(funky music playing)
(bowling pins clattering)
(bowling pins clattering)
So, it's a new font.
It's called "Buffalo Wingdings."
All the little sauce bottles
are O's,
all the little ranch cups
are N's,
and the mansions
are like dollar signs.
(bowling pins clattering)
Let me be honest with you.
Your resume is trash.
You really shouldn't
list on here
why you got fired
from those jobs.
How am I getting fired
from a strip club?
Because this is,
and always has been,
- just an Italian restaurant.
- Then what are you doing
with all those dildos
in the back?
They're breadsticks.
Deli manager: Look alive,
look alive, look alive.
How's that potato salad
coming on over there?
You're fired.
Like 40, don't change 'em
Bankhead
- Been pullin' capers
- Woman: Hello? Hi?
Yes, my wife and I,
we're looking for a nicer phone
to take pictures
of our kid with.
Whoa, wait.
You two are lesbians?
- (clicks tongue) Yeah.
- And this is your l*sbian kid?
Okay. (scoffs)
Our son's not a l*sbian,
unless he wants to be one day.
But yes, this is our son.
Walt: Wow.
You're fired, Walt.
Turn in your shirt.
I don't know
why you cut the sleeves off.
I'm real, you know?
I... I take pride in that.
You know, and I...
I probably shouldn't tell you,
if we get any closer...
- (clicks tongue)
- (bowling pins clattering)
...there might be a problem,
you know?
(bowling pins clattering)
- So?
- n*gga,
I'm not about to sleep with you
on your job interview.
I'm just trying to get a job.
This is how it happens
in the movies that I watch.
I shouldn't hire you.
You're under-qualified,
you sexually harassed me,
and if this is you at your best,
then there's no way
I can rely on you for anything.
I feel you.
Thank you for your time.
But...
I don't know.
- I like you.
- Mm-hmm.
- You're stupid.
- Okay. (chuckles)
Mozell: So I'm gonna
give you a shot.
This place,
it don't make no money,
but I make just enough
to keep the lights on
and to buy polish
for those ba*ls,
and every three months,
I hit those shoes
with some of that spray.
- Disinfectant?
- Roach k*ller.
It burns your skin,
but it's cheaper.
Now, uh,
you know how to bartend?
No, but I'll do it.
What's your policy on shirts?
- I don't have one.
- Yes!
("Dey Know"
by Shawty Lo plays)
I won't let you down, Mozell!
Shawty L-O, man
It's a promise.
Bigger than
The Ringling Brothers
Bring your top hat
Hey
L-O, L-O
They know, they know
L-O, L-O
They know, they know
L-O, L-O
They know, they know
L-O, L-O
They know, they know
Shawty Lo, I got flavor
Plus you know
The kid got paper
Like 40, don't save her
Bankhead
Been pullin' capers
(bowling pins clattering)
White people came from monkeys,
that's why
their n*pples are pink.
(swing music playing)
Mozell: This is the bar.
Ice here, drinks there,
fridge there,
cups there, napkins here,
- and the bottles here...
- Yeah, I got it, I got it.
Skunk: I'm thirsty.
This is Skunk,
she get drunk here every day.
Okay. Could have said
"former pro bowler,"
but whatever.
I know what you're thinking,
"Skunk's a dude's name."
I'm thinkin'
it's an animal's name.
What? Which animal?
This is Walt,
he's the new bartender.
If y'all need anything, ask him.
Now, I'm headin' upstairs
to go to sleep on
these ketchup packages.
They straighten out my back.
Hmm.
Why aren't you wearin' a shirt?
Too much laundry.
Why does your breath smell
like Cool Ranch Doritos?
To cover the six beers I had
for breakfast this morning.
What's the first thing
that comes to your mind?
- About what?
- Anything.
Why do ghosts
always haunt people?
You know?
They never do anything helpful,
like chores.
Why don't you scare
those dishes?
All right, brother.
I'll have a whiskey.
I got you, fam.
Oh, oh.
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
Huh?
Huh?
Are we twins?
(suspenseful music playing)
Identical?
A new Black king
is in our midst!
Hello, pale witch.
- This is Brotha Candy.
- I...
am a hotep, a Gemini,
a Zulu shaman reincarnated...
and a nude model.
(clicks tongue) I don't know
why I'm sensing loneliness
- in your voice, bro.
- (Brotha Candy scoffs)
It's okay. It's okay.
It's all right.
("Make It Roll" plays)
Whoa
Make that booty roll
Like a bowling ball
Make that thing roll
Like a bowling ball
Pick it up, drop it down
And make it roll
- Make it roll
- I don't understand...
(music stops)
Not again!
Walt: Hey, Mom?
Guess what, I got a job!
(sighs)
(eerie music playing)
Power's cut off.
Okay?
Yeah, I... I... I see that.
Mom?
- (in squeaky voice) Yes?
- Mom!
(in normal voice) Damn,
I'm just playing with you!
- (laughs) Come on, scaredy cat!
- Wow.
Vicki: Being poor is fun!
(upbeat music playing)
We like to rock
We like to roach out...
Ah! Don't you use my good spray.
And burn your soul
We catch a plane
Those midnight flights...
Hey! (laughs)
Yeah, I'm sorry, man.
That's... that's my fault.
Walt: Eat it.
Children of Zion,
is there dairy in these nachos?
Cheese is literally
what makes them nachos, man.
Come on.
Hoteps be knowin' 100 percent
of the wrong things.
- I need to go to the hospital.
- Whoa.
Walt: It's been a month,
Skunk, you still ain't got it?
It's one, two...
Yeah! (chuckles)
Oh, no. Oh, look at you.
- See what I mean?
- Oh, okay.
- So that's the electric slide?
- Walt: Yeah.
Who's this school sh**ter
all grown up? Yeesh.
Excuse me, sir, may I help you?
- Sir?
- I'm looking for...
Mozell Lester.
- Yeah, well, I'm...
- I'm Mozell.
- Hi. Hi.
- Hi.
Uh, nice to meet you,
I'm the city building inspector.
(clicks tongue) That is Mozell.
- Okay.
- Is there a problem?
Well, we'll find out.
I'm here for your evaluation.
I need to inspect the food
prep area and the ovens.
(animal chittering)
- Someone working in there?
- Mozell: No, no, no, no.
That's just this little
furry creature in the kitchen
who comes every few days
and runs amok.
- (animals chittering)
- Okay.
I'll just go ahead
and mark that with an F myself
- for the health department.
- So what? Fail me.
I'll learn my lesson
and we can move on.
Well, as the owner
of the building,
if you want Alleycatz
to stay in business,
you would have to bring
everything up to code
in the next 60 days
or else we'd have to
shut you down for good.
- (somber music playing)
- Walt: Shut us down?
You and what army?
Well, the mayor's office,
and the congressional
representative's office,
as well as
the police department,
and the fire department,
and the FDA,
and the A*F,
they would come too.
But... but not the actual army?
Right.
- No.
- Hey, uh, question.
- Yeah.
- White person to White person.
- Oh, yeah, sure.
- Yeah.
How much is this whole thing
gonna cost
- to just take care of it?
- Uh...
you're looking at...
200,000 dollars
- in renovations.
- (coughs)
- No.
- Inspector: At least.
Sixty days or else.
- Bye, now.
- Skunk: Bye.
Well, who was that
descendant of lizards?
- (Mozell groans)
- Did the demon bring with him
- bad omens?
- Building inspector.
He says that Mozell
has 60 days to fix this place
or he's shutting it down.
Look, Alleycatz is a pillar
of the Black community.
It must be preserved!
Why, it was in this very spot
when Malcolm Little changed
his name to Malcolm X.
You don't even know.
It used to be short
for Malcolm Exuberant.
But there was already
somebody with that name.
Mozell: This is too much for me.
I'm going to sleep
on the ketchup again.
Mozell. Don't you worry, okay?
I personally guarantee
that nothing is going
to happen to this place,
you have my word.
Well, I hope that's true, Skunk,
otherwise, you might have
to pass out somewhere else.
Never!
Skunk: Well,
this freakin' sucks.
(sighs)
I'm just so angry,
you know?
I could... I could just...
I could just... (grunts)
(upbeat music playing)
Can you do that again?
- Walt: All right.
- Skunk: Mm-hmm.
- Okay. Excuse me.
- Yeah.
Just wind it up.
- What?
- Wind it up.
(grunts)
Whoo-hoo! (laughs)
Whoo! Let's do it again!
Let us do it again! Mm. Mm.
Let it slide. (grunts)
Whoo! I love it! (laughs) Yes!
You know what? Whoo! (grunts)
- Whoo!
- What the hell was that?
When did you learn how to bowl?
I... I didn't even know
you played.
Oh, no, no.
This is my first time.
Skunk: What?
It's just strength
and aim really, you know?
How did I not know
this about you?
Well, I'm still kinda
letting you in...
- (chuckles) ...you know?
- This is, this is good, man.
- Walt: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Eh? Eh?
- Walt: Mm?
- Right?
Eh? You, me, right?
I don't know what you're doing,
but it's angering me.
We're gonna turn you pro
and you're gonna save
this place.
You're gonna become a...
a superstar.
There hasn't been
a Black pro since...
Okay, no,
it's bad that I can't remember
the guy's name.
But that's how long it's been.
Do you see?
That's a lot of responsibility
you're talking about.
It's... it's...
it's... it's too much.
- No.
- You know, I...
(chuckles) I want a simple life.
You wanna do this, you know,
you should be
a pro bowler again.
It's not...
it's not that simple, man, I...
- I can't do it, Skunk.
- No, no. But you...
- I ain't doin' it.
- (Skunk grumbles)
Sorry.
(upbeat music playing)
If you don't pull this off,
I'ma have to start
a whole new business.
I'm old, Walt.
Don't do me like that!
Come on,
Walt, let me die happy!
- Come on, boy, save me.
- I... Can I just...
(upbeat music playing)
(camera shutter clicks)
(chuckles)
"Got that ginger bread."
(laughs)
"Hashtag niceguysonline4u."
- Okay, Ed Sheeran.
- (screams)
- (yells)
- Huh? What am I, the Hulk?
Skunk: Walt, I wanna level
with you, man.
We have to help Mozell. We must.
Mozell is the only person
who recognized me for bowling
and not just being the woman
that smacked Brett Kavanaugh
on the ding-a-ling.
Walt: Mm-hmm.
Bowling is what you were
put on this earth to do.
Talent like that
doesn't just happen.
I mean, she helped you
when you needed it.
And... and if you do this,
you're not just helping Mozell,
you'll be rich.
There is no doubt in my mind
that we can save the alley,
and we can set
the bowling world on fire,
I swear to God.
This...
Skunk: Hmm?
- I'll do it.
- Yes!
But, but only
until the alley's open,
all is well,
- Mom and I are straight.
- Yeah.
And if I'm gonna do
this bowling thing,
I have to do it
under a stage name.
And costumes,
like the wrestlers.
Okay.
What's your name?
My name is Nygga Tyme.
It's spelled N-Y-G-G...
Yeah, you can just write Walt.
(upbeat music playing)
Walt: Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Hey, who's the dead lady
in the photo?
She's not dead, unfortunately.
- Walt: Hmm.
- Skunk: That's Linda Curson.
She's the most decorated
bowler of all time.
She holds every record.
Every single one.
(dramatic music playing)
(blows)
God, what a dumb heifer.
Look at that smile, man.
It is gonna feel so good
to blast through her legacy.
Walt: Bet she's a freak in bed.
Love to blast through
that legacy.
Skunk: Mm.
- What's up with these stickers?
- No, this is manifesting.
These are the companies
I want to sponsor me.
You make that Pornhub one
yourself?
- I did good, right? Yeah.
- You did.
- (babbling)
- (babbling)
Hey! What you doin'
in our area?
(in Southern accent) Oh, my.
Now, who licked
the red off of your candy?
Lane five is mine.
Name's Crantley Shandle,
and before you ask,
yes, I am a junior. (laughs)
(laughs sarcastically)
- (laughs)
- (laughs sarcastically)
(laughs forcedly)
My name is Nygga Tyme.
- Oh.
- The First.
- Ooh.
- Walt: Yeah.
- This is Skunk.
- (Skunk groans)
- Crantley: Skunk! (gasps)
- Yeah.
Oh, put me on a Shetland pony
and ride me out
to the local watering hole.
Skunk: Hmm.
I haven't seen you since...
Where was it?
The parking lot
of a Starburst lanes
and you were out there
with a, um, paper bag,
and then somebody said
that they took you
to a mental institution.
Is that right?
And now it's time to bowl
and we're done talking.
So let's go, right?
- Walt: Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
- Enchant.
- What's that guy's deal?
How you feeling, man?
You nervous?
Walt: Can I be honest with you?
Yeah.
I've never felt
better in my life.
You're crying.
Because there's something
else I'm thinking about.
- Not this.
- Skunk: All right, cool.
Hey, let me tell you
a story real quick, okay?
A few years ago,
I was driving home
late one night.
All of a sudden, this guy walks
out in front of my car
- and bam, I run right into him.
- (bowling pins clattering)
I get outta my car
and I see that he's pinned
underneath the tire.
- (gasps)
- He reaches out his hand to me,
but I get back in the car
and I finish the job.
k*ll this guy...
with your car.
(kisses)
(tense music playing)
Good luck.
You're gonna need it.
Ah, strike!
Whoo! Now we in business!
You better give
your heart to Jesus,
'cause your butt is mine.
Ooh, that was nasty.
- (Walt grunts)
- Skunk: Whoo!
- Yeah!
- Walt: Mm.
I think I got
a little bit more game left.
Whoo. A lot more game left.
Get those fingers in those ba*ls
and start them to roll.
(groans)
God, I hate your haircut.
(chuckles softly)
Yeah.
Ooh, oh, my God,
I'm hungry for beef stroganoff.
Does this place have
beef stroganoff?
Definitely don't
have beef stroganoff.
- Shut...
- This is a bowling alley.
...up.
Yes. (laughs)
Looks like we're gonna
get you home in time
to get your Uncle Willie
some Lotto Scratchers.
You know my Uncle Willie?
What? No.
(scoffs) No, I... what...
No, what I...
what I meant was, um...
- Okay, well, it's...
- What'd you mean?
Don't make me say it.
- Sit down.
- Skunk: Sit down.
(intense music playing)
- Whoo! That's how you do it!
- Skunk: Whoo!
(imitates flute fanfare)
That's Lizzo playing a flute.
(laughs, grunts) Yeah.
- (lips trilling)
- (lips trilling)
Congrats, Walt,
here's your check.
No, I don't want that.
I'll wait until y'all get
a big-sized check.
Oh, we don't issue
the large checks at this event.
(chuckles)
I'm sorry, pipsqueak.
Are you telling me
you're denying Walt
the right to a big check?
Wow, I've never seen this
much money in my whole life.
And I used to clean
Joel Osteen's house.
Well, get used to it,
'cause there's a lot more
where that came from.
Where to next?
A little town I like to call
Indianapolis.
Well, everybody
calls it that, right?
Because that's, well, its name.
Can I get cropped
out of this photo?
("Hey-Der" by Old John &
The Misfits plays over radio)
Woke up this morning...
Walt: Hey.
Did you spend all your money
at the jewelry store?
- No.
- Did you save anything?
Save what I didn't spend, baby.
- Man.
- Come on now.
Listen, I want you
to enjoy yourself.
Money's fun, but...
ugh, you gotta save some of it
and put it towards
something bigger.
I mean, don't you have
any dreams or anything?
Oh, baby...
- A threesome.
- What?
Yeah.
What? A... a... a foursome?
What are your dreams,
since mine's are so stupid?
I don't have any dreams.
Nah, dude, come on.
You just made me answer.
Okay, fine,
I used to have dreams,
but then I had to do things
other than my dreams
and that didn't really
go so well for me.
So now,
I don't have any more dreams.
Okay, I have one dream.
I wanna wrestle that kid
from Dune, Timothee Chalamet...
just to see what would happen.
(loudly) Any other questions,
Lester Holt?
- Hey.
- What?
Bring it down.
What's up with the attitude?
You're the one that asked.
I just get a little sensitive
when I'm on my period.
You know... when I drink beer
to get through my period.
(sighs) It's okay.
I hate when people
make fun of my n*pples
because they look puffy.
They kind of are.
I just said
that hurts my feelings!
(dramatic music playing)
- (bowling pins clattering)
- (indistinct chatter)
Whoa! Y'all ain't ready.
Y'all scared.
- Walt: Yeah.
- Skunk: Especially you, freak.
(tense techno music playing)
(Walt imitates robot whirring)
(sniffs)
(music builds)
Uh-huh.
(ball thudding)
(groans)
- (upbeat techno music playing)
- (crowd muttering)
This is a bad day for you, dude.
- You just got roasted to hell.
- Hmm.
- Like some rotisserie chicken.
- (smacks lips)
You ever have
rotisserie chicken?
- It's delicious.
- Walt: Mm.
You'll like it.
- How's that roast?
- It's pretty healthy.
(blows)
- Yeah.
- Hell, yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Okay. Okay.
- Yeah. (laughs)
- Yeah.
- (imitates dog barking)
- (imitates dog barking)
Brotha Candy: Enough of this
madness, bleach face.
You cannot do a Hadoken.
Well, I haven't fired
one off in years,
but if it gets you to shut
the hell up, then let's go.
(clears throat) Mm.
- This is Walt.
- Mm. Ha.
- A sponsorship opportunity.
- (bowling pins clattering)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm... I'm listening.
("Whole Lotta Ice" plays)
Yeah
It's a whole lotta
ice on me
Don't, don't stand too close
'Cause you don't
If you say
That you might know me...
Come on.
You know my favorite movie
is Green Book, please.
You're not sitting
- in the back, Skunk.
- Ugh! God.
- (cell phone ringing)
- Hello?
Another sponsorship?
Tell me
about that sweet cheddar.
Okay. Yeah. I'll hold.
(upbeat music playing)
Ooh.
Spicy hot milk.
How is this for both of us?
You just said
that you love spicy food.
But it burns when I pee.
You didn't drink
the milk yet, Skunk.
Oh. (scoffs)
Yeah.
- (cell phone ringing)
- Talk to me.
Uh-huh.
(soft music playing
over radio)
Yeah, thanks.
Yeah, thank you very much.
- All right.
- What?
What was that?
This next sponsorship
is gonna be major.
Oh, yes!
- It's the one, isn't it?
- It's the one.
- It's the one.
- It's the one.
- It's the one!
- It's the one!
(both growling)
(upbeat reverb music playing)
Skunk: Mm.
I love that they lubed up
the sleeves.
I know.
So easy to get your arms
in and out, right?
Wow, they thought of everything.
(upbeat rock music playing)
Yeah. (laughs)
(cash register dings)
(whistles)
Mm.
Mm.
All right, get outta here.
(crowd cheering)
(cash register dings)
- Say it, kids, "Nygga Tyme!"
- Kids: Nygga Tyme!
- It's Nygga Tyme.
- (camera shutter clicking)
Who told you to say that?
- (screams)
- (grunts)
- (crowd cheering)
- (cash register ringing)
(patriotic music playing
over TV)
(bowling pins clattering)
- (eagle screeches)
- (shark roars)
I'm Angelo Powers
for "Bowl Lives Matter,"
and I made
that phrase up first.
Bowling,
the USA's greatest sport,
as American as Chinese food.
(bowling pins clattering)
Angelo: It was a game
for good folks, you know?
We had champions
who were role models.
From d*ck Weber
to Linda Curson.
And then, a new guy showed up.
I personally don't know
what to call it.
Talent? A fluke?
One thing is for sure,
this Walt guy is on fire,
and I haven't gone
through the trouble
to learn his last name.
Jenkins, Johnson,
Walt Abdul-Jabbar, or whatever,
in just three competitions
has the highest
tournament average
of any bowler in history,
winning each game
by 15 pins or higher.
And I'm hearing from some folks,
you don't need to know who,
he's getting his back
blown out by Rihanna.
That's right,
she blows his back out.
Really sticking it to our boy.
We have not seen someone
this exciting in this sport
since Linda Curson's
historic run in the early '90s.
If Walt stays on this track,
he will break
every record Linda holds.
Because I have no other
way to make money,
I went to talk
to the man himself
and his coach, Skunk,
about their road to success.
(upbeat techno music playing)
(growls)
- Oh!
- Yeah. (laughs)
I love this!
Oh!
Can y'all like blur us
on the cameras?
Get the money, baby.
- Hello? Are you there?
- Hello? I'm here.
- Y'all blurring us?
- Do it.
Tear that money up, boy.
It's all about staying grounded.
- That's really important.
- I understand.
You know,
I come from the hood.
That's why I still got
my boys over here next to me.
Let's talk to him, Brotha Candy.
He's never been
on television before
and is not a criminal.
- Hello, and grand rising.
- Walt: All right, cool.
And then we got my cousins.
We got Half Life right here.
And then you got the ugly one
right next to him.
That's Lil' Patience.
Wait, what? No, I'm not ugly.
Come on, everybody can see you.
You're ugly.
- Who?
- Walt: All right.
Looking like
Sterling O.K. Brown.
Walt: Talk to him!
He paid for that
beard lineup with food stamps.
- Walt: Hello!
- You ain't a real n*gga,
- Lil' Patience!
- Y'all stop playing around!
Y'all know
I don't play by my looks.
Angelo: Walt's cousins,
who started coming around
once Walt made money,
don't mince words either.
Lil' Patience:
I'ma tell you something.
Y'all really lucky y'all got
this little n*gga up in there.
You know what I'm saying?
Otherwise, all of us,
we'd be busting in your house
Home Invasion style.
- You feel me?
- Well, didn't need to feel me,
'cause you were very direct
with what you said.
Tip-toeing through your windows.
Click clack.
Oh, you sleepin'?
Wake up (bleep).
They're not telling
the whole story.
If it wasn't for me,
Walt would be eating
outta trash cans
behind Whole Foods, like I do.
There's good stuff back there
and I don't wanna answer
a lot of questions about it,
so if you're so fricking
curious, Google it!
Angelo: Okay. (chuckles)
You know,
it is true that Walt's success,
somehow, does have a lot
to do with your coaching.
And you do have quite
a bowling background.
So you understand the pressures
and the expectations,
and you know what it's like
to really eat it
every time you even come close
to reaching the next level,
a lot of times,
seen on television
by thousands of people.
Listen, what me and Skunk
are doing right now,
has never been done before.
Losing ain't in our DNA.
I'm going to roll a strike
in front of everybody that loves
and respects you.
And then they will hate you.
And then they will want
a threesome with me.
Damn, Walt,
you're still on that?
Yeah,
that's Walt liquor time, baby.
Skunk: Consider this a warning.
Nobody, and I mean
nobody, is safe, okay?
We're talking about everybody
in the league.
I'm talking about that dinosaur,
Linda Curson, everybody.
What did I learn
about Walt and Skunk?
One, they are the team to beat
and everyone should take heed.
And two, some stereotypes,
no matter how offensive,
are true.
I am Angelo Powers for...
(dramatic ominous music playing)
Aw, sweetie, are you hungry?
Here you go,
here's the rest of it. Here.
("Oklahoma Memory" by
Reg Watkins & Lori Kristin)
You and I don't need
No Oklahoma...
("Countrified" by
Brett Boyett plays)
Here we go.
Weekend, there's a party
Going on now
Backwoods
Ain't no city limit sign...
Hoo!
Hee-haw!
Well, as we've seen all game,
Walt has refused to roll
the ball in any normal fashion,
which has caused him
to be in a tie
with this sorry
sack of potatoes.
(bowling pins clattering)
Hey y'all, come on now...
Angelo: It's probably
the stupidest thing
- I've ever seen.
- Yee-haw.
And folks, I have seen
a lot of stupid (bleep).
Hey y'all, BYOB...
- Hey, little baby.
- I'm a grown man.
You don't look like a grown man.
You look like a little baby,
wearing a tight little
see-through T-shirt.
(country music continues)
I don't know, Skunk,
there's something wrong
with my ball.
Literally, shut up and bowl.
(sighs)
And here it is for the win.
Boss man, I won't answer
My cellphone
You don't even
Need to try...
(ball whooshing)
(bowling pins clattering)
(tense music playing)
Angelo: Oh my God. (laughs)
Oh my God. He loses!
Oh, my God, I won. I won.
This is such a blessing.
My family is gonna be okay.
I can get that
lifesaving surgery
for little Christopher finally.
(laughs)
(country music resumes)
(sighs) Today's a good day.
I think it's time
That we get countrified...
Took me 26 years, but I did it.
Hey, y'all
That's right...
This is one of the happiest days
of my life.
This is gonna be smooth
sailing from now on. (chuckles)
- Hell yeah, brother!
- Crowd member: Yee-haw!
I'll take two of everything
on the menu.
Rich n*gga.
We'll take an order
of French toast
and I would like a beer
warmed up in the microwave,
please.
What?
Or on the stove, whatever.
I don't wanna do your job
for you...
Virginia: Okay. Okay.
Skunk: By the way,
what happened back there?
How'd you screw up so bad?
I told you, something was wrong
with my ball.
Well, that's because
you weren't paying attention.
Listen, dude,
as your coach, I cannot...
Oh! "My coach."
- Yeah?
- Good to know.
Now I just thought
you were getting smacked
on whatever you can get
your hands on
and taking photos with me
at the end.
But it's good to know
you're still on my team, Skunk.
Don't do that.
We cannot afford
to have another game like that.
Mozell will lose the alley,
that skank Linda Curson
will not have her record beat,
and you and I will go back
to doing whatever the hell
we were doing before,
which is nothing.
I don't know, you'll go back
to living with your mom and,
I don't know,
cleaning chitlins or whatever.
- Virginia: Okay.
- Thank you very much.
Nice game today, loser.
Oh, my God.
You're eating in a diner
by yourself.
Who's the loser?
So you want me
to come sit with you?
- Skunk: No.
- No one said that.
Well, all right.
Everybody needs themselves
a little Angelo.
Slide over there, sweet cheeks.
- Dude. (groans)
- (clears throat)
You guys are so lame. (chuckles)
Voice 1: (over radio)
Roger roll, Challenger.
("Houston" by
Slimm the Kid plays)
Voice 2: (over radio)
Good roll program confirmed.
Houston,
Houston, Houston...
Absolutely pouring sweat
Absolutely pouring sweat
- (indistinct chatter)
- (intense music playing)
- (radio chatter)
- (Walt mimics expl*si*n)
- Whoa.
- (radio voices chattering)
(beeping)
Oh. Whoa.
(dramatic music playing)
(groans)
(grunts)
- (groans)
- Ow. What is your problem?
I'm sorry, okay?
Walt: I was counting on you,
- but you're not helping.
- You are not right...
How are you... how... where
what are you doing to help this?
(ball thuds, rattles)
- (groans)
- Stop it.
Skunk: You get back here!
- I might k*ll you today.
- But you can't k*ll me.
- I'm mad at you.
- I'm already dead.
Well, for those of you watching
at home, Walt is tanking.
You wouldn't see
a lonely housewife
eating it this hard
on the Food Network.
- Hey!
- Maybe you would.
It's this ball, man.
I'm telling you,
- something ain't right.
- It doesn't matter anymore.
You already lost this one
and now we're gonna have to do
a bunch of little tournaments
to make up Mozell's money.
But, Walt,
if you drop this last pin,
you beat Linda Curson's
spare record in a single season.
And, and, and that's
just as important as the money.
- To who?
- To both of us, equally.
- Right.
- Plus...
I didn't wanna say anything,
but I'm trying to impress
that guy over there.
I wanna let him know
that I only coach winners.
Are you talking about
that really ugly guy?
No, not that guy.
He's disgusting.
I'm talking about that
guy with the book.
Bring it home, my dude.
Wouldn't it be weird
if we kissed?
You literally disgust me.
So...
Mm.
- You're right.
- Skunk: Yeah.
- (slurping)
- Man: Not my drink.
I got this. I got this,
I got this. I got this.
(ball rumbling)
(scoreboard chiming)
Well, Walt, you broke
one of Linda Curson's records,
but still came in dead last,
starting a new losing streak.
Pretty pathetic,
and everybody's laughing at you.
What are your thoughts on today?
Who's doing this to me, man?
Huh? Tell me, who's doing this?
This is a setup.
You see what happens
when I roll the ball?
It does this spin, okay?
These White folks
don't want me to win.
That's why they're plotting
on me.
It's like, it's like what
Kendrick Lamar be talking about
in his short n*gga
dreadlock raps.
Okay, I didn't understand
a lot of that,
but you seem pretty upset.
Someone's rigging these games
against our boy Walt.
You think it's a coincidence
that he gets closer and closer
to these milestones,
he suddenly starts bowling bad?
- Seems su-picious.
- "Suspicious."
Two different words
that mean the same thing.
Linda: Maybe some records
aren't meant to be broken.
(dramatic ominous music playing)
Oh, my God, it's her!
Could it be...
What do we have here?
Ladies and gentlemen,
we are joined
by none other than
the Michael B. Jordan
of bowling, Linda Curson.
Oh, thank you so much.
I'm so moved.
Thank you, guys.
Love you too.
What the hell are you
doing here, pencil-neck?
Oh, it's good to see you too,
Skunky.
Finally, a real bowler.
Tell us, what brings you out
to the tournament?
Oh, well, I was seeing
so much about this young man,
and when I saw
who was coaching him,
I just had to come down
and find out
what all the hoopla was about.
And should he break my records,
well, I wanna be the first
to congratulate him.
Angelo: As humble and gracious
as she is monstrous
on the lanes.
Nobody's a better champ
than Linda.
What has it been like for you
to watch her coach Walt?
And if you have anything
bad to say about him,
- no need to hold back.
- Oh, no, it's been fantastic.
I mean,
when Skunk tried to go pro,
there were so many people,
- your network included...
- Well.
who felt that it was gonna be
really too difficult
for her to fill my shoes.
And being a female bowler
and coming in so soon
after I retired,
and being my daughter...
(echoing) Daughter...
- daughter... daughter...
- (low-pitched ringing)
Well, a bowling dynasty indeed.
Walt, I bet you must feel the...
the bowling skills
and knowledge...
Nah, I'ma (bleep),
I ain't know about (bleep)
until about a minute ago.
This is embarrassing for me,
okay? (bleep) on the television.
What the (bleep).
Nah, go get the (bleep).
This isn't okay.
What the (bleep) is going on?
Shut the (bleep) up, you (bleep)
whiny piece of (bleep).
Oh! Now someone
has some ba*ls!
Oh, well, now that this
has become Bumfights,
I think we just wanna thank you,
Linda, for stopping by.
And please don't be a stranger.
We love having you.
Oh, thank you so much.
It's very nice to hear that,
because
I have a little bit of news.
Oh? Tell us.
(indistinct arguing continues)
I'm going to return
to pro bowling.
(crowd cheering)
Yes, I mean,
I might be a little bit rusty,
but there is no way
I'm gonna let these two bozos
just take all my glory
without a fight.
(sighs)
Oh, I'm gonna m*rder you clowns.
(tense music playing)
How are your ba*ls, by the way?
I get them checked regularly.
Okay.
Later, b*tch. (kisses)
- All right, see ya.
- Curson the Crusher is back!
- Crowd: Boom!
- Angelo: How about that?
(indistinct excited chatter)
Linda: Of course.
- She's your mom?
- Surprise.
So you knew she was coming
out of retirement.
What... what is this?
Payback for Obama beating
Hillary or something?
Maybe subconsciously,
but I swear to God,
I never would've tricked you
like this.
You did this because
you wanted to get back at her.
I did all of this
because I believe in you.
And if you haven't noticed,
it's working, man.
Tell me the truth,
I still got a chance?
I mean...
- Eh...
- Thought so.
You know, you couldn't have
done this without me.
I'm the star.
It's time I struck out
on my own.
But what about Mozell, dude?
Everybody's got a sob story
to exploit me.
You came with the whole
"this is your purpose" mess.
And, and no, no,
it's time I exploit myself.
Wait, I have to ask you
a question then before you go.
When did you make that bindle?
Angelo: Well, if it isn't
my two biggest enemies.
Hey, I just got this huge pizza.
Maybe you two chodes
can help me scarf it down.
Well, the joke's on you,
'cause I just bought
a second one
just in case you did that,
loser!
- Walt: Eat it with Skunk!
- Angelo: Loser!
- (somber country music playing)
- (indistinct chatter)
Mm. (exhales)
Another one, straight up. Yeah.
You've been drinking Sprite
out of a shot glass.
Want me to just get you
a can of Sprite?
I've been flying off
the lemon lime, man.
Come on, gimme another one.
Lookie here! It's bowling guy.
Townperson 2: Hey, bowling guy.
Bet you want to bowl
right now, huh, bowling guy?
Bowling guy's a little quiet.
Maybe he only speaks
when he's bowling a ball, huh?
You ordering
the chicken fingers,
bowling guy?
(breathes deeply)
I'm really not in the mood
for this,
but if y'all want to test
my gangsta,
let's get into it.
- (crickets chirping)
- (door knocking)
Oh.
(crunches, spits)
- You gonna let me in?
- Come on in and sit on my face.
I hope you're hungry.
She lied to me!
I'm the one with the arm!
I'm the one with the skill!
I'm gonna be fine!
Hey, mister, um,
I'ma gonna be honest with you.
We were just gonna
mess with you until you left,
um...
Yeah,
this feels a lot like therapy.
And therapy, as we all know,
is Jewish voodoo.
Man: (laughs) Yeah.
Oh, you gonna put that on
for me when I get home?
- (yawns)
- Man: Well, I can't wait,
I hope it's tight and rippin'.
I love it when things are
rippin' at the seams on you.
Uh-huh. (breathes heavily)
Okay, well, you better be ready
for me when I get home.
All right.
Who was that, your girlfriend?
No, that was my dog.
What?
I love him very much
and he's a handsome boy.
What?
("Everybody's Clown"
by Johnny Dynamite plays)
Here he comes again
See how he's smiling
Here he comes again...
(sighs)
See how he's tryin'
To please everybody
Though they put him down
Go ahead and laugh
He's everybody's clown...
- Bar patron: Hey.
- Hey.
You're the bowling coach.
We're partying with you.
- You serious?
- Bar patron: Absolutely.
- You payin'?
- Yes!
Let's order some spaghetti.
Ah, with meatballs,
baby, come on.
Will tell you funny jokes
And make you glad
You were there
Come on.
When all the good times
Are around
Go ahead...
(crowd cheering)
He's everybody's clown
(ball thuds)
- (bowling pins clatter)
- (crowd cheering)
Spectator: Got 'em all!
- (baby crying)
- (shushes)
What's the matter, little guy?
Aww,
this is my sweet little boy.
It's okay, it's all right.
(babbles)
- Stop.
- (crying stops)
Yeah, that's better.
Everybody's happy
You can't find
No tears around
When everybody's
laughing...
Yes!
At everybody's clown
But now the party's over
Everyone's going
- Whatever.
- (bird squawks)
They're leaving
hand in hand
- (squawks)
- (shrieks)
They don't care
About knowing...
Who sent you? Who sent you?
(traffic rumbling)
Wow, you took that like a champ.
(groans)
Linda Curson rules!
Hey! Get back here, White boy.
Can't you just see me now
I'm everybody's clown...
I like you.
So I'ma gonna give you a shot.
I won't let you down, Mozell.
It's a promise.
Won't somebody help me now
- (lips trilling)
- (lips trilling)
My mask is falling down...
Uh-uh, Walt, fare.
Paul, you won't believe
what just happened to me.
I... I just got robbed.
Man, I... I don't got nothing.
I don't believe you.
You know the drill.
- (can clatters)
- (grunts)
(dogs barking)
Actor 1: (over TV) Will Daphne
be joining you today?
Actor 2: (over TV) Cut that
slag's throat quite proper.
- (laughs)
- (actors talking indistinctly)
Vicki: Nasty. (laughs)
Walt: Hey, Momma.
Hey, babe.
Mm, why do you smell
like motor oil?
You rode on the front
of the bus again?
Yeah, Ma.
I'm not feeling great,
I'm gonna stay here tonight.
I'm just gonna go take a shower.
Water's off, again.
Then I'm just gonna go
straight to bed.
Vicki: Bed's gone.
I... I had to sell it.
We don't got beds now?
What happened to the money
I gave you?
Mm! Mm.
Huh?
How much did that cost?
What do you think?
(upbeat music playing)
Whoa, there.
Where you headed to, miss?
Let me guess.
You're stopping me
because you wanna hit it raw.
But I'm not that kind of lady.
All right.
I'm gonna get in my car
and drive.
(grunts, laughs)
You really thought
you were gonna be the hero
to catch me slippin'.
(scoffs)
Door.
Oh.
I think somebody painted
my car to look like your car.
So...
Skunk: I'm a barbarian.
I'm an animal, I'm a k*ller.
Especially when it comes
to women.
(growls)
Help me, please.
Help me. Help me, guy.
Come on, come on,
let me out, please.
They're gonna hurt me
really bad.
- I can tell, I can tell.
- Good news.
- You're free to go.
- (exhales)
Suck my t*ts, girls.
(door buzzer blares)
Oh, God.
- You bailed me out?
- Come to Dad.
- You mean "Daddy."
- No, I mean your savior.
Like, wrap yourself
in my salvation, like your dad.
Oh, God.
Can you move your butt
back a little?
What's up, Officer Evans?
Blue lives don't matter,
you dork.
I wanna go back inside.
You see, you see,
my third eye is open...
even though it got glaucoma.
- (ball thuds)
- (growls) Dammit!
- (cell phone buzzing)
- (Walt grunts)
Pastor: We're gathered here
today to lay to rest
two young hoodlums.
Lil' Patience and Half Life...
lived up to their
namesakes all too well.
That's what Patience had...
very little of it.
Half Life, well,
the n*gga
only lived half a life.
(wails)
These two young brothers
are sharing one casket.
Y'all got these boys
in here looking like Twix.
(crying) Oh, let me in there
with 'em, Jesus.
Hold me back, hold me back,
I'm getting in with 'em.
The threesome.
They will be remembered
by those that they loved,
but most passionately
by the people that they hurt.
I'm knocking at the door
saying, "Jesus."
They stole from me.
Where the money go?
- (wails)
- Amen, I guess.
- Crowd: Amen.
- All right.
(whimpers softly)
(g*n clattering)
Oh.
Hey.
What are you doing here?
I just, uh,
I was in the neighborhood.
Um, pretty sad what happened
to Lil' Patience and Half Life.
I guess that's what happens
when you try to steal
Kohl's Cash.
Who's Cole?
No, Kohl's Cash.
They were trying to steal
Kohl's Cash gift cards
from Kohl's,
and they got dropped.
Look, I'm sorry, okay?
I don't know what else to say.
I didn't mean to put you
in a situation
or embarrass you or whatever.
I just, I saw an opportunity
for the both of us
and I took it.
Should I have been more
upfront in the beginning?
I mean, yeah. But...
you know how much I love lying.
Like your driver's license
saying you're an organ donor.
Right? I'm keeping all this.
(scoffs) Idiots.
I thought we had a bond,
you know?
Like those White folks
and Black folks
in the Applebee's commercials.
They would never know
each other in real life,
but in the ads...
they look comfortable
as hell together.
You gotta believe me,
I never ever wanted
this to happen.
You're right about
one thing, though.
I do want revenge.
She ruined my life in ways
that you will never know
or understand,
and I would never ever
be working with her.
And I especially
wouldn't have you involved.
I have love for you, dude.
Think we can beat her?
(sighs)
- Let's get it.
- Yeah!
Missed you, dawg.
Mm, I need you.
(cries) I missed you.
Skunk: (groans) You screwed up
the handshake.
("Champion" by
Mr. Phelps plays)
I put in work and let
The streets talk for me
I ain't gotta say much
Champion's written
All on me...
Faster, faster, faster, faster.
I'm about to
Lead the law on me
If the shoe fits, wear it
I ain't scared of nobody...
Walk towards the pins.
But it's all slippery, isn't it?
Exactly.
So when I say
It's all or nothin'...
Oh!
(laughs, cheers)
The way I rose
From the bottom wasn't easy
- It got you.
- Broke my arm, huh?
Just sitting in the sidelines
Hustling, staying awake...
Building my resume
Keep pushing, no hesitation
Waiting for my shot
And this here
the confirmation
You can see it when I walk
You can hear it when I talk
Hit me in the butt.
When I get up when I fall
I'm a champion
You can see it in my eyes
Take the game by surprise...
(groans)
Yeah, you know how I ride
I'm a champion
You can see it when I walk
You can hear it when I talk
When I get up when I fall
I'm a champion
You can see it my eyes,
Take the game by surprise...
Skunk: You got this.
Oh, my God, he's doing it.
Yes. Be careful.
Yes. Yeah. Straighten out.
Yes, yes! Now!
- Recovery. (chuckles)
- (cheers)
Play a role
Leading to my transition
Yeah, get up when I fall
I'm a champion
You can see it in my eyes
Take the game
by surprise...
Whoo!
That's easier than walking
to you?
You can see it when I walk
You can hear it when I talk
When I get up when I fall
I'm a champion
You can see it in my eyes
Take the game by surprise
Yeah, you know how I ride
I'm a champion
(song concludes)
You have gorgeous form.
- (bowling pins clattering)
- (cash register dings)
Mozell: Oh.
Who been buying
all this Grey Poupon?
- Mm-hmm.
- Hi, Mozell.
Why you bein' all weird
and quiet?
Ain't nothin' good come
from silence.
That's why I scream
all my prayers.
Ain't that right, Father God!
I owe you an apology.
I was being...
immature, and... and selfish.
I got the nicest TV
they had at Target but...
I lost sight
of what was important, you know?
Okay, I forgive you.
You know, I had a few ideas
about what business to open
here back in the day.
Beauty salon, a dessert kitchen,
a g*n range in my garage.
Guess what made me
decide bowling alley?
I don't know. Why'd...
Wait, wait, wait.
Did you just say a g*n range?
I decided bowling alley
because I want to have fun
day in and day out.
You know, so much bad stuff
going on out there.
People that wanna look different
'cause they so sad.
Sugar turns you into an addict.
And g*ns...
Well, you know,
they... they... they're
bad all of a sudden.
But bowling is just what it is.
Oh, people getting together,
having fun.
Oh, forgetting all that stuff.
You see what I'm saying?
Yeah, I think I do.
You know, if I just have fun
and let all that
background noise just fade out,
I'll... do me and win.
What you talking about?
I'm saying
if you don't pull this off,
I'ma have to start
a whole new business here.
- (creature snarling)
- Oh, there the creature!
Oh, get... Get that hoagie...
Get that hoagie out his mouth.
Whoa, hey, come here, come...
- (hisses)
- (both shriek)
Every time I see you
On the go, on the go
Got a show in Atlanta
Pick and roll
("Money Float"
by Balance concludes)
- (upbeat music playing)
- (crowd cheering)
(laughs) Whoo.
Oh, these TLC costumes are
the best decision we ever made.
I don't know, I don't think
they really get it, you know?
'Cause there's only two of us.
We should've went with OutKast.
Do you have any idea
how much brown face paint
I would need for that? Come on.
All right, game time.
This tournament is it.
If you get anything less
than second,
you're out of the finals.
Are you ready?
- (lips trilling)
- (lips trilling)
(dramatic music playing)
(laughs)
Oh, I keep meaning to ask.
What are these things?
Uh, this is a condom.
Never seen one.
Angelo: Linda has secured
her spot in the championship.
And now, Walt.
- (kisses)
- (crowd cheering)
(kisses)
- That's my sweet man.
- That's right.
(grunts)
(crowd cheering)
Skunk: You're scaring them,
Walt. They're so scared.
I'm your high school bully.
I'm gonna push you into a locker
and dry hump your a*s.
Are you crying?
They're crying, Walt.
(crowd cheering)
He the b*mb!
Spectator: Shut up, White girl!
Okay, sorry.
That's on me. Sorry.
And comes back to life.
Crowd: (chanting)
Walt! Walt! Walt!
- (grunts)
- (crowd cheering)
Am I allowed to say
something now?
- Spectator: Stop talking!
- That's fine.
I'm sorry for even asking.
Angelo: If Walt nails this shot,
this will be his first
perfect game on the tour,
which may come as a surprise
to most viewers
as he has claimed
on this very show
to have had multiple 300 games.
We would like to state
once again that he is lying.
He also claims to be
Anderson Cooper's cousin.
But skin wise,
how does that work?
(ball whooshing)
- (Walt grunts)
- (ball thudding)
Yes!
(crowd cheering)
Whoo! Yeah!
Oh, my God, dude,
I'm so proud of you.
The only thing
that could be better than this
- is a threesome.
- Man, you have to let that go.
With your dreams,
'cause you're playing me
in the finals.
Walt: Wrong.
You're gonna be playing me
in the finals.
- And me.
- And me.
- Ooh, who are you?
- I'm one of Walt's cousins.
- Linda: I'll say.
- You is?
Hey, look, n*gga,
I need 36 dollars.
Hello.
I also need a cumberbund,
unused.
If I smell cologne on it,
I'ma gonna know
it was used in a prom.
Burgundy.
You're from the tall side
of the family.
- Cousin: Yeah.
- We're not family.
How you know?
Skunk: Hmm?
Linda: I have both.
- A burgundy cumberbund?
- I got it all.
- Burgundy?
- Everything.
And the 36 dollars?
Linda: And I don't ask
any questions.
Let's get it, shawty.
Let's get it, shawty.
We a team.
(news jingle plays)
After months of nonstop travel
and tournaments,
we are now only days out
from the S.L.O.B finals.
This season has been the wildest
in the history of the sport.
First, we have
the arrival of Walt,
who in any other universe
would be the assistant manager
of a T-Mobile kiosk
at your local mall.
He has become
the new face of the game,
only to see the resurrection
of bowling's greatest superstar,
Linda Curson.
We are about to find out
if Walt's a flop
or if Linda is past her prime,
'cause looks-wise, she's not,
and personally, I'm willing
to give it a go at any point.
(doorbell ringing)
Yo.
No.
(door squeaking)
Good to see you too, Mom.
Sure, I'll let myself in.
You really shouldn't smoke.
Oh, drunk girl
is giving advice now?
Well, I've been sober
for a few...
Hours?
Wow. Okay.
I thought I was gonna come here
and we'd have
a nice conversation
before the championship, no?
I handed you a pro career
and you just drank it away.
And now you're coaching
some would-be statistic
whose luck is running out.
(scoffs) God, if you'd only
just listened to me.
But here I am at 41...
- (scoffs)
- All right, 43, 45, whatever.
You forced all this on me.
I didn't get to choose
what I wanted to do.
You think I would've
picked bowling?
Okay. Point taken.
But what about after bowling?
You had the chance
to turn your life around.
You didn't.
You didn't do anything.
I'm sorry, but I just...
I wash my hands of this.
You love bowling more
than you've ever loved me.
I...
love...
(groans softly)
...you.
Well, I hate you.
Suit yourself.
That's enough.
- What?
- Linda: Not you.
(sniffs) Thank you, goddess.
Oh, my God.
(upbeat music playing)
Angelo: Two months on the road,
two competitors left,
for 200,000 dollars.
- It's the main event.
- (crowd cheering)
Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls,
and all the people in between,
welcome to
the S.L.O.B strike finals
at the National Bowling Arena.
Let's make some noise.
(crowd cheering)
Well, he needs no introduction,
but you're forcing me
to give him one.
He is the Black Boy of Bowling,
the Loser of the Lanes,
- the Pauper of the Pins.
- n*gga, stop playing with me.
Let's make some noise for Walt.
(crowd cheering)
- Hey, Mama.
- (chuckles) Hey, boy.
- Say hey to Renee.
- Hi.
Leave me alone.
Listen, I am so proud
of you, hun.
I mean, I... I don't
understand any of this.
Mm-mm, but before I forget...
you owe me two months' rent.
Uh, I, uh, gotta bowl,
so let's talk about
this later, huh? Okay.
Square up with me, little n*gga!
(forced laugh) Funny.
(both fake laugh)
- Walt, let me holla at you.
- Are you 21?
'Cause legally, you shouldn't
be here if you're not.
Okay, no distractions.
Just do everything you're doing.
- You got this, okay?
- (sighs deeply)
(both chuckle)
Okay, remember, no distractions.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
That's what's up.
Mm, wish me luck.
All right.
We really should ask
which sport they play
when they say they're athletes.
Girl, did you have
sushi for lunch?
My bad.
And next up, we have
the Dame of Destruction,
the Queen of Kings,
the One True Lord,
Linda Curson, "The Crusher!"
(crowd cheering, applauding)
(exciting music playing)
Ooh! (laughs)
Angelo: Well, this is the final
match of the tournament.
And I can feel the excitement
coursing through
my very trousers.
Linda Curson versus Walt...
Still haven't gotten
the last name.
Competitors, prepare to bowl.
(crowd cheering, chanting)
What, are you copying me?
- What, are you copying me?
- Are you copying me?
Stop it.
- Stop it.
- Stop it.
I'm a big fat idiot.
What... Ah...
(tense music playing)
I am gonna k*ll you.
Mm. You are so sexy.
But it will have
to be after my threesome
with those beautiful stallions
over there.
Oh, ladies? Hmm.
Maybe they went to the bathroom?
- (crowd cheering)
- (exciting music playing)
Just lose already, will you?
I wanna get home
and watch Joe Rogan.
He's interviewing the sick bat
that started COVID.
I actually really wanna
check out that interview too.
So let's roll.
Don't choke like
you did mid-season.
That wasn't me.
My ba*ls were messed up, like...
(mysterious music playing)
How are your ba*ls, by the way?
(echoing) ba*ls, by the way...
ba*ls...
You.
You changed
the weight of my ball.
Oh, God, I would never
do something like that.
Angelo!
It happens. It happens, folks.
The system's rigged!
It's been rigged, I knew it!
- (yells)
- Walt.
Hey, Walt. Wait, wait, wait.
No, Skunk, they...
they set me up.
Moi?
Of course they did, man.
They're... they're White.
And not the good kind of White
like me and John Cena,
the bad kind, like Shaun King.
Yeah.
But we got through
all that, didn't we?
None of that even
matters anymore.
This is it, dude, look around.
This is all for you.
- (crowd cheering)
- (uplifting music playing)
Crowd: (chanting)
Walt! Walt! Walt!
Skunk: You gotta win this,
man, okay?
For you. For me.
But most importantly,
Mozell, Alleycatz, okay?
- (inhales sharply)
- Skunk: We can do this.
Linda's tough, man, she's great.
But she doesn't know
what time it is.
Yeah. It's Nygga Time.
Ah, that is still
really hard to digest.
- (triumphant music playing)
- Okay, you got this.
Crowd: You got this.
(crowd cheering, chattering)
Walt: Oh! She feel me now, yeah!
(crowd cheering)
(crowd booing)
Walt: Let's go!
This is my house. Tie game.
That bat's gonna have to wait.
Spectator: Don't worry, Linda.
- (bowling pins clattering)
- (crowd cheering)
This isn't even
your apartment, baby.
- (ball thudding)
- (bowling pins clattering)
- Yes! Whoo!
- (crowd cheering)
- (ball thudding)
- (bowling pins clattering)
- (crowd cheering)
- Turkey time.
Angelo: What a close game.
One missed pin could
decide everything.
I've seen Linda sweat before,
but never when she knew
I was in the room.
- (ball thudding)
- (bowling pins clattering)
- (crowd cheering)
- Yes!
Well, that was
absolutely necessary
if Walt wanted
to make this a contest.
(lips trilling)
(crowd trilling)
That's a pigeon noise,
not a turkey.
Oh, is it?
It actually
is a pigeon sound, dude.
Then why do they call
pigeons tiny turkeys?
Walt...
Two turkeys happening right now.
Like an interracial couple
celebrating Thanksgiving.
(dramatic music playing)
(crowd cheering)
(screams)
(screams)
(roars)
- (bowling pins clattering)
- (crowd cheering)
Angelo: Linda is on a tear
that even she in her prime
would be jealous of.
And boy, can women be jealous.
Mindy, I'm talking about you.
(clippers buzzing)
It wasn't a damn plane
that hit the Pentagon.
- Whoops.
- Hold on there, Rico.
Crowd: (chanting)
Walt! Walt! Walt!
- (ball thudding)
- (bowling pins clattering)
(crowd cheering)
What about building
number seven?
Third building to fall
that day, no plane.
- Walt: Come on.
- Crowd: Linda! Linda! Linda!
Angelo: This is the most
competitive final
we have ever witnessed.
And I thought I saw Sinbad
in the crowd earlier.
Turns out wasn't him.
My apologies again to Andre.
All day.
I think it's time I bring out
that special technique.
Are y'all ready for the arm?
(crowd cheering, chattering)
Yes.
(ball whooshing)
(crowd cheering)
(crowd groans)
Ah! Well, it's about time.
Walt gets a niner
on his first shot. (chuckling)
(somber music playing)
Oh, no, honey.
We all have bad days, kid.
- Skunk: Who are you?
- Walt!
- And what do you want?
- I wanna win!
Nice.
Angelo: I know you guys
can't hear it,
but I have been
really handing it
to you two on the telecast,
like making fun
of you mercilessly.
And it's so funny,
people are losing it.
Hey, where should we
all hang afterwards?
Oh, you can ride with me.
I just got a four-door
Mazda Miata.
Got it in a police auction.
Creamy green. Yeah.
I feel like I'm interrupting.
All right.
Four-door?
Sometimes I even get bored
when I'm out on the lane.
I'm like, "Hello?
Are we there yet?" (laughs)
Do you know
that movie, um, Ice Cube?
Did you see that one?
Oh, you have? That's great.
- (laughs) You guys.
- Oh, look who's here.
You're so funny.
Listen, I did wanna
say though, good game.
And congratulations
on your return.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Linda: Oh.
Wait, sorry, buzz, buzz, buzz.
Hold on. Sorry.
Hey, Dad, what's up?
How's Sharon doing?
Oh, she's such
a good fit for you.
And that body's nuts, huh?
(chuckles)
- All right. That's enough.
- I love you. I love Sharon.
Yeah, Sharon, bye.
She's my stepmom,
but she's so much more.
Man, I wish there was a word
that meant more than stepmom.
- I mean, mom.
- b*tch, that means a lot.
That's for a female dog
and Sharon.
No, I'm not at a farm,
I already told you.
All right, Daddy,
I love you so much. Okay.
- Bye-bye.
- Man, love that guy.
Oh, yeah. How's Sharon?
- She's great.
- (chuckles) Oh, good.
Crazy, like...
- Butt... yeah.
- Tiny.
A little bit anorexic.
Just a tab.
I mean, whatever works,
you know?
Okay, yeah. You need to go now.
Mm-hmm.
(crowd cheering)
Spectator:
Come on, Linda, you got this.
(upbeat music playing)
- (crowd gasps)
- No!
(crowd booing)
You got this! I love you, Mama!
You go, girl!
- (crowd cheering)
- Hmm.
- Your mom is sexy.
- Shut up, dude.
- I'm just saying, she's got it.
- Nope.
Angelo: Well,
this is really something.
We have got ourselves
a good old-fashioned
nailbiter here, folks.
So whoever wins
will have an amazing story.
Is this Curson's return
to the throne?
Will Walt lose
and fulfill his destiny
as a mechanic who never quite
fixes your car properly?
We'll find out
when we come back,
returning to the tenth frame
of the S.L.O.B championship.
I don't know what to do, Skunk.
She's good.
- Really good.
- I know,
but everything
that we have been training for
- is for this moment, okay?
- Mm-hmm.
Everything we've gone through
is for this.
- Yeah. (exhales)
- Okay?
Hey, have you seen those
two girls I was with earlier?
Yeah, man, they left.
They told me to tell you they,
uh, charged your Uber account.
I have to start
protecting my heart more.
(kisses)
We are back at the S.L.O.B
Strike Championship,
sponsored by Big Tobacco.
If you like your tobacco big,
look no further
than Big Tobacco.
We have a dead heat here
between two
unlikely competitors.
And it has really
become anyone's game
in the tenth frame.
Walt is up first.
Crowd: (chanting)
Walt! Walt! Walt!
Angelo: You can feel
the tension in the air
as Walt gets ready
to open the tenth frame.
Three strikes here would
make Walt our champion,
but a single miss would
leave the door open
for Curson to win.
Just like her famous comeback
at the championships in 1992.
And I'm leaving my door
open so Linda can come...
You know what?
No, that... that's too far.
(upbeat music playing)
- Whoo!
- Angelo: Whoa.
Just like a straightening
comb on a stove,
Walt is off to a hot start.
Two more of those
and this thing is done.
(tense music playing)
Crowd: (chanting)
Walt! Walt! Walt!
(crowd cheering)
Angelo: This kid is not
crumbling under the pressure.
All that's standing between Walt
and a championship
are ten more pins.
He's about to go all 187
on Curson's hopes of winning.
(crowd cheering)
(tense music playing)
Skunk: Bowling is what you
were put on this earth to do.
- Hey, Mama. (chuckles)
- Hey. (chuckles)
(chuckles) Oh, no. Look at you!
- I love this.
- Yes!
(ball thudding)
(crowd gasping)
Angelo: Oh, a miss!
What a time to fall short.
All Linda Curson needed
was a sliver of hope.
And now, as she's done
many times before,
it looks like she's gonna
come roaring back
to win this thing.
Just like racism
in America, this is over.
(somber music playing)
- I'm sorry.
- You're golden.
If you win,
you have to have sex with me.
(crowd cheering)
Crowd: Ah, boom!
(crowd cheering)
This was never gonna be yours.
Crowd: Ah, boom!
(crowd cheering)
(crowd cheering)
Angelo: She wins, she wins!
Oh, my God. She wins!
Oh, my God. Linda wins.
Not surprised,
but balance has been restored.
And proving once and for all
that women came be
useful after 40.
Linda: We did it.
And I just wanna thank
all of you who had my back
and who believed that
I could come back and do this.
And also, well, I want to
thank my competitor, Walter,
who I really think could
be something someday,
like a garbage man
or a janitor in Wakanda.
What?
And then my Skunky,
my little girl.
Thank you so much.
Come on, stand up.
That's a girl. Stand up, up.
Oh, well, she's a little shy.
Oh, now he's shy.
Well, anyway, thank you.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you. (kisses)
What's good?
Oh, nothing much.
You were good out there.
- It was all right.
- Mm.
I know what I messed up.
But... hey,
wouldn't have gotten this far
without you, so thank you.
You would've.
And you deserve
every minute of this.
Man, I just cannot beat her.
It's not about that anymore.
And you've definitely matured
during this process
and you taught me a lot,
you know?
I think the moral
of the story really is...
- (grunts)
- (glass shattering)
(thrilling music playing)
(sighs) What were you saying?
Can I key this?
Buddy, you gotta.
Walt: Ooh-hoo-hoo.
Just because, you know?
Yeah, she saw this coming.
She had to, right?
- She can't be that upset.
- Nah.
Well, you gonna need a job
now that the season's over?
(chuckles) Absolutely.
Well, how long can you
kneel under a table?
As long as you need me to.
Okay, we gotta get
the hell outta here
before she comes out here.
Walt: But I do have
to get my coat.
- Huh? Walt.
- Walt: And my bowling bag.
I'm so sorry, Mozell.
We really, really tried.
Yeah, I love this place, really.
If I could do it all over again,
you know I would.
Well, I had my time here.
(chuckles)
But I think God is telling me
to open a small g*n range
in my garage.
Whatever you do, Mozell,
just remember, I need a job.
You're a pro bowler now.
What are you talking about?
Mm-mm, if I don't succeed
at something immediately,
I'm through.
That's why I can't read.
Skunk: You're so brave.
You... you won yourself
a little bit of money, huh?
- So, what you gonna do with it?
- Uh...
- Well, get this.
- Mm-hmm?
Did you know we needed to pay
taxes on money if you won it?
Because really,
you know, I lost.
I... I don't have any money,
that's what I'm saying.
Ah. Here it is! I got it.
I got the good news.
Mm-mm, dude, we don't have time
to read your revisions
to the Bible.
We just wanna enjoy
our last night in this building.
(sighs) I greet you
all with the trumpets
of the mighty Seraphim
sounding behind me.
I did some research
on this building
because I knew
that something historic
had happened to our people
at Alleycatz.
- What? What was it?
- Uh, nothing actually.
It's a pretty standard building
except for that time
that B2K's uncle stopped by
to use the bathroom
while on tour.
I remember that.
Yeah, then it dawned on me.
- Read it, my Vantablack victor.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh...
Nice effort, buddy. Yeah.
(mumbles)
"With the undeniable
contributions
of Walt becoming
the city's first
African American championship
losing bowler,
the committee hereby declares
Alleycatz Bowling Alley
a historic landmark,
as its preservation is critical
in the legacy
of the commonwealth."
"With such status,
very minimal changes
may be made to the building,
and major tax incentives
will be enacted
to keep ownership
from changing hands."
"A plaque with Walt's face
and the words
'Championship Loser'
shall be engraved into the
entrance of the building."
- (Brotha Candy chuckling)
- Wait, this means...
By Walt losing,
he saved the Alley!
Oh, thank you, Jesus.
(overlapping chatter)
Skunk: You little losing freak!
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Mozell: Whoo!
Maybe we could get that
plaque to say, you know,
"Pro Bowler," or something.
They suggested that down
at City Hall, but I decided
it should have your official
title on it, brother.
- Well, we can still change it.
- It's too late.
It's being made as we speak.
Let us rejoice.
- Skunk: Whoo!
- Change the damn plaque!
Are you wearing that gold chain
or is that gold chain
wearing you? (laughs)
Y'all ain't heard of it.
("Dirty Harry"
by Gorillaz plays)
I need a g*n
To keep myself among
The poor people
Who are burning in the sun
But they ain't got a chance
They ain't got a chance
I need a g*n
'Cause all I do is dance
- Toughen up!
- (child grunts)
'Cause all I do is dance...
You all right? Breathe.
Your form was off
and you know it.
You have bad breath.
There's something wrong
with your teeth.
You did such a good job today.
Other than you...
Where's that big forehead,
small eye Walt at?
Hey!
Brotha Candy: Okay, kids.
All right, boys and girls.
Disciples, let's go this way.
Quit pointing out my two
biggest insecurities, n*gga.
Who asking 'bout me?
Billy Slick, the first Black man
to win a championship
in bowling.
- (dramatic music playing)
- (crowd cheering)
Billy Slick is about
to get slapped with Walt.
Ah, that's his name.
It's been on the tip
of my tongue this whole time.
Walt: Come here, n*gga.
You ain't the only n*gga
in them lanes no more, playboy.
Who else is gonna be there?
Talking about us.
- Oh.
- Oh, okay.
- (scoffs) I'm so scared.
- Yeah.
(chuckles)
Well, check out my boys.
The Three Kings.
Get them lanes.
("The Glass Prison"
by Dream Theater plays)
(ba*ls thudding)
Yes.
(bowling pins clattering)
We have already
qualified for the tour,
so if I was you, I'd stay here.
Unless you're gonna go up there
and get your feelings hurt.
Corny n*gga.
Walt. Walter.
No, we gonna take care
of these n*gg*s... easy.
(whistles)
What about us?
What you gonna do
about all of us, bro?
Um...
Who are you?
We're the non-binary bowlers.
We'll never figure them out.
They're so frickin' mysterious.
Yeah, we gonna have
to handle this.
Okay, yeah, I know.
I have two g*ns.
I'll put one in the top
of the toilet for you.
Handle this on tour.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Yeah, I'm with you.
(chuckles) Duh.
Run fast
From the wreckage of the past
A shattered glass
Prison wall behind me
(music stops)
I do not know
how to be tough like this.
(dynamic music playing)
(upbeat music playing)
(music continues)
(organ music playing)
(music concludes)
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Gutter, The (2024)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters, Maskath3, sidolanters, GabrielAlejo2341