01x30 - Monkees Manhattan Style

[bunniefuu]

...never seen anything like
that in me life before...

I never saw anything like that...

[chatter]

Uh, hey, hey.
What are you doing?

My shirts always come back from
the laundry with buttons missing!

Uh, Mike, Mike, uh, listen,
I'm gonna get some soap.

Well, b-but, Peter is-

Um, excuse me,
miss, but, uh... ha...

have you got...

Yes?

S-s-s-s-soap?
Soap? Soap?

I gotta get some soap.
Listen, do you have any so...?

Soap... Soap...
Soap... Soap...

What the...? What's going on?
What's going on with you guys?

- Soap... soap... soap...
- Soap?

- Soap... soap... soap...
- Oh! What is this, soap?

Soap... soap... soap...

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

Soap... soap... soap...

Um, I gotta go back
and get my laundry.

You're wearing it.

Oh.

Well, um-

Uh... My aunt! Oh! I just remembered!
I have a sick aunt!

Oh, she's so sick, she's dying!
I didn't tell you my, oh, my poor aunt!

Uh, I gotta go see my aunt, seven
years I haven't seen my aunt.

She lives in Duluth or
something or Bugscuffle.

Uh, really, my sick aunt,
I have to, my-I'm coming, aunt,

your poor nephew is coming.
Seven years, my poor aunt...

Um, I'm, uh, gonna run down to
the store and, uh, buy some dog food!

- Hey, hey, wait, wait, wait!
- What, what, what?

We don't have a dog.

Well, I'll, uh, I'll run down to the
store and pick up a dog too. Huh huh.

Dogs are nice, y'know, you can
pet 'em, and, uh, and love 'em,

and take fleas off of 'em, and
put fleas back on 'em, and, uh,

besides that, dogs play with cats, and...

and we don't have a cat
either... um, uh, bye!

He'...

A dog?

Men?

You know? You know
I think I'd like to be?

Hm?

I think I'd like to be a boxer.

Fighting three at a time,
sometimes four, pow, pow, pow!

Uh! You know what a boxer
has to do a lot of though?

- What?
- Road work.

Gee... Micky's gone to see his aunt,
and Mike's gone out to get dog food,

and Davy's doing road work...
I'm all alone, I...

I think I'll go see April!

Hello!

Oh, hello!

Can I help you?

Well, I-I was just running
by and I, I thought I'd, um...

Yes?

Wh-wh-what are you doing?

That's for my postgraduate studies.

Oh?

I'm an alumnus at the laundromatic
institute of San Radu.

I majored... in laundry science.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Huh. You should do
well in that business.

Well, you may not realize it,
but laundry is a science.

Like astronomy, physics...

What are you doing here?

April and I are having a private
conversation about laundering science.

It's a science, you know!

Yeah?

Yeah, that's right; it's like astrology.
What are you doing here?

Huh? What am I-? Well, um,
well, I thought, uh,

come down and-and-and-and-and see
another commercial. Ha ha! What's that?

I'm working on my doctor's thesis.

Oh. Why can't your doctor
work on his own thesis?

What, what are you doing here?

Yeah, what are you do-uh-doing here?

Uh? Oh. I was passing by,

I thought I'd come in and see
my old lint. Uh lant. Aunt!

Uh, why, why don't you tell us
more about laundering, April?

Well, do you realize that
all over the world

there's a great reservoir
of untapped dirt.

You know, there's a
touch of poet in her.

Uh-huh.

Well, how do we conquer that
brave new world of dirt?

I'll tell you. The answer is...
the washing machine!

Don't you think she's
a little tall for you?

Well, she didn't seem to mind.

Yeah, well, she wouldn't mind;
she didn't know you're alive.

Hey, come on, come on, guys,
before we say something we're gonna regret.

Hello. This is Doctor
Lorene Sisters again.

Answering your questions about
love and family problems.

Bringing the cool light of
reason into your messy little lives.

She has the touch of the poet.

What are we watching this for, man?

Will you be quiet? Maybe
we'll learn something.

And now for our first letter.
"Dear Doctor Sisters,

what is the best way to
win the girl you love?

Signed, Anguished."
My dear Anguished,

the fastest way to a woman's
heart is through her mind.

You know, I would never
have thought of that route.

If you really want to win
the girl you love,

find out what kind of man
she likes, and then be that man.

Uh, hello. Uh, Mrs. Conquest?
Um, this is, uh,

David Armstrong Jones of the British BBC.
Uh heh. That stands for Better Be Clean.

Uh, hello, Miss April Conquest?
Yes, well, hello there.

Uh this is Doctor Frigmund Fried.
Freed. Yeah, Freed.

And, uh, I'm with the University of
Heidelberg, and I... Heidelberg, Germany.

Hello, Miss Mifflin? Uh, yeah,
listen, you're April Conquest's neighbor,

and I called to find out about
any hobbies she's got.

Hi. This is tele-a telephone
quiz from station M.O.T.

Uh, I was, uh, doing a little
research here on women,

and since you're a woman,
are you ever a woman.

No, I didn't hang up...
I... sorta got hung up.

Well, can't you think
of any hobbies?

We're doing a case study
on American laundering habits.

If you answer the question
correctly, you get a,

a free gift course for,
in any field you choose,

to make your future husband
the very way you want him.

Well, what did she do last night?

I was doing a little research,

I wondered if you could
answer me a few questions.

I-I'd like to know what hobbies
your daughter April has.

Uh-huh, some people came over,
uh, carrying violins and a cello,

and they sat around a house, and the four

of them played music
for six hours. Uh-huh.

What would you like a man
to do that you find,

you know, the most interesting?
Besides the laundry.

Ballet?

Pop art?

Mo-motorcycling?

No hobbies?

Oh no, no, heh, I think ballet's
great for a future husband.

Oh yes, it is true.
Oh, it's terribly true;

England does swing like
a pendulum do.

Uh, danke schoen there,
um, um, bye.

Thank you, bye.

Thank you.
Wait!

Yes...

What are you doing?

This wall! This wall is the

place where I'll paint
my next mural!

Davy!
Are you an artist?

Do fish swim?...
May I?

Oh, yes...

Beautiful.

Wait!

Oh!...

You like chamber music?

Do fish swim?

Oh!

Any requests?

Oh, April, April!

Micky!
Do you dance ballet?

Do fish swim?

How did he do that?

A man in love has the
strength of thousands!

April, April! April! It's me,
David, what are you doing with him?

Hey, baby!

Oh, Mike! You ride a bike!

That's right, baby. And fish can swim.
Watch this.

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

April, April! April,
please!... April?

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy...

You're mad!

You're mad!

Oh, I love you all!

- April, come here.
- Davy!

Do you want to have a go?

It's lovely.

Watch out, watch out!

Mike! Micky!
Micky, are you alright?

My arm, my leg, my arm, my h...

You got-

What you do to the bike, man?

My bike?! My arm, my head,
my leg, my-ouch-my toe...

Oh!

Micky!

Mike! Are you alright,
Mike? How's your head?

I'm fine, I feel wonderful,
I've never felt better in my life.

Oh, I love them all!

Micky, are these yours?

Oh!

You know, it's stupid, four
guys mooning over the same girl.

She's lovely.

Delightful.

With a richer, longer,
everlasting charm.

You know, I wonder what it would

be like going through life
with a girl like that.

You tell me that you've
never been this way before

You tell me things I know
that I've heard somewhere

You're standing in the places and
you're staring down through faces

That bring to mind traces of a girl,

a girl that I knew somewhere

I just can't put my
finger on what it is

That says to me, watch out,
don't believe her

I can't give any reasons girl,
my thoughts are bound down in a whirl

I just can't think who in
the world was that girl,

I know I met her somewhere

Someway, somehow this
same thing was done

Someone, somewhere
did me this same wrong

Well goodbye dear,
I just can't take this chance again

My fingers are still
burning from the last time

And if your love was not a game,
I only have myself to blame

That's as maybe, I can't explain,

just ask the girl that
I knew somewhere

And if your love was not a game,
I only have myself to blame

That's as maybe,
I can't explain

just ask the girl that
I knew somewhere

Alright, look, let's be grown
up about this whole thing.

Sure, we, we like the same chick.

But there's no reason to let
it ruin our friendship, right?

- Right.
- Right.

Right.

Four equal parts-that's a joke.

What are you griping about?
You got the TV.

Yeah, but you have the ice box.

Oh yeah? Big deal!

I'd gladly trade Davy
for the front door.

Huh. No deal. But I'll gladly trade
Mike for the bathroom right away.

Well, I think I'm gonna watch TV.

Our next letter is from Tormented.

Hey! That's me! Tormented!
Get out of my area!

Oh, shut up.

It reads, "Dear Doctor Sisters,

my three friends and I are all
in love with the same girl.

These friends are very dear to me,

and I wouldn't want to
lose them for the world."

Yay!

Right!

"So my question is, what
can I do to cut them out?"

Booooo!

Tormented, you say in the rest of your
heartbreaking and ungrammatical letter

that you boys have made this girl fond of
each of you by taking on interests she likes.

That's right, what of it?

I'll tell you what of it! You've placed
this girl in a dangerously emotional state.

She's now drawn to four different boys,

and this unresolved conflict
could lead to a nervous collapse.

You gotta be kidding!

Do I look like a kidder?

That's the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard!

Oh is it? I have here in my
hand another letter from a girl

telling how she is in
love with four boys;

it's signed Miss Laundromat.

Laundromat?

Yes, Laundromat. And she tells in this
letter that's she's so close to

a nervous collapse that she's
too nervous to even write this letter.

That's nervous.

And don't forget collapse.

Collapse!?

Let's put it to her directly and let
April make up her own mind, man...

She's-she's sick, it's a nervous
breakdown, she had the collapse!

- It's our fault.
- It's all our fault!

Wait a minute, wait a minute,
hold it, hold it!

Gotta stay cool and think.

Look, Saturday is April's
biggest day, right?

Right.

And, and if she's closed today,
she may go out of business.

Well, maybe we oughta
start by getting out of

the confusion of the,
of loving the four of us.

Right.

Right, yeah. Hey,
we gotta choose for it. Okay.

One, two, three!

I lost.

No, Peter, you won.

I did?

Peter, you stay here and go in,

and the three of us will
go over to April's house,

and when we get back,
she'll be all yours.

All of her?

Hey, I think we chose the wrong guy.

Let's make it two out of three, heh.

Come on, will ya please?

Hey! Wait, wait! How do I
get in if the door's locked?

Peter, you can't expect the writers
to know everything. Improvise!

And Peter gets this?

Let's, let's, uh, make it
two out of three.

- Yes!
- Oh, come on, you guys.

Don't you know what it's
like to be a good loser?

Uh-huh. It makes me
sick to my stomach.

Shh! She's waking up!

Oh. Davy. Micky. Mike.

Hi, hi April.

- Hi.
- Hi.

What are you doing here?

Y-y-your mother said it'd be
okay if-if-if we came over here,

and we tried to cheer you up
or something, you know.

Davy?

Yes?

We'll paint together soon, won't we?

Oh yeah, we're gonna
be painting all the time, yeah-

No, no, we're not gonna paint.

Painting's a drag.
It's a drag.

The paint gets up your nostrils
and your toenails and your ear.

No. You're better off with Peter.

Oh. Micky, have you been
to the ballet lately?

The ba-ba...? Oh, no, ballet, yeck! Bleh!
Dancing on your toes, ah, that's ridiculous.

No, I'm a tree surgeon now,
but I don't make any house calls,

so you're better off with Peter.

Mike! Don't tell me...
you've given up motorcycles?

Given 'em up?
Huh, are you kidding?

Of course I've given 'em up.
They're horrible.

No, I, I've taken up skydiving.

Oh! Oh!

You like that? Uh, but, um, I'm,
I've got, uh, one, one problem.

You see, I'm, uh, I'm
afraid of airplanes.

Oh, afraid, and I don't,
I can't dive in the sky,

so I use my living room, and the
parachute gets on the couch and the b-lamp,

and it's a drag, and you
wouldn't want to do that,

and you'd be better off with Peter.

Oh! I feel better already.
Where is Peter?

Ladies, ladies, I'm sorry,
we will not be responsible

for loss or damage.
Ladies, please! What'd I ever do?

It shrunk! It shrunk!

Cannot be responsible
for loss or damage!

Hold it, hold it, wait, wait!

Wait, wait, wait!

Oh Peter, Peter, Peeeter!
How can I ever thank you?

That'll do for a start.

To think, we gave her to him!

Let's do a two out of three.

You guys can be like brothers to her.

Thanks.

'Course, I'd hate to think
she came to me on the rebound.

Well, you can, uh, just sort of
think of this time as being the bound.

Ha ha ha ha.
That must be April.

Peter!

Hi April, come on in.

Good evening. Oh, no, I'm sorry,
I can't stay. I've had the most exciting day!

Oh?

Yes. I want you to meet my fiance.

This is Freddy Fox the third.

Hi babies, how you doing? Yeah!

Isn't she just too much, man?
Look at that! Ooh!

I never met a singer before!

Oh, come on, April, let's split
outta here, man, ooh!

April is the cruelest month.

Well, I guess it just goes to
prove to what Shakespeare said,

to thine own self be true,
and it must follow as the night the-

Please! No morals!

[sniffles]

C'mon Peter, you gotta
learn to be a good loser.

[cries]

That's a good loser.

We all loved her! And now will
none of us find any happiness?!

Come in!

Hi, we're your new neighbors.
Can you tell us where to find a laundromat?

One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.