02x06 - If I'm Elected

[bunniefuu]

Well, honey,
how do you like
rob's place?

I do.
I like it a lot.

All right.

Hey, shirley.
Hiya.

What'll you have?

I think I'll have
a grape soda.
Ok.

I think I'll have
the special.

The special?
Ha, she must be new
in the neighborhood.

She is, shirley.

Well, if you want to grow old
in this neighborhood,
you should have a hamburger.

Ok.

Hey, hey, hey.
Hi, dwayne.

Hey, guess what?

You finally
kissed lisa clark!

Much better than that.
Well, it's about time!

This has nothin' to do
with lisa.

Well, what's the big news?

Uh, can I use it
in the school newspaper?
It's a front page story.

Well, dwayne, what is it?

Try and guess.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

[Diane]
dwayne, this is connie.

Connie. That's nice.

Uh, what's your name?

I'm dwayne. Dwayne nelson.

Dwayne.

You have a nice, deep voice.

Dwayne.

Oh, there it goes again.

Hey, dwayne.
Huh?

Look, you got a story,
I want to know. What is it?

Hey, it's a big one, marvin.
Take one guess.

Hey, let me guess.
Your dad's runnin'
for councilman.

Why, shirley, how'd you know
my dad's runnin'?

"Lawrence nelson
for councilman."

That's fantastic!

Hey, everybody, dwayne's dad
is runnin' for office!

All right!

[All cheering]

Say, how come you didn't
tell us your father
was plannin' to run?

Well, I didn't want to make
a big thing out of it
until it was definite.

Uh, besides, that's the way
we do things in politics.

Uh, but you'll be in
on everything from now on,
I promise.

You're something.

I mean, your dad's runnin'
and you're the one
makin' the promises.

[Chuckling]
what a clever observation.

Dwayne, you want anything?

Uh, no, shirley.
I just came in to see

If you'd put up
some of these posters
in the window for me.

Sure. No problem.
Ok.

Hey, shirley,
I'll help you.
Ok.

Thanks.
Here.

I hope he wins.

Well, it's only the primary,
but everybody says
he has a good chance.

He's runnin' on his reputation
as a fine leader
in the community.

You know, the kind of person
you can look up to.

Almost as if he were
your own father.

He is my...
Oh, oh, a joke.

Well, it's a good picture.
He's very handsome.

It runs in the family.

Uh, you didn't tell me
your name.

It's connie.

Connie. That's nice.

Uh, heh, heh, connie what?

Connie william.

Connie williams.

William. No "s."

What happened to the "s"?

We never had one.

Oh.

Well, my father has
a lot of pull.
Maybe he can get you one.

That'd be nice.

You two ok?

I'm ok, but she doesn't
have an "s."

Uh, uh, hey, dwayne,
you think I'll get a chance
to talk to your father?

You know,
uh, maybe an exclusive?

Are you crazy, marvin?

Why would my dad give
a school newspaper
an exclusive?

Dad.

You get publicity
wherever you can, son.

Uh, does that mean
I get an interview?

No, not right now, marvin.
Dwayne and I are late
for dinner. Let's go, son.

Uh, mr. Nelson,
does that mean you're tryin'
to duck the issues?

Duck this, marvin.

Don't pay any attention
to him, mr. Nelson.

All right, shirley.

I tell you what, marvin.

Next week, I have to make
a speech at a banquet
for the chamber of commerce.

Now, dwayne's gonna
be there.

How would you like
to cover it?

Uh, can I get in free?
Well, we can arrange that.

Hey, then you got a deal.

All right.
All right. Until then.

Oh, dad,
I almost forgot.

This is my friend diane.

Hello, diane.
Hi.

And connie.
I mean, she's a friend, too,
but she's new.

You are a friend, aren't you?

Sure.

Hear that, dad?
She said "sure."

Hi, mr. Nelson.
Hello, connie.

Good luck on your campaign.

Thank you very much.

You've good taste, son.

We better be goin'.

Ok. Just a second, dad.

Uh, diane, how about
you and connie comin'
to the banquet, too?

Oh, I don't know, dwayne.
Good, then just connie.

It's ok if diane can't come,
isn't it?

Oh, yeah, who needs diane?

I felt that way. See you.

[Diane]
bye, dwayne.

Hey, watch it, romeo!

Oh, sorry, shirley.

[Telephone ringing]

Nelson campaign headquarters.

Sure, we can arrange
for a car on election day.

Right. Thank you.

Hi, ted. Still here?

No rest for the wicked.
Say, how was the banquet?

Terrific!
Say, where is everybody?

Well, larry had to
shake some hands.
He's right behind me.

Hey, ted, my main man,
how's it goin'?

Hey, fine. Fine.
Say, did you convince them
to vote for you?

He convinced me,
uncle ted.

You were easy, dwayne.

Yeah, well, I'm not easy,
and he convinced me.

That's 'cause
the man is good.

Thank you, sir.

Mr. Nelson, one more shot.

[Laughs]

All right. All right.

Always glad
to help the press, marvin.

Hey, lawrence.
Yeah, ron?

May I see you
for a moment, please?

Well, sure.
Excuse me, everybody.

Yeah.

I didn't meet
the young lady, dwayne.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Connie, this is mr. Howard.

Uncle ted, this is
connie william, no "s."

Hi.

Pleased to meet you.

Uncle ted's been in politics
for years and years.

Well, you seem
to be one of the family.

Almost. I used to change
his diapers.

Uncle ted.

Well, I did.

Well, maybe you did, but
we don't have to discuss it
in front of a stranger.

Dwayne, we all wore diapers.
I don't want to hear any more.

Mr. Howard,
have you worked with a lot
of other candidates?

Well, I've worked
with the best and I've worked
with the worst.

Tell her how you can tell
the good ones
from the bad ones.

Well, the bad ones
usually win.

But not this time, though.

So, you think that mr. Nelson
has a good chance of winning?

Larry nelson is
the best candidate
I ever worked for,

And he's gonna win big!

All right.

Well, I think mr. Nelson
is very lucky to have you
on his side.

Well, I hope
he feels that way,

'Cause there's nothing
I wouldn't do for him

You know, campaigns
are hard work.

But for larry,
I'm glad to be here
12, 14 hours a day.

You know, dad said he's lucky
to have men like uncle ted
helpin' him.

Loyal friends.

Uh, ted, can I see you
in my office
a minute, please?

Sure, larry.
Thank you.

Oh, dad.
Hmm?

Uh, connie and I
are goin' down
to the soda shop, ok?

Fine. Look, I've got
some things to clear up
around here.

Glad you could
come around, connie.
I enjoyed it.

Have fun, you guys.
All right. Later.

I like your dad.

Yeah, I do, too.

It's too bad I can't vote
till next year.

You're 17?

Too old?

No, I feel older
these days, anyway.

[Chuckles]

You know, when my father
was in the parks department,

I don't believe
I was in his office
more than 2 or 3 times.

Now that he's runnin'
for office, I'm with him
almost every day,

Helpin' him
and givin' him advice.

You two are a good team.

Want to join?

What do you mean?

Come here.

You know, I never pinned
nobody before.

I can see
that you're old gent,
but that's not my problem.

I just want you out of here.

Where am I gonna
get another job?

Look, there's no room
in this campaign
for that kind of sentiment.

This election is too important
to me for anybody
to be pullin' me down.

Get your things together
and get out of here!

But, larry--
I said get out of here!

Hey, shirley.
What do you want?

Is this your idea of rare?

Let me see.

No, that's well done.
How about the other one?

Now this is rare, right here.
This is rare

Hi, connie.
Hi, shirley.

Hi, dwayne!

Oh!

I'm sorry, connie.
I'm really sorry.

Dwayne, stop apologizing
to me, you didn't do
anything wrong.

Yeah, I know,
but my dad did.

You heard the way
he yelled at uncle ted.

No. I really didn't hear it,
dwayne.

Why didn't you hear him?
You were standin'
right next to me.

You were blowing in my ear.

I hope I didn't give you
a cold or anything.

Dwayne.

What are you two
gonna have?

Uh, grape soda. Connie?

Um, no, thanks.

Listen, I'd like to stay,

But there's some shoppin'
that I've got to do
before the stores close.

Dwayne, may I say
something personal?

Sure. Go on.

Why don't you have
a little talk with your dad?

I don't know. He might be mad
and fire me as his son.

Yeah, later, connie.

Hey, somethin' happen
between you and your father?

Yeah, I can't believe it.
I just can't believe it.

It's not like him.

Do you realize
I've known my father
my whole life.

No kidding.

Oh, where did you meet him?

This isn't funny, shirley.

Oh, I'm sorry.

If you and your father
are having some kind
of misunderstanding,

You know, connie makes sense.
You should talk to him.

How am I gonna talk
to him?

The mouth, dwayne.
The mouth.

So you start out with that

And if that don't work,
give it a shot with the hands.
"Father, something is wrong."

Oh, you don't...

You just don't understand,
shirley.

Oh.

Hey!

Oh, shut your mouth, fool.
I'll get you another one.

Here, dwayne,
drink up, buddy.
Thanks, shirley.

You want to tell me
about it?

See, I saw my father
do somethin' terrible
to somebody we all liked.

He just yelled at him
like he was nobody.

Well, maybe he had it comin'.

Hey, why don't you ask
your dad?

I'm afraid he might get mad
and yell at me, too.

Oh, come on, dwayne.
Give your dad a chance to tell
his side of the story.

Well?

You're right, thanks, shirley.

Mmm-hmm.

[Sighing]

Uh, uh, shirley,
what about my grape soda?

Oh, it's gonna join
your hamburger, honey.

Dwayne. Back again?

Yeah, I just thought my dad
might still be here.

He's on the phone
in the office. Go on in.

Oh, no. I don't want
to interrupt him.

He's your father.
Go on in.

Listen, tell him
I had to go home. See you.

Ok, ron. Later on.

Oh, dwayne!

Oh, hi.

I thought you and connie
left here a long time ago.

Uh, we did.
I just came back.

[Pouring coffee]

You got a problem?

Sort of.

See, um, earlier,
when I was, uh, with connie...

Oh, this is tough.

[Laughing]

Well, women are hard
to understand, son.

What happened?
What did she do?

She didn't do anything.

Well, it was your first date,
wasn't it?

Dad, you don't understand.

Well, it can't be
that much different
these days, son.

Look, you've probably
got things to do, dad.

Hold it, where you going?

Now, you know I've always
got time for you.

You know, when I was
about your age,

I was crazy about
this real gorgeous girl.

I mean, she was
a stomp-down fox.

In fact, I think
we took geometry...

No, we took american...

No, it was geometry.

Dad!
I know.

Get to the good part.

Well, you see,
that's the point.

There was no good part.
We went to a drive-in movie--

Dad, you don't have
to tell me all that.

See, um,

What I'm talkin' about is
somebody doin' somethin' wrong
just to get what you want.

You didn't!

Didn't what?

Uh, son, why don't you start
from the beginning.

Ok. Well, you see, uh,

I had connie up against
that wall there.

In here?

Well, dad, you were in there,
and we were out here.
What's wrong with that?

Where is connie now?

Dad, you don't understand.
This has nothin'
to do with connie.

Oh.

[Sighing]

Well, then, what we have here
is a problem in communication.

Yeah. I'll go
along with that.

See, there's no problem
between connie and i.

One kiss and that was it.

But, uh, we were in here
when uncle ted--

Oh, yeah, by the way,
about uncle ted.

Yeah?

Well, he won't be around here
much any more.

Oh?

No. He got himself
a better job offer.

Well, you know, he left me in
the middle of a campaign, but
we've known him a long time.

We couldn't
hold him back, right?

Uh, yeah. Right.

You mean he quit, huh?

Uh, yeah, he quit.

Oh, dwayne,

Did you want
to ask me something?

No, you answered it.

[Humming]

[Knocking at door]

Come on in, dwayne.

Hello, mrs. Thomas.
[Mama]
hi, baby.

Uh, raj in his room?
Oh, no, honey, he isn't.

He left here early
to, uh, pass out leaflets
for your father's campaign.

Oh, that's too bad.

Too bad?

Oh, I mean, it's too bad
that raj isn't home.

Well, is there something
I can do?

No, I can handle it.

Dwayne, is something wrong?

I don't want to bother you.

Hey, you're not
bothering me.

Yes, I am.
I'm comin' here botherin' you
with my problems,

And you're probably bothered
by your own.

I don't have any problems
and you're not bothering me.

Yes, I am. I'm just a dumb kid
and I'm botherin' everybody.

You're not a dumb kid.
Now tell me about it.

I don't want to bother you.

Dwayne, you're beginning
to bother me.

I'm sorry.

Sit down.

Did you discuss this problem
with your mother yet?

Oh, no, mrs. Thomas,
I can't.

I mean, it's about my father
and he's her husband,

And you can't complain
to a wife, who's your mother,

About your father
who's her husband,

Or to-- or to a husband
who's--who's a father

About a wife
who's a mother. Right?

What?

I was afraid
you were gonna say that.

Look, are you gonna tell me
what's wrong, or not?

Ok.

You see, mrs. Thomas,
I heard my father
fire my uncle ted.

You guys are doin' a good job.
Thank you.

Ron, be sure everybody
has a copy
of the new schedule.

Right.

Is dwayne in yet?
Haven't seen him.

Well, see,
well, he left the house
a little early this mornin'.

When he gets in
let me know.
Sure.

I'll be in my office
workin' on my speech.

You know, it's great
workin' here.
I'm really into politics.

Good.

Well, the envelopes
are stamped, sealed,
and ready to go.

Good.

Well, what can I do next?

Stuff 'em.

Huh?

You forgot to put
the mailings inside.

[Mama]
hello.

Can I help you?

Yes, is larry nelson in?

Yes, he's in his office,
but he's very busy.

Um, well, i--i'd like
to see him about something
very important.

It'll only take
a few minutes.

I told you, lady,
he's a busy man.
He's got a campaign to run.

He can't be interrupted.
So, you can't go in there.

Are you gonna stop me?

No ma'am. Right this way.

Thank you.

Hey, shirley,
what about my change?

Change?
You gave me $3.

The bill was $2.95,
and you want change?

Here, here.
Take the thing back, yeah.

What're you gonna have,
dwayne?
I don't care.

I know you don't care.
You're eatin' here.

Give me a grape soda.
Ok.

Hello, shirley.

Oh, hi, mr. Nelson.
Can I get you anything?

Yeah, I'll have
a grape soda, too, please.

Like father, like son, huh?

Make mine root beer.

How come you're here?

Well, son, I thought
we should discuss everything
that's bothering you.

Nothin' bothering me.

Not according to mrs. Thomas.

Oh, you talked to her?

Yes, I did. Now, would you
like to tell me about it
in your own words?

You see, I was standin'
behind the door
when you fired uncle ted.

I mean, I saw the whole thing,
and it was terrible

And then you lied to me
and told me he quit.

You're right, son.

What do you mean,
I'm right?

Everything you just said.

It was terrible
that I had to fire him,
and I did lie to you.

Huh? But why, dad?
Why lie to me?

Because I didn't want you
to think badly about ted.

I know how much you like him.

But you liked him.
Did you have to fire him
like that?

Yes I did. He stole.
He stole campaign funds.

Oh, no, he didn't.
He wouldn't.

He did.

Ron caught him
and ted admitted it.

Well--well, you couldn't
have forgiven him?

No, I couldn't, son.

You see, I could have
forgiven him for me,

But the money he stole
wasn't mine.

It was donated by all
the people in this district
believing in me

And who believed
that the money
would be handled honestly.

What would you have done?

I'd drop that sucker!

Thank you, shirley.

Uh, look, dad, uh, I'm sorry.

I guess I should have come
and asked you about it
from the start.

Well, I tell you what, son,
next time you will.

You keep
the old man honest, right?

I got a great idea.
Why don't we go
pick up your mother?

We'll go to headquarters
and wait for the results.

All right.
I'm with you all the way.

Who knows, after this one,
who knows what could be next.

I mean, you could become
the president
of the united states.

Mom would be the first lady
and I could be amy.

Uh-uh.

What is taking so long?

The special machine
that counts the votes
broke down.

I notice that only happens
on election day?

Hey, dwayne,
if your father wins,
do you think you'll change?

No. I'll just be the son
of a councilman.
It's no big deal. Ha-ha.

Oh, dwayne, what do you mean,
"no big deal"?

You'd be famous.

I mean, everywhere you'd go,
you'd have a policeman
following you.

If that's true,
this neighborhood is loaded
with famous people.

Hey, everybody, quiet!

Lawrence, mrs. Nelson,
come out, please.
They're givin' the results.

[announcer on radio]
...88 percent
of the precincts reported.

here are some final results
from the 16th district.

bail bondsman bernard pallini
was trounced by school board
member lawrence nelson.

[All cheering]

All right, everybody!

3 Cheers for
councilman nelson, my dad!

Hip! Hip!
[All]
hooray!

Hip! Hip!
Hooray!

Hip! Hip!
Hooray!

[All continue cheering]

All right, everybody!
On to the victory party!

Ok, I'll see you later.

All right, ron.
Thank you.

[All chattering]

What? What?

I thought they'd never leave.

[All hooting]

[Marvin]
I'm gonna put it in the paper.

[Hooting continues]

Oh, ron! I didn't know
you were in there, ron.

Hey, hey, hey, shirley.
Is connie here?

I said, "hey, hey, hey,"
shirley.

Shirley?

Shirley, what's wrong?
You look like you've just
lost your best friend.

It's worse than that, dwayne.
This is a big problem,
you know.

It's so big...
Oh, I don't even want
to talk about it.

Well, if you can't talk
to your friends,
who can you talk to?

Well, I don't know.

See, this is just
not a problem.

This is a problem.
A biggie. You know.

You know
what I'm talking about?

Yeah. I know what you're
talkin' about. Well, sit down
and tell me about it.

I am sitting down.

Oh, right.

Well, anyway.

Now, look, shirley,
whatever it is
that's bothering you,

The best thing for you to do
is to just tell somebody.

Well, all right, you see--

I mean just summon up
all your courage no matter
how painful it is

And--and give a voice
to whatever's bothering you.

Ok.

I mean, just let your
troubles flow.
Open up your heart, shirley.

Dwayne, if you don't shut up,
I'm gonna open up
your head.

Now just let me tell you
what's botherin' me.

Ok.

Well, see,
here's the situation.

See, now suppose
you like somebody...

No, no, no, no, no.
Let's say you love someone,

All right.

But then all of a sudden
this other person decides

They love somebody else.

Do you get my drift,
you know, you know.

I think I understand.

Well--well, shirley,
whatever happens, it's not
the end of the world.

Believe me,
it's not really that bad.

Well, even if this person
just ups and leaves

Even without a goodbye kiss?

Shirley, we're young.
We can bounce back.

I mean, believe me,
it's not that bad.

Well, now, even
if they just up and walk
out of your life, you know,

And leave you this cold, man,
this cold, heartless note?

Oh, shirley,
there'll be other people.
Believe me, it's not that bad.

[Sighing]

Well, I'm glad
you feel that way, dwayne.

You see, just before you
came in, connie came by
with this fine young man.

And, um, she left you
this cold, man,
heartless note.

Look here. There.

It is that bad!

Oh, no!
How could she do this to me!

There'll never be
anybody else.

It's the end of the world.
I didn't even get
a goodbye kiss.

Oh, no.

Hey dwayne, look at that part
right there, see?

I see!