01x31 - Monkees at the Movies

[bunniefuu]

? New York, New York ?
? What a wonderful town

? The Bronx is up,
and the Battery's down ?

- Davy.
- Uh-

Shh. Sorry. Excuse me.

Yes?

Um, we're looking for McKinley Baker.
He's a Broadway producer-

H-he wrote us and told us we could
come and star in his new musical.

More show business types.
Baker's at three-oh-four.

Now, what were you saying, dear?

Well, could you tell us
where the elevators are?

Of course.
Ha ha ha!

Oh, Monkees!
Come on in, fellas.

We got your letter, Mr. Baker.

McKinley. And gosh, when I
saw you in that little club out west,

I knew I'd found the stars
for my rock and roll musical.

Well, tell me, did you have
a comfortable flight in?

Actually, we came by
the bus, The Blim Line.

The Blim Line?

Sure. You know: it's such a pleasure to
take Blim and leave the driving to them.

Well, like I said, I intend to refund your
bus fare just as soon as my backer calls.

Well-

Where are you staying?

Well, we, uh-heh heh.

We spent all our money on bus fare.

Well, you can stay with me
until I get the money;

I've got lots of room.

Oh, man, that's alright-

No discussion. Now, put your
instruments in there.

Okay.

Baker, I'm tired of waiting for my rent.
I want you out of my hotel in one hour.

Well, where can I go?

Perhaps you can visit relatives.
Distant relatives.

Ha ha.
That's very good, chief.

Ooh! Who's he?

Weatherwax, the manager.

Is this a group, or just
a bunch of weirdos?

Now, remember, one hour and out.
Now, are there any questions?

Can I have the bed by the window?

Oh.

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

The Monkees brought
to you by Kellogg's

K-E double L, O double good,

Kellogg's best to you

What in the world's going on?

That was our career
going down in flames.

Mr. Baker's being thrown out
of his room for not paying his rent.

Where are we gonna stay?

If I can just hang on 'til noon,
that's when my backer's coming with a check.

We ought to be able to hold
the fort for three hours.

You boys are great. Look, you stay here;
I'll sneak out and bring back the money.

Perhaps, if we wait until tomorrow,

Mr. Backer's baker-I mean,
Mr. Baker's backer would-

No, Buntz, there's an
important principle involved.

A principle?

Yes, and here he comes now:

a big shot for the Rabbit
Breeder's Convention.

Well, Waxy, do you have that
room ready for me yet?

Uh, it will be ready in
exactly five minutes.

I'll be in the bar.

Come on, Buntz.

Your hour is up.

Shh! Please be quiet. You can come in,
but you can only stay just a few minutes.

- I can what?
- Will you please be quiet?

Lub dub, lub dub,
lub dub, lub dub.

He's a very sick boy.
Are you his next of kin?

- I am not-
- Speak up, I can't hear you.

- I am not-
- Not too loud!

I am not; I am the manager of this hotel.
Get the house physician, quick.

I'm afraid he's in a lot of pain.

Oh.

Bite on this golden b*llet, big fellow.

Well, I'm very sorry, but
he'll have to evacuate this room.

What? Are you mad? I can't
move a case of the plague.

Plague? Is it contagious?

Have you ever seen a
plague that wasn't?

Here's the hotel doctor.

You know my visiting hours are over.

But it's nine a.m.

How do you do? I'm Doctor Dolenz.
Terrible about Medicare, isn't it?

Never mind about that.
Examine him, doctor.

What I want to know is, is he
really sick, or is it merely sham?

Of course, he's sick; he had sham
when he was twelve years old.

Say ah.

Just a minute. If you examine that man,
I surrender all responsibility to this case.

Now, take it easy, doctor-

Ah, barging in on a man's case. Hm-hm.

I think the ethics practice committee
would like to hear about this.

Well, I don't want to get
involved with them again.

But is he sick?

How's my heartbeat?

Fine, but the melody don't make it.
Listen, it's ten o'clock.

We got to keep these guys
out here 'til twelve.

Is my room ready yet?

Any minute, sir. It's just being made up.

I'll be in the bar.

There must be some way to get them out.

We'll starve them out. Buntz,
call room service

and tell them no more
food to three-oh-four.

Hello? Um, yeah, listen,
can you send a waiter up

to three-oh-five?
Okay, thank you. Bye.

- Hey, Mike.
- Hm?

We're in three-oh-four. What-what are you
sending a waiter to three-oh-five for?

Yeah, but they don't send room
service to three-oh-four.

So... I don't get it.

Well, they'll send room
service to three-oh-five.

Oh, I get it.

Yes?

You called for a waiter, sir?

No. I-I think you have the wrong room.

What is it, poopsie?

Oh, it's nothing, sweetie.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

You're sorry.

Uh, h-hold it. You, you.
Look, did you hear him say that?

What?

Say that again. Say,
"I'm sorry, sir".

I'm sorry, sir.

Oh, he's a prince.
You are perfect for the,

for the role of the prince.
Come in. We'd like to talk to you.

How'd you like to be
in a Broadway musical?

Well, I've heard it's hard to
become an actor. What do I do first?

Well,
first thing you do is you bring a lot of

rye bread and some cold
cuts and potato salad-

Oh, no. I couldn't do that;
this is three-oh-four.

No, it's not.
It's five after ten.

Well, do you think I show promise?

Pro-? You'll be a smash.
What's your name?

Bronislaw Kolinovsky.

Bronislaw Kolinovsky!
I can see it now:

in lights, all the way
around the theater marquee.

Well, I've always loved the theater.

Don't forget the pickles.

Have we starved them out yet?

How hungry can they get in half an hour?

Is my rim roody yet?

Any minute, sir.

Well, I've been waiting and
waiting and sitting in your bar

drinking and talking to the barmaid,
and well, it's been hours.

We're doing our best.

No hurry.

Hey, guys, look at this;
it's a song out of McKinley's play.

Hey, let's try it on for size.

It doesn't fit.
How about you?

No, E-flat was never was my color.

Ah ha ha. Very funny.

Get the house detective;
we'll throw them out.

You tell me that you've
never been this way before

You tell me things I know
that I've heard somewhere

You're standing in the places and
you're staring down through faces

That bring to mind traces of a girl,

a girl that I knew somewhere

I just can't put my
finger on what it is

That says to me, watch out,
don't believe her

I can't give any reasons girl,
my thoughts are bound down in a whirl

I just can't think who in
the world was that girl,

I know I met her somewhere

Someway, somehow this
same thing was done

Someone, somewhere
did me this same wrong

Well goodbye dear,
I just can't take this chance again

My fingers are still
burning from the last time

And if your love was not a game,
I only have myself to blame

That's as maybe, I can't explain,

just ask the girl that
I knew somewhere

And if your love was not a game,
I only have myself to blame

That's as maybe,
I can't explain

just ask the girl that
I knew somewhere

Artichokes and liverwurst, and-oh,
just wonderful. You just brought everything.

Yeah, but what about Weatherwax?

Oh, no. The liverwurst and
artichokes are just plenty.

No, sir. I mean,
what about the hotel manager?

Let him get his own
artichokes and liverwurst.

I'll use my pass key and
take them by surprise.

Alright, you've had your hour.
Your time is up.

Well, I'm, I'm terribly sorry.
Take all the time you want.

Three-oh-four should
be across the corridor.

Good thinking, chief.

They've changed the numbers.
They've changed the numbers.

Alright, I've been very patient
with you, and Buntz here will bear me out.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

No, we'll do that for him.

We're all out of salami;
I'd recommend the roast beef.

I've had enough!
This room is under siege!

Can somebody help me with this cork?

He can't do anything.

I order you out of the Compton Plaza.

It's twelve o'clock.

High noon.

Hey, it's Mr. Baker
back from his backer.

Have you got a baker, Backer?
Have you got a backer, Baker?

Baker backer?

Swell! Give them the money;
we'll start rehearsing.

My backer backed down.

Well, that settles it.

You'll be out of this hotel in
twenty minutes or I'll call the police.

Now, does anyone have
anything further to say?

Well, I'm licked; I guess I
shouldn't have come to New York City.

Oh, for garden's seat, McKinley.

There's got to be more than one
person in New York who's

willing to produce a show that's
written by an unknown,

and, and directed by an unknown,
and s-starring The Monkees.

Be sure and take plenty of socks.

Goodbye Broadway; hello failure.

Boy, I'm sure gonna miss
those bright lights.

Yeah, well, for every bright
light, Pete, there's a broken heart.

You know, I wouldn't have thought it

so hard to find a guy
with money in this town.

Yeah, I'm hip. Well, let's go.
Come on, Pete. Let's go.

Hey, Pete. What are
you looking at, Peter?

Uh, ust noticing some place across
the way, uh, Millionaires Club.

Well, it's worth a try.

Yes, sir?

Hello. My name's
David Armstrong Jones.

My family dates back nearly four
hundred years to the earliest rich people.

Oh, but this club is for special members.

This is H.L. Nesmith. He owns a
small spread in southern Texas.

Uh, what's the name of the
ranch again, Mr. Nesmith?

Uh, Houston.

Houston. Heh. Uh, this is
the Sheik Farooq Dolenz-a.

I would like to add a
new wing to your building.

No, I'm sorry, but we
cannot accept a gift.

This is not a gift;
it's charity.

Uh, this is Peter Dewitt, a rich man's son.
Tell him what your father does.

He's in garbage disposal.

Uh, b-before we join the club, um,

we'd like to have a look
'round, if you don't mind.

Alright.

You're a millionaire, aren't you?

That's right.
How did you know?

Oh, that's easy.
I watch What's My Line a lot.

You sure you're comfortable?

Comfortable? I'm very rich!
Now, about this play-

It's a very good production.

Of course, if my daddy,
Commodore Dewitt,

knew I were in the theater,
he'd roll over in his grave.

But Commodore Dewitt's alive.

Well, this'd k*ll him.

Good evening. Are you investing
in this musical, Sheik?

Oh, excuse me for repeating myself.

No, I cannot invest personally.
You see, I consider the theater immoral.

Really?

Yes, and so do all my wives.

Exactly what is the show about?

Excuse me.

I already said that.

Oh. Well, it sort of goes like this.

Look out, here comes tomorrow

That's when I'll have to choose

How I wish I could borrow

Someone else's shoes

Mary, oh what a sweet girl

Lips like strawberry pie

Sandra, the long
hair and pig tails

Can't make up my mind

I see all kinds of sorrow

Wish I only loved one

Look out, here comes tomorrow

Oh, how I wish tomorrow
would never come

Told them both
that I loved them

Said it, and it was true

But I can't have both of them

Don't know what to do

I see all kinds of sorrow

Wish I only loved one

Look out, here comes tomorrow

Oh, how I wish tomorrow
would never come

Mary
I love you

Sandra
I love you

Well, I see all kinds of sorrow

Wish I only loved one

Look out, here comes tomorrow

Oh, how I wish tomorrow
would never come

I see all kinds of sorrow

Wish I only loved one

Look out, here comes tomorrow

Oh, how I wish tomorrow
would never come

I love you

Darling

I love you

Well, what do you think?
Um, hello?

Rhubarb ha la doo ca ma
de sch ley ops br zlippy...

What?

Uh, I should have warned you, sir;
this is the time for their mid-evening nap.

Oh.

They all go to sleep at once?

With the help of a little brandy, sir.

Oh.

You see, I've backed a
few shows in my time.

So I thought, why not keep
a good thing for myself?

Hey, hey! We got an angel!
Oh, wow! Great!

Great, terrific, fantastic.
Yeah, man.

Funny.

Very chic, very chic.
Where's that place again?

- Houston.
- Houston.

Fellas. You saved the show, but-

Well, the butler did it.

No, you did it, and that's why
I can't accept his backing.

- What?
- Hey.

He feels that the principles
should be four girls

instead of four boys,
so I can't take his money.

Oh, listen, McKinley,
you got to accept his offer.

Uh, you get a chance like
this but once in your life,

and, and you got to
get started somehow.

You'll have other shows
that we can appear in,

but you've got to get started,

and this is your big chance,
and you've got to take it.

Right.

Right. And, uh, we got a bus to catch.

Oh, boys. Will you come
here for a moment?

You wouldn't think of leaving
without paying your bill.

Our bill?

It is one hundred and eighty dollars.

That includes room, food,
and incidentals.

You must be joking!

Hold it, hold it.
I'll straighten this out.

How can we pay money
we don't have?

You've reached a certain
amount of success.

If that were suddenly, like, taken away,
wiped out, where would you be today?

I'd go back to the Village
and be a folk singer.

How about you, Davy?

I'd go to back to the Village
and watch him be a folk singer.

Mike?

I'd probably go burn the Village.

I'd probably be dating
my science teacher.

Hey, Peter. Is there something
that you'd really want,

uh, something that
you'd really flip out over?

- Yes.
- What?

- Texas.
- Davy?

Ursula Andress.

Who?

Ursula Andress. No, a jet.
You know those little jets?

Yeah.

'Cause Mike can fly it.

Well, uh, I wouldn't really buy
anything like that, you know.

I mean, there's noth-the
things that money can buy,

I can almost buy, I suppose, uh.
Thanks, Dave.

The only thing that you can,
uh-we've all got what we want, man.

- Mick?
- What?

Yeah, what, babe?

- What would I buy?
- Yeah.

Well, I kind of look at it, I-

If you-if you could buy something
that money couldn't buy, what would you buy?

- Yeah. I-if I-
- Which is weird.

If I could, if I was
gonna buy something,

I kind of look at it
the opposite way around;

I figure when you,
when you have enough money,

then, then you don't need all the, all the

material stuff around you.
I'd like, I'd like-

to buy big city blocks of
buildings and plant orange groves.

Hey, I've got to tell you,
I have a very freaky idea.

What?

That a local, uh, guys, a local
ga-g*ng of guys is sort of propagating now.

What's that?

And that is digging things
that are ugly. You know?

The Hearts and Flowers do that,
you see, that's a group.

And, uh, they say that in order to
dig things, uh, that are pretty,

it takes no special talent.

What it really takes a talent
to do is to dig something ugly.

Like what?

Well, I don't know. You dig
something like a garage door.

You know, I mean, how many people
say "Oh, look at that garage door"?

You know. I mean,
you get a lot of this stuff,

"Oh, what beautiful azaleas".
That kinda thing.

Does that apply to, uh, people too?

Well, it applies to you a lot, Bob.

Thanks, baby.

I think we ought to go on a National
Monkee Love Something Ugly This Week.

Yeah. Man, you better
watch out for these guys.

You are not; I'm uglier than you.

You are not; I'm the ugliest.

I'm the ugliest.
It's me, it's me, it's me.

Alright, I lose. Ha ha.

Achoo!

Wait, Keeva, come here a minute.
Come here. Come here. Wait, man. Wait, man.

Can you get out of my key please?

Okay, alright.

There you go. Come on, man.
You're okay now. Where's your glasses, man?

Okay, alright.

Wait, wait. Okay. I'd like you
all to know that this is Keeva.

Now, Keeva is our make-up man, man.
He's the greatest guy in the world. Well-

Does he make-what does he do for you?

- He makes up.
- He makes up, man.

Hey, Keeva.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Let me ask you something.

Really, wh-while the boys are there.
Is it difficult working with these guys?

No. I-I-I like them very much, so,
uh, it's not difficult. I'm a father, and-

Say something better
than that, Keeva! No.

Mike, this afternoon,
we had lunch, and you

said the one thing you
really wanted was a house,

and I want to know why that's
so important to you,

to have your own house.
No, I mean it.

- Why do I want a house?
- Yeah, why?

Why do you like that shirt, Bob?
"Why do you want a house?"

To keep the wind off of me.

It's unbelievable.

Why do I want a house? Oh.

Well, when it rains, you get
wet if you live in a parking lot.

Girl, don't you know everytime
I see you smilin'?

Hurts so bad cause when
I see you, I start trying

Try everything to stop
but there's no denying

Falling in love with you
girl is just like dying

Ohh, don't walk away

Ohh, how can I make you stay,
don't turn away

I can still hear you saying those

Words that never were true
Spoken to help nobody but you

Words with lies inside

But small enough to hide till
your playin' was through

Girl don't you know we can
work it out with talkin'?

You won't turn around or
slow down your walking

I've given you everything
with kiss to seal it

You had to get your kicks
with tryin' to steal it

Now I'm standing here

Strange, strange voices in my ears,
I feel the tears

But all I can hear are those

Words that never were true
Spoken to help nobody but you

Words with lies inside

But small enough to hide till
your playin' was through

Oh, I'm standing here

Strange, strange voices in my ears,
I feel the tears

But all I can hear are those

Words that never were true
Spoken to help nobody but you

Words with lies inside

But small enough to hide till
your playin' was through

Words that never were true
Spoken to help nobody but you

Words with lies inside

But small enough to hide till
your playin' was through