02x08 - Give Me Odds

[bunniefuu]

Hey, shirley.
Hi, shirl.

Hey, hey, hey.

Well, well, if it
isn't mr. Lucky.

That's right.
I won the
football contest again.

So pay up, shirley.

One free lunch.
I think I'll have
a burger deluxe.

Hey, you got it.

[Sighs]

Dwayne, you...

I--i can't believe it.
You must be the
luckiest guy in the world.

You won 5 times
in a row.

Now, raj, once is luck
and twice is luck.

But when somebody
does something

5 Times in a row,

They have a system.

I flunked english
5 times in a row,

And I don't
have a system.

Well, maybe
you're just lucky.

Here you go, dwayne.
It's on the house.

Thanks, shirley.

Hey, shirley.
Yeah.

This is a plain hamburger.
I ordered a burger deluxe.

Oh, yeah.
I forgot the pickle.
I'll get it.

Thanks.

Do you really have
a system, dwayne?

Yeah. It took me weeks
to work it out.

What is it?

I can't tell you.
It's not perfected yet.

You picked 5 winners
and it's not perfected yet?

I only hit one score
on the nose.

Dwayne, do you know
that there are gamblers
who would pay big money

Just to know
your football picks?

Really?

Sure. Rerun, your
brother-in-law, ike,

Would make a fortune.

He sort of
gave up gambling.

Sort of?
What does that mean?

Uh, it--it means he gambles,
but his wife doesn't know.

Dwayne, do you realize

That if you had invested
$10 in your own system,

You'd be sitting here
right now with $320
in your pocket?

Uh-huh.
Not in this neighborhood.

I know it's wrong,
but I'm gonna do it anyway.

Rerun, ask your
brother-in-law, ike,

To call his bookie
to make a bet for me.

Well, I'm not exactly
ike's favorite person,

But I'll ask him.

Thanks, rerun.

How much do you
want to bet?

$10.

$10, Raj?
That's a lot of money.

All right,
who are you gonna bet on?

Who am I gonna bet on?

Dwayne, you're the one
with the system.
You're gonna tell me.

All right. All right.

But I don't want you
to get mad at me
if you lose, ok?

Hey, don't worry
about that.

Just give us
the score of the game.

Ok, I need a newspaper.
Newspaper.

Here you go, dwayne.

Thanks, shirl. You got
a newspaper you can lend me?

Dwayne, when you go
to the newsstand,

Does the guy
lend you a hamburger?

Shirley, this is important.

Dwayne needs it
to pick tonight's game.

I don't care.

I have $10 bet on the game.

I don't care.

If I win,
I'll start tipping again.

Oh, one newspaper coming up.

Please excuse me.

Hey! I'm right in
the middle of an article.

Oh, this one here,
right here. Don't
let me stop you.

There you go, dwayne.

All right, dwayne,
make your prediction.

All right. Tampa bay
versus oakland, right?

Right.
Right.

Yeah.

All right.

Looks good.

Ok, here it is.

Ok.

Tampa bay: 10, oakland: 7.

Are you sure?

Positive. 10, 7. Put that
down as my pick, shirley.

Oh, you bet.

But you just predicted
the upset of the year.

I did?

Yeah, oakland is favored
by 3 touchdowns.

They're
the super bowl champs.

The paper says that oakland's
gonna k*ll tampa bay.

Hey, who are you
gonna listen to,

A bunch of football experts
or dwayne?

Ask your brother-in-law

To put $10 on
tampa bay for me.

Ok. He has picked
5 winners in a row.

And, by the way,
my sister invited you guys
over to have dinner

And watch the game
at our house tonight.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, um, are they
still vegetarians?

Yeah. They don't eat
anything that runs,

Jumps, swims
or tastes good.

Oh, hi, freddy.

Hi, sis.

Is that dinner?

That's very funny.

If you want to snack,

There's some carrot juice
in the icebox.

Hey, well, get it out
of there before it
spoils my twinkies.

You know something,
you'd be a lot healthier

If you watched
what you ate.

Well, I gave up meat.

Gave up meat?

Freddy, you're always
eating burgers

Down at the soda shop.

The burgers at the soda shop
are not meat.

They're not?
Then what are they?

They're a combination
of all the leftovers

From the day before
and anything brown.

Well, I don't care
what they are,

They're not good
for you.

Now, seriously,
you'd better start
taking care of your body.

Listen, donna,
this is my body,

And I know what I need
to keep it going.

Radial tires?

When is ike
coming home from work?

I have to talk to him.

He should be here
any minute now.

Oh, hey, I wanna show
you my new dress.

Did I tell you?
We're going to hawaii!

Well, all right!

♪ [Humming]

Hey, hey, hey.
Settle down now, hula hips.

Listen, ike and I
are going alone.

Aloha.

Do you know this
will be our first
vacation together?

Well, you wait till
you see that dress.

Hey, ike!

What?

What's happening?

Get your feet down
off the furniture,

That's what's
happening.

Is that any way
to talk to the man

Who's gonna
make you rich?

[Whispering]
hey, man, keep it down.

Yeah, well, your picks
have been right on.

5 Out of 5.
And I won $50.

I didn't know
you knew football.

As a matter of fact,
I didn't know
you knew anything.

If you keep
putting me down,

I might forget who I like
in tonight's game.

I don't need a fat swami
for tonight's game.

Everybody in their right mind
knows that oakland
is going to k*ll tampa bay.

Not according
to my system.

I'm predicting an upset.

Tampa bay 10, oakland 7.

You're out of
your fat mind.

I haven't been wrong yet.

Look, don't I have
the right to know

Why I'm betting
my money?

Just be glad
you're winning.

Tampa bay, huh?

They're gonna win big.

They might just
be worth a bet.

You could put
your house on this one.

I don't own a house.

Stick with me and you will.

Oh, you are a house.

Where's your sister?

She's upstairs.

Look. Cover me.
I'm going to use the phone.

I don't mean me, fool!

Will you put $10
on the game for raj?

Yeah, look, just keep
your eye on the bedroom door,

And if donna comes out,
give me a signal.

Right. I'll stomp
on the floor 3 times.

No, I said a signal,
not an avalanche.

Hey yeah, man,
look here, this is ike.

I wanna place a bet.

Yeah, tampa bay $500.
Yeah, I'll hold.

$500!

What's wrong
with you?

I said bet big,
not crazy.

Where are you going to
get that kind of money?

Hey, man,
look, I got it.

Look now, it's upstairs
in the drawer

In an envelope
marked "hawaii."

You're not betting
the vacation money?

How can you
do that?

I can't lose. You've got
a foolproof system.

What if it's not?

Then I'm through
being nice to you, fool.

Yeah, man, I'm back.

Yeah, $500, man.
Tampa bay.

That's what I said,
sucker.

Yeah, check.

All those
stupid questions.

Oh, hi, honey.

Hey, baby.

♪ [Humming]

You like the dress?
Hey, it's beautiful.

Oh, thank you.
I got it especially
for our trip to hawaii.

Oh, ike,
I can't believe it.

After all these
months of saving,

We're finally
going on vacation.

Hey baby,
enough about vacations.

Right now, I'm starved.
What's for dinner?

Oh, your favorite.

Eggplant stuffed
with alfalfa sprouts,

And some soybean soup.

Oh. I just remembered
something.

I have to go
to raj's house.

For what?
Dinner.

But I thought
raj and dwayne

Were coming here
for dinner.

Nobody comes here for dinner.
They come here to graze.

Hey, just be sure
you're back in time
for the game.

Don't worry.
We'll be here.

Bye, sis.
Ok.

Bye, bro.

That was delicious.

What else you
got in the kitchen?

The only thing left
is the shelving paper.

I know I eat here a lot,

But I promise
I'll make it up to you.

What are you gonna do,
buy us a supermarket?

Hey rerun, did ike make
that call for me?

What call?

You know,

The call to a friend.

Rah, rah.

He doesn't know
anybody named rah rah.

I think
he means the $10.

Oh, yeah. Ike bet
the game for you.

Ooh, gambling.

Do you know what happens
to people who gamble?

When they lose,
and they can't pay,

They get their
thumbs broken.

Dee, you watch
too many movies. That
doesn't happen anymore.

It will
when mama finds out.

Look, it was only
a friendly little wager.

$10 Is a lot of money.

Not anymore.
These are inflationary times.

What can you do
with $10 these days?

You can shut me up
for a year.

Dee, it wasn't
really gambling
because I can't lose.

Dwayne's got a system.

Him?

Yeah, me.

I've won rob's football
contest 5 times in a row.

What's the system?

He won't tell.
It's a secret.

Let me get this
straight.

You bet $10 on
a football game

Because of dwayne's
dumb system,

And you don't even
know what it is?

Well, yeah.

And to think,
I used to look up to you.

Dee's right. I want to know
what the system is.

Yeah, come on, dwayne.
We won't tell anybody.

I'm not telling
while dee's in the room.

Dee, please.

Ok, I'll leave.

But when you lose
and a gangster corners you
in a phone booth,

Don't call me.

All right. Dwayne,
she's gone.

Tell us. We got a lot of
money on this.

Ok, here it is.

I take the number of people

Who attended each team's
last home game.

Yeah?

I divide that by the number of
miles between each stadium.

Yeah?

And then I subtract
the quarterback's number.
That's how I get the score.

That's it?

Yeah.

There's got to be
more to it.

I mean, well how--
how do you know
who's gonna win?

Helmets.

Helmets?

Helmets.

The team with the fanciest
helmets is the winner.

Dwayne, please tell me
you're kidding.

But--but I'm not kidding,
that's my system.

Isn't it brilliant?

Oh, that's no
system. You might
as well toss a coin.

Uh-uh. I'd never do that
unless both teams
had great helmets.

I can't believe I bet
$10 on tampa bay

Because of
your stupid system.

What are you worried about?

Ike bet his vacation money
on tampa bay.

$500.

See, raj, I'm not
the only one
who picked them.

Oh yes, you are.

He only bet tampa bay
because I told him to.

I've been giving him
all your picks,

And taking all the credit
for the winners.

Well, why you
been doing that?

I just wanted to
get on his good side.

But I really
messed things up.

If tampa bay loses,
donna's gonna k*ll ike.

You better hope she does it
before he kills you.

[Sobbing]

♪ [Humming]

[Spraying]

Hi, sis.

Oh, hi, fellas.
Come on in.

All set for the game?

Mmm-hmm.

Where's ike?

Oh, he went out to
get you guys
some refreshments.

In the meantime,
there's plenty to snack on.

We've got some granola,
and some alfalfa sprouts
and soybeans,

It's all out in the kitchen.

That's not a kitchen.
That's kansas.

Wait a minute,
rerun. Why don't you
call the bookie

And tell him
ike made a mistake?

Right.

I don't know
the bookie's name.

Just look for
something suspicious.

I got it. "Big al's."

Here, you talk.
I'm too nervous.

Hey, I don't know what
to say to these people.

You'll think
of something.

Uh, h-hello?

Uh, yeah,
may I speak to big al?

[Clears throat]

[Speaking in deep voice]
hello, big al,

Yeah. This is a--
I mean my name is raj.

I mean, earl.

Earl cohen. Perhaps
you could help me.

What? What I want--
I want what?

This is a pizza parlor.

Rerun, you--
hang up, man. Hang up.

Bye, big.

Hey, dudes.

[Rerun]
hey, ike.

Hey, raj, you and I
are gonna root real hard
for tampa bay, my man.

Hey, right on.

We don't have anything
to sweat, right?

Hey, listen, I wanna talk
to you about something.

Later.
The game's coming on.

That's what I want to
talk to you about.

Well?

Well, you know
the advice I've been giving
you on football games?

Yeah, 5 for 5.

Well, I haven't been picking
those winners. Dwayne has.

He's real good at it.
He's got a special system.

I've been thanking
the wrong fellow.

Thanks, little buddy.
I owe you a lot.

Yeah.

Ike, you gotta
cancel that bet.

Say, raj, you ain't got
nothing to worry about.

I got your $10 covered.

He's not worried
about his $10.

He's worried about
your $500.

Why is he worried?

Well, you see, dwayne's
system is a little unusual.

Yeah. See, he doesn't
pick winners,

Like you or I or anyone
who knows anything
about football does.

Well, dwayne,
why did you
pick tampa bay?

I like their helmets.

You like their helmets?

I bet all my money
on a football team

Because you like
their helmets!

They're really nice.

They're bright orange
with--with a pirate on it.

Oh, with a pirate
on it, huh?

Orange!

I bet all my vacation money

Because you backed
some pirate helmet!

See, dwayne.
You made him mad.

It's all your fault, hippo!

I just wanted you
to like me.

Fat chance.

Ike, couldn't you just
call off the bet?

No, the game's
already started, man.

It's too late.

What do we do now,
genius?

We just gotta
root for tampa bay,

Dwayne has picked
5 winners in a row.

You better pray for 6.

Somebody's running
with the ball.

[announcer]
...and he's at the 15,
the 10, the 5.

and it's another
oakland touchdown!

[crowd cheering]

so, just after
2 minutes of play,

it's tampa bay trailing
the oakland raiders

13 to nothing.

[announcer]
and as the g*n sounds
ending the first half,

the score is oakland 48,
and tampa bay nothing.

Look at the bright side.
It's only halftime.

Yeah, and--and tampa bay

Is a very strong
2nd half team.

Can I go home now?

How's the game?

Oh, it's halftime,
baby.

Oh, who's winning?

The guys with
the ugly helmets.

What?

Oakland.
48 To nothing.

Oh, wow.

Hey, listen,
since it's halftime,

I thought maybe you'd like
to look at some of these
travel brochures

Before I go
to the hospital.

Baby, I'm not in
the mood now.

Oh, come on, ike.
Please look. Look.

Oh, ike,
can't you picture it?

You and me lying
on the white sands of waikiki?

Waikiki? That's a lousy way
to spend a vacation.

Ike! Honey,
it was your idea

For us to go to hawaii
in the first place.

Baby, I don't want to
talk about it now.
I am into this game.

The game?
Honey, it's 48 to nothing.

That game is over.

Hey, don't say that.
It'll--it--

Tampa bay's a strong
2nd half team.
Ain't that right, homeboy?

Right on.
Told you. See

Oh, ike. Ike, you act like
you've got a bet on the game.

M-m-me? Are you kidding?

Hey baby, you know
I gave up gambling.

What makes you say
something like that?

Oh, nothing,
other than the fact

That you seem
a little tense.

Tense?
And irritable.

Irritable?

Hey baby,
we're havin' a great time.

Ain't we having
a great time, boys?

[All laughing]

We're havin' a great time.

Ok. You and me
will talk about
hawaii later.

Yeah, ok, baby.

[Rerun]
bye, sis.

Enjoy
the 2nd half.

Yeah. Be careful, baby.

[Raj]
bye, donna.

48 To nothing!

Boy, if I lose this game,
look here,

I'm saying goodbye to hawaii
and my marriage.

Ike, ike, you still got
3 weeks before your vacation.

So you could scrape up
enough money if you
cut back a little.

What's your biggest expense?

[announcer]
so, that's it. And the
final score this afternoon

is oakland 62,
tampa bay zero.

and, believe me,
no one feels worse
than the tampa bay players.

Wrong.

$500.

Well...

Well, uh, thanks a lot
for having us over, ike.

$500.

We've gotta do
this again sometime.

$500.

I guess we'd be going, ike.

Yeah, me too.

So long, guys.

Yeah, you too,
astrodome.

What?

Goodbye.

[Laughing]

Isn't ike great?

I knew he wouldn't
take this loss seriously.

$500.

I'll send for my things.

$500.

Hi, ike.

What do you want?

I want to come home.

It's a jungle
out there.

I'm hungry, I'm tired.
I can't make it.

You've been gone
exactly one hour.

Can I stay? I'll do anything.

Yeah, stay.
But don't talk to me.

[Knocking on door]

I wonder who
the heck that is.

Oh, lord.

Big al. Come on in.

Say, I thought I had until
the end of the week
for the money.

Well, $500 is a pretty
big bet for you, bro.

So I just wanted to make sure
that you'd be around
at the end of the week.

Yeah. Well, you checkin' up
on everybody who lost
tonight's game?

You're the only one
who lost, bro.

Right. Speaking of losers,
meet my brother-in-law.

How do you do?

I--i--i bet you guys
got business to discuss, huh?

Hey, I'll be
in the kitchen.

I think he's been
in the kitchen too long!

Hey, look here, man,
so I can count on you

For this here money, right?

Oh, yeah.

Say, listen, al.

Uh, you still looking
for part-time help
down at the pizza parlor?

Oh, yeah. Hey,
it's a good job, too.
Pays $50 a week.

I think my brother-in-law
is just the man
you're looking for.

Ain't nobody looking for him.
He's too easy to find.

Right. Hey, man,
he's dependable,

And he needs the money,
believe me.

All right. He's got the job.

Hey, now, you have him be
there tomorrow at 6:00.

Hey,
thanks a lot, man.

And I'll see you at the end
of the week, right?

Right.

Did he go?

Yeah, he's gone,
but he'll be back

At the end of the week
for his money.

I'm sorry, ike.
I wish I could help.

You can
and you will.

I want the first 5 weeks
of your salary.

$250.

And I'm gonna put
the other $250 up.

What salary?
I don't have a job.

You do now.

You start working tomorrow
at al's pizza parlor.

I'm gonna be working?

And what's wrong with that?

Nothing.
I just don't know how.

It's about time you learned.

It's about time
you stopped gambling.

Don't hit me.

You got a deal.

Well, at least
in a few weeks,

I'll have
some spending money.

Wrong. In a few weeks,
you start paying rent.

And then you'll start
being nice to me?

Forget the rent.

All right, thanks a lot.

Ok. Bye, now.

That was ike.

Wow. Donna mustn't be
too mad if he can still
make it to the phone.

[Laughs]

He said everything's
been taken care of.

He borrowed some money
from a friend,

And he said I don't have to
pay him the $10

Until he and donna
get back from hawaii.

Where's rerun?

That was the strange part.
He said rerun got a job.

A job?

Is he that new whale
at marineland?

Dee, aren't you supposed
to be fixing dinner?

It'll be ready in a minute.

[Knocking at door]

It's ready.

What's happening?

How do I look?

You look like
the pillsbury dough boy.

What are you doing?

Uh, this is my new job.
I deliver pizza.

C'mon guys, let's eat.
I'm starved

Yeah, me too.

Rerun, I ordered
a large pizza,
half with pepperoni.

That's what you got.

What happened
to the other half?

That's what I got.