03x22 - The Benefit Show

[bunniefuu]

♪[music playing]

[People laughing]

[Whooping]

Hey, hey, shirley,

Shirley, what happened
to the other half?

Mmm, well, you see,

I got so busy
I didn't have time for lunch.

Anyway, will somebody
tell me

What all those kids
are doing here?

Oh, well, see,
that couple over there
is doing rock.

Mmm-hmm.
Yeah.

And over there,
they're doing
a real nice hustle,

And they're doing
the spank over there.

Hmm, dwayne?

Dwayne, can you eat and talk
at the same time?

Huh? No.

Good, hon.

I'll tell you what
they're doing here, shirley.

They're here because they have
no place else to go.

Our teen center closed down
'cause they ran out of money.

Oh, they ran out?

That's right.
So the kids elected me
head of the committee

To raise money
for our teen center.

[Shirley]
oh.

They certainly chose
the right person for the job,

Because dee stands for dollar.

Hey, everybody,
what's happenin'?

Everybody,
this is ginger.

Ginger, this is raj.

Hi, raj.

His sister, dee.
And this is dwayne.
How do you do?

This is ginger's first
visit to california,

So I'm kind of showing her
the sights.

Tomorrow he's gonna show me

Around a.b.c. Where he works.

Did you know
he's best friends

With some of the biggest stars
in hollywood?

Oh, he is, is he?

Yeah.

He even knows charo
by her first name.

No kidding.

Oh, and best friends
and old friends, too,

With sammy davis, jr.
Oh, yeah.

Sammy davis, jr.?

Uh-huh.

The sammy davis, jr.?

That's right.
You know,

I saw him at
a benefit performance one time

And he was marvelous.
Oh.

A benefit. That's right.

That might be a great way
to raise money
for our teen center.

Hey...
[Dee]
great one.

Yeah, but we need
a big name star.

That's where rerun comes in.

Dee, I'm flattered,

But I'm not really
a big name star yet.

I guess you could call me
a minor celebrity.

You see, ginger,
they all worship me.

Not you, dummy.

They worship in strange ways.

Yes.

I'm talking about
sammy davis, jr.

Yeah, rerun.

Since you're such
good friends,

It would be a cinch
to talk him
into doing a benefit.

Wait a minute.

Oh, you can
do that easy.

After all,
what are friends for?

Right, reruny?

[All]
reruny?

It's very hard to say.

Well,
I'll tell you what...

...things coming up...

[Clearing throat]

Oh, excuse me.

Mr. Fredrick j. Stubbs,

To see
mr. Sammy davis, jr.

Do you have--

Just tell sammy
that freddy's here.

Do you--

Or you can say that
f.j. Has arrived.

Do you have an appointment?

Well, no, not exactly.

But me and sammy don't bother
with appointments.

We go too far back.

Mr. Davis is very busy.

Well, is he in here?

I'm sorry.

He just left for las vegas.

He--he just left?

Uh, but he can't.

I've got to talk to him,
I've got to talk to him
about this benefit.

If mr. Davis could
just make an appearance,

He could help us raise money

To save our neighborhood
teen center.

Oh, I know mr. Davis
cares an awful lot

About young people.

But he just can't do it.

He is booked solid.

But he's got to do it!
Please!

Look,

Mr. Davis may be back

In town later
in the week,

And perhaps
he can spare

A few moments
and talk to you.

That's the best I can do.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you.

You're welcome,
mr. Stubbs.

Oh, you doesn't have
to call me mr. Stubbs.

You can call me fredrick.

Or you can call me freddy.

Or you can call me f.j.

Or you can call me f.

All right.

Or you can call me rerun.

Or you can call me r.r.

Or you can call me r.

Look, fella.

Oh, you doesn't have
to call me fella.

You can call me friend.

Or you can call me pal.

Or you can call me...

But you doesn't have
to call me fella.

♪[Music playing]

Hey, what's happenin'?

Hi, reruny.

Hello, ginger.
This is so sweet.

[All]
well?

Well what?

Well, we're waiting
to hear, well?

Oh, yeah, shirley,
a hamburger and french fries.

French fries?

You know what
we're talking about.

The show.
Is sammy gonna do the show?

Oh, the show.

Well, sammy had
this big date in las vegas.

You mean he isn't
gonna do the show?

Dee, you know how busy
a big star like that is?

But I thought you two were
the best of friends.

We are.
But his secretary said

It was out of the question.
No way, no chance,

No how, impossible!

You phony!

You know, I almost believed
all those stories you told me.

I was ready to do

Almost anything that you said.

Anything.

Let me finish.

Uh, she said because
of sammy's schedule

It was out
of the question,

For anyone but me.

[Shirley]
oh.

[Ginger]
I knew you could do it.

Oh, wow! Thanks!

Dwayne!

Huh?

Thank you, baby.

Sorry.

Now, look,
I'm sorry, mrs. Lloyd,

But we are auditioning
for a variety show,
not a circus.

But this happens to be
a very talented bird.

In fact, he's bilingual.

Hey, I don't care nothin'
about his private life.

Just tell me what he says.

Well, he gives
a great impression

Of howard cosell.

Now why would he wanna
do a thing like that?

Thank you, mrs. Lloyd.
If you can just wait in there

With the others, please.
I'll go in.

Thank you so much.

Uh, excuse me,
mrs. Lloyd,

Uh, could you take
this bird with you?

Please, take the bird.

Thank you.

I know you're not gonna
get no attitude
about that bird.

Hiya, sweetcakes.

Hi, little earl.

Hey, I'm not too late
for the auditions, am i?

Well, see, little earl, we--

Good. You know,
I do some great impressions.

Mmm-hmm.

I got clark gable,
in gone with the wind.

Go ahead, little earl.

Frankly, scarlett,
I don't give a darn.

I cleaned it up for you.

Well, now, see,
that's terrific, little earl,
but see we--

Call me, rich little.
I got lots more.

I do a great howard cosell.

We've already got one.

Can you wait in there,
please?

Sure.

Frankly, scarlett,
I don't give a...

Frankly, scarlett,
I don't give a...

Frankly, scarlett,
I don't give a darn.

Shh, shh, shh!

Yes. This is
mr. Stubbs, again.

Has mr. Davis made it back
from las vegas yet?

I gotta talk to him,
it's urgent.

What?

He had to leave for new york?

When will he be back?

Will you have him
call me, please?

It's a matter
of life and death.

Mine.

Good news, everybody.

The ad for the benefit
is all set to run

In tomorrow's paper.

Great, and we've been putting
these posters all over town.

Oh, yeah.

Wow, this thing
is really shaping up.

It sure is.

And it's gonna be
a great show.

Even if we didn't
get sammy.

Please, rerun,
don't even mention that.

Really. I mean, without sammy,

The show would be
a total flop.

It would not!

[Sneers]

We've got a lot
of classy acts right here.

Raj is gonna sing,

Dwayne is gonna
play the drums,

And we have mrs. Lloyd
and her talking bird.

Hey, now let's
face it, rerun,

The people are coming
to see sammy, so...

Ok, let's get
this benefit moving.

Let's get to work.

You all waiting
on a bus or somethin'?

Psst, hey.

Polly want a twinkie?

Can you sing
like sammy davis?

Come on,
what do you say? Hmm?

I'll--i'll give you
some gold rings

And gold chains
and everything.

Come on,
you know candy man.

♪ Who can take a rainbow

Come on, pal.

Get lost, turkey.

[People chattering]

Hey, that sure is
some turnout.

The place is packed.

Really.

Hey, rerun, when is sammy
getting here?

I mean, it's time
to get this thing started.

I can hardly wait to meet him.
I'm so excited.

Yeah, well, he probably
just got held up, right?

Yeah, yeah, th-that's it.
He got held up

And--and mugged,
and robbed,

And tossed in a trunk of
a car and kidnapped.

I bet he's dancing
in the trunk, right now.

Rerun, this is no time
for jokes.

Where is sammy?

[Sighs]

Well, I don't know
how to tell you guys this...

Sammy isn't coming?

I would have
stretched it a bit.

But that about says it.

[Dwayne]
oh, rerun.

What?

I'm sorry.

You're sorry?
When did you find out?

He was never comin'.

Never?

No, you see, sammy davis
is out on the road,

And--and the secretary
never got a chance
to tell him.

I just didn't have the guts
to tell you guys.

Oh, man,
I don't believe this.

This is ridiculous.

Neither do i.

You are such a--a phony.

I bet you weren't
even an astronaut.

Oh, see, do you hear that?

Rerun, do you realize
what you've done?

And there's a crowd of people
out there who paid money

Expecting to see
sammy davis, jr.

Actually it's more
like a mob.

[Sighs]

Yeah, I know I did it,
I know.

I messed up again.
Me and my big mouth,
I always do it.

Hey, rerun,
when's the show starting?

I can't wait to be
on the same stage as
sammy davis.

Little earl.

Hey, you know,
it's not often
I get to perform

With someone my own size.

[Audience continues clapping]

Hey, he is about
the same size.

Maybe with the lights
down low...

Hey, little earl,
can you sing candy man?

Sure.

♪ Who can take a rainbow

All right, little earl.

No, raj. Raj, I'm tired
of all these lies.

I'm gonna go out there
and tell that crowd

That sammy's not coming.

Uh, rerun, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

I-- I think I have
a better idea.
Why don't we just

Put on the show
and then you can tell them.

Maybe if they have
a good time,

They won't tear
the place apart.

It's our only chance.
So let's go, rerun.

You're the stage manager,
get things rolling.

It's show time.
Ok. Mrs. Lloyd,
you'll be on in 5 minutes.

♪[Band playing]

[Audience clapping]

Well,

Hi. I'm shirley wilson,

And the first thing I wanna do
is welcome you to our show.

[Cheering]

Listen, I know you're gonna
have a good time

So just relax
and enjoy yourselves.

[Man coughing]

No, the man who's coughing,
you're gonna have
to clear that up,

In about 5 seconds, baby.

Now...
Thank you very much.

Now, moving right along,

I said this is gonna be
a good show,

And it's for
the teen center,

So that's a good enough
reason right there.
Right, g*ng?

[Crowd cheering]

Ok, now we gonna bring out
this first act,

Uh, it's a couple that's
from the neighborhood

And they're gonna sing
for you.

They're known as the donny
and marie of watts.

[Audience laughing]

Yes, they are,
so please bring on

Dee and roger thomas!

[Audience clapping]

♪ It's saturday night

♪ And our mama
is out of town ♪

♪ So all our friends
at school are there tonight ♪

♪ We're gonna get down

♪ Rerun's been
spreading the word ♪

♪ All over the neighborhood

♪ So come on over
and bring your friends ♪

♪ This party has got
to be good ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ We're having a party

♪ Gonna dance and play

♪ We're having a party

♪ While mama's away

♪ Having a party

♪ Gonna dance and play

♪ We're

♪ Having a party

♪ While mama's away

♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey ♪

[Audience cheering]

Roger and dee thomas!

Come on back out here.

[Man whistles]

Yes, those two are
gonna go very far.

I mean, they have
a lot of ambition.

Raj wants to sing
at carnegie hall

And dee wants to own it.

But I wanna tell you...

Listen, we're gonna
move it along.

This next act is, um...

Will prove to you
that good things
do come in small packages.

[Audience chanting]
sammy! Sammy! Sammy!
Sammy!

Wrong package, ok?

Now this is a kid
that you all know,

And I'm sure
you're gonna love.

He's gonna come out
and do a little steve martin,

So let's bring on, please,
little earl barnett.

[Audience clapping]

Well, excuse me, ha, ha.

[Audience laughing]

Excuse me a minute,

So I can slip
into my playboy outfit.

[Audience laughing]

[Man]
all right.

Ta-da!

[Audience cheering]

Like it?

[Woman]
love it.

Well, that's ok for me

'Cause I am a wild
and crazy guy.

[Audience cheering]

Ok, now,
don't go away,

'Cause we have
really got somethin',

A treat coming up
for you next.

We got dwayne nelson
on drums.

[Audience cheering]

Yeah. You heard me right.

Hey, ok,
so what we gonna need now

From you all is
a little hand clapping.

Can you do that for me?
Just go like this.

You didn't come here today...
Let's go. Come on. Everybody.

You, too, baby, just look,
come on. That's it.

Dwayne nelson!

[Audience applauding]

[Audience cheering]

[Audience laughs]

[Audience clapping]

[Audience cheering]

[Shirley]
dwayne nelson!

Ok. Now, coming up
is the show stopper.

We...
This is gonna get you.

This is a guy
from the neighborhood

Who we all love and respect,

And he's gonna come out
and sing a song,

And I know you're
gonna like it,
because I like it

So you're gonna like it.

[Audience laughing]

So please let's bring on
mr. Roger thomas!

[Audience clapping]

♪ If you believe

♪ Within your heart
you'll know ♪

♪ That no one can change

♪ The path that you must go

♪ Believe what you feel

♪ And know
you're right because ♪

♪ The time will come around

♪ When you say
it's yours ♪

♪ Believe in yourself

♪ Right from the start

♪ You'll have brains

♪ And you'll have a heart

♪ You'll have courage

♪ To last your
whole life through ♪

♪ Just believe in yourself

♪ If you believe in yourself

♪ Just believe in yourself

♪ As I believe in you

[Audience cheering]

[All cheering]

Oh.

Congratulations, raj,
that was terrific.

[All]
yeah.

Listen, to that applause,
they're having a great time.

Yeah, maybe they forgot
all about sammy davis.

[Audience chanting]
we want sammy!
We want sammy!

They remembered.

Yeah,
they want sammy.

What are we gonna
do now, rerun?

There's only
one thing to do.

I've got to go out
there and tell them
the truth.

Right on, brother.

[Shirley]
go ahead, baby.

[Audience]
we want sammy!
We want sammy!

Everyone, I have
something to say.

The truth is that, uh...

[Man]
we can't hear you.

[All chattering]

Well, the truth is
due to a mix-up,

Mr. Sammy davis, jr.
Will not be able
to appear tonight.

[Audience booing]

It--it-- i-i'm sorry,
it's all my fault.

I--i lied, he--he was never
gonna be here.

It was all my fault.

[Booing continues]

Quiet!

Ok, our chairperson here

Has a few words
she'd like to say.

Dee thomas,
and we're gonna listen.

Go ahead, dee.
All right.

Tell 'em.

Ok, everybody,
you heard the bad news.

Sammy can't be here tonight.

[Audience booing]

Uh-uh, what? What?
I--i don't hear nothin', do i?
I don't hear nothin'.

Go ahead, dee.

Now the good news
is the money you gave

Will enable our teen center
to reopen.

That means that
the neighborhood kids

Will again have
a place to meet,
to talk and to dance.

Now if you only gave money
to see sammy,

And you don't care
about the teen center,

Then you don't deserve
sammy or the center.

So anyone who feels cheated,

Will you please
step up here on stage?

I'll be happy to give you
your money back.

Not even one person?

That's wonderful. Thank you.

And I wanna thank
all the people in this show

Who have given their time
and talent.

And I wanna thank
especially this man here
on stage with us.

Me?

Because none of this
would've happened

If it weren't for
rerun stubbs
and his big mouth.

Hit it.

♪[Band playing]

♪ We're having a party

♪ Gonna dance and play

♪ We're having a party

♪ While mama's away

♪ We're having a party

♪ Party

♪ Gonna dance and play

♪ We're