I supposed to say?
Sorry I lied to you
and sacrificed you
to a giant fish monster?
I doubt there's a Hallmark card.
It wasn't all your fault.
I told her these
were gonna come in handy!
Ghosts! The schloss
is full of ghosts!
GHOST! Ghost!
- Everyone, come on! Come on!
- Haunted house!
- Totally called it!
- Where do we go?!
- Go!
- Holy crap! Oh, crap!
- Go, go! - Perry, do something!
- Go, go, go, go!
- God, it's stuck!
- Come on!
Ghosts! Ghosts!
Guys! Guys!
- Let me out!
- Oh! Oh!
- Ooh!
- Uh, guys...
Um...
Hi.
I'm Laura. These
are my friends...
and we'd be thrilled
if you'd abandon your plans
to gruesomely m*rder us.
Hello, Miss Karnstein.
Hello...
Wait. I know you.
How do I know you?
Oh, dear.
Well, this is awkward.
We imagined you'd recall...
k*lling us.
I'm Charlotte.
This is my sister, Emily.
- Carmilla k*lled you?
- Oh... no, not quite, exactly.
Her mother did
the actual deed.
You're the girls
who were sacrificed
to the Deep One.
Yes.
We are the victims
of Carmilla Karnstein...
...and we'd like
to invite you to dinner.
It's wonderful that you've
all been able to join us.
And naturally, we're so glad
you've arrived in time.
We've been waiting for weeks.
- For us?
- For Miss Karnstein.
We hoped once she realized
what had happened, she'd return.
Hold up. Did you just confess
to flipping the vampire switch
on our girl Carm here?
Oh. Goodness, no.
We couldn't have.
What little research
we have been able to perform
suggests it was Miss Karnstein's
life force that pulled us
into the physical world.
Until a few weeks ago,
we were trapped in a
nightmare land, doomed
to endlessly repeat
our greatest regret.
This nightmare afterlife, is
it more of a Jungian-unconscious
or a through-the-looking-glass-
to-hell situation?
Stop that!
It's not polite to pry
into other people's
- unspeakable suffering.
- Why would you be connected
- to Carmilla's human life?
- Ah.
We think it might be
because it was
- Miss Karnstein who...
- She's the reason we died.
Yes.
The family here offered my
sister and I a place to lodge.
They neglected to mention
the vampire cult.
Same thing happened with
my college acceptance letter.
You said you knew the family.
Does that mean
that you knew Elle?
Miss Sheridan.
Ah. Yes. We knew her.
- But she isn't here with you?
- No.
She isn't with us.
But...
we're thrilled that you are!
OK. That's it.
What's with the Stepford act?
I got you and
your sister k*lled.
Yes, but you're here now.
And according to
this spell book,
we need you,
Carmilla, here
to perform the ritual
that will let us move on.
I don't suppose
I could take a crack
- at deciphering the book?
- Oh!
Please, do. I've
deciphered what I can,
but I'm hardly
an adept. Ah...
From what I can tell,
if we move on,
your vampire symptoms
will go away.
I assume that's why
you've come?
Haven't you?
Because otherwise, you'd be
trapped here with us forever.
So, they're obviously evil.
I thought they
were kind of nice!
More importantly,
is this ritual of theirs
even gonna fix me?
- It looks promising.
- Promising?
Are you telling me you were
possessed by an evil goddess
- for like six months and...
- Eight. It was eight months.
...and you can't get
more specific than that?
The whole book
is written in code,
but... if Emily's
notes are correct,
it seems as though
it's two birds, one stone.
The ghosts move on,
Carmilla stays human.
That makes sense. When I
scanned them, the energy
from your spark was
going straight to them.
For all we know, they lured us
in and trapped us here. Are we
- seriously gonna trust them?
- What happened to them
wasn't their fault.
They were girls,
just like you or me, with
their whole lives ahead of them.
If this ritual helps them
and keeps Carm human,
we have to try it.
- Sweet! Is that a Gameboy?
- Even better.
It's an EMF alarm.
Might be nice
to get a heads up
if any ghosts come calling.
Listen, Per, about before...
Oh, I'm glad we postponed
the meeting.
- You are?
- With all the data
we've collected here,
we're in a much stronger
bargaining position.
Really, Per?
I know this is the big leagues,
but why are you so pumped
to sell our company?
Do you even know
what I do all day
while you're off playing
in your little lab?
I balance our budgets,
get our products approved,
handle the reckless endangerment
lawsuits.
I mean, at Intrigue,
there'd be a...
Ahem.
There'd be
a legal department, Laf.
I see.
And, uh, by playing,
you mean the research
that makes our company possible?
- Oh, that is not fair and...
- You know what?
I'm too tired to deal
with this right now.
Oh, man! We k*lled
my sandwich.
Too tee abal too tee!
Five second rule.
Have we or have we not
had multiple conversations
about not wandering away
in the haunted house?
I know. It's just,
the ghost ladies are so nice.
And you know how I feel
about leftovers.
Kirsch, if your stomach
gets me dragged
into some kind of black-girl-
dies-first bullshit...
I am going to come back from the
dead and haunt your bar fridge.
They aren't going
to go along with it.
They'll get caught up
in the surprise! You'll see.
It will all come out
exactly as we planned.
Why aren't we just telling them about...
Ugh. This again? Really?
You would do well,
little sister, to finish...
We live for the eternal
moment, chérie.
We are power.
Faites attention, chérie.
You would do well,
little sister,
to finish your task here
without further delay.
Did you ever think
that our part in this...
...that what we do might be...
...unforgivable?
You must stop reading
the romantics!
We live for the eternal
moment, chérie!
We are power, pleasure...
...and are only accountable
for our desires.
And Mama, who
is growing impatient.
Faites attention, chérie.
Votre mère vous met en garde
contre l'assassin.
You're wearing
the brooch.
No!
I don't want to go back!
Hey...
You all right?
Another nightmare.
You and Maddie
were talking, and...
she said something
about an assassin
and then these paper dolls
disintegrated and...
I don't know. It seemed more
coherent when it was happening.
Wait, you're still
having those dreams?
But we're here. I mean...
Why would you still
be having them, unless...
Something else is going on.
Knocking. Still not a thing.
The Hunger wanted a midnight
snack and while he was
getting it, we caught
our ghostesses talking
about some kind of surprise
that we aren't gonna like
and sneaking into a locked room.
So, they're hiding
something. Or someone.
Hiding something?!
How could we possibly...
- What's behind the door?
- Why should that concern you?
Maybe I don't like surprises.
You look like a woman
who can cope.
This could all be
easily resolved by just
showing us what's behind
- door number one.
- Of course.
If you insist, but...
you'll ruin the surprise.
We'll risk it.
We'd kinda like to know
if you're planning to...
...to throw a party?
- To thank you for helping us.
- You're throwing a party?
The ritual can't be performed
until the Ash Moon begins,
and Emily always
loved to dress up.
I can't imagine you're a slouch
in that department either.
- You can't be serious.
- I think it's sweet!
It's like a pre-ritual,
going away party...
before they go away.
- Permanently.
- Exactly, and...
...we would be honoured
if you would attend.
Yeah, of course!
Oh, my gosh.
Ball gowns? Are we gonna
get our Strictly Ballroom on?!
Best haunting ever!
How's it
goin' in there?
BBC period dramas
do not spend enough time on
how complicated
these clothes are.
I swear I've been in here
for 40 minutes.
Hey, thanks for going along
with this, by the way.
Well, what's to go along with?
I like canapes
- as much as the next girl.
- Still...
can't be fun
hanging out with your...
- Former victims?
- No matter how nice they are.
Yeah, well, I'd appreciate it
if they took it down a notch.
You'd prefer a roaring rampage
of revenge?
Yeah. All this forgiveness
is making me twitchy.
Do you think maybe
that's 'cause, deep down,
you still don't think
you can be forgiven?
I see we've reached the
amateur psychoanalysis round.
See, this is why I
blew off that therapist.
You know, some things are just
too much to talk about in an
office full of crystal dolphins.
Do you think maybe that's
the point of the talking?
Yeah, except it
wasn't just talking.
There was this manifes...
You aren't saying anything.
Did I put it on wrong?
I look ridiculous.
I do. I look ridiculous. I...
40 minutes to get you
into that, huh?
Bet I could get you
out of it faster....
We're already gonna
be late for the ball.
So let us be late.
♪ Love
I'm coming.
Looking good, bruv!
- What?
- May I have this dance?
Come on.
Sorry about the way
I handled things last night.
That's all right. I know
you didn't mean any of it.
I may have been a bit harsh,
that doesn't mean I was wrong.
Let's not fight in front
of the ghosts, honey.
It's not your thing
either, huh?
Emily has always
wanted to belong to society.
I understood
life differently.
If you have to conform,
you never belonged.
OK. How did you fall
for Vampirella's schtick?
I didn't.
My sister vanished.
I went looking for her.
She's never
forgiven herself.
What about you?
I didn't leave her then...
How could I now?
You wanna try
this stupid dance?
Obviously.
This is nice.
Kinda like that grad ball
we never got
'cause our school
was a supernatural death trap.
I missed this.
I mean, not the pulse-pounding
terror, but...
the parts where we help people.
Though I do wish we'd figure out
why the ghosts were here
in the first place.
- Hey, Laura...
- I know.
No need to keep prying.
The ghosts will move on.
You will get your life back
and... we can go back home.
No. I, um... I think
at that therapist's appointment,
I may have, um...
Laura?
Sorry.
Weird déjà vu.
Hey.
- What's going on?
- I thought...
I thought I saw the woman
in black, the...
You.
The you from
my dreams, but...
That's impossible, right?
Come on. Let's sit down.
I'll get you
a drink, OK?
Come with me
lovingly to death,
or else hate me
and still come with me,
hating me through death
and after.
Are you OK?
Where is she?!
- Hey...
- She was right here.
- What's going on, Hollis?
- The woman in black!
- The one wearing a mask!
- Everybody's wearing a mask.
Do you know
who she's talking about?
Maybe if you're not feeling
well, you should sit down.
I'm dreaming things
while I'm awake now.
What's next?
It's almost time!
The Ash Moon has begun.
Gather round for the ritual.
Before we begin, I want to say
how grateful we are.
Whatever you've done
in the past,
you've come to help us now,
and I think that shows
a strength of character
that is quite remarkable.
Yeah. Sure.
It's time, Emily.
It's your last night on Earth.
Are you sure you don't want
another drink before you go?
The ritual must be performed
before the Ash Moon
ends at sunrise. Otherwise,
we're trapped here forever.
So... no.
Wait, that's
the brooch that I...
Carm?
That's Carmilla's spark!
It's leaving her! Why...
why is it going into the brooch?
- Uh... guys?
- Did that spell
say anything
about spirit entanglement?
It's not supposed
to happen like this!
- Something's wrong.
- Laura, stay back!
- It's dangerous!
- We have to stop the ritual!
I can't!
- It's out of control!
- Emily, no!
We've been tricked!
I don't want to go back!
We need to disrupt
the connection!
- LAF!
- Don't touch Carmilla!
It'll take you too!
Did you think you'd
get away with it?
Summon us up to ease
your mind and then...
just waltz away?
Did you really think
there'd be no consequences?
It's you.
Surprise!
Not the brightest
little ingénue, are we?
Is that pile
of dust Lafontaine?!
They're j... they're
just g... gone.
- Are you OK?
- Carm?
- I need to hide.
- Carm?
Carm?!
Carm!
Carm!
Hey!
Hey! Come on! Hey!
Carm! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Hey...
Your heart.
It's not beating.
You're a vampire.
NOOO!
Why won't it work?!
I've sent all the ghosts away!
Did one of them escape me?
So did I miss something,
or did that radically
- not go as planned?
- It was Elle.
She was at the masquerade. She
knew about the ritual. She knew
- exactly what was gonna happen.
- How could she have known?
Because Emily
and Charlotte lied to us.
They had to have
known she was here.
You think vacuumed, screaming
back to a hellish nightmarescape
was part of their plan?
Sorry.
We will figure this out.
We will find Laf.
Why would Elle do this?
You heard her...
to punish me for what I did
by stealing my life.
But she can't steal anything.
She's trapped here,
just like us, unless
all the ghosts move on.
But the ghosts are gone.
All of them
except Elle and Charlotte.
Elle can't leave until Charlotte
is also sent back
to the nightmare land,
like all the other ghosts.
Laf thwarted her plan.
And now that my spark's
in the brooch
and Elle has the brooch, if she
gets rid of Charlotte...
she could become human
and leave.
We have to find her. Now.
That's easier said than done.
Miss Sheridan is gone, girl.
Yeah. Not to mention,
we don't exactly know
how to extract a life force
from a magical brooch.
Might wanna go easy on those.
That's the only case.
Terrific.
But... Elle must have
the spell already.
I mean, that's
her escape plan, right?
So we have to find Elle
before she gets to Charlotte;
- then Perry can find the spell...
- What are you talking about?
- We have to find Laf first.
- Of course, we have to find
both of them, but if we lose Elle now,
then all of us are gonna be trapped...
We can find Elle later.
Laf comes first!
We can't just let her
take Carmilla's life!
We could start
in the study.
I can't believe I'm saying
this, but beef cheeks is right.
We don't have much time.
I need to get out
of this dress.
- It'll be easier if you...
- Did you summon up the ghosts?
Because that's what she said,
Elle, that you summoned her up.
- I think it's possible.
- Possible?
How do you not know whether
you summoned up the ghosts
of your former victims who want
some light, refreshing revenge?
Because it was
just something stupid
that happened at
the therapist appointment.
- What?
- She... said
I could never move forward
unless I dealt
with my past. So...
she had me think about Elle
and the others and, you know,
there was the usual
"manifest your issues" crap
but... I had forgotten
all about it until my issues
actually... manifested.
When were you gonna share this
piece of information with me?
I was waiting
for the right moment.
You know what
would've been a good moment?
Any time before the ghost
of your former lover k*lled you.
She k*lled you.
I thought she k*lled you.
Hey... come here.
I'm still here.
OK? I'm still here.
We're gonna get
my life back. OK?
And all those things we want,
every single point
on your five-year-plan,
we're gonna do them, OK?
OK. Come on, let's
get you out of this thing.
Either Emily decoded
the spell wrong,
or Elle tricked her.
The spell she did cast used
Carmilla's spark to force the ghosts
off to the nightmare land
that Emily described.
You think that's where
the Brainiac ended up?
Do you think you
can get them back?
I think the real moving on
spell might do it.
But... that means we
only have 'til sunrise
to find the code key.
And I'll need Carmilla's spark.
Well, that makes getting
the brooch back priority one.
Hollis'll be chiffed.
Perry...
Lafontaine knows
you're looking for them.
They know.
It's what we do.
It's done. We leave tonight.
In 3 days, we'll be on an ocean
liner headed for New York.
You're gonna love New York.
It's full of... concerts
and theatre
and... life.
Your life is gonna be
so much bigger
than you ever imagined!
What are you doing?
Laura!
Hey... are you all right?
What in Stoker's name
is going on?
So Elle can dream-kebab
you in real life?
Is that a normal ghost thing?
Were we supposed to know
- they could do that?
- She sent me dreams before.
This is the first time she's
reached out and slashed me.
- Oh, dear.
- No, no, no, no, no.
Not "Oh, dear." We do not
need an "Oh, dear" right now.
Well, I'm still deciphering
but there are several spells
in this book which might make
the ghosts much more powerful,
- especially in the dream world.
- Right.
So Elle's better,
faster, stronger.
Can we undo that?
Use the book
to soup ourselves up?
"Side effects may include
anxiety, insomnia,
dream contagion
and... death."
So... no.
Wait. Dream contagion?
Is that like...
Sometimes in the dreams,
it's like
she can't completely control
them, like I'm seeing things
that she wouldn't want me
to see. Like just now,
I saw you getting ready
to leave for New York.
Nobody's going anywhere
until we find Charlotte.
The Craft here will
keep researching.
You, Mel and the frat boy can...
- Where's the frat boy?
- That burrito-chomping,
protein-powder-snorting,
gullible, mush-brained...
Dope. I told him.
It's the same as Laf.
OK. We have to find Charlotte
and get that brooch back
before Elle finishes
this little re-enactment
of And Then There Were None.
Search every nook and cranny.
Charlotte has to be somewhere.
Be careful. Elle knows
this place better than we ever will.
"Girls are caterpillars
while they live in the world,
"to be finally butterflies
when summer comes.
But in the meantime,
they are grubs and larvae."
So says Monsieur Le Fanu.
To think of the trouble
I went to,
warning you.
Thinking you'd learn
from my mistake.
Yeah, 'cause Carm's
the villain here.
Aren't you the one zapping
innocent people for no reason?
I'm doing it
to keep what's mine.
- That life isn't yours.
- It's what I'm owed.
And I wouldn't waste it
on some banal five-year plan.
Laf?
Laf. I saw Laf...
drawing some kind of symbol.
It looked like this. Or...
maybe like... this.
How did you get
past second grade?
I saw it for half a second
in a ghost-induced nightmare.
- Give me a break.
- Any idea what it means?
No, but...
if Laf thinks it's
important enough to send
from beyond the vale...
If I could just identify it,
maybe it could help decipher
the moving on spell.
I'll try to figure this out
- while you guys...
- Go get a life.
- Go with her. Keep her safe.
- What're you gonna do?
Well, the young lady
stole my life
and turned me
back into a vampire.
So I'm gonna remind her
what that means.
- How about you?
- Oh, I've got the EMF.
If it so much as peeps,
I'll shriek.
I used to think
you and I
would spend our lives
reading to each other.
If only I'd known how brief one
of those lives was going to be.
Hello, Elle.
Is that all you have
to say to me?
After what you did?
I never meant to hurt you.
Oh... Don't apologize.
It costs you nothing.
So what?
This is about me
paying for my sins?
You never even stopped
to think if you
deserve this life.
I've watched you.
All these years,
you've never thought
of anyone but yourself.
Well, that's some big talk
coming from the girl
who sent her friends
to a nightmare land.
Me?
Oh, no. I'm just
thinking about myself.
Oh, wait. I wonder
who taught me that.
Ooh.
Not very ladylike,
Miss Karnstein.
Laura.
Better run, Carmilla.
These old houses
are so dangerous, after all.
Damn it!
Perry. You never should
have left her alone!
No sign of the spell
book, either.
It take it your little chat with
the Ghost of Girlfriends Past
- was a bust?
- Yeah. I'm getting pretty sick
- of this haunting crap.
- Imagine how we feel.
I'm wondering if we might be
of assistance to each other.
Miss Sheridan said you would
never go along with the spell
if you knew she was with us.
I should've known that she only
wanted your life for herself.
It was all she ever
talked about,
the wide world
that she'd been denied...
as if the same thing
hadn't happened to us all.
I'm sorry about your friend.
I didn't know what would happen
when they pulled me back.
Can you help us
get them back?
I don't know...
but we have to stop
Miss Sheridan.
You got any thoughts
on the stopping front?
It's me she wants,
so perhaps...
Do we really have to do this
Nightmare on Elm Street crap?
Fine.
Let's speak as reasonable women.
Ahem.
So...
your friends are...
trapped beyond the vale.
You, Carmilla and your...
trigger-happy accomplice...
What next? Sugar?
Sure.
But...
if you hand over Charlotte,
- and let me keep this life...
- It isn't yours to keep!
That's beside the point.
Let me keep it... and I'll bring
your friends back.
You can all... leave this place.
What happens to Charlotte?
Well, I'm afraid
poor Charlotte will
have to follow her sister,
but... you know, that was
always going to happen, so.
She's just like you.
They all are. Don't they
deserve a chance to move on?
Oh. Oh...
You haven't figured it out yet.
The only way that Charlotte
and Emily can reach their...
everlasting rest...
...is if Carmilla sacrifices
her human life.
So...
Let's not pretend that you'd
sacrifice Carmilla's life
for a few wayward spirits
- any more than I would.
- We can't just leave them
- trapped in a nightmare.
- You'd let your friends die
in here to... help them?
- There has to be another way!
- Ugh!
You've had your chance.
Whatever happens now
is your fault.
Elle?
Are you all right?
Did she do anything to you
- in the dreamscape?
- No.
No. I just wanna
get her out of my head.
I wanna get
your life back.
Well, we think we can lure her
out into the open
by using Charlotte as bait.
You'd do that
for us?
There's only a few hours left
of the Ash Moon.
If Emily and I
want to move on...
...it's our only chance.
There you are!
You know, it's impolite
to cause your host
so much trouble.
I'm sure I'll find a way
to repay you.
A trap.
You aren't serious.
Vampire, warrior,
journalist... I like
our chances.
Let's have a little chat
about taking things
that don't belong to us.
You first.
- MEL!
- Ooh! Best get the broom out!
Look at that.
Then there were three.
You should've taken up
my offer, sweetheart.
- Offer?
- Your life for your friends.
Don't worry. Laura declined
when she discovered Charlotte
and Emily can't move on
without destroying
your... precious spark.
You'll never be
able to enjoy it.
You'll spend the rest
of your days
looking over
your shoulder...
...wondering if it's my step
you hear at the door.
I'll take my chances.
I've got the brooch.
There's nothing
you can do to stop me.
Maybe not...
but she knows Krav Maga.
What?
Why do people
always forget that?
NOOO!
Hello?
Carm?
CARM!
OK.
Pull yourself together, Hollis.
Oh, crap. We're live?
Today, on Toronto News 9,
it's harsh reality.
Abandon your childhood dreams
for the dubious security
of a subpar paycheque.
Spend your days glorifying
clickbait and your nights
letting fear and misery
drive away friends
and loved ones. Accept that
life is an unbroken chain
of mediocrity
stretching on and on and on.
This is Laura Hollis,
reporting live
from a failed career.
I want my life,
you little thief!
I WANT MY LIFE!
- Doors are arbitrary.
- You're gonna love New York.
- Wonderful.
- There's...
theatre and concerts
and... life.
Wait. I know this.
I dreamed this.
Your life is gonna be so much
bigger than you ever imagined.
What are you doing?
You don't belong here!
She laughed.
Miss Sheridan, she laughed
at the very idea of...
- Oh, God.
- Why did we trust her?
Poor Emily.
- Why did we not...
- Poor Charlotte.
I was supposed
to keep you safe.
Do you know what'll happen
if you die in here?
Let me guess.
- I die in the real world too.
- Worse.
You'll be trapped
in this hell made of dead minds.
I wonder if you'll feel
- so sympathetic then.
- Is that what happened to you?
I don't want your pity.
I want my life!
I can take it
from you living...
or I can take it
from you dead.
You've seen my dreams.
Have I ever gone down
without a fight?
Stuck in an endless loop
of someone else's damage.
- Classic me.
- You're gonna love New York.
There's... theatre and concerts
and... life.
- Oh, God. Carm!
- Your life's gonna be
so much bigger
than you ever imagined!
What are you doing?
I met a woman
in the village today.
She said strange things
about you.
What's wrong?
Why won't you look
at me, Carmilla?
LOOK AT ME!
She was right.
You're a monster.
I can explain.
Oh, I've heard
enough of your lies.
Or your promises.
All your...
- talk of a new life!
- No! Not lies.
In the colonies,
things'll be different!
No one will know us. You'll see!
As if I would go anywhere
with you now.
No.
My new friend
is waiting in a carriage below.
She's going
to take me traveling.
She'll show me
the wonders of the world.
No, you can't go with her.
Elle, I... I know I lied,
but... the horror
she has planned for you
- is much worse than...
- Worse?
Worse than saying
that she loved me...
...while she drank my blood?
WHILE SHE DRANK MY BLOOD?!
Please...
Don't worry.
I've told her
where you are.
She'll send someone
to deal with you.
What, is this on repeat?
How many times
have you watched this?
It's done. We leave tonight.
In three days, we'll be on an
ocean liner headed for New York.
You're gonna love New York.
There's theatre and concerts
and... life.
Oh, your life's gonna be so much
bigger than you ever imagined!
Hey.
Hey. It's OK.
Hey. You are not there anymore.
You are here with me. Right now.
And I have the brooch.
Maybe you can just... absorb it.
Nothing.
Of course not.
Of course we still
need some stupid spell!
Maybe I should
give her my life.
What?
- Carm, you can't. She's unhinged!
- Not to her...
To them.
Laura, everything
you saw in there...
it's everything I've
been avoiding for years.
Pretending like... being human
meant I didn't do
all of those awful things.
How is it fair
that I get this life
while they're just
trapped here?
After everything
I have done?
OK.
OK.
A...
let's acknowledge
that Ellen, your mother,
shares some of this
blame, and B...
we will figure out
another way,
a way that doesn't involve
you giving up your life.
You mean, find a way
to avoid responsibility?
Hm-mm.
You heard Elle...
...there's no other way.
It's my life
for their freedom.
What about
our life together?
Our future?
You're just gonna
give up on that?
- Laura, I'm not giving up...
- 'Cause we're supposed to have
arguments over who does dishes,
and cupcakes to celebrate
big days at work
and grandkids.
What is that gonna look like
if you can live
like you're 25 forever?
You think I don't want
those things, too?
Please don't give up
on our life.
I'm not giving up.
But I can't keep running away.
Not after what I've done.
OK.
Thank you.
Let's go save some ghosts.
Seriously?
People can't just dream
about getting audited?
Laf!
- How did you...?
- Escape my personal hell.
I've been through
like three apocalypses,
- I can tell the difference.
- You found any of the others?
Funny you should mention that.
I've been trying to wake her,
but she keeps mistaking me
for... me.
Form 83-B done.
- Filing a 100 of these daily.
- You don't mind taking care
of the deeds, right? It'll just
be like 5 or 6 million pages.
You can do this alone; you don't
need me. See you in 6 years.
Laura.
What... are you
doing in my...
strangely bureaucratic
nightmare?
Elle zapped us
into nightmare land.
We have to do the spell
before sunrise,
- which is coming up fast.
- Well, I...
I had to weigh the pages
before Elle zapped me,
but without the code key
to decipher the spell...
I've got the code key.
Oh! Yes, the symbol!
Do you have the full thing?
Uh, yeah, I literally
have a photographic memory.
Oh, I could
just kiss you
in your robot eye.
You're safe.
Why are people always
hunting me for sport?
And Mrs. Sheridan,
she laughed at the very idea...
OK, circle up.
We don't need
to hold hands or anything,
the spell is much more powerful,
but you might be
more cozy that way.
So what happens to us
after the ghosts move on?
Oh, hmm...
Well, we'll either find
ourselves back at the schloss.
- or cease to exist entirely.
- Better than our usual lots.
I'm sorry. Not to criticise
any plan that would clearly
- be so much to our benefit, but...
- Doesn't that mean
you have to give up
your human life?
Yeah.
Well, I'm responsible
for what happened to you,
so... this is how
I can help.
- Whoa! What happened to the...?
- It's a cake now.
- Don't ask.
- OK.
Alright, uh, let's get
this ritual started
before I change my mind.
Carm!
You think I'm gonna
let you do this?
- Steal everything from me again?!
- But Carm really isn't
the one you blame for that.
Is she?
I've seen that moment
between you two
over and over again.
You had everything that you ever
wanted and you gave it up
- because you were afraid.
- They lied to me.
Carmilla, her mother,
they betrayed
and m*rder*d me!
You're right: it isn't fair
what happened to you,
but that's not an excuse.
Everything that you're
doing right now -
hurting everyone else, hurting
yourself - it's just because
you're afraid of what comes
next, but you don't have to be.
We can help you.
We can help you find the peace
that you've always been
- looking for.
- No!
No, I don't want
your platitudes! I want my...
Your life.
You want your life.
- Yeah, we know.
- Ugh!
But it's not all about you.
And you're a part
of this. Stay put.
- Nice shot!
- I've been waiting to do that
since we got here.
So, you're kind of rocking
the field work these days, huh?
Think if we got some more
admin help, you'd be able
- to come out more.
- I think I could
find some time to play.
We're almost free
of all of this.
You shouldn't have been
drawn into it to begin with.
It was 1872.
If we hadn't been
k*lled by vampires,
it would have been...
I don't know, tuberculosis?
Oddly specific.
Each day was made better
because you tried
to make it such.
I don't regret a thing.
Thank you...
for the dance.
I wish there could
be another, but...
I get it.
You gotta leave
with the one that brung you.
Would you like to...?
Obviously.
Ugh, can we please
just move on already?
Ah, it's working!
What the hell now?
Guess with all
the ghosts gone,
there's no reason for this place
to exist anymore.
So...
it worked.
Hurray.
Sorry about before.
I think I've been so focused
on chasing after your life
'cause it seemed
a lot easier than...
trying to fix my own.
Hey...
...you're Laura Hollis.
...and I have
watched you fight
vampires and... gods,
and even that lady
who tried to butt us in line
at the craft fair.
So you're gonna
figure it out.
Whatever happens next...
...we're gonna
do it together.
This goes Romeo
and Juliet on us,
I'm totally gonna
haunt your a*s.
Of course you are.
Well, that was a kick.
Where are you, guys?
Is everyone OK? Over.
Affirmative.
Laura and Carm A-OK.
- Over.
- Front door is unlocked.
Oh! Meet you outside.
- You're supposed to say over.
- Over.
Let's get the hell out
of Styria.
I call dibs on window!
Hmm...
and how does it feel,
Ms. Hollis,
to officially be
a freelance journalist at large?
I've made a huge mistake!
What have I done?
I quit my job.
I gave up my cubicle!
I don't have a plan! What am I
supposed to do without a plan?
Only about half of that
was actual panic,
- so pretty good, right?
- Yeah.
I'm just gonna go
get some blood, babe.
- So this is a blueprint?
- Yep, the blueprints
they sent over.
And, oh, check this out.
They have an industrial-size
cleaning closet.
And then I was thinking we could
put your reactor over here,
- in this corner.
- That is a beautiful thing.
Selling out
going smoothly?
Uh, we're retaining
executive control
over Laferry at Intrigue.
And they're giving us
a thorium reactor.
A thorium reactor!
- It was really scary.
- It sounds a little cushy.
But it was a totally
legit adventure.
You know, there were ghosts
and a haunted mansion,
and then, you know,
this weird netherworld.
And comfy beds
and midnight snacks,
- and a masquerade ball.
- Look, I even have a mark
where I got ghost zapped. Look.
- No, seriously, look.
- No, I see it.
- That's good.
- Look! It's there, look!
- You can put it away now.
- OK, don't give me
pity eyes, Hollis.
Like, you never had a crush
- on a dead girl...
- That does sound familiar.
Thanks.
So...
- Carmilla Karnstein...
- Hmmm...
...a vampire again.
What's next?
I'm thinking...
maybe my PhD in Philosophy.
Hey, attend university
for 70-odd years
and you rack up
a few credits.
So proud of you.
You're not worried
about how we'll spend
the rest of our lives together?
I figure any two people
in a relationship,
their lives move
at different paces.
That isn't the part
that matters.
This...
...here...
right now...
This is what matters.
And I love you.
I love you too.
I'm Laura Hollis
and this is a web exclusive
for Cream Puffington Post.
We're talking today
with veteran dragonslayer
Elizabeth Spielsdorf about
the great apocalypse of 2015.
Hi, I'm Laura Hollis
on assignment in Graz
where we're just in time
for the ribbon cutting ceremony
on the J.P. Armitage
Memorial Library.
I'm Laura Hollis
reporting to you live
from the Geneva Summit
on the rights of Werepeople.
I'm Laura Hollis reporting
to you live from Iceland
where scientists have recently
made a breakthrough discovery
of the first drinkable
fountain of youth.
A scandal brewing tonight
on the step of the capital.
as the President
who, last month, was revealed
to be an as-yet unidentified
species of lizard creature
with very small hands
refuses to produce
his long-form
hatching certificate.
This is senior correspondent
Laura Hollis
for MSSSN-BCD.
Hey, Maddie.
Hey, sis.
- What are you...?
- Back from the underworld
and lounging in your charmingly
Bohemian pied-a-terre.
For starters.
You and I and the little
ingénue that could
are going on a road trip.
Turns out the angler fish
was female.
Before it died, it laid eggs.
Just an alarming
number of eggs.
Alright, let's get going.
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Carmilla Movie, The (2017)
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