01x11 - Monkees à la Carte

[bunniefuu]

- Oh, here you go, Pete.
- Thanks.

- Can I have some cheese?
- Cheese down here.

Peter, get enough salami.

- That would make a great sandwich.
- Mushrooms here.

- Hey, is there horseradish?
- Hey, back down here.

Horseradish is down here.

Michael.

Hey! Look how early Pop's
dinner tray's getting here.

Business should be good.

Good evening, gentlemen.
May I show you to your table?

Blow.

Alright, Pop.
Get rid of the punks.

Hey, now wait a minute!

Go and get ready. Here,
a person can get hurt, you know.

Please!

Mr. Fuselli, I told you my
restaurant is not for sale.

Hey, Pop, would you like to
see your mother roughed up?

My mother's been dead for
the last twenty years.

Do you think that'll stop me?

Hey, are those guys hoods?

They're not social workers.

You're a sensible man, Pop.
Now I own the joint. Scram. Ah!

Hey, Pop, wait!

You punks don't work here anymore.
Now get out before I throw you out.

Now, wait a minute.
You can't push us around.

Davy-

You're pretty tough with an old man.
How about trying someone your own size?

There ain't nobody here my size.

Maybe you should get
out of the business.

Yeah.

You're pretty tough with
a g*n in your hand.

You're pretty tough with
a fist in your hand.

Here we come, walkin'
down the street

We get the funniest looks
from every one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees,
and people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
to put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly,
come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation,
and we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees,
you never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,
we may be comin' to your town

It is proposed that we
do everything within our

power to get the
restaurant back to Pop.

Point of order. I would like to
say that Fuselli is a rough,

vicious, mean type of person.

He's just an average hood.

Now look, I'm telling you, that guy's tough.
He even wears a pinstripe suit.

What's so tough about that?

It's got real pins in it.

We have a motion to deal with Mr. Fuselli.
Can I have suggestions from the floor?

Floor has nothing to say.

Try the wall.

The wall says, "Try the ceiling".

Alright then, it's voted
and agreed that we try and

get the restaurant back
from Mr. Fuselli.

What vote? Was I out of
the room or something?

What do we do about Pop?

Peter, get down from there!
We've already voted.

What vote?

Micky, will you please read him the
minutes of the meeting?

A minute and twelve seconds.
That's a new meeting record!

Rocco, by the time I'm finished,
I will own a chain

of restaurants in every
major city in the west.

Good, boss; I get hungry on the road.

Hi. We're The Monkees, remember?

Rocco, hm!

Boss, there's a guitar
in this guitar case.

What do you want?

Well, Mr. Fuselli, we thought we'd
come and re-apply for our job.

I don't need no musicians.

Yeah, but the people like us.

But I don't like you.

We work cheap.

I'm beginning to like you.
Do you wait on tables?

Ah, sure.

Peter?

More.

More! More.

Alright, now take 'em
into the kitchen, fast.

Go, baby, go!

Come on, yeah!

Go, go, yes, yes, yes, yes, yay! Ah!

Hey, I'm impressed; he didn't
break a dish. You're hired.

- Hey!
- Thank you, Mr. Fuselli.

Thank you.

Hey, way to go, Pete.

- Yeah, we got the job.
- Three cheers for Peter.

Hurray! Hurray!

Hurray!

Alright, now that you're working for me,
I want to make one thing very clear.

Get uh! You got any funny
ideas about the law,

I want you should know how we
treat people we don't like.

Do I make myself clear?

Oh, yeah? Then maybe we
should make something clear.

This is the way we treat people
that we don't like.

What did I do?

I don't know, man, but don't do it again.

There's work to do, so let's get to it.
You're gonna be chefs, dishwashers,

musicians, hat check girls, cooks,
cigarette girls. Why are you standing here?

I'm Not Your Steppin' Stone

I'm Not Your Steppin' Stone

You're making your mark in society

Using all the tricks that you used on me

All them high fashion magazines

The clothes you're wearin',
girl, are causing public scenes

I'm Not Your Steppin' Stone

I'm Not Your Steppin' Stone

Not your steppin' stone

Not your steppin' stone

I met you, girl, you
didn't have no shoes

Now you're walking
'round like you're front page news

You've been awful,
careful 'bout the friends you choose

But, you won't have my name
in your book of who's who

I'm Not Your Steppin' Stone

I'm Not Your Steppin' Stone

Not your steppin' stone

Not your steppin' stone

Not your steppin' stone

Not your steppin' stone
Not your steppin' stone

Not your steppin' stone

Not your steppin' stone
Not your steppin' stone

Hey, fellas, this is not gonna
work out; we better get some help.

I want to thank you boys for coming.

And if you're willing to help,
we may be able to put Fuselli behind bars,

but I must warn you, you'll be
dealing with dangerous, vicious men.

Gee, you don't look so vicious,
inspector. He's fine.

The only members of the Syndicate
we've captured belong to

the Purple Flower g*ng, but we
caught all four of 'em.

How did you do that?

We went from flower to
flower to flower.

That's beautiful.

But remember, we must link
Fuselli to the Syndicate.

This may be dangerous;
these are violent men.

Well, we're pretty violent too.

You know how we treat men
that we don't like? Watch.

We've got to get his fingerprints.

Is it true that there are no
two fingerprints alike in the world?

Right. Come on.

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Fuselli, uh,

could you please test this
wine to see if it's alright?

Is it true that there are no two
glove prints alike in the world?

Hello, Red? Fuselli. Get in
touch with the Syndicate,

and tell them I will
contact them soon.

Come here, guys, I think I got
something hot! Now listen to this.

Come here, guys, I think I got
something hot! Now listen to this.

This should do it.
Once we blow this safe,

we should find out all we need to
know about Mr. Fuselli. Quick.

Okay. Contact.

Hey, we'll have to make
the safe into a desk.

Move it over here.
Okay, easy, easy.

They'll never know the difference.

Boys, the restaurant is closed
for business tonight.

I'm having a dinner meeting
with some very nice people.

The Syndicate? Nice people?
That's funny, boss. Ha ha ha.

Shut up, Rocco!

Right, boss.

I want you to get the place ready.
I want great food and A-one service.

- Ha ha ha, that's funny.
- That's right.

- That's very funny.
- Shut up!

Right, boss.

Here, sit down. Sit down.

We gotta contact the inspector.

Sure, but how? Fuselli won't let us
out in the middle of the meeting.

Yeah, Rocco's guarding the front door.

And the food'll get cold.

Waiters, service!

Gentlemen and lady, the meeting
will now come to order.

For reasons of self-protection,
none of us has ever met before.

So, uh, introduce yourselves.

Red O'Leary, bank robbery and protection.

Big Flora, fraud and extortion.

Paddy the Fix, drugs and, uh,
diamond smuggling.

I'm, uh, B-B-Benny the Book, and,
uh, b-b-book-making and numbers.

Peter Tork, guitar and bass trombone.

Shut up.
All present and accounted for,

except for the members of
the Purple Flower g*ng.

Now, as to the reason for this meeting-

Oh, meeting.

Oh.

What are you doing?
What are you doing?

Alright, you kids, out!

Ah, come on.
We won't-come on, let's-

Out! Shut up! I'm gonna
k*ll that little one.

Rocco. Gentlemen and lady,

I am planning to spread my
operation to the north side.

Listen, these guys have never
seen each other before tonight,

and the Purple Flower g*ng
is behind bars, get it?

- Got it.
- Good.

Therefore, I am leaving the rest
of the city to the four of you.

Are there any objections?

Yeah. The Purple
Flower g*ng objects.

The Purple Flower g*ng?
I thought they were away for good.

Hey, if you're the Purple Flower g*ng,
why you wearing white carnations?

You know how tough it is to
get purple flowers, baby?

I thought you guys
were in the state pen.

We busted out yesterday.

Oh yeah?

Me and the boys sure are tired.

Yeah, exhausted.

Fatigued.

And very hungry.

Oh, sure. Waiters!

No, don't bother the waiters-

No, little water here is fine.

Water and bread is fine.
I'm used to water and bread.

What are you talking about?
You've got to eat something.

I'd like a dish of spaghetti
like you guys and maybe

a side of ravioli with some grated cheese.

You want four dinners? Right.
Okay, kids, four dinners!

Wait a minute! Before the Purple
Flower g*ng eats anywhere,

we checks out the kitchen to make
sure the food ain't poison.

Right.

I usually bring a dog
along to check for poison.

Well, w-w-where is he?

He hates Italian food.

One of us has got to go
and get the inspector.

Okay, let's choose for it.

Okay, pick a number
between one and ten.

Um, fourteen.

Right. Peter, you go.

Huh? What about my spaghetti?

Nobody leaves the meeting.

Oh yeah? Who says so?

This g*n says so.

Oh yeah? Well, this g*n says I go.

Oh yeah. Hurry back.

And for you, O'Leary,
I got this little corner.

Just a minute, Fuselli.
The Syndicate has always believed

in maintaining the status quo,
h* h*. Waiter, some water!

I'll tell him.

You want a vote, huh? Okay,
O'Leary, we're gonna have a vote.

Water, sir.

If we are going to have a vote,
get that Purple guy in here.

Yes, sir.

Yeah, let's have a vote. That's democratic.

T'all depends on who's counting the votes.

Yeah.

Okay, let's vote.

Fellas, before we take a vote,
why don't we calm

ourselves down with a toast?
Waiter! Some wine.

Eh, I'll tell him.

- Here's the wine.
- Thanks, honey.

Hey, th-th-that's white wine.
We should t-t-toast to red.

Uh, that's a very good
year for white wine.

Waiter, r-red!

I'll get him.

Hey, th-th-that's
pretty good service.

Say, fellas, we could turn the lights
down low and vote by candlelight.

Red wine, sir.

Waiter, get the Purple
guy in here for the toast.

Hey, waiter. I don't drink.
Give me some ginger ale.

That's not my station.

Man, I hope Peter
gets the cops okay.

Stay cool.
What could go wrong?

Boy, am I glad to see you.

Grab him! It's the
Purple Flower g*ng!

Hey, wait a minute!

I thought we had all
these guys in the can.

Then this must be another one.
You can always tell by the flower.

My flower's white, white!

Don't try to kid me; I know how tough
it is to find purple flowers.

Since we are all in
agreement as to the split,

and there is no further business-

Not so fast.
I have some more business.

Yeah, so do I.

I'm not so sure you split
the city up fairly.

Now I think we can be
agreed to a man.

That includes you too, Big Flora.

Now, I think the city should be
split up into nine equal parts.

Hey.

Fuselli's trying to
cheat you, Big Flora.

Now, Flora should get this here.

That's right, Fuselli.

Now, Paddy the Fix should get this.

Hey, thanks for the info.
Hey, I want that section.

And we can give this to Benny the Book.

Fuselli's doing you
in a double cross.

That's right, F-F-Fuselli.

And Red O'Leary should get this.

You don't say.
That's mine, Fuselli.

So, Fuselli is now left with this.

You win. I win.

Fuselli, you're a two-timing,
double-crossing, cigar smoking rat.

Watch what you're saying, Red;
I don't smoke cigars!

Got you there, Red.

Got you again.

Three out of five.

I tell you, I'm not a member
of the Purple Flower g*ng.

Look, punk-

Take it easy, Paul. Now,
we're all friends here.

Would you like some coffee?

Cream? Sugar?

Two lumps?

Get this young man some coffee.

And a cheese Danish.

Talk, punk!

Alright, Fuselli, that's my territory!

Yeah, and that one
right there, that's mine!

Yeah!

That's my territory!

Okay, okay. Wait a minute.

What happened to my city? My city!

You're tearing up my city!

Beautiful, there's a
school right there.

Yeah, Seamens Bank job
was mine, and the, uh,

filling station over on Essex.

- Are you getting all that?
- Yeah.

And the sinking of the
Lusitania was mine.

Uh, and the Brink's robbery
of fifty-seven was mine.

And, of course, the Great
Train Robbery was mine.

Is that all?

One more thing.
Take a letter to my mother.

Fuselli, this room isn't big
enough for all of us.

Agreed.

We'll split.

You heard me good.

Yeah!

Ah!

Man, we've got to stop this sh**ting
or we're gonna get k*lled.

Hey-

Hold it! Hold it! Come on.

The director thought we should
have a pretty girl in the show.

Thank you, sweetheart.
Ah, okay. Let's go.

Heh heh heh, I won again.

Ha ha ha. Another game?

Five people should be
able to get along.

Four? Can't mature individuals
resolve their differences?

Can any of you talk this
thing over peaceably?

Now, why don't you two guys
shake hands and be friends?

I won.

Look what you've done, Mr. Fuselli;
you k*lled everybody in the room.

You d-d-d-dirty rat.

It's the Purple Flower g*ng.

Ah, is the meeting over?

Well, how do you like
that, inspector?

Yeah.

You're under arrest!

Huh?

I'm Not Your Steppin' Stone

I'm Not Your Steppin' Stone

Not your steppin' stone

Not your steppin' stone

Not your steppin' stone
Not your steppin' stone

Play for me, boys.
Play like you used to.

She told me that she loved me,

And like a fool I believed
her from the start

She

She said she'd never hurt me,

But then she turned
around and broke my heart

Why am I standing here

Missing her and wishing
she were here?

She only did me wrong

I'm better off alone

She

she devoured all my sweet love,

Took all I had and
then she fed me dirt

She

she laughed while I was crying

It was such a joke
to see the way it hurt

Why am I standing here

Missing her and wishing
she were here?

She only did me wrong

I'm better off alone

And now I know just why she,
Keeps me hanging 'round,

She needs someone to walk on

So her feet don't touch the ground

But I love her, love her.
I need her, need her

I want her [want her]
Yeah [yeah] yeah [yeah]

She

Why am I standing here

Missing her and wishing
she were here?

She only did me wrong

I'm better off alone

[She] why am I missing her?

[She] I should be kissing her