01x14 - The Sunday Father

[bunniefuu]

[Laughing]

That was
the greatest, raj,

You are
the greatest.

I know it.

What? What?

Sit down
and we'll tell you.

Yeah, tell me.

Wait till you
hear this.

[Laughing]

What? What?

Tell him, raj.

Which one,
the 1:00 thing?

Yeah,
wait till
you hear this.

Well, at exactly
1:00...

On the dot,
at 1:00 on the dot, dwayne.

Yeah, what?
What?

Wait till you hear this.

I can't hear anythin'
if you keep sayin',

"Wait till
you hear this.

Wait till
you hear this."

You're right,
I'm sorry. Tell him, raj.

Wait till you hear this.

Well, at exactly
1:00 on the dot,

I got everybody
in miss collins' class
to sneeze, all at once.

[Dwayne]
oh, wow!

And exactly one minute
after that,

He stood up
and said, "now!"

And everyone went...

[Both sniffle]

[All laughing]

I bet mama won't think
that's funny.

And who's gonna
tell mama?

A little bird.

Well, if that little bird
starts to speak,

That little bird
would have a broken beak.

You comin' out,
or are you gonna study
for miss collins' test?

Me study for a test?

Huh! Does wilt chamberlain
study to be tall?

Well, it looks like
the g*ng's all here.

[All greeting]

Would you all
like a bite to eat?

No, we're goin'
down to the soda shop,
mrs. Thomas.

[Mama]
ok.

Yeah, see you later,
mama.

All right, but look, don't
stay out too late.

All right.

But raj, aren't you
gonna study for that big test
in miss collins' class,

So you could get
a good mark?

Get back here, roger.

Oh, mama,
today is wednesday,

The test
isn't until friday.

No soda shop.
You're gonna
stay here and study.

And you should
have a thank you for
your sister's concern.

Oh, I do,

And as soon as
we have a moment alone,
I'll give it to her.

[Knocking on door]

Wait a minute,
I'll get that.

[Humming]

Surprise, surprise!

[Rerun]
hey, it's mr. Thomas.

Well, well,
look who's here.

Children, say hello
to your father.

Hey, daddy!

Hey, son.

How you been?

Good! Hey, dee!

What are you doin' here?

Well, first, I wanted to
say hello to my kids.

Hey, baby.

[Laughing]

Ok, now what?

[Laughing]

Uh, daddy, you remember
my friends, don't you?

Sure, sure. You're, um,
you're dwayne, right?

Uh-huh.

And how could I ever
forget rerun?

[Laughs]

Why don't you try
to pick him up?

Oh, boy, oh, boy,
I sure feel good
being back.

Uh, bill,

Uh, what brings you
to town?

Well, I know you
won't believe this...

This is true.

But I found myself
a steady job,

And I've moved
back into town
for good.

This town?

Yeah. I decided
to settle down

And be near
my children.

How near?

Oh, just
a couple of blocks.

How about that,
mabel?

You put your foot over here
and I'll jump for joy on it.

[Laughs]

Well, just to show
you kids that
your daddy's back,

I'm gonna take you to see
that new king kong movie.

All right!

Wait--wait--
wait a minute.

It's nice of you
to offer, bill,

But roger does have
a test on friday.

Oh, oh, well,
that does it, roger.

Studying for a test
is more important.

Oh, mama, I can
handle it, please?

Well, all right.

Good, good.
I'll have 'em back
before dinner.

Come on, guys.
You too, dee.

[Grunts]

No! Mama doesn't allow me
to go to horror movies

Because they give
me bad dreams.

Especially
the king kong movie,

Where the big monster
picks up the little girl.

[Sighs]

Yeah.

Did you finish?

Not yet.

[Both chuckle]

[Both chuckling]

All set.

[Bell rings]

Hey,
what's happening,
jesse?

[All chattering]

All right.

All right, class.

We have a lot
to cover today,

So let's settle down
and cover it.

[Farting noise]

[All laughing]

All right, who did that?

It sounded like you,
miss collins.

[All laughing]

That's enough, roger!

Now let's get to
our map of mesopotamia.

[All laughing]

[All laughing]

This laughter will
come to an end.

It's there already,
miss collins.

I certainly hope so.

Where is my eraser?

[Screams]

Roger!

Roger thomas,
you're responsible for this.

I can't prove it,
but I know you're responsible.

Now everybody,
take out your workbooks!

[All screaming]

Oh, raj, raj!
You're the greatest!

You really
got her this time!

[Rerun laughing]

Oh, boy!

Oh, he should have
been here by now.

I feel it was
all my fault.

I was just so surprised.

Well, maybe he'll just
get a warning.

He's not gonna
get any warning.
He's gonna get expelled.

Mmm, is this good!

W-what's in there?

Nothing you'd like.

Just a little bologna,
a little cheese,

A little lettuce,
and a little mayonnaise.

Can I have a little bite?

What'll you give me
for it?

I don't have anythin'
to give you for it.

If you don't give,
you don't get.

That's the way it is
in america.

Raj, how did it go?

[Mumbling]
I'm expelled.

What?

I got expelled.

For how long?

One hour.

How could you
be expelled only
an hour?

Because in 45 minutes,
I'm gonna k*ll myself.

Now, raj, it can't
be all that bad.

No? The only way I can
get back into school

Is to bring my mama
to see the principal.

Raj,

Can I have your
record collection?

Oh, I am doomed!

I've never been
in so much trouble
in my whole life.

And you've got
that big test tomorrow.

Poor kid,
washed up at 16.

Raj, wait a minute.

Did the principal
say you had to bring
your mother to school?

Dwayne, I just
told you...

No, did he say
your mother
or your parent?

His mother is
his parent, dwayne.

But so is
his father, dee.

Right! My father
is my parent!

D-dwayne,
you're a genius!

I'll bring my father
down to school with me

And my mama will
never find out!

But suppose someone
tells her?

Like who,
for instance?

It's possible,
I might mention it.

It's also possible
those might be
your last words.

[Whistling]

[All whispering]

Oh, hey, fellas,

What's up?

Wow, mr. Thomas,
what a great
looking place!

Yeah, I just
love the boxes.

Did you pick 'em
yourself?

Yeah, yeah, yeah...
What's up, fellas?

Uh, well, daddy,

No sense in
beatin' around the bush.

It sure is hot today,
isn't it?

Yeah, it is, it is.
You got a problem, roger?

[Sighs]

Well, daddy,
I got this problem.

Raj, you don't
have a problem,

We've got a problem.

We're friends.

We stick together
through thick and thin.

That's right.
We're all in this together.

It's one for all
and all for one.

So, let's tell mr. Thomas
our problem, dwayne.

All right,
what's your problem?

[Both]
he's been expelled!

You what?

Yes, sir.

For what?

It's not fair.
It's just not fair.

Raj is the smartest kid
in the school.

What did you do,
roger?

I got bored by a teacher
who doesn't have
any sense of humor, daddy.

She wouldn't know
a good joke

If it jumped up
and hit her
in the face.

And it did!

And--and-- and--and--
and just because of that,

If I don't
bring a parent with me,
I can't get back in.

What did your mother
say about this?

Well, she hasn't
said anything yet.

I was gonna tell her
after I told you.

Poor mama.

What's wrong with mama?

Well, daddy, you know
how hard she works,

She'd lose
a whole day's pay
just to come with me.

Poor mama.

Poor mrs. Thomas.

Poor mrs. Thomas.

Poor...

Poor, poor,
mrs. Thomas.

Poor mama,
poor--

But i--i guess,
I've got to tell her,

After all,
she is my parent.

Mmm-hmm.

I'll see you
later, then, daddy.

Poor mama.

[Both]
poor mrs. Thomas

Poor mama.

Hold it.
Hold it.

[All]
yeah?

I'm a parent, too.

[All]
oh, yeah!

Hello, dee.

Hi, mama.

Did roger get home
from school yet?

Roger doesn't
go to school anymore.

What are you
talkin' about?

Oh, how I wish
I could tell you, mama,

But I can't.

I gave roger my word
that I wouldn't tell you,
so I won't.

Tell me what?

That he got expelled.

What?

I can't tell you.
I gave my word.

Roger... Expe--

Now, mama, you
shouldn't get so upset

Just because your son
is a juvenile delinquent.

[Laughing]

Hi, mrs. Thomas.

Hi, mama.

Hello, roger,
how was school today?

School was great, mama.
I love school.
Don't I love school?

Right, roger's a fool
for school.

Yeah, well, he's gonna be
insane with pain.

What?

Mama knows
you were expelled.

Gee, look,
how late it is!

Mine stopped.

I think we better
be going, rerun.

Yeah, 'bye.

All right, roger.

Ma--mama,
it's all settled,

I'm not expelled anymore.
I got back in.

Got back in? How?

Huh?

How did you get back in
without a parent?

Mama, you know
what I learned today?

What, dee?

A father is
also a parent!

You went to your father
instead of coming to me,
right?

Mama, the only reason
I went to dad

Was because you
work so hard.

Mmm-hmm.

I didn't want
to get you upset, mama.

[Grunting]

Mama, I love you
with all my heart...

So, please
don't rip it out.

[Laughs]

All right,
then, baby.

Saturday night,
mmm-hmm.

And don't you
bother to bring anything,
but that perfect face

And that beautiful structure
that holds it up.

[Laughs]

All right, babe.
I'll catch you later.

Yeah, uh, ma-ma-mabel, uh,

W-what are you doing here?
What a surprise!

[Mumbles]
yeah...

That was just
one of the fellas
on the phone.

That explains all those
nights out with the boys.

Yes, well, um, what can I
do for you, mabel?

Well,

I found out that
you went down
to school with roger.

Oh, oh, that was
nothin' at all.

Here, sit down, mabel.

Whoa, whoa!
Wooh, wooh!

Not there,
that's my dishes.

No, no, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.

[Grunting]

Now, sit down.

No, thank you.

I just came here
to tell you that I know
why roger came to you.

He knew you wasn't
gonna punish him.

Oh, look, mabel,
all I was tryin' to do
was just...

No, no, no, now,
you look,

I'm roger's mother
and I'm responsible for him.

I'm roger's father
and I am responsible
for him, too.

Well, good.

I've got a big load
of his dirty laundry at home.

When are you
comin' over to do it?

Tell me when?

Huh, who are
you kiddin'?

You could never take care
of those kids the way I have,

24 Hours a day,
7 days a week.

Why, I've been a mother
and a father.

Well, my kids
belong here, too.

And whenever they
choose to come over,

I'll show 'em that
I can be a father
and a mother.

You said it.

[Doorbell rings]

[Chuckles]

Hi.

Hello, loretta.

Hi, bill.

Mmm.

This sure is
a nice apartment.

I love the way
you have things arranged.

And may I say
the same thing
about you.

[Laughs]

Oh, bill.

Come on, loretta,
have a seat
on the couch.

That way, it gives you
a better view
of the apartment.

Bill, please.

Ah, there'll be
no bill.

This one's on me
and this one's on you.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, who the...

Just relax,
my one and only.

I shall be back
before you're lonely.

[Laughs]

[Snickers]

[Both]
hey, daddy!

How you doin'?

Hi, hi...
What a surprise!

Uh, what are those?

Those are
sleepin' bags.

Sleepin' bags?
For, like, for sleepin'?

Sleepin' in my house,
outside of your house?

You got it, sherlock.

Our mama sent us
over here

To spend the night
with you.

Your who sent you where
to do what with who?

Yeah, you really
got the place
fixed up, too, daddy.

It was so
sloppy before.

Now it looks good.

You must've got
somebody to do
a lot of work around here.

Yeah, you must be
some great maid.

Maid?

Uh, kids, um,
this is, uh, loretta.

Loretta, um,
these are my 2 children,
roger and dee.

Hi,
how are you 2?

Daddy,
if we're interruptin',
we could...

No, no. No, no,
no interruptions.

Maybe we should
go back home.

Oh, no, no, nonsense.
This is your house, too.

Are you messin'
around with him?

Bill!

I wanna watch t.v.

[Bill]
oh, yes, good, good!
Here, it's in the bedroom.

Yeah, let's go
watch t.v.,

And daddy,
you and, uh, loretta can
listen to records.

Yeah, thank you,
son, thank you.

[Laughs]

Phew!

[Chuckles]

Great kids,
huh, loretta?

Yeah, yeah,
yeah, look, um,

Bill, maybe this isn't
the right night for us.

I mean, you've got
your kids here.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
They'll be watching t.v.

Until, at least,
the late show. come on.

You're sure
it's all right?

I am sure.

Well, all right.

[Doorbell rings]

I don't believe this.

Come in.

Hey, mr. Thomas!

What's happenin'?

Nothing!

Nothing!

[Grunts]

[Door slams]

Oh, daddy,
I'm sorry.

Did she leave?

Yeah, she left.

Without so much
as a goodbye?

Oh, come on, dee.

No class.

[Doorbell ringing]

[Sighs]

All right,
all right.

Oh, hello,
mabel.

Well, good morning.

Oh, hi, mama.

Oh, my back.

[Groans]

What's the matter
with your back?

Feels like
I've been sleepin'
on a shoe all night.

Hey, anybody
seen my shoe?

Oh, here it is.

Oh, I just came
to get the kids back.

Oh, no, no, no,
there's no hurry.

Takin' care
of these kids
is a--is a snap.

Snap, huh?

Hi, mama.

Oh, hi, baby.

Look at this mess.

I'm lookin'.

[Sighs]

Our house is
neat as a pin.

It ain't easy, is it?

No, it ain't easy.

But you know what?

What?

It's worth it.

Ok, everybody got
everything together?

Yeah, mama.

Got all your stuff?
Come on, now.
Dee, let's go.

'Bye, bill.
'Bye, mabel.

I'll see you,
honey.

'Bye, baby.

Take care, daddy.

Hey, wait a minute.
Hang on, roger.

Listen, roger,
I didn't do you
any favor

By going down
to your school,
like I did.

The fact is,
you deserved
to be punished.

Listen boy, you better
straighten up.

'Cause the next time
you play me
against your mama,

You gonna find yourself
caught in the middle,

And you know there ain't
a little room there.

[Snickers]

Oh, yes, sir.

And daddy, I'm sorry again
about last night, too.

Ah, don't mention it.
She wasn't that much.

Great body!

[Both laugh]

Get out of here.

Dee plops here
all the time...

And as soon as she sits
on this cushion,

She's goin'
straight to the roof!

[Laughs]

Oh, put those
snakes in the drawer
by the phone,

She hates snakes.

And she always goes in there
for change.

What do I
do with this sign?

Uh, on the steps.

If she don't sit here,
she'll definitely
sit there. Hurry up!

Call her, raj.

Come on, dwayne.

Dee? Dee!

[Dee]
what?

Uh, could you come here
for a minute?

What for?
I'm eatin'.

Well, eat in here,
I've got somethin'
to tell you.

[Softly]
this is gonna
be fantastic.

What do you want?

Uh, well, sit down. I want
to talk to you.

Talk to me
about what?

Um, i--i got a--
I want to get you
a birthday present,

But i--i'm short
a few pennies.

You got any change
in the drawer over there?

I'll see.

What are you all doin'?

Uh, oh, nothin',
mama, nothin'.

All right, just
keep it that way.

[Farting noise]