Mmm.
Mmm.
[FREEZER OPENING]
[ICE CLINKING]
[LIQUID AND ICE
BEING SHAKEN]
[LIQUID POURING]
[GLASS CLINKING]
Wake up, sleepyhead.
It's sunset.
[CREAKING]
MAN ON RADIO: Board of
Education Chairman...
Good evening, Sebastian.
Good evening, Countess.
[SIGHS]
Good evening,
good evening, good evening.
Austrian peasant.
Mmm-hmm.
Early 1700s.
Mmm-hmm.
O-positive.
Mmm.
Very nice,
but not vintage,
and certainly not virgin.
Virgin blood
isn't easy to come by
these days, Countess.
You're telling me.
How many days left
till Halloween, Sebastian?
Oh, little more
than a week, Countess.
I told you not to worry.
Not to worry?
How amusing.
But then you're
not the one
that has to have
the virgin blood
of a young man
not once,
but three times before
All Hallows' Eve.
Not to worry?
Being a vampire
in the 20th century
is a nightmare!
Did we get up
on the wrong side
of the coffin this evening?
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Must be the delegation
from below.
You, wipe your feet.
After 120 years,
you still have Georgia clay
on your boots.
[CLEARING THROAT]
You're a long way
from Covent Garden.
Your report?
Countess,
we've been all over
this metropolis.
With nothing
to show for it?
Do you realize that
it's less than 10 days
until Halloween?
Times have changed.
When you found me,
it was 1864.
Virginity was
still popular.
Stop being
so damned negative.
There must be
a virgin out there.
Find him!
Unless the Countess gets
what she must have,
you lose your refuge
and her protection,
is that clear?
Cor! The closest
we've come so far
is an 11-year-old.
Don't be disgusting.
No more excuses!
She's heard them all.
She wants action.
And she wants it now.
Get out there
and find me a virgin!
ROBIN: I want to.
I really do.
MARK: Oh, Robin, please!
Mark, we've been through
this sex thing
a million times.
Halfway through it
a million times.
It's what people do
when they're in love.
It's natural.
It's right.
Well, it's not
natural for me
to do it in a car.
What about
an ice-cream truck?
Hmm?
* When she took a look
in my eyes
* She saw a picture of you
* Maybe you were her
in disguise
* And I was living a dream
[BOTH MOANING]
[GASPING]
What?
Do you have
a Creamsicle?
Take a hike!
We're closed
for renovations.
* Forget our affair
* You don't need me
hanging around
* Love is waiting
* Once she took a look
in my eyes
* She saw a picture of you
* Maybe you were her
in disguise
[GEAR SHIFT MOVING]
Ow!
Jeez!
Sorry.
I'll put it in third.
Look, Mark,
I want to, I really do.
But I want it
to be special.
[HONKING]
[ICE CREAM TRUCK
MUSIC PLAYING]
I'm sorry, Mark.
Please understand.
Please?
[SIGHS] sh*t.
* When she took a look
in my eyes
* She saw a picture of you
[CAR CREAKING]
* Maybe you were her
in disguise
* And I was
never untrue *
[LAUGHING]
RUSS: Based on my broad
and varied experience,
I'm telling you,
girls have a six-year
cutoff time.
If they haven't put out
in the first six years,
they figure,
"Why bother"?
No, she just thinks
if it's good, it can wait.
Oh, yeah? Look at me.
I'm good. I can't wait.
Oh!
Oh! You call that
well-done?
It's still meowing.
It's burnt.
I don't know.
There's too much pressure
about getting laid.
It's like taking
a driver's test for manhood.
[GROANING]
I don't know.
I don't know
what I'm doing wrong.
Right now, I'm as close
to physical perfection
as I'm gonna get.
That's depressing.
Really depressing.
Sometimes I think
I should just go out,
find some strange woman
and get laid.
Then I could go back
to Robin without all this
pressure between us.
[GAS IGNITES]
Whoa!
Now that's a burger!
RUSS: I think we should
check out some of the bars
in Hollywood.
MARK: No, no,
I don't want to do that.
Yeah.
No, that's where
all the weirdoes are.
Exactly,
because that's where
all the action is.
We might as well.
Nothing ever happens here.
We live
in a sexual wasteland.
What if Robin finds out?
Who's gonna tell her?
Not me.
Oh, hey, come on.
I wouldn't say nothing.
Not if she got down
on her knees and...
Well...
Get out!
[ONCE BITTEN PLAYING]
* I saw your face
and right away
* Something inside of me
trembled tenderly
* And in your eyes, boy,
I could see
* You'd be mine
* I know your mind
it's filled with doubt
* But I'm begging you
to hear me out
* No need for your suspicion
* Once bitten
* You won't
feel no pain, boy
* Once bitten,
once bitten
* We're singin'
in the rain, boy
* Lightning strikes
* Oh
[ICE CREAM TRUCK
BELL RINGING]
* Your heart's gonna be
mine forever
* Gonna be mine forever
* You won't feel no pain,
boy
* Eyes on fire
that looked at me
* I saw something
* That you didn't
want me to see
* Your desire burning deep
* Like a flame
* Oh
* I know what
it is you need
* Why make it harder
than it has to be?
* I have this premonition
* Once bitten
* You won't feel no pain,
boy
* Once bitten,
once bitten
* We're singin'
in the rain, boy
* Lightning strikes
* Oh
* Your heart's
gonna be mine forever
* Once bitten
* You won't feel no pain,
boy
* Once bitten,
once bitten
* We're singin'
in the rain, boy
* Lightning strikes
* Oh
* Heart's gonna be mine
forever
* Gonna be mine forever
* You won't feel no pain,
boy
* Won't feel no pain, boy
* You'll see the light
* We'll hear the thunder
* I need your touch
* It's a spell
you put me under
* There'll be no denying
* Gonna be mine forever,
and I ain't lying
Uh, we'll have three beers,
all around.
Watch.
* Once bitten
* You won't feel no pain,
boy
* Once bitten,
once bitten
* We're singin'
in the rain, boy
* Lightning strikes
* Oh
* Your heart's gonna be mine
forever
Number 17.
* You won't feel no pain,
boy*
Hi there!
Number 17?
I'm Russ,
and I'm a Sagittarius.
I enjoy surfing,
candlelit dinners
and Tolstoy.
Look, I'm a mature person,
and you're a mature person,
so...
She said come on over!
You got it, honey.
[BLUE NIGHT SHADOW PLAYING]
Don't wait up.
* Love to be you
* She's alone
[IN DEEP VOICE]
Hi there, Russ.
Hi.
Sit down.
A Sagittarius?
Dynamite!
I'm a Gemini.
Hey, man, do you know
what that means?
Like, like H2O!
* Blue night shadow,
blue night shadow
Are... Are you a guy?
Does it matter?
[SCREAMS]
* She's a blue night shadow
Sissy.
* Shadow looks at you
[STOP TALKING ABOUT US
PLAYING]
Well, wanna leave now?
This place is stupid.
Are you kidding?
We haven't scored yet.
Score? Not here,
that's for sure.
Look around you.
Yeah. Yuppie city.
You got it.
We don't belong.
[PHONE RINGING]
Studs "R" Us.
Number four at the bar.
Am I sitting
in the middle,
wearing a red tie?
She wants you
to have a drink
with her.
He'll be right there.
All right!
Move it, man!
Nah, I don't feel
good about this.
Come on, go for it.
Live dangerously,
stud!
All right. Okay, okay.
Come on.
Go for it!
Great.
Hello, tall, dark
and handsome.
[LAUGHING] Me?
Hi.
What's your name?
Mark Kendall.
Uh, can I...can I
buy you a drink?
I was hoping you'd
share my champagne.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
What was your...
What's your name?
Just call me "Countess."
"Countess"?
Whoa, that's...
Wow, that's great.
I like that.
I had a dog
named King once.
Hmm.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
Thirty-two.
Do you come here often?
No, this is my first time.
Beautiful. Great place.
Do you... Do you
come here a lot?
Whenever I'm on the prowl.
How old are you, Mark?
Me? Twenty-one.
How old are you?
Older than you think.
That's okay.
I... I look young
for my age, too.
People say
I could pass for 18.
[LAUGHING]
...the horse threw me.
HARRY: wh*re!
Caught in the act,
you pedophile!
Oh, why don't you
sit down
so we can discuss this
like mature...
Shut up, scumbag!
So, you're Chester!
Uh.
RUSS: No.
I think there's been
a little misunderstanding
here.
I'm not...
We just met...
I wouldn't sit
in the same room
with you, degenerate.
Uh, I'm Jamie. And...
And I wouldn't live
in the same city!
Look, we just came here
to get some girls tonight.
I... I... I mean,
meet some girls.
[STUTTERING]
Mark's got an ice cream truck,
and we came down,
and we just heard this was
a swinging place, that's all.
I mean...
Figures. A kid!
A degenerate kid!
Pornographer!
I've read your letters!
JAMIE: Letters?
There's been a mistake.
I wouldn't.
They're my friends.
They can handle it.
Don't do anything rash.
HARRY: You make me sick.
WOMAN: Shut up, Harry.
Filth! That's
what this is.
Filth!
Give me that, you slime.
This is private!
We better get
out of here.
HARRY: How dare you write
this filth to my wife!
This is a big
misunderstanding here.
I didn't write anything.
A big mistake
on your part.
He's got a g*n!
He's got a g*n!
[ALL SCREAMING]
Oh, my God!
[g*n FIRING]
No. No. Don't hang up.
It happens all the time.
[g*n FIRING]
Let's go.
[ALL CLAMORING]
Neither one of us
can afford to spend
the night in jail.
[SIREN WAILING]
SEBASTIAN: Countess!
Sir!
MARK: Wait, wait, my truck!
My ice cream truck!
I know where it's parked.
Give me the key.
Hey!
You don't want to
end up in the slammer.
Daddy hurt his parts.
Daddy was bad.
Is that a new kind
of chokehold?
See, I told you
we'd get lucky.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Is there
anything you need?
Food? Drinks?
A bib?
Thank you, no,
Sebastian.
Oh, this is
a nice house.
Don't see
a lot of mansions
where I live.
We just moved in.
The previous owner
slaughtered his family
and then hung himself.
You must've
got it cheap.
Mmm, except for
the cleaning bill.
May I get you
a drink?
Uh, I have to
ask you something.
I was wondering...
Are you a prost*tute?
I'm whatever
you want me to be.
Good, 'cause
I only have $5.
[CHUCKLES]
Hmm.
What would you like?
Oh, um,
same as you.
Try this.
Um, I'm gonna
slip into something
a little more
comfortable.
I'll be right back.
Okay.
Sebas...
Okay, Sebastian.
Out of the closet.
I came out of the closet
centuries ago.
Very amusing.
Come on, help me.
Make me lovely,
Sebastian.
Have I ever failed you?
How's my hair?
Like golden wheat.
My eyes?
Bright as Venus.
I'm so excited.
It's as if I were young again.
And so you shall be,
lovey.
I told you
not to worry.
COUNTESS: I see you've made
yourself at home.
Uh, that's, uh,
that's very nice.
Did you, uh...
Did they do that
over at the, um, uh,
the shopping mall?
No, um...
That was done
a long time ago in Europe.
Why don't you sit here?
Yeah, sure.
[SIGHING]
So, what do you do
for a living, Mark?
I go to school. College.
I'm, uh, I'm studying to be
an electrical engineer.
Fascinating.
Yeah. My field is
nuclear physics.
Really?
I'm working on
the acid rain problem.
I love intelligent men.
Yeah, I guess
they're okay.
Gee, uh, this, uh,
this place is great.
I mean, uh,
it's beautiful.
I mean, the, uh...
[STAMMERING]
Uh, who decorated it,
anyway?
I did.
Great.
Pillows and everything.
Nice.
I mean...
You know,
most, uh, most people
don't do things,
[BUTTON CLATTERS]
and, uh, I think that,
uh, that...
I mean, that's... They...
You... You do.
I mean, you do.
Uh, you're...
you're...you 're
a doer.
I mean,
you are a doer.
And, uh, you do...
You're a...
You, uh...
Beautiful dress, too.
I guess, uh,
you made that yourself.
I bet my mom would love
to borrow the pattern.
I mean, uh, my mom,
she's great.
I mean, uh, I have
a picture of my family
in my wallet.
You might take a look,
as long as you're down there.
And, uh, and there's
some...some Life Savers
in that other pocket, there.
Ow!
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
Hey, what's he like?
Another crazy
we don't need?
Is he cute?
Kind of a square.
Sort of a jock.
Enough!
Our new
young recruit
will be joining us
for Halloween.
Countess expects you all
to take him under your wings
and make him
feel at home
for the first
You got that?
She found a virgin!
We're home free.
[ALL LAUGHING]
I remember when
I met the Countess.
The day she bit me
was the sweetest day
of my young life.
Hmm, there's an inch
of dust under there.
How come he rates
that deluxe job?
These are the 1980s,
not the age of innocence.
Hmm, young man needs
plenty of room.
Sunrise in an hour.
I suggest that you all
get an early day.
GIRL 1: Good day,
Sebastian.
MAN 1: Good day,
Sebastian.
GIRL 2: Good night,
Sebastian.
MAN 2: Good night,
Sebastian.
MAN 3: Good day,
Sebastian.
ALL: Good day, Sebastian.
[WHISPERING]
Orange juice?
Shh. He's still asleep.
How was he?
Delicious.
Are you positive
he's a virgin?
I haven't had
anything this pure
since the Vienna
Boys Choir hit town.
Mmm, you just make sure
he doesn't slip away.
He won't escape me.
What are we going to do
with him?
We can't very well
put him down
with the others yet.
Heavens, no.
Let him go home,
build up his strength.
Tired blood is
of no use to me.
[MARK GROANING]
[MOANS]
Are you
feeling better?
[SIGHS]
Sebastian brought you
some orange juice.
Sir.
Thank you.
I'll just go check
on the gentleman's truck.
[EXHALES]
Oh, what happened?
Do you remember anything?
No, not much.
I had the weirdest dream.
You know those little packets
of fresh fruit juice,
you know, with the...
Made out of tin foil,
where you stick little straws
in them to open them?
Mmm-hmm.
Well, I think I dreamt
that I was one of those.
[GROANS]
What did happen, anyway?
Let's just say
you earned your juice.
I did?
Mmm, you certainly did.
Really?
That's great.
I don't believe it.
It finally happened.
Did I enjoy it?
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
We'll be seeing
each other again soon?
Oh, uh, yeah.
Um,
I have a bit
of a problem.
A problem?
Yeah, uh...
See, I'm... I'm sort of
committed to
this really nice girl.
I don't mind.
I've often been
the other woman.
Well, that's real
unselfish of you.
Uh, tell you what,
I'll be in touch.
Later, blood.
Start your day off
with a smile.
[LAUGHING]
How sweet of you.
Drive carefully.
Remember, part of you
belongs to me now.
I'll see you
in your dreams.
Sure thing.
[ICE CREAM TRUCK
BELL CHIMING]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
Rare hamburger,
please.
Uh, very rare, please.
Can I have one
of those uncooked ones?
Right.
* Once bitten
* You won't feel no pain,
boy
* Once bitten,
once bitten*
Hey, hey, hey, stud.
What happened to
you guys Saturday night?
I... I... I called you Sunday,
but you were out.
It was a total disaster.
Well, I don't know.
The strip search was
kind of fun.
But hey, how about you?
Did you go for the pokey?
I don't want
to talk about it.
Well, you did it with her,
didn't you?
Yeah, I guess.
Oh, Jesus, God,
those breasts!
[RUSS EXCLAIMING]
Has it
changed you any?
I... I mean, do you feel
more manly or mature?
It was all a big mistake.
I was so drunk,
I don't remember much,
you know.
Hey, come on!
Tell us what happened,
blow by beautiful blow!
Did you
undress her slowly,
like...like,
first baring her big,
luscious magoombas?
Did she have any tattoos
or scars or anything?
I told you,
I don't remember!
If you're so interested
in my sexual failures,
why don't you go out and
have a few of your own?
Robin, wait a second.
Where'd you find her?
A 7-Eleven?
A bowling alley?
MARK: Robin. Robin, wait up!
Saturday night,
the three of us went up
to Hollywood.
Hollywood?
It was Russ's
stupid idea.
You mean to tell me
you went home with a woman
you met in a bar in Hollywood?
[SIGHING]
And?
I don't want
to talk about it.
You didn't
make love to her?
I think so.
I don't know.
You think so?
You don't know?
I remember she bit
the buttons off my shirt.
And the next thing
I remember is Sebastian
bringing me orange juice.
Sebastian?
The chauffeur.
The chauffeur?
Well, also like
the butler, too.
The butler?
You mean they all saw
her bite your buttons?
No!
I mean, I don't know
what happened, exactly.
Oh, Mark,
I can't believe you're willing
to throw away our relationship
on a one-night stand
with a chauffeur and a butler,
and a sl*t who eats buttons?
But you did,
you really did.
You can have
your damn ring back!
What am I supposed
to do with it?
Use your imagination.
Mark?
Mmm-hmm.
What are you doing,
Mark?
I'm dissecting this frog.
But you're not
a member of this class.
I'm not?
To my knowledge, you have
never attended lab before.
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
You're right.
I'm sorry.
There.
He's still good.
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
[DOOR CLOSING]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
MR. KENDALL: Mark?
[KNOCKING]
You in here?
[CREAKING]
Hi.
Uh, what are you
doing in there?
Taking a nap.
Oh.
Are you feeling all right?
Sure, I feel fine. Why?
Your... Your mother thinks
that you should see a doctor.
Now you've been
awful pale lately.
And we know you
haven't been sleeping
because we can hear you
pacing the house all night.
I'm fine. Really.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm a little tense.
Oh, tense?
Robin and I have been
having some problems.
Oh, I see. Well, then,
everything is under control?
Yep.
Well, we'll see how you feel
in a couple of days.
Just get
a good night's sleep.
In the bed.
You know, make your mother
feel better.
I'll close the door.
[DOOR CLOSING]
[GASPING]
GIRL 1: What has Mark done
with his hair?
GIRL 2: I think it's cute.
It's weird.
So, you and Mark broke up
for good this time?
I don't believe it.
I thought
he was different
than other guys.
You know,
more sensitive.
I like
a sensitive man,
one who isn't afraid
to show his emotions
or cry on
your shoulder.
Yeah, cracks me up.
Can I talk to you
for a second?
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
I called you
Why didn't you talk?
There's nothing
to talk about.
You go out
behind my back,
pick up a woman at a bar,
go home with her
and then pretend
nothing happened.
Well, I don't wanna
talk about that.
That's not fair.
I was drunk.
That's exactly what
I'm talking about.
It's like you're not
the Mark I thought I knew.
Look at your hair, even.
You look like
Jerry Lewis.
I thought I looked more
like DeNiro, you know.
Well, it looks weird.
Well, I'm sorry, okay?
It's not supposed to be
a fashion statement.
I made a stupid mistake.
I'm sorry.
I'm a teenager. I'm supposed
to make stupid mistakes.
I wouldn't try
to hurt you,
you know that.
Mark, I guess that's why
I've been so mad
is because I think
maybe you did what you did
because of me,
because I was making you
so frustrated.
No, you weren't.
Well, you were,
but you're supposed to.
That's part of being
a teenage girl.
You're supposed to say,
"No," and I'm supposed
to get pissed off.
You make it sound
like the '50s.
Yeah, I guess I'm
an old-fashioned guy.
Mark, I really
want to do it.
That's what's so funny.
I think I want to do it
as much as you do.
There's no such thing.
I just have to know
I'm ready.
And I'll know.
And I swear I'll tell you.
[STUDENTS APPLAUDING]
[GROANING]
Okay, Sebastian,
out of the closet. Now.
I thought I heard noises.
I was checking for prowlers.
In a $100 scarf, perhaps?
You bought it for $49.99.
[SIGHING]
Do you mind if we don't
go barhopping tonight?
I'm exhausted.
I'm 390 years old.
What's the difference?
I'm so old,
I can't remember
my own sign.
You'll feel
much more secure
when Mark has given you
your second transfusion.
Life used to be
so simple.
All one had to do
to get a good meal
was go out in the field
and pick up a shepherd or two.
Remember the look of terror
in a peasant's eyes
when you'd swoop
down on him?
And plagues.
Whole cities
infested with rats.
People respected
the power of a vampire.
Mmm.
It's been three days.
Do you think we ought
to go find Mark?
Are you suggesting
we invade suburbia?
Bowling alleys, RVs,
Chicken McNuggets?
[ICE CREAM TRUCK
BELL CHIMING]
[ICE CREAM TRUCK
BELL TINKLING]
A Laundromat?
Hey, there's no better place
to pick up on
lonely, bored women.
Yeah. You can always tell
what you're getting into
by checking out
their underwear first.
I swear you guys
are insane.
You've lost your minds.
What you know about women
would fill an atom-sized
piece of toilet paper.
Oh, yeah?
We'll see. We'll see.
Okay. All right. We'll see.
We'll see. See you later.
Later.
Come on, Jamie.
Come on!
Okay. Okay, now remember.
You ease over...
Ease over.
You check out the hamper...
Check out the hamper.
And then make
your move, okay?
Make your move.
All right. Let's go.
Okay.
Wait a minute.
What?
What do I do
if I get lucky?
Come on, Jamie.
We've been over this
I know, I know.
Okay, okay, now do you
have enough money
for a motel room?
Yeah.
You do?
Yeah.
Okay, now do you have
protection?
Yeah.
You intend
to invite four friends?
I... I didn't know
what size I'd need.
Try petite. Now come on.
Look, I don't...
Come on, Jamie.
Come on.
Maybe we should come
back later.
Come on!
Hi.
Hello.
Hello.
I was wondering if...
if you needed any help
folding your, uh,
undergarments
or anything?
[CLEARING THROAT]
Hi, there.
I'm Russ,
and I'm a Sagittarius.
I enjoy surfing,
candlelit dinners
and Tolstoy.
Look, I'm a mature person,
and, uh,
you're a mature person.
So why don't we just
skip all the bullshit,
get rid of our inhibitions
and do what we
really want to do?
Sounds good to me.
Why don't we go
to your place?
I'll tie you up
on your bed.
I'd love to whip you.
No! No, no, no, we can't
do it in my bed!
Um, I sleep with my brother,
and he's a...
And he's a chronic
bed wetter.
Maybe next time.
[MACHINE WHIRRING]
Jamie?
Hi.
[GASPS]
So, how'd it go?
She said no.
* Around and around
and around you go
Hi! Can I help you
with something?
Yes, I'm looking
for a skirt.
Something that'll go
with a grayish blouse.
Um, any particular
color?
Something in white.
Okay, uh,
yes, I think I've got
just the thing.
* Face to face we talk
Oh, here.
How about something
like this?
I like that.
Good, um, we also have it
in yellow, if you prefer.
I like the white.
Okay, tell you what.
Why don't you try it on
in that dressing room,
and I'll be with you
in just a minute.
Okay.
[LAUGHING]
What are you doing?
Shopping.
Oh, really?
Uh-huh. Know what
I'm shopping for?
No, what?
Kisses.
Oh.
Ow!
What?
You bit my lip!
I did?
Yeah.
Well, you shouldn't
be so sweet.
Oh, I kind of like these.
What do you think?
Well...
Check it out.
Well, they're kind of,
you know, black.
Yeah, that's what
I like about them.
All right.
Try them on.
Uh, maybe I'll
get a sweater
that'll lighten up
the black pants
a little bit.
Okay.
Okay.
* Like children we walk away
* Like lovers we start again
* Face to face we talk
COUNTESS: Hello, Mark.
What are you doing here?
Where did you come from?
I've been here watching you.
I'm always watching you.
ROBIN: Here, try this one.
It's really neat.
Baby blue.
Wouldn't you know.
Wow! That was quick!
Wait a minute.
I see another one.
If it's pink,
I'm gonna puke.
Honestly, Mark, how can you
stand that little twerp?
She's not a little twerp.
MARK: I love Robin.
And I love Mark.
[MARK WHISPERING]
Would you just
leave me alone?
What're you talking about?
You're the one who asked me...
Oh, no, oh,
don't, uh, come in.
I don't have any pants on!
Stop it!
I've seen you
in your shorts before,
Mark Kendall.
Yeah, let the little creep in.
I don't mind.
Well, I mind.
Leave me alone!
ROBIN: I certainly will.
Boy, you're acting
really weird,
you know that?
[CLICKING TONGUE]
Listen,
you gotta cool it.
I mean it.
You know, you're
a very pretty lady.
We had a nice time.
But it can't
go on forever.
Forever is just
what I had in mind.
You don't know
what's happening,
now, do you, Mark?
I know if Robin
sees us together,
I'm in big trouble.
Don't be such a big baby.
Please don't
bite my buttons.
MARK: Ow!
Mark?
Mark?
Mark, are you all right?
[GROANING]
What happened?
Guess I must
have passed out.
[EXCLAIMS]
Are you sure
you're all right?
Has this
happened before?
Maybe you should
see a doctor.
Yeah.
Let's get out of here.
Countess, did you get
your second transfusion?
Of course, and I'll get
the third one, too,
despite that girl.
She's got a much stronger
hold on him than I thought.
She's young,
she's sweet
and she's
pissing me off.
[GRUNTING]
[MRS. KENDALL WHISTLING]
[SIZZLING]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
My God, it lives.
What time is it?
Are you feeling better?
Better than what?
I'm feeling fine.
It's a little bright
in here, isn't it?
You don't eat right,
you know that?
I'm making
your favorite breakfast,
egg burger.
Great.
What happened
to your shirt, Mark?
Shirt?
The one you wore last night.
All the buttons are gone.
That's the second time.
How'd you manage that?
[MR. KENDALL COUGHING]
This jogging crap
is for the birds.
Yeah, it's really bad
for your, uh, knees
and your back, Dad.
Huh? You should have
told me that five years ago.
Would you like
an egg burger, dear?
Oh, yes. Thank you.
Mark, I'd like to have
a little talk with you.
Oh, what time is it?
I gotta go!
Aren't you going
to finish your juice?
Oh, yeah. Right.
See you tonight.
[DOOR CLOSING]
Well, he couldn't be anemic,
could he?
BOY 1: Pushup bar.
BOY 2: Fudge bar.
[HISSING]
Holy sh*t!
BOY: Let's
get out of here!
[ORGAN PLAYING]
Oh, I'm sorry, Father.
Have a drink.
No.
[DOOR CLOSING]
[COUGHING]
Father, forgive me 'cause
I think I might have sinned.
Last week, I went
to a bar in Hollywood
where I met
this strange woman.
MAN: Mmm-hmm.
She took me
to her house, and, uh,
I think we had
a good time.
But ever since then,
weird things have
been happening.
She keeps
following me around!
Yeah.
Even in my dreams,
she's there, you know?
Just sort of
screwing around
with my life.
The worst part is that
I feel like
I'm changing.
Hmm.
I do all these
funny things.
I frightened
a couple of kids
just by looking at them.
Hmm.
Um,
I'm starting
to freak out.
You're the only one
I can turn to.
What can I do?
Get yourself a shovel.
You're in deep sh*t.
[MOANING]
[SQUEAKING]
Hello, Mark.
[THUNDER CLAPPING]
[HISSING]
[HISSING]
[LAUGHING]
[HOWLING]
[ONE KISS PLAYING]
BOY: Hey, can we ride
on the horse?
* You look a little lonely,
boy, a little blue
* But, hey,
you're not the only one
* I'm lonely, too
* I've been surviving
just day by day
* I had some dreams,
but they all blew away
I'm not mad.
I just thought we agreed that
we'd dress alike, that's all.
I mean, if I had known
that you were gonna dress
as a vampire...
I'm not dressed
like a vampire.
I told you, I couldn't
get out and get
a costume today.
Well, the point is
I just feel silly dressed
as Jill without Jack.
Well, if anybody asks you,
tell them Jack couldn't
get it up after the fall.
[LAUGHING]
SUZETTE: Hi, Robin.
Hi, Mark.
Hi, Suzette.
Oh, wow, I love
your outfits.
You want me to take your names
for the best costume contest?
Sure.
Robin Pierce,
Jill sans Jack.
And Mark Kendall,
vampire.
I'm not wearing
a costume.
Oh, you nut.
* You give me a feeling
that I can't ignore
* You try to play it safe,
but you're really shy
* You try to look away,
but I caught your eye
* You can't hide,
it's all over your face
* The barrier between us
is losing its place
* Why don't we
break it down?
* Why don't we
break it down?
* Break it down,
oh, whoa
* It's gonna,
it's gonna take
* Take just one kiss
* Just one kiss
* Oh, it's gonna,
it's gonna take
* Take just one kiss
* Ooh, whoa
* It's gonna,
it's gonna take
* Take just one kiss
* Just one kiss
Hey, Pinocchio,
you look great.
What are you
supposed to be?
I was going to be Gandhi,
but I couldn't find
glasses or a mustache,
so now
I'm Yul Brynner.
That's a great vampire...
I'm not wearing
a costume.
* Just one kiss,
just one kiss
I gotta
get some punch.
Hi, Mark.
Hi, sir.
* Ooh, whoa
* It's gonna,
it's gonna take
* Take just one kiss
* Oh, to break it down
[ALL CHEERING]
[HANDS OFF PLAYING]
* Been watchin' you
* For long enough
* To know you're making a play
for the one I love
* No, I don't blame you
for lookin'
* But you better not touch
* Hands off
* He belongs to me
* Hands off
* He's my private property
* Hands off
* I'll tell you
just one last time
* Hands off
* He belongs to me
* Hands off
* He's my private property
* Hands off
* I'll tell you
just one last time
* The boy is mine
[CROWD HOOTING]
* I'm in no mood
for competition
* I've got no time
for playin' games
* I've no intention
to share you
* With anyone else
* Hands off
* He belongs to me
* Hands off
* He's my private property
* Hands off
* I'll tell you
just one last time
* Hands off
* He belongs to me
* Hands off
* He's my private property
* Hands off
* I'll tell you just
one last time
* The boy is mine
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
* I have no intention
to share him
* With anyone else
* Hands off
* He belongs to me
* Hands off
* He's my private property
* Hands off
* I'll tell you
just one last time
* The boy is mine
[CROWD CHEERING]
* Hands off
* He belongs to me
* Hands off
* He's my private property
* Hands off
* I'll tell you
just one last time
* Hands off
Damn that girl!
Countess, if I've been wrong,
then I've got a plan.
There's more than one way
to skin a cat.
* Hands off
* I'll tell you
just one last time
* The boy is mine
* He belongs to me
* Hands off
* He's my private property
* Hands off
* I'll tell you
just one last time
* The boy is mine
* Oh, the boy is mine
* Oh, he's all mine
* He's mine, he's mine,
he's mine
* The boy is mine
[ALL CHEERING]
[FEEDBACK]
Excuse me, may I have
your attention for
a moment, please?
Excuse me. May I have
your attention for
a moment, please?
Thank you, I'm pleased
to announce
that the winner
of the best costume
contest is...
Mark Kendall
as a vampire!
[ALL CHEERING]
I'm not wearing
a costume!
Mark!
Robin.
Mark, what happened?
I'm sorry, I don't know
what came over me.
It was just...
All those kids were like
yellin' and screamin'
and freakin' out.
They were just glad for you
that you won.
Yeah. I know.
It just, uh, I don't know.
I just... It just
felt weird for a second.
Mark! What is it?
Look! I'm not there!
Look!
I swear, I wasn't there
a minute ago.
It's her.
It's that woman.
The one that bit
your buttons?
I think she's a vampire,
and I think she's
turning me into one.
Turning you
into a vampire?
That's why
I couldn't see myself.
Vampires don't have
a reflection.
But you're there.
See?
Oh, my God!
BOOKSELLER: Vampires?
[LAUGHING]
Vampires?
Did you say vamp...
[CHORTLING]
Oh, yes!
Do I have some books
on vampires!
Goodness gracious,
just follow me.
You know,
it is most unfortunate
the shocking reputation
that vampires are
having these days.
You know, most people
are basing their opinions
on those silly
vampire movies.
What is this doing here?
Is there such thing
as a female vampire?
But of course.
The result
of a vampire bite,
just the same as
any other vampire.
You know,
there are even cases
of cat and dog vampires.
Don't worry about it.
The cleaning lady will fix it
when she comes next week.
As I was saying,
cat and dog vampires...
And I even remember
once in the 1960s,
a gerbil was bitten
in the hind leg...
Could a woman vampire
actually exist today?
Like, maybe in Hollywood?
But that's the ideal place.
You see, she can blend in
with the crowd.
Could one of these
lady vampires
actually bite a guy?
You know, like,
a teenage guy?
Hmm, well,
how old would he be?
Like, 18.
Oh, I seriously doubt it.
You see, the female vampire
needs the blood of a virgin.
And an 18-year-old boy
would hardly be a virgin,
now, would he?
Well, just hypothetically,
what if he was a virgin?
[CHUCKLING]
Well, then I think he has
a lot bigger problems
to worry about
than female vampires.
[CHUCKLING]
If he got bitten,
how would you know?
Well, you would then just
look for a bite on
the inside of the thigh,
like this one,
piercing the artery.
Apparently, the attack's
so close to the source of...
In the case of a virgin,
untapped sexual potency
is what the woman
vampire needs to retain
her youth and beauty.
Now, I have over here,
somewhere,
a book of plates showing...
Uh, what...
Hello? Hello?
[DOOR BELLS CHIMING]
Well, goodness gracious.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
ROBIN: Jamie, could you
wait up a sec?
I have to talk to you
about Mark.
What's going on?
Mark's been acting
really strange lately,
you know.
Well, don't we all?
I mean...
But I did some research
and what I found out is that
Mark may have contracted
some sort of disease.
Like a venereal disease?
Sort of.
[BOTH SNIGGERING]
But I need you guys
to find out for sure.
Well, what do you
want us to do?
I need you to check
his inner thigh for
two little sores.
Sores?
I don't know.
Yeah.
I thought Mark meant
something to you.
If you're really his friends,
you'll do this.
[BOYS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[LOCKER DOORS SLAMMING]
[TAP SQUEAKING]
BOY 1: I need soap.
BOY 2: Ow!
The water is too cold!
I need hot water
over here.
[BOYS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Now, Jamie, look! Look!
What the hell
are you guys doing?
f*gs in the shower!
f*gs in the shower!
[BOYS SHOUTING]
f*g alert! f*g alert!
f*gs in the shower!
f*g alert! f*g alert!
f*g alert!
f*gs in the shower!
Great!
This is terrible.
I can't believe
this happened.
It's the most humiliating
experience of my life.
This is awful.
This is the suckiest thing
that could ever happen.
The whole school
thinks we're g*y.
Oh, don't be such a twerp.
Our past histories
speak for themselves.
No one's gonna
think we're g*y.
I don't have
a past history, okay,
and neither do you.
This is it.
We might as well
move in together
and get
his and his towels.
Hey, who cares
what those assholes think?
Jeez.
What were they doing
in the showers
in the first place?
They were washing.
We were enacting
a prison r*pe scene.
[THUNDER CLAPPING]
What was that scene
in the shower all about?
That's the thanks I get
for trying to help out
a friend?
Oh, you're a big help.
Thanks a lot.
Did it ever occur
to you guys that maybe
you could've asked me?
Oh, my God!
Hey! She told us to look!
I knew it. I knew it.
We enjoyed it.
Jamie, would you shut up?
Just shut up!
No, no, that's it.
We're h*m*.
We're rump rangers.
No!
[THUNDER CLAPPING]
What the hell?
Hey!
[CAR TIRES SCREECHING]
What's going on?
Robin, hey!
What's going on?
[ICE CREAM TRUCK
BELLS RINGING]
Why don't you sh**t off
a cannon? Jesus.
Be careful.
JAMIE: My stomach
is starting to gurgle.
RUSS:
Will you shut up?
Oh!
Oh, God!
Come on!
Shh!
[GLASS CRUNCHING]
Shh!
I got to go
to the bathroom.
Shh!
Tough sh*t.
Tie it off, man.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
God damn it, Jamie,
will you forget
your functions
for five minutes?
I can't!
This always happens to me
when I'm scared.
Wait. Wait.
[MUFFLED SCREAM] Help!
MARK: Are you okay?
Mmm.
Why did you go
with that creep?
[MUMBLING]
"I needed you,"
that's all he said?
Mmm-hmm.
JAMIE: I got to go.
The sooner we get her loose,
the sooner you're gonna.
Work on her feet.
Come on!
[MUMBLING]
Oh, sorry.
Ow! Mark,
you're still a virgin.
She never made love to you.
She just took
your blood from...
You know.
Can't I have any privacy?
I hate this whole thing.
Come on.
Oh!
[SCREAMS]
[HISSING]
Quiet, please.
Gentlemen and ladies,
welcome to this
most auspicious occasion.
And now for the unveiling.
[GASPS]
Okay. No.
That's not funny now.
Guys, I mean...
Okay.
All right.
Now I'm angry.
Great.
Dearest Mark,
twice we have shared
a mystical experience.
Tonight,
the holy third!
ALL: Here, here!
Please, please don't bite
the buttons off this jacket.
It belongs to my father.
Besides,
you might chip a tooth.
They'll hardly bother these.
I don't wanna be a vampire.
I'm a day person.
[HISSING]
[GRUNTING]
[EXHALING]
Move away from him!
Up against the wall!
[HISSING]
Mark, it's me, Robin.
Do you remember? Robin.
We've known each other
forever and ever. Mark!
Mark, I'm the owner
of the pants
you've been trying to get into
for the last four years.
Robin?
Yes.
How would you like
your crotch set on fire?
Ooh, rough trade.
Stand back!
Put down the cross, Robin.
It only works in movies.
Besides, I'm an atheist.
Fire
on the other hand...
[HISSING]
Back off!
Come on!
[HISSING LOUDLY]
I can be yours, Mark,
forever.
Showing you joys
you never dreamed possible
in your most fevered
adolescent slumber.
Mark doesn't want you
because you're mean and evil.
He wants me because
I'm nice and sweet and pure.
So f*ck off!
After that virgin!
Come on!
[VAMPIRES HISSING]
Run!
Are you crazy?
They'll k*ll you.
They want you, not us.
We'll hold them off.
We will?
Go!
See you in school tomorrow.
ROBIN: Hurry up!
I can't.
Can I put my pants on?
Holy sh*t.
[GROANING] Oh!
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
All right,
they're not here.
You come with us.
The rest of you go that way.
[HISSING]
[HISSING]
Hello, hello.
Look what got left behind.
Uh...
Could one of you
please show me
where the bathroom is?
[GRUNTS]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
COUNTESS:
Don't you let them get away!
[ROBIN SCREAMING]
No, no. We'll go back
this way.
But, Sebastian...
Trust me, we've got them
right where we want them.
[HISSING]
[ROBIN SCREAMS]
[VAMPIRES HISSING]
COUNTESS:
After them!
[HISSING]
[MARK GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
COUNTESS:
Oh, you bungling idiot!
I'm a mature person, and,
uh, you're a mature person.
So why don't we just
skip all the bullshit,
get rid of our inhibitions
and, uh, do what
we really want to do.
[SCREAMS]
[SNARLING]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
[HISSING]
[SCREAMING]
Well, I could've
done that.
I haven't had this much fun
since, like, Haight-Ashbury.
[LAUGHING]
[SIGHING] So...
What should we do now?
Ow, ow.
[RUMBLING]
[SCREAMING]
[HISSING]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
You stay here.
We'll go the other way.
[HISSING]
[BOTH PANTING]
[MARK GROANING]
Get those doors.
Hurry. Get that one.
[METALLIC CLANGING]
[PANTING]
Wait a minute!
I have to replace
every door you people smash.
Can't you at least
try the knob first?
Jocks.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[COFFIN SQUEAKING]
You're too late.
You couldn't have.
You've been in there
less than a minute.
You could have,
but you didn't have time
to enjoy it.
[CLOCK CHIMING]
What time is it?
Midnight.
[HISSING]
Somebody get
a plastic surgeon.
Quick!
I need a virgin!
I need a virgin! Help!
SEBASTIAN:
Countess, don't worry.
There are other virgins
out there.
Somewhere in places
like Kansas,
Nebraska.
I'll never find
another virgin.
Never!
Now, now.
I'll take care of you.
There's always tomorrow.
You know, maybe
the Countess is right.
It would be better slower.
Let's find out.
[GIGGLING]
I believe
I've created a monster.
[ONCE BITTEN PLAYING]
* I saw your face
and right away
* Something inside of me
trembled tenderly
* And in your eyes,
boy, I could see
* You'd be mine
* I know your mind
is filled with doubt
* But I'm begging you
to hear me out
* No need for
your suspicion
* Once bitten
* You won't feel
no pain, boy
* Once bitten,
once bitten
* We're singin'
in the rain, boy
* Lightning strikes
* Oh
* Your heart's
gonna be mine forever
* Gonna be mine forever
* You won't feel no pain,
boy
* Eyes of fire
looked at me
* I saw something that
you didn't want me to see
* Your desire burnin' me
* Like a flame
* Oh
* I know what it is
you need
* Why make it harder
than it has to be?
* I have this premonition
* Once bitten
* You won't feel no pain,
boy
* Once bitten,
once bitten
* We're singin'
in the rain, boy
* Lightning strikes
* Oh
* Your heart's
gonna be mine forever
* Once bitten
* You won't feel no pain,
boy
* Once bitten,
once bitten
* We're singin'
in the rain, boy
* Lightning strikes
* Oh
* Your heart's
gonna be mine forever
* Gonna be mine forever
* You won't feel no pain,
boy
* No, you won't feel no pain,
boy
* We'll see the light
* We'll hear the thunder
* I need your touch
* It's a spell
you put me under
* There'll be no denying
* Gonna be mine forever
* And I ain't lyin'
* Once bitten
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Once Bitten (1985)
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