01x25 - Alias Micky Dolenz

[bunniefuu]

Well, now, is it too much to
ask the two of you to come up

with a subject for our annual
Young America issue? Rob Roy?

Madame Quagmeyer, I've photographed
a dozen possibilities.

Davies Van Patten, the polo champion.
Vernon Equinox, the socialite.

Stale, stale, stale! What we
need is something fresh and new.

Madame Q, I met a group of boys
last week that were all that and more.

Ah. Possible. Possible.

Long-haired weirdos.

Hideous. But what
difference does it make?

We'll make them over
into our own image.

Huh.

Hm?

I guess it came by special
messenger or something.

Found it laying on the doorstep.

Hey, we don't subscribe to
Chic magazine, do we?

I'm hip.
It's a fashion magazine.

Says here, "Necklines are
plunging lower every year.

This year, the V will go down to
the tummy in something of a peekaboo effect.

Get into the swing of fashions
and have your own naval observatory."

You must be joking.

You're right. I am;
it doesn't say that at all.

Here, give me that.
Hey, hey, listen to this.

"Why not take little metal bottle tops
and nail them to your living room floor?

It gives you the impression
that you are walking

upon little metal bottle tops."

Hey, look.
There's a letter in here.

What's it say?

It's from, it's from
a Madame Quagmeyer.

She probably signs her
name in brown ink too.

How did you know?

Hey, this is, this is for real.

It says we've been chosen as the
typical young Americans of the year.

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing...

I don't like that typical
young person stuff.

Hey, this magazine isn't so bad, guys.

I mean, it's got a lot of
silly articles, I know,

about like clothes and,
and hair and stuff like that,

but it's also got a serial every month.
This month, it's cornflakes.

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

The Monkees brought
to you by Kellogg's

K-E double L, O double good,

Kellogg's best to you

This letter says that the writer and
photographer should be here any minute.

Hark! I hear a knock upon yon door.

Ooh!

Oh, hello. Uh, why don't
you, uh, come in?

Hi. I-I'm, uh, Micky Do-aye.

They won't do.

Wait-wait-wait.
Wait a minute, what do? Do what?

Do. Do.

I beg to differ with you.

Madame Quagmeyer wrote us a
letter and said we would do.

I'm not sure what kind of do,
but we'll do something.

I'm Rob Roy Fingerhead,
the chief staff photographer.

This is Toby Willis;
she'll write the story.

You see, what we wanna do is show
what you are and the way you live.

What, huh huh, you wanna get
us arrested? Don't do that.

Now, as you know, Chic
is the magazine of style.

Now then, where's your style?

Hm? Oh, well, we usually
keep it in the bathtub.

We, we have this picture.

I just walked into a house
filled with cheap,

ugly claptrap, and he's showing
me a picture of a cow.

Well, it's a nice cow, it-

You like living here?

Very much.

Then why you looking so pained?

'Cause you're standing on my hand.

Oh.

I know it doesn't look like much,
but the rent's very reasonable.

More than a dollar a month?

Perhaps we should take a look outside?

It's impossible. I can't
photograph these boys;

I can't sh**t anything in this house.

Hey, just a minute.

Don't do that.

It just so happens that
some of the things

in this house have great
historical significance.

For instance. See this?
This hatchet here?

Now, this was owned by a very,
very important person.

George, who chopped up my new table?

Search me.

Would you believe that this lantern-

The British are coming!
The B-the British are coming!

Oh, sorry. The British are coming!
Oh, three thou...

lanterns for the... sea by tonight,
two by the sea...

the British are com...
the British are...

the British are coming... over to my
house for a party tonight. A ha ha ha.

Very well. What Madame Q wants,
and she'll get it.

Look, you don't have to,
well, you see-

Wait a minute.
Hey, Rob, hey. Hey, look, uh,

Miss Willis, I don't,
I don't think we'll

be any good for your magazine article.

Why not?

Because we're not, uh,
typical young people.

Well, we are typical young
people, but, uh, well,

well, young people just
aren't typical anything.

Look, fellas, you don't
understand the magazine business.

Rob Roy isn't such a creep, and think

of what that creep could
do for your careers.

Now, Madame Q expects you at,
at her office tomorrow at nine.

Fellas, please? Trust me?

We'll be there.

Okay.

We'll be there.

Boy.

What have we got to lose, fellas?

Our shirts!

No! That is the worst looking
dummy I have ever seen.

Madame Quagmeyer?

I retract that statement.

You may not remember about us.

Your intuition is faultless.

We're The Monkees.
Typical young people of the year?

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

Oh. A-huh.
Oh, yes. Of course.

The Monkees.
Girls, introduce yourselves.

Miss Collins, Vassar, sixty-four.

Miss Osborne, Bryn Mawr, sixty-three.

Miss, uh, de Lessups,
Bennington, sixty-two.

Mike Nesmith, Eagle Scout, sixty-one.

Well, ladies, I leave you to gather
all the background data on the boys.

Ta-ta.

[gibberish]

Where were you born?

In the mythical Far
Eastern city of Shanghai.

Really?

No, I lied. Burbank.

Do you two know any duets?

And you, where did
you say you were from?

Well, I didn't say,
but I'm from Texas.

Texas? Whatever were you
doing way out there?

Well, I realize it's probably beyond
your scope, but I lived there.

You boys have, uh, never made
the best dressed list.

How do you account for that?

Lousy boots.

Now, what did you say your
name was? Mr. Nes what?

Mith. Nesmith!

Tell me, Mr. Jones, what
do you look for in a girl?

Well, um, uh, it all depends
what I've lost. Heh.

No. Before I sh**t you,
I've got to teach

you how to stand.
Your posture is horrendous.

Thank you.

Look, Quasimodo, you've
got to improve your posture.

What's wrong with my posture?

Stand up against the post. Shoulders back.
There, now doesn't that feel better?

No.

Why not?

There's a nail in the post.

No, no. You've got
to learn how to pose.

Mm, mm, mm, see the, no,
no, no, no, no, no, up,

the arm, arm, up, up.
Keep the arm up. Arm up.

Hey, wait, wait, wait. Come here.
Come here. Is this absolutely necessary?

That's it! That's it!
That's it!

Phone call for you, Rob Roy.

Huh? Oh, uh, now, don't move;
I'll be right back.

Now, remember this.
Good taste demands that we

know how to combine colors
in the things that we wear.

Please stop that,
because if you don't,

I'm going to have to k*ll you.

Now, pay attention and remember this.

Olive socks with black shoes with gray
slacks with a blue shirt with a red tie.

I get it. Black shirt with a blue
tie and a red shirt with a green tie-

No, no, no, no.
You're not paying attention.

I'll start it from the top again.

Blue shirt!
Gray slacks!

Blue shirt! Gray slacks!
Olive socks!

Blue shirt! Hey, that's pretty.
I like that an awful lot.

- You stop that!
- What, blue shirt.

Blue shirt. We'll
take it from the top.

You pay attention to me
and we'll be no more-

Hold it!

How about a plain purple business suit?

Every face that I see

Is all wrapped up in frowns

And unfortunately

It kind of gets me down

Laugh
'Cause the music is funny

Yeah, the bass sounds off-beat
Ain't that neat

Laugh [oh, ha ha ha]

When you lose all your
money [oh, ha ha ha]

Or you can't find
your shoes [oh, ha ha ha]

To cover your feet
[oh, ha ha ha]

It's not so hard to see

Exactly what I'm after

Sometimes a tear should fall

But I require giggles
and chuckles

Laugh [oh, ha ha ha]

When you're keepin'
a secret [oh, ha ha ha]

And it seems to be
known [oh, ha ha ha]

By the rest of the
world [oh, ha ha ha]

Laugh [oh, ha ha ha]

When you go to
a party [oh, ha ha ha]

And you can't tell
the boys [oh, ha ha ha]

From the girls
[oh, ha ha ha]

Every face that I see

Is all wrapped up in frowns

And unfortunately

It kind of gets me down,
yeah, yeah, yeah

Laugh [oh, ha ha ha]

At the things that
are wrong [oh, ha ha ha]

If you thinks it's
this song [oh, ha ha ha]

Then laugh
[oh, ha ha ha]

Then laugh [oh, ha ha ha]

Then laugh...

Madame, I've got the
story on The Monkees.

Oh, Toby, dear, lovely.
Just what I've been waiting for.

Oh, I think it captures
them just the way they are.

Just the way they
are, eh? Good.

I shall waste no time reading it.

I shall definitely waste
no time reading it.

Rob Roy, Miss Willis has turned
in her story on The Monkees.

It is accurate, truthful,
and completely factual.

Is she out to destroy us?

Apparently. I want you
to take a crack at it.

I anticipated you, Madame.

Hm. Devoon.

Well, today's the day that the
Chic magazine's supposed to come out.

Yeah, I wonder what
that article has to say.

Here's your friendship ring.

I wonder what came over her.

Hi, Linda.

Thought you handled that rather well.

Hello? Hey, buddy,
good to hear from you.

You di-huh?
Wh-wh-what do you mean?

Well, you-well, the same to ya!

G- Well, this just

doesn't seem to be our day,
does it? Heh heh.

What was that?

Maybe it's an ad for
a glass factory.

No.

"You guys are no good,
you never were any good,

you never will be any good.
Signed, a friend."

Boy, this has been some day.

At least we're having our article
printed in a nice magazine.

Oh, hi, Toby.

Hi, Davy.

- Hi, guys.
- Hey Tobe.

Hey, she's got a copy of the magazine.

You mean you haven't read it yet?

No. Why-

Well, no we haven't read it,

but I have a feeling that some of
our friends have. What does it say?

"The Monkees are the typical fun people.

The devoon madcap boys for whom
every day is just one g*y adventure."

Well, that sounds like it was
written by a sick leprechaun.

Rob Roy, to be exact.

A-ha, well, it's the same thing then.

"The boys are gourmets all.

Their favorite delicacy
being pheasant under glass.

Their favorite sports are
polo and croquet."

- Come on.
- It's unbelievable.

"Their taste in music runs to
chamber music and organ recitals."

Completely loon crazy.

Well, it must be true; it's
written there in black and white.

Oh, Peter.

I want you to know I quit
my job today.

You didn't have to do that, Toby.
Why'd you do a thing like that?

We never believe anything
that's in a magazine anyway.

Hello, huh? Oh, hey, it's
telegram from Madame Quagmeyer.

Uh, to remind us to, uh-huh,
be at the banquet tonight.

Uh, it's in our honor, and it's
to present us with the Young,

uh, American people
trophy award thing.

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

Uh, uh, could you sing that back?

Send her a telegram.

Right.

- Monkee telegram twenty-six A.
- Monkee telegram twenty-six A.

- Collect.
- Collect.

The one that reads you can
take your trophy and-

Once each year, Chic magazine
invites you, our advertisers,

to watch us award the annual editor's
trophy to a fine young American.

This year, we have a group of
young people who are the

epitome of everything for which

Chic magazine stands:
The Monkees.

Well, thank you very much.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Hi everybody. How are you?
Order in the room!

Order in the room!
Oh, thank you very much.

How are you? Hi everybody.

Thank you very much.
Thank you.

Hi everybody, hi.

All gussied up there, you look
nice, jewelry hanging off.

Now, let me introduce
them to you one at a time.

First, we have the
picture of grace:

Peter Tork.

Well, and next, we have the,

the embodiment of the chic
coiffure: Davy Jones.

Way to go. Way to go, Davy.
That's a nice surprise.

Oh, next, we have the,
the paragon

of quiet gentility:
Micky Dolenz.

It's time. Time to go on, Mick.
No, no, it's quiet gentility.

Shh.

You know. Shy or quiet.

Testing, testing, testing!

One, two, three, testing. Hi there,
ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,

??? and all millionaires.

Hi, everybody out there
in high fashion land.

How are you, baby?
I'm kinda new in town.

Can you direct me to
your apartment? Ha ha!

Thank you, Mr. Dolenz.

You like that? Alright. Mwah!

I love you. Oh, you're beautiful!
Thanks, everybody! Ha ha!

Thank you, Mr. Dolenz.

And lastly, we have Mike Nesmith,

who will receive the
award for the boys.

Thank you, Mr. Nesmith.

Hold on there, Quaggie-poo.
I got a few things to say.

Thank you very much.
Um, we appreciate this,

uh, trophy and everything,

but, uh, well, we really don't
feel like we can accept it because,

um, well, we really don't deserve it.

We'd like to give this
trophy to the man who,

who made us what we are today,
and who is responsible,

almost directly, for everything
you've seen here.

Huh. Mr. Rob Roy Fingerhead.

And so, everybody,
here's crazy Rob Roy now.

He's gonna come up here and
accept this trophy,

and I hope that Rob Roy takes
this trophy and just loves it.

I broke my camera.

It was a mercy k*lling.

Just keeps it warm and cozy.

Get 'em out of here, you fool!

If I lose those advertisers,
I'm gonna lose my job!

Get out! Out! Out! Out!
Get 'em out!

Thank you, Rob.

Ooh!

I'm very glad and pleased that
Rob Roy is here to accept this trophy-

Get 'em out of here!

I'm glad that you all-

Get 'em out! Out! Out!

Because you're the people
who support this,

and because you support,
we'd like to thank you.

Out, out!

That'll be thirty-seven dollars.

Mrs. Quagmeyer, take it easy.

Here we go.

Forty-seven dollars
for these flowers.

Um, hello. Um, uh, hello.
Uh, say, listen,

we understood you
had a new editor.

We thought we'd come,
uh, see about

getting maybe a retraction
or something.

Retraction, my foot!

Uh, Toby, a-are you the new editor?

And why not? What's so
surprising about that?

Well, you know,
it's a very responsible job.

Well, I've got some of the best
assistants in the business. Right?

Right, Miss Willis.

Oh.

The shoe's on the other
foot, so to speak.

Boy, really got you there, didn't he?

All men must have someone,
have someone

Who would never take advantage
Of a love bright as the sun.

Someone to understand them,
And you just may be the one.

All men must have someone,
have someone

Who would never take for granted
All the pleasures and the fun.

Someone to stand beside them
And you just may be the one

I saw when you walked by

The lovelight in your eye

And I knew I must try

To win you more
than just a friend,

I'm starting near the end,

And here I go again

All men must have someone,
have someone

Who would never take advantage
Of a love bright as the sun.

Someone to understand them,
And you just may be the one.

Someone to stand beside them
And you just may be the one.