01x07 - as*ault & Batteries

[bunniefuu]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

ANNOUNCER: And now, DreamWorks'
"The Penguins of Madagascar."

[CLOCK CHIMES]

[THEME MUSIC]

[CAMERA CLICKS]

-Cute 'n cuddly, boys.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

SKIPPER: Pop quiz, troops.

What can't we trust?

-Three-day-old
stir-fry mung beans.

-Right.

What else can't we trust?

-Badgers?

-What?

-Maybe that's just me.

-What I'm getting
at is sometimes

we can't trust our own eyes.

What do you see, Private?

-Black nothingness, Skipper.

-Perfecto.

[SHING]

-Bravissimo, Private.

Rico, show time.

-Yeah!

Yeah!

Bleghh!

[CHAINSAW ROARS]

-Stand down, man.

Stand down!

-Ta-dah!

-Brutally done, but
I admire your moxie.

All right, Kowalski, feel it.

-Hm.


with a nylon cross weave.

Nice.

-Kowalski, turn down
the old think melon.

Otherwise--

-Hunh!

Ow!

Aah!

-Catch my drift?

Listen to your gut.

[GUT GRUMBLES]

-Sorry, Skipper.

That's an anatomical
impossibility.

-Kowalski, what would you do if
we actually were under attack?

-Guys!

Guys!

Guess what?

-Hai-yah!

-Considering barometric pressure
and the Coriolis effect,

a sunrise as*ault would be
the best course of action.

-Mm-mm-mm-mm.

-Um, excuse me?

What in the world
are you guys doing?

-I might ask you
the same question,

except for the guy part.

What are you doing
sneaking about?

-I wasn't-- who's sneaking?

I'm just heading over to
welcome our new neighbours.

No one's seen them yet.

Now I figure they're just shy.

Want to come with?

-Not without proper
recon, Marlene.

There could be death a thousand
times over in that new habitat.

Venomous vipers, bloodthirsty--

-Badgers?

-Flying piranha.

-OK.

Yeah, piranha don't fly.

-That's exactly what
Manfredi and Johnson

said back in Ecuador.

We buried what was left
of them with a teaspoon.

-Riiight.

Well, I think I'm gonna
go ahead and risk it.

Yeah, but I do appreciate
your raving paranoia.

-Any time, Marlene.

Any time.

-I would love to join you in
the meeting of the neighbours,

but I am far too
busy with-- Maurice,

what am I far too busy with?

-Posing for your royal portrait.

-I'm an easel.

-Mort?

-Yes?

-Shut up a little, OK?

-OK.

-Uh, shouldn't my muscle
parts be, you know, bigger?

Pumped a bit more?

Yes?

[GASP] Maurice, what
is that hideosity?

-That's Mort.

-Mort?

-What?

-What did I say?

-Shut up a little?

-Mhm.

Why is Mort in the
royal painting?

Paint him out now, before
my eyes smell him forever!

My eyes are still
stinking of you!

Now go with Marlene and
think about what you've done.

-But I didn't-- ohh!

Ooh!

[SMACK]

Wee-hee-hee!

Uh, I was there,
and now I'm here.

[DOOR CREAKING]

-Uh, hello?

New neighbours?

-Is it safe?

-It's nice.

A-- a little humid, and
a lot dark and spooky.

-I didn't notice.

-Wha?

OK, Marlene, you're just
letting Skipper's crazy talk

get to you.

Uh, hello?

New neighbours?

Welcome to-- [GASP]
Mort, did you see that?

-No!

I see nothing!

MARLENE: Hi.

Some-- someone there?

Anyone?

Flying piranha?

MORT: Look!

Footy-prints!

I know these, they're-- yaah!

-Mort, no!

Whoa-- whoa!

No!

Gah!

Aaah!

-You can do it, mate.

Don't think.

Just use your instincts.

-Right.

Instincts.

En garde.

Wait, which instincts
should I use?

Survival instinct?

Homing instinct?

-Private.

-Social instinct?

[WHAP]

[WHAP]

-Should have gone with survival.

[DOOR BURSTS OPEN]

MARLENE: Help!

Help, help, help me!

Help!

-What is with all the
screaming craziness?

I am having troubles
concentrating

on the beautifical
portrait of myself.

-The new neighbours,
they-- they took Mort!

He's gone!

[GASP]

[GASP]

-Who's Mort?

Oh, my easel.

Right, right.

Oh, I too am gasping in horror.

But on the inside.

Because you now,
I need that easel.

-From the beginning, Marlene.

Give me every gruesome detail.

I can take it.

-Well, we felt like something
was, you know, watching us.

Then Mort, he found
these weird footprints.

And all of a sudden, these--
these squishy tentacles just

shot down and-- [SLURP]
Wooshy thwack!-- aah,

sucked him up, and
he-- he's gone.

-Unknown hostiles with
tentacles and feet.

-Again?

If I had a nickel
for every time-- OK,

describe the enemy's terrain.

-It was jungley, so
let's-- let's think.

That could be-- they
could be from where?

South America.

Africa.

Asia.

Maybe Australia.

-We gotta focus, Marlene.

You just named four of
the eight continents.

-Uh, there are only
seven continents.

-I count Atlantis.

Trust me, Lemur, if you
had my security clearance,

you would, too.

-Guys, we have to save Mort.

-Perhaps we should open up
a backchannel negotiations.

-Skipper, I do not
think these are

the kind of creatures
you can reason with.

-Don't worry, Marlene.

Neither are we.

[BEEP]

-Huh.

Secret panel.

Look at you.

Impressive.

-Rooster's in the hen house.

Report.

-All clear.

-All clear.

[BOOM]

-Yah yah!

-Perimeter secure.

-D'oh!

Hey!

Not cool, dude.

-Marlene, I told you
to leave this to us.

-No, you didn't.

-Psh, in your mind, maybe.

[SONAR PINGING]

-Movement in Sector
Victor Bravo.

-Prepare to give this bogey
a a real New York welcome.

-Heheheh.

-Hrrr!

KOWALSKI: Coming this way.

Closing in.

Six yards.

Five, four.

It's right on top of us.

-Hello, neighbour!

Oh, h*!

Thank goodness you are here to
help my chunky monkey carry me.

-I'm big-boned.

-You're putting this
mission in jeopardy.

State your business.

-Why, of course I am here
to give the new neighbours

the wondrous portrait of
the wondrous king-- me.

[GROWLS]

Oh, yes.

And to get back my easel.

Uh, I mean, Mort.

-Skipper, look!

The tracks.

-They're fresh.

Kowalski, analysis.

[SLURP]

-Reptilian in origin.

-Hang on, we've seen these
tracks back in Madagascar.

King Julien, they
must be-- aaah!

-Oh, yes.

What Maurice was about to
say was-- not the feet!

-Ambush!

Fall back, men.

Fall back!

-Kowalski!

KOWALSKI: I'm coming, Private!

-Kowalski!

-Marlene!

[GASP] Which one do I save?

Think, Kowalski, think!

[SCRIBBLING]

SKIPPER: No.

Don't think, man, act!

Let's go, Rico!

-Private's part of the team.

Then again, Marlene
has vital information.

Of course, Private
does owe me $5.

-Kowalski!

-Kowalski!

-Noooo!

Curse you, brain!

-Kowalski.

[SMACK]

Snap out of it.

We're under attack!

-I know!

-Not gonna lie to you, boys.

This situation is critical.

-Waaah!

-Get ahold of yourself, soldier!

Huh?

-Nngh, nngh, nngh.

-Oh.

Well done, Rico.

Saddle up and stay low, gents.

I'm on point.

I'm not one for
sappy speeches, men,

but the odds are
that not all of us

are going to make it-- aaaah!

-The precise odds
are one in-- Skipper!

-Hulllaaghh!

-It's up to us, Rico, just
me and-- and-- and me.

I can't see.

I-- I-- I can't think clearly.

What do I do?

What do I do?

What do I do?

-Turn off the old think melon.

-Use your instincts.

-Huh, hunnh, huahh, hallgh!

-Right.

My gut says to get
my friends back.

Time to listen to that gut.

Even though technically,
a gut cannot vocalise--

I'm doing it again!

-Hah!

Hoo!

Hah!

Hah!

Hnh!

Haha!

Hey!

Hah!

[THWAP]

Hmm?

SKIPPER: Kowalski?

Kowalski.

-Um, did I win?

-Sure, symbolically.

Hey, pal, a little help.

Well, it turns out the
hostiles are friendly.

-Chameleons.

We were crazy with them
back in the Madagascar.

Aren't they the cutest
little jellybeans?

I just want to pinch it!

-And will you look
how they blend?

-Wicked brilliant!

-Thank you.

I'll have Maurice paint
you some wallet sizes.

-Uh?

Uh-huh?

Uh, yeah-- ooh-- oh, yeah.

They're saying that they're
sorry about grabbing us up

with their tongues and all that.

-But it was the
only way they could

be inviting us all to the party.

-[GIGGLES] Tongues tickle!

-You speak Chameleon?

-I dabble.

-And here, you listen
with your eyes.

-So it was all for nothing?

-Not at all.

You learned to listen
to your gut today.

-But my gut said the chameleons
with k*ller carnivores.

-But you heard your gut,
even if it was dead wrong.

You stand tall, Kowalski.

-Yes!

My gut rocks!

It's, uh, complicated.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

SKIPPER: Well, I'm
gonna see your salmon

and raise you two cod.

-Hmm.

-Uh, what's this game
called again, Skipper?

-Stomp the Wombat.

Are you in our out, Kowalski?

-Hm.

Hmm.

[BELCH]

Oh.

-You know, in Tasmania,
cheating in Stomp

the Wombat is a capital crime.

[BELCHES]

[CHUCKLES]

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER OUTSIDE]

-That's funny.

I didn't know we had a
hyena exhibit at this zoo.

-We don't.

[GASPS]

-Bogey, 12 o'clock.

Blend, boys, blend.

-Hm.

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

Oh, all right.

I better get you
off to the hospital.

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

-Aaah!

Oh!

Hello, Maurice.

-Maurice!

Fill me in, three words or less.

-Uh, well, I--

-No capisce.

Try four words.

-I don't think that--

-Make it five.

-If you would just listen--

-OK, I'm going to
give you six words,

but you're wasting
valuable time here.

-It's King Julien!

They just crated him
off to the zoo hospital.

-[SOBBING] I need hug.

-He was just sitting
on his throne,

eating his favourite
red lychee nuts,

and he went full-speed loco!

All slobbery mouth
and crazy red eyes.

-So?

Sounds like business as usual.

-Oh, no.

This was worse.

And he had this horrible laugh!

I'll never forget it.

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

You understand what I'm saying?

-So how long until the
royal pain recovers?

-I don't know.

I'm just an adviser.

But there has to be
someone for me to advise.

There has to be a king.

-Ring-a-ding-ding,
you're a king.

-[GASP] Me?

Uh-uh.

I'm just the king's
right-hand man.

And you know if the king's
right-hand man becomes The Man,

then the king's
left with no right--

-Listen up, soldier.

Until Ringtail
returns, someone's

got to step up, take
charge around here.

-But I--

-It's either you or Sad Eyes.

-[WEEPING LOUDLY] Aaah!

-I guess it's on me
to look after things.

By Julien will always be
our one and the only king.

There.

[HUMMING HAPPILY]

-Oo-ee!

We are looking dandy
fine here, boy.

When King Julien
comes home, this place

will be sparkly fresh!

-He will be so happy.

-Yeah, say it!

And we will be so tired.

Whew!

-Ooh!

Oh no!

I can't just be sitting
myself on the royal throne.

That would just be plain wrong!

Then again, what's the harm?

Mort, be a buddy and blow
some more air into our bounce

house-- if it's no
bother, of course.

-OK!

[PUFFING]

Whoa!

[TOOT]

-Mm.

You can see the whole
zoo from up here.

Bet I could eat just one.

[CRUNCHING] Mm,
that's pretty tasty.

Maybe just one more.

Or two.

For the King.

Heh.

[THUNDERCLAP]

[MUMBLING IN SLEEP]

Ding-a-ding!

-Whoa!

[LOW CHUCKLE]

-Huh?

[GARBLED GROWL]

[EVIL LAUGH]

-Aaah!

[EVIL LAUGH]

Aaaah!

[THUNDERCLAP]

-This next game was invented
by A double-jointed Hungarian

acrobat from the Munich circus.

[SLAM]

[LOW CHUCKLE]

You lemurs aren't big
on knocking, are you?

-Silence!

I, Maurice, Supreme King
of the Lemurs-- hoo,

that sounds good-- the
man that all animals swear

their eternal loyalty
to-- me, baby.

Or else!

-Hah!

Very funny, Maurice.

The whole power-mad
act is hilarious.

But we're in the middle
of something here.

-Help me.

-Ah, that Maurice.

What a joker.

-I don't know.

That did not exactly
sound like jollity.

-Did you see his eyes, Skipper?

-"Or else," he says.

Haha.

Or else what, exactly?

MAURICE: Move it!

Obey me or suffer!

KOWALSKI: Ah.

All power lines run directly
under the lemur habitat,

right next to these water pipes.

Theoretically--

-Maurice has shut down power
and water to all the habitats.

He can control everything now.

-Wow.

My theory was just
about jury-rigging

a giant makeshift hot tub.

This is much worse.

-We are going in.

Rico, we don't have
time to do this pretty.

-Mmm-leggh!

Heheh.

[BOOM]

-Excellante.

Power and water
controls at 6 o'clock.

And we go on three.

On, two-- hey!

Three.

KOWALSKI: Well, the hot tube
theory is officially dead.

-What's your sick and
twisted game, Maurice?

-It's King Maurice!

Ruler of all I survey!

Surrender to my supreme
and a-mighty a-power!

[WEIRD GROWL]

-Well, that's going to
be a bit of a problem.

You see, I don't
know the meaning

of the word "surrender."

-[QUIETLY] Surrender
is a verb, Skipper.

It means to give
up or yield-- oh.

Right.

Here, I'll do it myself.

[SMACK]

-I will force you to obey me.

-You and what army?

Oh.

That army.

-Meet Bada and Bing, personal
bodyguards to the king.

-Bada.

-And Bing.

-Will crush--

-Funny birds.

[BOTH LAUGH]

-Rico, tell me you still
have an ace up your sleeve.

-Halgh!

-Huh?

-Huh.

-Skipper?

-Wait for it.

[THUD]

-They're getting away.

They're getting away!

-We got away.

Hurray!

[WEIRD LAUGH]

-Wait.

That laugh.

[WEIRD LAUGH]

-Boy, it sounds just like the
one we heard the other night.

It's just like--

-That deranged ringtail Julien.

[DOOR SLAMS]

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

Remember, men, we don't
know what kind of sorry

shape he's in.

Prepare yourselves
for the worst.

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

-Ah, visitors!

Welcome to my luxury spa slash
retreat slash getaway palace.

Where's my candy.

-You!

But you-- you're--
you're-- you're fine.

-But of course.

I am eating my lychee nuts in
one moment, and then boingo,

I am here in the laps of luxury.

Life is funny that way.

-Skipper, it's the nuts.

When red lychees go bad,
they release an enzyme

that amplifies
aggression in the brain.

-The nuts make you nuts.

-Ooh!

-Blegh!

[SLURPS]

-They gave me this tasty
guava berry milkshake

and like that, I was
feeling good all over.

[GASP]

[SLURPS]

-Ooh!

The tropical fruit must
counter the nutty enzymes.

Of course!

-But if you are cured, why
are you still in the hospital?

-Because this vibrating
bed is awesome!

-Listen up, lemur.

Maurice ate those bad nuts.

He went off the deep end.

-He's turned the lemur habitat
into an armed fortress.

PRIVATE: He's enslaved
the entire zoo!

-I cannot be believing my ears.

Maurice ate my lychee nuts!

Guava berry cure
in aerosol form.

One whiff should do the job.

-This way.

I know a secret this way
into my lemur kingdom.

-Ugh!

-Well, boys, desperate times
call for desperate measures.

[SPLASHES]

-What are you waiting
for, ringtail?

-Uh, who?

Me?

I am going to be taking
the royal secret passage.

[BEEP]

But if you'd rather
the potty, hey.

Far be it from me to keep
a penguin from water.

See you later.

[FLUSH]

-Wait, we didn't
know-- [GURGLES]

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

I want those penguins found.

Where are they?

Where?

SKIPPER: Right here,
Your Royal Nutcase.

[SPRITZ]

[SNARLS]

Ringtail, now!

-Aha!

The game is now very
much being over, Maurice!

I, King Julien, the one
most true glorious-est king,

have returned to--

-Just do it!

KING JULIEN: What?

What?

Am I not entitled to a brief
heroic-ish moment in my--

[WHAP]

[CLANG]

-Hey, you got the funny birds?

-Yeah, you got the
mouthy squirrel?

-Over here.

-I win!

Haha!

I am the ultimate ruler of the--

[SPRITZ]

-Oh, dah-- I--

-Smell it, Maurice.

Smell it up.

[SNIFFS]

-Mmm, guava berry.

Huh?

Who would dare wear the
sacred crown of King Julien?

Wha-- wait. [GASPS] It's me!

-Yay!

-I have no idea what
any of these do.

[LIGHTS POWERING ON]

-I am calling your
bluff and raising

you two of the pineapples.

MAURICE: I'm so embarrassed.

Did I really threaten
to destroy you?

-Oh, yes.

On several occasions.

But it wasn't your fault.

It was the nuts.

Just be glad it's all over.

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

[THEME MUSIC]

[KIDS LAUGHING]