02x08 - Monkees Marooned

[bunniefuu]

Isn't he cute?

Psst! Psst! Hey, kid.
Over here. Hey, kid. Come here.

Wanna see some real good pictures?

Oh. Hey, yeah. I'd love to.
I haven't seen a good picture

since Carnival in Costa Rica
with d*ck Haymes and Vera-Ellen.

Not that kinda picture,
dumb dumb. This kind.

Oh, hey.
Terrific, huh?

Boy, I'll say.
These are really something.

The little one is my wife's
from a previous marriage.

You certainly have a
very nice family.

Glad you like 'em.
Psst! Kid, come here.

Huh?

Wanna make a neat buy?

Well, it depends on the buy.

The entire city of San Diego.
I'm gonna let you have a good deal on it.

Well, gee, I don't know Mr. uh-

Leonard. Leonard Sheldon's the name,
and big business is the game.

Parcheesi's my game.

Wanna buy a map of
Blackbeard's treasure?

Gee, I don't have any money.

I'll swap you for the guitar.

Oh, no. No. This guitar cost me
a hundred and eight dollars.

Oh.

Psst! Psst! Hey, kid.
Come on over here.

Psst! Psst! Over here, over here.

Where is this place?

Only a stone's throw off the coast.

Gee, on the map,
it looks like miles.

So I got a good arm. Listen, kid,
I once almost pitched for Brooklyn.

Really?
Do you still pitch?

Well, in a manner of speaking, you
might say I do. How about it, kid?

Yeah, I don't know.

Would a guy who once almost pitched
for Brooklyn steer you wrong?

No, I guess not.

Now you're thinking.
Atta boy.

- Thank you, mister.
- Enjoy it. Take care. Bye.

Hey, buddy. Wanna buy a guitar?

Huh? No. No, I-I don't.

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

Buried treasure.
That's sorta out of hand, Pete.

Next thing you know,
you'll be buying San Diego.

I turned San Diego down.

A treasure map. That's one of the
dumbest things you've ever done, Pete.

That's not fair, Micky.

Uh, that's not true, Micky; he's done
dumber things than that, I know.

Thanks, man.

Alright. Ain't no use in
crying over spilled milk.

- And a stitch in time saves nine.
- A stitch in time-

And a watched pot never boils.

A watched pot never-

Hey, quit it. You guys are
always picking on Mike.

Yeah, thanks a lot, Pete.
Okay, I guess we might as well go.

- Yeah, let's go.
- Let's go.

Where are we going?

Well, we're gonna go find this
furshlugginer treasure.

- Ah!
- On a treasure hunt! Yay!

Treasure hunt! Yeah! Yeah!

If we hurry, men, we can destroy
the British at Trenton.

- Uh, Davy, you are British.
- Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I forgot.

Uh, Davy, there's too much
stuff in the boat.

Nonsense! Balderdash!
We have to be prepared!

- Balder-
- There really is.

-there's too much stuff in the boat.

Launch the ship! Taking too much stuff.
That's silly. Nonsense. Launch the ship!

- Oh.
- Alright, babe.

Launch the ship, I say.
Ha ha! Launch the ship.

Launch the ship.
Launch the ship. Launch the ship.

Totally nuts.

You're right. There was
too much stuff in there.

Yes, uh, was too much stuff
in the boat, wasn't there, Davy?

Yes, David. That's true, Davy.

Gee, I thought it would hold it fine.

You were right. Ah!

Alright. Okay.

I don't like it; it's too quiet

I don't like it; it's too noisy!

Hey, look! A footprint.

This island's supposed to be deserted.
Let's get out of here!

Wait a-i-it's too late to turn back now.

Well, what time is it?

Huh? Well, it's, uh,
ten after twelve.

You're right. It's too
late to turn back.

- The map says we go north.
- North?

Well, let's see. North. According to
my calculations, is right due that way.

Okay, we go this way.

Hee hee. Hee hee.

Who writes that stuff?

North, huh?
I hope this is north.

Attack! Attack!
Sound the alarm!

Right, Major Pshaw.
The alarm.

Battle stations!
They're attacking my island!

Grab my spear!

I'll get them! Come on, Thursday!
Let's get them. Where's my g*n?

My shield!

We'll get those pirates!
I know we'll get-

Michael! Michael!
Did you hear that?

- What?
- Did you hear that?

- Michael, a r*fle shot!
- I heard that. I heard that.

Let's go!
Come on, Thursday!

Hey, you know, that was a r*fle shot.

That means that somebody's on
this island trying to k*ll us.

No, that wasn't a r*fle shot, man.
That-this is a deserted island.

It was probably a car
backfiring or something.

Right.

If I catch those blaggards,
I'll k*ll 'em! I'll show 'em!

I didn't spend ten years on this
bloody island looking for

buried treasure to have some
interloper steal it on me.

Has it been ten years, sir?

Yes, ten years. And the only good day
was that Tuesday I hired you, Thursday.

Yes, you're a magnificent
man Friday, Thursday.

You've made every day
a Sunday, Thursday.

???

Ouch!

Ah! Boy, I'll tell you what.
These insects really bug me. Ha ha ha ha.

Hey, man, they're all around us.
They're all over.

I'm gonna be eaten alive.

Hold it, guys.
I've saved the day. Insect spray.

Isn't that beautiful?

- Marvelous.
- Oh, that smells nice too.

What insect spray is that?

It attracts insects. Heh.

- Oh!
- Attracts in-insects.

What's that?

Oh, a piece of thing here.

A piece of a rope in
the middle of the jungle.

- No, it's a vine.
- Pick up!

It's going up. The hook.
I think we're being trapped. Ah!

This is more fun than
a net full of monkeys.

Ah! It's very far down there.
What is holding us up here?

What are you doing on my island?

Well, we came to find buried-

A picnic! We came here to
bury our picnic.

We were just gonna bury it
under an ant hill. Uh heh.

A picnic.

Well, you'll never leave this island alive.
My practice is to sh**t all trespassers.

Practice m-makes perfect.

As a fellow Englishman,
c-can you give us a break?

Can you, can you give us a head
start or something, please?

White man speak with straight tongue.

- Oh, I like his attitude.
- I like that man a lot.

- Nice, very nice, yes.
- Him, I dig.

- Thank you.
- Very well.

- Why don't you be it?
- Oh!

That's it. That's it.
You're it.

What a jolly good idea. I'll be it.
I'll give you all a head start. I'm it!

Great, great! He's it.

- Five, ten, fifteen, twenty...
- No. He's counting by fives!

This sounds like a fun game.

I'm gonna go hide behind the
chair; he'll never find me.

No, Peter. No, not behind the chair.
He's playing for keepsies.

Can I be on his side?

- That's good for Davy.
- Let's see.

Ooh!

Come on, guys. We'll go this way.
Hey-hey-hey, guys? Hey, Davy?

- What?
- Mick?

What are you, what are you
g-what are you doing?

Hiding behind you.

What-hiding behind me?

If he finds me, that
means he finds you.

- Oh, we'd better hide him.
- Right, we'd better hide Mike.

Who writes that stuff?

Ready or not, here I come!
Thursday, which way did they go?

I couldn't tell you that,
sir; it wouldn't be sporting.

You're right. It wouldn't be sporting
to tell me, but it's alright to point.

- The boat!
- It's gone!

- It's not under here.
- Let's swim for it.

- No, man; we'll drown.
- Well, let's drown for it.

No, Micky!

- Uh, we're trapped.
- We're trapped.

I-I-it was my-I didn't-I'm sorry.

Well, hey, bu-Pete. Don't, uh, don't cry.
It's, uh, no-crying won't get you anywhere.

I don't know; look what
it did for Barbara Stanwyck.

Ah!

What-oh, hello. We're
The, we're The Monkees.

Doctor-doctor Livingstone,
I presume?

No, Doctor Schwartzkov is the name.

Uh, here's my card.
Yeah. I work on the island.

I specialize in jungle fever, malaria,
cold, rash, baby deliveries,

appendectomies, and sometimes,
I grow orchids on the side.

What do you say, boys? My office
is always here. Come on by any time.

I got the bag and the whole
thing if you want to come by.

Who writes that stuff?

Did you happen to see four
young men in the area?

- Yes.
- Which way did they go?

That's the way.

Oh, excellent.
Let's go get 'em, Thursday!

Dirty snake in the grass.

- Oh, sugar.
- Is it hot.

- Really-
- kinda bad.

I think, my good compatriots,
that the time has come to split up.

- What?
- Oh, no, man.

- No, man! What about the...
- Bl-lu-lum.

? Here we come ?

? Hey, hey, we're The Monkees ?

Wait a minute, wait
a minute, please. Uh,

I mean that we should split
up so that the major,

uh, in his quest for our
hides, doesn't-

Oh, you mean split up together here?

Because is right.

We may have a better
chance of surviving.

Uh, goodbye, guys, I'll, um-

- Roar!
- Ah!

Ahhhhh! Ooh.

Uh... yah!

Ahhhhh! [coughs]

What's the matter with him?

- Ooga mooga booga.
- Oh.

Say something, say something.
Anything.

We come in peace.

- Yeah, peace.
- Peace, baby.

Maka waka toga booga.

What strange tongue does
this native speak in?

- I understand that.
- You-

What do you mean, you understand it?

Would you repeat that?

Kretch.

He says that he's the original
Kimba of the jungle and

that when the movie company
ran out of money here on location,

uh, in nineteen sixteen,
they left him here behind to rot.

All he said was-

What happened to the chick
that played his wife?

She ran off with a casting director
who promised her a big career.

What about the little kid
that played the-the kid?

He's alive and well in Argentina.

You mean, you got all that from...
All he said was "kretch".

Well, it's not the word;
it's the way he said it.

Does he speak English?

It been long time since
I speak in my native tongue.

No.

Ow!

What's that? That's-that's
the sound of g*ns.

You come with Kimba. Kimba
know jungle like palm of hand.

W-well, where do we go from here?

Follow long line to callous.
Turn right and

go all the way down to wrist,
back to finger.

He's really some kind o
a nut, a screwball.

Let's go, then. Let's go-

You can't use your hand,
Davy; it's in meters, man.

Oh.

Louder, Thursday, louder!

It'll weaken them psychologically.

Or give 'em a terrible headache.

Stop.

Uh! What's the, what's the matter?

Quicksand. Dangerous.

- How do you know?
- I'm stuck.

Oh. Uh, we'll help you, Kimba, baby.

Careful.

Oh, good.

Kimba, you gotta understand.
We're in a lot of trouble.

If we don't get off this island,
Major Pshaw's gonna k*ll us.

Kimba call jungle friends.
Apes, lions, elephants.

They help us.
Ahhhhh!

[coughs] Ahhhhh!

What's that, man?

Are you sure you know
what you're doing?

I tried.

What? What? I already have a cat.

Uh, duh, uh, buh-

If you're within the
sound of my voice,

let me warn you that
your time is almost up,

and if you're not within
the sound of my voice,

th-then what the blazes am I shouting about?

- Wait!
- What?

- Our footprints!
- What?

Great Scott, that means we're lost!
We've been going around in circles!

Oh, Micky, Micky.
It's a small set, man.

Yeah, don't you remember like-

We have to use the same place,
you know, different bushes, trees.

-like The Lone Ranger and the
big rock, you remember?

Oh, that always used to come up,
didn't it, man?

I always wondered about that.

That certainly sets my mind at ease.

Sets my mind at ease.

No longer safe on land. Use
vines. We swing. Ahhhhh!

D-uh, don't do that.

Ahhhhh!

- Did he fall?
- Yes, he fell.

Not a tree thing, all over,
he just... wham!

No, man. I guess my
swinging days are over.

Sly little devils, aren't they?

That's right, sir.

I'm having a difficult
time catching them too.

I want their heads before sundown!

- Ohh!
- Let's separate, sir.

Jolly good idea.
Last one to catch the blighters

is a rotten egg.
Come along, this way.

? Somewhere in the south pacific ?

Boy, I'm so thirsty,
I could-huh!

Hey. Hey.

Hey, didn't I see you in
a Stewart Granger movie?

Ah! Ee!

Relax, men. I've defected.

I'd see a doctor about that.

Tha-that's not, that's not
what de-defect means.

Yes, it is.

- You mean, you left Major Puh-shaw?
- Pshaw.

That's right, baby.

How can we believe you?

- I've got the weapon.
- I believe you.

I believe him.
I believe him.

Yeah, we believe you.

Do you believe him? I-I
really believe you, baby.

They believe me.

That's all well and good, but how
do we get off the island?

I know where he hid your boat.
As soon as he goes to sleep, we can escape.

Uh, well, where do we
hide in the meantime?

- There's only one safe place.
- Where's that?

Well, I can't tell you now;
that's in the next scene.

Uh.

I don't think it's too safe
here in Major Puh-shaw-

- Pshaw.
- Pshaw's hut.

- Au contraire, Peter.
- Au con...

I figure this is the one place
that Major Pshaw wouldn't look.

Here again, you turncoats!
Ha ha ha! Back, you blaggards!

I thought that you would think that
I would think that you wouldn't come here.

So you did. Therefore, so did I.
Heh heh. This is the end. The die is cast.

You know, I always
wondered what that meant.

The cast shall die. If you've any
last words, you better spit 'em out now.

- Four score and twenty years ago...
- Mary, Mary, quite contrary...

The boy stood on the burning deck...

Frere Jacques, Frere Jacques,
dormez-vous, dormez-vous...

Sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me...

Quiet!

You wouldn't g*n us down in
cold blood, would you? It isn't British.

Oh, good! Good point!
Way to go, Davy. Ha ha, ha ha.

You're right, but I'm Australian,
so the rules don't count. Heh heh heh.

He's Australian,
and those rules don't count.

I might decide to have you A,
boiled in polyunsaturated oil.

B, put bamboo under your fingernails.

Bamboo cleans my fingernails
the very best.

Or C, exposure to the ants.

Oh, Aunt Ethel and Aunt
Florence and Aunt Edna.

Really-really nice to be, uh,
be here with all my aunts. Get it? Aunts?

D, give you a severe tongue lashing.

Ow! Oh!

Take that! And that! And take that!

Or E, k*ll you straight off and
carry on looking for the treasure.

Did you say treasure?

Yes, Blackbeard's treasure.

Been looking for it on
this island for years.

Oh, why don't you use a map?

Haven't got one.

- You don't?
- No.

Oh, well, I have a map. Here.

Yeah, he's got one.

Uh, do you think that you
should give him that?

Suffering succotash!
The treasure!

It's here!
Right under this bloody hut!

Come on, you blaggards. Dig for it!
Go on! Dig! I say dig! Ah! Dig!

I'm dig, I'm dig, I'm dig.

Sock it to his pig.

And all the while,
I've been sitting on it.

Oh, the wages of sin.

Eureka! I found it.

Well, now, pass it over here.

I'm warning you.
No tricks, you. Put it down!

Get back there!
The riches of the Spanish Main.

Jewels, doubloons,
triploons, and it's mine!

Oh!

Ahhhhh!

Honey!

My leading lady!

Honey!

You came back.

- I couldn't live without you, Kimba.
- Sad.

I didn't know it was going
to turn into a love story.

- Sad? That's not sad.
- What is it?

It's very happy.
Happy. I could cry.

- Look at that.
- It is very nice.

We'll make beautiful
pictures together again.

Oh, I could hide 'neath the wings

Of the bluebird as she sings

The six o'clock alarm
would never ring

But it rings, and I rise

Wipe the sleep out of my eyes

My shavin'razor's
cold and it stings

Cheer up, sleepy Jean

Oh, what can it mean

To a daydream believer

And a homecoming queen

You once thought of me

As a white knight on his steed

Now, you know
how happy I can be

Whoa, and our good
times start and end

Without dollar one to spend

But how much, baby,
do we really need

Cheer up, sleepy Jean

Oh, what can it mean

To a daydream believer

And a homecoming queen

Cheer up, sleepy Jean

Oh, what can it mean

To a daydream believer

And a homecoming queen

Cheer up, sleepy Jean

Oh, what can it mean

To a daydream believer

And a homecoming queen

Cheer up, sleepy Jean

Oh, what can it mean

To a daydream believer

Psst! Hey kid, over here.
Hey you, over here.

Yeah?

Wanna buy the whole
city of Liverpool?

Hey, don't you remember me?

Oh, yeah, now I recall.

You're a crook! You tried to
sell me a treasure map,

and there wasn't any treasure.
Officer? Officer, that man's a crook.

Is that so?

Yeah, he tried to sell me
San Diego, and then he sold

me a worthless treasure map,
and now he wants to sell me Liverpool.

- Did you buy it?
- No.

Good.

Oh, thank you. Heh heh.

Now, would you be interested
in a nice deal on Cleveland?

These kids these days.

Just a loud mouth Yankee
I went down to Mexico

I didn't have much time to spend,
about a week or so

There I lightly took advantage
of a girl who loved me so

But I found myself a-thinkin'

when the time had come to go

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

I should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that
train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

She took me to the garden
just for a little walk

I didn't know much Spanish and
there was no time for talk

Then she told me that she loved
me not with words but with a kiss

And like a fool I kept on thinkin'

of a train I could not miss

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that
train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

Well, it's been a year or so,
and I want to go back again

And if I get the money, well,
I'll ride the same old train

But I guess your chances come but
once and boy I sure missed mine

And still I can't stop thinkin'

when I hear some whistle cryin'

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that
train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that
train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that
train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

In this generation
In this lovin' time

In this generation
We will make the world shine

We were born to love one another
This is somethin', we all need

We were born to love one another
We must be what we're goin' to be

And what we have to be, is free

Love is understandin'
We gotta be free

Love is understandin'
We gotta be free

We gotta be free

We gotta be free