02x02 - The Picture Frame

[bunniefuu]

"Welcome to El Monotono." Oh.
Well, thank you very much.

Yeah, don't worry, Mike.
In a couple hours,

he'll fix the car, and
we'll be outta this place.

What a place to be stuck in.

Did anybody check if there's
a travel bureaus or something?

Something to do?
What can we do in this place?

I just saw some advice to tourists.

Oh, really?
What did it say?

"Yankee go home."

Why don't we Yankee go in?

- Right.
- Baby...

Let's take the table right here.

Why don't we sit down right here?

Where's my chair?

Here, up a little bit, Mike.

- You okay?
- Fine. Fine. Oh.

May I help you?

You already have.

Oh, true love strikes again.
Davy, don't. Not this t-

What's your name?

Angelita.

Angelita. That's a very pretty name.
It means "Little Angel". My name's David.

What does "David" mean?

David means business, baby.

He's only joking. I don't know
how long we're gonna be here,

but I thought if-if you've got time,
you might go for a walk in the town with me.

Go for a walk? Man, that went out with
Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney movies.

I don't know.

You, you mean you don't, you
don't want to go out with me?

That's what she means.
Angelita, come here.

She don't go with you
tonight or any other night.

You leaving town tonight.

What- who said we have to leave town?

El Diablo, he say so.
It's his orders.

- Now wait.
- Now wait a minute.

Oh really.

It's a free country.
We're just coming to...

Oh, you're right.

We're leaving. Bye.
See you later. Bye.

Goodbye.

Bye. See you later. Oh!

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

The Monkees brought
to you by Kellogg's

K-E double L, O double good,

Kellogg's best to you

We sure do.
We gotta get outta here.

But Angelita!

Angelita? Are you kidding, man?
You heard what that guy said.

That's El Diablo's girl, and if
he catches you with her, he'll k*ll you.

Well, every couple has
its problems, you know.

Every couple has its problems,
you know. That's-

I'm gonna go back in and see her.

Ah!

Ahh! Let's go and check the car.

Let's check the car.

Did you find out what's the
matter with the car yet?

Si, amigo. I examine it from top
to bottom. Finally, I find the trouble.

Oh, good. Wh-what is it?

It's broken.

We know it's broken, Lupe.

What-what we mean is it like
the fan belt or the fuel pump?

No, amigo. It's nothing like that.
What you need is a new motor.

Well, how much- how much will
a new-new motor cost?

Fifty thousand centavos for the
labor, sixty thousand centavos

for the parts, and forty
thousand centavos for the-

Um, wa-wait a minute. Uh, how much
is that in A-American money?

Forty ninety-five.

Forty nine-where are we going to get
forty ninety-five in the middle of Mexico?

Can we work for it?

Senors, my people, they don't know
nothing about your new American music,

but the old must make a way for the new,
so you can play the music here tonight.

...to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

I should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that
train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

Ha ha ha. Excuse me. Here you are,
boys. Thank you! Alright, ??? gringos.

Play! Play until you think
you can't play anymore.

Play until you think you will drop,
and then keep-a playing, eh! Ha ha!

We'll do that. We could do the
second verse over again, I suppose.

Now we're gonna cut outta town.

We're gonna keep outta trouble,
and we're gonna-uh,

and count our chickens before
they've hatched. Hm, Davy, no.

- Davy, you can't-
- Please, Davy.

- You can't talk to her, man.
- You can't talk to her, please.

Listen, I just wanna say goodbye.

- N-
- No.

- Well, okay.
- Yes.

Yeah, well, goodbye, you could say.

With your eyes. Say it with
your eyes. You know.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Goodbye.

Oh, Davy! Davy.

I had to tell you, I do not
really want to be El Diablo's girl,

but in this town, one
does not have a choice.

Davy! Oh, we're gonna be
here the rest of our lives.

Angelita, I have to go now, but
I just want to tell you that I understand,

and it's best if we don't
see one another again.

Davy, you were just
gonna say goodbye.

I was just gonna say
goodbye again. And again.

Diablo! El Diablo's coming!

Wait a minute. Who is this
El Diablo person?

Ooh, that's El Diablo. Well.

Oh!

I can understand that.

Davy! Davy! Davy!

Who is this I see with
the woman of El Diablo?

Oh, w-we were just dancing, you know.

Oh, you like to dance?
Alright, gringo. Dance!

Um, no, thank you. I think
I'll sit this one out.

I say dance.

Oh! Oh! Oh, oh!

Ow!

Look, Angelita, look at this bouncing
puppet you choose over El Diablo.

I don't care; I still love him.

Love? Him?

Oh, no, she doesn't. She's joking.
She doesn't really love me.

You know what I do
with fools like him?

No.

First, I c*ck the p*stol, then I
close my eyes, then I aim, and I fire.

Ooh! You might miss.
You might miss.

I take my chances.

No, please!

Steady! Steady!

Alright, gringo. I want to hear
you beg for your life. Beg.

Oh, merciful master. Ardent k*ller.
Oh, I beg. I'm begging. I'm begging.

Ha ha ha ha.

- Hold it, hold it, wait.
- I'm begging, please.

Don't do anything.

See? See? My friends are begging too.
Look at them. Down, down.

See what you are giving your heart to.
This idiot. This coward. This... this...

No good. Failure. Lousy.

I don't care. I still love him.
Look at his beautiful mouth.

Oh, no. My mouth is all
crooked, you see this? No.

Your beautiful eyes.

No, my eyes. They're crossed.
They're crossed.

See that? See that?
Can't see a thing.

Tiny, tiny ears.

No, my ears, it's all bent. See that?
Please, don't. She's only joking.

Please, don't do that. Oh,
oh, he's gonna sh**t me. Oh! Ahh!

Take a last look, Angelita.
You will never see him again. Get him!

Oh, no. She was joking.
She was putting you on. Ha ha.

You will be taken by horseback
to the bandito camp.

If you try to resist, you will
suffer indescribable t*rture.

And if I don't resist?

Describable t*rture.

Oh! Don't describe it to me. Please!

Take him out!

Never mind, never mind.
Nothing, nothing.

He's big.

Too long have we lived under
this reign of terror.

Isn't it time to cast off our bonds?

Yes!

We have suffered the
pain of the oppressed.

Shall we not march together,
side by side to freedom?

Yes!

The moment has come! Shall
we forget our fears, harness our

horses and ride to El Diablo's camp,
valiant and unafraid?

No!

Huh, no?

In order to rescue Davy,
we're gonna have to go there.

Go there?

Oh. Hey, it's kind of nice.
Ha ha. Uh, wait a minute.

Don't you think w-we oughta
take something else with us,

like a, like a club card
or some badges?

Badges? We don't need
no stinking badges!

Well, okay, might as well go.

Aye! Aye!

Thank you very much, Lupe.

Yes, yes, everything is alright, amigos.
Everything is okay.

Ah!

Hey, I think we got 'em, guys.

Yes, I think we finally did.

Eh, I think they got us, guys.

Hey, do you see Davy anywhere?

- No.
- Shh!

I will take these funny
fellows to El Diablo.

Yes, you take us to El Diablo.

Andale.

Well, wherever he is.

Who's El Diablo?
Who's El Diablo?

What is this?

What is this? I'll tell
you what is this.

My leader, the greatest
bandit-easy-the greatest

bandit in the world, wish to
join forces with you.

Who is this who call himself
the greatest bandit in the world?

Who is this who asks who is this
who names himself who is this,

the greatest bandit of them all?

They call me El Diablo, also known
as the bandit without a heart.

They call me El Dolenzio, also known
as the bandit without a soul.

And they call me El Nesmito,
also known as the

bandit without no-w-without
any conscience.

And they call me El Torko,
the bandit, uh... without a nickname.

Okay, Diablo, my band of friends
and I, we want to join forces with you.

We want to ride down the
hills into the villages,

right into the mouths of the
g*ns of the villagers,

sh**ting and k*lling and
riding on the horses,

and the federales will come
screaming down the hills, looking for us.

We'll k*ll 'em-

You join forces with me?
Heh heh! Ha ha ha!

You are not worthy for shining the boots.

Oh, yeah, we even
brought our own things-

We shall see.
You will be given a series of tests.

If you pass them,
you can join our camp.

But beware, if you fail, the last
man who failed was found in a ditch.

He was shot, knifed, poisoned, and k*lled.

- Shot?
- Knifed?

- Poisoned?
- And k*lled?

Eh heh heh heh heh.

We've got our own self-defense too.

- Eh, guys?
- We got a little self-defense.

We got our own self-de- ow!

Ha ha ha!

We got our own trouble instore-

How did you do that?

That's very good. I didn't
know you could do that.

You used to play the dummy.

The first test: the test of strength.

Caramba!

Hey, what's going on here?

Shh! It is the second test: a test
of skill and determination.

Draw, draw!

Oh, careful!

Any deuces?

Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha!

Go fish.

Ha ha! No deuces.
Ha ha ha!

This is the third test:
a test for bravery.

Cut the rope.
Cut the rope, Mick.

The celebration is for you, my friends.
Will you join me in some wine?

No.

No, we don't drink wine.

When El Diablo drinks, everybody drinks.

Drink a lot of wine.

A lot of wine.

A toast to our new friends
and fellow bandits. Ah!

Toast to new friends and
fellow bandits. Hey!

A toast.

Oh, a toast.

A toast to, to...

To end all this drinking.

I like that.

Ha ha!

Yeah.

Go find where Davy is, quick.

I'll fetch Davy.

Hey, where does that one go?

He goes, he goes to
get some fresh air.

But we are outside.

Oh, yes, we're outside.

It's, uh, it's from the wine.
He needs to get the...

Oh! Some air, eh?
Ha ha ha!

Uh, buenos dias, el guardo.
Uh, como va?

Uh, uh, yo guardero el prisonero
usted of, uh, oh, party-o.

Que? Que?

Uh, El Diablo, uh, lots of food,
uh, there's a party,

uh, fiesta, lots of carrying-ons,
uh, over the hill.

Que?

- Booze.
- Booze!

Oh no, no, Mr. Bandit, please,
I didn't mean it, honestly.

It was a joke, honestly.

Davy, it's me, Peter.

Peter who?

Peter Tork.

Oh, Peter!

- Davy!
- Peter!

Da-

Will y- me and stop,
you know, will ya?

Oh, yes, I'll have you
out in no time at all,

and, uh, I'll, uh, uh,
just as soon as I, uh.

How do you untie a square knot?

Square knot?
Um, let me se-oh yeah, yeah.

You know the knot? Well,
there's a loop underneath it.

Peter, my finger, don't pull
on my finger, will ya?

El Dolenzio.
What-what you're doing?

I just trying to mingle.
Everybody clap.

And stick it through the
side where the eight is.

No, it-actually, shaped like a seven, Peter.

No, it's the one on the left.
No, that's my finger, Peter.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Peter's gotta have found Davy
by now; let's get outta here.

Um, El Dolenzio and myself, we
want to thank you for the banquet,

but, uh, the wine and everything,
we need to get some air.

Ah ha ha! Some air.

We need to get some air.
We need to get outta here.

Stick it through the figure eight.

Now, do it, will you? Now underneath,
you see, you see the string hanging down?

The one that's crisscrossed like a
figure-well, you know, an eight. An eight.

It's like shaped like this. An eight.
You got that? Well, anyway.

Take that and you take the loose end...
Been here for twenty-five minutes!

Andale, muchachos! Andale!

Oh, no! Oh, no, Mr. Bandit, please don't!

Peter, you're choking me.

Bingo! Bango! Bango, bango, bango!

Mr. Bandit, please don't!

Don't what? it's Mike and
Mi-I mean, it's Micky and Mike.

- Micky and Mike who?
- Micky and Mike who?

You know Micky and Mike who.
What do you say "Micky and Mike who" for?

Well, Davy did it to me.

Will you untie-

I was trying to explain to
him how to untie me.

Well, it's very simple, man.

You just put the loose end
through the figure eight.

That's what I was trying to
tell him all this time.

Good, you're untied. Free now?

Yeah.

Okay. Vamonos, amigos.

- Huh?
- What does that-

What's that mean?

It mean, it means,
"Come on, guys. Let's go."

Oh, at least it's in character.

I can dig it.

Let's go, let's go.
Come on, Micky.

Hey! Haltiamo, por favore!
You guys ain't going nowhere.

- What?
- Fifty cents for parking.

Fifty cents for parking?
What do you mean? We're just tourists.

Tourists? Where are your seersucker jackets,
your flat shoes, your Japanese cameras?

We are Mexican bandits.
Mexican bandits.

If you can be Mexican bandits, I can be a

Mexican parking lot attendant.
Fifty cents for parking.

- That's something.
- We can dig it. We can dig it.

Gracias.

See you later, guys.

Aye.

The prisoner is gone!

I see that!

Those bandits, they were
the musicians!

I see that!

After them!

Ooh, I did not see that.

Hey, Monkees, some gasoline?

Ah.

Davy. Oh!

Okay. How much for the gas?

Twenty thousand centavos for the can.

Okay.

Fifty thousand centavos for the gas.

Okay.

And forty thousand
centavos for the labor?

What? What-what labor?

All the thinking to add it up.

Hee!

Ay, chihuahua!

I bring news from El Diablo for you.

Who, me?

For you!

Uh, what does it say? Mike,
El Di-El Diablo.

"I, El Diablo challenge the musician who

claimed to be El Dolenzio
to a duel of honor."

Oh! And, uh, ah, the place is the
center of town. The time, high noon.

"Ya se cayo".

It's high noon. Listen.

If there's heavy traffic,
can we make it twelve fifteen?

High noon. Wah!

Look, man. Y-y-you've been
challenged. What're you gonna do?

What am I gonna do?

Micky Dolenz in a challenge?
What do you think I'll do?

- You're gonna split.
- Right!

Yeah.

No. No, please. If you leave,
he will punish the entire town.

Baby, if I don't leave, he
gonna punish my entire body.

Oh, no, please.

Are you scared?

No, I'm not scared.
I welcome this duel.

Symbol of good against the symbol of evil,
and I know I'm gonna be the victor.

Because the symbol of
good always wins?

No, because the lead in a
television series always wins.

Alright, get me my lucky holster.

Lucky holster. Which one's
your lucky holster?

- The one with a g*n in it.
- The one with a g*n in it.

Lucky holster.

Get me my lucky forty-five.

A lucky forty-five. Here's a
lucky forty-five. Here we go.

Alright. Get me my
lucky thirty-eight.

Lucky thirty-eight. He's got it.

Alright, now get me my three
lucky forty hoberseebers.

Three lucky forty hobers. Sober reeb.
Okay. I can dig it. Yeah.

- Alright.
- Over the top.

Hoberseeber.
Can you reeba sack. Rober.

Alright, guys. Ready to meet
El Diablo. Just one more thing, guys.

What's that?

Can you carry me to the street?

So, gringo, you have decide to show up.

That's right. I showed up
for the showdown.

Wish I didn't have to be here, El Diablo.

I hate k*lling. I hate harming
any living creature.

Then how come you got forty-three
notches in your g*n?

I make exceptions.

You don't stand a chance, gringo.
I have k*lled many hombres at high noon.

Why do you always pick high
noon for your dates?

I'm working on a tan.

I'm going to count to three, gringo.

Right. Three.

One. Two.

Three.

Eh, you missed! Blabla! Yeah, you missed!
Wah, you missed! You missed!

Just a loud mouth Yankee
I went down to Mexico

I didn't have much time to spend,
about a week or so

There I lightly took advantage
of a girl who loved me so

But I found myself a-thinkin'
when the time had come to go

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?
I should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that
train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

She took me to the garden
just for a little walk

I didn't know much Spanish and
there was no time for talk

Then she told me that she loved
me not with words but with a kiss

And like a fool I kept on thinkin'

of a train I could not miss

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that
train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

Well, it's been a year or so,
and I want to go back again

And if I get the money, well,
I'll ride the same old train

But I guess your chances come but
once and boy I sure missed mine

And still I can't stop thinkin'
when I hear some whistle cryin'

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that
train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that
train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?